This essay on teaching and conferring the precepts is recited at the time of the bi-monthly repentance ceremony in Soto Zen, in Soto Zen in Japan. Last week I talked about the practice of repentance and it's a I feel that this practice of repentance is a vast and important topic and I would be happy to talk about it more but I think perhaps I won't talk about it so much more now but just touch upon it a little bit and then move on It seems to me that one aspect or an important aspect of the practice of repentance is that we are able to admit our humanness.

[01:20]

And by humanness, in some sense what I mean is that we have thinking processes going on and that we are compelled by our thinking. And that the thinking we're doing is actually quite maybe I could say empty. There's nothing much to it. And certainly if we look at what other people are thinking, we can easily realize that. We don't have much trouble with that. but actually our thinking is actually quite empty, and yet we are quite thoroughly compelled by it, driven by it, by what we're thinking.

[02:36]

This is part of the human deal. Liberation from this setup of being driven and compelled by our thinking one of the first steps, or maybe the first step in liberation from this being compelled by empty comings and goings of our thinking, is to admit that this is a situation that we're in. And to admit it thoroughly, as thoroughly as possible. I like the expression to make a exhaustive inventory of our neurotic behavior. And if I could just make reference to last week, without getting into it too much, this is also, strangely enough, this kind of being willing to admit our humanness is also closely related

[03:57]

to forgiving ourselves, I would say, I would suggest to you that perhaps the more that we forgive ourselves, the more we're willing to admit our humanness. And vice versa, the more you're willing to admit your humanness, and just admitting it without messing around, just admitting it, the more you can forgive yourself. The more I can admit my human situation. In a sense, the more I realize the world of Buddha's compassion. And again, the more I can admit and realize the reality of my human beingness, the more I can accept Buddha's compassion. And not only that, But the more I can admit it in relationship to all of you, the more I can admit it in an interactive way, which I would say the more I can make it like theater, also the more fully I realize the meaning and liberating power of repentance.

[05:21]

So for example, if I tell you that tonight's talk will not be too good because, uh, when I went back to the house today, uh, my wife had made a dinner for me, a special dinner, which I happily ate, but then she would not, since I was late for dinner, because I was at a meeting here, since I was late for dinner and in trouble already, I could not get away from it. I was not allowed to leave the table. I was not excused from the table, and I willingly stayed at the table because I felt like I had come late. So that's why my talk won't be good tonight. I had no time to prepare. Now, that is kind of a lie, but you see, me trying to make an excuse is my humanness. And me telling you that I couldn't prepare because of those circumstances is just an example of my thinking.

[06:34]

However, telling you this, like I'm telling you, and you mostly, most of you understand it's a joke, then, although I am admitting my human situation, I'm also liberated from it through that confession. And it's not through the confession that I was kept at the table. It's through the confession that I'm making an excuse for my lecture, that I'm making an excuse for why I couldn't prepare. Human beings, you have to do this kind of thing, making excuses all the time. I can also make an excuse why I was late for dinner. A good excuse, too, because I was at a meeting, and the meeting ran overtime, but I let it run overtime. A lot of times I think, this meeting is supposed to end at 5.30, I'm going to leave. But tonight I didn't. I was not impelled by the thought, I want to get out of here so I have some time to prepare for the lecture. I had the thought, but it didn't drive me out. I was driven to stay at the meeting by another thought, namely, be compassionate and give yourself entirely to the meeting.

[07:38]

I was still driven by my human thought. But that's why I was late for dinner. You see, I can make excuses forever as a human being, and I will always do that. And so will everybody else. Repentance is to admit this completely. Admit so much that you see the joke of the whole thing. Another thing that happens is that, you know, people that are Zen teachers, you know Zen teachers? You know, sometimes in Zen teachers, are Zen teachers humans? Are they humans? Huh? Yes or no? Any, how many people said, who said no?

[08:40]

Who said no? You said no? Ah, that's a joke, right? She's smiling, see? Zen teachers, I would suggest that some Zen teachers think they're not human. And some Zen teachers think they are human, and some Zen teachers think other Zen teachers are human, and some Zen students wish Zen teachers weren't human. When I first started studying Zen, I hoped that Zen teachers weren't human. I actually hoped that. And because I hoped they weren't human, I often became uncomfortable when I saw something human in their behavior. made me feel uncomfortable, especially if it was like one of my Zen teachers. And even somebody else's Zen teachers, it makes me uncomfortable when I see them being human. One of the first stories I heard from Suzuki Roshi was about this Zen teacher. And he was a Japanese guy, and it was after the war.

