I kind of, unfortunately, this has to be a short talk because, I say unfortunately because I actually would like to talk to you longer than a short amount of time this morning, but I have to go to have surgery. I'm telling you that also so you remind me to stop, because I forget. Please stop me, pretty soon. But not yet. Also, I wasn't going to mention it, but an interesting thing happened in the last few seconds, and that is I felt a little bit of energy from your chanting. I was feeling kind of weak from lack of food and liquid. I haven't been able to drink for about 12 hours, anything, so, feeling kind of weak. But the chanting and everything, I feel all peppy again. And I don't know where to start, but I just might start with mentioning to you that

[01:08]

in Soto Zen, of the lineage that comes to us, one of the most important scriptures besides the Heart Sutra is the Lotus Sutra. The Japanese founder, Zen teacher Dogen, really loved the Lotus Sutra. He grew up with the Lotus Sutra and went to, you know, his early priest training, his early monk training was in a place which can be called the Lotus School headquarters. A school of Buddhism called Tiantai, which venerates the Lotus Sutra as the supreme teaching of the Buddha tradition. And in that scripture, there's a chapter called the Eternal Life of the Tathagata, the Eternal Life of the Buddha. And basically what I think it says in that chapter is that, the Buddha says,

[02:17]

although it appears that I was born in this world, and lived in a nice house with my mommy and daddy for a while, and then left home and practiced asceticism, realized its limits and found the Buddha way, taught for 45 years, and then entered into parinirvana, in other words, died. This is actually kind of a show. Really, I'm not born and I don't die. So, the Buddha Shakyamuni said, it looks like I was born and I died, but now I'm coming back in this sutra and I'm telling you that I'm not really born and I don't really die, and I'm still here, and I always will be. Buddhas don't really have birth and death, they just appear to have birth and death,

[03:28]

so we can relate to them. They're actually, the real body of the Buddha doesn't appear and disappear, and isn't born and doesn't die. It's not permanent, it's eternal. It doesn't last, it isn't born and it doesn't die. This true body of Buddha which doesn't come and doesn't go, and isn't born and doesn't die, it's like space, and it responds to beings by manifesting in some form. So it manifested in India 2,500 years ago as a person who lived a life,

[04:29]

and who said he had realized the way and taught and died. And then it has been manifesting in various ways since then. But all the while, the Buddha is present for us to relate to. But most of us don't know how to relate to space, but we do know how to relate somewhat to people. So Buddha also manifests as people, in varying degrees of Buddhahood. So I've been suggesting to you that again in this family style, we don't so much think about practice as something that I do or you do. It's not like, I'm going to go practice Zen, and you can join me if you want, or I'll join you if I want. I'll do my best, and I hope you do your best.

[05:34]

It's not so much like that, but rather, I want to practice Zen, but I'd like a little bit of dialogue about this practice of Zen. So, I actually tried practicing Zen by myself, and I kind of felt like I needed help, but I really couldn't do it by myself. I had some books and stuff, and various forms of encouragement, and I did, in a sense, I was practicing Zen myself. That's the way I thought of it. But I noticed there were some limits to that. I knew that in some sense it would help if I could check with somebody about how I was doing and what was happening. Also, it was kind of hard for me to continue practicing, because as you know, it's not that easy to sit on a regular basis, with not much spaces between the sittings. So I thought maybe if I sat with other people, that would be helpful, and I thought if I had a teacher and I could say,

[06:35]

well, this is how I'm practicing, what do you think? This is how I'm meditating. Is there any guidance? This is how I like to be. I sort of knew how I wanted to be. I wanted to be, I didn't say Buddha, but I wanted to be like a Buddha. I wanted to be like those Zen monks in those stories I read. I wanted to be like that. In other words, I wanted to be really helpful, in a really kind of unsanctimonious, unselfrighteous skillfulness. Totally cool. I wanted to be that way. I heard the practice went with that way. I wanted help with the practice to become a certain way. So I thought I could go and check with somebody who knew that practice well. So I practiced together under that teacher. He would guide me.

