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Embracing Oneness, Transcending Separation

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The talk explores the Zen concept of "just this person," emphasizing the inherent contradiction in recognizing oneself as both identical to and separate from others. It discusses the responsibility of acknowledging this contradiction and the illusion of separation, which is fundamental to human experience and suffering. By embracing one's true nature and admitting one's attachments and separations, individuals can achieve liberation and tap into their intrinsic, interconnected existence with all beings, akin to the natural world.

  • "Cloudy Cliff and Good Servant": A reference to Zen masters who embody the teaching of "just this person," encouraging practitioners to look within themselves to understand ancestral teachings.
  • Tang Dynasty: Historical context for the Zen teaching lineage mentioned, highlighting the long-standing tradition and its timeless relevance.
  • Annie Dillard's Poem: The poem is equated to the teaching of "just this person," illustrating the practice of reverence for each moment.
  • Shakespearean Adage: "Blessed are the uses of adversity" is cited to suggest that life's challenges are instructional, guiding individuals toward self-realization and responsibility.

AI Suggested Title: Embracing Oneness, Transcending Separation

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Side: A
Speaker: Tenshin Anderson
Location: Green Gulch Farm
Possible Title: Sun. Lecture
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Transcript: 

of wherever I go, I meet him. And he is no other than me. And yet, he is not me. It isn't that he or she becomes me. She's never me. And she is me. There must be this contradiction. for us." When the teacher said, just this person, and the student started thinking, he said, now that you've assumed responsibility, and in Chinese the expression you have assumed responsibility is an idiom which is used for a criminal who has admitted the crime and has taken full responsibility for it?

[01:06]

Can I, can you take full responsibility for your error? Not a mistake, necessarily. An error in the sense that you didn't accidentally do it. You do it on purpose all the time. You think you're not all other beings. You think you're an isolated person. And you feel bad about it. And you can't stop it. You can't stop doing that. In this way, we are incorrigible. We cannot stop this tendency to separate ourselves from other beings. And it is irrevocably painful to do so.

[02:23]

However, we can, like the Zen ancestors, we can assume responsibility for this action, for this way of thinking, which is the source and the base of all action. Now that you've assumed responsibility, And I didn't say it, but he actually said, now that you've assumed responsibility for the great matter, this is the great matter, this error, this way of thinking, which is the basis of eternal, cyclic, repetition of birth and death and misery. Now that you've assumed responsibility for the great matter, be very careful

[03:32]

Assuming this responsibility is nothing is more difficult and no responsibility is more available to you. It's a responsibility which is always available to you. Every moment this responsibility is offered. And it is I think, in a sense, the most difficult responsibility to assume. It requires, excuse me for saying so, unconditional surrender of all worldly activity. Including the worldly activity of not being a worldly person, of trying not to be worldly. Being willing to be a worldly person is surrender of worldliness.

[05:04]

Being willing to be petty is grand beyond anything I can say. Being willing to be thoroughly petty but not thoroughly petty in a general way or a theoretical way, but in a specific current way, the way it is now. This man that just walked out, the way I felt about him leaving, as I feel it now, for me to be willing to be that person, If I say that this is my faith, if I say that my faith is just this person, what I mean by that is my ultimate concern

[06:52]

is this teaching. It's my ultimate concern. And it makes a demand on me, which I mentioned earlier. It demands that I give up everything else but that. And when I think about giving everything else up But being a limited person, I feel simultaneously goosebumps. Some little thoughts arise of, can I really, am I really up to it? Really up to all that's involved there? But still I say, this is my faith.

[07:58]

This is my ultimate concern. And this is my way of meeting the other and realizing that it is no other than myself and that it's not me. There may be some other way to practice Buddhism. I don't say there isn't, but I'm presenting this way, which is my understanding of the way of Cloudy Cliff and Good Servant.

[09:17]

And this is the essential quality, the essential aspect of their practice. This is the one thing that Cloudy Cliff told his student to tell people about him. But you notice that when people would ask, good servant, what was your teacher like? He would say, just this person. In other words, he would tell the person who's asking him about his teacher to look at himself. He would turn the person back on themselves to find out who Cloudy Cliff was. The place you find, the place you learn about the Buddha ancestors is just this person. It isn't that you look at them It's that you look at yourself to meet them.

[10:38]

That's the kind of tradition it is. And if you really look at yourself completely, you have entered their tradition. Because that's what they all did. And the great teachers did it pretty much all day long. They were able to learn so that whatever they met, they could say, they could understand, this is me I'm meeting. And they could feel the anxiety which we feel before we realize that we're meeting ourself when we meet another. And they could settle with being the person who feels that anxiety at thinking that someone's other than themselves.

