First, I want to thank you all and congratulate you on your wonderful sanghas here. I hear and understand how much you appreciate your teachers. how helpful they are to you. So I congratulate you on your sanghas and taking care of the practice pals. And I hope that the practice here thrives, even though Roger and Mitch are going to go up to North Carolina and practice up there somewhat, but hopefully I'll keep coming back here.

[01:06]

And so I have an extension of the Sangha, hopefully, up there in the lovely North Carolina mountains. Thank you for your wholehearted effort. helping each other and receiving each other's help. I want to review again this grandmother mind in the teaching of the ancestor Dogen. So I understand it to be that in a moment you give your actions of your mind to express the Buddha body, to express the Buddha way.

[02:30]

When you're walking, this walking is given to the Buddhas. Practice. When you're thinking, your thinking is given. You're thinking of giving your thinking. You're thinking of giving your walking. You're thinking of giving your speech. All your actions, in the moment, you give to the Buddha way. So that's part of the Grandmother Mind, this generous offering of yourself. That's part of it, in the moment. Another part of it is, is that the Grandmother Mind is partly that you right now give your life to the Buddha Way. Right now you give your life to live in the truth, right now.

[03:35]

But also you have this feeling in you that you appreciate this dharma baby so much, that you appreciate caring for this dharma so much that you really want to do it again and again. And you don't have to remind yourself hardly. You love it so much. Like a grandmother doesn't have to keep reminding herself to think about the welfare of her grandchildren. She naturally does. So part of it is being kind, but also, and generous, but in particular, giving yourself not just to one grandchild. The grandmother mind in this tradition is not just to be a grandmother or grandfather to your own friends, but to give yourself to the great Buddha way. give yourself to all beings, all Buddhas.

[04:42]

And yet you develop this to such a point that you open up to committing to do it every single moment. And as you find yourself remembering to do it because you love it, You feel this grandmother heart coming more and more alive. You don't have to... Oh yeah, what am I doing here again? Oh yeah, I'm giving myself to the Buddha way. I'm giving myself to the Buddha. I'm giving myself to the... That's what I'm doing. I remember now. That's good. And I remember it again. I love it. I'm doing it. It's happening. I'm so glad that I'm giving my life in this way. And I'm so glad that everybody's helping me. And that one more aspect of the grandmother mind, and that is that you understand you're not giving yourself to the Buddha way to get something, like enlightenment.

[05:57]

Giving myself to practice, that practice is the enlightenment. I'm not enlightened. The practice isn't enlightened. Practicing is enlightenment. So grandmother mind is giving yourself to the practice of all beings, giving yourself to the enlightenment of all beings, giving yourself wholeheartedly, giving yourself consistently, and also understanding that there's no duality in this gift. You're not trying to get anything, and there's no other Buddha way other than the one which is practicing the Buddha way. The last point is difficult to understand, and as I mentioned at the beginning, even our great ancestor Tetsugikai, who really was very generous and gave himself to the Buddha way, he still thought that there was something more to it than that.

[07:15]

And that's what his dear teacher had not yet understood. The enactment of the practice is the Buddha way. The Buddha way is enacting it. It's not something you can think about. It's only something . The Buddha is not somebody sitting there being a Buddha. The Buddha is the activity of all beings. But it's hard to get this point, so be patient if it keeps slipping out of your understanding. And I was going to say, into the trash bucket, which reminds me, if someone would help me get a boarding pass after we're done this morning on the computer, I'd appreciate it. No access here.

[08:17]

No internet access? Someone has a cell phone with it. You won't need to print it as long as you check in and you get the seats. You'll get it. So now I can go in a trash bucket. I just wanted to also say one other subtle point here. I said it to you before, I'll say it again. that part of, I think, one of Dogen's emphasis here is due to the fact of a historical event that happened, which was he received students, and some of these students on this teacher thought that whatever they did was the Buddha way. The fact that the Buddha way is all-inclusive, all-pervasive, they thought whatever they did would be the Buddha way. And one of the implications is that you practice precepts.