[07:37]

And so I did. I practiced and showed him my practice. I sat in front of him so he could see it. I put it in front of him again and again so he could see it. I brought it to him, I showed it to him, I showed it to him, I showed it to him, and got his feedback. And in that way, that was my little human version of a human being relating to the divine object Buddha. Buddha used my teachers to talk to me. Buddha used those people to have a mouth to speak English to me, maybe with a Japanese accent. It's almost like these people are Buddhas in a way sometimes. It's almost like they're channeling Buddha. And we can interact in that way. But the practice then is not so much I'm doing the practice,

[08:44]

but the practice is more like, Hey, here's the practice. This is like an entree. Here, here, here's my practice. What do you say? What do you say? How is it? Any feedback? Any comments? Here it is. And sometimes you feel like you get an answer. Sometimes you're not sure if you get an answer. But you offer it. But sometimes, as I mentioned before, you don't even know you're offering it. You don't even know you're offering it. But deep down inside, you actually are yearning to be totally cool, to be totally helpful, to be totally free, to be totally beneficent in this world. We do have that urge, but it's somewhat unconscious. And sometimes it comes to the surface, up through all of our stuff, sticks its head out, and makes a little squeak. And sometimes we hear an answer, and sometimes we don't. And sometimes it sinks back under the ocean of turbulent psychological processes.

[09:47]

And then it comes up again sometimes, and so on. Sometimes it stays above water a long time, and calls and calls, and drums and drums and drums and drums, and every time it drums, the singing starts right with it. But because you're drumming, you can't hear the singing sometimes. And sometimes you notice, there's somebody singing along with this drumming. Wow! You stop the drumming to see what the singing is, and the singing stops. So you're kind of like... Yesterday, I started talking to people, so that's part of the reason why I have a lot to say, because lots of questions came up about this. One of the questions, one of the first ones was... I think something like this, I may be misrepresenting, but the person said,

[10:51]

you know, sometimes I offer incense, and I don't really like... you know, it doesn't seem to me like I get a big response from the Buddha on that one. But sometimes, when I just pick up a piece of trash, I really feel like I get a response then. Why does it have to be offering incense? Why can't it just be picking up a piece of trash? She didn't say, actually, when I throw down a piece of trash. But some people might even say that. Some people might say, I get no kick from incense. Riding around Green Gulch, high in the sky, picking up trash, you know, doesn't move me at all. But littering really gives me a thrill. Nobody says that around here. But you could even say that. And some people do, actually,

[11:55]

and this is called antinomianism. That you think that because of your innate Buddha nature, anything you do is the Buddha way. There is a crucial difference, but not that easy to understand, a crucial difference between the idea that the Buddha way encompasses all activity, which is not... it's not the style of this school. But what is the style of this school, which sounds similar, is the teaching that every action must be performed as the Buddha way. This family is a performance art school,

[12:56]

a performance art religion. You perform picking up the trash as the Buddha Dharma. That is our way. Then picking up the trash is a ritual, it's a ceremony, it's a probe, it's a reaching for the Buddha. You don't just practice for yourself, you practice for the Buddhas and the Bodhisattvas and all beings. You practice for the Buddha way. Everything you do can be done as the Buddha way. That's our school. Not anything you do is the Buddha way. This led some people to think that the inherent enlightenment of us all is embodied in even unwholesome,

[13:59]

unskillful, cruel acts. We don't say that. We don't say that. The rituals of the Buddha, the rituals of the Buddha Dharma are the Buddha Dharma. The rituals of the Buddha way are the Buddha way. Apart from making your breathing, your thinking, your moving, your talking, a performance of the Buddha way, there is no other Buddha way. That's the

[15:03]

spirit of this tradition. There are other traditions. But their dreams, they're not real. All their traditions, besides that, are basically emerging from belief in an inherent self of a person and things. This teaching, this practice, emerges from understanding of the selflessness of you and me, of how we can never do anything by ourself, and how everything we do is powered by things other than ourself. But when we understand that, we have a great, vast, beneficent activity,

