Tonight I wanted to talk about what's called the three pure precepts, which are to embrace and sustain right conduct, to embrace and sustain all good, and to embrace and sustain all beings, these three pure precepts of enlightening relationships. I think it's good to remember that these three are really indivisible. They're just three aspects of one thing, just like the ten great precepts are really indivisible. Not killing is indivisible from not stealing and not lying and so on. But I'll try not to get into that right now about how that's so. But just think about that for just a second, that you can't really tell the truth and kill.

[01:01]

You can't really tell the truth and kill. I would say that. And you can't really kill and tell the truth. But these three pure precepts work together. And I want to emphasize the third one, but I don't want to just jump to it all of a sudden. I want to mention the first two also. And I told you that story about the monk who was falsely accused of being the father of a child, right? And he said, is that so? And people criticized him and told him he was a terrible priest and a disgrace to the priesthood and all that. He accepted the criticism, didn't defend himself, took care of the baby, and then later they praised him and he said, is that so? And when I read that story when I was younger, I thought, that's the way I want to be. I want to be like that.

[02:05]

And... I just thought that was just the way to be. Kind, undefensive, warm and cool. Warm and cool. And undisturbed, affected. To me, he wasn't unaffected. It wouldn't have been as good a story if he was unaffected. He was affected, but undisturbed. The same in both situations, even though they're really different. It's really different to be, like, carted off to prison or to get a great award, right? It's different, feels different, but to be undisturbed by fame and disgrace. I thought, I want to be like that. And another story... which I really appreciated was a story which I say it over and over because it has to do with my beginnings in Zen of another Zen monk who was pretty poor, but anyway, he did have some possessions and he had a little house up in the mountainside.

[03:26]

And one full moon night, he heard somebody sneaking up to his house sounded like somebody sneaking up to his house, maybe a thief. But before the thief could come in, he threw all his possessions out the window, including his clothes, I believe. Didn't have much, but he threw everything he had, including his clothes, and then standing there naked, said, I wish I could give you the full moon too. And again, I thought, that's the way to be. I want to be like that. A few years before, when I was about 13, the thought crossed my mind one time when I was suffering about something or other. As you know, some teenagers do suffer a lot.

[04:30]

Just a thought crossed my mind, if I would just be kind to everybody, if my agenda all day in school, one of the places I suffered most was in school, if my agenda at school would be to be kind to people, almost all my problems would just evaporate. Plus, I'd be kind to people. But I could never remember to do that when I got to school. you know, all these guys doing this stuff and all these girls doing this stuff, you know, you kind of get into it, right? Like, hey, wow, geez. So here were these people, these people who were Zen monks who could remember to be kind on the spot, you know, when it was happening, when people were like in their face with praise and blame and Aggression and theft and they could like remember. Oh, yeah be kind. What's kind else do the kind thing? They could remember I thought that's the way I want to be but how could they remember I?

[05:34]

Couldn't figure out how they got that way and live not too long after I found out that all these people belong to the same Sports club they all did the extra same exercise program And then I found out that there was the same exercise program been going on for thousands of years and of these traditional forms of practice that these people did. And that maybe that these forms of practice had something to do with the fact that they could actually be kind and be compassionate rather than just want to be. So the third pure precept is to actually like embrace and sustain everybody. to actually be close to people and work for their benefit. But the first one is connected to it, and the first one is called to embrace and sustain right conduct, but that's really a short form of it. It's really to embrace and sustain forms and ceremonies or regulations and ceremonies, which are the formal traditional training practices of the bodhisattvas.

[06:44]

of the Enlightening Beings, that they actually have a formal training program for them. Now, of course, it's traditional to, like, do things to help people, and there's training for that, but the form of helping people varies from circumstance to circumstances. But there's certain forms which don't vary too much over the years. Like the cross-legged sitting is pretty much the same for thousands of years. Even before the Buddhists, humans were sitting in these yogic postures, apparently. We have found statues 8,000 years old sitting cross-legged. So I thought, well, maybe if I did those programs. So part of the practice, part of the way you learn and train yourself so that you'll be able to practice being kind to people is to do these traditional forms like sitting, like you're sitting.

[07:46]

When you do that, it gives you a chance to bring yourself in close contact to these forms and to surface in the formal situation, in the traditional training situation, to surface any kind of self-clinging you have or any selfishness. It's the self-clinging, it's the selfishness which interferes with doing the third pure precept. Because, of course, we sometimes want to help people. Or, to put it another way, of course we want to help some people. There are some people we do want to help. Right? But this is embrace and sustain. Actually, it means embrace and sustain all beings, not just embrace and sustain some. Helping some is good, but you can still sort of stay trapped in your selfishness and pettiness if you only help some. The other day, I was actually running up in the hills with my dog one of these hot days,

[08:51]

And some hikers stopped and offered my dog water. They didn't offer me water because my tongue was not hanging out. But if my tongue was hanging out, they probably would have given me some water, too. But I was OK. My dog looked really thirsty. So they gave my dog some water. And almost most people would give this dog water. Very cute dog. As a matter of fact, I was wondering if it's... I'd like to bring my dog to class. So if anybody has a problem with bringing my dog to class next week, maybe come up and tell me afterwards, because maybe some of you are allergic to dogs or something. So let me know if it's a problem, would you? I also thought it might be, if my dog came to class, she would bark when this other dog barks, which would disturb you and give you a chance to practice the third of these... But anyway, the first pure precept is a training opportunity where you do these traditional forms.

