I often use a practice slogan, which is, meet whatever comes with complete relaxation. The word slogan is, I believe, an Anglo-Saxon word, or a word from Scotland, which means battle cry. So it's a kind of a, kind of a rousing statement, to set forth on some big enterprise. Meet whatever comes with complete relaxation.

[01:07]

Another kind of summary statement I sometimes make is, a few words that describe the process of practice and liberation. So the six or seven words are, trust, relax, play, create, understand and liberate. So the second item there is relax. So trust seems to be necessary in order to relax.

[02:39]

So what kind of trust, or is there a trust, or is that the right word, for some conditions or some prerequisites that we've taken care of? That we're taking care of, so we feel that we can trust. It is hard to hear? How hard? So what kind of ground needs to be prepared in order to, in some sense, trust that you can relax? Trusting that the environment allows you to relax, or would allow you to relax, and or the environment around you would allow you to relax,

[03:48]

that the people and conditions around you would feel okay, would support you to relax, and that inwardly you would be in a condition that would be alright to relax. And then again, I feel that in a state of relaxation we can be playful, and again it's pretty hard to be, I think, pretty hard to be playful. You can play, like you can play poker, but not be relaxed. I don't know if good poker players are relaxed or not, I don't know much about poker. I don't know much about algebra either. But anyway, there are certain things you can play, I think, in a sense, you can be in the game of playing, in a sense, but not be relaxed. So I say play, but I mean also being playful.

[04:51]

I'm looking for a kind of playfulness that depends on being relaxed, and then with this playfulness it's possible to be creative, or to enter into the creativity of the moment, which of course is always there, otherwise nothing would be happening. But how can we enter into the creativity of each experience? If we can enter into the creativity of each experience, it seems to me that we will understand the nature of our experience. And if we can understand the nature of our experience, we will be liberated in the midst of our experience. And again, if we are liberated and understand and are playful and relaxed, we can welcome others into the process too.

[05:55]

Even if you trust that you can relax, and you enter into relaxation, and enter into playfulness and creativity and liberation, still other people may not be ready to relax and be playful. But part of being liberated is to be able to relate to people who do not want to play, and who are very tense, and distrustful of relaxing, trusting, and of you, and everything you value. Part of being creative is to be able to work with whatever comes, to be relaxed, to be able to relax with whatever comes. I'm offering this slogan, but in some sense it's a very tall order to realize it. So I'd like to look at a little bit how to trust,

[07:13]

how to develop the kind of trust that will facilitate relaxation. Someone sent me a communication telling me that March 21st is the New Year in the Persian culture, called Nowruz. Is that what it's called? Nowruz? And it's also in this valley, we call it the first day of spring. So first day of spring and New Year, in Asia, at New Year's time, I don't know about what we do here,

[08:16]

but at New Year's in Asia, in China, in Japan, I think at New Year's they do New Year's cleaning. Do we do New Year's cleaning here? Some people do and some people don't. But there's another term we have called spring cleaning, right? That's a more popular term. We don't have the word summer cleaning or fall cleaning so much. Mostly we use spring cleaning and dry cleaning. Thanks for laughing at that joke. Give her a mic. So spring cleaning may be helpful, may help promote trusting that you can relax. So this communication from this Persian man

[09:19]

said that at that time people, one of the things they do, I guess, in preparation for the day is they make a little fire, small fire, and they jump over the fire as a symbolic act of letting go of negative feelings. So you could let, for example, you could let go, you could consider letting go of your hatred and resentment towards certain people who you feel have been unkind to you or unhelpful. You could also consider letting go of your hatred and resentment towards yourself, towards yourself. Can you hear OK now, Jane? Hatred and resentment towards yourself for unskillful behavior that you've been involved in. Spring cleaning. Letting go of, letting go of stuff.

[10:24]

Emptying your house. Now if we start emptying our house, we might not be able to finish the spring cleaning just in a few days around March 21st. It may take not just the rest of the year, but it may be an ongoing process of emptying our house. Emptying our house. Are there any things in your house that you'd feel more relaxed if you let go of them? Or if you made arrangements for how to let go of them? And after letting go of these negative feelings, then I think I heard that on the New Years, then people get together and they have picnics and conversation. Again, if we can trust

[11:30]

that we can let go of some stuff, then we may trust that we can relax, and if we trust that we can relax, we may be able to be playful with people and have a conversation. A relaxed, playful conversation. We may be willing and open and ready for that, even with someone who has not yet let go of resentment, and who is not yet relaxed. Even if most of us trusted that we could relax, and trusted that someone may turn off the amplifier, without warning, of course in the attempt of trying to help me. Still, some people will appear to us,

[12:36]

by the kindness of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, some people will appear to us as not wanting to play. I can't say for sure, but a lot of these beings that appear to us, and say, I don't want to play with you, I don't trust you, I'm not going to relax with you, I don't want you to relax, or try to play with me. A lot of these people who are doing that are actually great spiritual beings, trying to help us to see if we can play with difficult partners. So, like most of you are probably pretty much ready to play, but some people have come to this assembly to play a special role, to push us to deeper levels of relaxation and playfulness. So, my grandson sometimes does not want to play with me in certain ways.

