I've heard that it is possible to sit upright in the midst of immediate realization. I've heard that there's a way of being upright in the midst of immediate realization, in the midst of life and giving life, in the midst of an imperceptible, inconceivable ceaseless mutual presence between ourselves and all beings, which is immediate realization, which is the Buddha, the Dharmakaya Buddha.

[01:10]

I've heard that there is such a practice and that this practice is the practice which they transmit to us and to each other and we to each other and to them. The Buddhas transmit the practice in the midst of realization to us and we transmit the practice in the midst of realization to the Buddhas. And this vital process of realization, of receiving and giving life with each other, does not appear within or is not mixed with one another.

[02:21]

Perceptions are coming with our life and going with our life. We receive a life which comes with perception and we give a life which is imbued with perception. But the process of coming and going is not itself a perception. It is immediate realization. it is unconstructedness and stillness, or it is free of any kind of construction, any kind of construction of human cognition. I told you about this, and I told you about it, and also I imagine

[03:24]

that we actually I imagine that we're actually sitting here during the sesshin upright I imagine that we are sitting upright, being upright throughout the day and that we're sitting in the midst of this immediate realization that we're sitting in the midst of this boundless imperceptible mutual assistance among all beings. That we're breathing it in and breathing it out together. I imagine that we are. My imagination isn't it, but I have an imagination about it. And I imagine that we're ceremonially in acting.

[04:26]

And that I use and you use imagination to imagine a body and mind which are more or less devoted to acting this being upright in the midst of immediate realization. And this is a happy imagination for me and a happy, what do you call it, and the enactment is inseparable from and necessary to realize this realization. I propose that to you and I've heard that too and I imagine that. Throughout the day, every day of our life, we have been involved in three kinds of karma, three kinds of storytelling, of body, speech and mind, or mind, speech and body.

[05:41]

And we are continuing this storytelling. And this storytelling is going on in the midst of, is occurring in unconstructedness and stillness. so in these stories are still living. They're not moving in this stillness, but they appear and disappear with no movement. They appear and disappear in an unconstructed stillness. It's not that there's no stories in this realization. It's just that the stories occur within this stillness and all constructions about the stories, which the stories are, don't cling to them. So there is this free-flowing resonance among all the stories.

[06:44]

There's the process of giving and receiving where none of the stories are sticking to anybody. and everybody's receiving and giving stories. So now we have a practice of expressing with our stories, expressing with our body, with our mind, body and voice to make every action of this being upright in immediate realization. So I'm thinking now, I have a story now, I'm imagining my life with you now, I'm imagining my life with you again in my mind and this story, this activity in my mind is also an enactment, a story

[07:51]

expressing this unconstructedness and stillness simultaneously. In other words, I wish, I devote, I give my story, I give my life, my karma, to be expressing the Buddhist seal. And I've heard and I imagine that when my story, when my karma of body, speech and mind are impressed and expressed, this Buddha seal, the whole phenomenal world becomes the Buddha seal. And the entire sky turns... Everything in the phenomenal world joins in this immediate realization And then there's a path by which this immediate realization of the entire world, of all things, returns to me, the practitioner, and that the practitioner and all things imperceptibly meet and assist each other in practicing the way.

[09:18]

the way of receiving myself from and through the enlightenment of all things and giving myself to the enlightenment of all things. So this is a way of imagining the process and dramatically enacting the process of immediate realization. And the ceremony of enactment and the reality being enacted are not separate. But without the ceremony we may miss the reality. We need the ceremony. Otherwise we don't experience, we don't realize the reality.

[10:27]

the reality is going on anyway. We are actually sitting here in reality, of course. We need to do a little exercise in order to... So here we are, I imagine, here we are doing that exercise. So I'm very happy to see us doing that. And I hope that when this form, of course, ends that we find another rendition of ceremony, of some other way that we enacted after the Sashin form changes into non-Sashin time, that you look to make all your other actions, your non-Sashin actions of body, speech and mind, the enactment of this Buddha's And I know it's hard to do it in sesshin, to stay with the ceremony of zazen every moment.