[10:05]

And because they're traditional, there are people who are trained at these traditional forms who can help you do them. And they include... All the precepts, right? So you make a commitment. The third precept includes actually all the other ones because if you make a commitment to practice these 16 precepts of enlightening relationships, then the first of the three pure precepts is that you put yourself in a situation where you train at these precepts. In other words, you put yourself in a situation where you tell people you're committed to them and where people can give you feedback. So that's this first pure precept called embracing and sustaining regulations and ceremonies. So the ceremonies are a little bit different from these precepts.

[11:08]

So the precepts are more like regulations. that you commit yourself to and you tell someone you're committing yourself to. And you can add to the list of those 16 in certain training situations. You can temporarily or over a long period of time commit yourself to other forms which you then, by making a commitment to people who are also aware you're making a commitment, they can help you give you feedback on how you're following through on your commitment. And when they give you the feedback, and you also notice yourself, your self-clinging, any selfishness surfaces in that process. And as it surfaces, you get to see various new little facets of your selfishness that you wouldn't be able to see if you weren't in that training situation. That could possibly have been clear, but it also might not have been clear.

[12:13]

Was it not clear? It's not? It wasn't? Okay, so let's say, for example, well, one example I had was this guy, this story, this happened in Tibet, you know, some guy was sitting meditating in a park, and another meditator was, one person was sitting and meditating, the other one was doing walking meditation. The one that was doing walking meditation said, saw the sitting meditator and said, hey, meditator, what are you meditating on? He said, I'm practicing patience. My teacher told me to practice patience. Okay? So he's in a situation where he has a commitment to practicing patience, and he tells somebody that, so then the person can check out to see how the practice is going. Right? So you've got somebody who assigns it to you, and you have somebody who meets you and hears about your practice and then wants to see how you're doing. So he says, so the guy picked up a piece of yak shit and said, here, eat this.

[13:14]

So then the guy who was practicing patience became very angry at the person. So then the person who was practicing patience found out how he was doing on practicing patience. Before that, he might have thought, hey, here I am practicing patience. It's going really well. I'm a great meditator. Then this other guy... Because they know, they might just say, well, how you doing? How about this? In America, we don't do that kind of thing. But 100, 200 years from now, people like that, things like that will happen to you if you're practicing. People will test you. The society will test you to see how you're doing. And sometimes your teacher tests you, too. Or a lot of people... come to Zen Center and they say, you know, I really want to practice Zen. They're very enthusiastic, like at 6 o'clock at night, they're very enthusiastic. And even like 8 or 9 o'clock at night, sometimes at 10 o'clock at night. But then in the morning at 4.30, they're not so enthusiastic. You know, they're supposed to get up early in the morning, so it's time to get up, and they get... They're a totally different person.

[14:23]

But if we didn't have that early wake-up thing, they wouldn't know what it was like who they were at 4.30 in the morning. So then you find out, oh, you know, at 8.30 at night or 9 at night or 10 at night, I'm kind of like totally enthusiastic about meditating and, you know, disciplining myself. But at 4.30 in the morning, there's this other guy there who, like, doesn't want to be bothered with, you know, this stupid stuff. And so on. Is he getting the feeling for it? Once you make a commitment, then something can surface. Whereas if you don't make a commitment, then you think, well, I just changed my mind. It's not that I'm attached to my sleep or something. It's just that I don't want to get up. But if you say you do want to get up beforehand, then when you don't want to get up, you think, hmm.

[15:24]

Last night I said I did, but this morning I don't. What happened in between? What's going on now? Who's, you know, something's there that you wouldn't, didn't see last night because last night it was easy to say you wanted to get up at 4.30. Right? It sounded really cool. Yeah, Zen monks early in the morning out in the dark there meditating. Incense, you know, sitting up and it's cool. It's beautiful. Nice lines there and frogs croaking and Cool. But then your actual body gets up and the body says, no. No. This body wants to stay in the bed. So, you know, that was nice the last night, but it doesn't apply this morning. Where did that come from? What a surprise. Whereas if the alarm goes off, you don't even get up. You miss the whole thing. But if you're practicing with someone, other people, they come and knock, knock, knock, knock. Debbie, did you say you wanted to get up? Did you say you wanted to get up?

[16:30]

Hello? Who's there? Are you the same person you were last night? Well, I don't know exactly. Which is the real me, you know? So, but if you didn't, if you don't say you want to get up, they don't knock on the door. You're just like, it's 4.30, it's 4.40, it's 5 o'clock, it's 5.30, it's 6, no problem. For all we know, she's totally interested in Zen. She wakes up, oh, it's nine o'clock, oh, that's nice. Zen's great. I love Zen, you know, it's wonderful. It showed me how unattached I am. I slept through the whole night with no attachment, you know, I didn't get angry at anyone, you know. This is really working well. But if you commit yourself... and then you don't get up, then what happened there? You learn something that you don't otherwise.

[17:34]

It's okay to sleep till 9 o'clock, but sometimes you don't learn anything from that. But if you say, I want to get up at 4.30, and then you don't, well, what was that? So, in that way, this formal training program brings your selfishness up, and you get to see it, and it gets to drop away. And when it drops away... then you can do this amazing thing, which is called the third precept. You can embrace and sustain all beings. So anyway, that's the third precept. So, you know, like, can we, this means, what this means is that you start to meditate on looking at every person as basically equal. You learn how to do that.

[18:36]

You learn how to look at street people who are really dirty, who you can barely stand the smell of them. You learn how to see them as equally valuable and precious as this very attractive person. This person who you would just love to have a chance to help. Who you would stop your car very fast to help. Or this dog that you would stop your car very fast to help. Or this little baby that you would stop to help. So most people, the little baby, a cute little dog, Sweet little dog looking up at you or gorgeous person all dressed up nice and clean and shining with a nice aura and kind of like, and then needing your help. It's fine to want to help those people.