[13:38]

So, like yesterday, we were down in the... he wanted to go to the strawberry patch, and I told him, we can go there, but there's no strawberries yet. So, he wanted to go to the strawberry patch, and he went to the strawberry patch, and there are some strawberry plants down there, and there's one little tiny strawberry there, that's mostly green, and there's a little tiny bit of red on it. And he says, I love that kind of strawberry. Then, he wanted to make a tree fort, and actually, we were able to make a tree fort in the tree next to the swings. It might still be there, if you want to go see it. And after we built it, we were able to make a tree fort He wanted to make a sign, which said basically, you know,

[14:46]

this tree fort belongs to Maceo, and don't anybody else get into it. So, we went to the office, and we made a sign. I did the writing, because he can't yet spell very well, and I said something like, Maceo and Reb built this house. And then he said, now write stop on there. So, I wrote S-T-O-P. He said, no, no, like this. And I was going to do one of those circles with a cross across it. He said, is that what you mean? He said, no, like a hand, like this. So, I drew a little hand on there. Like stop, you know. A little hand on there. So, if any of you go down there today, to check out the tree fort, you'll see this kind of unfriendly sign. I don't know what to do about it.

[15:47]

If I take it down, and he comes back and checks, I don't want him to say, what happened to the sign? I don't want to lie and say, I don't know. And if I tell him I took it down, it'll be trouble. For a granddaddy. So, I think I'll maybe just leave it there for a while. It's okay with you guys. So, I don't really want you to take that term stop, literally. However, the tree fort is really just for like up to about 35 pounders. If anybody bigger than that gets on it, it will break. But little kids can sit on it. It's not much of a tree fort. But anyway, he has pretty stringent ways of playing with me. Sometimes he doesn't seem to be so relaxed. He wants to play this way and not that way. And if I try anything, If I try anything, it's pretty much usually not acceptable.

[16:54]

Following orders is fine. And once in a while, I know, if I try to pull a fast one, that's the term I was looking for. If I try to do something uninstructed, he often says, no, don't do that granddaddy. But once in a while, I can like reach over and blow on his stomach and he kind of laughs and that's okay. But a lot of times, or sometimes I just suddenly pick him up and throw him into the sky. That's okay too sometimes. Another thing to look at that I've been looking at as a kind of spring housecleaning that may help me trust

[17:58]

that I can relax is to give up, one way is to give up privacy. Give up privacy. In Zen practice, and also in generally speaking in Buddhist monastic training, one of the ways we help meditators get ready to relax is to set up situations which help them let go of privacy. Privacy. When we're holding on to privacy, it's a little bit hard to relax. Does that make sense? Now, that doesn't mean that children can come in and sleep with their parents necessarily,

[19:08]

but rather that the parents, even though they may have a separate room from the children, are not attached to their privacy. There is privacy in a sense, but they let go of it. When it's there, it's there, and they let go of it. When it's not there, it's not there, so they don't have to let go of it. So part of spring cleaning in the spiritual sense is to like look around and see if you're attached to privacy. Another way to put it is, are you ready to receive gifts? If no, what would help you be ready to receive gifts? And if you can identify that, some things that would help you,

[20:17]

like maybe brushing your teeth might help you be more ready to receive gifts. Putting on a bathrobe might, pulling covers up over your chest might help you be ready to receive gifts. What I'm gesturing towards is that feeling, the feeling of, hey, welcome. I can now say that. Now I kind of feel like I can say welcome. And before I brushed my teeth, I didn't really feel like I could say welcome because I thought, well, I might offend someone by my unbrushed mouth. My unclean mouth might be offensive, so I don't feel like I can say welcome because even saying welcome might be irritating to people or nauseating. But I actually also feel that if once you identify what you need to do

[21:23]

in order to welcome gifts, even if you haven't done it, you're more ready to welcome because if you know that, if you, not know it, but you feel that if you brushed your teeth you could say welcome, then even though you haven't brushed your teeth, when the guest comes you can say, you know, I'll be able to welcome you more fully if you let me go brush my teeth. And they may say, hey, you don't have to brush your teeth, I don't mind. I'm an eagle and I have no sense of smell. Did you know eagles have no sense of smell? I believe owls don't too. That allows them to eat very smelly rodents. Shrews are one of the main staples of owls. They're very tiny little high-energy mammals.

[22:24]

They're mammals, I think they're about the smallest mammal and one of the most numerous in North America and they weigh about as much as a dime and they really smell bad. But eagles and owls don't mind. What can I clean away, what can I let go of that will make me more ready to welcome guests? As I have mentioned a few times before, the word host is one of those special words in English that originally meant the opposite of what it means now. Originally the word host, the etymology of the word host, is guest.

[23:31]

The original meaning of host is a stranger or an enemy, like an enemy, an opposing army is called a host originally. But the one who took care of the host became the host. Then the place to take care of the host became the hospital, the hotel, and so on. The Buddha is the host. The Buddha is the way of being which welcomes all things, which is not holding on to any privacy from anything. Because the Buddha realizes that life arises in dependence upon the other. So holding on to privacy

[24:35]

is one of the ways that we don't trust to relax, to be playful and to enter into the creative process where the thing we're wanting privacy from is actually revealed to us as being our life. Sometimes it may not be easy to find relaxation and playfulness, but it might not be too difficult to find your attachment to privacy. So again, if you can find that, maybe you can meet that feeling of not wanting to give up the privacy and see if there's some way to encourage the letting go of the holding on to the privacy.

[25:41]

And there are formal practice opportunities for that, like sitting together in a meditation hall, at least during the meditation period, you're with other people. Now they are not reading your mind, but you are showing them your body and not being private about your body and its posture. Now again, even while sitting in meditation, sometimes people want to move because they're uncomfortable and sometimes they try to hide their movements from the neighbors. Right? Some of you have had that experience maybe, or seen somebody like that, who you can tell is trying to move but doesn't want you to notice. Now again, not wanting to disturb somebody by your movement might look similar to somebody who's trying to hide their movements.