[11:43]

And in the fullness of that, they realized that that's not true. In other words, they realize that what they see is not true. But it is true that they see what's not true. And it is true that they feel uncomfortable with the fact that they're deluded. But by the teaching of just this person, you can be completely and specifically as deluded as you are. And this will be the end of your suffering and the realization that every person in the world realizes you realizes your way, realizes your meditation practice.

[12:46]

Your meditation practice is therefore totally out of control and perfectly realized every moment. When I say your meditation practice, I mean your meditation practice as a Buddha. Buddha's meditation practice is realized by all living beings. My personal meditation practice may be thwarted, frustrated, and confused by the behavior of other people. they might come up to me and say, would you please stop sitting? Would you please wash the dishes instead? You're not sitting so well. They may say various things like that.

[13:52]

Or they may say, oh, you're great. So I... I guess you understood what I said. But I wouldn't be surprised if you can hardly believe it or have some trouble with it. I have trouble with it, too. My main trouble with it is practicing it. But when it's practiced, and again, it's a practice that I don't do, right? I can't do my practice, which is all of you. But it does happen, and it happens when I'm willing to be me who thinks I'm not you.

[14:54]

That's my part of the job. And your part of my meditation practice is to be you, which you're doing perfectly. You do that better than I do my part. And most of us are doing our part for you better than you're doing your part for yourself, probably. So assume responsibility for just this person. And then we'll see what your song will be, what your poem will be. You could just copy his if you want to. That's okay, actually. And then you can just sort of like, it's part of the tradition, and you can just do a little thing at the end, some comment of your own on the end, and that's okay. Okay. The story of a good servant goes on and on.

[16:18]

He continued then to tell people about his teacher. So like when he would do a memorial service for his teacher after his teacher died, people would say, well, what was he like? In the first story, when I told you, he said to his teacher, many years from now, when people ask me about you, many years from now means after you're dead and they can't come and talk to you themselves, and they ask me about you, what should I say your teaching was? So then after he died, people did come and ask him what his teaching was, and he told them his teaching was just this person. He told them. So he was doing a memorial service and the people said, well, who is this guy?

[17:22]

He put a picture, a painting of this teacher up on the wall for the memorial service and the monk said, who is he? What was his teaching? And he said, just this person. And the monk said to him, when he said that, Was it actually this? Did you get that? He's doing a memorial service. A good servant is doing a memorial service for Cloudy Cliff. He puts a picture up, and he tells the monks that his teaching was just this person. And then the monk says, when he said... just this person, was it actually this? And a good servant said, it was.

[18:28]

It was. When Cloudy Cliff said to Good Servant in the Tang Dynasty in China, just this person, was that actually this? It was. What they were talking about 1,500 years ago is this person right here. How do we realize this?

[19:29]

Just this person. And then the monk said to good servant, I wonder if the former master actually knew reality. And good servant said, oh, excuse me, I got it wrong. The monk said, what did he mean? And good servant said, at that time, I nearly misunderstood my teacher's intent And then the monk said, I wonder if the former teacher actually knew reality. Zen.

[20:40]

practitioners, the ones who have completed the way, completed the study, the ones we call Buddhas, they don't know reality. They don't know reality. Mountain cats and wild buffaloes know reality. What do they know? Just this person. And that's just a delusion. To surrender everything means surrender being any better than them.

[21:43]

which may not sound too bad, but it comes down to being no better than yourself and being no other than yourself. And if you can realize that you're no other than yourself, you'll realize that you're no other than her. And wherever you go, you'll meet him. And the kind of person I am is that, you know, I want to say, and you know what?

[23:24]

I'm not kidding. And you know what? I'm kidding. I mean, that's really the way I am. Maybe you're that way, too. Check it out. Question and answer. Why does a buffalo know reality? And yet a person who realizes just this person does not know reality and is deluded. That's what you said. So I was curious why a person who realizes just this person, why isn't that knowing reality?

[24:32]

And how is it that a buffalo knows reality and they can't know reality? That's what I heard. Well, a buffalo can know reality, but I can't know reality. And I want to be like a buffalo. You want to be like a buffalo? Well, I want to have the same rights as a buffalo. I'm seeking the other. Look, if you want the rights of a buffalo, you have to be a buffalo. Set the price of having the rights of a buffalo is to be a buffalo. Are you willing to be a buffalo? No. Okay, forget it. Well, why can't a person know reality and just a buffalo or a cat? Well, because, well, look at how buffaloes are. How do they know reality? How do they do it? Through their senses. Oh. And their biological function?

[25:35]

Yeah, that's right. They know reality by digesting grass. So that's how you can know reality, too. However, human beings think that knowing reality is something different than digesting grass. Don't they? People think that Human beings generally think that knowing reality is like something you can think of. Like, you know, I see you over there as an object and I know what you are. That's my delusion. Instead of, I see you as an object. Yeah, I see you as an object. I don't think that's reality. I just see you as an object. And maybe not only that, but I think that object is external to a self over here. That's something I'm into. But that's not reality. There's some truth to the fact that I'm involved in that process of illusion. And as I admit my processes of illusion, I understand reality.