[09:21]

Because whether you practice precepts or not, whatever you do, it was practicing the Buddha way. So they use the expression, you know, even raising the hand or extending the foot, or lifting your foot or extending your hand, even those acts are the Buddha way. and no need to practice precepts. So this is kind of an antinomianism. And antinomianism means against the law, against the laws of morality, but also means it's not against them in the sense of thinking they're not necessary because all you have to do is have faith in something and you will have that salvation. Your conduct doesn't matter. And again, that's a subtle point because even, I think, even Dogen, you don't realize the Buddha way just by practicing precepts.

[10:29]

You have to understand the practice of precepts properly in order to enter. If you don't practice the precepts, you won't be able to understand the practice of the precepts properly. If you practice the precepts and you understand what's happening, then your practice of the precepts is given to the Buddha way and the Buddha way is given to you. But if you practice the precepts with some gaining idea or whatever, or think that you're doing them by yourself, and don't give them to the practice of Buddha, well, you're not practicing the precepts properly because you don't understand them, so you don't enter. But you can't understand them if you don't practice them. And when you practice them, you find out if you don't understand them properly. So you can discover, oh yeah, I think I'm doing the precepts, or I think I'm going to get something from them.

[11:33]

So you keep practicing them until you just practice the precepts, until you just give yourself the precept practice, and you just give the precept practice to the Buddha way. But it isn't... that just practicing the precepts with the wrong understanding is going to work. And also not practicing the precepts with the wrong understanding isn't going to work either. So Dogen, I think, would change the language from, it's not that everything you do is the Buddha way, but that you must make everything you do the Buddha way. So it's almost the same statement. The way is not correct, but making whatever I do the Buddha way, giving whatever I do to the Buddha way, offering whatever I do to the Buddha way is the Buddha way. It's kind of subtle, isn't it?

[12:36]

And it's easy to remember the antinomian understanding, namely, whatever I do is okay. I'm okay, man. It's easy to remember that. That's arrogance. Easy to be arrogant. But it's hard work to, while you're doing something, not just to feel okay about what you do, but to give what you do to all beings, to offer what you do to all Buddhas. That's harder to remember. That takes more attention and effort. So those are... And that's all. The practice is the same as the enlightenment. The practice done properly is enlightenment. And you have to have understanding to do the practice properly, which means you have to give up your misunderstanding of the practice and just do the practice with no misunderstanding. Or just sit means just sit with no misunderstanding.

[13:45]

Give up all your understandings or give all your understandings to the Buddha and then just sit without any understanding that you're holding. You understand that you should give all your understandings to Buddha. And then you're just sitting. All your stories about your sitting have been donated to the Buddha Fund. So now there's just sitting. Pure, simple, undefiled by anybody's ideas. And there's no other enlightenment than that. And to be devoted to this way of practice is Grandmother Mind. And as I've said in our ancestors, when you do give your body, speech, and mind to express, to enact the Buddha's body, in a moment, at that moment, the entire phenomena also

[15:22]

becomes the Buddha body, and the entire sky turns into enlightenment. And all beings join in this process and help each other. All beings join in the Buddha activity of teaching the inconceivable Dharma. And we can go on and on about how wonderful this is. And then the point I'd like to bring up at the end is all this wondrous, enlightening activity does not appear because it is unconstructedness and stillness. It is immediate realization. That which can be recognized is not realization itself. You can't have glimpses of realization, you can't have glimpses of the Dharma, but the Dharma is not your glimpse of it, and the realization is not your glimpse of it.

[16:32]

The realization is, as you say, unconstructed, is not reached by anybody's perception of it, although there can be a perception. So you distinguish between realization itself and perception of it. And people do have perception of it, and that perception is a big encouragement sometimes for them to dive into it and give up their perception in the process. You don't hold on to your perception of enlightenment when you enter it. And Lotus Sutra speaks of awakening to the Buddha's wisdom and entering enlightenment. So awakening to its great but end is the final stage. When you say the Buddha way is unsurpassable or the enlightening way is unsurpassable, I vow to embody it. Not just I vow to see it or perceive it, I vow to enter it.

[17:41]

So this unconstructed, the realization is a state. It's not an experience. Like Florida is a state. It's not an experience. You all have an experience of Florida. Florida is a state in which many people are having experiences of Florida. Right? But nobody's experience of Florida is Florida. Florida has hurricanes. Hurricanes are a state. They're not a perception. They're not an experience. You can experience a hurricane, but the experience of a hurricane is not a hurricane. Bodhi wisdom, Buddha's wisdom, is a state. It's an actual existential world of enlightenment. of all beings helping each other, that state.

