Homage to Manjushri, the sweet bodhisattva of light, who is taking such good care of us this week. Homage to dears and comrades. who have devotedly sat here this week. In this session we have several people who have been practicing at Zen Center for twenty years or more. I think we have eight people who are sitting in their first session. I don't know who to congratulate first.

[01:05]

In between the oldest and the youngest, many others. The people who are doing your first session, you've done very, very well. And I think it has something to do with the inspiring example of the old-timers. I'm incredibly moved by your peaceful absorption in the light of Buddhist teaching and Buddhist practice. On the way in here, one of the old timers gave me a little scribbling which says, listen to the dumb man who had a wonderful dream.

[02:18]

So please listen to the dumb man and bring forth as much as you can of love and respect and faith and listen to the teaching of the gentle Buddhas and their devoted disciples in the Zen lineage. We start with, this week, our ancestor Kon Ejo, a great and humble ancestor who said, The face of Buddhism, its appearance and its function are simply absorption in the womb of light.

[03:28]

Buddha's light, Buddha's body radiates light. His physical forms are infinite and utterly pure. filling the lands like clouds, everywhere extolling the virtues of Buddha. Where the light shines, all rejoice. And the suffering of beings are removed. And they are mild. inspired with respect and goodwill and total devotion to all beings. This light becomes manifest in the non-doing, in the unmoving, just sitting.

[04:56]

We Zen people have no other purpose than to knock out the blocks and melt the glue, to enter the mud and waves, to join hands with all beings and walk through birth and death with them. This is our only work. How can we do this? By total devotion to this light. which is free of all extremes of existence and non-existence, of gain and loss, free of all attribution

[06:46]

One more psychology class. If you go around and try to get away from extremes of attributing existence or non-existence to what's happening to you, to your experience, this is simply the same attribution. To try to intervene between the things that appear and the imagination that they exist is impossible. However, there is somebody who never

[08:09]

gets busy and never attributes anything to her life. There is somebody who sees that what appears is just that, and the belief in its existence is always separate. If we are willing to admit that we are constantly and instantaneously associating what appears as our life with some belief in existence. If you can admit that you do that all the time, that is called being willing to enter the mud and water. And if you're willing to enter into this eternally defiled process of mind with no hesitation including no messing around with it and trying to separate what's happening from the defiling tendencies of attributing existence.

[09:22]

But be willing to admit you're doing it every single moment. Then the one who can see that what's happening and all belief in existence are always, in fact, separate. the one who's not busy, who's not attributing anything, and also who's not trying to avoid attributing anything, will start walking and talking. But if we resist entering the world where our mind works like this, we are simply caught in the world where our mind works like this and have no way out. If you can admit that in the world of our busy mind there is no way out, the way out completely realizes itself.

[10:32]

End of psychology class. It's very hard to talk about this without encouraging people, accidentally, to try to get in there and pry their experience apart from the belief in its existence. Many people have come to me telling me about their attempt to separate the two. You cannot separate the two. They are already separated, in fact. That is what's called parting the Red Sea. And that's quite an accomplishment. As a matter of fact, parting the Red Sea is called the accomplished. But it's done through leaving things alone, because actually the Red Sea is already parted, and you can walk right at the middle of it.

[11:40]

and work your arms when you walk. End of addendum to psychology class. So just breathe and sit. Or if you like, just sit and breathe. You could take your choice. But be sure to do both. Just breathe and sit through everything and nothing without getting involved. Really not getting involved. Even if a billion jumbled thoughts and squadrons of conflicting emotions appear and disappear.

[12:58]

If we don't get involved and thoroughly renounce them, and again, not getting involved does not mean you try to wipe them away either. You don't hold on to them and you don't try to get rid of them. You really don't get involved. You let the dumb one who doesn't even know how to get involved take over. This is called thoroughly renouncing each thought. Then each thought will be the light of perfect wisdom. Each confused, jumbled thought will be the radiance of Buddha's wisdom. You know, I really believe that. This does not only apply to sitting.

[14:08]

Each step is the walking of light. Each step not making vain attributions, 24 hours a day being as though dead. 24 hours utterly dead. No view of self or false imagination at all. Nevertheless, breath goes in and out. Body and mind are unified light.

[15:11]

quietly shining. And because you spend all day long utterly dead, therefore you can respond when called. Therefore Because you walk like a dead person, when the call comes to join hands and enter the mud, you can say, yes, boss. If you're not dead, when the call comes, you hesitate. You have reservations. at a hotel, so you can't help at this particular moment.

[16:15]

So, that's it. It all comes down to total devotion to being like a dead person, which means total devotion to not squirming away from being who you are Being dead means you're willing to live who you are. Total devotion to accepting your light means total devotion to the light, which we call total devotion to all beings. Responding to the call is the light.

[17:21]

And the light is responding to the call. The Buddha says, monks, and the monks say, yes, Lord, that's it. That's all there is to it. Monks? Yes? How can they answer that? When I was in college, someone said to me, you want a dog? I said, What kind? They said, it's a cross between a golden labrador and a carrier.

