Like I'm sitting now, and like you're sitting now, right at the Dharma gate of repose and bliss, with my back to it, kind of like on a a hill. And looking down from this place, I can see the world. And the world, by the world I mean the place where people are individuals who are doing things.

[01:01]

This is the world. So I have my back to the world of non-action. I have my back to the gate of non-doing. And non-action means right action. I'm looking at the world where people are doing things, and whenever a person does something, whenever an individual person does a thing, that thing they do is evil. Of course, there's relative degrees, but it's evil. It's karma because it's based on the idea of individual self separate from other beings doing something.

[02:10]

So we sit here, I sit here with my back to the gate, and I talk to myself and you in the world who are doing things. One of the things I see people doing is practicing concentration, which is a relatively wholesome activity, but it's still basically a sin if you think you're doing it. Still, if you're going to do something, if you're going to be a sinner, I recommend concentration as a high-quality form of sin. I see people trying to sit still, an individual person, man or woman, trying to sit still.

[03:11]

This is a wholesome kind of karma, but all karma is evil. There's wholesome and unwholesome karma. The wholesome kind of karma is the karma which is conducive to turning around and walking through the gate that's right in your back, to walk through the gate that's behind you and enter the world of non-action, the world of right action, where you don't do things anymore, where you don't think things anymore, where the world thinks through you and the world acts through you. That is the world of where everything is good. Everything is on behalf of all sentient beings. So that's my feeling, my vision of where we sit.

[04:21]

We sit at the gate of Zazen practice and mostly we look at the world. but we hear the words seeping out from the Dharma realm asking us to turn around to reverse the way we think and think backwards. Think the opposite way from what we usually think. The way we usually think is dead thinking. Now we're being asked to practice living thinking. But the funny thing is that to go from living thinking or from dead thinking to living thinking involves a kind of death.

[05:25]

When I go on a trip, especially one that's for a few days or more, I spend time packing, but I also clean the house. And I think Catherine Mansfield said that whenever she prepares for a journey, she prepares as though preparing for death. so that if she never returns, all is in order. So I usually leave my house for those who might find my house when I don't return. If I should die on my trip and people come in to my house to figure out what to do with what's left, everything's in order for them. And they're encouraged that I thought of their hard work

[06:34]

They won't have to take out my garbage. They won't have to wash my dirty clothes. Everything will be ready to give away. So, as we sit here in this world of individual existences, of doing, in order to turn around and take this journey It should be like preparing for death. All should be in order. So you need to put your life in order. You need to put your body and mind in order so that if you should never return, people will know what to do with you. Also, putting yourself in order means you understand the instructions about how to go. So people are coming to talk to me and asking me about the instructions of learning the backward step.

[07:45]

One person said, well... Oh, by the way, of course, the backward step is the same. Learning the backward step is the same as learning or developing this mind which does not alight on anything whatsoever, to find this mind which has no address, looking for clarifying that that mind of the bodhisattva, which doesn't dwell in body or mind, is the same as learning the backward step. Did you understand that? So this person says, well, isn't this mind which has no address here already all the time? And the answer is, yes, it is. That's what you've been reading every morning, isn't it?

[08:55]

It's never apart from one right where one is, right? It's never apart from you. This mind which has no abode is never apart from you. It has no address. It's never apart from you. Because it has no address, that's why you can take it with you everywhere. It doesn't say, hey, wait a minute. Don't go over there. You can take this mind to Chicago with you. You can take this mind to heaven with you. You can take this mind Anyplace. Because it doesn't have an address. It's not a lighting on anything. So everywhere you go, it comes with you. It's always never apart from you. And yet. And yet. Big and yet. the yet and yet of all the suffering in the world, if there is the slightest discrepancy, then the distance between you and this mind is like the distance from heaven and earth.

[10:22]

And all the suffering in the world can fit in there. if the least like or dislike arises, everything is confusion and you lose your mind. Even though this pure, lucid, ungraspable, radiant mind of compassion is not anyplace else but here. It says, the bodhisattva should develop this mind which alights on nothing whatsoever. And she should be established in it. Some of you have glimpsed this mind, have touched this mind, have been encouraged by this mind.

[11:31]

And that's great. At that time, for a moment, well, there you were. And yet, at that point, not even a like or dislike had arisen, and there was no confusion. But then there was a like or a dislike. Then there was a slight reflection So not only do we need to turn around and enter, we need to learn how to chill out there. We need to know how to live there. So we're at the frontiers of this gate. We have our back to it, or we're turning sideways to it, or we're ready to enter.

