Now, today, in some sense, is a very happy day. The weather is fine, the hills are green, the flowers are blooming, we're all here together with friends and family. We have adults and children. And we're, so far, being quite gentle and kind, respectful and loving to each other. So it's a, it's happy when it's like that. The air is quite clean, although polluted with pollen.

[01:08]

So we're very fortunate, all of us, to be here and have a great deal to be grateful for and can feel joy in that gratitude for our great good fortune to be here today together. And, there may be singing and dance, a pageant, music, lots of fun. And, the little ones here today, bless their hearts, protect their hearts, they do not have the ability to be aware yet, that at the same time that we're here, so fortunate to receive the kindness of each other and to be kind to each other, at the same time

[02:16]

on this planet, right now, there may be others who are being disrespectful and unkind and cruel and even murderous, right now. And, therefore, we may, we may be anxious and uncertain and horrified in the midst of our joy and gratitude, pleasure, happiness, joy, horror, anxiety and uncertainty, kind of a nauseating mix. But, I think that there'll be enough celebration today, it's already started and I just want

[03:33]

to tie in the celebration with what we're celebrating. One of the things we might be celebrating today is a birth, a birth of a Buddha, but actually it's the birth of a Bodhisattva. When Buddha was born, Buddha was not Buddha, Buddha was a Bodhisattva. Buddha was born, Gautama was born as one who wished to become a Buddha for the welfare of this world of suffering. And, from early times, he was anxious about the world he lived in, he felt great anxiety,

[04:39]

he had a heart that could tolerate being open to great anxiety, and his anxiety was very fruitful. I want to encourage all of us today to consider, if we want to be just like Shakyamuni Buddha was before he was Buddha, if we want to open to the anxiety of this world, to the uncertainty of this world, for the sake of bringing Buddha's wisdom alive.

[05:40]

We have a term in Zen, and I'm a little embarrassed by the term, because it's kind of hard, the term is an iron person. And hundreds of years ago, one of the ancestors of our tradition said that in order to accomplish the Bodhisattva way to Buddhahood, one must be an iron person, and the iron person is someone who does not abide in the highest state, but who comes into the world of birth and death, comes into the world of the horrors of birth and death, and considers this world

[07:07]

a joyful playground to help beings, who bends her heart to be one with all beings and benefiting all beings. The iron person is the person who becomes the Buddha, who vows to learn how to face the raw reality of birth and death, and to face it with joy at the opportunity to work together for the freedom of all beings. One of the teachers, one of the teachers in the Zen school, one of the teachers, one of

[08:33]

the founders of this temple of Zen Center, San Francisco, who we call Suzuki Roshi, one of his teachers was named Reverend Kishizawa Ion, his Buddhist name was Ion, and he went to study with a Zen master named Boksan, which I think means Sandalwood Mountain. Now Boksan was, I don't know what he was, but he seemed to be, from what I hear, very strict, and it seems to me today that he was strict in the sense that once Ion came

[09:41]

to study with him, he continually offered his student the opportunity to face birth and death. Maybe he said, I don't know, I didn't hear about this, maybe he said at the beginning of their study, hello dear little Ion, I love you so much, and I just think you're the most wonderful thing in the world, and I'm going to take good care of you, and I want you never to forget that, because things are going to get tough from now on, but I really do love you, and my whole life is devoted to you learning how to face anxiety. I want to make you into an iron person so you can accomplish the Buddha way. So I'm just going to actually be myself, and it's going to make you really anxious. Because the way I am is like, I'm kind of like the way the world is, and I'm not going

[10:48]

to hide that from you. So you may find that being with me is kind of the kind of situation where you're going to feel a lot of uncertainty and anxiety. But if you can face this, and be devoted to your relationship, you're going to be a great Zen master and benefit many beings, and one of them is going to be called Shunryu Suzuki, and if you help him, he's going to go to America and start a wonderful Zen center, and people are going to come there on Sundays to celebrate Buddha's birthday. So, I don't know if you want to do this, dear little Ian, it's up to you, but I don't know if he said that, it doesn't sound like him, it sounds like me, I don't know what he said, huh? Somebody said, I don't say things like that either, but now that I have said it, you know,

[11:51]

I remember it. Suzuki Rishi didn't say it to me either, he didn't say that to me when I first came. He just looked at me, when I first met him, he looked at me and I looked at him, and then he looked away, and I felt uncertainty and anxiety. I didn't know what happened, did I offend him? Was that like the most enlightened response that I just made? What happened? I didn't know, but you know, I didn't mean to mention this this morning, but you know, I felt when I walked out of the room after meeting with him, I felt like, that's good, that's the way it should be, you shouldn't like know what happened with the Zen teacher, and take that knowledge and get a hold of it and say, I've got it, this is like real knowledge. It shouldn't be like that, it should be like, what happened?

