A Family Style for Realizing the Oneness of All Families 

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welcome to the people who are here for the first time
i pray that you've had a good morning
in zen tradition
there's a story
about the historical buddha
shockey money in india
one day
he said
and he
raised up a flower
and he twirled it
and makassar buck smile i couldn't he twirled it and he winked

didn't say which i he didn't say blink his a wait
and at that time my catch up on broke into a smile his face
broke into a smile
and he said
the dharma
a face to face transmission
he's now realized
i have the
true treasury of damn eyes for the dharma treasury of true eyes or the treasury of true dharma eyes
the treasury of true dime eyes and the inconceivable subtle mind of nirvana i now give this to my kashipur
that's a story that's told him the zen tradition
and scholars have not been able to find any record of that story
in india
and also no record in china before the
maybe the ninth century or tenth century
but this is a story that's
ah being told in the same school
that's the transmission of dharma can occur like that of teacher just raising a flower
twirling a winking and the students smiling
and this than is proclaim to be
the teacher giving
the treasury of true eyes
two eyes of the teaching to the student
very simple
and in that story i think they they said it only mojacar ship or smiled
now when i raised the
flower and winked lot of people smiled
heard the story
so things are different now
in fact two thousand five hundred years ago the students didn't know that this was funny

a moment ago we said we vow from this life ponds on countless lives to hear the true dharma
and also that when we needed
we will renounce worldly affairs
in one sense when we wow this and no sense maybe we understand that if we met the true dharma we would renounce worldly affairs
what are worldly affairs
wow like being on on kind is a world the affair
being distracted from generosity
he's a worthy affair
being on mindful is aware of a affair
putting ourselves our welfare ahead of other people's welfare is a worldly affair
these kinds of activities make worlds
in which beings live in birth and death
how will we see the dharma it's easy to me when we meet the dharma it will be easy to let go of selfishness and practice compassion will be easy because will renounce distractions from it so we were announced worldly affairs will renounce distractions from being kind to each other
other will renounce distractions from being devoted to each other will renounce those things and will maintain this dharma which we have seen will take care of it
once meeting at really meeting will take care of it before that we sometimes think there's something else to take care of
but when we need it was the old nominate take care of this when really need it and were an act and we will continue to take care of it from from then on
and will keep letting go of distraction from taking care of it doesn't we chanted
that's another and story

as we said you know i vow to hear the true dharma
but also i vowed to see the true dharma
when someone raise a flower i vowed to see the true dharma when someone sets the flower back down into the vase
which is sister gave him
i bought to see the true dharma
when people speak i vow to hear the true dharma
not just when the buddhist speaks
but when the birds speak and my friends and enemies speak i vowed to hear the true dharma when m when anybody speaking to me
i've out to listen to everybody
and if i can see the true dharma in everyone's face and i can hear the true dharma everyone's face

when i will renounce distractions
from the buddha way
and i will take care of the buddha away
and the buddha the buddha's teaching i will do that so this is my aspiration is to hear this dharma
so that i can
plunge into the life of helping all beings
this is mine
this is a console doggies edges in his verse we just right recited
and then of course i ask you is this year aspiration to have an aspiration basically like this
when i've been reached heaven
i've been repeating a story
which i told
as gringos farm
about a month ago to the children who came to the talk
i've been retrieved bp in the story in texas in brooklyn and now i repeated here i told the children that once upon a time there was a person
who lived in a very nice house he was very comfortable
it was his father's house
and he was very comfortable
and he went out of his house one day and he saw ah he saw signs of suffering which he had never seen before he saw sick people in poor people an aging people and dying people in dead people
really hard time
the dead people weren't having a hard time but ah he had a hard time with the dead people and he he was shocked
by birth and death
he didn't see any babies being born but if you'd seen them that when he might have been shocked by that too
to see the pain that the mother was going through
and the pain she has
when she worries and cares for the suffering of her baby
anyway when he saw that somehow he felt it
he will he awoke to the wish to find a way to relieve things from the suffering of birth and death and he left home and search for away and he found a way
haven't been bring peace to the realm of birth and death and free beings from suffering he found it and i told the children that when he found was
he found that we're on the same family
that's what he discovered discovering that we're all the same family and lie that
but a family
ha that we're happy
to be in
that were we find a realm of happiness and peace
im seeing that everyone's in our family and seeing that everyone is our life
that sweater
the man found in this man is a man we call them the buddha this is the buddha and he taught other people this

