then you'll be able to feel sadness and let go of those too. One time I had one of my main experiences of this was I was sitting waiting for a parking space It was like there was, you know, a parking space that was going to open up. So I was just sitting in the car waiting and I couldn't, I really couldn't do anything because I had just to sit and watch and be ready. So I was just sitting and watching and ready and nothing else to do. I could have turned the radio on, but I didn't. And this sadness came upon me and I thought, okay, I've got nothing better to do. I'm just going to feel this. And it just, it just got very deep and I went way down to the bottom of it. and then I just I was like totally refreshed and so I was sitting there totally refreshed in the car waiting for the parking space you know and I didn't it kind of didn't feel like I ever needed to park because I was alive again you know before I was kind of like where's the parking space blah blah blah you know

[01:09]

And then the sadness came and I thought, well, I can't park anyway, so let's just open to it. And so I opened and opened. And I thought, well, let's just open to it all the way. Let's just go to the bottom of it. So it happened. And then when I got to the bottom, it just popped away. And I was like, where's going? But if I hadn't opened to it completely, if I sat in the car and said, get away sadness, I gotta, you know, blah, blah, blah, it just would have kept haunting me. So when sadness comes, give it a chance. Receive Buddha's gift and you'll be refreshed. I found myself resisting, and that kind of made it worse. Yeah. And so then I just said, well, you know, this will be your crying meditation. Yeah. And I mean, it's exactly like you described it. Yeah. I feel like I sort of, you know, discharged something.

[02:15]

Yeah. He discharged some cleaning. And then your body and mind may move to some other area where there's clinging, where it wants to be lightened, and go over to that area and offer you another opportunity to open to another kind of sadness and go to another place. And it's possible that if you spend many months in this way grieving and being sad, you can clear up all your past clingings and be totally fresh. And then you won't have any more sadness unless you grip something else. And if you keep something else, you have to be sad for that. You're welcome. By the way, I also wanted to say something about tears. There's been a lot of tears coming up around here. And other things besides tears. But I'd just like to distinguish when we're touched, often when we're touched, tears come.

[03:17]

Tears can come other ways, too, but oftentimes when we're touched, the tears are not the touching, but tears often come when we're touched. When we're touched, sometimes we feel gratitude. The gratitude is not the touching. The gratitude happens. It's a kind of, as I said to somebody, gratitude is a kind of secretion. Joy is a kind of secretion. Tears are a kind of secretion. And there's other kinds of secretions that also happen when we're touched. Or sometimes reverse secretions, like sometimes your mouth dries up when you're touched. But anyway, a lot of times things start flowing when you're touched, and tears are one of the things that happen. But sometimes people think that the tears are the being touched, or the tears mean there's something wrong. But the tears often happen when you're touched. And I think there's been a lot of touching this weekend, so there's been a lot of tears. You're welcome.

[04:28]

Yes. Cynthia. Yes. Hi. Hi. So, I missed the evening lectures in the first part of the retreat, so I came in yesterday and heard you speak about embracing the ordinary. Yes. And it's like it nibbled on me all night long. Good. Yeah, yeah. Thanks for being nibbled. Yeah. And then this morning, I don't know, something shifted, and I'm not sure what ordinary is. Well, I knew I said embrace the ordinary, but what I mean is embrace everything. Okay. Embrace whatever comes. But what some people do is they think, this is ordinary.

[05:29]

I don't have to like meditate on this. Right. This is not Buddha. Right. You know, this is Buddha. This is Buddha. This is Buddha. But that's not Buddha. Because she's already, you know, this is, this is my wife, right? So, you know, I don't have to pay attention to her. Right. She's, you know, I can meditate on her some other time. Yeah. She's always here. Yeah. Right. Right. No, I'm just going to meditate on this new great Buddha I just met. Right, okay. So ordinary means everything. Actually, the Chinese characters for ordinary mean eternally pervading. That's the word that they translate. When Chinese people read those two characters, that's ordinary. It's Buddha nature, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Buddha nature is ordinary. Buddha nature, that's everywhere. But we realize a special occasional Buddha. Yeah. And we say, okay, I'm going to pay attention to that. So ordinary, I'm just saying that's hardest to pay attention to ordinary. So in some sense, we need a little bit, ordinary needs a little bit, maybe a slight bit of kind of like extra encouragement.