[26:50]

But look inside, it's pretty clear there, whether you're really not wanting to disturb the neighbor or whether you don't want them to know that you don't feel like you can stand the discomfort or you don't wish to stand the discomfort of the posture and you think a change in the posture would be good. Now again, some people are changing their posture in sitting and they don't really think it's good, they actually sometimes think it's bad that they're changing their posture because they think that they should stand the pain and that not being able to stand the pain and changing their posture is a weakness. That's another piece of housecleaning to do there about the feeling that you think you're lazy or cowardly to change your posture in meditation. So another way to present this way of developing trust,

[28:02]

the kind of trust that will allow the relaxation which allows entry into the process of liberation. But let me say also, before I get into this, that if you wish to enter the process of liberation and you're really uptight and distrustful and relaxation seems far away, if you wish to achieve, to realize liberation by yourself or together with other beings, that wish is actually enough to enter the process. So just wanting to be liberated is actually starting to enter the process a little. It's just that once you want to be free and want to help others to be free from suffering, to go deeper into the process, you need relaxation. So another way of talking about developing the

[29:03]

ground to set up the possibility for relaxation, because again, relaxation is not something that you force upon yourself or others. Relax! Knock it off! It's not exactly that way, although sometimes for some people they understand that that's a joke and it works. Is basically practice compassion towards yourself and others and that also is another way of talking about developing the trust to allow the relaxation. And again, the compassion is to want yourself and others to be free of suffering,

[30:03]

which depends on being uptight and holding on tight. Suffering depends on holding on tight someplace. Deep down in our mind, we're holding on tight. We think there's something to hold on tight to. And we hold on tight because there's something to hold on to. We believe there's actually something to hold on to at the center of each moment. There isn't, but we think there is and we grab for it and that's another version of the root of suffering. So for people like that, people like us, we start the practice, we wish them to be free and then we start the actual practice of compassion. The wishing them to be free, the wishing them to be free and the wishing to work

[31:06]

to help them be free is compassion. But then also to put it into more active form, we say it as giving, virtue. Patience, diligence and concentration. These activities promote the trust which allows the letting go, the relaxation. So giving is, you know, kind of like being generous, but being generous like, I would emphasize being generous in the sense of don't wait long to be generous. Be generous right now with what's happening right now. Don't wait to be generous until you can get to the pantry

[32:06]

to get the cookies to give to somebody. Be generous with the person right now. Be generous with yourself right now. In other words, let yourself completely, try to let yourself be completely what you are. That's connected to being ready to give up privacy. If I'm, I don't know where, and I'm not letting myself, and I'm not sort of fully engaged and letting myself be the way I am right now, I may not want anybody else to see me, I may not be ready. If I'm on the pot, the toilet seat, if I'm sitting there, and I'm not being generous with myself, I may not want anybody to see me.

[33:08]

But if I'm really generous with myself on that pot, I'm not holding on to my privacy, and I guess could be welcome. I don't necessarily send out invitations, because most people are not interested. But if someone should happen to come by, if someone should happen to come by, it's not like, oh my God, I'm in trouble now. They're going to see that I do this too. And in this way. It doesn't mean people will like you just because you accept yourself. Okay, I can deal with this. I'm like this. It smells like this. Okay, I can deal with it. It doesn't mean other people will want to deal with it. But you're not afraid to receive guests. And also, if you're not afraid,

[34:16]

it doesn't mean when you're not afraid you don't warn people. Say, you know, it's okay with me if you come, but I just want you to know, over here, it's a little smelly. But you know, you're welcome to come. Some people do not close the door when they use the toilet. For whatever reason. And that sometimes shocks other people. Sometimes the other people say, you should close the door. So, you know, So, okay, I'll close the door. Fine. If you want me to, I'm okay with that. But whether the door is closed or open, are you using the open door or the closed door? Are you hiding in the toilet there? Are you actually afraid of people coming in there and seeing you? Check it out.

[35:21]

Now, could you like, gently, gently, tenderly, make yourself into a Buddha under those circumstances, who's not afraid of a person coming in and seeing them do a normal human activity? What would it take? Well, one thing, one part of what's involved there is being generous with yourself. Giving yourself permission to be what you are, completely. Try it out. That's actually compassion. With little kids, we don't like, you know, we help them do that. They want to do it sort of various places, right? Like you have a little baby, it's not a matter of her, she's not embarrassed of excreting, excreting waste products anytime, anyplace,

[36:23]

with or without a diaper. She's not embarrassed about it. So then, we train the little kids to go into the special area to do it. And little by little, they get afraid. At first they're attended and supported and applauded for going in there. Nice work, beautiful, that's a good one. And then little by little it becomes a troubled area. At first there was no privacy issue. How about eating? The other side of the process. Are you eating anything that you would kind of like some privacy? Anything you're eating you want some privacy about? Well, how can you be generous with yourself when you're eating? Can you let yourself be the person you are when you're eating? How about when you're napping?