and not only are all the suffering names in just one family
but among the suffering people who are just my family there's there's two kinds of suffering beings one are not smelling out to me that some of the suffering beings are suffering beings who had this aspiration to help all the other suffering beings
who wish to realize your understanding the buddha in order to help while suffering being sort of the body ciphers to all the body surface can anybody who does not discovered this aspiration
of the voice office all the boys sought as an all those people who have not found the aspiration or in one family
and all the people who have not found this aspiration with each other are in one family and all the buddhas who have realized this aspiration are also in that same family
so all buddhas and bodhisattvas and all other beings all living beings are in one family
now if you realize this
and aspire to help other people to realize it this is the body sought for aspiration which
you've heard about now quite a few times
and then the question is
hottie to hear the ritual dharma
because if you want to
realize this aspiration
it would be appropriate to not get distracted from it said make sense
because if you get distracted from it you can actually like forget it for the time during which you're distracted and the distraction can go on for minutes or hours or days or
so we were distracted to this this this aspiration is loss and doesn't get developed it must be developed in order to be realized that and we wish to be realized not just room it's not just that we wished to have the aspiration we would like to actually
come into realization both agree i understand it and he would become real in the world we want that but we have to train
so one of these i didn't tell the children which i will tell you is another story
why are you told you i didn't tell the children and if you if you want to realize
what the buddha realized if you want to realize everybody's in your family
and actually i i asked the children not all of them wanted to realize that of him was in their family
i actually i asked me to like your family to get bigger and some of them said no
but then one of said yes and the nice and then they got into kind of competition of a how big who who are the biggest family
so actually some of them said they wanted to have a really big family but i didn't tell him that in order to realize that aspiration they needed practice and
they went away before i said that
i didn't want to say that to them
and actually i don't i don't mean i was out to you either but what i would like to say is that in order to realize that everybody isn't is in one family that year in one family with everybody
but everybody is your life in our to realize that one family i think
here's the story i think that you have to practice a particular family style i think so
i don't want to be rigid about that but i think maybe that's the case
in other words you have to enter a particular house that has a particular style
and for can practice that particular way
in order to realize that that family style
when to realize how that family style is the door to realize where all the same family including people who do not even know they haven't found the style
how the which everybody needs some form
which is a family farm not a form your makeup by yourself but a family form a form you receive
from somebody
other than yourself
and a form that your practice
in order to realize that all the forms are one family
and the form can be something very simple in a school of there's a school of
people who aspire to the welfare of the world has called the nietzsche ran school in japan
it's named after the founder
or it's an end the practice of that score is to say the name of this is to pay homage to the name of the lotus sutra to say homage to the
ah lotus flower of the true dharma they say that as better practice that's a form they say that
a focus on that
they say it over and over
the train their mind
into a particular family style
in order to realize
the reality for all beings are our life
namu meal whoring a cure
quite a simple family style
and some people so and zen the family style is is to sit
i'd say okay that's a family style however it's not just the family sales and it's the family style but particular house of sent all the all the there's one there's actually just one big family of all be
but you have to actually have quite a specific family among all beings to realize that all beings on one families
like specific like you
and your body together with another person with a body
what could be two people are to go but it's specifically one person together with you are two people together with you or three people together and as those particular people and their bodies were sitting in a particular place that's we need that particularity to test
the truth got wrong one family
because again you might say i'm cool with that all being in one family okay more fine
and i was insufficient i said well i'm already realized it
i don't even need to talk to you anymore see later
but this person doesn't isn't in a family
this person is just they think they realized that all things are one family
to be in a family
means you have ancestors the impairments
and there around or they're not but they're part of the family and your definite parents not vague so i'm proposing that you need to be in a particular family
moment by moment in time and space
can you know sometimes people who are in a family
who were living with someone they sometimes have difficulty with that person
like gonna know what dunno maybe that person you had an appointment with that person who you live with a didn't show up on time
and you haven't you have you had a form you had a date and they didn't show up on time
and how you relate to that fact
without getting distracted by worldly affairs
if you can really relate to that thing of the person being late and also maybe you're thinking well i was kind of disrespectful of my close family member not showing up on time that they do that frequently to start come with my come up
because when you get specific those kinds of thoughts come up when you say all beings are one family of cool you don't get into why are they late
you don't expect all beings to be on time
in each moment or if you did
how are just how we just how would you tell if they're related
are all beings on time right down more yes are lobbying for being late yes how do you tell whether you have agreed on a form and you think it's been met or not how do you tell with you
committed to a form and whether you're following or not and whether the people you agreed with think you are too
well you do with a particular form in a particular family