[19:44]

No problem. Fine to want to help those babies and those dogs and those trees. What about these other ones? What about all of them? So we have to learn how to do that. And so it's a combination of trying to do that, but also to train ourselves in other arenas where it's not so much like actually forcing ourselves to get close to the person who is very repulsive to us. Some people are like, you know, we're allergic to some people practically, right? Some people are allergic to some people. My wife loves our dog, but she's actually maybe allergic to it. She gets kind of a rash when she pets it. And I must say, sometimes I see some people on the street and I see sometimes the way they relate to each other, and some people on the street are amazingly close to some of the other people on the street.

[21:00]

I mean, they actually really are not repulsed by some of these people. I mean, they're like, you know, they can do something that that would take a middle-class Buddha to do. Some people are really able to get really close to people who are really having a rough time. And they're also able to get close to people who are having a rough time but in a different way. So last time we talked about, you know, how to relate to beggars. How can we get close to embrace and sustain people on the street? which now we have more of a chance to do than we used to have, partly because a lot of the mental health institutions have been closed. So a lot of people who are mentally disturbed are now not in institutions anymore, who are out in the street.

[22:04]

And how are we going, how are we gonna learn to see these people as precious and to actually see them as equal to other people. This third precept is talking about trying to develop that and work towards seeing every person as basically equal. Every person doesn't mean you overlook their differences. It just means every person deserves your utmost respect. and your full devotion. So one of the ways to encourage this is to practice the first pure precept, to practice all the other precepts, to practice formal disciplines, that helps. Because the more you surface your selfishness and drop it, the more you can, the more naturally

[23:07]

you start to actually feel closer to all beings. This clinging to my self-interest is the main thing that stops me from embracing all beings. Yes? To allow it? yes allow it and also put yourself in a situation where it will be brought out not because and again it's not that you bring out your selfishness don't do that because you'll bring out the selfishness which you think is cool not the selfishness which you which makes you feel ashamed of yourself and feel bad That one's in hiding. You don't want to see that one.

[24:10]

But formal practice will surface the selfishness which is a selfishness which you will see you don't want. There's some kind of selfishness which really isn't selfishness, which is just simply taking care of yourself. And maybe that kind of selfishness you're willing to see. Some people even have trouble seeing that. But you allow it and also allow it to be shown to you. Allow it to other people to show it to you. Yeah, allow other people to show it to you. So that's why practicing... When you practice ceremonies, you allow other people to show you your self-clinging because when you do ceremonies, ceremonies aren't... Everybody can make up a ceremony, right? But the usual meaning of ceremony is a customary procedure, an established procedure. Now you can try to make something into a ceremony, that's fine, but there's also ceremonies which are already set up and have some tradition.

[25:17]

If you adopt those practices, then you make yourself vulnerable to the input from the tradition, which if you have any self-clinging, sometimes you might not want the feedback. Does that make sense? You'd be surprised. How much people who voluntarily enter into a ceremonial process, and of course, if it's a complex ceremony, it takes time to learn it. And then the people who are teaching you then will be more or less skillful. But sometimes the most skillful way to teach you is in a way that most surfaces yourself clinging. Now, some teachers, the way they teach you, you always feel grateful that they're giving you feedback. Well, that's okay. But some other teachers, you know, maybe they're even sometimes, what sometimes happens is the person who's teaching you is a person who's been doing the ceremony one day longer than you, who came the day before you, and they see you coming the day after them, so they're not going to teach you about how to do it.

[26:32]

And sometimes that person is younger than you and really happy to be your boss. So your self-concern or your self-clinging really comes up strongly when some young pipsqueak starts bossing you around and telling you all the things you're doing wrong. But if you hadn't entered that training situation, Well, they wouldn't be talking to you, plus even if they did talk to you, it would be totally irrelevant and ridiculous. You wouldn't know what they were talking about. But since you've entered this training program, this unskillful person can really evoke or surface your selfishness. You can see it. And then you can see how painful it is to be concerned about That some kid is criticizing the way you sit or the way you pick up a bowl or something.

[27:37]

That you're like totally enraged over somebody commenting on the way you brushed your teeth or opened a door or sat down or that you were a few minutes late or a few minutes early or that you weren't standing up straight or you wore your robe the wrong way and so on. You know, many, many possibilities. Okay? Is this making sense? But if you weren't self-concerned, these things would not bother you at all. Not at all. As a matter of fact, you would think it would be like a cutest little dog in the world coming over to you and just jumping up on you and saying, hello. You'd be like, oh, here's an opportunity to relate to a sentient being. What can I do to help you? Rather than, hey, you're criticizing me? You? Yes? Yes? Pardon? Yes. [...] Now, we'll still be practicing Zen to allow this person that is greedy for the seed to complete its course of neediness and just do it.

[29:25]

Just don't, because immediately, of course, the reaction is shame, and you don't know, you know, then you hold back. That can also be observed. You hold back and then you feel... So you're asking me, I hear you asking me, is it practicing Zen to violate these precepts? Okay? Because what you just said is violating the precepts. You're basically slandering others, praising yourself at the expense of others, stealing and being greedy and also kind of killing and misusing your sexuality and lying and abusing the triple treasure. Because all these beings are Buddhas, you know. You're in the Sangha. You're also being kind of aggressive. You're being kind of angry by pushing them out of the way. You're not practicing right conduct. You're not trying to help other beings.

