If I may, I will begin with a story. And I hope this story will help us all in our formal sitting practice today and in the future. And I hope also this story may help us deal with our daily life and the intense dilemmas and conflicts and contradictions that we are faced with in our life together. It's a story that I've told many times and I will tell again if you allow me. It's a story about two brothers who were Zen monks in China in the Tang Dynasty.

[01:10]

The brothers' names are Yunyan, which means cloudy cliff, and Daowu, which means path of awakening or awakened way. One day a cloudy cliff was sweeping the ground. walked up and said, too busy, you're too busy. Cloudy Cliff said, you should know, brother, that there's one who is not busy.

[02:28]

Dawu said, then there are two moons. Cloudy Cliff raised his broom and said, which moon is this? Dau walked off. Almost every time I read this story or think of this story, and almost every time I tell this story, it goes deeper. I recommend that you think about this story, that you read this story, that you tell this story and see if it brings you deeper.

[04:01]

And in fact it is a story about being superficial and busy and distracted and caught in our ordinary thinking mind, and at the same time not being busy at all, not being caught, not being distracted by all that's going on. It's about walking on the bottom of the ocean, the deepest ocean, at the same time that you're swimming on the surface. So now, right now, here we are, having a day of sitting, a day of meditation, a day of awareness of our body in various postures, sitting, standing, walking, eating, and so on.

[05:25]

And our mind and our breath also are happening. And there's some busyness here, actually some non-stop busyness. So our brothers and sisters could walk by us while we're sitting and say to us in our ear quietly, you're too busy. You're too busy. Your mind is racing. You're really distracted. You might even say it to yourself. You might even say, your meditation practice is not good. You're not concentrated. You're just daydreaming. Not only that, but you should be ashamed of yourself for daydreaming.

[06:36]

What are you doing here wasting your time? Why don't you just go daydream by reading a book? Why don't you daydream in the movie theater? You're wasting your time. Or you might be saying, hey, you're not daydreaming at all. You are totally cool. You're really a great meditator. This is wonderful. You finally know how to practice properly. All this, you might be going on. Someone might come over and say to you, hey, you're busy. So whether you say so or not, somebody's telling you, you're busy, you're too busy. Don't try to deny that. That's more busyness. Why don't we just be willing to be as busy as the Zen ancestors? They were busy. You can be busy too. but we have some sense of a great and imperturbable peace.

[07:37]

And so when we sit and notice the busyness, we feel some conflict, some contradiction. Well, there is a contradiction, and that's more busyness. And to try to eliminate the contradiction and to smooth out the surface of the ocean would be more busyness. a great steamroller to smooth out the waves on the ocean or to freeze the ocean so it didn't respond to the tides and the winds. This would be a great business. But we should not be fooled and think that this kind of busyness is anything other than busyness. At the same time, Cloudy Cliff reminds us, you should know there's someone who's not busy.

[08:43]

There's someone who's not busy at all. There's someone who's not even resisting being busy. There's someone who's not resisting or denying or affirming, who's not despising or esteeming all this busyness. There's one like that. And then Awakened Way says, and there's two moons, there's two realities. There's a reality of the busy one and the unbusy one. And Cloudy Cliff doesn't say, yes, there are two moons. He doesn't say, no, there aren't two moons. He just raises his broom and says, which moon is this? So they don't say that what's happening to you right now, scratching your forehead, thinking, blinking your eyebrows, lifting your teeth,

[09:47]

digesting your breakfast, they don't say that's busy or not busy. They don't say which moon it is. They ask you, which moon is it? And whatever you say, if you say it's not busy, if you say it is busy, if you don't say anything, that's just busyness. But the question is, which moon is this Really, they're inseparable. The unbusy one is not the slightest bit distant from the busy one. That's how unbusy it is. Your imperturbable composure is not the least bit different from your busy-ness. It's no other place. And it is not busy. It is the part of you that's not resisting being busy. It's the part of you that's not resisting being confused.

[10:52]

It's the part of you that's not resisting being in pain. It's the part of you that's just what you are. So, if you want to, while you're sitting today and while you sit for the rest of your life, This story could be seen as recommending that you be exactly as busy, exactly as confused, exactly as resistant, exactly as happy, exactly as sad as you are. In other words, that you just be how busy you are, and that's all you do. And you realize that right there is one who's not busy, and you realize this story. This story is saying, it seems to me that because there's one who's not busy,

[12:11]

you can be busy. This means that compassion reaches even the way you are right now. That compassion is not trying to change you into something else right now. That compassion is not trying to reach into your life and fix it and change other people in relationship to you either. Compassion just listens to the busy one, just hears the busyness, just sees the busyness. Zazen is just to look at yourself, to become intimate with yourself and to forget yourself.

