So again, we just chanted a verse, a vow of intention of the ancestor Dogen. And if we feel that we lack total willingness, total acceptance of such a vow, then if we wish, we may simply admit our lack of total commitment. We may confess our lack of total willingness. in the presence of Buddha.

[01:05]

And the vow says that our resistance and our obstructions will melt away by the power of that repentance. If you feel completely willing to make such a vow as you just chanted, but notice that sometimes, even though you're willing, you slip, then there too, if you simply avow, admit the slipping, the obstructions will be removed by the admission of the slipping in the presence of Buddha. What is Buddha? Buddha is a person who is basically compassion.

[02:11]

Buddha is a person who is not attached. So if we notice that either we resist making complete commitment to the Buddha way, or if we notice that we have made the commitment but that we slip, in either case we evolve all that in the presence of the one who is compassionate and not attached, the one who completely accepts us as we are. and only cares that we get over our obstruction and move forward in practice. That we admit what we've done and start to do what we want to do.

[03:21]

That's what this vow says. And again, if you don't believe this vow, then Buddha says, you're welcome too. All those who agree are welcome, and all those who don't agree are a little bit more welcome. So that's where we start. This vow, which hotsu gamon means, hotsu means to give rise, and gan means It means the vow or intention. And moan is the verse, the verse of the intention to give rise to the mind of Buddha. This is Dogen Zenji's verse on the will or the vow to give rise to, to produce the mind of enlightenment.

[04:27]

This is the beginning of the bodhisattva path. And because the bodhisattva path does not have a beginning, it begins every moment. So every moment we vow to produce the mind of Buddha, or we don't. And if we don't, perhaps we can at least notice that we didn't admit that in the presence of Buddha, drop it, and then try again. Next, we take refuge in Buddha. We take refuge in one that is basically compassion and not attached to anything.

[05:32]

not attached to any idea of how we should be or how we shouldn't be. Therefore, compassion functions. We take refuge in this one. The Japanese word for refuge is kie, two characters. I think ki means to dive into or to throw yourself into. And A means to rely on or return to, to rely on or go back to. Taking refuge in Buddha means you throw yourself into Buddha. You surrender yourself totally to Buddha, to awakening. What is Buddha?

[06:39]

Well, we said, basically, compassion and non-attachment. And non-attachment means not attached to anything that Buddha is either. Buddha can be anything. Again, that's why it's complete compassion, because Buddha can reach everywhere without exception. Therefore, Buddha has no particular mark. Therefore, the work of Buddha to bring happiness to people has no particular fixed characteristic. Therefore it can reach everywhere. Sometimes we say that the face, the appearance of Buddha, the face of Buddha and the way Buddha conducts itself is light. But this is not the light that becomes brighter or dimmer by the rising and setting of the sun.

[07:52]

It's not a light that gets increases when ten thousand sages enter this room. It's not a light that gets dimmer if 10,000 drug pushers came into the room. It is a spiritual light. Itself has no eyes. This light does not have eyes. But we can develop the eyes to see it. And the eyes that see it, see it in everything. They don't see it just some places. They see it in the mud and water of daily life. The eyes that see it everywhere are the eyes that see Buddha.

[09:01]

So we surrender totally to this kind of light, to this Buddha which can't do anything, which doesn't do anything, and yet it reaches everywhere and saves all beings from suffering. The reason why it doesn't do anything is because beings are already saved. Therefore, Buddha does not do anything. And therefore, we, when we practice like a Buddha, we don't do anything. We just be ourselves. And the self that we are is a self which is totally given to Buddha. All we do is throw ourselves into this light.