[26:42]

Reality is not something that can be known. So a being that doesn't have the ability to know things knows reality. We have the ability to know things and we confuse what we know with reality. How does a buffalo see her? Hmm? How does a buffalo see her? Probably somewhat like I do except a buffalo doesn't think that that she is a separate self from her. Buffalo doesn't say I'm here and Beverly or Deborah is external to me. They don't have the concept of the objects of their perceptions being external. We do. You sure? I'm not sure. Huh? How do we know that? Well, even if we do know it, again, it's just, again, more delusion.

[27:46]

All right? It's not a reality. But one of the ways we can tell it is that... they don't seem to act like human beings. That's the main way we guess. And some animals approach, the more animals approach human beings, the more we would guess that they're starting to develop the rudiments of imagining that the objects of their perceptions are external to themselves. So most, the normal human being can imagine, for example, that their death is external to themselves. And that's how their self is born. by thinking of the death of the self, without being able to be aware of the end of yourself, of a place where you stop, where your life stops and your death starts. Without that kind of awareness, we don't have self-awareness. But we do have that awareness, so we do have self-awareness. I don't think other animals, except a rare one, have that sense of their own death.

[28:49]

However, they do see objects, and when things come towards them, they orient and move into a relationship to them, just like we do. But I don't think they think, this is external to myself, and when they see each other die, I don't think they think that this is going to happen to me, and therefore a sense of self would arise if they thought of that. So human beings have a kind of contradictory nature that's different from animals. We have this contradictory nature in the sense that our self is born from what is not our self. Our life is born, our self-life, the life of ourself is born from the death of ourself. That's the way we work psychologically, psychically. And nobody can know truth as an object. Truth is not an object. How about as an experience? Experiences, the way I use the word experience, is if it's in terms of something you know, then it's objective. But if you're talking about it, we do have some experience which you might call direct experience.

[29:52]

And direct experience can be without it being an object. But if it's not an object, an external object, you can't know it. So we do have direct experience of reality, but we don't know it. Yeah. I don't know if what you said is true. I mean, I... You don't have to. I don't either. I mean, you're just their mouthful. I don't know if that's true, that a buffalo dying. Next to a baby buffalo. I mean, I don't know that, first of all, it doesn't matter if it's true. I don't know that I believe it. I believe that they do know when they're dying. And I do believe they have a different way of perceiving and experiencing, obviously, than people do. But people also have this animal inside them. that understands and feels and senses kinesthetically and in a body way, and it informs them, and many people are informed in many, many ways besides this thinking stuff.

[31:02]

And so I am a buffalo, and I don't want their rights, but I mean, I don't want my rights either. I mean, it isn't a matter of rights. It's a matter of... Being an animal, being present, being who you are. You said a mouthful. Okay, I'll say what I have to say again, okay? First of all, there are rights. People have rights. Buffaloes have rights. And if you want buffalo rights, you have to be a buffalo. That's all I'm saying. And to be a buffalo, you have to give up your human rights. I think that we do have, there is a realm of our life where we have direct experience, we're just like an animal, we feel things, we smell things, we touch things, we know, but not as an object. I think animals do die, they die very nicely, but what I'm saying to you is I don't think animals think of their death as something external to them.

[32:08]

When they're dying, they just die. We also, when we die, just die. However, and that is not a limited self way of dying. But when we die and make our death an object, which we can do with our psychic equipment, that's what I say animals, I don't think they do. And therefore they don't have the problems which arise when you make your death an object. But also, if you don't make your death an object, you don't have a sense of self. How can you think of death as an external thing? It's inside? I mean, this is what... You don't know how to do that? It's... It's quite easy for me. I just think of... Just like I think of you as an external thing, I think of death as an external thing. But thinking of death as an external thing is a particularly prominent causal event in creating a sense of self.

[33:11]

Like when your baby looks at the mother and doesn't think the mother's other than itself, then there's no self. If you think the same way as death, then there's no death. There's no death. Well, it's not that there's no death, no. It's not that there's no death. There is death. There is mother. But when mother becomes external, then there's a self. When death becomes external, then there's a self. And there is a level of functioning which is still going on in us, but we do not think mother is external. Or we do not think father is external, or we do not think death is external. This is going on right now. This is like a buffalo. But we have also developed, in our own personal development and also as human species, the ability to think that death is an external thing. to think that truth is an external thing, to think that mother and father are external things, to think that lover and child are external things, and these are the ways we make a self. And that's the nature of our contradictory form of existence, because we are exactly what is made by what isn't us.