[06:33]

There actually doesn't So whatever you don't pay attention to, whatever you don't embrace and sustain, that needs a little extra encouragement. And that's often for a lot of people what is called ordinary. Which again is a part of the reason why people object to retreat truths because they seem not very ordinary. So in order to retreat is a special occasion to come and get encouraged to take care of the ordinary. Because in the ordinary, they don't tell you to take care of the ordinary. They just say, get away from me. Well, I just wanted to thank you because it directed my attention to more of the mundane things. Yeah, right. So you feel like you're going to give more attention to the mundane? Well, what I... in giving that attention, there is, I mean, you know, there's no mundane. Then there's no mundane. Attending to the mundane is super mundane.

[07:34]

Yeah. It's like, okay. Yeah, anybody can pay attention to the super mundane. That's very mundane. But to pay attention to the mundane, that's really fantastic. So I don't know anymore. Yeah, so neither do I. Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. So she entered the unknown. Here comes a white buffalo. It matches my gown. It matches her gown, too.

[08:45]

Yeah. Yay, you. Yay, you. Yay, Betty. Yay, y'all beans. Yay, toadza. [...] Hi. Hi. I was getting really sleepy. Did you say it louder, please?

[09:52]

I was getting really sleepy, and I thought maybe it was because I was going to be saying goodbye to you, or I was trying to run away. I don't know. Are you going to say goodbye to me? Why don't we want to? You don't want to. You don't have to. Okay. Want to say something else? No, I really just wanted to come up here because it's hard to do. You wanted to come up here because it's hard to do. Well, now that you're here, is there anything else you'd like to do? Wanna smile? Wanna smile? Wanna shake your head? I'll shake your booty. I just want to keep from running away. Yeah, don't run away, okay?

[10:53]

Yeah. I mean, try not to. Okay. Make a commitment. Is this a declaration you're going to make now? You're going to make a declaration? Yeah, but I don't always have control of it. That's one of those demons. One of the demons is I don't have control or you don't have control. Kathy's declaration was not that she was going to do that. It's a declaration. This is your vow. You may not be able to do this, but you want a vow to not run away. Do you want a vow to not run away? Okay, vow to not run away. I vow to not run away. From now on? From now on, I won't run away. From now on, you vow not to run away. Even after achieving brutally, do you vow not to run away? Yes. Okay. If it's done then, you've known the vow. It's happened. Congratulations. And now, it's like, you know, slipping off that and getting back on.

[12:01]

Yeah. Yeah, but you made the vow of all his career, right? And if you take that vow back, let me know, okay? Because I'll be checking on you. You don't have to. You're going to sneak in? Sneaking. All right, you snuck in. Actually, I'm caught up. You snuck her in a... You can talk to anybody else now. This is what I want. Okay, all right. Anyone else like to... Yes, Becky? Are we comfortable or are we approaching? I just need to touch back. Okay. I'm comfortable, thank you. Thank you for coming to the party.

[13:20]

Thank you. Thank you for your wonderful invitation. I have had now for a couple years what I consider an extraordinary opportunity to come and be where you are in many settings. And through that, I have had the chance to meet many fears, some very interesting fantasies. and a lot of judgments. And when I have been sitting here yesterday, there was a time when I thought, if I don't take the chance to say a couple of fits to you, I could be sorry for my whole life.

[14:27]

And one is to say, thank you, Rep. And the other is to say, I love you, Rep. Now you're not sorry, right? No, I'm not sorry. And also I know part of what I want to say is to everybody here because it has been with the help of a sangha. that I have really found support and courage to sit through some of the things that have come to me. And I'm just thrilled with this space and all the people who are here. Yeah. Hail the Sonja. Hail the Sonja. And I also want people to know And right now in my life, I feel like I'm a place where I'm needing the hatred in my life.

[15:33]

And there have been a lot of help for me around that. Can you hear it? May you meet the hatred with no mind. And ride the waves of fire. Congratulations to us. You're welcome. Is this grasping? Is that grasping? Well, there's the grasping in my right hand, but that's not what the question was about. Well, you tell me, are you grasping? In and out. In and out?

[16:34]

Now and then? Now and then. When the mind kicks in. Keep an eye on it. Just keep an eye on it. Hello, Dave. Hello, Ed. Um... I love you. I love you. And I have a little poem for you. Will you tell it to me? I will. With an open mind, an open heart, there is an open door she softly calls from without through tears of imagined separateness.

[17:51]

He intimately whispers, from within. Come in, dear heart. There is no door to love without condition. Would you tell me your name again? Dina. Dina?