[11:31]

It's hard to never veer away from it here. And so after we move into another sesshin, it probably will continue to be challenging. And then during sesshin, when we forget that what we're doing is being upright in the midst of immediate realization. Part of that is to confess and repent that we got distracted and come back. It's the same after sesshin, same practice. So we don't recommend dragging sesshin with you out of the valley, but rather finding actions that you're given to make those actions express the Buddhist seal. Don't try to get actions.

[12:34]

Receive your actions. Take care of your actions in such a way that they too can express the Buddhist seal. And if you forget or your imagination is blocked and you can't figure out what the practice was again, well then confess and repent. Find your way back onto the path of the self-fulfilling samadhi, of the self-receiving and employing samadhi. The details and the particularities of the stories through which we express this immediate realization, the details can become intense.

[13:47]

And learning how to be open to the details, attentive to the details, without tensing up around the details, is part of the process of being upright in immediate realization. Immediate realization presents us with infinite beings to receive. If I hear myself say, sitting upright, being upright in the stillness of immediate realization, that sounds simple, but that means to be upright and still in the immediate realization of your relationship with every single big and small being in the universe. So then it starts to open the door to some intensity

[14:54]

and some tremendous impermanence and I forgot, I wanted to bring the hammer but I forgot it again. I was going to just hold it in my hand during my talk During my listening, I was going to hold a hammer. Maybe I'll just hold my hand like this and balance my hand, which is a little easier than the hammer. What am I doing? I'm taking care of my hand. as a gesture to show you that I also want to take care of the body. I have a body to take care of, this one.

[15:57]

I also have yours to take care of. I have mine to take care of, whether I like it or not. And I have yours to take care of, whether I like it or not. In this immediate realization, I have everybody's body to take care of. and each body is different and the way of caring for each body is different. The way I care for each body is different and the way you care for each body is different. And that's part of immediate realization is caring for all bodies. And the way of caring for bodies is to be honest about how the body seems to us, to be very tender and flexible with it, to be peaceful and harmonious with it, and to be balanced and upright with it.

[17:06]

That's the way basically to take care of all bodies. And this way of taking care of them is compatible with being upright in immediate realization with all bodies. And immediate realization is the way we're with all bodies. So how can we take care of ourselves to open to the way we're with each other? This is a suggestion given by the Buddha in the Lotus Sutra. Being that way with all bodies, we open to the way we are with all bodies. Being this way with my body, being this way with your bodies is a way to open to the giving and receiving.

[18:09]

opening to giving and receiving is a way to open and be upright. For some time I've been wanting to tell a story which has come to my mind quite frequently lately. and have come up to my mind off and on for, yeah, about 40 years. And it's a story I heard from Kadagiri Roshi. And I don't remember the story very well. Remember of it is maybe enough to tell you. And it was a story he told at the temple called Sokoji. on 1881 Bush Street in San Francisco.

[19:17]

It was a story about a Japanese Zen priest in the years shortly after the end of the Second World War. I believe this priest had a friendship with a U.S. either admiral or general. Anyway, I thought it was like a fairly high-ranking military official of the U.S. that went to visit this Zen priest. I don't know if it's Soto Zen, Rinzai Zen, but anyway. he used to go visit this Zen priest. And when he went to visit the Zen priest, the Zen priest said to him, I think, again, my impression from the story was, and this may be wrong, but what I received from it, which was important to me, was that the main part of the thing was that when the Zen priest received the

[20:36]

the admiral or whatever, the first enthusiastically was, did you bring me some cakes? Or, if not, did you bring me some cakes, please give me some cakes. I lowered my hand, but I noticed, back up. And So I kind of remember that he was, I don't remember exactly, but he was kind of unabashed, like, give me the cakes. And I guess Japanese people were hungry after the war was over. There wasn't much food. And I think our conquering army was pretty generous of bringing food. And so I think the admiral did bring the Zen master some cakes, some cakes, so that he was like, you know, did you bring some more?