[34:20]

We are completely identical to what we think is not us. That's the nature of human beings, whereas animals don't go through that particular thing. so they don't have the problems we have of having a self, that's all I'm saying. But we also have within us this earlier, more primal level of psychic life where we relate to objects but we don't think they're outside of ourselves. We reach out and touch something and we think we're touching ourself. but we don't think we're touching our self because there's no self there because self is born of what's not self. And in that level there's no not self, there's no other, there's no external. There's objects but they're not external. So, you're right, we do have that level of functioning and that's very important to us. It's most of what we're up to. However, That level of functioning is in a state of wounded separation from this level of functioning where we think things are objects.

[35:25]

And the way to renew or achieve reunion, I propose, is by admitting that in this one realm we are stuck with this self-other thing. That's painful, and if you can accept that pain and notice that function, you can achieve reunion with the buffalo. But you have to give up everything and just concentrate not on human activity anymore, but on admitting that you're human. And then you'll get buffalo rights. And then you will realize the truth with your digestive process. You will realize the truth with your breathing process. You will realize the truth with your circulation process. You'll be just like the mountains and the rivers and the wildcats and the buffaloes. And right now you're already doing that. It's already happening. And you would realize it if you would just simply, completely

[36:27]

embrace your own eternal death. Then you realize you're already living this eternal life which has no beginning and end, which, you know, it is literally infinite. Life is really infinite. It doesn't have limits. But because we can think of death as something outside of ourselves, we make a limited self. We have to admit that we do this. That's another big mouthful. Can I ask you how you, when you say, I see that person as an object, are you, is your experience one of thinking, seeing, or is it one of... The way I get to be Rev is partly by not being Carla. Yeah. By making you external to me and making him external to me and her external to me.

[37:32]

That's the way I get to be this limited person. But do you do that by thinking or by perceiving? Thinking and perceiving, yes. That's what I mean by thinking and that's also perceiving. And it's basically built into our... It's genetic to do that. And people who can't do that because of some genetic variation can't relate to other human beings because they don't have a sense of self like the rest of us. And they yearn to develop that sense of self, which is our problem. But we have to admit that problem in order to be liberated from it. We have to admit just this person. And freedom, when you get free, you don't... you get your animal rights, which are already there. You have to give up your human rights in order to get your animal rights.

[38:38]

But you don't lose your human rights, you just give them up. And giving up human rights means you give up the right to think that you can be somebody other than yourself. Human rights, by being human you have the right to think you're not yourself. that's what human beings naturally inherit, this ability to think they're something other than themselves. In other words, we get to think that we're a limited person, which is not true, but we can think that because we're human. We can think we're separate from our mother. We can think we're separate from the earth. We can think we're separate from the sky. We can think that. This is what you get for being a human being. It's kind of a neat deal. You can think you're separate from your death. You can think that your life is limited and goes up and stops at death rather than life totally includes death. You can think that way. This is human right. You have to give up that. Not to stop thinking that way, but give it up.

[39:41]

And give it up means rather than just indulge yourself in that kind of thinking, to turn around and look at it and admit it and assume responsibility for it. That's called giving up your rights. But then you get to be liberated from a human being, and then you can really be a human being and eat your cake and have it too. Yes? Yeah, I had a question about your notion of error, which was, I think, purposefully deluding myself that we're all individual, separate things. And it seems to me that that's partly cultural. We learn from our culture that other cultures don't have that kind of responsibility. And then it gets hard for me to see that I'm fully responsible for that. That I'm only responsible once a crisis happens or something happens. And usually, and I'm seeing it as being kind of random. things kind of happen to me, and bang, I see it. And then once I see that that's not true, then I'm responsible for it, but not as a child, you know, day one.

[40:53]

I wanted to know, um, maybe some more clarification from you about that. Um... Are people from different cultures equally responsible? What I'm saying is that whatever culture you're from, the point is to be, to assume responsibility for whatever it is that you are up to as a limited being. If you find a human being that doesn't think in terms of herself as a limited being, well, I say, you know, fine, what's the problem then? This person doesn't have a problem. But I also think this is not any human being I've ever heard about. But if, you know, I'm mostly concerned with the mass of people that I've heard about who do go around thinking that they're isolated beings who have independent existence of other creatures. that seems to be most people I run into, I'm sort of like, got plenty to do to work with these people.

[41:55]

If there's some other people who don't, well, do they have any problems? I doubt it. Fine. Then they're, you know, enjoy. Just like buffaloes or whatever, they're having a nice time. I'm just saying, whatever the thing is you're up to by which you make yourself a limited person, however you do that, Whatever cultural training even... I think it is true that different cultures train people to do the self-other thing differently. That the self... The thing is, there isn't really a self. It's, you know, it's a culturally determined and biologically determined. It's biologically determined in the sense that we have the equipment to imagine external objects. It's culturally determined in terms of how we make gender differences and class differences and racial differences, all that sense of self about I'm into this kind of thing, but I'm not into that kind of thing. This kind of thing is me. This kind of thing is not me. All that stuff is culturally determined. And that's all more and more reason why the self is not a real thing. Because it's made up by this mental gymnastics thing.