[12:52]

And it was. I didn't try to make it that way, and I didn't know if he tried to make it that way or not. I didn't know if he especially looked away just to make me not know what was going on, or if I had offended him and so on. I didn't know what happened, but I thought, yeah, I like that. I mean, I like it, but it's not exactly comfortable. It's more like I had confidence, not comfort at the superficial level. A time came later when he gave me a little hint. He gave me a little hint of how much he loved me, and I felt like, yeah, I think that was there all the time, I know, but he didn't tell me. Anyway, Mr. Reverend Zen Master Boksan was pretty strict with his dear disciple, and

[14:04]

I heard that basically whatever Aeon asked him for, he would refuse. And I think that would include myself, I would guess that would include when he asked him for approval of his understanding or his practice. Teacher, is this the correct understanding of this chapter of the …? No, no, [...] no. Do you think this would be a good practice for me to do? No, no, no. Could I do this practice? No. Could I do that practice? No. Could I go with you there? No. Apparently, I heard that, that whatever he asked his teacher for, his teacher would refuse. And this went on for quite a while, years and years, but he continued to be devoted to his teacher. One time, Boksan said to Aeon, you're not my disciple.

[15:23]

And Aeon said, why not? He said, because you only bow to me in certain situations, like when we have our robes on and we're having a formal meeting or doing a ceremony, or in the meditation hall you bow to me, but you don't bow to me when I'm coming out of the bathroom, you don't bow to me when I'm lounging around. Therefore, you're not my disciple. And he didn't say get out, but he might say get out any minute. That's the way it was. Like, I've had it, you're just like impossible, get out. Or, I've had it, you're impossible, get in. He didn't know what would happen. I heard it was like that. He was anxious. And did you hear me say about somebody else who was anxious? Did I tell you about somebody else who was anxious? Who was it again?

[16:28]

Huh? Me? I didn't say me, did I? No, who else besides me? Huh? Buddha. The Buddha was anxious. And do you have a doubt about that? I can't prove it. Matter of fact, I'm kind of unsure whether he was anxious or not. Anyway, I say it anyway. I'm saying to you, I'm saying to you. I guess, from what I've heard and seen, that the Buddha was anxious, greatly anxious. But I don't know. The path to freedom is the path of facing anxiety and uncertainty about how to live in this world. In other words, the path to freedom from the world is facing the world. So, anyway, Ian was, from what I've heard, a very good student.

[17:31]

He hung in there with this extremely strict person, the person who kept him away from getting a hold of establishing that he was a Zen student or even a disciple of this guy. He never let him have that. Not funny? Funny. Anyway, closing the circle kind of nicely, one day, the Zen master Bok San was giving a talk and he was lecturing about the iron person, this iron person who can be in the world and be with everybody, who isn't queasy about being close to anybody, but also doesn't get a hold of anybody, stays close without grasping,

[18:32]

stays close and therefore doesn't even know who she's meeting and faces that anxiety about not knowing. He's teaching, he's talking about this iron person who accomplishes the Buddha way. And during the talk, I don't know, but anyway, Ian was deeply, deeply moved. Maybe he understood finally what had been going on all these years. Maybe he understood that he was an iron person, finally. I don't know. But anyway, the thought arose in his mind, I would like my teacher to write the characters, the Chinese characters, Tekkan, the characters for iron person. He wanted his teacher to write that for him to celebrate this iron person with his teacher.

