Yesterday after the Dharma talk, I asked one of the bystanders of the Sashin, someone who's not sitting full time, and I think I said something like, Yeah. And I think I said something like, nobody understands what it is. And still it's kind of sad that we don't understand it. But I feel worse when somebody says that they do understand it.

[01:01]

Not worse, exactly. I actually feel kind of good, because then I have somebody to ask some questions of. What is it? Please show us. This is the third day of the Sashin and I understand for some people, quite frequently, the first day of Seshina is not too difficult. It's kind of like a one-day sitting. But the second day is not exactly like a one-day sitting. People start having a hard time on the second day. So yesterday was the second day, and sure enough, I noticed that I heard directly that some people were having a hard time suffering a lot yesterday.

[02:07]

And today probably the same thing is going to happen again for some of us. So here I am talking about unsupported thoughts and stepping off the top of 100-foot poles. But also maybe I should just be talking about patience. Because I know it's hard for us to actually be in our bodies right now without flinching. To actually live in the present pain of our life is very much before us. Sometimes I tell stories about my own experiences in Sashin and tell them over, and I think, well, I've already told this story over.

[03:35]

It's getting to be an old story. But then I think, well, I tell a lot of other old stories, so maybe this one's okay to tell over. So some of you have heard this before. I'm sorry if it's painful for you to hear it again. But some of you haven't heard it, so maybe It might be encouraging to you. So there I was about, it was about 23 years ago, I think, 24 years ago. I think it was my, maybe my either first or second session. And I went, I was, I was like some of you sitting and there was this noise inside of me, this screaming inside of me I had a lot of pain and so I went to Dokusan with Suzuki Roshi and I sat down and I think on that occasion he said something to me like, would you write your name on this piece of paper or something like that to get to know our names.

[05:01]

I think also on that occasion he gave me a little compliment, which I wasn't sure if it was a compliment though. He said, your breathing seems quite natural. I didn't know if that was a compliment or a problem. But anyway, he said that. And then, I don't know, we talked a little while longer and he said, oh, excuse me, I'll be right back. And he got up. and went out of the room. Now the room I was meeting him in was a room on the ground floor of Sogoji Temple, and the zendo was upstairs above the room where we were meeting. So he went out the door and I heard him go up the stairs, little feet going up the stairs, and then I heard him walking down the hall above my head and going to the zendo, or going to his office. And then I heard the sounds of noon service.

[06:08]

And then I heard noon service end. And then I heard the sounds of lunch. And somewhere along there, I don't remember where, I noticed that I had forgotten to suffer. I forgot that I was in pain. And I just sat there. I didn't know where it went. It was gone. It was still kind of there. I mean, you know, I still had the pain in my knees and stuff. It was still going, wak, wak, wak. But I wasn't screaming back at it. It was real cool. even though I sort of had the same body, I wasn't resisting anymore, and actually it was basically gone. And I just sat there and thought, what an interesting trick he pulled. That was really neat. How did he do it? And I thought, he's just going to leave me sit here for a long time just to show me that I can sit here much longer than any period I'd sat so far during Sashin.

[07:31]

and not have any pain. So in fact, I sat there through what the original Doksan period was, plus service and plus the meal. And then after the meal was over, I heard him come back down the stairs. And when he opened the door, I thought he was going to sit down and say, well, how about that? But when he opened the door, he went, oh. It seemed like he'd sincerely forgotten that I was there. And then I wasn't sure if that was what happened. But anyway, he sat down and we had a little, I don't know what we talked about, we had a further chat, but inside I was thinking, this is really interesting. And I still wasn't having any pain. And I was sitting the whole time without moving, a long time.

[08:35]

I don't know how long it was, but anyway, it seemed like a long time. Before it, you know, I would have never sat that long during that session, without tremendous pain, I thought. So anyway, that ended, and I left, had my little break after lunch, went back to sit in the afternoon, and as soon as I sat down, immediately the pain, total screaming again. I don't know what's going on here and why we feel pain. We have various theories. The basic theory is that because we have some attachment, even a little bit, if you sit still in one posture for a while, the attachment starts to build up and finally you're so tense, not so tense, but anyway, however it works anyway, because of this attachment, because of this long-standing karmic habit.