[30:29]

And you're not practicing good. You're not taking refuge in Buddha, Dharma, or Sangha. You violate all the precepts by that example. So your question is, would that be practicing Zen? And it would be if you committed yourself to those practices and afterwards confessed that you broke all the precepts by behaving that way at the theater, then that would be practicing Zen. Now, if you act that way, if you haven't received the precepts and you have no commitment to practice those precepts, all of which you just broke, then you're just practicing behaving that way and violating the precepts, but you have no commitment to them, so it's just another bad thing you did. But if you committed yourself not to behave like that, and then you behave like that and you notice it and you confess it, that's part of the practice. So if you receive these precepts and then violate them and notice it and confess it, then you're on track again. Because when you violate a precept, the thing to do then is what a Buddha would do is say, I violated a precept. Here, I did it. Now, maybe nobody wants to hear, but Buddha does want to hear from you that you did it.

[31:33]

It's not so much the person that's come up in you, it's an impulse that's come up in you. That isn't really a person. Now, if you think it's a person, then that's another confusion. So you've got the impulse plus the thinking that that was a person, that's another thing. By this kind of process of committing yourself to these precepts of enlightenment and then watching your behavior and seeing how your behavior works with these precepts, that's how you become enlightened. By seeing this over and over, you become enlightened. You see, you get to see that there really isn't a person there. It's just confusion and a misunderstanding and greed and hatred.

[32:42]

That's all there is. And you get to see that these pivot on a misunderstanding of the self. And you get to see that all your pain pivots around this self and around the concern for this self. And the more you see that, the closer you are for this belief to drop. So at the beginning of your practice, you're still holding on to this self and you're suffering because of that. If you take these precepts on and you let some other people know that you are doing it and also remind yourself and get other people to remind you, then you start to notice that the core of the discordance, that the core of the not being in in concurrence or in a corridor with the precepts is this self-clinging. That's the problem. That's the thing that throws it off. And every time you're not in line, you'll see that the self's there. Maybe you won't see it every time, but gradually you start to see it's always self-clinging there.

[33:45]

And the more you see it, the more you're bringing your misunderstandings, getting more and more presented to you and more and more you get to see what you think you are and the more you see what you think you are the more intimate with what you think you are the more you realize that what you are is not what you think you are and then what you think you are just becomes what you think you are it just becomes another thought and then you're free and then the precepts happen and there's no more violation because the precepts are actually what you are But if you're holding on to some idea of what you are, then the precepts are always out of whack. If you see they're out of whack, then that's right. But that also brings you back into seeing, well, what is there accompanying the out of whackness? It's a belief in an inherent self, and it's clinging to that and being concerned for that. But if you practice the precepts, it keeps challenging that delusion. Challenge that delusion.

[34:47]

Challenge that self-concern. And tonight, I'm emphasizing, try to always put other people first. And notice that being concerned for yourself is misery, and being concerned for others is happiness. Being concerned for yourself is always misery. Always. Try that on. Always. Doesn't mean you don't brush your teeth. It's okay to brush your teeth. It's good to brush your teeth. I'm asking you, please brush your teeth. But you don't have to be concerned for yourself when you brush your teeth. That just makes it more unhappy to brush your teeth. Please wash your face and use good soap. Please take care of your body and feed yourself well. This is the kindness you do for me to do that. But to be concerned with yourself when you do that stuff, that's going to make you unhappy. But to take care of your brush your teeth for me, that's going to make you happy. To take care of your body for us, that'll make you happy.

[35:51]

But to take care of your body for yourself, that'll make you unhappy. And to practice these precepts for yourself, which is maybe the way you do it, that's going to make you unhappy. But you'll see that as you try to practice them. If you're doing them for yourself, you will surface that and you'll see this is the wrong way. This is bad for me and bad for everybody. But if you turn it the other way and you practice precepts really for others and you live for others, you'll notice, like I did when I was 13, you'll notice that's the way to go. That's happiness. Did you have a question? Well, no. Not really? Well, not really. No, you said if you... If you had any intention or forethought that you were going to charge in front of everybody in the line... Yeah. ...and take advantage... Yeah.

[36:53]

...and then confess, and then you'd be okay. No, no, no. No. No. But I mean, the confession thing, I think... The confession thing... Well, you have to be sort of careful with that, or... Yeah, be careful. You still have to have the right intentions. Well, but you don't have the right intentions sometimes. So then when you don't have the right intentions, if you catch yourself at it, it's not the same as just not having the right intentions. So just not having the right intentions, that's not practicing enlightenment. That's just not having the wrong intentions. But if you notice that you have the wrong intentions and you're committed to having the right intentions, that commitment, your commitment to take refuge in Buddha, that commitment works even when you fall down. Because once you make that commitment, you won't feel okay about violating it. You won't feel okay.

[37:56]

And it isn't that when you confess you feel okay. It's that when you confess, you're being honest. That's all. It's just like, okay, who did that? I did. Okay, let's go on. Let's try again. Did your intention change? No, I still want to take refuge in Buddha. Okay, here we go again. Did you? No, sorry, missed it again. Does it hurt? Yes. Does it hurt to be selfish? Yes. Does it hurt not to be Buddha? Yes. Not being Buddha is painful. Being Buddha means you love every single person the same. They're different, but you give every person your utmost. And if you don't do that, you're going to be unhappy. And if you don't do it, you'll notice you're unhappy. And when you notice you're unhappy, say, I'm unhappy, and here's why I'm unhappy, and now I want to be happy. For a second, anyway. And then you forget the next moment. Jane, and then Kate. Who else? And Nancy. Who else? Okay, Jane. Jane. In Elena's example, you said that was also a lie.