[37:25]

Can you let yourself nap when you're napping? Let's take a little jump over to one of these other compassion practices called diligence. Okay? Another way to make yourself ready to relax is to practice diligence. Is to practice effort. And part of effort, part of diligence is taking naps. Rest is part of diligence. If you really want to be diligent, you need to be diligent about resting. Resting is part of heroic effort. You can make some effort and not let yourself rest. In other words, be stingy with yourself about resting. You can still make some effort, but you may not be able to relax

[38:27]

if you don't let yourself rest. And again, can you be generous with yourself and say, I now give you a rest. I let you rest and I let other people rest. Are you really, are you willing to let other people rest? Are you willing to let yourself rest? So that when you are resting, you're not afraid to receive guests. When you're resting, you're not holding on to your privacy. Sometimes you go into a room and nobody's there. You seem to have privacy and you rest. That's fine. Are you afraid someone will come in there and catch you resting? In order to be a Buddha, in order to enter the process of liberation, I suggest that you need to be able to

[39:29]

rest. You need to be able to be generous with yourself as you approach rest and when you are resting. The world needs actually Buddhas. And Buddhas rest. And also the reason Buddhas rest is so that they can work hard. Hard-working people rest. Not all hard-working people rest. Some people just work hard all the time. But working hard all the time is not diligence. Diligence includes rest. Rest is part of compassion. Diligence is part of compassion. And diligence and rest, effort and rest go together. They work together. But you trust that. And if you don't, check out and see if that's connected to being afraid of letting go of privacy.

[40:34]

And again, is that related to you really not accepting yourself in your ordinary activity? And again, if you're doing some ordinary activity like eating and you do not want other people to see you doing it, perhaps there's another way to do it that you would actually be okay with people seeing you do. And actually, the more you eat, the more the way you want to do it. But some people can eat like, you know, I don't know what the word is, but eat in a kind of not very dignified way. Like, what's his name? The great person, Falstaff? Shakespeare's Falstaff? I don't exactly know Falstaff very well, but I have the impression that he wasn't like a dainty eater. Did he kind of shove food in his mouth or pour drinks down his throat and spill in the process? Did he do that? I don't know. There's maybe no stage directions about that. How does Falstaff eat?

[41:36]

Anybody know? No Shakespearean scholars here? Huh? You think slovenly? Yeah. Was he embarrassed about it? No. So he was a great guy. This is about being a great person. Relaxing is to let your greatness out of the box. Doesn't mean all of you will become slovenly because it may not be your style. But what is your style? What is my style? Another side of this relaxation is practicing virtue. Practicing the precepts is also part of compassion.

[42:39]

And if you practice the precepts that also helps you be ready to relax. When you, if you are actually noticing that you want to take something, that you want to steal something, you want to take something that's not really being given. If you have a greedy impulse and you want to take something that's not being given, that's going against these precepts of virtue. And if you have that impulse, then it's hard to trust that you can relax with that impulse. And actually, I actually, you know, wouldn't say that you should relax, that you shouldn't relax with that impulse. I would say, actually, yeah, go ahead and relax with that impulse, or consider relaxing with that impulse. But consider relaxing with that impulse together with the intention,

[43:41]

the firm intention, not to act on that impulse. The kind, part of kindness, a big part of kindness is not to take what's not given. A big kindness is not to steal. Not stealing is compassion. If you're really committed to not taking what's not given, then you can relax with the impulse to take what's not given. But if you're not committed and you do not think it's really a great idea not to steal, if you're not like not stealing, oh boy, not stealing is really kind to me and others, and I really want to practice that, then when the impulse to take something that's not given arises, you can relax with it. You can be generous with it. You can say, hey, me, right over here wants to take something that's not given. I want to take something

[44:41]

that's not given. That's what's happening. That's arising in me. And I can be generous with me, just like, again, my grandson, my dear, adorable grandson wants to take things that are not given. He comes up to Green Gulch and there's a big yellow motorcycle in the kids' play area. It's a motorcycle. It's supposed to be a motorcycle, but it's got four wheels, but it's shaped like a motorcycle. And he says to me, he says, ah, well, I'm going to take that home. He doesn't live in Green Gulch. He wants to take it to his house in San Francisco. He said, that used to be mine when I was a little kid. And I brought it out here and left it here, but I want to take it home now. And he looks right at me when he said that, you know. And he kind of thinks that's true. So he kind of is lying and he kind of wants to take this motorcycle that's not being given to him. But I don't hate him for that. And I want to relax with my grandson who

[45:44]

wants to steal the motorcycle. If you really are committed to virtue, you can relax with non-virtuous impulses that arise in yourself and others. And if you can relax with the non-virtuous impulses in you, you can be playful with them. You can enter into their creativity. You can understand them and be liberated from them. But if you don't practice compassion with yourself in the form of virtue and generosity and patience and diligence, then when these things arise, it's hard to relax with them. And if you can't relax with them,

[46:44]

basically, well, do your best, but you're not going to be able to, you're not going to be free of them until you can relax with them. We can't be free of things that we're not relaxed with. If we're tense with something, it's not that the thing's got you, it seems like the thing's got you, but it's really your attention that's got you. If you grab it, it seems to grab you. If you grab it, it drives you. But if you don't grab it, nothing, you can be free. But it's hard not to grab stuff unless you're very compassionate so that you can relax. Being patient, being diligent, and being concentrated, being present and calm with whatever comes,

[47:44]

being present and calm with whatever comes, also is a form of compassion which facilitates relaxing with whatever comes. Being patient with whatever comes, whatever uncomfortable things that arise, grandsons that don't like you, grandsons that boss you around, it's uncomfortable. It can be uncomfortable what they do to you, grandsons who gouge your flesh, who pinch your nipples, who put both of their legs in the sleeves of your shirt. These are actual things that happened yesterday to me. You can put your arm up my sleeve, but not both your legs. It stretches my shirt. Would you like me to put both my legs up your sleeve? Being patient

[48:51]

with the pain of your grandchildren, of your children, of your spouses, of your lovers, of your teachers, of your students, of your parents, of sickness and health. Being patient with it is part of compassion. If you can be patient, this also prepares you to relax with whatever comes. To meet it and relax. Practicing virtue, practicing giving, practicing patience, practicing diligence, practicing concentration. All these practices are ways to be ready for the big relaxation in entering the process of playfulness, creativity, understanding, and liberation. It's spring.