[19:01]

Yep. What is it that thus comes? Some thinking about something you said yesterday after we, I think you said, when we have a mind of no abiding, when we abide in no place, then we can see that we are all, everything is one mind. Yeah. So far so good. And that one mind, what is the nature of that mind? What is the nature of it? that mind that we all have, that we all belong to. You're asking what the nature of it is? Yeah. How's it different from a single mind, or is it sort of like the difference between absolute and relative?

[20:06]

Uh... I... The ultimate nature of that mind is that it's totally ungraspable. Okay. And the relative nature of that mind is that it's all life and all Buddhas and there's nothing but There's nothing in addition to it. That's the relative nature of it. If you want to see the relative side of it, you can see this is it. Yes. If you want to see the absolute quality, see how you can't get it. I can see that. Okay. Okay. Good to see you. Thank you. Thanks for coming. Well, I wanted to tell you that there is something about you that intimidates me and that at the same time I admire and that's the strength of your face.

[21:38]

The strength of my face? Not your faith. F-A-I-T-H. Oh, my faith. Right. Oh, the faith intimidation. But actually, we could use both. Thank you for telling me that. And I don't know, you know, if it's really my faith that is so strong or just that you see a strong faith. Maybe when you see me, you see. You use me to see strong faith. And then you have to, like, find your way to face this strong faith. Maybe it's hard to develop the right relationship with strong faith. It is hard.

[22:40]

I want to run away most of the time. You want to run away, but at the same time, sometimes you want to be near strong faith. So how can you get balance in your meeting the strong faith? I'm not saying there really is strong faith here, but you see it. That's what's important, and then you have to relate to it in the balanced way. Without giving or taking anything. But it's hard to be balanced in the face of strong faith. Just like it's hard to be balanced in the face of a strong faith. How can it hold? We're not used to being with something.

[23:42]

We're not used to being balanced. We're used to leaning into or getting away from. We're used to trying to control or rejecting. So it's a thing which we're learning. We're not experts at being balanced in the face of something really alive. So we're learning that. So it's hard to learn it because there's other things which we already know, which are very strong and well-developed, which are easy for us to fall back into. rejected your grasping. So we know them very well. They're very easy. And to not do either is our new thing we're trying to learn. Who are we? To say what it is will defile it. Good job.

[24:49]

That's another thing I like, is how you stay with Congruent. Thank you. Thank you. I get to go. What? No. Would you tell me your name? I'm Henry. Henry. I write your outfit. It's all Italian. Say we're Henry. I could relate to that thing about... Quitting. Yeah. Because I always want to quit. Yeah. Especially if it starts seeming like it's getting in sync or going well. Right. I really can't handle this.

[25:51]

I'd rather just come back to being neurotic or something. Right. Yeah. It's hard when things aren't going well because then you're, you know, There's certain dangers of things going well. Like you can think you're better than other people, that kind of thing. You can get self-righteous. And sometimes it's more comfortable to screw yourself up again than you don't think you're hot stuff anymore. Yeah, I've always been afraid to shine. But somehow I think it's important to shine for a while and then give it up rather than never shine at all. So we really can't give anything. We can't really practice no mind if you don't have something to let go of. So you've got to have some thoughts and some shining, I think, so you can let go of shining. Not get rid of shining.

[26:54]

Let go of it. Relinquish it. So if you feel some shining coming on, just let it come and then let it go. Don't stop it and don't hold on to it. But let it come, because it might come. I hate to keep practicing. I've always had something to you, like those devils you were talking about. Yeah, devils? In the air. Yeah, got them in there? Yeah. They, uh... When I used to go to Sachin's board, the devil would say, this is so stupid to be out here walking in circles. This is an adult activity. That's right. That's right. And that's a perfectly good devil. And you shouldn't try to get rid of that devil and say, no, this is an adult activity. That's another devil. This is an adult activity, and you should be doing more of this. You're not doing enough of this.

[27:56]

That's another devil. The devil is telling you to practice harder is a devil. That's a devil, too. Sounds better, though, doesn't it? Be a good boy. That's a devil. Yeah. But when you hear, be a good boy, be a good Zen student, or this is ridiculous, both of those devils, don't fight him. If you fight him, they say, I did my job. I got him. Got him. You sat for it. You just say, thank you very much. I have no complaints about this comment. And they don't grow. Maybe they yell a little louder, didn't you hear what I said? You say, actually, I did, thank you. Aren't you going to do anything about it? Well, I am going to do something about it. I'm listening to you. And I'm not going to abandon you, Mr. Devil. I care about you, too. But I'm also not going to cling to you. Oh, come on, cling to me.