[21:43]

And I was kind of struck because I thought, well, what's a Zen master saying? I thought it didn't seem very dignified to me for a great Zen master or even a minor Zen master to say, give me cakes. But a Zen priest, and I don't feel like he was telling a story like to make us think, oh, this is terrible that the Zen priest says, give me the cakes. I don't know what he was up to telling the story, but it impressed me, young Zen student, it impressed me, like, he didn't, you know, enlightening the admiral. are the admiral enlightening, well, kind of enlightening the Zen master by giving him cakes, but the Zen master is saying, give me the cakes. It impressed me that that that's what's going on there. So, there's, this is a, now, now, in the context of thank you

[22:55]

for the hammer. So now in the context of the samadhi of receiving and giving, I'm even more interested in the story of the Zen master saying, could I have some cakes? Now I feel even more kind of in love with the story of the teacher, maybe of the Buddha saying, did you bring me cakes? Give me cakes. Now, I don't know of any stories of the Buddha saying, give me cakes. But in fact, I think the Buddha did do that. I don't know of a story like that, but I somehow imagine the Buddha went to town with his bowl and went up to people and said, give me something to eat, please.

[24:03]

Or maybe he was quiet and didn't say anything and they kind of understood he came to get some food. I imagine when I imagine of our great ancestor, Shakyamuni Buddha, walking to town, probably barefoot, going up to people, human beings, and putting his bowl out and saying, please give me some food, asking for them to give him something. and them giving it to him. Them making offerings of food to this Buddha. Buddha receiving it and going back to where he was hanging out with his students and sharing the food with them.

[25:11]

That this is actually what an enlightened person might do and asking for people to give her food and they would give it and they would receive it and of course the Buddha would understand that when he asked them to give him food he gave an inconceivable unsurpassable immediate realization Of course he understood that. That he was sharing, he was giving them Dharma transmission. And they were enacting it with him by giving him what he was requesting. By supporting his life, he was supporting their life. They acted this out. The Buddha comes into the world and goes up to the people and says, please help me.

[26:17]

as a way to how we help Buddha and Buddha helps us and how we help each other and others help us is Buddha. And this needs to be acted out. And what better way to act it out than at lunchtime of saying, please give me some cakes. But, you know, part of my Zen aesthetic at that time was, you know, this didn't sound very dignified for a Zen priest to be asking, especially kind of almost greedily, to be asking an army official, a military official, for some cake. But now it seems so wonderful, that story. that this making offerings to Buddhas, and for Buddhas to ask us directly to make offerings to them, that this is like part of the deal.

[27:28]

So we're sitting upright in the zendo, quietly, maybe. Stories are arising, but we're not with them. Stories are arising, but they're not disturbing immediate realization at all, are they? No. Nothing disturbs it. And we're enjoying the immediate realization. But what I'm saying is there's something else going on here. This immediate realization is very active. In other words, we're asking for gifts when we're sitting here. We're making offerings. we're also asking for offerings. But we're making offerings and this making of offerings is now being highlighted during the Sashin. Have you noticed? And there is a chapter in the Shobo Genzo, a chapter which is called

[28:38]

Offerings, serving offerings to Buddhas. It's written by, supposedly, this person named Ehei Dogen Daisho, our founder of the tradition in Japan. Probably when he was sick. It was published after he died. And it is different from, for example, Genjo Koan, which we chant. There's no, I think, quotations from sutras in the Genjo Koan. There's one Zen story at the end. But otherwise, the Buddha, Ehe Dogen, is not quoting the Buddha's It's his own beautiful poetic expression of realization. But this later work, which he wrote when he was about 53, the year he died, has big sutra quotations.

[29:55]

So I guess he just copied it out of a sutra. And then the relatively short commentaries And this chapter, in all the scholarship on Dogen I've seen, written in this century or the last century, centuries, I haven't heard anybody commenting on this fascicle. But this is something he wanted to say to us as he was dying. He wanted to do this thing about making offerings to Buddhas. And I confess to you, I feel, again, kind of touched that when he was dying, he got into making offerings to Buddhas, and now I'm also kind of getting into making offerings to Buddhas.

[31:04]

that towards the end of my life, I am becoming kind of involved in what he was involved in towards the end of his life. I'm happy about that. I'm sorry if that's difficult for you to hear about these offerings. So that's the chapter about offerings to Buddha. And basically it starts out by saying, which, let's see now. I brought some glasses which are in my left pocket. Pull that out of here. Oh, and in the introduction, the translator says that in some religions, they say, you know, basically, well, we're... What do they say?