[09:37]

The not moving, not running away surfaces the consequence of attachment and it can get quite painful. So our job is to figure out how to get to the center of that, the center of that pain where no attachment can reach. where it is actually cool and calm. You're not getting rid of your old body, but actually using the pain to find the one cool spot in the middle of all that burning to find the center of these fierce flames where the Buddhas are sitting there waiting for you to get the joke which they forgot they were telling. How did I find that place that day?

[10:47]

I have no idea. I wasn't looking for it. I just tripped into it and found a cool place in what was previously a hot burning place. How did it happen? I don't know. How did I forget it and return to my usual way? I don't know. There's a heroic aspect of the practice of patience, and that is to get to the absolute dead center of your experience where nothing can reach you, where past, present, and future don't reach and are also not at all excluded. How else are we going to find that spot? Other than not running away. Including run away. If that works, find it that way too. I don't care. The other night I was talking to a friend and she said,

[11:52]

When we have funeral ceremonies at Zen Center, everybody comes up and thanks the dead person. But the dead person would probably like to thank the people who are still alive, but can't do it anymore. So she said, if I die before you, would you thank some people for me? And I said, I'd love to. How nice to be a messenger for you and tell your friends thank you. Of course, you don't have to wait until you die to thank your friends. But still, after you're dead, I think it would be nice for some friend to thank your friends on your behalf. And I said, well, would you do the same for me?

[12:57]

And she said, yeah. And she said, would you give me a list? And I said, okay. So I started making up a list. And it was very interesting and moving to make up a list of the people I wanted to thank. the people who I wanted to be thanked after I'm dead. After a while, she said, wait a minute, your list is getting really long. I want to make a list too. I said, okay, I'll stop. And then she started to make her list. I can tell you that some of you are on her list. and you're on my list too, so please keep me, you know, keep me informed of your mailing address because we're going to be moving around the planet and I won't know where you are.

[14:04]

I have to keep a list of the people to thank after I'm dead. To think of thanking, to think of you being thanked after I'm dead is Really great. And I know you'll be happy to be thanked after I'm dead. I know. When I was married, I didn't cry during the ceremony. My wife cried a lot. But in the reception line, Suzuki Roshi's wife came up to me. And she said, congratulations. And then she said, oh, and one more congratulations from Suzuki Roshi. Then I, then I cried.

[15:13]

to be touched by a dear friend after they're gone. This is an unsupported thought that goes completely beyond past, present and future, which is moved by people that are no longer here, deeply touched an unsupported thought. Present mind cannot be got, future mind cannot be got, past mind cannot be got. This is the mind of compassion, completely free to say thank you from the middle of

[16:26]

fierce flames, conferring blessing in the middle of pain, smiling gently no matter what. this unsupported body and mind can be born and realized anytime. It can be realized this week. You've got all you need. You've got enough suffering for it to be born. And I hope, I really hope that you can also sit still and quietly say thank you to yourself.

[17:43]

If you can't, okay. Make a list of the other people that you want to be thanked after you die. Make your list. if you like. So I promised somebody to talk about the precepts. I want to fulfill that promise by discussing a little bit more the precepts. In the meal chant now, we're saying, the first portion is for, the first portion is to

[19:03]

avoid all evil. The second portion is to do all good. The third is to save all beings. It used to say the first portion is for the precepts, the second is for the practice of samadhi, the third is to save all beings. And I think that that older translation does reflect a certain sentiment that we have, and that is we think of precepts in terms of the first of the three precepts. These are the three pure precepts, and we tend to think of precepts as the precepts of restraint. But also the second precept of what used to be called practicing samadhi.

[20:07]

Practicing samadhi is a prototype of a good thing to do. But under that second precept is practicing also giving and patience and enthusiasm and samadhi concentration and wisdom. All those practices in their infinite variety can be placed under the second heading. And the third heading, all those things that help people and help yourself not cling to be released. So all these are precepts, not just the first category. But again, under the first category, yesterday, the first one that is listed in our version of the precepts is the precept of not killing life.