[19:33]

But, I see you understand. But, if he asked his teacher for the characters, he thought his teacher would refuse. Who knows? I don't. So what he did was, there was an old man who came to his teacher's talks and this old man, no matter what he asked his teacher for, this old man would be given and never refused whatever he asked for. So when people are very old, or very young, the teacher maybe gives them whatever they want. But when they're training to be an iron person, things get strict. So Ian went to this old man, and he said, would you please go to my teacher

[20:34]

and ask him to write these characters, because I know he'll give them to you. So the old man went to Bok San, and he said, would you please write me the characters for iron person? And Bok San said, my disciple asked you to do that, didn't he? And then Bok San said, he finally has understood. And he did become a great Zen master. So whether you formally study Zen or not,

[21:39]

do you invite the world to train you? Do you announce your truth to the world, to a world that you have invited to critique your knowledge, your understanding? Of course, if you go study with Bok San, naturally, whatever you offer him, he understands you're inviting his critique. But without that invitation, I don't think we go forward on the path of understanding. Because, first of all, we distract ourselves from our anxiety, and second of all, we are anxious because we're holding on to our truth. Buddhism is like science

[22:49]

in the sense that the reason that it can give us knowledge and wisdom that is sure and that you can count on is because that knowledge is not sure and you cannot count on it. Did that sound like a Zen thing?

[24:01]

I'll say it again. May I? Let's see, what time is it? It's supposed to be kind of a short talk. If it ended right now, would it constitute short? No, you're doing good. I'm doing good? Okay. Like if I took no more than ten more minutes, would it still be in the short area? No more than ten? Yeah. The reason that Buddhism, that the Buddha way can give us sure knowledge that you can count on, that we can count on, is because the knowledge of Buddhism is not sure and cannot be counted on. The way of Buddha is not,

[25:05]

or Buddhism is not a name for knowledge that has been proven true. It is the name for inferences and guesses and theories that can be proven false. We do say something. We offer it and we are open to and invite it being proved false. We do not offer a truth and say, you cannot prove this false. Or we say that, but we say it, you know, and they say, go ahead, try. And we offer it to somebody who has some ability to do so, namely the whole world. The customer is always right. If Buddhism had

[26:09]

a knowledge that was sure and you could count on, it wouldn't be sure and you couldn't count on it. Liberty depends on constantly offering your truth up to be proved false. No Buddhist teaching has ever been established and no other teaching has ever been established. But if you think so, then you're like an ordinary person and you're anxious. Ordinary people think their truth has been established. Or as Suzuki Roshi said, Buddhism is not one of those religions like Islam, Judaism, Christianity, and Buddhism.

[27:15]

Laughter Buddhism is not Buddhist knowledge. Buddhism is offering Buddhist knowledge to be disproved. Buddhism is offering Buddhist knowledge to be criticized. Buddhism is giving up Buddhist knowledge. Buddhism is going beyond Buddhist knowledge. Buddhism is going beyond the knowledge which puts you in the highest state of freedom. Going beyond it and coming back into uncertainty and anxiety. Therein, with this attitude of non-attachment and the courageous, patient facing of the anxiety of this world, we walk forward to Buddhahood

[28:18]

and we offer knowledge which benefits the world precisely because we do not think it's been proven. Precisely because we offer it wondering how it will work, asking people to tell us and give us feedback, not holding on to it, going beyond the Buddhist truth, going beyond the Buddhist truth, going beyond Buddha, going beyond Buddhism, going beyond Islam, going beyond Christianity and Judaism. That's the path of freedom. And what I just said, going beyond that and not holding on to that, which means going beyond it, not holding it, means I don't just keep it to myself because I'm just going to throw it away, so why mention it? It means I tell you so you can criticize it.

[29:19]

So not only do I say, OK, I'm not attached to this truth, but you get to say, I think you are. And then I ask you, well, tell me how, so you can tell me your understanding of how I'm attached to this thing I said I just was willing to give up because I want to be a Bodhisattva. And you get to tell me, but then I, if you want to join, I get to criticize your understanding. But if you don't want to join the path to Buddhahood, you can just criticize the Buddhists but say, we can't criticize you back. You know, that may be OK. But that's like children criticizing adults. Adults shouldn't necessarily turn around and criticize the children just because the children aren't up for it yet. OK, that was only,

[30:24]

that was like seven minutes. But do you understand what I was talking about? No? OK, well, there's no question and answer today. So maybe it could be one or two questions. And the people who ask them, even though you understand, you could ask them for the sake of those who don't want to ask one. Yes? What about shame? What about it? Yes? What about the, what about the situation where a person feels shame because she doesn't feel

[31:25]

like she's measuring up to the standards of society? Or the standards in her own mind? Is that what you mean? Hmm? What about that? Yeah. That would be, that's part of the work of the Iron Person, is to like face that shame, to like meet that shame with patience and enthusiasm, understanding that this is a little snippet, a little example of the world that we have to face in order to learn the path of freedom. So part of it is facing what happens, but then, it's not just that. One step further is, in the process of realizing, you know, liberation, is to express your understanding of what's going on.