[13:16]

Does that make sense to you? Any questions about that? In terms of your sitting, walking, standing meditation, or lying down meditation? Okay, well, then how does this extend into the complexities of daily life? We have Buddha's precepts, and the story applies there too, I feel. Sixteen bodhisattva precepts of the Zen school. The first one is going for refuge to awakening. That's the first one.

[14:53]

We sometimes say, I take refuge in Buddha. When you say, I take refuge in Buddha, again, someone could walk by and say, too busy. In other words, you're just sitting there thinking, I'm taking refuge in Buddha. Or you might be thinking, well, I'm not going to take refuge in Buddha. Or I can't take refuge in Buddha. Or I don't want to take refuge in Buddha. Or I'll take refuge in Buddha, but these other people don't really do it. Or they do it, but I can't. In other words, when you take refuge in Buddha, there's somebody busily doing, not that. That's not taking refuge in Buddha. Thinking about taking refuge in Buddha is not taking refuge in Buddha. It's just a busy one. That's why if you think, I'm not going to take refuge in Buddha, that's no more like taking refuge in Buddha than I am taking refuge in Buddha.

[16:05]

Well, isn't that a bit extreme? Isn't it a little bit more like taking refuge in Buddha to say, I take refuge in Buddha than to say, I don't take refuge in Buddha? Well, actually, I don't know if one is a little bit more like it than the other. It seems to me though, really, they are both not it. Taking refuge in Buddha is not to say, I take refuge in Buddha. Taking refuge in Buddha is a lot more interesting than that, I would say. It's when you actually take refuge in Buddha. When you actually take refuge in Buddha, you can say, I do not take refuge in Buddha. And at the same time, take refuge in Buddha. At that very moment. I just did it. I said it, right? I do not take refuge in Buddha. Someone can say, wow. Did you hear him say that? A Zen priest saying that?

[17:08]

Ooh. Scary. Well, how about if I say, I do take refuge in Buddha, and they say, oh, that's scary too. He's so arrogant. Who does he think he is to say he can take refuge in Buddha? I can take refuge in Buddha. So conceited. That's scary too. Well, what about if he doesn't say anything? But anyway, if I say I don't take refuge in Buddha, I'm saying to you, according to this story, although there's one who's saying I'm not taking refuge in Buddha, there's somebody who's not that busy. There's somebody who's not taking refuge or not taking refuge in their head and talking like that. There's one who is actually taking refuge in Buddha, and taking refuge in Buddha means that you're not busy. Taking refuge in Buddha means you are completely at rest. Before you even think of talking about taking refuge in Buddha, before your parents were born, the person you are, that's taking refuge in Buddha.

[18:17]

And that one who takes refuge in Buddha before your parents were born, That one is right there when you say, I do not take refuge in Buddha. And that one is right there when you say, I take refuge in Buddha. Now when I say that to you, that's what I believe. That's the way I'm suggesting that I try to practice. I'm not telling you you have to think that way or believe that. I'm just telling you that's how I understand this story. And what I sometimes do and what a lot of people do is they go around and say, I take refuge in Buddha as a way to make them feel comfy and a way to make themselves feel like they're taking refuge in Buddha. Well, that's okay. But it might be better to say, I don't take refuge in Buddha.

[19:20]

say, I confess, I do not take refuge in Buddha, might actually be more authentic, more honest. But neither one of them really make it. Taking refuge in Buddha is not something that I do. Taking refuge in Buddha is not something I do. It is what I am. It is what we are. That's why it's a precept. That's why it's something that was written before. It's not something you do now. It is the way you were before you were born. It is the way you are before you were a Buddha. And it is inseparable from saying, I do not take refuge in Buddha. And it is inseparable from saying, I do take refuge in Buddha. This teaching I'm giving you right now is, I can say it loudly in this room I hope, it's esoteric. Usually we do not go tell people to say, I do not take refuge in Buddha.

[20:30]

This is a meditation instruction for you to tune in to your actual self rather than kidding yourself, rather than deluding ourselves by thinking that what we say and do is what's happening. What we say and do is just a little circle of water that we see in the middle of the ocean. But that circle of water that we live in in the middle of the ocean is of course inseparable from the ocean. It's just that it's not the whole ocean. And when I say, or you say, I do not take refuge in Buddha, that is inseparable from the whole ocean, which is what it means to take refuge in Buddha. Taking refuge in Buddha is when the ocean takes refuge in the ocean. And the ocean always takes refuge in the ocean, and never anything else.