[39:06]

Yeah. Is that because you're not being... That's because you're not telling the truth. Well, you're not telling the truth about who you really are. But you're also not telling the other people in the theater what you're up to. Like say, excuse me, I'm not going to butt in front of all you. I'd like to tell you this is the truth. If you do that, everything will change. Then you know, your husband won't let you go any further. Elena, shut up. Now that you've told him you can't do it. Hey, usher, this woman, get her. But you're also telling a lie because you're not stating the truth, which you know. You're not telling the whole story. If you want to button line, you don't have time to tell the whole story. So you tell a short version of it called nothing, and you just sneak in.

[40:09]

And what about misusing sexual energy? Well, what do you think you use to button line with? What kind of energy do you think you use there? That's sexual energy. Sexual energy is you use sexual energy to eat lunch. Sexual energy is, you know, what do you think your energy is? That's our main energy, is sexual energy. That's what we're here for, is to, you know, reproduce. Sexual energy is there. It's basically our energy is sexual. It's operating all day long. The question is, what do you use it for? Use it to button line? Use it to write novels? Use it to have sex? Use it to eat lunch? You know, basically we eat lunch, as animals we eat lunch to have sex. It's all for sex. But you can also use sexual energy to help people.

[41:10]

Instead of like, you know, have more of your babies on the planet, and to get more good food in your body and kill more cows, you can try to like use your sexual energy to help people. And then you're going to be like a happy sexual being. Right? Use your sexual energy to tell the truth. Use your sexual energy to protect all those little babies. Not just yours. And, you know, use it to protect those babies that have grown up, you know, to be 50 or 60 or 70 years old. Use your sexual energy to protect beings. Use your sexual energy to take refuge in Buddha. Use your sexual energy to take refuge in Dharma. Use your sexual energy to tell the truth. Use your sexual energy to not steal. Use your sexual energy to praise people. Use your sexual energy to Be humble. Okay? That's what I mean. But to abuse people, to have sexual relationships or whatever, you know, touch people, look at people, smell people, kiss people, whatever people, steal from people, all that stuff, if you don't do it in a kind way, you're misusing your sexual energy.

[42:20]

That's what I mean, right? Kate? I said that whenever you're concerned for yourself, you're unhappy. Well, it doesn't look like you cause misery. It just, it is misery. It is misery. You already got it. It's not later. I am also one of those beings that I'm supposed to, that I want to, that I'm trying to embrace and take care of. And if I don't practice the... You are one of them. Myself. Yeah. With myself, you know. Yeah. How I see myself. Yeah. How is that misery? If I tell myself the truth and I treat myself with respect and I...

[43:24]

Yes. Please do. Okay, so, yeah, I got it. So you do, when it comes to yourself, it's a little different. Okay? The difference is that you don't, is that if you're concerned for yourself, okay, it's miserable because you're not concerned for yourself the same way you're concerned for everybody else. But really, if you were concerned for everybody else, and then there was one more person, and you just added one more person to the list, and it happened to be you, that would be not a problem. You wouldn't be miserable about that. But when you're concerned for yourself, you can say, well, what if I'm not concerned for myself first, but I'm concerned for myself fifth? Like, okay, we got... how many billions of billions of billions of living beings on the on the planet and how about if i'm fifth is that okay how about if you're last just make yourself last that's all and then you can take care of yourself too then you can be concerned yourself but be concerned with yourself last that's all why not there well how could i be like

[44:50]

Not, could I be up the list a little ways? Like, could I have a billion people below me and four billion above me? No. Just put yourself last. That's all. But you don't have to really be concerned for yourself. All you got to do is just take care of yourself. Just do all the things you would do if you were concerned with yourself. Practice the precepts. But not because you're concerned for yourself, but because they're good to do. Brush your teeth. That's the most fun way to do it is just to brush them. But to brush them kind of like, oh, I'm brushing them, but, you know, but the gums are receding, you know. What's the dental hygiene is going to say about me, you know? Are they going to fall out? You know, how much longer are they going to last? What am I going to look like when they're not there anymore? How much is this going to cost to fix? All this little dent, this little dent that I got, you know, it's stuck in the caramel, you know, and now I got a little dent there. Oh, geez, oh, God, you know. That's what's miserable.

[45:52]

Huh? Now, I like to go to the dentist, and I like to please the dental hygienist. You know, sometimes they say, you know, it makes them happy when you take care of your teeth. They feel insulted, you know, kind of like, I don't care about these teeth. You clean them. You know, it's beneath me to clean them. You clean them. This isn't important, these things, you know. I'm not going to clean. It's like they're like, you know, what do you call it? slaves or, you know, servants, right? You clean them. They like it when you come in kind of like, I've been taking care of them. I'm just like you. I'm not above you. I do it every day. I take care of these teeth. Now, would you give me a little assistance here? Because there are some things I can't get to that you're really good at. They appreciate that. And they say so, don't they? When you do a good job, they say, you did a good job. Some of them say, that really makes my day, you know. And they get discouraged when people come in with these teeth that they're just like not taking care of. It discourages them. Sometimes they feel like quitting, they told me. because it's discouraging to see people not take care of their teeth from their point of view, and from mine too.