[32:21]

They might say... In some religions people may feel it's unnecessary to make material offerings believing that reverence is sufficient. But in the Buddha Dharma, particularly in Zen, Abhidhogana, we value action. In other words, we want to connect the Dharma with our karma. It isn't like, you know, I don't know what, you believe something's important but your karma is like someplace else. You connect your action with your body speech. So if you think making offerings makes sense, do it with your body speech and mind, not just your mind even.

[33:29]

but also not with your mind and not with your body and not with your voice. Use your action to embody the principle of your relationship with immediate realization. So, when we talk about offerings, we're talking about material offerings and non-material offerings. I wouldn't say immaterial, but non-material. So material offerings are any physical, well, like cakes, and robes, and blankets, and parasols were a big deal in India, right? It's hot. Put the parasol over the Buddha who's sitting in the sun. Hold it up over the Buddha's head while he's sitting out there giving the talk.

[34:32]

I'm restraining myself. Parasol stories. Stop. Reb. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Stay on track here. Parasols have been offered to teachers in India for a long time. Also in other, maybe in Tibet, you know, windshields, you know. Heat, offer heat, warmth, booties, hats, gloves, all kinds of offerings to make beings comfortable and in particular to make Buddhas comfortable. They need help. Make them comfortable. They got a hard job. offerings to buddhas to make them physically comfortable give them food and water give them books to read i don't know what make them comfortable give them physical offerings and of course give offering all sentient beings too but we're talking about buddhas right now and the next thing to offer them is offer them fearlessness which is um

[35:48]

in their case, not usually a big deal because they've already got it. But that's the second kind of offering, is to offer fearlessness. And the third kind of offering is dharma offerings. I think that dharma offerings are... I imagine that they're easy for you to feel good about. The Buddhas would like Dharma offerings. And that's right, they would. And Dharma offerings are taught by the Buddhas as far superior to the material offerings. But also offering material offerings is part of the offerings. As I mentioned a number of times, when I was ordained as a priest by Suzuki Roshi, And I noticed that Dan Welch, who was ordained a couple of months before, he had given Suzuki Roshi a nice piece of wood which could serve as a desktop, a wooden desktop.

[37:12]

And that piece of wood is still in the Doksong room in the city center. And I was looking at that piece of wood and I said to Suzuki Roshi and his wife, who we called Oksan, which means wife, and I called her Shibo, which means teacher mother. I said to her and him, can I give you to express my gratitude for ordination? And I don't remember if she looked at him, but I think she quickly said to me, give him your practice. And I think he was in earshot or anything. But anyway, that's what I understood to give him, and so that seemed fine to me. So I didn't actually give him...

[38:14]

material assistance. Actually, I didn't think of doing it. I didn't think, oh, I want to give him offerings. But I intentionally put myself in a position where if he wanted me to help him with anything, I could. So I was In 1970, I was the director of the building in San Francisco, so I assigned myself a room next to him, so that when he went from his room anywhere, he would walk by my room. And if he wanted to tell me anything, it was easy to tell me. I had my door open, so he could just look in and say something to me if he wanted to, and also he could oftentimes see what I was up to. So if I was doing anything good, I would do it where he could see me. And then the not-so-good stuff I would do in the closet.

[39:17]

The room had a closet. But anyway, if I knew he was around and wanted to give him a Dharma offering, I would do some practice in my room where he could see when he walked by. It's an offering, right? And he would stop and say, yeah, that's a Zen priest. I go, I thought he might say that. Anyway, so I was there and he could go by and he could say, or Oksan could come by and say, you know, come here. And then I could go help them with certain manual labor tasks at their apartment down the, you know, 15 feet away. And yeah, they would bless me with the opportunity to offer physical assistance. And I did not have the concept at all of making offerings to Buddha at that time.

[40:22]

I wasn't thinking of doing it. But now I look back, I was offering myself, I was offering my body, my young male body of service to this person in my life. And I wanted him to use me in any way that would be helpful to him and have his wife use me in any way that would be helpful to her. And I never said that. I just put myself in the position and they got the idea. I didn't go and say, can I help you with anything today? I could have, that would have been fine, but I didn't because I didn't want to. I actually saw some other people would do that and it was a hassle to them. people coming, can I help you, can I help you, you know, that wasn't comfortable for them. But just somebody who was there, not exactly like, you know, just there. And they got the idea and they would call me and again it was set up so I could usually go.

