I said some time ago, I repeat it over and over, that the bodhisattva's realization is emptiness. And realization has two meanings. One is to make real or manifest, and the other is to understand. Certainly a bodhisattva's understanding is emptiness. ultimately. But realization in the sense of what the bodhisattva manifests in the world and makes real is not just emptiness, but this appropriate responding It's not just emptiness, it's also emptiness is appropriate responding, responding appropriately, mutually.

[01:06]

And this morning when we were chanting the merging with, what's it called now? Huh? The harmony, the harmony of Sandokai, harmony of sameness and difference. And we get to that line where it says, it used to say merging with, now it says according with sameness is still not enlightenment. Does it say according with sameness is still not enlightenment? This is a test. It says according. It used to say merging with sameness is still not enlightenment. And I thought, oh yeah, that's it. And that word, according, is also sometimes translated as merging.

[02:12]

And the title of the scripture is called harmonizing, harmony. But that word merging, kai, and actually I'm not sure if merging at that point is the same merging as in the title. the merging of sameness and difference. I'm not sure, I don't have a Chinese text, but let's say it is. That word, the origin of that word is make a notch or a line in bamboo or wood. So in old days in China, they used to make little notches in bamboo to record agreements or contracts before they had writing, different kinds of notches. So the origin of the word is an agreement or a contract or a bond or a merging.

[03:23]

So a contract with sameness is still not enlightenment. And sameness, what is sameness? Well, it could be what? What are the options? Emptiness. Could be emptiness. Merging with, realizing emptiness is still not enlightenment. Merging with, or a bond with emptiness, according with emptiness is still not enlightenment. We need to come out of that realization or grow from that realization and enter into relationships, enter into contracts, enter into agreements with all beings. We're already in some kind of contracts with all beings, but we have not necessarily realized emptiness. After realizing emptiness, we enter into contracts with these beings

[04:28]

understanding that this being and that being are not inherently existing beings. So to realize emptiness is still not enlightenment, although it's necessary, there also has to be merging back into all these relationships with with beings. And these relationships with beings, based on emptiness, based on realization of emptiness, is appropriate responding. So emptiness, which has this compassion at the center of it, naturally re-enters difference. The middle way, the balanced way of being, which has compassion at its center, re-enters.

[05:31]

Realization of dependent core arising, which has compassion as its center, re-enters. But Wang Bo makes a point that enlightenment is not just this re-entry with all beings, but he calls it a silent re-entry. Silent or subtle or a dark re-entry. In the sense that you don't necessarily talk to yourself about this. You re-enter the words of speech having cut off speech. So you don't necessarily think, oh, I now am going to re-enter, or there's now going to be a re-entry. So merging with emptiness or the middle way is still not enlightenment.

[06:45]

And even when we enter into this mutual responding, words are cut off. And also, Wang Bo's teacher, Baijian, said, emptiness is cutting off words. So you realize emptiness, you don't stay there, you re-enter into relationships, mutual relationships, relationships of partnership, and agreement and commitment, but the words are still cut off. Even while you're talking, words are cut off. And in thinking about, so I'm saying these things to you in hopes that you will understand what I'm saying and that this understanding will be useful in interacting with beings. But I don't want you to remember what I'm saying because then you're going to be using words about trying to refer to the words about how to relate.

[07:57]

So I say these words and hope you forget them. And that before you forget them, you understand them. And I hope I do too. You know, carrying the teaching to the meetings with beings is like carrying a self to the meeting with beings. So we let go of all the good teachings and re-enter the meeting. And remember that When the Buddha attained, unsurpassed, complete and perfect awakening, there was no dharma by which this attainment occurred.

[09:01]

And then, in the attainment, the Buddha didn't get a single thing. And yet, from this attainment, he came forth. So, again, if you look at the sutras we've been reading over and over, he said, blah, blah, blah. I attained the middle way, which was liberation, which was enlightenment, which was nirvana. But he's talking again. He's out there teaching. He attained... the middle way, he realized enlightenment, he became liberated, he entered nirvana, and now here he is back with us, in the realm of words, but cutting off words and talking and talking and talking. It's in the sutra, but he doesn't say, and do you notice what I'm doing now after I told you what I did before?