and i can be really simple
in the bodhisattva practice of using a form
in a families in a particular family style which with a particular student in a particular teacher in a particular house a particular temple
it can be something very simple
and there's basically two styles are known to styles are two sides of this and once called lay in the others called monastic
but they both share the using a form in this way
there's a there's a particular family style for a so-called lay person and a particular family style for the monastic and the as may be different but in both cases the forms are being used in a particular family style
and you could say one side the side is gonna be simpler
the agree on what the forms are will be simpler so in some sense it's harder because the lay side has to be aware of this one or few simple things
what could it be what could be for example sitting
and the monastic site there may be more forms
that are involved in a monastery so might be simpler to to you know more complicated
but in that way they don't have to have to a big mind
so the monastic mind doesn't need to be as big in a way as the lay mind because a layman has done has to without any with without after the in many diversities of life to remember one simple practice whereas in the monastic situation the forms actually are more diverse
so it's easier to check yourself and be checked and check others
but actually the both ways are difficult
but in a way the les mind you could say requires a bigger mind
which is more difficult how can you have a a form a family style that would always be available to you
so you wouldn't just work on a once in awhile

how could you make it all day long
what could it be
and the majority in this room could be called in on monastics or nay
saturday i guess i'm now in a situation i'm talking to you about what the family style can be for you that it wouldn't be just yeah so it would be so that it could be non-stop that you could work with a family style nonstop

what we are have weird
in a certain situation here where i'm asking you to imagine what the family style can be for you
i'm willing to you know still much work
i guess i'm willing to point out that you need that once you find the family style
then somebody would have to give it to you
well the yeah somebody had to give it to you

you can think of it though

yeah may i take your silence to be
what a cute
can think of anything or that you can think of it and you don't need to mention it
sun shy
you feel shy
is there something you wanna say in the even ojai
in response to what i said