[49:54]

Let's clean house. Let's compassionately clean the house so that we can practice compassion in the house. The house we carry, it's always with us wherever we go, so that we can welcome beings fearlessly and relax with them and play with them and so on. My watch says eleven, eleven, and eleven seconds. May our intention equally penetrate every beat of faith. May the truth never

[50:59]

walk out of the way. These are numbers. I vow to say them to converse about. Yes? Yes. Something, for you, it's antithetical to give up privacy and relaxation? Yes. Whereas I'm suggesting to you, if you're holding on to your privacy, you're not relaxed. Do you feel like when you're holding on to your privacy,

[51:59]

you are relaxed? Well, I think it's that I would suggest to you that when you consider giving up privacy, you notice, you notice that you're holding it and then you're more aware of your fear of letting go of it. So, I remember one time I was, when I was in college, I was, I did computer programming in college and they used to have like operators of the computers, people who operated them, and you'd submit your program and the people would, the operators would put it in and turn the computer on, make it go. One time I couldn't find the operator so I went back behind the glass window to look for the operator and there's this guy back there running the computer and I went up to him

[53:00]

and, you know, said excuse me and he was, you know, he wasn't expecting anybody to come back into his work area and he was like terrified to see a human, you know. So, he went back into his private little area and he probably didn't think, you know, I'm scared that somebody's going to come to visit me but, in fact, when somebody does come in, you realize that you're actually like hiding out there. So, that's why I think it's a nice, this privacy thing is good because you can kind of like locate your holding by bringing up the issue. So, and then if you locate the holding, you can start to consider, you know, well, what would be the conditions under which I would be okay with having a visitor? And then as you think about that you realize, well, actually, yeah, there are some

[54:01]

conditions under which I would be, it would be alright to have someone come into this space now without, you know, to enter my space, to enter my world that I'm alone in now. But, one of the advantages, in some ways, of our affluent culture is a lot of people have so much space, you know, we have so many like private housing units that a lot of people have private space and therefore the issue of privacy is a good way to get at how they're holding on to their self in terms of their space. In other cultures like in Japan or India or India or places like that, if you raise this issue of privacy

[55:02]

they, it doesn't necessarily strike home to their attachment, they're also holding on to their self but for their, in their case, it's maybe in some ways harder to get at. So for Americans this privacy thing, or not just Americans but sort of modern industrial countries where situations have been set up so people can have independent housing areas or their own room. It didn't used to be like that. People didn't used to have their own, you know, like you imagine a lot of cultures people did not have their own private space so much. But again, inside they're that, inside everybody's got that thing of holding this secret place that you wouldn't let anybody come in and find and that's just part of our nature but it doesn't mean that we can't get in touch with that and relax with that

[56:02]

and open that and let something start interacting with it and become free of it. But it's very deep, it's deeper than our usual idea of privacy but there's some very deep private place inside of us that needs to be opened up. Not destroying it, not destroying that place but not hold on to it. And what would help you not hold on to it? Think about that. What would help you relax with this issue of being alone and separate? Comes down to that again, the basic thing of being separate from the other. So we have to be kind to ourself and be kind to the other in order to like start playing with the other. We have to relax with the other first. And the fact that you felt that is a good, can help you because you got

[57:03]

that feeling there and you can work with that feeling to like in a sense massage yourself into some other way of relating to that so that you can and the massage is basically compassion, giving, precepts, patience, diligence, and concentration. If those practices are alive, they can help you, they'll make you able to relax with the other coming into yourself, coming to meet yourself. Anything else you'd like to... Does that make sense by the way? How do you feel now? Anything else you'd like to converse about? Yes?

[58:03]

I love that word privacy. Yes. [...]

[59:13]

Yes. [...] Right. Well, there's so much comes to comes up when you bring that up. One of the things the first thing that came up to me was if someone's coming to me and trying to get information from me, are they willing to give me some information too? And if not, you don't have to necessarily get the information from them, but you can like work with... Well, you want information from me, but you're not willing to give information to me? That's one place that... But again, if you're not relaxed with the person coming to inquire, then you... It's hard for you to be playful in the form of I have a question for you too. So, which of us... Will you tell me something about yourself if I'll tell you something about myself? You want to know this about me? Okay, now this is what

[60:32]

I want to know about you. Can we trade? You write down the answer to that one and we'll switch? But see, there's the playfulness. If you tense up, then it's kind of like you just feel like no. You don't even notice that they're not offering you anything. And you may say, well, I'm not interested in anything about them anyway, so I don't care. But then you're probably not relaxed there. Another image that comes to mind is martial art. And you didn't raise that issue, but in a sense, in martial art, the person is kind of like making an attempt, they might be making an attempt to enter your space. But in a case like that, sometimes, you can do this dance with them so that as they enter your space, you move out of it in a dance-like thing. Or, actually,

[61:32]

in the tango, sometimes, a tango teacher just told me the other day, steal the place that she was going to go. So you send your, the leader sends the follower to a place, but before she gets there, you move into the space. In a sense, you steal where she was going and then she experiences the way you took the space where she was headed and it's very dynamic. So, but in this case, anyway, you are dancing with this person. You voluntarily entered into a situation of suggesting she go somewhere and then you go there and be where you told her to go and then she winds up someplace else and she was expecting, which is a big surprise to her and kind of exciting and interesting and plus you're also interested to see what it's like to switch like that. But you wanted to do that and if you're not relaxed it's hard to execute this theft.