[09:44]

And this one, he made friends with this American admiral who used to come to visit him. And every time the admiral came to visit him, the Zen teacher would say, did you bring me some cake? Give me my cake. I don't remember if there was more to the story than that, but I always thought, gee, that's interesting. I didn't like it. I felt uncomfortable. And one time, you know, I was sitting like, you know, Suzuki Roshi was, we were having breakfast one day in the Zendo over, you know, before, you know, in Japan town where Zen Center used to be. And the We were having breakfast, and Suzuki Roshi was kind of sitting on a raised platform, and I was sitting like facing him, eating my breakfast. And he was holding his bowl and eating his breakfast, and he had a lot of rice in his mouth.

[10:49]

He looked kind of like a monkey. Didn't bother me too much. But anyway, he was holding his bowl at an angle, kind of like this, and there was rice in his bowl. It was tilted way over, and I thought, gee, He's tilting his bowl a lot. The rice might fall out. I thought, oh. Zen masters can, like, you know, hold their rice bowls at a very sharp, tilt their rice bowl way over without it falling out, and they can get the rice out and get it in their mouth without spilling it. That's pretty good. I thought that was pretty good. And then his rice fell out onto his robe. And then he picked it up and put a bash on it. That's a true story about a human being, Zen Master.

[11:56]

Now, of course, it all spoke to that he wasn't really a Zen Master. There are some other people who are. who don't do that kind of thing. I don't know. Anyway, I'm proposing to you that according to this teaching the beginning of the practice is to admit that you're a human being. And it is possible actually right off in the beginning that if you can admit you're a human being you have a chance of being liberated from whatever kind of a human being you are. Maybe there's some other way to be liberated, but the teaching and conferring of these bodhisattva precepts, the beginning of it is to admit that you're a human being, to admit that you're driven by what you think, and not try to get away from that reality, to realize that completely. And to show other people, like, didn't he do that?

[13:01]

Wasn't he a nice old Zen master? He did that right in front of me. He let his rice bowl right out of his bowl in front of me and then reached down, picked it up and put it back in. That's theater. That's Zen theater. That's a relationship between him and me. And now, even after he's dead, he's still relating to people through his humanness. And you hear about how wonderful Suzuki Roshi is, and now that allows you to spill your rice. Not as an excuse, you don't go spill your rice because he did it, but when you spill your rice, you can admit, I spilled my rice. Anyway, I will try to stop now talking about repentance because I have to stop myself because I think it's such a wonderful practice. It's such a wonderful part of Buddhist practice. And I will go on to the next thing, which is not exactly after, like in time it's after, but it's also simultaneously, and that is taking refuge in the Triple Treasure.

[14:11]

But before I do that, I'm driven by one more thought. And that is, another thing that annoys me about some Zen masters, the humanness of them, is particularly when you go to their temple and they have pictures of themselves shaking hands with famous people. That really annoys me. Even if it's not my teacher. You ever seen that? You know, pictures of little, like, bald Japanese guys shaking hands with Dwight Eisenhower, President Eisenhower, and they have it up in the wall. It's like, see, our teacher shook hands with Eisenhower. It always makes me sad also when I see, like, pictures of a Zen priest shaking hands with a pope. You know, like, hey, man, is that supposed to prove we're good because we can shake hands with the pope? And they all, you know, and the pope, this particular pope's kind of a big guy, so you have these little Japanese guys shaking hands with the pope. You know, there's a general rule here, you know, that if you try to associate yourself with any kind of orthodoxy or authority,

[15:20]

That shows that you feel like you're an outsider. Right? You know what I mean? You don't? You don't? I'll explain later. Because you're the only one. Everybody else understands, right? You don't? Don't you? If you try to like, you like, you go visit some, you like, try to set up, you like, you find some authority figure, right? And you try to set up an association yourself between that person, you try to prove you're part of that, that authentic tradition, you try to make that clear to people. Isn't the reason why you're doing that because you lack confidence? Trying to prove that you're authentic by associating yourself with an authentic tradition and also like trying to prove it's authentic. And ladies and gentlemen, there are people in our lineage who have brilliantly argued that their way was the authentic way. Our ancestors, our authentic ancestors, spent some of their time proving that their way was authentic.

[16:25]

And of course, everything they say shows that they're insecure, right? These are the people we have for ancestors. In other words, we have human ancestors, smart ones too, who are going around trying to prove that they were authentic heirs to the Buddha Dharma. That's the kind of people we have. And one of them wrote this thing, he just chanted. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you now know what I'm talking about, Sonia? Well, tell me another story. Let's hear another story. This is just a joke. What's your story? happens to be something that seems to ring true in a way. It has a little ring to it. So do you have an alternative story? Well, it has a little ring to it, but... Tell another story. That may clarify it. I know I don't necessarily fully agree with the...