so she said the practice of present sounds like a really good idea to me and so
so there's a precept for for me for beings to train with called the practice of presence
but in the progress of presence some forms are given
the practice presence with so as i'm asking now if you want it practicing presence will be the way
two to what to hear the true dharma
the upright and relax throughout the day
hey let's just stay with the first week be upright and relaxed throughout the day
so that's a form is to be operating relaxed with your for example your body and mind
that can be the form
so now i can say to you
i give you the pack us by do you aspire to pregnant upright and relaxed throughout the day
and i can say okay
i give you that present
and can you work it does seem theoretically possible to be devoted to that throughout the day
so he didn't make that up actually he didn't have his and yet his mind didn't make it up
but also hear that from somebody before
because he heard it before it arose in his mind and he told me and when he told me
i asked him for one if inspired to it
and he saved me and i gave it to him and then now he's gonna try to practice that
and can one practice at all even possible is or how should say this way is there any situation where you where you couldn't practice that is any situation where wouldn't be appropriate anybody
it seems to pop
even to be called to be all sounds like what
the child is falling the ice sit down
so if you feel i can hear often from getting the childcare
if you lunch for the child and without regard to your your safety doesn't wanna get onto the kid
but will he be relaxing
you for you will be good
no at a moment you will be instantaneously
ah the thing a thin probably at the time of coffee shop you can be absolutely frigid
when you are an actual division when you move in and where you
so i'm saying break is aspiring to be relaxed when he lunges to catch the child
you gotta give off any for anything other than catching the child at the moment and would that be relaxed i don't know what would i don't know the relaxed
i would not
hacking a day
if if relaxation is is conscious know he wouldn't he wouldn't have even be conscious of me getting the job for it no relaxation isn't just thinking that you're relaxed relaxation is actually being relaxed i were talking about being relaxed not just thinking about it
so in your example ah it seems to me that the person that person you gave an example of was relax they weren't thinking about themselves they wanna know they're just responding an inappropriate way an icy relaxation in that story and i also see uprightness
the person's upright because
they're doing this compassion that are primarily operate means to do in impact to be good and it leads to be righteous
they're being compact and this the if this person was
wishing to practice being upright and relaxed in order to realize the truth in order to benefit all bins the your example would be an example of it
i say
that the you just gave an example of where the upright and relax would be exactly your example an example you gave you thought was an example of doing good
i think of are being helpful
and i'm being selfless without thinking about things office
i think what
a devotion to
one particular side it is necessary sometimes
grasp and sometimes to release i think you're talking about a
dave has not to do with the grasping releasing of the muscle contracting or releasing i think you're talking about
living in a
in a way without
catching for oh yes that's right i'm talking about living in in a way where there's no grasping
and the etc
and so one way to talk about that his living away with there's no grasping another way to talk about it is the operating relaxed
and this has been operating relax is part of being present and then present as it is part of thing upright and relaxed
i'm not talking about being upright and relaxed and nothing present for that
a present or relaxed and know grasping
and in that state you can respond appropriately
and we need particular forms
to work with
like for sampler posture
and then when are when our posture from are practicing the opera and relaxed see if when someone asks us for help if we were able to respond to it
what does watched the response to it since there's any clinging to
any idea of upright and relaxed
that would interfere with responding appropriately
see if responding appropriately is facilitated by being present by the upright relaxed and not attached
and also this part of what i'm proposing is that it's a family style so
and and the family style is that you receive a family style to work with
now would you like me to give you that precept which is to respond appropriately to needs a beings
yeah so i give you their precept
and you he didn't make it up yourself but you aspired to it and i gave it to you and now you can take care of it and in both cases
you mean sometimes fail
the when a player on my proposal is that if you practice a family style
if you've received some
precept like the present their presence and you're using some form to practice the preceptor presence
that you will sometimes probably find that you fail
and that's part of the process to
ha what i'm talking about is the bodhisattva path it has two sides monastic and nine monastic or monastic way
but both sides have
the same practice
but the forms are different
so again since most of the people here are non monastics and talking to you about a what forms we can use to train with
because both sides need a family style
a style that you're working on in a family and the family can be quite small like can have two people in it
it is given for example could have a student and teacher could be the whole family at them given moment
however in this is tradition there's many other people in our family previously and many other people who are doing the same thing in a different form which you will realize but you have to have a particular form so you can for example argue with your teacher about
and clarify with your teacher about what the foreigners
and want to get clear about what the form is that you're working on what you've received from someone else and clarify with somebody else
in which you aspire to practice than you can
and a person you receive from can assist you
in your failure and of course rejoice with you and your success
when even rejoice with you when you fail and you feel embarrassed
they can rejoice with your embarrassment because the embarrassment when you fail at this form you're using
to realize there were all the same family
this particular family style you're using to realize we're all the same family that is wonderful to be embarrassed because the embarrassment will purify the distractions the worldly affairs
you don't have to like it it's okay if you don't like it to avoid it
an affair
you've been trained to avoid it and yet you're not successful
yeah this trying to avoid saved myself a privilege but i hear you proposing that we serve some sort of can fail a specific
yeah i guess that and that's a nice point that i'm actually suggesting if you wish
to realize
reality you will almost everyone will for quite awhile need to repeatedly set themselves up
because until you actually enter reality and practice there for a long time you will fail at the practices which support you to enter reality the things that the practices the training of this aspiration
which caused it to be realized if you already were doing them you would you would already have realized which are aspiring to there would be no difference between your aspiration
to realize the welfare of all beings and your aspiration to realize the
actuality are benefiting beings and to live action live in the actuality are benefiting banks and leave no place but there which is called buddhahood you would have already obtained it if you'd never failed at these precepts so in order to counter into the optimal situation a bet
buffett of all beings which is
buddhahood we will have to accept that we will fail at the practice which will take us which in that
we have not yet totally made it a all day long thing
we can easily get a little bit off or more
so yeah you
if you've been trained did not take on things which you might fail
that's the that would be i kicked i would make it difficult to receive a precept