[21:25]

And again, Dogen says, life is not to kill. Let the Buddha seed grow and succeed to the life of wisdom, of the Buddha taking no life. Life is not killed. And this person who mentioned that she didn't understand what an unsupported thought is also told me of a story of one of her first teachers who said, water cannot be polluted. Water is always just water. If you pour pollutants in water, okay, but still the water is not polluted. Life is not killed. Life changes.

[22:41]

There is life and there is death. Life does not change into death. Life does not deteriorate into a low quality situation called death. There is life and there is death. They each have their own ground, complete unto themselves. Firewood does not change into ash. life is not killed. So Dogen's grandson says, Dogen's grandson Kyogo says, living and dying are not before and after.

[23:49]

Just not taking life is manifesting the whole works. The whole works means everything, totality, but it also means that totality works through this not taking life. The complete total dynamic working of life is manifested through not killing. Just not killing. Not the not killing, which is the opposite of killing. The not killing, which is an unsupported thought. When we understand that life is the manifestation of the whole works, the words to kill and not to kill are not any longer as they are used in the world.

[25:08]

when we understand that life is the manifestation of the whole works, the words to kill and not to kill are no longer used as they are in the world. When the three worlds are mind only, all things have true marks. And to kill and not to kill are beyond their literal meanings. This is what's meant by just one vehicle or one brilliant indestructible precept. And this is what's meant by just sittings. Killing and not killing are not the same.

[26:23]

But this precept of Buddha about not killing is beyond such discussion. The light of this precept is beyond discussing killing and not killing. And as Master Yun Min said, everybody has this light. But if you look at it, if you try to see it, you can't see it, and it becomes dark and dim. What is everybody's light?

[27:32]

For Zen monks, it's a black cushion and pain in the hips and knees and back and neck and shoulder. For Zen monks, It's torment of self-doubt. It's anger. It's hating. It's jealousy. That's the light for Zen monks. The three refuges of Buddha, Dharma and Sangha, these three pure precepts, the precept of not to kill life, are not separate from delusion.

[28:55]

Emancipation is attained in the midst of these delusions. One may say that before the delusion has departed, the true aspects have appeared. Before this pain departs, blissful ease has already arrived. This is the meaning of before the donkey goes, the horse arrives. The whole ocean of karmic hindrance may give the impression that we should throw them away since they are of the world.

[30:01]

And we may think that sitting upright, contemplating the true marks of existence, may seem to imply that we should grasp, that they should be grasped, that these true marks should be grasped, since it says true marks. But we should not see a dualistic intention in these words. This should be understood as the confused point of view of sentient beings. Wrongdoing cannot be actualized. It is not reality for you or for others. It is not to be grasped or thrown away. The entire ocean of karmic hindrances arises from delusion.

[31:05]

Those who want to repent should sit upright and contemplate the true marks of things. and all wrongdoing will disappear like frost and dew in the sunlight of wisdom. To sit upright and contemplate the true marks means to sit upright and contemplate delusion. But in order to do that, you have to thank and you have to be kind to yourself so that you can sit there and have your delusions there to accept and to contemplate, which is what you're doing right now.

[32:08]

But it's not easy to face our delusions. Again, when you hear about sitting and contemplating the true marks of existence, you might think that you should get rid of delusion and look at the truth. That's not what it means. The truth arrives before the false leaves. Delusion is born in the same place where liberation is born. They have the same abode. They are non-dual. Who can trust this? Birds, we say, live in the air.

[35:41]

And fish live in the water. No matter how far the birds fly, they never run out of air. And no matter how far the fish swim, they never run out of If a fish or a bird should try to leave their media, if a bird should try to leave the air or a fish should try to leave the water, they will die at once. know that for a bird the air is life, and life is the air, and for a fish water is life.

[36:53]

For human beings we walk in confusion. And no matter how far we walk, we never run out of confusion. If we try to leave confusion, we will die at once. For us, life is confusion, and confusion is life. But there is liberation for birds, fishes, and humans. But it doesn't come by trying to get out of your environment. It comes from here, from this place and this time.

