companion in expounding the great teaching. There's a song about a fox. Do you know it? Burl Ives? Nope? I don't know the song about Burl Ives, but I did hear from somebody that Burl Ives had not very nice underwear. That's as close as it got to Burl Ives. Did some of you know the song about the fox by Burl Ives? Is that Fox 1 Hour? Yeah. Do you want to sing it with her? Yeah. Oh, the fox went out on a chilly night, prayed to the moon for a given light, prayed many miles to go that night before he reached the town, oh, town, oh, town, oh, many miles to go that night before he reached the town.

[01:20]

He ran till he came to a great big pen where they got ducks and the geese were kept there. And a couple of you are going to grease my chin before I leave this town, oh, town, oh, town, oh. A couple of you are going to grease my chin before I leave this town, oh. He grabbed the gray goose by the neck. He threw the duck side across his back. He didn't mind that quack, quack, quack of the legs all dangling down, oh, down, oh, down, oh. He didn't mind that quack, quack, quack of the legs all dangling down, oh. Then old mother flipper flopper jumped out of bed. Out of the window she coughed her head quite. John, John, the gray goose is gone and the fox is on the town-o, town-o, town-o. John, John, the gray goose is gone and the fox is on the town-o. Then the fox... He went to the top of the hill. No, John, he went to the top of the hill. Blew his horn both loud and shrill.

[02:22]

Foxy said, I better flee with my kill or they'll soon be on my trail. Trail, oh, trail, oh. Foxy said, I better flee with my kill or they'll soon be on my trail. He ride till he came to his cozy den. There were the little ones, eight, nine, ten. They said, Daddy, better go back again, cause it sure was a mighty fine town, oh, town, oh, town, oh. They said, Daddy, better go back again, cause it sure was a mighty fine town. Last verse. Then the fox and his wife, without any strike, cut up the goose with a fork and a knife. They never had such a supper in their life, and the little ones chewed on the bones. Oh, no, no, no. They never had such a supper in their life, and the little ones chewed on the bones. Oh, no. I stormed out a minute ago and I wanted to apologize and also I just want to say in general that

[03:31]

I'm holding a lot of anger lately, and it's really scary. I don't really quite know what to do with it sometimes. And I don't direct it. Well, I shouldn't direct it at all, but I don't... I'm not really skillful. And... I grew up with a Vietnam vet, and he was really angry. I'm just really afraid when it happens. You're afraid when anger happens? Yeah, I don't want to hurt anyone. I'm very afraid of hurting someone. So anyway, I'm really sorry. I said something weird and got up and laughed.

[04:51]

I just see myself becoming like my dad, and it's really scary. That's what's going on with me. Before you got angry, were you in pain? Were you crying before you got angry? I was. So when was it? There was something about your interaction with Dewey. It was painful? I heard you say something that isn't really we should discuss, I think, telling Dr. Saunders. I think you should say a no. Really? I think so. You said that you don't send people home at certain times in their practice. I said I don't send people home? Yeah, I don't send people home. But if they want to go home to visit their parents?

[05:54]

Yes. I sometimes say, be careful. You might not be ready to go back home. And I think it's easy to go back home. But I warn them that parents are more difficult than people at Green Gulch sometimes or Zen Center. People think, oh, now I'm practicing, so I'll go home and be with my parents. But people don't expect that your parents would be some of the most difficult people to practice with because of all the past history and attachment. That's what I meant. So I've never sent anybody home, but people often want to go home, and I sometimes caution them. You haven't, but people do get sent home. And it is suggested that people go home. Okay. That's why I got angry. I see. Did you hear what she said? She got angry around the issue of people telling somebody to go home. Right? Yes, when they're early in their practice and when it doesn't make sense.

[06:57]

So that's painful to hear me say that I wouldn't send people home until they were stronger in their practice. Right. Actually, I've experienced something quite different. So that was painful. Yes, it was. That's understandable. And then we need to, when we feel pain like that, We've got to go there and meet that pain and learn how to practice patience with it. Otherwise, we're at risk of getting angry. And then if we're angry, we're at risk of hurting somebody, as you said, which you don't want to do. So since you don't want to hurt people, you need to learn how to get close to your pain quickly. So then you can, that's what we call first aid, right? Right away, get to that pain, learn how to be with it. It doesn't take it away, but learn how to be with it in this present way called patience. Then we have a good chance, if we get more skillful, to not veer away from the pain into anger and hurting people.