and then a spot if you receive a precept and aspire to act now you're set for failing at that precept he could you could fail out now if you received if you aspire to but haven't received the precepts than you can fail
if the precepts out there and you have inspired to you can't fail but if you aspire to be
present and you use a form to see if you are
then you can fail have been present with that far
something about it with claims and the sensibility
years firing
it's like the real definition one
the real definition
be truth can be true failure while but if you're certainly trying and go
you're aspiring yes you succeed we just started keeping your goal
well you can say you could say you're succeeding or you can say you're in the process of realizing
and and something's can we have not yet realized and we wish to devote ourselves to their realization like present a learning spanish you might want to learn spanish and when you start you in some sense you haven't really learned to yet
but you weren't to like
i think to good as spanish for quite awhile but you actually in the process of learning spanish and you actually are speaking spanish
at a certain level
so you actually in the process you're not really failing at learning spanish but you are spelling as back speaking spanish for example like a native speaker of the same age and you are you're failing us in that way and you aspire actually maybe not to be a native speaker like speaker can ever speaker but dispute me you might have a certain standard
i likes me well enough to
you know order a meal
whenever a it's i think that's just part of the the process is to let you know that it's
you're in you're in the process you're in boat
of compassion when you see something when you see a precept if you want to be present with and you want to realize you aspire to it and you receive it and when you don't through it can you feel uncomfortable about that you're in the boat
and but if you do aspire to it and you're clear about it and you don't follow it in a particular moment
you will feel uncomfortable about it and that discomfort is essential as we said what we can before
we will melt away the root of transgression from for example the precept of presence which realized is reality we will by the power of noticing that and feeling uncomfortable about it will melt away the root of being distracted from the kind of presence that enters reality
that's that's difficult for people are actually experiencing they can now i feel bad so when you feel bad that that this is what it's like when you're practicing
this kind of when you don't do what you want and you feel about this is this is what bodhisattva still like when they're doing and are just like you'd this is how boys are feels just like how you feel is like a bodhisattva feels this is the practice there's not some other practice from this one right now this is also training and presence is how to be presence when you
notice you weren't
but again we need some form to help us notice when were not present otherwise we can say i'm never present for i'm always present
but the problem is not so much to say i'm never present a problem is i want to be present but i'm having trouble to turn finding out if i am
so why not your are knife or here's a form
use this form and we can work on this form together yes
presently i
is basically
with it's basically synonyms for my for yes
and were saying okay to mind for analyse in a particular family which means with particular people let's pick a form to practice mindfulness with
something that you can work on all day long and that and also something that you would on
he would say i i'm working with this all day long and and and then i'm telling the i'm telling perhaps the person i received the precept from that i'm working on all day long so then if i got and i want that prison will be with me all the time but if i'm working on all day long if i ever ran into that purse
and i could show them hi had been working on it all day long because i would be working on it perhaps with them when i saw them because i already been doing all the along so and him i say hey look i'm doing what what we agreed on me working on and the teacher looks use a great
but you might not go to the teachers say i've been working at all it all along you might just think you are and teaching license have you been working on that old new and you might say anything well how come you didn't put your shoes over there properly how come you look like you didn't did you actually see when you put them are actually no i didn't oh
that's a better story i bought italian this zen monk trend with the teacher for a long time and he was practicing mindfulness with his teacher
and finally they finished their training because he had been practicing presence with the forms but they were using in their training family and the teacher said you don't worry we'll see later in the month when when he came back to visit one night on a rainy night and he came in the house and said hi to his teacher choosing which side of the entryway where your shoes in which side is your
raincoat and he didn't know so then he studied six more years
so it's basically mindfulness but it's not just like it's mindfulness where you expose yourself by kicking off or picking a form like he sounded an abdominal practice relaxation and uprightness
the other words i'm very mindful to be that way so then on it's okay and to practice at all the time wherever you are riding around your bicycle mill valley at the community center and when you're with your wife driving your car
brushing your teeth eating walking sitting all the things you're doing you're practicing mindful of your body and mind and noticing is your body and nine relaxed
upright can't you're watching that and it's an unused you notice sometimes it isn't
have you noticed sometimes he isn't you don't need teachers too much at that point unless you're getting discouraged like you say some people come to say you know i've been doing this whatever the foreigners and i'm not doing very well i'm slipping up a lot i'm really getting discouraged
i think i think maybe i'm a switch to another practice where i don't have to fail so much
and the teacher says
this is the this is what is like the grateful he sought this art have gone through this current situation and the hung in there this is the right way now i can come and tell me that you're not embarrassed by not following through on that then we got a problem because you said you wanted to do this bodhisattvas have not followed that path
so if you're cool with not fulfilling
the preset that you're using to realize your aspiration that the you aspire to push your using this aspiration not just to get good at this precept a presence but enter reality and save all beings if they an uncomfortable about slipping up on that what's going on
at that point that the teacher because they don't care
that's the that's the tragedy is they don't care and they don't talk to me by doesn't think they've left the family they're not in the family remarks are not using the family so lay people do not necessarily have to see their teacher every day but when they see their teacher they need to bring their teacher what they're working on
on to show their teacher how well they're doing or to show their teacher that they're doing if they forgot to do the practice a lot but they feel uncomfortable about it so they're doing well
because they're not giving up and they're coming has shown that for not giving up but they're thinking about it because it's so hard and teacher says i know it's hard but this is one is like this is normal this is healthy this is the healthy process
a perfectly align yourself with presence through which your and into reality and then meat scepter dharma see the true dharma
and then know really be able to take care of it
but basically it is mindfulness but it's not just you mind for walking around i'm mindful of this i'm mindful that but you be mindful of some particular form a to for your family that you're going to show your family how you working with that form
so they can say
or the the are you practicing the form i are you on our family still
he looked like you changed families it did something happen here
what happened you know what i mean well you said you wanted to go north but you're going south
oh yeah oh oh oh fuck
this is very good point
sell said
say you want to go north
sir i have to say