[10:12]

All we do is take refuge in Buddha. In this practice, our initiation of our body and mind and breath into this practice is to sit still. Following your breath, being aware of your posture, observing your mind, are all good. But not moving is enlightenment. Shirtos said to Yaoshan, 1E,

[11:35]

when he was sitting. What are you doing here? Yaoshan said, I'm not doing anything at all. Shirtoh said, then you're sitting idly. Yashan said, if I were sitting idly, I would be doing something. Shirtoh said, you say you're not doing anything. What is it that you're not doing? Yashan said, even the 10,000 sages don't know

[12:39]

To say that the ten thousand sages don't know means, on one hand, they don't know this. They don't know this thing that we're not doing. On the other hand, it means that each of these sages has enough confidence in compassion and non-attachment that they don't need to what you say, console themselves with knowing. They are so intimate with what they are that they don't need the crutch of pretending as though they know what they are. No one, no one knows who she is. But all of us have a tendency to feel that we need to know who we are, so we make up something about what we are that we could know.

[14:23]

Some limited idea of who we are. Like, for example, I could make up an idea that who I am is this person over here, and I'm not, for example, some of you. that's easier to keep track of. And when I'm feeling weak and tired, then that's about all I can keep track of. So I decide that's what I am. But when I'm really intimate with my body, I don't need to know what I am. I don't need to carry around some limited idea of what I am. And I can be like these sages who don't know what it is that Yashan doesn't do. When you're intimate, you don't need to know.

[15:38]

When you're intimate, you don't need to be strong. And sometimes when you don't know, you may think, well, does that mean that every time I don't know that I'm intimate? Answer is yes. Your regular old not knowing is intimate, is more intimate than when you think you need to know or when you think you do know or when you say you know. At that time, you're betraying yourself. At that time, you have not surrendered totally to Buddha. you haven't really jumped completely into the house of Buddha.

[16:43]

You haven't thrown body and mind into the womb of light. You're still holding back a little, but it's good to not confuse that holding back with enlightenment. That holding back is something you should confess as resistance, as lack of faith in taking refuge in the Buddha. So, as I said yesterday, after Yaoshan told his teacher that even the 10,000 sages don't know it, his teacher wrote this poem. Though we have been together from the beginning, I do not know his name. We go along just being thus, leaving all to the flow

[17:47]

of destiny. Even great sages of antiquity do not know him. How could hasty, careless people understand? And again, Shirtoh said to Yashan, speech and activity are unrelated to it. And Yashan said, silence and non-activity are also unrelated to it. Sirto said, here not even a needle can enter.

[18:56]

Yashan said, here it's like planting flowers on top of a rock. Shirtle confirmed this. When he says, for me, or here, it's like planting a rock on top of a flower. In this case, he is me. I said that. This is what's called all dharmas advance and confirm oneself.

[20:02]

When Yaushan said, here it's like planting flowers on top of a rock, that's all dharma's advancing and confirming his self. If you carry a self to the situation and confirm it, that's what we call, quotes, delusion. But when the truth comes forth and confirms you, that's called enlightenment. But in order for the truth to come forth and confirm this self, I have to first of all give myself to the truth. If I bring myself to the truth, then I'm strong and the truth is weak. But if I give myself to truth, to Buddha, then Buddha comes forth and confirms me.

[21:11]

So first we aspire, then we completely give over ourself to the Buddha. Then the Buddha comes and confirms us. And how does the Buddha confirm us? First of all, by us sitting still. When you sit still, Buddha has just confirmed you. That's how Buddha first confirms you, by letting you be yourself for a moment. Not moving, when a living being doesn't move, that's Buddha. When a living being doesn't move, that is what saves all sentient beings.

[22:24]

Because what saves all sentient beings is for them not to move. The reason why people move is because they take themselves seriously. If you don't take yourself seriously, you don't need to move. If you think you're a big deal, then you think, hey, I got to do something. I've got to help people, or I got to hurt people. I got to help these suffering people, so I got to hurt these bad ones. I got to straighten up these messed up ones and I got to reward and support these good ones because that's the kind of self I am. When you don't take yourself seriously, you don't have to do anything. When you don't take yourself seriously, you don't have to move. That's Buddha. to give yourself over to Buddha because you don't take yourself so seriously and because you aspire to be Buddha.