[12:35]

And I'm with you, ready to enter. I'm drooling slightly to give you previews of this realm of right action, of this realm of no address, where anything is possible for the benefit of all beings, where there's only benefit for beings, because everything's in harmony and ease and perfectly beings are aligned. But I don't want to go in there and get me and you intoxicated before we've done the work of reversing and learning how to walk backwards. So if some... So, at the beginning of the session, I told you about a conversation I had with an 80-year-old man, and I asked him what his ultimate concern was, and he said, I want to help people, or I want to be of help to people.

[13:59]

And I said, how? He said, I don't know. And I didn't stress at that time that... this mind that's wondering how to help beings, this mind of no abode, it is necessary to have that. We must have that. I guess maybe I did. We must have it. So another person said to me, I'm trying to learn. I want to talk about this backward step. So like if I'm sitting and I'm trying to be upright, and then I notice that I have kind of crumpled up and slouched down, in the spirit of not doing, in the spirit of

[15:10]

of non-action, should I just stay crumpled instead of, you know, trying to sit up straight again? And my advice to him was, no, I think it's good to try to sit up straight again. Because, two reasons. One is, if you stay, if you notice that you're crumpled up, If you don't straighten up, then you decide to not straighten up. You decide to stay crumpled for the sake of non-action. This kind of thinking is also action. It's as much action as straightening up. Every posture you take, crumpled or uncrumpled, is an action. If you find yourself in a position and you decide to stay in that position, that's an action. If you change it to another position, that's an action.

[16:15]

Again, as long as you're thinking in terms of I sit up straight or I crumple, they're both actions. So, one is slightly more wholesome than the other. And the reason for that is you can feel your effort probably more by trying to sit up straight than just staying crumpled. And the more vividly you can feel your delusory doing, the more honest you are about yourself. The more accurate you are that you are making an effort. If you're making an effort to do something and you don't know you're making the effort, then you simply don't know what you're doing. If you feel yourself sitting up straight, and even you feel, I'm trying to sit up straight, well, you're right. You're thinking that way. That is the way you're thinking. You can feel, I'm trying, I'm thinking of sitting up straight. I'm making that effort.

[17:17]

And you're clear that is right. But if you think you're not making an effort, you're really in darkness about your activity, because you always... in the world are making an effort. You are, we are effortful beings. We don't take breaks from effort. There aren't lapses in our life. So I recommend he try to sit up straight. The noticing the action of crumpling noticing that action Just noticing that action and that action is the backward step. Sitting up straight and noticing that you think you're sitting up straight. Just noticing that you think that way. So thoroughly just noticing that you think that way that you're just thinking that way.

[18:21]

The fact that you're thinking that way is the backward step. What you're thinking of is not the backward step. But you're thinking of it is the backward step. Our usual way of thinking is I'm here thinking of things. I approach the world and the world is complete, is finished already before I arrive. And I apply my thinking to it. What I think of is a completed world. This is dead thinking. Living thinking is to turn around and look at the activity of thinking, to look at the ability to think.

[19:27]

The ability to think the activity of thinking is not finished. And it is not yours. Your thinking, my thinking, is I'm thinking of that, and that is done. That's already there. I bring myself to the activity of thinking of my body. I bring myself... and I'm thinking on my breath. This is dead thinking. This is the source of our suffering, this kind of thinking. It's ordinary and it's deadly. The activity of thinking itself is not mine. It is the world, the entire world, coming through me and giving me the ability to think of what I say the world is.

[20:33]

But the world is more like my activity of thinking than what I think of. Matter of fact, the world is exactly expressing itself through my ability rather than the object of my ability. The world is not finished when we meet it. So when you look back at your ability to think, you have trouble seeing it because the world is not finished. You're looking not at a finished thing. You're looking at creation when you look at your thinking. You're looking at the world in creation through your mind. But usually we think the external world and even our mind is finished. And we think about our mind as a finished thing.

[21:35]

And we need to reverse this thought and look back at the unfinished mind, which is the unfinished world, which is the mind in creation, which is the world in creation, which is the world of Buddha Dharma, dependently co-arising. If you watch yourself do things, like watch yourself try to sit up straight, right there is that ability, right there is the opportunity to switch, to turn and go in the other direction. this woman who rightly observed that this mind of no abode is always right here.

[22:56]

I don't remember what she said, but I think she said, I think she said, I don't know what she said. I think she said, I want, I want it. I'm not sure if she said that, but I think I thought of hers that she wanted it. Or that she wanted to like drop off body and mind. Dropping off body and mind is this mind of no abode. And dropping off body and mind is never apart from one right where one is either. Actually, your body and minds are dropping off right now every moment. In general, recommendations of the Buddhist tradition are about what's going on already. What's being recommended is what's happening, but what we can't see, because we put ourself over everything and veil the process of indestructible living liberation.