[41:27]

And so they got the idea that when they called me I could come and help them. And almost everything they asked me to do was really simple. so I was able and they thought I was a genius. Like one of the things was their television wasn't working, you know, and I went up on the roof and saw that it wasn't connected to the antenna and connected it to the antenna and, you know, that was like a miracle. And then I would do things like, and this is not the origin of this joke, but I would do things like screw in light bulbs. But I would do them by myself. I would actually do stuff like that for them. And also I would plug in things that needed to be plugged into the wall, climb under the laces.

[42:30]

You know, really easy stuff that being older people sometimes would have a hard time doing. So that was material offerings. But the main offering, to me that was, those were fine, but the main offering which I understood he wanted, the thing he really wanted from us, from us and from me, from us and from me, was to practice, to practice being upright in the midst of this immediate stillness and realization. That's what I thought he really wanted and I was happy to do that with him. And I felt that's what he wanted and that's what he still wants, us to find our way to enact this practice of the Buddha.

[43:32]

And the practice of a Buddha is the Buddha. Buddha is not something practice. So the dharma practices in the Avatamsaka Sutra, when the Bodhisattva Samantabhadra talks about how to make dharma offerings, there are seven kinds of dharma offerings, which are the supreme offerings to make to the Buddhas. and the Dharma offerings are to practice according to the Buddha's teaching. That's the first kind of Dharma offering, when you practice according to the Buddha's teachings. The next kind of Dharma offering is to benefit any and all living beings. When you work for the benefit of beings, that is a Dharma offering which you can make to the Buddhas.

[44:37]

Of course they want you to help all beings. You can make that. Don't just do it. Also make it an offering to the Buddhas. It's fine to do it, of course. It's excellent to do it. But then also say, and by the way, I offer this to the Buddhas. I have this relationship with sentient beings. Simultaneously I have a relationship with the Buddhas. And then to gather and embrace and sustain all sentient beings. To be intimate with all sentient beings, that's an excellent Dharma offering to Buddhas. If you work on being intimate with that living being, that is a wonderful gift to the Buddhas. So when you do that, great, and then you can offer that to the Buddhas.

[45:38]

And the fullness of helping living beings is realized in not just helping them, but realizing that that is something you're doing in relationship with Buddha. If you miss that part, of the Samadhi. The offering to Buddhas isn't in addition to helping the people. It's already there, but if you don't practice it, you might miss it. When you help Buddha, already, but if you don't say, okay, and now I offer this to Buddha, you might miss that. It has to be enacted. to be realized. And then the kind of scary one is standing in and undergoing the suffering of all beings.

[46:49]

That's a scary thing, but that's another thing. If you're doing that, if you're standing in and undergoing the suffering of all beings, That's also something to offer to all Buddhas. This is something which all Buddhas have done. And then to diligently cultivate all good roots. That's another Dharma offering. And not forgetting the activity of the sattva. is when you don't forget or remembering the activities, remembering the activities of bodhisattvas, including the activity of making offerings to Buddhas, remembering them, not forgetting them, that's another offering. Whenever you remember a bodhisattva deed, that is also an offering to Buddha. And then not getting distracted from the thought of becoming Buddha for the welfare of the world. staying in touch with that mind.

[47:52]

That's another thing to offer to the Buddhas. So sometimes when you remember, oh yes, I wish to, I wish to give my life to the realization of Buddha for the welfare of the world, and I make that an offering at the same time I remember it. Those are the seven offerings, Dharma offerings, which you can offer to Buddhas and Bodhisattvas But that's the Dharma offerings to the Buddhas. Of course, it's easy to understand that they would love to receive such gifts. But they also sometimes love cakes. And they sometimes specifically ask for them. Now in this chapter on making offerings, the ancestor Dogen says that Buddha said, if there were no past ages, there could be no past Buddhas.