[43:00]

The point is, however you make it up, even though you're trained by your culture, however you make it up, you need to assume responsibility for this crime. And it's mainly a crime against yourself. Even before you're left? No, you cannot take responsibility before you're aware. That's the point. That's why I said, it's not like a... I'm telling you this, but I don't mean that the actual practice is not like to theoretically take responsibility. Or generally, or on the average... is to take responsibility specifically for what you're up to right now and how you make the self or how you use your culture, how you have used your culture and continue to use your culture to make your sense of self. And if your culture changes or you move to another culture and live there for a while and things start moving around, you learn other languages, your sense of self will change. Self is not an immutable thing. That's the point, but we think it is. But if you watch how you make it, you'll learn it is not an immutable thing. Actually, it's what I don't think is me, mostly.

[44:03]

And also, it's not what I don't think is me. It's in this fantastically dynamic, interactive place that it's born. Therefore, it's identical to what it isn't. The more you realize and become conscious of how you make it, the more you realize how it's made. The more you realize how you make it and how it's made, the more you realize how completely contradictory it is that it exists by itself. And the more you realize how contradictory it is, the more you understand what it really is. Once you understand what the self is, you are simply free. Our bondage, our misery, is because we don't understand what our self is, which is the same as saying we don't understand what life is. Because self is made out of death. The primary cause of our sense of our self is our own death. When you learn to embrace your death, you start to realize your life. And your death is easy to find.

[45:07]

It's all over the place. Yes? Yes. All right. Did you say the role of attachment? The role of attachment is that attachment is one of the main things that we have to assume responsibility for. Being attached to the self, being attached to life, trying to get something out of life, trying to make something out of life. All this is stuff we're into. It's a radical change in our whole way of being to instead of just like acting from our attachment to life and acting from our attachment to self, to turn around and start admitting that you're attached.

[46:10]

Admitting that you're attached is not attachment. It's simply honesty. It's simply putting into practice just this person. Just this person does not mean you try to, you go to this person who has attachments and you try to take the attachments away from that person. That's not just this person. That's this person who now somebody's trying to do some kind of operation on. Just this person is what this person is, who has attachment A, B, and C. Just attachment A, B, and C. To turn around and just take responsibility for this person having these various attachments is called assuming your responsibility. And that's the job of a Buddha, is to assume responsibility for attachments, for delusions. And yet to be very careful to just assume responsibility, not assume responsibility with some other agenda trying to get rid of them. Or if you have the agenda to try to get rid of, realize that's another attachment and just assume responsibility for that.

[47:11]

To be very careful and observant and be able to keep coming up on top of what you're up to and say, okay, I'm doing this. This person, this person, this person. I think I'm moving my hand. I do. I think I'm talking. It's not like that. What I mean by faith is... the fact of the way you are, to be that way, the fact that you embrace your true contradictory human nature, the fact of you embracing the way you think, the fact of your completely being the way you are, that you're willing to thoroughly take credit for your own being. That's what I would call faith. Etymologically, faith does mean hospitality, hospitable, like a welcoming.

[48:12]

Yeah, more like that, rather than like, what you're talking about is a belief. You actually used the word belief. I'm not saying belief. And I remember that, what's that movie, that famous movie, Miracle, I think Miracle of 42nd Street about Santa Claus. I remember this one scene where this lovely mother said to the kid something about, well, you know, what we don't know about, you know, what we sort of have a feeling for, that's faith. This is not, that's not, that's a belief. I'm talking about faith. Faith is a fact. Faith is what you're ultimately concerned with. Your ultimate concern. What is your ultimate concern? My ultimate concern is just this person. That's what I mean by faith. Nothing to do with something I don't know about or anything. It's what you put, finally, your bet down on.

[49:16]

Well, then maybe, I mean, I didn't finish the question, but maybe that answers the question. Because the question was, how is it that you feel so much fear and anxiety in pursuing that, you know, that you leave? I mean, maybe if you pursue that faith, then that fear is not there. I think that I'm... Maybe I wasn't clear about that, but this anxiety... is I think it's not, I confuse anxiety with maybe a sign that I shouldn't be doing this work, rather than that anxiety would probably still be there while I'm doing this work. Because the anxiety is coming from me thinking of myself, I'm by myself, and the anxiety will also come from me thinking that I can do this work. So I think of trying to do the work of taking responsibility, but I can't even do that by myself.