[10:04]

Look at what I'm doing, I'm here talking to you guys. Now, whenever I go to the bathroom, you know, and put my bathing suit on, I always think, you know, about that conversation I had with you before. But there's one thing I told that person that I want to tell you.

[11:05]

Actually, there's several things. There's one thing I told that person which I want to tell you, and there's several things which I'd like to tell you which I might not. But what I told that person was, I sometimes don't either. You know, I sometimes don't put my bathing suit on. This is like, you know, this is a confession to you. I always, under certain circumstances, I always take it off. But there's some lightweight kind of activity that I sometimes don't. Now, if I tell you part of a story and don't tell you the whole story, is that okay?

[12:11]

Because I'm not going to tell you even part if I can't just tell part. I want to tell you a story about somebody, but I do not want to tell you who it is. But I won't even tell you the story if you force me to identify the person. Because some of you are going to want to know who it was. But you have to not force me to tell you who it was if I tell you. But it would really be fun to hear part of it. So is anybody going to force me to say the person's name? Huh? What? Because I'm not going to tell you the person's name because that might be harmful. So one time I was with a very famous Asian Zen master. This was not an American. And it was after this person gave a Dharma talk

[13:15]

and I was I was at the Dharma talk and so after the Dharma talk we left the assembly and we were walking in the dark and he he was walking he was a male he was walking with his Jisha and who was a male, and they didn't know I was walking behind them. And he went, and he lifted up his robes outdoors and relieved himself. He did a number one. And he giggled and giggled. And then trot it off like Rasi does after this.

[14:30]

And this was one of the highest Zen masters in Asia. Is that enough? Is there anything you'd like to discuss? Please come up. Just leave it in there? Think it's okay if I just leave it in there? Are you checking your heart?

[15:39]

Yeah. Yeah. It's working. It's working. So I feel my belief in inherent self grabbing me. He can feel it? He can feel this. His belief is grabbing him. So, do I have to drop that in order to meet you? Do I have to drop it in order to meet me? Yeah. Didn't you say, you have to drop it in order to meet me in a free way? Yeah. I shouldn't say you have to drop it, but it has to be dropped.

[16:40]

Then you'll have no hindrance with me. and your heart will operate on a more normal basis. But you can relate to me before, while holding on to you, you can relate to me, but there's a certain, there's some stiffness there, right? There's a little bit, slightly too much seriousness. Well, or too little. So that, you know, the most responsive response that you can relate to me will be found when that drops away. There'll be a big relief and you'll be able to interact with me really freely. So an appropriate response under these circumstances is not really possible. Maybe just an approximation of an appropriate response. An approximation of an appropriate response, yeah. An approximation.

[17:41]

Appropriate response would mean that you would be able to show somebody who is in your position how to become free of his attachment to his beliefs. So it might be hard for you to... It's not that you could never do it, but your skill level is hindered by that belief. It's not that you can't be any help at all. It's just that you'd be completely skillful and at ease with helping people if you didn't have that belief pushing you around anymore. It's not black and white. Okay, thanks. Lately, I felt like I have a big scarlet bee on my chest for a baby maker.

[19:03]

That would be me, yeah. Yet, in a way, I feel like I've never more truly been your student than now. Couldn't hear? She says that she feels like she's got a baby maker stick around her, but that she's never been more truly my student than now. Hmm. And I wanted to tell you that it's really okay if you don't want to babysit, and it's really okay if you don't want to do diapers. But you're welcome anytime. Thank you. And I'd like to clarify this diaper situation. What I'm saying is that a bodhisattva has to... My feeling is that leaving home does not mean that you extricate yourself from relationships. Leaving home means you extricate yourself from holding yourself back from relationships.

[20:08]

You extricate yourself from having your own little place where you get to decide who you relate to. So leaving home means you actually come out and you get even more involved with all beings. So one aspect, one way of getting more involved is to get into an an entangled relationship with a teacher and a group of other people that are entangled in a web of relationships like that. And so what I'm saying is that if you, right now, you may be never more truly related to me now than, now you may be related to me more fully than ever before. But what I'm saying is that If you're in the baby area, in fact, I noticed that I don't go visit all those little babies.