[62:32]

You know? So I think some people make it difficult to trust that you can relax. So if someone has the intention to get something from you without giving you something or to take something from you that you're not really giving, if that's the way it looks then it looks like the person in a sense is planning a theft. So, but again, this is so interesting to me. If someone wants to steal something from you, sometimes it's a good thing to do is to give it to them before they can try to take it. So there's a lot of Zen stories about somebody trying to steal something from the Zen monk but before the person actually makes the move the person gives it to them. So the person doesn't have a chance

[63:36]

to try to take it and you give it and they can feel that they got it from you not after they were going to try to take it but before that you were sensitive to that. Again, this requires that you're relaxed. So again, when a thief is approaching you it's hard, it's a big challenge to relax as they're approaching. So how can we be taking care of ourselves such that as a thief approaches we're already taking care of ourselves in such a way that as they approach we're already like practicing relaxation with what's happening so we can also relax with this thief. And then do something amazing like, hey I got something for you. What? Here. Oh, thank you. But if you wait to start practicing relaxation until they arrive that may be too late. So if you're already practicing

[64:37]

compassion with yourself and others you're already doing with others that when somebody who comes who's more of a challenge you're sort of in the swing of it. You're already like being, letting people be what they are and you notice that when you're generous with them that promotes relaxation. You're already yourself practicing virtue with people so when somebody arrives you're more ready to relax. You're already being patient with difficult people. Now some difficult people are difficult the way you mentioned but some other difficult people are difficult in another way. But like my grandson even though he's difficult if I practice patience with him then his difficulty doesn't interfere with my relaxing with him. But if I'm not patient with the pain of him bossing me around then I can't relax so easily and if I don't relax then I kind of like

[65:37]

push, then I can't come back with some interesting comments to him. And then also if I'm not diligent in my meetings with people then again that's going to make it difficult for me to relax. If somebody comes some person comes some nosy person comes and you're not up to like be diligent with this person then again they've got some energy you know and they're like I want to know something blah blah blah they've got energy if you're not up to meet them then again it's going to be hard for you to relax and then also to be concentrated and calm moment by moment then again when a nosy person comes it's not you know you can incorporate that nosiness into your composure and then with all that you can respond you can be relaxed and respond in a playful way and maybe just again come up with what I just said you seem to want

[66:38]

something from me now I want to know if you're willing to give me something and if they are somehow it's not just nosiness it's nosiness meeting nosiness which is now like you know more of a dance again and but if and if they don't want to do that it's not such a big shock to you because you're already practicing patience you're already you know you're not trying to make them different from what they are you're just making an offering which you can make because you're doing these other practices and since you're relaxed you can make a playful offering back and even though they may be in this habit of nosiness they may be sometimes they can come out of it and say wow what an interesting idea that I would tell you something too and then it wouldn't really be nosiness it would be like intimacy with difficult people being intimate right? but then

[67:41]

this is easy to talk but you see it takes a lot to to meet certain people you have to you have to have a lot of compassion in order to dare when you're really compassionate with people you can dare to relax with them and then wonderful amazing things can happen anything else to converse about? yes I just wanted to talk to you about trusting the external environment no no not trusting the external environment vis-a-vis the external environment do you trust that you can relax? I don't trust the environment I trust that the that in that environment it would be good to relax so again the person may be a nosy person or a person that's trying to get something from me which actually I don't wish to give yet excuse me forget about whether

[68:42]

I'm ready to give it they want to take it before I give it they don't know I'm going to give it and they would be willing to take something from me that they don't know I'm willing to give they want to get something from me aside from whether even if I don't want to give it to them they still would like to take it perhaps such a person approaches I don't trust that that person isn't a thief that person actually if you ask them they might say yeah I have a thieving intention here I want to take this thing from him and I don't really care whether they want to give it or not or they might say I assume he doesn't want to give it I assume he doesn't and I'm going to take it anyway so I don't trust that the person is not intending to steal this from me what I trust if I practice compassion I trust that being relaxed with him will be most beneficial to one and all listen I'm not saying I can learn to trust that but I don't trust the person and I don't trust myself I trust that relaxing with the person

[69:43]

and relaxing with myself will allow initiation of the process of liberation that's what I trust but again I'll have trouble trusting that if I'm not already practicing compassion you mentioned that invitations help put the whole model together are these three practices around

[70:43]

imitation? are these three practices around imitation? yes and all and compassion is about imitation too so imitation is operating there but also the other dependence nature of things is operating there and also the thoroughly established nature of things are operating those three are there in every one of those stages and the stage of relaxing with your imputations about things usually whenever we have an experience there is an imputational an imaginary element in our experience so if a person is coming to you there is an imaginary element there and there is that imaginary element based on the other dependent nature of this person in your relationship with them and then there is a thoroughly established character a true character of this experience

[71:44]

is that your imputation doesn't actually reach the way that things actually happen but those are all working in every one of these levels at the level of relaxation is a level at which you start to enter into the process of loosening potentially loosening the strong adherence of what you imagine a person to be or what you imagine yourself to be you start to loosen the strong adherence of that being what the person is relaxing starts the process really the process starts earlier it's just that it's hard to see that it's getting any foothold because you still do strongly adhere to what you think of the person as being the person but you're actually setting the ground ready to start relaxing with your strong adherence to your ideas about things as being the things once you relax