[50:19]

But I think I can, and then I feel anxious about that, because the same anxiety I feel about being a separate person, I'll feel about trying to willfully do the practice. But the faith is being anxious person. It's just the fact of being an anxious person is the faith. That some part of you is not trying to, not at all wincing, not at all shrinking away from, not getting ahead of this person who's anxious. And this person should be anxious because this person is living in a, what do you say, house of cards. So it makes sense that she would be quite anxious. This person is living also on the verge of entering a world where she will be him and he won't be her.

[51:25]

And she'll be walking alone and meeting the other all the time. This is the world you're coming up to meet as you realize your faith in this person. Not in this person, actually, but in the teaching of just this person. The teaching of just this person is not the faith in this person. It's the faith of the teaching that being able to take responsibility for being a human being liberates you from being a human being. And it sounds like faith in that teaching, but it's not faith in that teaching. The faith is really to be that person. And that's the faith of that teaching. That's the faith of the people, of the beings who have done that practice and been liberated from this person by being willing to be this person. And live in the world where they're not just, where they're actually speaking from, it's not from their experience, it just, it comes out of their nature that they say, everywhere I go, I meet him.

[52:31]

She is not me. I am no other than her. This is just, there's no external thing that they're referring to to get this from. It just comes out of their mouth. It comes from your earlier level of biological development where you don't see things as objects and comes up through the mouth of a person who can think in terms of objects. Yes? Thank you for Yes. Yes. Do you remember, Arnie, we were going to use that as an example of what you were saying? Yeah, I was going to say, well, for example, I didn't plan on this beeper going, okay?

[53:36]

This is not something I expected to have to deal with. But now, to sort of like turn and include it in my talk, then I'm using it. I'm using it and I'm also using an example of exactly what it is to turn towards something that might be considered a distraction and to include it in what you're concerned with. In other words, my idea, my limited self, is somebody who wants to go to a lecture and give a talk and hope there isn't going to be a lot of beepers and people aren't going to stand up and start screaming at me and people aren't going to say, don't give the talk you're going to give. There's millions of things that might happen And if I thought about them, I might be anxious because I'm thinking of myself in terms of a limited person who has a limited agenda for my life, for my talk. There's many other things, too, I could worry about that might happen on that occasion. But those are the things that a limited person worries about, and a limited person's always worried about something like that.

[54:44]

But that's not who I really am. Who I really am is the one who smiles very nicely if everybody does completely what I'm not expecting. That's the self which includes whatever the people would do. If I come in and I give a talk and everybody hates it and thinks it's totally discouraging and, you know, there's a self that includes that. And that self will be revealed to me through feeling bad about giving a lecture that everybody has problems with. To see how it feels to me when they tell me, you know, that really was discouraging and confusing what you said. You know, you really were arrogant and you don't know what you're talking about and you're contradicting yourself. When they say that to me, I feel some way. I feel like, you know, oh, that's too bad, or oh, what have I done, or maybe, you know, you don't know what you're talking about, or... I feel all these ways and have all these thoughts when I get this criticism.

[55:49]

Okay? And what I'm saying is, for me to use that criticism, the self that uses that, that grows on that, is the self which is a contradictory self, which is a self that's not other than this criticism of it. And that's the self that comes to us through admitting the one who feels that he's being bothered by something outside. And it feels a certain way, specifically. That dynamic, that actually is our life. That's the way we are living right now. We're being bothered by everybody all day long. And we're worried all day long about how is this interaction going and what are they going to do next, you know? And now I'm popular, but you could turn any minute. Suddenly the people are praising me could be the people who are... Yes?

[56:56]

Are you saying that... See, I didn't expect this. Are you saying that... that we reference it to this on here, right? Yes. That actually everything is just yourself. Am I saying that? I mean, is that what you... I'm saying that what I'm recommending is a constant... I'm recommending... I'm not saying everything is yourself because everything isn't yourself. Okay? Everything is yourself and everything isn't yourself. That's what I'm saying. Okay? I understand. What I'm saying is... I'm recommending a meditation on realizing that what isn't you is you. Yeah, that you meditate on that. That you become aware and concentrated on realizing that everything that comes to you is just yourself.

[57:57]

That's what I meant. Yeah. That's what I'm recommending? That's what you mean? Let's do it. So I depend on you people to raise your hands, you know, because that's how I find out about who I am, yes? I'm confused now. I was just going to say that I'm not a wild buffalo, a wild buffalo, but now saying that I'm not a wild buffalo, And I want to look that way. And also, I'm going to admit that I am attached to seeking reality. And I'm a little confused about the word thinking. I keep trying to translate that word think into create or imagine. And when I hear alternate group think, feel, and think, I know that when I am meditating, I'm a beginner in Zen, but I've been meditating in other ways for myself, but I feel something that's very different than when I think something.