[21:09]

I noticed I'm not there. So your entanglement with me will be reduced if you have to do that kind of work. Your entanglement with your baby will be increased. But I noticed, you know, I thought, now, did I ever change Jessamyn or Jamie's or Kendra's diapers? Maybe, but maybe never, never. Did you ever change Taya's diapers? And I don't know if, you know, Mary ever changed Taya's diapers. We sometimes trade off, but basically, you know, you're not going to other people's houses changing their kids' diapers. So right now, I have no complaint at all. And I won't complain later either. But in fact, there will be a difference. And you still may be a true student, but will you be entangled with me in the same way? Will I come up, you know, hour after hour to change diapers with you?

[22:13]

I don't think so. Why? Because I'm committed to these entangling relationships with these other people. So that's what I mean. And I appreciate the invitation. And, you know, I might come and change diapers. But, you know, I'm really not asking you to come and change diapers. It's really okay. It's really okay. She doesn't want me to do this. She doesn't want me to. She's got enough problems. She doesn't want me coming in and watching. Would you stop watching me while I do this? But anyway, right now, I agree. You've never been truer than you are at this moment. And I'm not saying you're going to be less true later. I'm just saying... Our relationship will not be... Some modes will be not available. There's one thing I would ask, though. There's one thing you would ask? Which is, please don't give up on me. She said, please don't give up on me. I will never give up on you.

[23:15]

And also, I would ask you not to give up on me. Will you not give up on me? I will not. That's the important part. Is that okay? It's another illegal thing, huh? Once in a while we get illegal. Intimacy or involvement? It didn't see your involvement. It's hard to tell sometimes. Mm-hmm. But you said earlier about the self, carrying the self to a meeting. Yeah. Is that involvement? Yeah.

[24:16]

She said carrying the self to a meeting, is that involvement? I said yes. Intimacy is when you go to a meeting but forget yourself. You're there meeting, but I forgot something. What was it? Oh, yeah. Well, since I always carry myself with me everywhere I go, so what do I do? What do you do? To not get involved. You don't do anything to not get involved. You just honestly admit. You come and you say, okay, I admit it. I brought myself. I'm a bad person. I got myself, and therefore I'm really involved in this meeting. But you're honest about it. And that honesty is a basis for forgetting about what it is that you dragged along with the meeting. Okay. Okay? Thank you. You're welcome. I brought myself.

[25:38]

Do you fully avow it? I fully avow that I brought my view. You fully avow that you brought yourself. Yes. Thank you. Now are you ready to take refuge in Buddha? Yes I take refuge in Buddha I take refuge in Buddha What are the teachings of a whole lifetime? What's the temperature of our relationship?

[26:49]

Hot. I'm... I'm relieved to hear... He told me to, you suggested that if I had difficulty giving a response, I looked to see whether there was anything that if I relinquished it, it would be possible. So I had a response the other day when we started this event, and I had some hesitation about giving it.

[27:51]

So it took me a couple of days or a day or so, and then I remembered your suggestion. And I looked, and I found a couple of things that I think come down to views of myself that I'm willing to relinquish. Uh, the, the things that I remember are one was, I think, I think of myself as a caretaker of the community. So I worry that in a situation like this, where most of what's happening is very positive toward you. Some people will have negative things they want to say, and they won't be able to say them, but I'm relinquishing that. So they're going to have to take care of themselves. And, but I will, I won't dislike them. And... And if they can say those negative things, then you realize you'll be relieved, won't you?

[28:55]

I'll be relieved. About that point. Yeah. So if anybody wants to relieve Lesley, you know what to do. Beat up on Rich. He can take it. And the other thing was that I was shaking, that I don't want to say the same thing as everybody else. I want to be special. But I'm giving that up. And so heart to heart, agreeing and disagreeing partners Until, I'm not sure, until death do us part. Forever. As long as possible. You're a great treasure in my life.

[30:06]

And you're mine. I hope I expressed my respect for this gift adequately. You usually do, up and over. Are you babysitting me?