i know your was to practice hoping to attain some
it's okay to practice aspiring to take something just don't try to gain anything when you obtain something by the way i just recently checked i knew that the word attain what the etymology of them were k attain is to touch i looked it up again recently
and it's actually at touch or at the touch ah
mj are tangy tangerine at the tangible read at the touch me at the target you touch it
he touched but people often turn attainment into game there's no dune is just touch
you touch with you aspire you aspire to the welfare of beings and you touch it you realize it at the touch
you touch somebody and you realize you touch yourself and you realize you hear something in your we at the touch
and touches the most basic sense
seeing and hearing girl from touch were originally tangible beings touching beings
so we do aspire to this great thing to a great marriage we aspire to a great marriage with all beings one at a time
we aspire them
the pardon was a the ones enough to star with and a new and a new expanded other beings in different ways in appropriate ways so you can be married to your children and married to your parents married to your friends
can have great wonderful marriages because you know how to be present
because you know how to be present and because you're in reality with them in order to have the great marriage we have to be living in reality a for in reality we are somewhat living in the world of our idea of our relationship
but when we do these practices we understand that our relationship we've been working with and even our understanding these practices is are just our idea of them but by practicing presence we learn to do these practices like be upright and
relax we learn how to practice being upright and relaxed
actually rather than just an idea of it
and then it's of course much easier
said make sense
yes they call upon the analogy as if i'm just thinking is out
the monastic for and and of on your your marriage analogy of a little bit when you come from a family and mary married to another family yes it is a blending process yes in a stress me
in the monastic said
he was a very consistent had a family style of which practicing so now you're blending with his other family style and
i'm just wondering if if that even brings up being caught your the traps of being caught in the idea of being mindful you have an idea of what your family style as now you have to blend with his other family style that is not found you're coming from and that seems that the increase for challenges i feel for the lay person to remain up
right with the family style is all also challenge
as to whether they simply are practicing idea that family style that's that seems a little different than being monastic we don't have so much that blended challenge facing
it makes sense
it makes perfect sense and i but i have i have a feeling like i maybe i disagree with you in in some sense
blending of family styles
i i do not disagree with that some situations might seem easier than others
i know that that that's the case