[17:34]

I'm happy to be proving your authenticity by coming close to someone who's in this position. It may be just a meeting of two people or traditions or whatever. And the other piece of it in terms of the Siberian people theater, having people be awakened or open the teachers that wrote these papers, but I can't remember exactly how you said it now. A recording that may be given more than 15 minutes or bigger than life, it may have had some benefit. Oh, yeah. I'm not saying it's not beneficial to... It's sometimes quite beneficial, but let me make clear that I'm not saying that when you go to somebody that you think is authentic, That's, you know, it isn't necessarily that you're going, that that's kind of like a demonstration of your lack of authenticity.

[18:43]

That isn't. But if you go to them, that which you think is authentic, in order to prove your authenticity, that's what I mean. Like, all sentient beings can be authentic to you and you can go visit them all. But if you go to visit them to prove your authenticity, And you try to prove your authenticity and try to explain to people how you're authentic. That's what I mean. You only know that on the inside. We're judging that from the outside. No, I'm talking about from the inside. Isn't that true for me? Isn't that true for you? Isn't that true for you inside when you go to try to prove to yourself or others that you're authentic? Isn't that because you don't believe it? Check it out inside. That's just like in me. When I have confidence in myself, I don't try to prove it to people. Anyway, when people try to prove it, it embarrasses me, especially if a Zen teacher has pictures of himself shaking hands with the Pope or something.

[19:46]

It just embarrasses me. Now, of course, he may not be doing what I think he's doing, but if I was doing that, that's probably why I would be doing it, and I would be embarrassed to have a picture of myself doing that. Actually, I was on TV not too long ago shaking hands with the Pope. Did anybody see me on TV? Nobody saw me? Well, somebody saw me. You didn't see me, but I was on TV. Somebody said, hey, I saw you on TV shaking hands with the Pope. I went to Carmel, the Carmel Mission, and met the Pope there and shook hands with them and stuff. Actually, there is some pictures, yeah. But I was actually on TV, too. And people who watch TV saw me. You people don't watch TV enough. Also, by the way, I'm going to be on TV on Channel 36. I can tell you I'm going to be on there four times next week. But I don't recommend the show. I actually saw a preview of the video and I fell asleep during it.

[20:49]

So you can imagine it must have been pretty bad that I fell asleep watching myself. You know, it was actually quite pleasant. He was a very nice guy. He had a warm handshake. And I thought the whole scene that they set up was very nice. It had basically... It wasn't real like... It wasn't like... What do you call it? It wasn't like... I don't really know about this, but it didn't seem to me like super... superstars, they say? Rock stars? It didn't have that feeling. It had a feeling, a very important feeling, but generally the feeling was a feeling of beneficence. The whole scene had a really good feeling. They really did a nice job. And I really liked the bishops he traveled with. They really had a feeling of practice. It was nice. Oh, that reminds me of another story about the Pope. This is not a true story about the Pope. The one I just told was true. He actually did shake hands with me, and I actually was on TV. But this is not a true story about the Pope.

[21:56]

This is a joke about the Pope. It's a joke. Ready? So it also took place on the same trip when he was in America, except he was going to visit a church in Montana. And the airport was a long ways from the church, so he had to drive in a car. And he was driving, actually, in a Mercedes limousine. And he said, while he was driving a long trip, he said, you know, I actually love to drive, but they don't let me drive anymore. And so the chauffeur said, well, I'll let you drive. Hmm? So he started driving, and he was driving, and he actually started driving faster and faster, and finally he was over the speed limit, and a cop car came up behind him and stopped him. And this particular High Whip Trollman was in training, so his supervisor was there with him, and he came up to the car and asked the Pope for his driver's license and stuff, rolled the window down, and he saw who it was, and he

[23:05]

He just stopped and went back to his car and said to his supervisor, I can't give that guy a ticket. And the supervisor said, why? He said, because he's a very important person. I just can't do it. It doesn't feel right. And the supervisor said, look, you've got to give everybody a non-discriminating ticket. treatment you have to go give him the ticket even if he's a very important person so go back and give him the ticket he went back up and this time he actually wrote out the ticket and ripped it out but he just couldn't give it to so he went back to the car and he said i can't do it he's just you know he's just too important a person and supervisor said well well who is it the And the patrolman said, I don't know who is in the back seat, but the chauffeur is the pope.