[23:39]

Or even if you take yourself seriously, you know that's your problem. And you feel the Buddha's teaching says, the solution to my problem of taking myself seriously is to give myself away, to hand myself over to awakening. And then what will awakening do with me? It will simply come forth and confirm me as I am before I move. It won't wait for me to do something before it confirms me. It will confirm me in each moment before I do anything. So my initiation into this is simply to practice sitting still. So this sweet person, Yaoshan, practiced sitting, not doing anything at all. This was the great compassionate 36th ancestor.

[24:45]

Sometimes I take naps and I have this little timer. I often set the timer for 36 minutes And when I do, that's a Yaoshan nap. Sometimes I set it for 33 minutes. That's a Sixth Patriarch nap. Sometimes I set it for 14 minutes. That's a Nagarjuna nap. And you can see, if I do that way, if I get down to one minute, that's a Buddha nap. And then there's Dogen naps, 51 minutes long. This is a 99-minute timer I have. And right now we're in about the 91st or 92nd generation of the Buddhist lineage. So I can take naps, and you can too, for any number of minutes for each generation of the tradition.

[25:58]

When you take a nap, you take a nap with, you know, whatever ancestor that is. Wait a minute, don't take your nap yet. Not moving is your true self. And Shakyamuni Buddha called, nicknamed the true self, no self. Not moving is no self. No self would want to do that. No self would want to sit still and not move and not do anything.

[27:06]

But if you, what, if you If you don't want to be no self, if you don't want to be nobody, it's good to admit that. If you don't really want to be nobody and you really do want to move, then it's very important to admit that you don't want to sit still. By admitting that you don't want to sit still, you can sit still. By admitting that you really want to accomplish something in this life, you can be free of that and be willing to not accomplish anything. And if you can be willing to not accomplish anything, you will accomplish the most important thing. If you're bound and determined to accomplish what you think you want to accomplish and you won't let go of that, then you won't be able to accomplish what you're bound and determined to accomplish.

[28:32]

If you're completely determined to become enlightened, and you're definitely not going to ever back down from that, that's good. But if you hold on to that, it'll backfire. So you have to be completely determined and never turn back and always be on the line of benefiting all beings at the same time. Toss that self that wants to do that into the house of Buddha. you have to balance those two sides of your practice. So again, after Yaoshan left his teachers, first Matsu, then Shirtou, and he had his own group, people came and studied with him. And he didn't have so many disciples, so many, but he had awfully good ones. And they say that although among these, you know, generations, you know, 33-minute nap, the 34-minute nap, all these different ancestors, among these ancestors, really they all had great virtue.

[29:56]

They all received the precepts and practiced the precepts of virtue very scrupulously. But Yashan was particularly noted and lofty in his care for his students. Therefore, he didn't have so many. And he had great students. And still, he kept practicing this strange practice of sitting still. And one time one of his monks came up to him and said to him, after he finished sitting, he said, what are you thinking about when you're sitting there completely still, so immovable? And Yao Shan said, I think of not thinking. And the monk said, well, how do you think of not thinking? And he said, non-thinking.

[31:05]

Another way this is translated is the monk said, what are you thinking about when you're sitting there so still? And he says, I think of that which doesn't think, or I think of the one who can't think. And I said to you earlier, you could translate this as what are you imagining while you're sitting there so still? And he says, I imagine a lack of imagination. In fact, when you're sitting, you don't stop imagining things. Your imagination does keep functioning. So does your thinking. Buddha's do not spend their time not thinking like, you know, killing ordinary function of the mind. But the way they think is they think in this really unimaginative way. What do they think about?

[32:12]

They think about what they're doing. They think about where they are. They think about how they're feeling. They're not very imaginative in a way. or rather that they use their imagination in this very primitive, simple way, as though they couldn't imagine anything fancy. For example, they imagine as though they couldn't imagine that the self was this fancy thing that existed all by itself. That's actually quite a sophisticated imagination. Most people can do that. Most people that we call human beings can imagine that they have a self and that it has an independent existence from other selves, that it's a limited, independent agent. Most people can imagine that because most people have really kind of fantastic imaginations, so they can think of something so bizarre as that.