[08:05]

So we have to really work on patience. And I'm glad you brought this out so people know that this is a story you have a problem with, about how to work with that kind of thing. Thank you. This is love from your heart, from your own heart to cover heaven and earth. I wanted to say, I wanted to say that you know, by practicing with all of you, you know, I thought I could never let go of the story of my mother and sister died and I wasn't good enough.

[09:11]

And, you know, there were so many things that Red said to me and other people said to me. And I think one was, you know, in a way you do a disservice to everything else, to your whole existence with them. by hanging on to that story, to go ahead, cry, and tell, you know, and to, you know, and those of you who were with me last practice period, I was right there, and just somehow getting that just a little bit, that that was a story that I kept telling over and over again. My sister, my mother, and father died, but my life with them can't be touched by my words. Sometimes maybe by my feelings, but not by my words, and certainly not getting stuck in the last month, the last minute of their lives. Why just say this? To say thank you, how patience does help.

[10:14]

That's amazing. I would have never in a million years thought so. And so all that past karma, these tears, I love that story. You know, that it's okay. Look at the clock. What time is it? It is... It's early. Yes. One more, and then we have a lot of ceremonies today. So we probably should stop pretty soon. The story you told of the monks and the one who wrote the nine zappos... This morning, Reb told the story of the monks and the one who wore through nine zappos.

[11:18]

And I feel great resonance with this monk. I feel great anxiety. I don't know if I have a question. I do have a question. Can you turn a word for me? to see how rest is put. Rest is necessary. My anxiety is... Did you see me turn okay to necessary? Didn't work. Have you stopped asking for turning words? No. Do you want to ask for a turning word? Please.

[12:20]

Ask. Will you give me a turning word? It did work. I feel a little less heavy. It is a good thing. It's a very good thing. You're actually not heavy. You're just massive. It's attraction that makes you heavy. It's an attraction between you and the earth. but you're actually very light and massive. That's... Thank you.

[13:21]

You're welcome. May I make a confession? May he make a confession? Yes. If it's up here, if you have it. I want to make this confession because I know that I didn't want anybody to know this. On this last night, after the Abbasah from Anfidokassan, we were walking back home. She just got up and fell, and I didn't catch it. It's a parable. Terrible that you didn't catch her? I feel terrible that I didn't catch her. I feel terrible that I was not paying any attention. I don't even know what I was thinking about, but I was not thinking about the address. I feel this great weight.

[14:31]

How hard it is to be pregnant. How easily it slips by it. and how important presence is with each other. When you feel the sorrow fully, and express it fully, then your intention may become clearer to be a better bodyguard. But you may have to, pardon, you may have to repent more before it's really clear to you that you'd rather be a bodyguard than anything else when you're a bodyguard.

[15:32]

And that when you're a bodyguard, you put aside everything else and you just take care of the body. I didn't say it's not how you can do it. It's the intention will become clear. It doesn't mean that somebody won't fall and you'll miss catching them. It just means when they fall and you miss, it won't be because you were distracted. you were there, on the job, not distracted, because you have felt sorrow for being distracted, until you get clear that you want to be present and do your job. So you may have to repent more on this point, I tell you, but you will become clear if you keep taking the medicine of the grief of, you know, this action which was not your present. Yeah. I don't want it to keep falling for me to get it, you know.

[16:40]

But even today I saw that, you know, it was light out, so it was starting to wander again. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you can just turn around and fit me. Wake up, wake up. It doesn't come in the front gate. I'm looking for it to come from, it comes from inside. Yeah. So when I was, when I was, I was going with Suzuki Roshi to Portland in the airplane, he taught me to count people in Japanese. And so I did that, and when I stopped counting, and then he would go to sleep when I started counting, and then when I stopped counting, he would wake up and tell me to stop counting again. So I didn't get distracted all the way to Portland after a while, just staying there counting. On the way back, he didn't ask me to count people in Japanese. On the way back, he was having his cancerous gallbladder attack. And I really was ashamed that I couldn't sit in the seat next to him and just be there with my teacher.