so whatever situation we're in
it seems to me that what i'm proposing is we finally we tried to find some form that we can practice together with somebody who is giving us that form
and the aisle and it's possible to do that with your spouse that your spouse would give you a form to work with
and so yeah i see your spouse could give you a form to work with and you can accept that former work with that form and your spouse could help you are possibly verify that you're practicing presence with that form
whether the form that response offers to you is a blending of her family and your family or his family and your family whether that's the blending or not i'm not so concerned with i'm just say why forms is your spouse offering to you was formed a you're offering to your
spouse what forms have been given to you and your spouse
what have what forms have been given to you and your family that you are you people in your family law agree these are the forms were going to work with
i think we need to be we need to for move we need to receive these forms correctly means there is a statement we need to receive these forms correctly correctly needs we need to be clear about what the forms were working on her
for example some families and the form of being on time or their families don't but still when you get together with somebody okay now we're together are we going to work on being on time are we going and where are we going to work on that practice of of setting times and meeting and being there at that time i were going to work on
that together
maybe yes okay and what does that mean
i can when you hear my different cultures with dummies different things some people means somewhere in the neighborhood within a range of several hours
but i would say that's not that's not what i would call the type of well anyway
for me anyway if you're talking to me i would say well i don't agree with that range of time so we need to correctly received the freezer from name is
there's no maybe there's no space about a taxi at that time and and we deal with what happens when is not at that time that's the one that's the basic i will i'm saying i'm in work with you with somebody else to say i wouldn't be online to work with you five minutes either way
so i can date is actually have a ten minute zone
meet you within a ten minute zone but it starts here in nz air
that's the that's an the because to form a user can be anything it can be anything
he used that and then you see okay we are reminded and present with this form
given our tremendous complexities of the background and brings to this form this is the form
do you agree to it
do you want to practice it do you aspire to it now in its student teacher relations as the teachers already seen something like that
and now is giving it to you
so you're not being a spouse relationship and could you could take turns or giving each other presets or you could say okay we don't have a teacher here this is not a tradition for making it up right now and i we suggest that you supplement
that kind of arrangement or use or her her realize that those kinds of relationships supplement her compliment a tradition that does the same thing
and it may be difficult to find a find these things but you don't have to find that many things to start just find something some form that you're going to use the practice president was the point of practicing presence
a practicing presence
you enter reality
an artifact his presence you need flexibility
and relaxation and uprightness you need that in order to align yourself with the thing because is changing all the time
all the phones by clear it's constantly changing too
so we need and then we'll find the form than which we practice
with the aid of all kinds of virtues are needed to realize this presence where tempers reality and then the presence which entrance reality in reality all the virtues which sponsored the the presence continue to be practiced
but i'm proposing that we need some particulars and we need to declare about what they are
and we need to be generous about finding them and agreeing on them and careful about that and patient with how much work this is
and then patient and generous and careful with how easy it is to get lost and start over again and to cook daily continually maintain this thing so when we receive a pizza from another or or agree on a precept with another
then we practice that we were together or not and will get back together we test we help each other check to see whether we practiced it
i'm hearing in your description there read it is for me the purpose of practicing these forms is cultivated intentionality
the monastic city it seems like there's a fairly high quality
wrong it seems a high quality
that would be a good not a good money monster
yeah but i like n n n in household that was called away household it's the same thing was going on that would you like effort you walk and
you sometimes see that is on household you see the way the parents care for the children you feel that is a preceptor that they're practicing and are quite mindful and quite present and quite relaxed
i'm quite upright with the way they did her their children it's there it is now
do they have helped
do they have a teacher and lot of a lot of parents do not have a teacher
even though they're doing quite well with the looks like they're practicing some precepts are quite well and if wonderful
maybe their teacher was their own parents are not around or sometime come to visit
so yeah there's a lot of good things about my monastery practice and these lay people who are in this room right now are using some of the forms which lay people in asia do not usually use a lot of lay people in asia who are in the buddhist tradition
and the main practice they use
his generosity that the and they also then move into ethics but again they do not necessarily work closely with a teacher about their ethics practice
and they they don't usually practice sitting in meditation which is another form you used to verify
presence because in the concentration is not just that you're focused it's also that you relaxed and open and flexible and alert it's not just focused it's open to focused and open and again to you to use a precept of ca
concentration practice
with a teacher
getting instruction practicing it is showing it
play person can do that to you are doing it