[47:02]

I want you to take care of yourself, but I don't want you to be concerned for yourself. I just want you to take care of yourself. I want you to take care of yourself, which it turns out you've got to take care of yourself a lot, because it's your job. But you don't have to be concerned for yourself until you take care of everybody else. Then be concerned for yourself. In the meantime, take care of yourself without being concerned for yourself. But it turns out we've got to be concerned for other people to take care of them. Now, some people, we don't have to even be concerned for them to take care of them because we want to take care of them so much, which is fine. I have no problem with that. Some people are like, please give me a chance. I want to take care of you. You're so cute. Let me take care of you. That's fine. But that's like, you know, how many people are like that? Then there's the other billions, you know, those people you've got to be concerned for. Concern has the meaning one of the means is worried about you know, but another mean the root of I like the root meaning of concern Which is to be in the same sieve?

[48:07]

Concern comes it's to be in the same sieve together Before you shake it and we come out, you know into different people we're together to be concerned for people is like to be to be with them before we're like separated and Okay, next is Nancy. The thing that happens to me is that maybe I'll be... I'll do something someone asks me to do, and then I'll get into a thing where somebody else... Yes. And then after a while, so much will come out, hey, I'm not doing anything for you. Yeah. But I notice there's a person in my office who really is like what you're talking about. She's very concerned, and she's willing to do for everyone. Right. And I can't, I feel like I'm being walked on, or I'm being taken.

[49:10]

Right, right. Or abused even more. So even though I kind of want to be concerned, I feel like I have to put a guard around myself or... Yeah. So I don't know... Right. You know, this is a slight diversion to answer your question, but sometimes in office situations that I've heard a difference between men and women pointed out, and it has something to do with learning team sports, that when you're playing baseball... The first baseman, generally speaking, does not go out to center field to help the center fielder. He stays at first base, pretty much. Short stock can move around quite a bit. But anyway, boys learn to stay at their positions. And in the office situation, whereas girls, you know, unless they're taught to stay at their position, they'll go help people in other parts of the field. Even if it looks like they need help, they'll just go help. But the boys, because they're taught these things, they stay in their position. So in the office, some women, some men too, will go around helping everybody else and not do their job and get fired because they were helping everybody else and not worrying about their job or their position.

[50:20]

you might get fired if you did that so in some sense to keep your job you may feel like I gotta I gotta protect myself otherwise I'll just be running around helping everybody else do their job and then I won't do mine and they'll say Nancy you didn't do your job so you're fired well but I helped everybody else do their job well that's nice but we want you to do your job so we'll fire you they might warn you a few times but if you kept being so helpful to everybody else They might give you some trouble because that's not the way to do it. So what are you going to do if all these people keep helping you? Well, sometimes what you can do, the main thing is that you try to be concerned to help them. That's the main thing. If that's really your orientation, you have an enlightening relationship. You might get fired, but you have an enlightening relationship. But having that kind of thing doesn't mean you wouldn't necessarily say, I would like to ask my boss if it's okay if I help you.

[51:29]

That would be okay. I mean, if really what you're doing is you're concerned for the other person, and you're not really concerned for whether you're going to get fired or not, but you still want to know if you're going to be helping your boss. So you might ask your boss or some other person, Would you think it's a good idea if I help this person? I'm willing to do it. What do you think? Now, sometimes they might say no, and you might still think it would be good to help them. I feel like what I've done is I've said, okay, in the past, I helped them, and it seemed like they started to take advantage. So now I'm like, I don't know. Okay, now. You do your own thing, I'll do my own thing. That's another thing. I feel like I'm not in the place you're talking about. This thing about being taken advantage of, okay? Okay, now. Somebody asked you to do something. Now, at what point does it turn into they're taking advantage of you? When does that happen?

[52:31]

Well, one time it might happen is when you're actually doing their job for them. That, in some sense, might be taking advantage because it's kind of misleading and there's some dishonesty there. It's not necessarily helping people to do their job for them. You can be concerned, primarily concerned for another person's welfare and not do their job for them, even though they ask you to do it. Right. Like your children, you can be concerned for your children but not necessarily do their homework for them. And there's a lot of things like that where someone is asking you to do something which really they need to do. And if you do it for them, you're actually not helping them. And your concern is to help them, not to get them to like you. If you do their job for them, they like you.

[53:37]

And you might, sometimes you can help people. I mean, you can do things for people that there's no skin off your nose. actually, where you won't get fired if you help them, but where they will deteriorate, where they won't develop certain strengths, and where if you left the situation, they would collapse because you're doing their job for them. So you're not really helping them. The orientation is that you care about them first, and you think about what's best for them, and you help them do whatever you think is going to be good. And if somebody's taking advantage of you, it's not necessarily good for you to collude in them taking advantage of you. But sometimes it is good for you to go along with them taking advantage of you in a sense. Sometimes it is good. Because sometimes it's very helpful for people to try to take advantage of you and see that they're able to do it and you know they're doing it and you let them do it.

[54:45]

It's sometimes very helpful to them to see, you actually are letting me take advantage of you. Wow, this is really something. What's going on with you? And then they find out that you're on another track here. And they're amazed to find somebody who you're primarily interested in waking them up. Like that famous story in Les Miserables where the guy steals from the priest, takes advantage of the priest, and then he gets caught. And the priest said, you didn't steal from me. And the guy says, oh, yes, I did. And so he gives him more. So sometimes when people are stealing from you, you turn it into a gift and they still don't believe it and you turn it into a bigger gift and finally they crack. So it's not always the case that taking advantage, that if their intention is to take advantage, it isn't necessarily that it's bad if you help them in a certain way.