[17:48]

So I was about your age then, maybe. I felt bad not being able to just be there with my teacher in pain. And now I tell you this story, So you can realize it's not easy to be present with anybody, and maybe especially with people that are in pain. But we feel bad about that, especially if the person is our teacher, who we supposedly want to be with. And then we get there and we want to leave and go someplace else besides being right there in the place we want it to be, and then we want to leave. It's very challenging. So the pain of not being present, if you handle it right, it will reform you into a present bodyguard. And you can become steady in your job more and more as the years go by.

[18:56]

Can you shape the years? And also not greedy to be body-killing. No. You know, now it's 12.15 about, so should we belong or should we? What do you think? Pardon? You said one more when Ramya started. So should we receive this one? So how many more should we do? Okay. And that's it? Really? You guys are not going to wimp out on that one? We'll see. Linda, please come. They're willing to go on longer.

[19:58]

Not very long. That's what you said. Oh, yeah. I always say that. Oh, you always say that. Yeah, right. I'm glad you noticed that. It helped me. Oh, great. In a subtle way. Wow. First of all... Thank you. And you asked for feedback a few times in class. Yes. Please give me feedback if you want to. And I felt like the words were not adequate. And really, all of this is just . Thank you. And I have been observing since I met with you and have an idea that I have a lot of positive stories and I like them quite a lot.

[21:08]

And it's actually harder for me to see that the sort of blissful or delighted stories are actually stories. And whereas the negative ones kind of grab, they send out a signal to me, and they're actually kind of like juicy to work with. But the positive ones, I get, you know, they cause problems, and I see that. They pull you more? They fool me, yeah. And I can just, no. And then the problem is, then I make them, maybe there is a delighted, blissful moment. And then I want to hold on to it. And I want to... Not work with it. Other people. Forget about working with it. No. Just keep it. Yeah. Right. And so I have a little poem that's kind of about that. Okay. It's a very little poem. It... Beautiful, beautiful presence right here, now.

[22:18]

Skip away or linger here. The light is always on. Oh, spinning a yarn about presence. Now that's a story. I want to acknowledge and appreciate the sense of community that's grown over these three weeks. And just speak loudly so everyone can hear me. Thank you. And especially during these days of Sasheen. And to say that I know that even though there's something effervescent about community and

[23:23]

I know we won't all be here next year at this time. And so it's just an acknowledgement that this is real right now. And that's all there is. I want to thank everybody and thank you. And I also have a little song, if it's OK, which I'd like Mary Ann to sing for me, if you would. It's a silly song. It's not sentimental. Should we do it once together and then in frame? It's a black song. Okay. Black socks, they never get dirty.

[24:26]

The longer you wear them, the stronger they get. Some guys, I think I should launder them. Something keeps telling me don't wash them yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. Black socks, the longer you wear them, the... Black socks, the longer you wear them, the... Black socks, the longer they come. Sometimes I think I should launder them. Something keeps telling me don't wash them yet. Not yet, not yet, not yet. Now that I'm up here, can I add to your... Is that okay? You said only two. You said only two. Two and a half? Two and a fourth? I was just wondering, we have this little singing group, and we sang in the Winter Folk of Dona Nobis Pacem, and I wondered if there are any people here who know it.

[25:40]

Maybe we could sing it together. It means grant us peace. It's a Catholic hymn, actually. But it's beautiful, and people like it. I like to sing it, and it's beautiful. And beautiful. Yeah. So maybe we could all put it together. Maybe one thing ended and then it all broke off. So... Thank you. Thank you.

[26:48]

La la [...] Two and three-fourths? Buddha did not attract me to Zen. You know, Shakyamuni Buddha. Zazen did not attract me to Zen. Singing and dancing of Zen monks attracted me to Zen.

[28:06]

And then I found out how they learned how to sing and dance. By sitting still and quiet. And after many years of selfless sitting, they were singers and dancers. Not good ones, but... they attracted me. Whereas Perry Como didn't. the genius of their singing and dancing, the beauty of their singing and dancing that comes from training our minds to sit still and quietly explore the farthest reaches of the causes and conditions of our karma. May I introduce them?

[29:12]

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