[18:54]

And beings who are in that state, and everybody's in it, can have experiences of it. But the experiences are not the state, and the state is not an experience, although the state does totally embrace all experiences of it and everything else. Dogen says that which can be met with recognition is not realization itself. Or I should say, my story is. That's why Dogen says that. Normally we think of states as something that can come into existence, but you're talking about something that's inconceivable. So the state itself is inconceivable. It's an inconceivable state, yeah. And again, you could conceive of it as coming into existence and out of existence, but that's your conception of the state. That's not the state.

[19:57]

It's beyond the concept of coming into existence and going out. It's beyond constructions of beginning and ending. It includes all those constructions, but those constructions don't reach it. However, it can illuminate all those constructions so that the constructions turn into light and don't bother you. So it's impossible to think about it without making it an object of your mind. That's right. That's right. But it's not an object of your mind. It's actually your home. And you can make your home into an object of mind because you've got object-making equipment. which can make everything an object, including the world you live in, basically the world you live in, and also the good things in the world you live in and the troublesome things. You can make them all into objects. Your mind can do that. But actually, which is more than just what you make of them.

[21:03]

Just a second, please. I want to say one more thing just as kind of a little story that I was thinking this morning when I crossed and I kind of missed when I was crossing my leg donating leg crossing to the Buddha Way. But I sort of entered that awareness before I was done. Since I broke my leg, I've been having some challenges in leg-crossing activity. But this morning it was rather nice and smooth and joyful. I thought of this Zen master named Yuen Mun. He's a Zen master who, there's more stories about him in the Blue Cliff record than any other.

[22:13]

So he's a very highly appreciated Zen teacher in China. I think his leg was broken by his teacher. But anyway, his leg got broken. And as a result of that, sort of from his enlightenment onward, from his awakening onward, he wasn't able to sit in full lotus anymore. And the story is that just before he died, he did something to his legs. Some people say he broke it. Some people say he dislocated it. But anyway, somehow, when he didn't think he'd have to walk anymore, he did something to his legs so he could cross them, and then he died cross-legged. So when I crossed my legs, I was thinking of him today. And then I was thinking, I thought it would be so great if I could just go back in time and go to China, go into his community and watch him teach.

[23:24]

It would really be neat to see Yint Man teaching. Now, my Chinese isn't very good, so I probably wouldn't know what he was saying, but still, just to watch the great Chinese Zen master teach, I thought that'd be great. And I thought, if we could just go back and see Shakyamuni teach, just for half an hour or an hour. And again, even if he was speaking a language that I didn't understand, it still would be great just to see him teaching his students. And maybe somebody would say, Master, there's a visitor from America. Could you speak in English for him? Maybe he wouldn't know how. But he might think, I don't know English, but bring him over. I'll do something for him. And I thought, yeah, and how about

[24:26]

how about seeing Dogen? People go back and see Dogen teach for just a little while. And I thought, oh yeah, and how about seeing Suzuki Roshi for a little while? Anyway, I... I'm happy that I would like to meet those teachers and hear those teachers. I'm very happy that I would like to. Even though I can't, I feel good about my heart wanting to see them. Even if I couldn't understand what they were saying in literal terms, I would really love to see their body and hear the sound of their voice and see how their students responded. That would be wonderful. And then again, one more thing is that this state of wisdom, of Buddha's wisdom, which I want to give my life to, which I want to give myself to.

[25:52]

For example, when there's leg crossing happening, I want to give my leg crossing to this Buddha's wisdom. I want to give my life and my activity to this unconstructedness in stillness, stillness in silence, stillness in silence, where no human construction, no human consciousness reaches it, And it can illuminate all human consciousness. I want to give myself, I want to dive into this stillness. And this stillness, my mind and what it knows, enter. Silent stillness of realization. And then leave. And then enter. And leave. The realization is all around us, all throughout us, and it's the still silent part of the intuition.

[27:01]

It's the part which is right here, which no consciousness reaches. And it has the function of illuminating all consciousness. It's going on, and we have the opportunity to join it, to enter it, all the time. Thank you for practicing with me this weekend. If there's any final gifts you'd like to offer the Sangha, the Buddha, we have a little bit more time, looks like. Yes, please come. So you said... Could you speak up, please?