[16:07]

which we don't make happen by ourselves, but which happens by practicing together with all Buddhas and all beings, which is called Buddha practice. Almost time to stop. This is terrible. But anyway, there was, there is a monk in our tradition which we chant in the morning, Tetsu Gikai Daiyosho, Eihei Dogen Daiyosho, Kon Eijo Daiyosho, Tetsu Gikai Daiyosho, Keizan Jokin Daiyosho, the teacher of Keizan Jokin, the student of Kon Eijo, and also a student of Dogen, and also a student of another lineage of so-called Zen called the Darumashu, Darumashu. This monk, before he met Dogen, studied in another version of Buddhism,

[17:08]

and just by coincidence, that school of Buddhism taught, not exactly taught, some of the members of that school taught, that any action, for example, the mere lifting of the arm, or moving of the leg, embodies Buddhism. Some of the monks in that school taught that. This is part of the background of a Tetsu Gikai. That the raising of the arm and moving of the leg embodies the Buddha Dharma. They thought that. So anything they did, they thought, embodied the Buddha way. Therefore, there was no need for the ethical basis of Buddhism. So this monk and other monks

[18:12]

came to Dogen with this kind of background, so that's part of the reason why he made this point so strongly, that it isn't the moving of the leg embodies Buddhism, but rather that when you move your leg, you move your leg as a deportment of Buddha. You move the leg with the knowledge of the way Buddha moves her leg. You move with dignity and kindness and a sense of training your leg to move like Buddha, to move like the vast space which responds to the welfare of beings. So Gikai came to Dogen and he was apparently an exceptionally enthusiastic monk. He had a, you know,

[19:15]

a real zeal and just this morning as I came into the room, it occurred to me something which never occurred to me before, which I'll tell you about in a minute. Anyway, Gikai was the Tenzo, the head cook for Eheji for quite a while. And he did, he did some amazingly kind things for the monks. The kitchen was like down the hill from the monastery and he would like carry the food through the snow to the monks. Deep snow. Anyway, he was really popular with the monks because he was a great Tenzo.

[20:17]

In a sense, apparently selfless. Apparently selfless. And what I realized this morning was that maybe Dogen wrote the fascicle called Tenzo Kyokun, which means instructions to cook. Maybe he wrote this for Gikai. And the reason why I thought that is because one of the things he emphasizes very strongly in that text is these three minds. The vast mind, the joyful mind, and the grandmother mind. That this is what he wanted Gikai to work on. These three minds. And he wrote him a little fascicle because he was such a great student, he wrote him special instructions for the great Tenzo of Eheji. I think he really loved Gikai.

[21:28]

And we probably would too, if we were there. So this is something that Gikai wrote of the final instructions that he heard Dogen give. So this is the final instructions recorded by Tetsuo Gikai. On the eighth day, seventh month, fifth year of Kensho era, Master Dogen's disease recurred. I was very alarmed and went to see him. He said, come close to me. I approached his right side and said, this is Gikai talking, excuse me, I approached his right side

[22:31]

and he said, I believe that my current life is coming to an end with this sickness. In spite of everyone's care, I'm not recovering. Don't be alarmed by this. Human life is limited. And we should not be overwhelmed by illness. Even though there are ten million things I have not yet clarified concerning the Buddhadharma. This is Dogen talking. Even though there are ten million things I have not yet clarified concerning the Buddhadharma, I still have the joy of not having formed mistaken views and of having genuinely maintained correct faith in the true Dharma. The essentials of all these

[23:33]

are not any different from what I've spoken of every day. This monastery is an excellent place. We have, we may be attached to it, but we should live in accord with temporal and worldly conditions. In the Buddhadharma, any place is an excellent place for practice. When the nation is peaceful, the monastery supporters live in peace. When supporters are peaceful, the monastery will certainly be at ease. You may live here for many years and you have become a monastery leader. After I die, stay in the monastery, cooperate with the monks and laity

[24:33]

and protect the Buddhadharma. I have taught you and protect the Buddhadharma I have taught. If you go traveling, always return to this monastery. If you wish, you can stay in the hermitage. Shedding tears, I wept and said in gratitude, I will not neglect in any way your instructions. For both the monastery and myself, I will never disobey your wishes. Then Dogen, shedding tears and holding his palms together, said, I am deeply satisfied.