[24:09]

We put a finished coat over the ungraspable and grasp it. And then, of course, after we grasp it, we feel anxious. When I was a little boy, I used to spend some time by myself. I had a really nice room with windows on three sides and a door on the fourth side. and it was a second-story window, and I used to look out the window. I had a good time in there. And I remember one thing I used to do in that room was I used to bite my toys. I have a toy right here right now. Often I would bite my wooden toys, my wooden blocks, wooden trucks,

[25:11]

Often they were painted, and in those days I guess they painted them with lead, so you can see why I turned out this way. Anyway, I used to put them in my mouth and bite them, and bite strong enough to make a dent. I wanted to bite them. It felt good to bite them, to sink my teeth into my toys and have this very deep relationship with them. You ever bite your toys? I would bite them. I felt good. I could feel the shape. I could imagine the shape of my molars and incisors being engraved into the flesh of my toys. It felt good. But then I felt bad. Right afterwards, I felt bad because I had dented my toys. So this is the way it is with our toys. We want to bring the world into the graspable, but then we have a problem after we do that.

[26:23]

Now fortunately they were my toys rather than some other kid's toys, so I didn't have to worry about getting in trouble for it. I had a little brother at that time. By the way, I just want to mention to you for your information while I'm telling you this, to remind you that the going to the place that has no address, the going has no address either. So I'm going to this place with you that has no address, and the way we're going now is like this, you see? This isn't the way you would have expected to be going, right? Listening to some guy talking about biting his toys. This is the way. However, not because it's this way, but the no address part of it's the way. Do you understand?

[27:29]

It's the part that you wouldn't think would be the way that's the way. The part that the way that you think would be the way is not the way. I had a little brother. He was quite a bit younger than me, and I would guess I wasn't very nice to him because he wanted to hurt me. And so one of the ways he wanted to hurt me was instead of biting my toys, which even at an early age, he knew we knew he did not. He knew we knew that he wasn't supposed to bite my toys. So he didn't bite my toys. He devised more clever ways to destroy my toys. And one of the ways he did one was take one of my airplanes and he put it on top of a lamp It was a plastic airplane. So the airplane melted over the lamp bulb. And I came home and saw this beautiful airplane that I had saved up my money to build, to buy, and spend time building, and enjoy the beauty of this beautiful flying machine melted over this bulb.

[28:47]

And I thought, oh, how sad. But this has been destroyed and my poor little brother, you know, he didn't know any better. What can I do? He told me recently, now he's older than some of you, he told me that he knew that it would happen that way. He did it on purpose. And he didn't think I would know that he did it on purpose. So she wanted, she wanted to draw body and mind. She wanted this mind of no abode. And she said, Something like, well, I don't know if that matters or if that counts. And you know what? It does count. Wanting it does count. It counts a lot.

[29:50]

As a matter of fact, it's really important. If you want to, if you want to drop body and mind, it really helps. Because you see, body and mind are already dropping. And if you want them, if you want to be with that, you will be with it. Because it's just your lack of wanting it that's stopping you. Now, your lack of wanting isn't necessarily the form of, I don't want it. No. Although sometimes it's that way. Some people come in and they say, you know, I really don't want to help people. You know, I like Zen, but I don't really want to be enlightened. You know, it's too lofty for me. Poor me. I can't. No, no, not me. No, just if I would be a little nicer, that would be good enough. Even not that. If I could just be happier myself and everybody else was still as miserable, that would be fine with me. People say that kind of stuff. But a lot of times people who want, who, you know, they don't really admit they want to drop body and mind.

[30:53]

Or they actually haven't found that. It's important to find the desire that you'd like your body and mind to drop off, that you'd like to turn around and go back into the realm of non-action, to actually want that. And when you want it all the way, it will be realized. How can you want it and not do it at the same time? Because it's already ceased being done. The mind which has ceased doing it is already here. The main way we manifest our lack of wanting it is by meddling with what's happening. So in the world, we're always trying to meddle with things and interfere with what's going on. So another person came and said, I can't stop meddling.