[59:12]

And I'm wondering if in Zen it's that way also, because often when I feel, I feel something here, It's more based in reality and what I've created in it. Does that help up with this? I heard you ask kind of three types of questions, okay? So do you want me to deal with them one by one? Sure. Okay. First, I heard you talk about, you know, something about being or not being a buffalo. Okay. So, I think you said something like that you're thinking that you weren't a water buffalo. I just comment on that this whole thing, we are not separate. Yeah. I am others and others are me. You said that. Yes. And... It's about buffalo being different than myself, but we are all connected.

[60:14]

Right. So, you sound like you're confused about it, is that what you're saying? You're not sure anymore whether you're a water buffalo or not? Okay, so, I'm not going to tell you that you're not a water buffalo. I'm not going to say that, but in a sense, you're not. But if you weren't, why would we be talking about this? You know? Yeah. Why would we be talking about that we're not water buffaloes? Unless somehow there's some relationship between us and water buffaloes. Water buffaloes are part of what we use to create a sense of, what's your name? Zephyr. Zephyr. Water buffaloes is the way you use, is one of the ways you use to figure out who you are. You're, you know, so you can't really think, huh? Yeah, it's part of the way you're finding out who you are. But you're not exactly a water buffalo, though. So it's not really other than you when you're talking about it.

[61:17]

Anything you're thinking about is part of what makes you, and yet it's not you. You have to admit that, too. You don't think you're a water buffalo. On some level, you don't think so, right? But you're all kind of tangled up with this water buffalo now. So, same with your death. You're not your death, of course, but you wouldn't be you if it weren't for the death of you. So it's a very dynamic relationship we have with all living beings, that we are them and we're not, that we're created by them, but once we're created, we're separate. But once we're separate, then we realize that we're born of them. So then we're not separate. It's a contradiction. We start gradually to settle into the kind of person we really are, which is a contradictory being, a being that really functions in a contradictory way. And that makes us a little uneasy, but actually...

[62:23]

That will make you eventually much more comfortable in this way of not being a contradictory being, of being, okay, I'm just Zephyr, that's it, I'm not that, let me go. Also saying you are the water buffalo is not going to work either. So being the water buffalo or not being the water buffalo, either one of those isn't going to work. You have to get where both of them are dancing. And that's kind of uncomfortable as you enter into that space, but once you get there, there's peace of mind there. In that contradictory being, in taking responsibility for your contradictory nature, there is peace of mind there. But the selfish person can't hang out there by herself anymore. However, if you try to get rid of that selfish person, you'll never be able to get into that space. It's only by admitting your desiring, selfish, clinging person that you enter into the dynamic where that person is totally free. That's the first part of your question. Next part was... Well, let's go to the last part, the part about the thinking and the feeling.

[63:31]

Both thinking and feeling are rational functions. They both operate in the realm of subject-object. There are irrational functions also, like sensations, an irrational function. And intuition is an irrational function. Intuition comes without being able to explain. You just know something, but you can't explain how. And sensation also is not a rational process. But feeling and thinking are related in the sense of they're rational processes, but they're different access to rational process. They're different aspects of it. And some people have easier access through feeling dimension and others through thinking. But they both operate in the realm of subject and object. We have feelings for other people. And part of the reason why we have feelings for them is because we think they're separate. And we have a feeling, when we get into that separateness, our basic feeling about that is we have, it's uncomfortable.

[64:35]

Now, sometimes as the separation is being moved in a certain way, as the separation becomes sometimes of a certain valence or a certain distance or a certain quality, sometimes we get a positive feeling for that separation. Because, I don't know, we feel like maybe it's going to end or something, or... And we calculate that this is a... We like this separation. But we're making, anyway, evaluations about the separation between ourselves and others all the time. And we come up with that they're painful or pleasurable. Or we're not sure. But actually that whole realm of calculating the distance between ourselves and other beings is basically annoying. It's basically disturbing us, disturbing our real calm. And the real calm is in the realm where you can't really establish this separation. And there, where the separation can't be established, then there's no more calculations about whether we like this distance or not.

[65:42]

Then there's no more disturbance by the objects. Then things that happen don't knock us off our feet. Then the people we meet don't disturb us. And in fact, again, this level of interaction is going on right now. There's some level where we're not being disturbed by the people we meet. Or they're not bothering us. They're not intruding upon us. We're not gaining anything from the interaction. We're not losing anything from the interaction. We are simply, our life is simply this interaction. So we are both a person on one side of the interaction and we are a person who is not other than from the interaction. We're both of those things because they wouldn't be able to be in interaction if there wasn't two sides. So we're both one side of the relationship and we're nothing other than the relationship. We walk by ourselves all the time through this world all alone and wherever we go we meet this relationship. It's nothing other than myself and yet it's not me.