i can say

i despise


so you'd like to use the form of being aware of what you just described
yeah and ah and then who who in in a unit of family
so if you're leaving a big family
like gather san francisco city centre and you're going to another country who are you gonna be sharing this form with so i'm saying i say you need a family
don't you know the knows you're working on this form for you to tell them to show them how you're working on it and he and sometimes maybe tell them that you're kind of struggled because you haven't been working out very well and have them say you know working out words were totally there with you on that to you know year
sure if you get discouraged some antibodies did encourage encouragement from to continue this wonderful practice wonder for form you're using
some just heading out that although you may not be living in a monastery you do need a family still the body ciphers are still have to be in a family
but the the family can be a lay family not the holy family means there a lay person but they still have to work with a teacher i would say not just their spouse or make their spouse or teacher

one question

that intention
well i think the first thing is that you think maybe you feel like i don't i don't see anybody that's working on this right now i haven't yet found anybody who was working on this practice right now so i have to find somebody or i had to do i had to find some
muddy and i know how i don't know how much distance i can tolerate i know some people who i told us to back in california and they said
that's a good form and i support you to work on that and i support you to show me how you're working on that whenever we meet and if you've been working on as we met last i would like to see i would like to see the fruit of you're working on this form to realize the welfare of the world
are you don't know the people i think you don't have to find somebody
or say okay and i ain't nobody here knows i'm doing this practice nobody's gonna call me on it
and i'm not going to tell anybody i'm doing it and i'm not going to tell anybody i'm failing at it and i get discouraged or i'm embarrassed i'm not going to tell anybody like this
but i'm going to work on it anyway
and the people i'm working on it with i don't see because they live on another continent
when i go visit them i want to go back and i want to show them that i've been working on at eighty seven percent of the time festive that's how long i would like to go back and show them the fruit of been working on it so i'm still in the family but i don't see my family members very often
but there are people who had this were working in the same thing and they would actually help me if i met them they would be interested in me showing this practice because they're doing the same practice
they are doing the same practice of using this family style which i have just specified which they understand and agree to
in order for us them and me to realize we're not we're in the same family with all these people who had who don't have a precept and aren't practicing presence when the same family with them
and traditionally okay
like a story i told the monk was sent away from his teacher with the idea that he was gonna go do this practice and teach others how to do it
that he has been a form a new
little family for starters is gonna be little
so that's no understanding that you're going to go and find a family the other one is you're not going to find a family
but i think if you do this practice you will a family will be created eventually unless the practice to week in which case you should go back and study six more years so can go back to visit your teacher and you teacher says you've been away and it looks like you haven't been doing the practice i mean maybe you habit right just now
you didn't do it
and the kitchen towel if the teacher said you should stay here
i don't know how they work that out but the guy said i'm not ready to be out there so far because the practice is so weak that when i come back to my teacher i don't do it
so i think she's staying and have somebody who's calling me on and more frequently so now you're going away so are you ready to do the practice when people around you are not necessarily knowing that you have this intentions and they're not like watching his bare clinging to some separation between himself and me
are you doing that if they don't know they might not be watching you to see if you're doing what you want to do right
but if you do it if you're doing and they'll start picking up on it when they start picking up by if they're going to say what are you doing and you can explain this say i want to do that too let's make a little family and the does this practice
but it can start a zen center
and then people are going to be more likely to ask you what are you doing with your practice watch your form by the precepts are working on
are you being mindful of the separation between self and other
and if you do that and you search the core family as there's a family for me here
and i'm in trouble again i think i'll back to san francisco
so you're not going to get away from a family i think you're you're going to find a new one but when you first get there
it's kind of just dreaming to say you're in a family except in the same time i'm i'm in the same family with everybody all the time but hadaway form a particular family style
like again somebody use the word strictly merit for a while ago and i looked to where it up and the first meaning of strict is precise so we want to be precise but not pedantic as ts eliot says we want to have you were you just said was precise
the me to specified was quite precise and you wanna do that form strictly without being pedantic without being rigid but again the root of the word strict is title strict us the root of it is tight but the meaning of it is not just hide his pre
sys but it
an implication of strict is rigid so here rigid about this practice it'll break he wants it will work and also people won't be attracted to practice it but a few practices precisely without being pedantic without telling everybody in in germany that they should be doing this they will they will join you
there was they were because this is an excellent practice

i'm not saying you are pedantic i'm just saying we want to be
we want to be strict and precise
and flexible and upright
and sometimes let go of our idea of strict an upright and do with strict an upright
we want to be observing are deluded mind which imagines self another separate we want to take we want to be careful about we want to be compassionate towards their mind
when the mindful and kind to that mind
but also be careful of it
we want to be precise about oh i think i start here and end there this is i think this is my body and measured by be quite precise and i think there's a separation be quite precise and thorough and kind and present and you can use that form to enter reality
it's not twelve thirty we could go on for a couple more hours or we can we can have a break and eat some food in a very precise way
would that be okay how about some lunchtime now
thank you for your assistance and
a practice
i'm realizing
the welfare of the world
the function he could stand to the you can place
a team player as way against are numberless
how to save them the illusion is a disaster
how to let them
hey sarah are less
how to to them
as is unsurpassable to become