[28:08]

You said you would like to hear Siddhartha Buddha talking. And see him. Seeing him. I'm surprised whether to hear or see, I don't know. I'd like to have both, actually. So if you get that feeling of this warmth, From my experience, I don't want to give it to the Buddha way. So how do you do that? Did you say when you get that feeling of warmth, you give it to the Buddha way? Yeah. Well, then you confess that you don't want to be generous. So give that to the Buddha. Yes, right. So you go to Buddha and say, Buddha, I'm so happy to meet you, and I don't want to let go of you. I confess, now that I've met you, I want to hold on to you a while. And Buddha says, I hear you. I understand. I used to be like that too. Before I was enlightened, I was just like you. And so confess, if you're holding on to some Dharma treasure, confess that you're holding on to it,

[29:19]

then maybe you'll be able to let go. I confess. Still, I hold on to it. Yeah, well, just keep confessing. Eventually, you'll give it away when you've had enough of it. And another question that comes to mind is talking about Florida. Yes, Florida. Florida. Can you hear me okay, Phil? Yeah. If I think about the path itself, there is no enlightenment, there's no destination to go to. There's no enlightenment besides the path. Besides the practice, there's no enlightenment. But people think there is. So it's like... If I want to understand you saying all these things, so if I hang around here where I come to San Francisco or see you teach there, but it's just still not going to be really understanding it.

[30:29]

It's just going to be my understanding of it. Now, if you, in all these activities you're describing, and if you give yourself, to those activities completely. That will be the understanding. Could you repeat that again? If you give yourself to the practice completely, there will just be the practice. There will be no you anymore. You will be into the practice. And when there's just the practice, not excluding you, but you've allowed yourself to be donated to the practice. So now we just have the practice. We have not you and the practice, but we just have practice. And you could say you practice without you being an addition to practice. So now you have practice. That's the enlightenment. There's no other enlightenment than just the practice. Most people who are trying to practice, they think there's me practicing.

[31:35]

So me practicing, the me practicing part isn't. So then me practicing, then there's like practice and enlightenment. But when there's just practice, there's not practice and enlightenment. When you give yourself to the practice, how do I Tomorrow. I don't know. But one thing you probably will remember is that you don't want to give yourself. Nobody has to remind you of that. If you forgot that, that would be fine. If you forget not to give yourself, that's going to be great. Because you are giving yourself. But if you forget you're not, you might notice that you are. Because you are. And if you remember to give yourself, fine. And then you say, I heard instruction to give myself to the practice, but I don't want to.

[32:44]

Well, then you give yourself to the practice of confessing that, which you just did. So you might not be able to remember the practice, but you can confess that you can't remember the practice. You can confess I crossed my legs, but as I crossed them at the beginning of the crossing, I didn't make it a gift. I was just crossing them, but I could have made the crossing a gift. I missed it. But then when I remembered, it was much more joyful to finish the crossing. Because I wasn't just crossing my legs. The leg crossing was a gift to all of us. It was joyful. But I remembered, I noticed that I missed the chance to offer the activity I was involved in. to the Sangha, to the Buddha, and to the Dhamma. So even if you can't remember and realize the practice, if you confess that you're , you will enter it. And you can notice that, obviously.

[33:46]

This morning I was reading your book, Being Upright. Being Upright, yes. And the chapter I'm reading is about the first preset. What a joy that was reading, just really. Thank you. You're welcome. Sometimes people tell me they're reading the book sitting upright, and I think that's a wonderful mistake. And I also just want to mention, in case you didn't know, that in my opinion bodhisattvas do make mistakes. However, they confess them. And bodhisattvas learn from their mistakes.

[34:54]

So if you make mistakes, you can still be a bodhisattva. and disclose them and learn from them. Yes. Roshi, I wish you could see yourself teach. I wish I could, too. But I'd be busy. Because I think... Somebody gave me a... video of myself to watch, and I thought, I've just got other things to do. It's hard. Well, we didn't have other things to do. And I think this weekend we got to experience your wish. You got to experience my wish? Oh, okay. I think we got points as those teachers that you'd like to see teach. Well, I'm happy to help you see them. I guess they are back there behind me somewhere. Yeah, no doubt.