[49:09]

If there were no past Buddhas, there would be no becoming a monk. and receiving ordination. And then Dogen says, clearly remember in the three ages without fail, and three ages means in past, present and future, without fail, Buddhas exist. So the ancestor wants us to remember clearly that in past, present, and future, Buddhas exist. How they exist, of course, is in a middle way. But he wants us to know that they always exist. For example, now there are Buddhas existing. And then he also mentions, with regard to past Buddhas, do not say they have a beginning and do not say they have no beginning.

[50:17]

If we falsely suppose the existence or non-existence of a beginning and an end, we are not learning the Buddha Dharma at all. A little bit of middle way philosophy at the beginning. And then he says, those who serve offerings to Buddhas in the past and follow and learn from them inevitably become Buddhas. So again this teaching which has not received much emphasis in the transmission of Zen to the outside of Japan and China. At least I haven't seen much of it, but here it is. He's saying that those who make offerings and become ordained as bodhisattvas and obey the Buddhas, they will become Buddhas.

[51:33]

They become Buddhas by virtue of serving Buddhas. They become Buddhas by virtue of making offerings to Buddhas. How could living beings who have never served offerings to even a single Buddha themselves become Buddha? And I think maybe, since it's probably getting a little late, I won't get into this kind of big sutras that are coming up. I'll just tell you they're there and tell you that maybe tomorrow, if we're here again, just to tell you that there is a large presentation of an incredible story told by Shakyamuni Buddha of his amazing story of making offerings to Buddhas.

[52:45]

And so maybe tomorrow I will read you the sutra, quotation, telling what Shakyamuni Buddha tells us about his history of making offerings to Buddha, to Buddhas. about that tomorrow maybe but just to tell you for now he made offerings to a very very dot dot dot very very dot dot dot many buddhas that we're being told that shakyamuni buddha said and offerings to many many buddhas And one more thing I want to tell you is that he said over and over again after he made these wholehearted offerings to many, many Buddhas for many, many eons, not affirm me because I had expectation of gain.

[53:47]

Over and over he made this astounding effort of generosity towards many Buddhists for a long time. And thousands of them did not affirm him. Because I had expectation of gain, he said. Our ancestors confessing according to the scripture that he made great efforts with expectation of gain. our ancestor confessed over and over that he had this problem and just so you can sleep tonight and finally he met a Buddha and as soon as he met the Buddha he got over practicing with expectation of gain

[54:52]

after all those other Buddhas that he served so wholeheartedly, so lovingly, with and did not receive confirmation from, finally when he met Timpankara Buddha, he immediately got over it and received affirmation. So, and I was, what, [...] when, when, when, and finally, He got over it. So we can get over our defiled practice if we keep wholeheartedly being defiled. And making offerings, you know, many, many Buddhas for a really long time is a good way to notice our defilement. And like Oscar Wilde says, if we persist in our folly long enough we will become wise. So, but you have to do it wholeheartedly.

[55:57]

So we have to be wholehearted here. You know, bring the cakes and bring your practice as gifts moment by moment. Keep giving them to Buddha and they won't affirm you if you have any expectation of gain. But if you keep doing it for enough eons, you'll finally bring of your face to a Buddha. and there won't be any waste-gaining idea. And then you'll be a Buddha, predicted to be a Buddha. Affirmation means that Dipankara Buddha said, and so maybe tomorrow I'll read you this amazing story that he told about his history, his history of making offerings to Buddhas. And Dogen, here at the end of his life, is on board by saying those who make offerings to Buddha inevitably become Buddha.

[57:02]

And you become Buddha as a virtue of making offerings to Buddhas. And once again, people say, why not to sentient beings? But remember that one of the main offerings to Buddhas is that you serve sentient beings. Serving sentient beings of what you offer to Buddhas. Opening to the suffering of sentient beings is a great offering to Buddhas. So our care for each other is offering to Buddha, and we should make our care for each other, not just our care for each other, but also in service to our teachers. And we will, according to this teaching, become Buddhas by virtue of this generous transmission of our kindness to all beings to the Buddhas and also transmission of our devotion to Buddhas to all sentient beings. I mean, you see how it's being proposed to work?

[58:06]

I just want to share with you that I was very happy to tell you about this amazing practice of Shakyamuni Buddhas serving all Buddhas. It took me a long time to dare to tell you about this because I thought This could be really obnoxious to hear about this, really boring. But now because of your wholeheartedness, I felt like today I could bring this up. You're welcome. Reverend Sheldon, thank you for this nice hammer. I was thinking yesterday, some years ago, there was a improvisation teacher named Keith Johnstone who came to San Francisco.