[25:36]

For many years I have noticed that you are familiar with worldly matters and that within the Buddhadharma you have a strong way-seeking mind, a strong way-seeking heart, a strong mind of enlightenment. Everyone knows your deep intention, but you have not yet cultivated grandmotherly heart enough. As you grow older, I am sure you will develop it. You have not yet cultivated the grandmotherly heart.

[26:38]

As you grow older, I am sure you will develop it. Restraining my tears, I thanked him. At that time, the head monk, Ejo, Kon Ejo Dayo Sho, was also present and heard this conversation. I have never forgotten the admonition that I did not have grandmotherly mind. However, I don't know why Dogen said this. Some years later, when I returned to Eheji and had gone to see him, he had given me the same admonishment during a private discussion. So this was the second time he told me this.

[27:43]

On the twentieth day of the seventh month of that year, before I went to visit my husband, in my hometown, Dogen told me, you should return quickly from this trip. There are many things I have to tell you. On the twenty-eighth day of the same month, I returned to the monastery and paid my respects to him. He said, while you were away, I thought I was going to die, but I am still alive. I have received several requests from the Lord Yoshishige Hatano at the government office in Rokuharumitsu in Kyoto to come to the capital for medical treatment. At this point, I had many last instructions,

[28:50]

but I am planning to leave for Kyoto on the fifth day of the eighth month. Although you are very well suited to accompany me on this trip, there is no one else who can attend to all the affairs of the monastery. I want you to stay. And take care of the administration of the monastery. Sincerely take care of all the monastery affairs. This time I am certain that my life will be over. Even if my death is slow in coming,

[29:52]

I will stay in Kyoto this year. I do not think the monastery belongs to others, but consider it, excuse me, do not think that the monastery belongs to others, but consider it your own. Presently you have no position, but have served repeatedly in senior staff positions. You should consult with others on matters and not make decisions on your own. Since I am very busy now, I cannot tell you the details. Perhaps there are many things that I will have to tell you later from Kyoto. He was appointing him to be

[30:55]

the director of the monastery. If I return from Kyoto, the next time we meet, I will certainly teach you the secret procedures of Dharma transmission. However, when someone starts these procedures, small-minded people become jealous. So, you should not tell others of this. I know that you have an outstanding spirit for both mundane and super mundane worlds. However, you still lack the grandmotherly heart. Dogen had warned me

[32:00]

to return quickly from my trip so that he could tell me these things. I am not recording further details here. Separated by the sliding door, the senior nun, Egi, heard our conversation. On the third day of the eighth month, Dogen gave me the woodblock printing for the prohibition, for the eight prohibitory precepts. On the sixth day of the month, bidding farewell to Dogen in an inn in Wakimoto, I respectfully asked, I deeply wish I could accompany you on your last trip, but I will return to the monastery according to your instructions. If your return is delayed,

[33:09]

I would like to go to Kyoto to see you. Do I have your permission? He said, of course you do. So, you don't need to ask any further about it. I am having you stay behind only in consideration of the monastery. I want you to attentively manage to the affairs of the monastery. Because you are a native in this area and because you are a disciple of the late Master Akan, many people in this province know your trustworthiness. I am asking you to stay because you are familiar with the matters both inside and outside the monastery. I accepted

[34:15]

this respectfully. It was the last time. I saw Dogen and it was his final instruction to me. Taking it to heart, I have never forgotten it. I have to go to the hospital now, I think. So tomorrow I'll talk to you more about the Grandmotherly Heart which seems to me you need to work on. May our intention

[35:20]

equally penetrate every being and place.

[35:26]

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