[36:01]

Right? Lynn Davis photographed you with the book. Yeah, they're watching from behind. Yeah, you know it. Right. The Buddha's in Lynn Davis. Yeah. That's an insight we'll tell you later. I also just wanted to say with regards to this weekend in general, At the risk of reinforcing my stereotype, it strikes me a little bit like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. And, you know, as this weekend ends and as the movie ends, right, and you see the house came back down as we're getting prepared to leave. And she wakes up in her bed and she says something like, you know, and you were there and you were there and you were there. And parts of it were awful, but mostly it was wonderful. The wonderful Wizard of Oz.

[37:03]

That's right. And in thinking about coming here this weekend, you know, and I had the privilege of being here last year, and that thought runs through my mind of like, gee, you know, we'll be as good as last year. Well, it'd be like in comparison, that tendency to compare. And then two of my favorite expressions are, one of them is, you know, a blueberry never reaches Boston, right? Because obviously by the time it gets to Boston, it's lost something. You can never go home for the same reasons. And so, of course, this wasn't just like last year, but it was really great in its own way. Really pleased to have been able to be here. Thank you for coming. Thank you, Roger, for organizing this. And thank you, Sensei, for all your support when I'm in South Florida and otherwise.

[38:08]

This morning I was thinking about... I bet she can't hear you. Okay. This morning... This morning... What's your secret? I was reading about the weekend and you were talking about all other faiths and religions and being one and how we all are basically doing the same thing just in different ways. We just disagree, that's all. And how one of the things that followers are told in the Christian faith is to be a vessel. And how I felt like you were encouraging us to be more like sieves or colanders. And I had this sensation of being a sieve. And you're talking about entering and leaving and entering and leaving. And I just felt a great sense of joy with that and the feeling that we're all, everyone is very holy.

[39:52]

So thank you. I thank you very much for being here. I was here last year, and I mean, it was all together. And I really want to thank you. I have a question. Could you speak up? I have a question. Actually, earlier in the session, you talked about how in coming to the West, the Zen teachings were sort of changed from the whole idea of entering into one of experience here in the West.

[40:56]

Right. And in many ways in the West, that's how it's presented. You're saying today in many ways that is perhaps an incorrect... It's not exactly incorrect. I wouldn't go as far as to say it's incorrect. I would just say it's not the way Dogen taught, for example. It's not the way Asians practice. It's a minor thread in Asian Buddhism to think of enlightenment as an experience that a person has. that presentation of it, some of the people in the East thought the Westerners would have an easier time with that, and they were right. They reduced Buddhism to a form and told people that that was the true Buddhism without telling them that that was a reduction and that very few of their compatriots would agree with that.

[41:57]

that the people in Southeast Asia and people in Japan thought, particularly people who were concerned with presenting their tradition in a way that the West would understand, and also wanting the West not to destroy their tradition because they thought it was bad. They said, oh, we have a tradition, our tradition is really very compatible with yours. So in some ways, there's some benefit to that, that Westerners didn't crush Buddhism because these people presented it in a way that they found amenable. Well, to our Western notion of salvation and being saved, it was an experience that's very comprehensible. You also mentioned, though, about having glimpses. Yes. And I was wondering if you could talk about how does that sort of feeling of entering Well, like, in the Lotus Sutra it says that the Buddhas are born from the desire to open beings to the Buddha's wisdom, to demonstrate the Buddha's wisdom.

[43:16]

to help people awaken to Buddha's wisdom and enter Buddha. The awakening helps people dare to enter. So it's that glimpse that basically allows one, gives one the energy and the courage to enter. Yeah, to realize, to have a glimpse of it and realize it doesn't destroy you, you know. You don't like, it doesn't hurt you. And so you say, well, maybe I could go all the way and like give this away, keep my understanding away now, this wonderful understanding, and just plunge all the way in and live with these bodhisattvas and buddhas without even holding on to anything. But I see that there's nothing to hold on to and it doesn't kill me, I don't have to hold on to anything, so now I can enter. So it is part of the process. And some people don't even notice that they wake up, they just enter. And their awakening is their resistance drops away.