[66:48]

But the painful entry into this relationship is to feel what it's like to be over on one side of it and to be always calculating whether we like what's going on or not. And sometimes we calculate it as pleasant, sometimes we calculate it as unpleasant. But no matter what's going on, as long as we're calculating, we're disturbed, we're scared on some level. But on some level, we're not calculating. We're too stupid to calculate. We're just life. Yeah. I don't think there needs to be a contradiction. I don't relate so to the water buffalo, but there's some trees and birds and so forth that... I don't think there's any contradiction between their spirit... In my spirit, we are one. Uh-huh.

[67:52]

And there's no... There isn't any separation or contradiction. Well, you're contradicting me. Yeah, but you're not a bird. She's balancing. What? She's balancing. Right, she's balancing me. The contradiction is kind of negative, but I think balancing is really good. Well, it has to be... You know, there has to be negativity. There has to be negativity. And with dolphins, too, it's like... It just seems like some point semantics in words, you know? Because... It's semantics from the word go. But it doesn't... Because it isn't always. Because... I'm not separate from the dolphins and birds and some... That's right. That's right. You're not. There's no contradiction between... That's right. ...you're here and I'm here if we're one. That's right. We're the same spirit.

[68:54]

That's right. That's right. So where's the contradiction? You're also not dolphins. I'm not sure of that. Well, I am. I'm sure you're not a dolphin. And I'm also sure you are a dolphin. That's the contradiction. I'm not convinced. You're not convinced? I'm not convinced. I just wish it happened with more things. It happens with everything. You're connected to everything. I know that's what I need more time now. You know, I haven't... What I'm telling you... What I'm saying to you is, my recommendation is, if you want more of your sense of connectedness to all beings... The gate to that realization is admitting your separation from beings. That's what I'm proposing. That's my teaching. The gate to realizing a wider sense of connectedness is not going to come through reiterating the places you already feel connected. It isn't by hanging out with the people you feel close to.

[69:55]

It's by embracing the people you feel most aren't you. Like me. Hang out with me. I like that contradiction. I don't believe in the other, you know. I think there's a point where there's no contradiction. There is a point where there's no contradiction and that point is right here. There's no contradiction here and that's a contradiction too. There really is no contradiction and that's a contradictory statement. And we really are all connected. That really is where it's at. That's the most truthful truth. But also it's true that we human beings think we're not all connected. And that's the painful part. The fact that we're connected is not painful.

[70:58]

It's wonderful. It's just organic bliss. That's all. It's the bliss of being alive. We're all connected. That's true. But in that realm you don't know anything because there's nothing known, there's no objects, there's nothing external to yourself to know. We have developed human beings beyond that level of life and we're having problems adjusting to our development. But isn't there a point where there's no longer a struggle? There is a point. And I'm saying the entry into that place where you realize that I'm not external to you, the real realization that your enemies, that the murderous people in the world, that the most cruel people in the world are actually completely connected to you. The place that you enter that through is to feel how separate you feel from these cruel people. And our sitting practice is to sit and feel how we feel separate from certain people. And as we completely embrace...

[72:00]

the fact that we feel separate from certain people, we will realize that we're not. But it's the people we feel most separate from that are our greatest resource. Because they're the ones who most point to the way our mind's working to make ourselves feel separate. So, but it's okay to spend some time hanging out with dolphins and bees. Because, you know, maybe you can't stand to be with certain people a lot. No, that's not it. I just like the dolphins and the birds. Yeah, well, and I'm saying it's okay to spend some time with the people you feel, the beings you already feel connected to. It's okay, but that's not the place you're going to get developed. You've already got that taken care of. It's in the area where you feel separate that you need to do your work. Yeah, I agree. I like to understand this more with people. Yeah. And the people we don't want to be with are the ones that we should be the most with. And, of course, we don't want to be with them, so it's kind of a problem.

[73:02]

Like, you people have been fairly well behaved this morning, but, you know. It isn't always that way. And then I want to get out of here. Should we misbehave to help you? You are good enough. You know, I love your lectures, and I was falling asleep today. Yeah. And because my mind doesn't work like the word, the back-and-forth word thing, and so I was falling asleep. And so this person, in order not to fall asleep, memorized a poem. Do you want to hear it? Let's hear it. Okay. Every day... Each day is a God, and holiness holds forth in time. I worship each God, I praise this day, splintered down like a husk in time.

[74:14]

A husk of many colors spreading fast over the mountains split. It's by Annie Dillon. Or you might say, just this person. Right. Same thing. Okay? That's another way to say just this person. But if I knew that poem, I would have said that poem. But there's millions of poems which are bearing down this one simple instruction, and that's one of them. And what's that other one? That one about, you know, blessed are the uses of adversity. You know that one by Shakespeare? Everything that happens, every husk of experience, every fiber of experience is guiding you to just this work.

[75:23]

And a lot of poetry is encouragement to get down to that work and to respect what you've got coming off your tongue in your hands. and your thoughts to work with that. But it was your left ear that brought me the cold. Well, that sounds like a good place to stop, huh?

[75:54]

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