[28:58]

Do you really want me to? Well, yes. Well, I hear you. I'll just keep listening to you. I'll stay with you forever, but I'm not going to cling to you. I won't abandon you. I won't possess you. So devils keep telling you, be a good Zen student. Being Zen student is ridiculous. It's not in our culture, blah, blah, blah. You just listen to that stuff. Let it come. Let it go. And then it can start shining in that non-abiding. Let that go, too. Okay? And let go of what I said, too. Don't make me into a devil. Thank you. There's time.

[30:09]

I wonder if you might comment on something that I think I'm experiencing. A lot of the people that I... Can they hear her? They can hear you. Good. A lot of people that I have been... Is it okay if they... Good.

[31:36]

A lot of people that I have been... Is it okay if they comment on it too? That'd be great. She's asking us to comment on something here. Some of the people that I've been exposed to recently that have had, that are more realized or are on a similar path, have removed themselves from what I would call our typical, like our work world. And they don't participate in that. Two of them live at a monastery. One of them, just lives, doesn't work, doesn't participate in any typical structure that we, those of us who go to like an 8-5 job might do. Can you hear her? Okay. Well, I don't know about these people what their program is, but in the Buddha program, you withdraw sometimes from certain activities.

[32:40]

For example, especially you withdraw from grasping what's in your own mind, you withdraw from that activity for a while to realize it's non-abiding. But the point of the withdrawal is to be able to more fully and more intimately engage later. To go back into that world? Yes, that's the point of it, in the Brut-up program. I don't know if that's what their agenda is, but if they're successful in their retreat to the monastery, their success will lead them to a joy so great that that joy will bring them back into the ordinary 8 to 5, 9 to 2, 7 to 6, 4 to 5, 13 to 14. They'll re-enter the world if they're successful in their retreat. And when they re-enter, they'll be more skillful and more intimate and more balanced in the waves than they were when they left.

[33:47]

So all of us need to withdraw for a while on some rhythmical basis in order to re-enter more skillfully. So usually we're abiding. We need to withdraw from abiding into non-abiding so we can see how we're all connected, how everything is one mind. Then we come back from that into the world and enact the one mind. So these people may be returning and you may be leaving and then you'll come back too in the big picture of Buddha. Some people may not see what they're coming back. They may think they're leaving forever. But if they're successful, they'll come back. You know, Buddhists do not stay in nirvana. Well, that's why I'm wondering about that. Because to me, that interaction is what it's all about. If we're going to help others attain any kind of... The interaction is what it's all about. But sometimes people have to...

[34:48]

go away for a while and be by themselves and pout before they're ready to interact again. A successful pout session is you open the door and say, Mommy, I love you. Or what can I do to help you, dear? Or I'm sorry, let's play. But sometimes we do have to withdraw, and hopefully we get a chance to withdraw and re-find what we really want to do. So withdrawal can be useful, can be helpful in helping us fully engage with all beings. It's good to hear that, because my perception on a lot of this is a belief system that I just learned that I don't think is my belief system anymore, but is that when you withdraw, you're hiding, that you're learning from something. It can be that. It can be that. I see that now. And if you withdraw and you're hiding, then when you come out of hiding, you're going to be less able to interact with others.

[35:52]

But if your withdrawal is only to purify your mind in the sense of realizing this unattached, non-abiding mind of the bodhisattva, then the bodhisattva comes back and is more skillful. So even if a person says, I'm withdrawing to become more, to realize non-abiding mind of the bodhisattva, if they come back, and aren't able to interact. They were a flop on their retreat. But let them try again until they get the idea. OK? Thank you. You're welcome. Yes. What do you say, folks? Let's turn the air conditioning on.

[36:56]

Let's turn the air conditioning on and let's just sit for a while. You sure can. Be able to come up and ride the waves. But, you know, we have this schedule. We're supposed to end around 1 o'clock. So I thank you all for coming to play with me. And I look forward to more surfing.

[37:59]

And now if you'd like to maybe we could stand up and do some walking meditation for a little while, and then we can have our opening ceremony for this space, for this practice place. Okay? So, shall we do that then?

[38:25]

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