[44:18]

Find themselves, you know, in this world, and then because they have some understanding, they don't hold on to it, and they maintain a close relationship to people who aren't in that world, and they have the bodhisattvic activity. Thank you. Suzukiro, she said that the Kensho or Satori is a big encouragement to practice. After you have that kind of insight, then you feel kind of more or less unhindered in your devotion to the practice. So it is helpful. But it's not the actual Buddhist state. Because I've sort of taken up the practice after having what you'd call an experience, and it was realizing afterwards what teaching matched that experience. it helps so it helps unless you hold on to it or try to get it again or anything like that because usually many people say I've heard this many many times that the experience comes and is a big encouragement and then people keep spending all their time trying to get it again and it's not really appropriate because they didn't get it the first time by their trying to get it or they were trying to get it and they stopped trying to get it and then it came

[45:49]

Because it isn't something you'll get, it's something that's given to you by reality. And then after you get it as a gift, you try to, and then you can't hold on to it anymore, you try to get it. But then people know that's not the way to get it. But then after a while they start, well, maybe I'll have to forget about trying to get it and I'll just give myself. And they give themselves and then it comes again. But again, it is not the point. The point is giving yourself. The way is the point, not that you have an experience of it, but experiences. Some great teachers have lots of experiences like that, but they don't have nearly as many experiences like that as they do moments of living the practice, innumerable moments of living the practice, and maybe thousands of times of having experiences, or one, or zero. One's enough. Hopefully that will be enough, yeah.

[46:51]

Thank you. I want to thank you, people that support me. She thanks you all. To give me love and also compassion. When I began the retreat, I was sad. And to set out, you know, because I received the support. I received advice again, love, give me a hug when I was needed, tie my hand when I was needed.

[47:54]

It was so beautiful. And right now I feel this coming. That's it. I would like to ask you a little lesson of English. English is not my mother tongue. I can go and look in a dictionary, but I would prefer if you would clarify the words for me, because then I get what you have in your mind. Something negative or something that you don't like comes to you to be gracious with it. Yes. What, to be gracious, what does it mean in your mind? Well, gracious, one thing gracious means is like gracias.

[48:56]

Thank you. Thank you. Whatever comes, whatever comes, thank you. That's one meaning. And you said when something comes that you don't like, if you don't like it, you already sort of missed the chance. Something comes, you don't just accept it and say thank you. It comes and you say no thank you. But then you say thank you. And you say thank you to the thing and also you say thank you to the no thank you. But gracious, when someone comes, if someone who you like is not exactly gracious, because you like them, It's gracious when somebody you like comes, but you would let them in even if you didn't let them.

[49:59]

It's not... You try to get them, welcome them, and also you let them go. It's a big openness. It's a big openness, but it's also active that you give to the person or you give to the thing. You say, thank you. And again, it's thank you, but not trying to get anything by saying thank you. And this is something to learn to do, to say thank you to. people and things no matter what. Like, you get sick, say thank you. It's not I like being sick, it's thank you. If you're sick, you got enough problems, maybe. Here's sickness. You don't have to make it worse by saying no, thank you, or trying to, or hate it. So now, no, now you're sick,

[51:03]

That's good. Now you can say, thank you. So you're sick and you're gracious. Or you could say, you're sick and you're Buddha. Buddha says thank you to everything that comes. Thank you for coming so I can practice with you. Thank you for coming so I can be gracious with you. Thank you for coming so I can practice precepts with you. Thank you for coming so I can be patient with you. Thank you for coming so I can be concentrated with you. Thank you, world. Thank you, thing. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Learn that. I have so much that I want to share with the Sangha that I to begin how to choose what to talk about because I could go on for maybe an hour or two.

[52:30]

But one thing I would definitely like to share is how life gives us so many beautiful lessons if we are quiet enough to listen. And one of the lessons that life gave me this weekend was I was looking in the books in our rooms to see where to leave our sheets, and I saw about the labyrinth in the front of the building. There's the front of the building. There's a labyrinth, and they say you walk the labyrinth with a quiet mind and a meditative mind. And I didn't read the whole thing, but I read enough to know that this sounds interesting, and I'm open to all faiths and all practices, so of course I must go and walk the labyrinth. So after sitting this morning, I went out to walk the labyrinth, and I found it to be such a metaphor for life.