[31:13]

A little bit. No, I'm not. But sometimes I feel like you want me to. But somehow I... I don't know if somebody else has been doing it, but I don't think I've been babysitting you. Oh, sometimes I feel like you want to babysit me. Is that not possible? I mean, I feel, you know, sometimes I feel like there's a request to babysit, and I feel a little, you know, a little like, geez, maybe you should babysit him. But I haven't been doing it. I haven't been doing it. But I feel some kind of a little request to do so. And I kind of feel like, geez, maybe I should.

[32:18]

And I haven't been going with it. But I don't want to be, you know, rigid about this either. But somehow I think that's enough that I feel that hope that maybe enough has been enough. Has it been enough? For what? Has that been close enough to babysitting for you? Should I have gone further in the babysitting direction? I don't want you to babysit me. I don't think you do either. That's why I haven't been doing it. But when you look at me, I feel like a baby. When I look at you, there is a thing in my mind that I'm looking at a baby. It's true. I do see a baby. But I don't see a baby that wants me to babysit. I see a baby that wants me to just be near him and let him grow up.

[33:19]

So that's what I've been doing. I haven't been doing any of your growing up for you. But I do see a baby. It's true. And, you know, I really enjoy seeing the baby. Yeah, I do too. I love you. And there is a negative now. And you brought this little bottle, which warns me not to bring up your adrenaline. So I would like to put this maybe in another form.

[34:24]

So I'm going to try this. Meine Damen, meine Herren, heute sehen Sie mich Gläser abwaschen und ich mache das Bett für jeden. Und Sie geben mir einen Penny und ich bedanke mich schnell. Und Sie sehen meine Lumpen und dies lumpige Hotel. Und Sie wissen nicht, mit wem Sie reden. Und sie wissen nicht, mit wem sie reden. Und an diesem Tag, da wird es still sein. Am Hafen. Wenn man fragt, wer wo sterben muss. Und dann werden sie mich sagen hören. Und wenn dann der Kopf fällt, sag ich hoppla.

[35:34]

Und ein Schiff mit acht Segeln und mit 50 Kanonen wird entschwinden mit mir. It's a pirate Jenny from... I think it's the Baggers Opera. It's called from... Okay. Thank you. English dessert. So the pirate Jenny is washing dishes and takes a penny. And people see her rags. But they don't know who she is. And then the question is asked one day, who is going to die? She says, everybody.

[36:38]

And when the head falls, she says, Hopla. That's her. What did you say? Nothing. What did she say? You are like a flower, so old and beautiful and pure. And we need a few days of beautiful weather. It's going to come up here and be really serious.

[37:44]

It's impossible. Or maybe it isn't. Let's see. So maybe we could just travel on like this, you know, this side-by-side kind of traveling. And, you know, forget about Not completely, but, you know. So much for aging together and all that.

[38:46]

You know, sometimes there's a baby here, too, in this wrinkling further and further space. Graying further and further. Bring the baby to me. Yes. She's come to you many times. So she just gets bathed in this luminous mirror wisdom. It seems. Great. Great. And what else is there? There's nothing else. That's it. I appreciate how you

[39:54]

pushed and directed me. I pushed you. I guess I could say, yeah, you pushed me. How? To be myself. I pushed you to be yourself. Wow. I feel like you pushed me to be myself. I feel like you haven't given me what I wanted But it's been really good. What did you want? I don't know exactly, but I don't think it's what I needed. Did you get what you needed? Something's coming along.

[40:56]

What? Here I'm starting to be able to face things, breathe. Thank you. You're welcome. Howdy, partner. Howdy, partner. Howdy, buckaroo. Yay. Are you ready to be insulted?

[42:02]

Yeah. Jeff? He said, are you ready to be insulted? And I said, yes. Are you ready to be praised? Yes. Are you ready for anything? Thanks for the warning. It's a wonderful teaching. It's a wonderful teaching. Thank you, teacher. So that's a good summary.

[43:05]

Are you ready to be insulted? If an insult's coming, how do you get yourself ready for it? Sit up. Feel your... Get your feet on the ground. Get balanced. Get settled down here. Open your heart. Ready for the insult. Are you ready for the praise? So let's enter the stream together.

[44:12]

Let's enter the stream practice together. Ready for his salt and praise. And, you know, the last yesterday and today, too, I'm kind of intending to sit in the zendo, mostly. And I think, you know, what's this, you know, sitting in the zendo got to do with being ready to respond appropriately?