[59:19]

Live, do you know Peter? Yeah. And he taught improvisation and he did some workshops and Peter went to some of them and other professional actors like Peter and non-professional actors karmic beings like me went and did some organization workshops. And one of the people who went to these workshops, his name was Leonard Pitt, and he's a professional actor. Is he still operating? He's become an author. He's an author, yeah. But he used to do some performances, some like one-man shows or something. And I remember one of them he did, he did this show, but in the performance he had his left toe lifted off the ground during the whole time. Kind of as a mindfulness thing, while he delivered his performance, he had just constantly kept his left toe off the ground. Kind of like this.

[60:21]

You try it sometime when you're giving a performance, just lift your left toe off the ground, or even harder, lift your baby toe off the ground. Would you help me, please? What time does it say? 11.23. Okay. So it's already kind of late. And I want to thank you again for the presentation of the Diamond Sutra yesterday, for C.T. So as usual, if you have anything, it is welcome.

[61:43]

Good morning, Timon Blanc. Good morning. Going fishing? it will be hard to top that. Any other feedback? I have a cake story.

[63:05]

Okay. In 1972, in December, after the practice period in Tassajara. Oh, yeah. Do you remember that practice period? The cheesecake? Yeah. So can you hear me okay? Yeah. So Red was the shoe sew for the practice period, and for his shoe sew dinner, we made cheesecake, which was his choice. There's two Kate stories. One of the Kate stories is that carrying these three pans that were connected down into the walk-in, somebody fell, and the cheesecake overturned in the walk-in, and we had to gather it up and... Anyway. But after the practice, coming back to San Francisco during the interim, I went downtown San Francisco to David's Delicatessen and bought another piece of cheesecake for you as a gift.

[64:13]

A cake. Thank you. And I gave you this box. It came in a box. Do you remember this? No. Thank you, though. And there was a big piece of New York, a big wedge of it, and you, with your hand, just took the cheesecake and, like, smushed it in your mouth. And just gobbled it all with cheesecake. And I remember feeling just astounded that she was so... would eat like that. And I realized I had expectations that you would, you know, think, share it, carefully eat it, but you just like saw it and just pushed it in. So now I understand what that gift was.

[65:18]

Thank you so much." And so there was two cheesecake stories. And one more cheesecake story was someone made me a cheesecake in the Sahara for me, and I think put it outside of my room. But I didn't know about it. And so Mel Weitzman's dog came. His dog was named India. And India took the cheesecake away and started to eat it. And then I don't know who found it. But anyway, I think Mel found out about it and came and apologized to me for his dog eating the cheesecake.

[66:30]

But then one of the students at Tassajara, one of the early students of Sukhriya, she found the cheesecake too, and he took the cheesecake back to his room. And he was in the process of finishing it off. when he was discovered and he relinquished it. He got back a little bit of the cheesecake and it was really delicious. So fortunately we have a ceremony called ordeoki where certain people can eat in a dignified fashion. But then when they aren't in Oryoki, it's shocking what happens.

[67:32]

Some people need to have lots of ceremonies around them. I'm a little bit worried with Rusa because of a possibility of people giving you material gifts. Doesn't she have an embargo on non-perishable gifts? I'm just checking it out. Is that still true? She says, yeah, she says gifts should be... Right. Like... Cheesecake. Cheesecake, flowers, tulip bulbs, money. You know, that kind of stuff. Poetry. Poetry, yeah, poetry.

[68:43]

Especially if she doesn't have to hear it. On that note, I have an offering. Last night I wanted to pass on, and I hope that it's in some way nourishing. It's called Seconds on Cooking. for breaking my vow with silence to confess to all beings in writing at 3 a.m.

[69:48]

the true colors of my practice, the true taste of my life of faith. I want to dedicate this to Jeke's choir because if she hadn't suggested that he go to study hall, he wouldn't have encouraged me to show all myself And also to a young woman who several years ago when we had vacated the Dharma seat, encouraged all of us in the Seshim to give Dharma talks, took the microphone and put it to her chest and asked us to just listen without saying anything to her heartbeat. Is there some heartbeat that comes to your ears? The only thing that gets me out of bed is the promise of a cup of coffee and a cake at the headlines in punch-and-beauty times.