[53:36]

I started the path and I thought, well, I'll just be quiet and see what life has, what the path has to offer me. And I could feel the energy of those who have walked before and I remember some they came into the Zendo and they felt the energy from the Zen from the sitting in the Zendo and of course that energy is not outside us we're not feeling the energy that's outside us we're feeling of course we can only feel what's inside us it's inside us and I continued walking on the labyrinth And, you know, it's a small circle, and it was taking so long. It just went on and on and on and on. And I started thinking, how long is this going to take? Zazen, I'm going to be in time for Zazen.

[54:42]

But I want to finish the labyrinth and really experience it. So I thought, well... If it gets too late, I'll just leave and I'll go into the Zendo. And I kept walking the labyrinth. And finally, I just shut up. And I followed the path. And until I came to the end. And it was beautiful. One other life lesson. Very short. I was... There was a... of ibis flying circling overhead and they came to land in a tree and there was a big black grackle already in the tree and the ibis landed on different branches not the same branch at But the grackle could not abide that those ibis were in the same tree as him.

[55:47]

And he started swooping and chasing the ibis away and they started flying away and he was chasing them. And then they were content to share the tree with him. But then they started chasing him and the ibis were chasing the grackle and they were all flying about until they all flew away and nobody got the cheese. So I let other people speak. Thank you. Wow, Roshi, just thank you for coming and sharing your practice with us, and sharing the spirit of your practice, and it's very generous, and you're very generous.

[56:52]

Thank you. Thank you, Roger. First of all, I'd just like to say that the sensation that I had illness in the morning sit was being cradled by all beings and it was very beautiful and I hold that. Last night I was invited to on Chinese medicine, and I went to this person's house, and when I came in, she said, thank you so much for coming, and I know this is a big deal to have left your retreat.

[57:56]

And I said, well, actually, I left a group of Buddhas, and now I'm entering this group of Buddhas, so I really haven't left. So in the talk, somehow it came around to people who were very interested in the practice, and I told them about the beautiful dance of practice and how forms come together in this wonderful dance of chanting and moving and sitting. And so at the end of the night, there was a choreographer from the Florida Ballet and he ran and he got the music and everyone got up and started dancing to the Buddha Bar. And it was just really a wonderful experience to have all these people, you know, doing their, you know, just manifesting this wonderful, lighthearted Buddha.

[59:00]

And the reason that I tell this story is because so often, you know, the business of Zen, you know, it seems... i don't know so serious and for for me you know i felt such a joy this weekend and it was just really nice to experience that joy and that so thank you and thank you for bringing the dharma When I was 27, I was the director of the San Francisco City Center, and I was also the ENO. I guess people thought I was pretty strict about...

[60:07]

the forms in my expression as Eno in charge of the meditation hall. And someone had trouble with me being kind of strict. But then someone kind of wisely observed that, I forgot how they put it, but that By me providing this, Suzuki Roshi could come in and provide his gentleness. And it's nice to have the two, to put some strict form out there, show how to be gentle with it. But it's kind of hard to be gentle with something when it's not clear what it is. We haven't agreed with the form.

[61:09]

I remember one guy wanted to come to a session, and he wanted to come just for part-time, you know. And we had the policy of sitting the whole thing. And I was the ino, and I said, no, you have to do the whole session. So then he went to talk to Suzuki Roshi, and Suzuki Roshi said something. I forgot what Suzuki Roshi said, something like, well, If that's what Tenjin San says, I guess you have to do it. Or something like that. Or maybe he said, I'm sorry that he's so strict, or something. But anyway, the nice thing about Zen is that people hear that it's quite strict, and they go to the Zen Center anyway. And then once they accept the strictness, and learn how to work with it, they find joy.

[62:14]

But if they hear some place's strictness stay away, it's kind of hard to find joy because they're afraid of strictness. So we're not really strict. If we're not strict, we just use some strictness or some clarity and form as a way to become free of strictness and not-strictness. But if you have not-strictness, it's kind of hard to figure out what... because everybody's all over the place. We have no way to... There's no point to offer feedback and to show people that strictness isn't the point, nor is not-strictness. So yeah, it's like we sort of need a little heaviness or strictness to find lightness. We need a little heaviness to find lightness. And if people are afraid of heaviness, they don't find lightness. They just get heavier. You sink into avoiding the heaviness, so you become a servant of the heaviness.