[45:23]

And I kind of feel like there's a certain kind of work that I have to do with my own body. Appropriately responding to my own body. Trying to find how to sit up and receive the praise and blame in my own body. The insults. And the praises that come when I just sit. Sitting and coping with these is part of the work. And if I don't do this work, then when I meet others, it shows. It interferes that I haven't done this work. When I do this work, I'm more open to the work with others. So I... Partly this work is really irrelevant to the real work of saving beings.

[46:26]

But partly this work is of facing myself and dealing with myself and feeling myself and not running away from myself. It really purifies me. It purifies us. One period is asin. Another person can insult you like that. Another person can praise you like that. And throw you for a loop like that. But usually when you sit down, you don't just usually sit down and go, you know. It usually takes a few hours before you start to really feel insulted by this body. Before you want to get away. Before you want to get away. Before you want to... Before you're challenged. So this intra-psychic intra-physical work takes a lot of time before our defenses start dropping.

[47:29]

So I still think we need to do a lot of sitting to purify our intra-psychic and intra-physical work, intra, so we can do the interpersonal, inter-physical, inter-psychic work. in an unobstructed way. You may not have any questions, but I was actually wondering, why don't we just interact all day long? Why don't we have these kinds of meetings all day long? And we could if we were clean. But I think there are certain kinds of accumulations that build up where we don't interface with ourselves And we need quite a bit of time just with ourselves in order to clear those registers so that we could interact all day long with each other without outflows, without getting drained. So I still think the combination is good.

[48:40]

And I think I want there to be more of the interactive Not less of the sitting, but more of the interactive. And so now comes the summer here at Tassajara when there's going to be lots of opportunities for the interactive. So I hope you can keep doing your work of sitting with yourself and facing yourself so that you don't get clogged up in your interpersonal relationships. So that will be hard this summer. It will be hard for you to sit enough to keep, you know, to run into yourself and find out how much inner resistance there is. For me, part of the problem is sometimes if I do a lot of doksan, I can forget how how much I need sitting.

[49:41]

There's a difficulty I have when I'm sitting and I don't have when I'm doing Doksana. Even though I sit longer in Doksana, I don't, you know, I'm getting all this entertainment, right? I don't have to face this boring person. I don't have to face this, you know, simple situation of my body. So I, I, I think in the future I, I will try to sit more. And I appreciate your feedback about whether you think I sat too much this practice period. Maybe some people think I sat too little, but the question is, did I sit too much? I think it was maybe about right during Sesshin But, see, partly I feel like there's still people on the toksan list right now, you know.

[50:46]

And there's some number of people I'm not doing toksan. But I think, so I feel bad, you know, because you're waiting to see me and I'm not seeing you, I'm sitting here. So I have that conflict, so I need your help. What's the difference? Well, the difference is if I'm seeing people, then I'm not keeping them waiting, right? Can't you see someone who's on the list? I can, but do they feel that? Do they, when they put their name on a list, do they feel that when I'm sitting with them, that that counts? Or do they feel like I'm not taking care of them? So I kind of feel, I feel a little bad that way. That they're sort of saying, may I talk to you? And then I'm not meeting them. So I kind of like to not keep people waiting if they want to talk to me, right? So I need your, when you say I want to talk to you, I need your permission also to say, I want to talk to you and you can sit in a zendo too. For me, it helps me just as much when you're sitting in a zendo with me as when I'm meeting with you. I would appreciate that help if that can be the case.

[51:48]

Because like at Green Gulch, I almost never go to zazen. Just seeing people forever. But I think that's not good practice for me. Because like I say, dokusan is easy. Because I don't have to face this quality of my own body and mind. Not so much. Just me by myself, you know. I think that's good for all of us. So, none of us should just be sitting in the Zando and none of us should just be in the Doksana. So please help me balance these two different ways of practicing. the intra-psychic and the interpersonal. Make sure I'm doing enough intra-psychic. Yes? Dragons and elephants!

[52:50]

Bring forth the Dharma! In retrospect. I'm on the Dukes on List, so maybe I can bow now and my name can get crossed off. Thank you so much, Kendra. Cross it off. Is that enough for now?

[53:39]

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