[24:11]

So these three treasures, taking refuge in the three treasures, how many people heard that joke before? Did I tell you? Got to be careful with these good jokes because they travel fast. Yes? I didn't say they drove over the speed limit. Actually, I know a Zen teacher that broke speed limit, too. He got a ticket. One Zen teacher got a ticket while giving Thich Nhat Hanh a ride. Yes? Actually, some Zen teachers do get tickets. As a matter of fact, I know a Zen teacher recently got a ticket and went to driving school. I'll tell you about that sometime. So, yes, what's your question? Do you see the difference?

[25:34]

The difference between what and what? Well, we don't want to be sectarian, but yes, that's the difference. That's the difference between a Zen teacher, and not so much a non-Zen teacher, but I would say not a good Zen student. The difference between a good Zen student, a good Zen student is a Zen teacher, kind of, and a not good student is not good students don't admit what they're doing. Good students admit what they're doing. They say, you know, I broke the speed limit. They say, I'm trying to prove that I'm, you know, in with the good guys, or, you know, or I'm making excuses for why I'm late or why I can't give a good lecture. They admit that they're doing that stuff. That's the difference. And the difference between a really good Zen student and a sort of good Zen student is sort of good Zen students admit what they're doing once in a while.

[26:41]

And really good Zen students admit what they're doing all the time. which again, if you're a human being, it means that you're admitting humanness all the time, which means that you're admitting all the time that you are driven by delusion, that you're constantly driven by delusion. An enlightened being is aware of being constantly driven by delusion. And I think some people would be shocked by that. I'm just saying that. Yes? What about making amends? Yeah, well, I think, see, another thing about this, and this is kind of current events now, show and tell, Today we had a little meeting with some Buddhist teachers and we were talking about the consequences of certain kinds of actions.

[27:44]

So I think that kind of like the beginning is to admit it, admit what's happened, like recognize what you did. And we were talking actually about, we have some policy at Zen Center about, for example, teachers not having sexual relationships with students. We have that policy. But we don't have a policy or a process worked out, or if it happens, then what do you do? So part of recognizing our humanness at Zen Center is to have this policy in the first place. We have a policy about this because we have human beings here, human teachers, who when they meet other human beings, they're capable of having sexual feelings, and even capable sometimes of being driven by those feelings. We have that potential here, right? It's actually a possibility, and it's happened in various Zen centers, in various Buddhist centers, that teachers, human teachers, have had these feelings and then acted upon them, and this has happened.

[28:53]

So we have now made a policy because of that, saying that this is not okay and that there will be consequences, but we haven't described the process by which we by which the person makes amends by going through this process. And today, it came up in our discussion that, well, before I say that, I would say that we have gone through a process when there has been infractions of this policy. There have been infractions of this policy, we felt. We've gone through processes about that. But the processes so far mostly have had a feeling, we've heard from both persons directly involved and bystanders, we've heard that there's been a feeling of punishment some air of punishment or judgmentalness in the air, and anger too. And so it came out today that it might help remove the feeling of punishment if there was agreed upon process beforehand, so you wouldn't have to think up what to do.

[29:59]

It was decided beforehand, and we agreed beforehand, this was the process, that this would be a way to make amends without the person being punished. Because, I mean, I'm not saying punishment is never appropriate, but I think the important point is what heals the person and allows them to re-enter the community, you know, healed of that action. What process can they go through so that the transgression... so that the action can be an opportunity for learning. I think we all are doing these human things all the time, and some of them are so strong or so intense or so disturbing that we need to identify a process to handle it. It's not enough just to admit it. Actually, there is a process in every case, but in some cases the process has to be public. Does that make sense? And that's another part of admitting that we're human. First of all, admitting that we're human and we do these things. Second of all, admit that we're human of not being able to admit them.

[31:03]

That's another part of our humanness. And third, even if we admit them, that there's other human beings involved. And because of all that humanness, sometimes even when we admit what we did, we don't admit thoroughly enough. Right? Like that story I tell about me being in a traffic jam, right? You know that story? You don't know that story, Leah? No. I was in a traffic jam one time, and I mean, I was driving into a traffic jam, but I didn't want to get in the traffic jam, so I took a left turn to get out of the traffic jam, and I drove into a worse traffic jam. Okay? And then I said to my wife, I said, that was the stupidest thing I've ever done. And she said, even when you confess you're false, you praise yourself. You understand? Yeah. Nobody laughed that time. Maybe everybody heard it later. So I confessed I did a stupid thing, but actually I said that was the stupidest thing. Whereas actually that wasn't the stupidest thing. I did some other things that were stupider than that.