[18:34]

So it looks like a little golden labrador. I said, okay, I'll take it. He didn't look exactly like a little golden Labrador, because the head, the proportion of the head to the body was they had a bigger head in proportion. But anyway, she was a cute little dog. And I had just seen a movie called Dr. Zhivago, so I named the dog Lara, after the heroine, who had kind of golden blonde hair. So... I had this dog, and it was a great dog. And I trained her somehow. I put papers around the apartment, and she shit on him.

[19:39]

But gradually, somehow I learned how to get her to wait and shit outside. I don't remember exactly if I was mean to her during that process. But anyway, she lived with me for a while. And I was a college student and I didn't have time to take the dog for long runs like I could have done when I was younger. So she spent a lot of time in the apartment studying by herself. And I... And I didn't feed her too much, partly because I was poor and partly because I didn't want her to get fat. This is my kind of parental attitude, but I wanted her, I thought she looked better thin. So I didn't feed her too much. She wasn't like real skinny.

[20:43]

She just wasn't one of those fat dogs, you know? Anyway, I had to be careful because she liked to run outside and go eat garbage. Partly because of this, you know, Spartan diet she was on. And so that was that. And so one day she went out to eat garbage and didn't come back. And she was gone and she was gone and she was gone and And she was gone. And then my roommate told me after a few months that he saw her. He said, I saw her, but I don't know if you want her back because she's changed a lot.

[21:48]

I said, what's the difference? She said, well, She's not exactly fat, but she's gained a lot of weight. She's real stocky. You know, running, eating garbage and running all day, she got really strong. And she said she's in a pack of dogs. And when I went up to her, she growled at me and almost attacked me. So I don't know if you want her back. Besides, she's gone anyway with that pack of dogs. So... Then, I don't know how much, maybe another month or so later, he said, I saw your dog again, and he's living with a little boy nearby who bought him from some other kid. So some kid said, you want to buy that dog from me? Some other kid bought him for a dollar. So I went over to the house of this kid, and it was kind of, I lived in a slum at the time, near the university,

[22:49]

I had a nice apartment for $75 a month, and I shared the rent, so... But it was in a real rough neighborhood, and so I went over to this house, this kind of rough house, and there was a guy in there that looked kind of in bad shape, and then a little boy, and I even saw my dog behind the door, and the little boy came out, and I gave him the dollar, and I tried to get my dog, but my dog growled at me, and I had to put her on a leash to get her home. I got her home and in the house, and she wouldn't let me get near her for quite a while, but she would take food. So I gave her food, and after a while she let me give her a bath, and little by little she started to become her old self again, which was a very sweet dog. Probably not any sweeter than your dogs, but anyway, she was really sweet. And being thin as she was, she was also really fast.

[23:51]

And anyway, she was a lot of fun, and we became friends again. And that was a great lesson for me, to see how being out on the street and being treated roughly or whatever happened to her, she got mean and frightened. Coming back home and being fed and cleaned and given a nice place, And loved, although with low calorie intake, she became really sweet. And I didn't teach her how to be sweet. She figured it out by herself. She just stopped being afraid, I guess. Anyway, I still had a kind of parental attitude towards her. And then the time came when she went into heat for the first time. Well, no, no, it wasn't the first time she got into heat. But anyway, she went into heat, and when she went into heat, I kept her indoors because I didn't want to have a whole bunch of puppies in the house, too.

[24:58]

One dog was enough for me. So when she was in heat, I kept her in the house. And when I went out the door, I was very careful to close the door fast because she wanted to get out for some reason. Anyway, one time she got out. a little bit ahead of me. And by God, there was a gang of dogs out there waiting for her. I guess they can smell through the doors and everything. Anyway, she ran ahead of me and I tried to catch her. She ran in among this group of male dogs. But I felt like she was getting too far ahead of me and they were running away and stuff like that. And I noticed that if I couldn't stop her, I wanted to choose which one. And there was one there I really liked. He was kind of big. It was a husky. Beautiful white husky. I thought, well, that's the one.

[26:00]

But that isn't the one she chose. She chose one. You know George Wheelrestog? Of course, it was a male. She chose one like that. A little kind of a runky guy with spots all over him. and short hair like that, just sort of like a little stubby. He got to her. And that was that. But I still didn't give up. I said, come in the house. And you know what my dog did? She started to come in the house. That's how obedient and devoted she was. However, as you may know, if you know something about dogs, Once they're connected, you can't get them unconnected until it's over. So when she came into the house, guess who she brought with her?

[27:10]

So when I saw that, I realized that I was getting off the track and I said, okay, just stay out there. So she finished the job, or they finished the job. And sure enough, it worked. She was pregnant and she got, you know, started to become big and so on and so forth. And then as she approached the end of her turn, the birth opening starts to ooze. various kinds of blood-like, bloody-looking material all over the place. So during that time, I tried to keep her in the kitchen. I had a nice little carpet. As a matter of fact, that carpet is at Green Gulch in Eno's office. You want to see it?