[33:19]

And most people spend most of their time thinking that very thing. Or even if they don't think of it, they kind of sort of like assume that if they did think about themselves, that's what they would think. So although they may not be thinking about it, they're acting like they thought that. Therefore, people are cruel. Now, some people who are still thinking that way consciously do practices like generosity, giving, in order to try to overcome this tendency of mind. And as long as you think that way, when you try to give, you notice that there'll be some resistance in certain cases to giving. But the practice of giving helps you find out that actually you do think that way. you may not be able to look at yourself and discover that actually you think you are an independent person.

[34:22]

For example, with respect to the people you love the most, you may think, well, I don't feel so independent of them. I'd be willing to give them my life. So there you may not be able to notice that actually you do think you're an independent person. And the reason why you give it to them is because you think they're you. They're part of your idea of yourself. But some other people you don't yet think are you, there when you start to practice giving, you may notice some kind of stinginess there. That practice of giving then shows you, outlines your imagination of what you think you are. That high-speed, sharply articulated construction of a limited, isolated something. So the practice of giving is good to do even before you have completely given up that fancy imagination.

[35:25]

The practice of sitting that we do is to actually right away try to imagine that you don't have the imagination to think of such a fancy thought. Again, if you do that, that will also show you that actually you do have that imagination. So there again, you have to confess that you do think that, that you do think that. So every morning we confess mainly what we're confessing. The fundamental thing we're confessing is we're confessing that we think there's a substantial isolated self. We do think that. Yesterday or today, I did think that. And if you can admit that, and not just in theory, like I probably did it, so I'll say I did, but actually notice that you did it.

[36:27]

If you can notice that you did it, if you can notice that you do it, you also notice how heavy that is, what a burden it is, what an affliction it is, what a pain it is. And you'll probably start to notice that almost all your pains originate from that way of thinking. Thinking of something substantially, inherently, independently exists. That's what you have to catch yourself at. If you actually sit still at that moment, For a moment there, you don't do it. So it's okay also to actually stop for a while. And then when you move, you'll notice you do it again. The only reason why you have to move is because you think you're important, is because you believe that there's somebody there, because you can't move if nobody's there.

[37:31]

And also, nobody's there if you don't move. So Yao Shan practiced sitting still, and then if you look at the kind of thinking he was doing while he's sitting still, the kind of thinking he was doing is called not having, I'm thinking, but I'm thinking about not having imagination, or I'm thinking about somebody who's really stupid. His teacher, Shirtou, wrote, no, his teacher didn't write that, did he? A little bit later, his grandson wrote, practice secretly, working within, like a fool, like an idiot. If you can practice this secret way inside, like a fool, like an idiot, if you can keep this up, this is called the teacher within the teacher. This summer I was giving a class in Berkeley and also here I talked about it too.

[38:47]

And that is a short course on compassion is stay close and do nothing. Don't just do nothing in general. Stay close to yourself and do nothing. Stay close to yourself and don't move. All day long. That's the same as taking refuge in Buddha. And in order to do that practice we receive the precepts because we do need to develop virtue in order to have the fortitude and sincerity and seriousness with which to do something so radical as to not take ourselves seriously. You've got to be really serious in order to not take yourself seriously.

[39:52]

You've got to really be serious about helping people in order to not take yourself seriously. If you don't take yourself seriously, then you can help other people not take themselves so seriously. It's the main gift that we can give to someone else is to help them not take themselves so seriously. But it's hard to give that gift unless you yourself don't take yourself seriously. Now, fortunately or unfortunately, sometimes, even while we're taking ourselves seriously, we slip and fall on our face. And sometimes we inadvertently help other people not take themselves so seriously. Just by accident we fall and screw up and they look at us and they say, how funny. And I think I do that sometimes too. So sometimes they get released by our inadvertent stupidity.

[40:55]

Sometimes even though we're trying not to be stupid, we are. We slip and do just what we should always be doing and that is to be a fool. But to consistently do it, we have to be very serious and very sincere, to be compassionate, to fulfill our vow, and then not take ourselves so seriously. You have to study hard. in order to not take yourself seriously. You've got to read all the sutras which tell you a million ways not to take yourself seriously. I From here, I thought I could either go forward or backwards.