[31:56]

I don't see any end to the meddling. So in the world, there's no end to meddling. There's no end to melting your brother's airplanes and biting on your toys. There's no end. But if you see that, seeing that is not meddling. Seeing that there's no end to your meddling is not meddling. That's clear vision. Because in fact, in the world there is no end to meddling. There is no end to fiddling and trying to improve. That's the way it looks. And to see it, when you see that, that's pretty good. And when you see that, you also see the one pointed spot of your pain. You can see, always missing, always missing, always missing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or someone said, always sticking my thumb and pulling out a plum.

[33:02]

Stick in the thumb, pull out a plum. Always taking yourself seriously. Always taking yourself seriously. Well, this doesn't seem to be too good. What can I do? I'll do this. Right there, what you're doing is now really important. Oh, yes, well, gee, I'll fix the world now. The world's done. The world's not in flux. No, it's done, and now I'll just fix it, rather than nothing's really happened yet. No, the world's done, and now there it is. That's the point of suffering. If you see that and just see it, And be still with it. And don't say, oh, I'll take it back. I'll fix it and I'll take it back. I'm not supposed to do it. If you try to avoid that, that's the same thing. To try to avoid it or do it, anything you do is not upright. Being upright means, you see, this situation is a setup for suffering. That's it. And if I try to fix it, I'm playing right into it.

[34:08]

So I'll just be very still and quiet. And as it says, because it's unconstructedness and stillness, it looks like it's constructed. But if I be still, maybe I'll turn around and see that it's not constructed and there's no way to tamper with it. If you want to, if you want to be upright, and you want to turn around and realize this mind is already there. All you've got to do is want it all the way. And the show can go on, but you don't meddle with it. The doing is doing, [...] but you're not meddling. The doing, doing, doing, but you're not meddling. The doing, doing, doing, but you're not interfering. doing this, doing that, doing that, not doing this, avoiding this, avoiding that, promoting this, promoting that, leaning this way, leaning that way, back and forward, all that's going on. And it's not even done, but you think it is.

[35:11]

That's what's going on, the upright there. And want to drop the meddling that's going on. I think Banke said to one of his, somebody, he said, Eight out of ten of the monks don't realize it. Why don't they? Because they don't care enough. They aren't serious enough about this. But if you see how you cause this suffering... If you see it clearly over and over and over, your desire to drop this will get stronger. And when the desire is strong, it will drop and you will turn. And you won't do the turning, you'll just stop holding on to the resisting of the turning, and you'll turn around and enter the gate. And you've already done this in many cases.

[36:13]

It's not just entering the gate. Once you get in there, then we have to figure out how to live there without, again, holding on to that. So wanting is helpful and necessary, really. Now I've heard also from some people that there's a self that's worried about what will happen if there's a turning and entering into the realm of Dharma.

[37:51]

And that this self, if this self is not taken care of and honored, the self may actually set up some resistance campaign against learning the backward step. So I think you do well, we do well to honor this self. Bring your hands together and say, I respect you, you're one powerful stud muffin. You're one powerful chickadee. I honor you, boy. This project we're trying to do here, you know, is really important, but, you know, it's like really small scale compared to the power of your establishment. If you would just allow us to, you know, work on it a little bit, we'd really appreciate it. And if there's anything we can do to make you more comfortable while we're temporarily not giving you our full attention...

[39:01]

we'll do anything to make you happy so that we can do this kind of, for us, kind of important work. But really, don't worry. Nothing will ever bring you down. You'll always have our total devotion and you have this tremendous endowment. You don't need to worry. But aside from that, is there anything we can do for you now to make you comfortable while we temporarily turn around and go the other way? I mean, would you like to help by any chance? We'd appreciate it. Like, we have this, for example, would you be interested in harmonizing heaven and earth? Like, would you like to help us sit up straight, for example, and be upright? I mean, would that be interesting to you? No. Okay. What would you like?

[40:05]

I'll think about it." And keep gently asking, you know, what the self would like, what kind of deal you could make so that it would let you just simply pay attention to what's happening. Because the self thinks, you're paying attention to what's happening, what about me? Well, that includes you. Okay, okay. Don't you kind of like it when you sit up straight and kind of be upright there? Doesn't that kind of make you feel, doesn't that, don't you feel pretty good about that? Well, actually, I do. Not that bad. But I don't want to get, like, tense about it and, you know, rigid.

[41:08]

Yeah, that's right. Relax a little bit. Would you like to relax? Yes, relax. So maybe we could just sort of, like, try to give you a little massage here, a little bit between, like, you know, helping you be kind of, like, really here and upright and also kind of relaxed and flexible. So this is kind of like a massage to help you be really your best possible self. How about that? That sounds pretty good. This is called putting things in order, you know, clean up the house. Don't make it too tidy, you know, so they'll come in and think that you were, you know, so compulsive. But just, you know, really nice and neat and fairly clean, but not too much. So balance your, you know, your sense of unmovability, your your immobile presence, your unshakeability, heaven, the firmament that doesn't move.