[55:49]

The point is that you're trying to help them. And also, when you're trying to help people you're also open to feedback as to whether it's helpful or not. So it isn't just, well, I'm trying to help you, so, you know, shut up. You watch to see, does it actually help? Do they and other people feel like they're helped? Was there another question? So what about helping? What about beggars? What about people on the street who are asking for help? Did you have some ideas? Any ways of helping you help these people? Yes? Aaron wrote a paper, which I haven't read yet. Yeah, I thought that was actually a sign. So I was surprised I wasn't the only one who had it in something. Linda wrote me a letter, too. But how about some other things that people want to report on tonight?

[56:53]

Greeting people directly. Greeting people directly, yes. Yes, I think that really does help. I try myself to look in their face, to never look away. It's very... Sometimes you... Sometimes, even if you give something, sometimes you can't... It's hard to look at them, right? One of the things that people sometimes ask for is money for, you know, because for travel. you know, blah, blah, blah, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, I need money for blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And so, but you can't, if you give them the money and they're going to go, and you're not sure what they're going to do with it, then you maybe feel uneasy, right? So I thought, well, one thing you can do is, which might be more expensive, but it's easier if you can get a cab.

[57:57]

and pay the cab driver. Now, then they might say, well, give me the money. But sometimes they're going to go catch a bus or something, right? So they need $34 to blah, blah, blah. So getting a cab, I thought, was a good way if you think the person's lying to you. But sometimes it's OK to give it to them even if they're lying to you. But then you're not sure. Maybe they'll use it for drugs, you think. So then what do you do then? Yes? There's an organization called Homeward Bound of Marin. Homeward? Homeward Bound of Marin. Speaking of Homeward Bound, would you give me, I'd like to talk to you about how to get back to Marin tonight after class. I got last, last week I went to like, you know, Sacramento by mistake. Yeah, so I want some instruction. I don't want to go to Sacramento again. It's wild out there. Yeah, so there's Homeward Bound.

[59:01]

Homeward Bound is a brain that supports homeless people and they provide shelter to them and they train them to work in our society. And that could be a way of... I'm thinking about going to involuntary myself. Or you could tell the homeless people about this. There's this organization that might be able to help. That's a good idea. Right, right, right. But what do you do about the people, this particular person who maybe doesn't live in Marin? So we're not in Marin. You can tell them that you live in Marin. I'm only kidding. I know, I know. That was a good one. Carol? Carol? I was shopping, and a woman, a young woman, came up to me and asked for, she told me to call her when she asked for donations. And, you know, I spoke to her, and he looked at her, but I didn't feel comfortable giving her money because she looked like she was a heavy drug user.

[60:07]

And I said, no, but then I said, I could give you food, I have yogurt, but yogurt. But she said, no, I have banana. Right. And it's hard to tell somebody that I think you're a drug user because they might not be or whatever. But I think it's OK to say I feel uncomfortable about giving you money. And I think that, so one of the things is to have food with you. And sometimes you may not have food with you, but sometimes you can take the person someplace where you can pay for their meal. So you can say, I'll give you this much money for a meal, and you give the money to the people. You could say, it would be all right if I gave the money to the people in the restaurant.

[61:13]

Would that be okay with you? And if they feel insulted, then I guess that's the best you can do because you don't feel like just giving them the cash. I think do what you feel comfortable with. But get in there. Get close, I think is one of the key points. And be honest about how you're feeling without necessarily saying something about them. Just say what you feel comfortable doing. Not telling them, not, you're this or you're that, but just, I feel comfortable doing this. You don't like to do what? Right, right. That's right. Well, that's a step... That's a step in the right direction.

[62:15]

Right. And I think what we want to learn to do is kind of like consider, anyway, working towards getting her the banana, which is pretty inconvenient because you don't have a banana, so you've got to go... What if it's in the middle of the night, you know, and there's no banana stores open? It's not just a banana. It's not a banana. It's that... You know, that I... It's that you feel like what? What? Well, what more do you think would... Well, enough. What do you mean by enough? Well, yeah, so... So if you have a feeling that you can't do enough, then you stay away from that feeling that you can't do enough.

[63:18]

Because it's more like, not that I can do enough, but will I do as much as I can do? Will I do as much as I feel comfortable doing? So if I surface what I feel comfortable doing, then do I come up, sometimes I don't even come up to what I feel comfortable doing. Like, sometimes I feel comfortable giving a dollar, but I don't do it, even though I feel comfortable doing it. I mean, I actually, if I think about it, I feel comfortable giving a dollar, but I didn't. Because, you know, I was, you know, I wasn't thinking clearly. I wasn't, like, present. I was, like, kind of like, well, I don't want to slow down and, you know, to pull over to do that. I don't want to, like, reach, you know, it's kind of uncomfortable to reach around there in the car seat. You know, it's kind of like it's not really available. Just some little inconvenience like that. Even though I would be, even though the thing itself wasn't so bad.

[64:18]

No, I don't feel like giving somebody a dollar is enough. But it's not like giving the 20s enough or 50s enough because that may be too much. Who knows? But it's something that I feel comfortable with. I think the thing is you start with what you're comfortable with. But sometimes even what you're comfortable with, you miss because you're lazy. So you might actually feel a good size of compassion or generosity, but you don't act on it because you're not present enough to even know what you're ready to do. So you've got to be prepared and be aware of what you're comfortable with. But you need the two together. You can't just be generous and off to lunch. You've got to be present and aware of how generous you are. Everybody is somewhat generous with some people. So what we're talking about now is spreading the generosity and increasing it. And the more that we're aware of our present level of comfort around generosity, and the more you get in there,

[65:19]

the more it'll grow. It grows because generosity, when you act on your generosity, when you give the gift you really want to give, not the gift you think you should give, but the one you actually want to give, you're happy to do it. And then you naturally want to do it again. And then it starts to grow. But if you start giving beyond your means, in other words, beyond your means, means beyond what you want to give and you don't like it, then you weren't being honest about where you were at, and then you take a step backwards in your generosity. Chris? I had an interesting experience with an exercise. I thought about it for a couple of days, what I wanted to do, and I decided that I probably wasn't going to be able to give someone something that would be, you know, that would make a difference. But what I wanted to do was to make contact and to be able to say, hello, how are you, to somebody.