[42:14]

Forward means go into the 37th generation to show you what kind of students this guy named Yaoshan had, how his practice of thinking of the one who doesn't think, how that got transmitted, or go backwards and look more into the life of this guy named Shirtou. Shirtoh, by the way, means stone head or the head of a stone at the top of a stone or on top of a stone. They called him on top of the stone because he built a meditation hut on top of a stone. That's where he sat. He was a very interesting person. So I thought maybe next we'll take a step backwards to him. Thirty-five.

[43:18]

Wait a second. Thirty-six, thirty-five, thirty-four, yeah. So tomorrow I'd like to talk about, look at this guy, this teacher, Cherteau, the monk who lived on top of a rock. But this strange practice of not moving only makes sense in the context of the taking refuge in compassion, in the compassionate one, in the unattached one. Otherwise it would be, it could be just, you know, the ultimate in self-clinging.

[44:20]

But in the context of the Bodhisattva vow, it's just the purest way to make sure that the self doesn't get in the way of your aspiration. It's the clearest way to sacrifice, to drop, to surrender the self and go to work. And You're doing very well at that so far. And in particular, I also would like to say you've been doing really well during Kinhin. Sometimes people, as I said, sit really well during Zazen and then as soon as Kinhin happens, they all go someplace. I don't know where they go. I never followed them. I don't want to know. Someone suggested that the reason why it's that way is, well, perhaps Lee suggested it's because he told you to stay in the Zendo, which I thank you for.

[45:33]

And he recommended Kinhin, which is really important. But another reason is that most of the people in Sashin are not residents, so you don't know where the snack area is. If you knew, you might think that's where you should go during Kinhin. Because why would we have such a nice snack area if you weren't supposed to go there, right? But I think it's very important to stay in the Zen Do during Kinhin as much as possible. Because you can really, what do you call it? She may be weary, women do get weary, wearing that same shabby dress. And when she's weary, try a little tenderness. This is the part I don't know the tune to. It's not sentimental.

[46:37]

She has her cares and woes. But a word that's soft and gentle makes it easier to bear. Does anybody know the melody of that? She has her grief and her cares. Yeah. But the person who wrote this said there's two words missing between easier and to bear. But anyway, does anybody know the tune? No. Well, we shall pursue this matter. You know she's waiting, just anticipating things she may never possess. So when she's weary, try a little tenderness. Or you could say, so when she's weary, won't you try a little tenderness?

[47:42]

Try a little emptiness. But before you try emptiness, don't forget to confess that you really think that things aren't empty. Because we sinners here, we think things exist. Particularly, we think I exist. So I've got to admit, I think I exist. I think I do. Ooh, that's bad. I confess it. Now, I think I don't exist. How did that work? So now I can waste my time doing stupid things all day long. Instead of being out in the sun, I can sit in this dingy room, do all this stuff, fall for this business about being one of the ancestors. I can do all that stupid stuff. I can do it. I mean, I can't even do it.

[48:46]

So anyway, try a little tenderness, OK? And my knees are better. I'm crossing them up carefully. the way I always knew I should be crossing them. But I was getting sloppy there for a while, just sort of slapping them into the position. And I've been just really carefully putting them in. And they're getting better. The position, when they're in the right place, the position actually kind of heals them. But when they're not quite in the right place, when I put them in kind of sloppily, then each period hurts them a little bit. So it is important to put your legs just, you know, take the time to put him in the best position that you can get him into. Then he'll be less likely to get hurt. This morning I left Green Gulch to give my wife a ride to the airport.

[49:59]

probably could have found somebody else to do it, but I thought it was actually truer to the spirit of not taking myself so seriously to take her. I take seriously my commitment to do the Sashin with you, but I also take seriously my devotion to her. And then in between there, somehow, I thought the best thing for me to do was to drive the car. That's why I left this morning. Although it's not, you know, my classical version of Sashin. That's what I thought.

[51:13]

That's where I was.

[51:14]

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