[42:19]

That's one side. Balance that with earth, which is infinite flexibility and softness. and changeability. Balance those two. Find a way to be relaxed and upright at the same time. Balance them, balance them, balance them. Until you find an uprightness that is really sustainable. Or find a relaxation that has vitality in it. Working back and forth between these. Using your effortful nature in this way. Maybe the self will go along with that. This won't hurt the self at all. This will actually enable the self for whatever good projects she has in mind. It will help. And when we're balanced,

[43:26]

then naturally we open up to this turning, this reversing. When we're balanced, you can see these habits of thought. So when you're sitting, watch the mind that is always messing around with things. And you might be able to notice that the repeated migration through birth and death for endless time is all due to a simple deliberation.

[44:37]

a simple moment of reflection, a simple flinching from what's happening. It's all it takes. This little bit of separation, that little bit of separation that somehow separates our life from this all-pervading put away. Just a little bit of hesitation, little bit of reflection, little bit of meddling, little bit of manipulating, little bit of a little bit of indulging. That's all it takes. If you can see that, then you don't get in there and meddle with that. You don't say, oh, that's the problem.

[45:43]

Well, I just... No. You just see that's the problem. There it is again. There it is again. That's the source of all the problems. And I'm not going to try to stop that because that's the same thing. And I'm not going to applaud for it. It doesn't need it. It's happening. It's happening. There it is. Just leave it alone. And leaving it alone is what it means to stop it. It thrives on being promoted or thwarted. It thrives on liking it or disliking it. But if you can sit on some level and just call the spade a spade and say, there it is, like or dislike this thinking that's going on.

[46:49]

And as soon as you like it or dislike it, you, liking or dislike it, you cover over the fact that this thing, whatever is happening here, is connected to your thinking, which is connected to the whole world. in the first case of the Book of Sovereignty, it says, Manjushri, you know, hits the, strikes his gavel and says, clearly observe. And I looked up that character in Chinese to see what the character was, and I expected to find some character which meant clearly and another character which meant observe.

[48:02]

Well, I found the character that meant... that means observe. The character which is translated observe does mean observe, but the character which was translated as clearly doesn't say clearly. It says resignation or... surrender. So it's just that we observe in such a way that we resign ourselves to what is appearing. We just surrender to what is appearing. We don't mess with it. And what is appearing often is that we're messing with it. But we see how messing with it causes suffering. So just clearly observe.

[49:08]

And also with our own body, clearly observe our body, clearly observe our slouching and our uprightness. Clearly observe our tensions and our relaxations. Clearly observe our effort to be still and our effort to be flexible. Observe all this, and as we observe and observe, the balance comes into place. as we sit at the gate of the Dharma, we sit with our, you could say, our back to the gate, or you could say, as we sit and our back is the gate, your spine is the Dharma gate, and we look out through our usual eyes and we see the world, up like and dislike,

[50:26]

If we just clearly observe that world, we will naturally turn it around and enter. But it's difficult because we think we have some alternative to just clearly observing. And if we think we have an alternative, as I've said over and over, if we think we have an alternative to this world, will just complain. If you give up thinking in terms of alternatives to what's happening, you will go straight forward and enter the gate. this entering is very close because the world that's entered is right here.

[51:34]

It's not some other place. We have to somehow let go of this little bit of deliberation. We have to let go of this little distinction We have to just let things be just like they are. And then this world of dropped-off body and mind naturally expresses itself right here. So we're in the middle of this session. If you can somehow just find your settled place, each of us in our own suffering, If you can get to the place you are and sit there and not reflect or deliberate or mess around at all, even while you're reflecting and doing all this stuff, if you can find the mind which does not get caught by this, you can actually have a taste of vision and enter.

[52:59]

But you have to give yourself completely to this. If you hold back a little, that's enough to block you. As you read at the beginning, before Buddha was enlightened, he was just like us.

[54:06]

So the problems that you have right now are just exactly the problems that Buddha had. Don't complain about your problems. You have great problems. You have wonderful problems, just like Buddha had. The pains you have are exactly the pains that Buddha had. Don't be a heretic and think that you've got different problems from Buddha and that you should have worse problems or better problems. You have wonderful problems if you can just resign yourself to them completely.

[55:12]

Clearly observe the acquiescent mind, which acquiesces simply to what's happening. Thank you.

[56:58]

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