[32:26]

So a person who feels shame and faces her shame still needs to express herself in order to live the life of a Bodhisattva and attain Buddhahood. So people who are feeling shame need to talk, need to express themselves, but it doesn't mean you have to get rid of the shame before you start expressing yourself. And the place to express yourself is in a situation where you're inviting criticism of your expression, which might possibly make you feel, not make you feel, but give rise to more shame. And then you may feel like, again, anxiety about expressing yourself because it might increase your shame. If you don't go study with Bok San, you might not feel much shame, like, you're not my disciple, or whatever, you know. You might not feel that much anxiety, but really it's all just sort of under the carpet, down in the basement. So a person who is ashamed,

[33:29]

who feels shame over various things or feels anxiety over the path of the Iron Person, the path to face the world's problems and bring forth knowledge to help people, means to face this stuff and learn how to be patient and relaxed with it. And then, from there, express yourself, put yourself out even more than usual and ask for criticism. And this is where freedom comes. So whatever kind of person you are, you're fine as a candidate, but no matter how good you are, if you don't put yourself out there and tell people what you're doing and show them ways that they can prove you wrong, then you're just going to go around thinking you've established something and you won't move forward. You're going to hold on to Buddhism or your Buddhism or your truth. You're just going to hold on to it and this is like

[34:32]

just delusion. Delusion of my truth is right and I don't need to tell anybody about it because it's right. That's the sort of unteachable situation. But if you can put your truth, your theory out there, then you can realize freedom. Yes? Well, express it. Express it. You can express it with your, basically express it with your voice and with your body. Express it. You can express it with your body or your voice. So voice, you can like, one way you can express your understanding or your knowledge is to be like, say, speak some language.

[35:34]

You can also sing. That's fine too. You can also like, write letters, you know, or emails. Okay? You can also wave your arms up and down and clap your hands. You can also slap your face and stamp your foot. These are ways to express yourself but you're expressing yourself in a situation not to prove your position but to help bring forth the knowledge which comes not from proof but from expressing yourself in a way that can be disproved or expressing yourself open to criticism. This process produces a knowledge which is sure because it's not sure. So you can smile and shake your head. You can wink. As a matter of fact, that was in the Zen history, the history of one of our prototypic story of transmitting the teaching is the Buddha.

[36:35]

The Buddha raised up a flower and turned it. Some people say twirled it and out in the assembly somebody smiled and winked. And that smile and that wink with the Buddha, first of all, the Buddha raising this, this is, he's raising this up for criticism. Here's the Dharma. What do you think? And he gets a comment from the great disciple Mahakasyapa. But Mahakasyapa, when he smiles and winks, he's open to criticism too and Buddha says, I don't know my disciple finally understood. And we'll go forward from this. So any,

[37:40]

expressing yourself anyway, but if you express yourself to people and don't let them know that you're inviting criticism, they might not say anything. So but now some people don't have to be invited and so those are nice friends. But if you don't have anybody like that that generously offers you you know, disproofs of your position, disproofs of your knowledge, criticisms of what you're doing, including criticisms that you're not offering them anyway to make a criticism. Like the way you put that, there's no way I can contribute. It's like, there's your story and there's no invitation for me to co-author it with you. You're like closing down shop, you're dead in the water as far as Buddhism goes or whatever. And then the other thing

[38:41]

that can happen is when you express yourself with your hands or feet or mouth and then somebody like criticizes you, you can argue with them about the validity of their criticism. That's part of it too. You don't have to like say, OK, you're right. You can say, well, what? You know, that doesn't hold in your water and so on. You're off base there and so on. You can interact around the truth. Well, am I still in the short department? I went over? He's criticizing me. I'm a success.

[39:25]

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