[28:13]

And I did not want my dog to come in and bleed all over my carpet. which I paid $58 for. And I was fairly successful of keeping her out. Occasionally I would come into my room and she would be in there and I would say, get back in the kitchen. And sometimes she would even try to get up in my bed and I would say, get back in the kitchen. Anyway, one day I came home into my bedroom, and there was my dog, up in my bed, sitting on my pillows. Blood all over the pillows. I said, get in the kitchen. And so she went in the kitchen. I went over to clean up the mess, and there behind the pillows was six puppies. And again, I realized...

[29:18]

I was ashamed to be put in my place by such pure devotion. And I said to my dog, okay, go back, sit on the pillows, take care of those puppies, which she did. And like most puppies, they were fairly cute. Not as cute as I would have wished, but pretty cute. And I found homes for them all. And then my dog, Lara, and I decided to go to California to study Zen. So we did. And she rode in my car with me, sat on my feet for those thousands of miles, When we stopped for gas, I would get out and she would get out and she would run many laps around the gas station and then get back in the car.

[30:23]

So I went to San Francisco. And we moved into Zen Center housing across from the Sokoji Temple over in Japan town. And then I had the problem of, again, what to do now with my dog living in a city like San Francisco. Or again, she would run around and stuff like that, and people were worried about her. And some people told me that it was not kind to have a dog living in an apartment like that in the city. I should give it to somebody in the country or something. I thought it was dangerous. for her to be out during the day and bad for her to be in the apartment when I wasn't around. So I kind of sympathized. But I didn't think it was actually that dangerous because she grew up in the city and she knew how to get across the street without getting hit.

[31:31]

She was very fast. Anyway, I finally went along with the suggestion of some people to send her to the country. So I found a place for her to the country and she went to the country. And then sometime later I met the people who I gave her to and asked her how she was and they said that she was dead. She had been run over by a car in the country. So I tell that story because this dog taught me about total devotion, and also I was devoted to her, but I don't think I was as devoted to her as she was to me.

[32:37]

Looking back, I don't think I should have sent her to the country. I think I should have kept her with me. and found some way to make it work for her in the city. So, I again say to you, I really feel you people have the light You are the light. And... As Moon Moon said, if you look for it, you can't see it, and you'll be in the dark.

[33:56]

The light is just... exactly what you are and you can't see that but someone else can see it and tell you that you are the light and now that this retreat is coming to an end I hope you take your light wherever you go I hope you believe in your light and you take it into the world and see how it functions. If there's some bystander who doesn't agree, who doesn't believe in her light, you are welcome to.

[36:32]

Amish to Manjushri, the sweet bodhisattva of light, who says that being a human being is precisely what is meant by awakening. And the way to realize this is simply by not moving. And already you're not moving. The feeling in the room seems to be somewhat sad, is it?

[38:16]

Hmm? No? Yes? I didn't expect this. It would be sad when it finished. Sadest words that Tom had claimed are simply these that might have saved me. The saddest words of tongue or pen are simply these. It might have been... Those two? Yeah, those are my... Well, those are my two dogs that sort of were my... my babies. My sister had tons of dogs. I have stories about them some other time. You know, I wasn't exactly sad, I was ashamed. I'm very happy, but I'm also ashamed.

[39:23]

I'm ashamed of the infinite number of times when I wasn't totally devoted to what I was doing. Is there someone at those times who worked fully devoted I completely believe that. So it's just this busy guy that's ashamed. The one who can notice and honestly notice that he gets distracted from total devotion to what's happening. But he does get distracted and he feels bad about it. So you disrupt. What? So I just drop it, right? But I'm wondering about you guys. No, you're not.

[40:24]

I'm just wondering about you. How's your health? Better. Better? Wow, are you guys ready? Are you guys ready to go? Maybe we keep the session going. Well, you can do that. But are you ready to go? Sure. Okay, if you're ready to go, then you're also ready to stay too, right?

[41:25]

Okay, so we'll practice a song. You're ready to go, you're ready to stay, you're ready to sing. I'm ready to sing. When the wooden man begins to sing, the stone woman gets up to dance, okay? Okay, now this is a song which maybe not everybody knows, so so we'll practice and then by little people will know it. It's called You Gotta Have Heart. It's from a I think it's from a musical called Damn Yankees, which is about the Yankees, you know, it's about baseball, the Yankee baseball team, I think. It's called You Gotta Have Heart. It goes like this. Please, those of you who know, join in. You gotta have heart. All you really need is heart. When the odds are saying you'll never win, that's when the grin should start.

[42:36]

You gotta have heart. Mustn't sit around and mope. Nothing's half as bad as it may appear. Wait till next year and hope. When your luck is bad and zero, and get your chin up off the floor, now's your chance to be a hero. You can open any door, but to do it, but to do it. But to do it, but to do it, there's nothing to it. You gotta have heart, miles and miles and miles of heart. Oh, it's fine to be a genius, of course, but keep that old horse before the cart. First you gotta have heart. First you gotta have heart. And what do you say?

[43:37]

That's it?

[43:50]

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