[21:33]

It includes the little circles of water. It embraces them completely. Now, each of these precepts still we must deal with in terms of our busy mind. So the first precept, taking refuge in Buddha, that's why I suggest rather than just saying, I take refuge in Buddha, you might think, I don't take refuge in Buddha. In other words, be creative with your busyness about the precept. The next precept, taking refuge in the teaching, in the truth, in the Dharma. The next precept, taking refuge in the community, the harmony of all beings, the Sangha. So, again, in these cases, too, to say I take refuge in the Sangha is...

[22:48]

is saying you take refuge in the Sangha. That's not the same as taking refuge in the Sangha. Taking refuge in the Sangha is a lot more interesting, a lot more lively, a lot more useful than just saying I take refuge in the Sangha. That's why I might also suggest that instead of saying I take refuge in the Sangha, it might be good and honest to say I do not take refuge in the Sangha. I hate the Sangha. I hate all the people in the Sangha. Why do I hate them? Nothing's really wrong with them. It's just that I'm really pissed off about everything, including these Sangha people. Now, I'm not saying you say that if it's not true, but most people are angry. So once in a while, why don't you admit that you don't like the people in the Sangha, that you wish you had a different Sangha with better-looking people? with people that appreciated you more, who respected you more. Why don't you admit that? Isn't it true sometimes?

[23:49]

That might be more actually taking refuge in the Sangha than going around saying, I take refuge in the Sangha. I don't like these people, but I take refuge in the Sangha. Taking refuge in the Sangha might have something to do with being completely honest. about how you really feel about the people you're practicing with. It might have something to do with that. As a matter of fact, I say it's exactly the same as being honest. But being honest is awfully big. It's bigger than saying, I take refuge in Sangha. However, it's inseparable from saying, I take refuge in the Sangha, because you can say, I take refuge in the Sangha and be honest. it's also inseparable from saying, I do not take refuge in Sangha. If you're honest and you're saying, I do not take refuge in the Sangha, then it's inseparable. When you're honest, you're honest and whatever you're doing is inseparable from your honesty.

[24:53]

When you're being dishonest, whatever you're doing is inseparable from your dishonesty. So even though you're raising your hands and say, I promise to be on the side of the Dharma, I'll dedicate my life To save all sentient beings, if you're telling a lie, you're telling a lie, and what you're saying is part of the lie. I vow to save all sentient beings. If you're lying, it's a lie. If you say, I vow to save no sentient beings, if you're telling the truth, it's telling the truth. If you really don't mean that you're going to save all sentient beings, and you're just saying it as a meditation exercise, I don't want to save all sentient beings. I don't want to save all sentient beings. I don't want to save all sentient beings. What do I actually want? I don't want to save all sentient beings. What do you actually want? If you keep saying, I don't want to save all sentient beings enough times, I think your heart will open up.

[25:55]

And your heart will say, well, something's happening in my heart. If I keep saying, I don't want to save sentient beings, your heart will start to throb. And pretty soon, your heart will start feeling what it really feels for sentient beings. It feels something. What does it feel? Maybe you have to say, I do not want to save sentient beings a million, trillion times until your heart finally tells you what it really wants to do about sentient beings. What does it really feel for sentient beings? What does it really want? Maybe something not so cute. Maybe what it wants to do is rip out the dualistic thinking from sentient beings. Maybe it's really angry at sentient beings for not being completely awake. Wouldn't that be horrible if you felt that way? But maybe that's what you really feel for sentient beings. Maybe that's what you really feel for yourself.

[26:57]

Maybe you really want to wake up completely. I don't know. This is busyness. The next one is the three pure precepts. The first one is to refrain from or to avoid or renounce all evil, all wrongdoing, all unwholesomeness. The next one is to gather all goodness, all wholesomeness. And the next one is to benefit all beings. There too. There's a busyness around these precepts.

[27:59]

There's a busyness at each level and there's an unbusy level. There's a busy level at which we busily try to avoid all evil. And where we busily try to do all good. And where we busily try to benefit all beings. And also, at each one of these precepts there's an unbusy level where we really realize what these precepts are about. But again, this unbusy level, this restful, peaceful, unmoved level of each of these precepts is inseparable from everything we do to practice these precepts at the level of our busy, judging mind. They're inseparable. They're inseparable. So in the case of the six precepts I just mentioned, at the level of busyness, we cannot but violate these precepts from the point of view of the deep mind.