[38:02]

It comes from the center. from the unsupported center of the world of delusion. There are many versions of the precepts for the bodhisattvas, but in all versions the precept for not killing is found. In each case, not to kill is not with reference to beginning or end. but just not to kill.

[39:21]

Not to kill is mind only. Not to kill is the three worlds. Not to kill is sentient beings. Not to kill is not to kill. Not to kill is one precept. not to kill his ten precepts. This understanding is the meaning of maintaining the Buddha's precepts. Besides this, do not expect any other result. Besides this, do not expect any other result.

[40:32]

If you have the slightest expectation for any other result then Buddha's one thing and you are a far, far ways away. But if you do not expect, or I should say, you who do not expect any other result are not the slightest distance from the Buddha. What's it like when the balance beam between killing and not killing is cut? How is that?

[41:40]

The precept light of the Buddha issues from the mouth according to conditions and is not without causes. This light is not blue, yellow, red, white or black. It is not form. It is not mind. It neither exists nor does not exist. It is not the things of cause and effect, and it is not without cause and effect. So it is explained by Dogen's disciples. I can't, I'm not sure that you can absorb any more about this precept today.

[43:16]

There's some difficult further commentary which I'm going to skip right now for another day, just because if I were you, I don't know if I could absorb it. But I would skip ahead to say this from the commentary. This being so, we receive Buddha's precepts and when we do so, there is no skin, flesh, bones or marrow of transmigration in birth and death. And it is said that we are the same rank as a greatly enlightened one. When we receive Buddha's precepts we are the same rank as a greatly enlightened one.

[44:22]

And there is no skin, flesh, bones and marrow of transmigration and birth and death. Living in confusion, living in delusion, living in birth and death with no transmigration because we do not expect any other result. The same rank as a greatly enlightened one means the same rank as a sentient being. The same rank as a greatly enlightened one means to be the same rank as you today. When we understand this kind of attaining the way together with all sentient beings on earth, what is there to be killed?

[45:47]

Well, Zen comrades, what do you think of that stuff? Any questions or comments? I couldn't hear what you said. Could you say it louder, please? I can't hear you. I think you can use the words delusion, confusion, and ignorance as the same. that basically, for the purposes of your question, they're the same.

[47:16]

So you can say, if you wish, that ignorance is the source of enlightenment. Did you say enlightenment? Liberation. Ignorance is the source of... Liberation has no meaning except in confusion. Liberation has no meaning except in delusion. Liberation has no meaning except in relationship to ignorance. Without ignorance, confusion, and delusion, there's no need to talk about liberation. Liberation occurs in the midst of delusion. If there's no delusion, we don't have to talk about liberation. But there was never any liberation from delusion except for those who accepted delusion as delusion.

[48:21]

And we can help each other accept delusion as delusion. We are helping each other accept delusion as a delusion. I think so, but do you agree or disagree? Should we have a vote? Let's have a song. What? Let's have a song. Have a song? OK. What song do you want? You know, some time ago you did that one that Louis Armstrong did.

[49:26]

It's a beautiful thing. Yeah, I forgot the lyrics. I'll do that some other time. How about Step Right Up, Walk Right In? Want that one? Or You Gotta Have Heart? Do you know those songs? Which one do you want to do? Step Right Up or Gotta Have Heart? Huh? Step right up. Walk right in. Daddy, let your mind roll on. Walk right in. Oh, walk right in, sir. Everybody's talking about a new way of walking. Do you want to lose your mind? Walk right in. Sit right down. Daddy, let your mind roll along. I want to be happy, but I can't be happy.

[50:31]

I want to be happy, but I can't be happy? Till I make you happy too. I want to be happy, but I can't be happy. Till I make you happy too. Did you people know? Did you people know that the word for suchness in Sanskrit is ta-ta-ta? Shows the blood.

[51:35]

But in Pali, it's ta-ta-ta-ta. It is. So we got a da-da-da-da together. Right? Okay. Let's do it. Let's do it, okay? And by the way, if there's any bystanders who don't agree, you're welcome to. That's the Buddha way. Thank you.

[52:17]

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