[70:50]

Once I'm up, one thing follows another, and suddenly it's time to go to bed. This day was special, though, because my... ...corner of the mouth against the corner of my laptop's screen. The day before, I had read how cats have scent glands that are just behind the whiskers, and they mark their world that way. Maybe she thinks I have scent glands on the tips of my fingers, and that's why I sit there tapping a dangling pretend mouse on a lively red string so she can crouch and pounce, crouch and pounce, over and over, often to my delighted eyes. The black phoebe perches on a faucet in a garden. Like my cat, she is dressed in black and white. Her mice wear prick wings and flutter through the air. I can't see what she eats, but I can see how she gets her beak in position for its sudden nourishing snap, then flips satisfied back to her perch.

[71:55]

In the guest house, someone snores. Someone moans. The rain falls gently on the roof. Yesterday, while I was eating a chocolate chip cookie dipped in chocolate, I planned on having another chocolate chip cookie immediately afterward, during the break. I have some in my car. Maybe I will have two, I thought. Thinking that way, having one will be a show over his game. No, my muscles ache so bad I deserve two. With a second thought in my way, I took only half a cup. Some days I really love my wife. Other days I hardly give her a single thought. Some days I really love my cat. Other days I wonder who I can get to take her.

[72:59]

Sometimes I massage my mother's demented head. Other times I wish she would die soon. I don't know how many times the Buddha was played alive and carved into a meal for Pit-Bird King, but apparently he never healed. I wonder if kings have a secret recipe for preparing the flesh of a Buddha. I wonder if they inherit along with their throne a taste for tender Buddhas. Maybe that's why they told me I shouldn't write during Sashimi. It'll bring my mind back to that old poem. Where for your viewing pleasure, and because it, quote, where for your viewing pleasure, because it's only puppets after all, two beings can feed the living daylights out of each other, blow you into coffee, lament the state of the world, and the fall. Maybe I should stop writing now and go into the Zendo to practice self-perceiving and self-employed samadhi.

[74:06]

But my knees whisper, no. They whisper because whispering doesn't seem to be such a great violation of their vow of silence as raging out loud. Sometimes they knock on my door. That's silent enough except all the letters are in capitals. Don't go back there. to the zendo, my knees screaming in bold print. On the other side of the note, in parentheses, my back reminds me of someone who said, twisting the space between my right shoulder blade and my spine for four days. What would Buddha do? Would he put on his white shirt, wrap himself in a black robe, and hobble to the zendo? You will have to ask him. Me, I'll listen for the big bell, knowing I have only four minutes to get there. I will hurry towards my seat to stop, try to decide if I have the, is it privilege to sit cross-legged on my cushion, or whether I'll sit where at least I'll just have to endure the night.

[75:24]

Which brings me back to the fundamental point. What calls me back to this? True, it's been four years since the last time, and at 65, my memory gets more frail. But a voice keeps calling me back. All I could say is something real really happens here. Or not. I can't tell you what or what not, but for 40 years, the rain on the roof keeps calling me back. One more cup of tea. One more cup of tea. I heard that Shakyamuni Buddha had back problems.

[76:32]

And one time he was unable to sit upright and give a Dharma talk, so he didn't. But they had a Dharma talk. He reclined near his seat and had his senior student, Maha Kashyapa, sit on his seat. And he gave Maha Kashyapa a robe to wear. And so he reclined in pain, back pain, while his actually older, Mahakashyap was actually older than Buddha, I think, while his student who had no back problems.

[77:39]

And also I just want to say that in, I believe it was wonderful session of nineteen seventy one i think at the beginning of that session but i might be wrong might have been another time uh... but at the beginning says a curious he said uh... the beginning he said uh... we're we're starting to say and uh... I don't know if he said, we're all going to finish, but something like, and maybe we'll all finish together. Some of us may have to go sit in chairs. Maybe we'll have to close the windows, but somehow we'll get through this together. And we did.

[78:49]

May our intention equal...

[79:05]

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