[29:12]

From the point of view of the busy mind, we can violate them or not violate them. From the point of view of the busy mind, we can steal or not steal. But if the busy mind is stealing or not stealing, that's not the way the unbusy mind practices the precept of not stealing. The unbusy mind is not involved in stealing or not stealing. It is at peace. It isn't restraining itself from stealing. It isn't encouraging itself to not steal. Still, at the level of busyness, we must discuss stealing and not stealing.

[30:26]

we must notice, oh, I'm stealing. Or I'm not stealing. We're going to think one or the other. You can't avoid it. If you try to avoid it, that's another kind of way of dealing with stealing. I'm not going to look at whether I'm stealing or not stealing. I'm going to avoid the entire issue. That's the way I'm going to practice this precept of not stealing. But if you look at it, if you examine it with your busy mind with the practice of not stealing, you're going to come up with a stealing or not stealing, or you're going to come up with, gee, it's not really clear to me whether it's stealing or not stealing. All busyness. And in that realm of busyness, then we better not steal.

[31:32]

Like I... I have two sets of stamps at my desk. One set of stamps I use for what you might call personal mail. Another set of stamps for what you might call impersonal mail. So this person has two kinds of mail, personal and impersonal mail. So the impersonal male, I get the stamps from Zen Center. The personal male, I have to buy from Zen Center or go to the post office. And in the middle of the personal and impersonal is a busy person and an un-busy person. It's a mess. A busy person would be good to keep the two kinds of stamp close together, but not too close.

[32:58]

I notice if they're far apart, it makes it more difficult because if I want to do a personal letter and the personal stamps are in the other room but the impersonal stamps are nearby, it's kind of hard because I have to move to another room to get the other kind of stamps. Now, of course, you could borrow one of the impersonal stamps temporarily and then later go to the other room to get a personal stamp, but that gets a little messy because then you kind of can forget about... Which was it anyway? Maybe I should have different words besides personal and impersonal because they're so close. Maybe I should say Zen Center and what? What's the other word? Me? Anyway, me stamps and Zen Center stamps. How else can you do it? Well, one way to do it is to say, well, I'll buy all the stamps. And hope that might be one way to do it. Another way would be, well, let's then stand by all the stamps.

[34:04]

Because really there is no personal. There, that was easy. But something's kind of funny about that. This is the busy mind which practices not stealing. And sometimes the busy mind says, I'd rather not deal with all this. It's a mess. It's troublesome. Or the busy mind doesn't want to really get into the precise niceties of these kinds of observations and these careful awarenesses of which kind of stamps are which and how to keep them separate and how to tell what's personal and not personal But I would say my feeling is that the deeper I believe, the deeper I trust the unbusy one, the more willing I am to get involved in the little details, the minute details of which kind of stamp is which, and to keep them straight and to enjoy that discrimination as a testimony to the one who's not busy.

[35:26]

to the one who never breaks this precept and who comes along with the violator and the non-violator, who's friends with both and never breaks the precept herself. And the more unwilling I am to get into the details of this busy calculation, this busy mind which is trying to figure out what to do about the stamps, the more I get sloppy about that, the more I don't appreciate the one who never gets tired from making these discriminations. who really enjoys it when I make the discriminations, and who really enjoys it even when I'm lazy and deny and obscure and deceive myself about what I'm discriminating, how I'm discriminating. But as a practice in the busy world, in the busy mind, the practice of minutely observing and watching myself deceive myself even,

[36:42]

and watch myself make these judgments about personal and impersonal stamps, the joy at making these discriminations, the willingness to feel the pain of these discriminations, is fueled and supported by the one who loves me equally, no matter how precise or imprecise, no matter how lazy or energetic I am. And yet, that one is most fully honored when I am energetic and am willing to make these discriminations. There's a kind of an irony there. Do you feel it? There's one who really loves us and really reaches us no matter what we're doing. And yet, when we're really aware of what we're doing, we sort of celebrate that compassion. So being willing to be busy, completely willing to be busy and to be really proficient and adept at being busy is closely related to this one who's not busy.

[37:59]

Not closely related, it's equally related. It's not any closer related, but it celebrates the one who never cares, actually, whether we're busy or not busy, who never cares whether we're lazy or not lazy. And yet when we're not lazy, the one who doesn't care whether we're lazy or not is more respected. And somehow, because we're not lazy, because we're willing to be as busy as we are, we can appreciate this unbusy one more. And we have various painful dilemmas right now in our life, our society, our life together. We have this dilemma of pro-choice and pro-life. Pro-choice, pro-freedom to decide your own destiny.