[66:26]

But I felt like I couldn't just go up to somebody and do that, and I needed to have something to do that to do it. So I decided I would have quarters in my pocket so that I would be ready, and then I could make that contact. And what was really interesting was, it worked a few times, and I actually felt, whereas, I see the same people every day, and where I usually would go by and be kind of paranoid, or, you know, very, like, oh, gosh, I go by a person, and I go by and not pay attention, or something like that. When I looked at them and said hello and drafted a couple of quarters, it turned into a pleasant interaction, and I got a smile, and I smiled. And so then I was looking forward to doing it. It was really interesting. And then I found more, I was ready, and I had quarters, but fewer homeless people I saw. laughter laughter laughter Well, they did their job on you.

[67:32]

They're moving on to other people. They're out there to help us, you know. And they've converted her now, so they're coming to get the rest of us. Jane? I think what you were talking about. I, a few months ago, started walking to a woman and her little son. And we talked for a really long time. And I, I really considered taking them home in my apartment. I mean, I was almost, well, I love fear about that. But I, I felt, well, I still think about the phone. They were trying to find a place to sleep that night. So So there you are. Right on the edge of, like, really practicing Buddhism.

[68:33]

That's really, you know, this can happen. You can wind up with these people living in your house with you. Deirdre? I have a friend who is from Southern California. He got involved Sunday mornings with the people making food for people who live in the park. And there were people who showed up regularly every Sunday for this food at They seemed to want to get involved in helping out, and people who were actually in the group who were doing this work didn't want to let the people who were in the park join in helping, because if not, they'd probably be unreliable. And his feeling was, in response to that, was he decided to make a film about it. And he, with a couple of other people in a crew, spent about six weeks pretty much out on the street with people in Santa Monica who were homeless and made a film. And he's showing this film in two weeks up here. And I've seen it. And what I think is really valuable about it is that you actually get to see what it's like to live on the street.

[69:38]

And I developed kind of a lot of appreciation and respect because these people have to be extremely ingenious. They get harassed a lot, and they're incredibly patient with the people who harass them. And they survive because they form communities and take care of each other. And it's kind of inspiring in a way, and also very painful. But I think that by making this film, my friend was trying to help us who live in houses understand people who don't live in houses. And really, that's the only difference. And so I'm trying to help support that. And if anybody wants to go see the film, I can make it. I'm sorry to stop, but I think Did you have your hand, Laura, raised? No. I just have one quick question. Yes. Would it be okay to just think that's their quantum or that's what they created for their life or that's where I am?

[70:42]

Any thought you have is okay. You can think whatever you want just as long as you're totally devoted to every living being. You can think, you know, whatever you want. You can say, that's their karma, that's not their karma, or they're a frog, but I'm totally devoted to them. The point is that you're devoted to people. We think, you know, I think that's Martin, and I think that's Jimmy, and I think that's Dennis, okay? You know, I think he's good, and he's bad, and he's medium, right? That's okay. The point is that you're devoted to these beings that you got these ideas about, that you don't get stopped by your thinking, that you... In other words, what you think is going on doesn't interfere with your acting in accord with reality. Reality is everybody out there is who you really are. That's the way the Buddha sees it. And if you see that everybody out there is really who you are, if you see that, then you act like that. And so you can have all these people out there that have their karma, but that's who you are.

[71:45]

Their karma is your karma. Okay? This is to learn, okay? We're trying to learn this. I say this, but I'm not saying I can live according to that. But when I don't live in accord with that, I don't feel right because I have these precepts that I've received and which I give to people. So, you know, I don't want to be a hypocrite, but to some extent I'm a hypocrite whenever I don't really... care about somebody else more than myself. And I sometimes seem to care more about myself than other people, so I feel bad about that. Not just because I am devoted to the path which isn't like that, but I feel bad about it anyway. Matter of fact, one of the other things that turned me towards Zen, maybe I told you this, I used to live in a slum in Minneapolis. I had a nice house in a slum.

[72:47]

And there was a lot of Native American drunks on the streets all around my house. And one day I rode by this bar with these people out in the street, you know, falling all over each other, drunk. And I drove by my little motor scooter to my nice little apartment and I looked at those people and I thought, I wouldn't want those people to come to my house. And I felt really ashamed of myself that I had my nice little scene, I didn't want these miserable, unhappy, drunken people in my life messing up my little world. And that moment was one of the things that really turned me to want to come to Zen Center to practice because I really didn't want to be that kind of person. And I still don't. But it's still hard to, like, embrace, you know, people that are, you know, falling over each other on the street drunk. to have a feeling in your heart that these are my people, that this is my life.

[73:49]

So I'm still trying to learn that. I still believe in it, and I still don't feel good about pushing anybody away, but I'm still trying to learn that. Maybe I'll learn a little bit in 30 years of practice, but it's worth it. A little bit's worth a lot. At this rate, in 500 years, I'll be pretty good. That's why you should brush your teeth, you know. You gotta live a long time.

[74:27]

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