[72:45]

then you can start playing you know like well this is my enemy but I can play with that a little bit like you're my enemy so here here take my weapons you still kind of like think they're your enemy but you do this funny thing called giving them your weapons but since you're relaxed you're not so afraid to give them your weapons because as they reach for them you just pull them away say ha! just kidding or whatever you know you can start playing with them even while you still believe that they are your enemy or they are a thief or they are your spouse or they are your grandson you're still kind of into that and you're starting to relax with it and start playing with it and as you start to play with it you start to see how this thing of them being a thief enemy grandson you start to see how that happens you know you get tuned into the creativity of it it's still happening the illusion of the person being some way and confusing that

[73:46]

with the way they are is still happening but you start to see how and as you start to see how you start to see how it's an illusion too and then you start to see well actually what I think of people doesn't actually make it to the people wow! and you start to see that separation or that absence and then you start to see the way it really is so then you understand and then when you understand you're free of the stickiness of the process so the thing at every stage of this process the three natures of phenomena are still there it's just as you proceed through the process you understand the natures more and more until gradually you're liberated from those three natures without changing them at all because they always were that way from the beginning it always was the case that our ideas of things never actually reach them they just overlay them but just like now if you look at my left hand covering my right hand looks like my left hand

[74:47]

is overlaying my right hand but even now they're actually in my right hand is the absence of the left hand but in fact there is this left hand there with the right hand and usually we take the right hand for the left hand but when I see that the left hand is not in the right hand then I stop believing that the left hand is in the right hand and then even though it's still going on I'm free of it in this process of trust, relaxation, playfulness, creativity understanding and liberation is about this ongoing nature of things of having these three characters so the invitation is going on all the way through it's just that before you start trusting then the adherence is so strong there's almost no workability however even within that strong adherence and very little workability you still can start practicing compassion and you can practice

[75:47]

compassion at your imputational level you can still practice compassion the way you think it is and so you can still check out am I generous with this phenomenon am I patient with it am I practicing virtue with it am I concentrated with it you're still taking these things as being your idea of them but they start to loosen up and make you feel like well I guess I could relax a little bit here it would probably be alright it's still your imputation of relaxation but you dare to say okay folks come on in you dare you still think they're not you so you don't understand yet but you still want to let the person who you don't think is you into your life but you have to take good care of yourself before you're going to let anybody in and say okay come on you can come close you can touch me okay and then practice compassion with that and relax with that and the more you relax with it

[76:48]

it's pretty soon you start to notice there's a play and then things are really starting to cook even though you're still somewhat deluded you start to feel some movement some air coming into the chamber but those three characters are throughout dynamically interacting with each other at every phase of our life so the Buddha's working with them and the you know person hasn't even started practicing is still working with them it's just that the Buddha understands them fully intermediate person understands them somewhat and the person hasn't started yet they don't get it at all but they're still working with them all they see is the imputational all they see is their fantasies about what's going on and they think completely that what they think is going on is what's going on so this is this person is really like not completely deluded however even within that they can hear sometimes the instructions and start practicing

[77:49]

compassion within this tight world and the virtue of the compassion will start manifesting not trusting people and things because what they are is our idea of them for us but they not trust that because that would mean you're trusting your idea of things don't trust that but you might be able to trust I could relax with my idea of what's going on and then you can start to open the teaching yeah, good and guess what your idea of what's going on is actually overlaid on what's going on oh, ok but you have to be kind to yourself to let that in and other people sort of have to be kind to you a little bit usually to get you started so some people you know who are not willing to start this process if you're kind to them they would dare to start being kind to themselves and then they would start to be able to relax now they can't relax now they don't want to play

[78:50]

but if you're kind to them that kindness can show them that maybe it would be ok if they relaxed anything else you want to bring up? yes, Leslie it goes around a lot of people pardon? it goes around a lot of sisters sisters? yes yes and usually students have to be kind and this comes from a lot of not having enough privacy so I have to tell them to be kind to themselves yes and if they decide to not be kind to themselves I just wonder if there's something that you have to say that says I just wonder if I have to wrap up this presentation because I'm not comfortable being comfortable with being private and I have to be kind to myself sure sure

[79:51]

definitely so so tell me about how you're not comfortable being private by yourself? it sounds like you're not comfortable with other people holding on to their privacy that's what you mean right? if they're being private and they won't let go that's uncomfortable for you right? yeah yes right but but you but but you not holding on to your privacy that's not a problem for you when you're alone and nobody else is around and you're not holding on to that that's ok with you right? yeah you're alone but if somebody else showed up it'd be alright with you yeah see that's ok with you right? yeah I think that's fine you know I'm private I don't want to talk about that but but I

[80:52]

don't want to talk about that so I started thinking oh maybe it's something about ah that's interesting yeah yeah well this the thing you brought up there of being somewhat uncomfortable being alone that's a little treasure story right there ok let's just put that over the shelf for later ok I as I said earlier if you are actually willing to let go of your privacy and you meet somebody who's not willing to let go of his or hers that would be a challenge to you probably but again if you practice compassion with yourself then you can be more patient with them and also it would be practicing virtue is to not try to get them to give up their privacy that they didn't give up you know but that would be a challenge if you were ready if you're ready

[81:53]

to dance and the other person isn't it's a little bit of a challenge to sort of like be patient with that be calm with that be diligent with that relax with that that would be difficult that would be an area for you to grow into exactly right just like again it's the nice thing about using my grandson for an example is that a lot of people can see that in that case they can be patient so you go into a little kid's room and you know their room is like their universe to some extent and they really do they have their own sense of what makes sense there and if you mess with that it's a big deal like I wanted to bring a radio into his room yesterday and I was looking for a plug okay and the most accessible plug had a nightlight in it and I said can I take can I plug in there and he said can I pull the nightlight out of that plug