[32:04]

And I did, actually. That was not the stupidest thing, but I said it was. So I was confessing that I did a stupid thing, but actually I also gave myself a kind of a compliment that I never did anything worse than that in my life. Right? It's like a little compliment in there. And that's why it's good to do it in public, because other people will catch you at that. Sometimes people come and say, I did a really bad thing, and they say, blah-de-blah. And I say, well, it doesn't sound so bad. And then they tell me the rest. Oh, you did that? Oh, my God. Or they say, well, why were you confessing that to me? And they say, well, because of that. Oh, my God. But if they just said it to themselves, the way they said it to me is probably the way they said it to themselves, they would not realize that they left out a major ingredient. Again, this is human, right? Yeah? Well, there's also this thing called penance, right? Penance, yeah. Regret, or what we're calling it...

[33:08]

Well, and then making amends with other people. But then it kind of might be up to taking out a practice associated with that which you regretted. You know what I mean? That is doing something with practice that other people don't know about. But if you take out a personal practice associated with that which you, you know, that you have this thing that you do, the sexual misconduct or whatever. And to take, not only to recognize it, but also to take on a more... Yeah, that's possible. But strictly speaking, I would say the way I'm talking about the word repentance is that's not part of the same process. That's not the repentance. The repentance is more... this realizing Buddhist compassion, feeling forgiven, accepting Buddhist compassion, and to dramatize that process, then if there's some follow-up activity, that's fine too.

[34:15]

But that's not, strictly speaking, what I mean by repentance. I'm trying to identify this separate act, which has an extremely great efficacy all by itself, which might lead you then to do some fantastic thing, some very creative and astoundingly creative moving thing you might do on the basis of your release or your re-entry into the human race or you know the the true the true beings and it might be some something very healing and wonderful that way so um triple treasure is next to take refuge in the triple treasure and um What do I say about this? I'd like to approach it by saying something about... I'm going to bring up a word that I think is going to perhaps

[35:35]

cause a little bit of discomfort, but I'm going to use the word anyway. The word is adoration to adore. I don't know what the... I didn't look that word up. I don't know what the root of adore is. Does anybody know? Anyway, I'll bring up... Suzuki Roshi said... Again, his English, you know, he was experimenting, but he said that adoration of the triple treasure... is really the basis for all the precepts. To love the triple treasure and to adore the triple treasure is the basis for all the precepts, the next three and ten. And I thought, myself, that this kind of adoration is not like adoring yourself.

[36:46]

It's like adoring... It's like adoring just being yourself. It's not loving yourself. It's loving being yourself. which again is very similar to, it's like adoring your repentant self. Which is not adoring you exactly, it's adoring the fact that you're willing to be you. It's adoring the forgiven being. It's adoring the being who is allowed to live. It's adoring allowed to be lived. It's adoring interacting from this place. This is the basis of the precepts. And so I ask, you know, so I just ask you to think about that. And it directly relates to your zazen.

[37:50]

Do you love, do you adore, not yourself, but do you adore yourself being yourself? In other words, do you adore, do you love not moving? This is the basis of these precepts. And this is the relationship between precepts and just sitting. Just sitting the self on the self.

[38:56]

Just sitting you on you. And adoring that, loving that way of, loving that way of life of you being you. And it's interesting the word just The word just, Robert Thurman said that the word he likes to use now for sheila, or you know, ethical precepts, the English word he likes to use is justice. Justice. Just sitting. Justice sitting. And the koan we're studying in the koan class is something like when not producing a single thought, when not producing a single thought.

[39:58]

In other words, you're being yourself and you're not producing a single thought of anything other than that. You're not flinching from being the human being you are in the slightest bit. This is called sometimes wholeheartedness. When not a single thought is produced, when not producing a single thought, wholeheartedness.

[41:10]

The monk says, when not producing a single thought, is there fault or not? When you're just yourself, when you adore you being you, or the fact of you being yourself, can there be a fault there? And Yen Mun says, Mount Sumeru, So adoring the triple treasure. Loving the unmoved you.

[42:12]

Willing to be as ordinary as you are. As ordinary as I am. and even make a theater out of that. Don't just keep it to yourself, folks. I think some of you actually are pretty good at being yourself and love being yourself pretty well. I'm really happy about that, but I would encourage you to theatricalize it, theatricize it, dramatize it. Set up a communication between this and other beings. which reminds me again that I wanted to have some discussion with you sometime about Doksan, how to play Doksan, which is, again, can be a kind of theater of being yourself. So, I'll stop now.

[43:25]

You're welcome.

[43:32]

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