[39:09]

Pro-life. Pro-life sounds better in a way. But pro-choice means, don't oppress me. I won't stand for it anymore. So some people say, some Buddhists I know say, if you force me to choose between pro-life and pro-choice, I'll choose both. And some people say to the people who choose both, you're a coward. If you choose that one, you're wrong. If you choose this one, you're right. And some people say it's the opposite. But a lot of people say choosing both or choosing neither, you're just a coward. This is a problem. And now we have right here, in our own backyard, we have such a good location here, in our own backyard,

[40:14]

we have a statewide, actually national dilemma. We have a man who's alive, and now the question is whether the government of the state of California is going to execute this man. And it looks like that's what's going to happen. What should we say about this? A man who 13 years ago did something horrible and inhuman to the extreme. Probably, I don't know this man, but I hear that he was also tortured in the extreme himself.

[41:17]

And now this tortured, mutilated being strikes back at others and is convicted of this crime and sentenced to die. When a person, for whatever reason, usually because they've been treated cruelly, does a cruelty to another person or persons, what should we do? What should the society do? When he kills, should we kill him back? And should we kill him in a horrible way? By poisonous gas and strapping him down? In a little green eight-sided box with windows? Is that the most creative, helpful thing we can do in our society? To a person who's done horrible things?

[42:23]

This is a busy mind. What are we going to do? What busyness do we do? How do we sweep the ground in this case? What can you find? What can I find in a situation like this? What can I say? What can I feel? So I'm thinking about this. Well, one thing I can feel, start with something, I can feel that I would not want to. I know I wouldn't want to be the one who pulls the lever which pours the cyanide into the acid. I wouldn't want to be that person. And I know I think it's true for me as a busy person. I think it's true that I really feel sorry for the person who's going to do that. I really feel compassion for the person who's gotten himself or herself into the position of having to pull that lever.

[43:43]

And I would not like to have to be the governor of this state who would not allow this person to live. And I would not... want to be or I would feel great pity for myself and anybody else who has to be the governor of this state and say not to kill him and cope with all that would happen to him if he said no and how the family of these murdered people would feel towards him. That would be very painful. I feel compassion for the governor for what he did and for what it would be like if he had done something different. I feel compassion for these people that were killed. I feel compassion for their family. I feel compassion for the police. I feel compassion for the man who's probably going to be executed.

[44:52]

I feel compassion for myself and for all of you. in anybody's body, including my own. My busy mind does not want to suffer with this question. But somebody who is not busy is supporting me to face this difficulty, to face this question, to ask myself how I feel about this, to ask myself what would I say. Not to kill. What does that mean? The killing's already happened. If we could stop him 13 years ago from killing, we definitely should stop him. Definitely. But the killing's done. Why kill again?

[45:55]

Is that the most beautiful... Is that the kindest thing that our society can think of doing to this person? Is that the kindest thing we can think to do for the families of the victims? That's what they want. One of the uncles of one of the boys that were killed said when he heard that the clemency had been denied, he said it was like opening his first Christmas present. He said he was just elated. Is the best thing for him to kill this man so he can be happy that the man was killed? Is that the best thing we can do? How deeply can we suffer over this question? How widely can we be compassionate for all parties concerned? So when we hear about this execution, as we're hearing again and again, when we hear about the terrible crime that happened 13 years ago, when we hear about the gas chamber and what it's like, when we hear this, this hearing is our busy mind.

[48:20]

But also there's one who's not busy, who's willing to hear this horrible stuff, who's willing to feel this pain, who's willing to be afraid of this pain and this horror, but who's willing to be there with it. There's one who's not busy. And if someone comes and whispers in our ear, that we're too busy? Yes, it's true, we're really busy. We're really suffering about this. We really wonder what's right and what's wrong. And there's somebody who's not right or wrong right there with us. who supports us to find a way to peacefully be present with this anguish and not separate ourselves from all these people who are going to be killed and who are killing and who are making decisions to kill or not to kill.

[49:55]

But still, I ask myself, and I ask you, can you think of something more encouraging to do with someone who has murdered two boys? Can you think of something more helpful to do than to put him in a gas chamber? Can you think of something that would satisfy the wounded families, the people who feel responsible to uphold the law, and yet not just perpetrate more killing. Can you think of something that addresses the fundamental problem rather than just strikes back symmetrically to horror with more horror?

[51:02]

Can you? Can I? I haven't been able to think of anything yet other than just say what I've said so far. And I feel pretty, pretty helpless. to do that. That doesn't seem like much. Which moon is this? Which moon is this? Which moon is this? Please join the Buddhas in that question. I will try to join you and all Buddhas in that question.

[52:23]

Yeah.

[52:39]

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