[82:54]

no way granddaddy you're not going to pull that nightlight out of there even though it's the middle of the day I said I'll put it back in a little while just let me listen to the radio for a minute you know he was not going to be playful about this nightlight in the meantime he has these what do you call it he doesn't have like you know soldiers you know action figures who attack people he has rescue heroes his guys don't have like huge weapons they have huge equipment for saving people like they're putting on fires and pulling people out of drowning and stuff like that they're rescue heroes one of the rescue heroes says he was putting on a fire and this woman one of his partners was saying how did you get to be so courageous and he said I made a vow once not to leave anyone behind this is like

[84:00]

my grandson is watching that right and I said to him have you made a vow and he went weird granddaddy anyway he said there's got action this rescue hero he's got these rescue heroes and these rescue heroes are all over the place there's no order to them they're just covering the bed it's a big mess from a certain perspective but they're right where he wants them and he tried to move that nightlight he's not relaxed about it so then how do I relax with him not wanting me to move the nightlight look can I be playful and relaxed about that and maybe put the radio someplace else or perhaps call mommy for help and mommy says actually the fixture that the nightlight stuck into allows another plug to go in so I put the other plug in with them so I worked it out but

[85:01]

it is there's difficulties like this sometimes people do not want to play and you want to play or you want to play in the situation or you want to play with them and they're not up for it and you love them but it's difficult to find any workability in the situation but the more you relax the more compassionate I am with the situation like being patient with him really being generous with him appreciating him the way he is and appreciating me being the way I am and the more I practice not taking something he's not giving me he's not going to let me use that plug and not try to take it and the more I'm concentrated and diligent somehow I relax and when I start to relax I may not even want what I was trying to get in the

[86:02]

situation but then sometimes there's some new way to play with the earlier blockage point yes what's your name Laurie yes Laurie yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes [...] How do you give up shame? Well, again, I don't know if it's innate or not, but let's just

[87:12]

work with it, shall we? So you've got shame, the first thing I'm suggesting is practice compassion with it. How do you practice compassion with shame? Be generous with it. If you're ashamed, be generous with it. If you see an animal that's ashamed, be generous with it. If you see a child that's ashamed, be generous. What does being generous mean? Let him be ashamed. Don't try to talk yourself out of it. Don't try to talk him out of it. Let him be ashamed. Make that a gift. Give that to him. I give you your shame. I give me my shame. And this giving practice is compassion, it's letting things be, it's giving them themselves, and it's also, when it's done properly, it should be joyful to the giver, at least. And then later it may be joyful to the receiver, when they get a picture. Learn how to be joyful at letting things be what they are, and making letting them be what they are a gift. Learn

[88:16]

how to let the flowers on the hillside be the flowers on the hillside as a gift to the flowers on the hillside, and the hillside, and the valley, and the whole universe. Learn how to do that. That's the first thing. Next, practice precepts with the shame. Don't try to kill it. Don't try to intoxicate yourself into numbness about it. Don't misuse sexuality in relationship to it. Don't lie about it, and don't take something that's not given. Don't slander it. Don't praise yourself at the expense of it. Don't be angry at it. Don't hate it. Don't be possessive of it, and don't talk badly of it. Practice these things with the shame. Also be patient with the shame, because it might be painful, and have painful consequences. Practice patience with it. Be diligent with it. Make effort with it. And

[89:21]

making effort with it means make effort at those previous practices, and also make effort with being concentrated with it, being calm with it. Do all these practices, and then you'll start to be able to relax with it. The shame's still there, but you can relax with it. Once you start being able to relax with it, you can start playing with the shame. Play with shame. Ever heard of that? It's a new game called play with shame. Once you start being able to play with shame, you can be creative with shame. Shame, like all things, is a creation. It is a creation. The thing is, are you exiled from the creativity and the creation of pain? Most people are. Most people are exiled from the creativity of anything. So this is how to get into the creative process where shame arises. When you get into that, you understand what shame is. When you understand what shame is, you will be free of it. And

[90:27]

we can say, I can tell you what shame is, but still, to understand it, you have to get into the creation of it. To understand the creation of it, you have to be playful with it. Otherwise, you're hearing about it. Like one definition of shame is to feel separate from God. Kind of shameful. How dare you feel separate from your Creator? Another definition of shame would be separate from Buddha. That you feel like, how shameful that I'm separate from Buddha. How shameful not to be a Buddha. How shameful not to have realized my true relationship with enlightenment. You can be ashamed of that. Well, if you can understand that, you can become free of it. So it's just another thing to become free of. Shame, guilt, pain, suffering, pleasure, happiness, sadness, arrogance, fear, love, grandsons, uncles, friends, your body, your life, all these things, whatever they are, if we can trust that it's okay to

[91:34]

relax with them, we enter the process of being liberated with them, or from them, whatever it is. Same practice would apply. But in order to get the thing rolling, you have to start being really kind to yourself and the thing. The self and the person, or the thing, or the phenomenon in yourself, or the phenomenon in the person, you have to be really kind in order to trust that we can relax. And generally speaking, really kind people are more able to relax with what's happening, and then this wonderful process can start. But the way, the particular style of compassion will vary from case to case. What it is that you're going to be compassionate with is constantly changing. Geez, we still have lots of time left. Anything else you want to talk about? Way in the back?

[92:36]

What's your name? Maureen? Maria. Maria. Yes? Oh, Maria. I see you, Maria. You've got red hair now, huh? You have orange hair. Okay. Maria Christoph. Yes? Yeah, great. Yes?

[93:52]

Yes? Yes? Especially mine.

[94:16]

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