[63:18]

But if you say, okay, Like, well, you know, you maybe get attracted by lightness, and then you find out that the lightness training program is heaviness. So I wasn't attracted to stories of heaviness of Zen monks. I was attracted to their lightness, to their freedom, to their generosity. To be generous when you're being robbed, or to be light when you're being criticized, and also be light when you're praised. But then I found out they had a training course. The training course is a little bit heavy. Like they talk about Zen heavies, right? Not Zen light. So if we're willing to go down into the dark cave of the green dragon, you know, if we're not afraid of that and we're willing to go in there, we can find a way to be kind of relaxed with the dragon. And then we can be light even in the dark The point is not dark, cold, cave.

[64:24]

The point is warm, brilliant compassion and wisdom. But if we're afraid of something serious and something rigorous and something heavy, if we're shy away from that, then we should be close to that light and the warmth. So that's the nice thing about our practice is that it offers a way for us to willingly enter into a challenging situation and then have a real good time. Well, you've lightened me up. Thank you. So, yeah, so how to use these forms and be really thorough and light. This is the challenge. So they're wonderful opportunities. Yeah.

[65:25]

I think we have a little bit more time. Oh. I've got a couple of things I'd like to offer. Lightness. I like The monastery I train at has a reputation for being kind of sticking the asses in, very strict and whatnot. I don't know. When I entered, I didn't really realize that. I had to deal with a lot of real fear around getting into the training positions, all of the stuff that goes along with it. oh my God, I'm doing this, this is new, and they're going to get criticized, and they're going to think I'm... And they start you out with relatively simple positions, and then you move on into positions that are more involved.

[66:34]

At one point, I... I don't know whether it was a session or a residency. I was assigned to be a Jikido, which is the timekeeper. And this is just a very intense experience. There's a lot of responsibility and whatnot. The guy who was training me was just a goofball, the monk. He was just wonderful. And by the time we were laughing so hard at the mistakes we were making together, And yet, here we are, there's a hundred people and they didn't know what was going on. Everything was moving along very nicely. It was just hysterical. I do. We do, I should confess. But what you're saying sounds so much like it. And this issue of strictness and what comes out of practicing it is freedom.

[67:49]

And so I guess, I don't know, I scratch my head a little bit, you know, having experience and going into Zen training kind of like a blind idiot. In the way are there wise ones and fools? The Heart Sutra? Is it the Heart Sutra? The identity of relative absolute. Among human beings are wise ones and fools, but in the way there is no northern or southern patriarch, something of that sort. Well, anyway, practicing this discipline to me has left me much freer than I could ever have imagined I would be. Facing those challenges has given me a tremendous amount of strength to deal with what life brings me day to day.

[69:04]

And like the labyrinth, it's just facing it. And all of a sudden, wow, there it is. You're done. You've got it. And of course, then you move on to the next thing. There's a little parlor trick, which I don't know if I've showed you. I think I've shown some other people. I'm not sure whether I should even bother right now. Are you familiar with... Maybe not. What's that? Maybe not. Okay. I do want to thank you for giving me another context for which to see the... Your kindness is extraordinary.

[70:07]

And I really appreciate how that's helped to open me up to the teachings. Roshi, hearing you speaking, I've heard your presence. I heard Suzuki speaking, I heard Shakyamuni speaking. It was a great experience. To the Sangha, I would like to say To all your stories of suffering and joy, the first time I understood ordinary mind is Buddha mind. It is such an opening to me.

[71:14]

I have closed myself from other human beings for a long time. Maintain the path to myself. I was prepared to give myself away. Thank you for helping Yeah, I just wanted to say, too, thank you all so much for being brave, for being committed, and for sharing yourselves. And I will say a couple of things, too, I guess. Thank you. Howard?

[72:16]

Yes, sir. Thank you for giving me the word pithy. Remember one day at breakfast, it wasn't directed to me, but I thought it was such a terrible word. I thought it was such a terrible word. Then I realized, I've been pissing. It's terrific. Terrific. So, how would you say? Yeah, yeah. That's a compliment, isn't it? Yeah, I didn't get it. I said, that sounds terrible. Because, you know, for years, at least 30 years or more, and people in our community will attest to this, they're probably bored of it, they hear my stories and tales or whatever, but people would respond, I would, when asked how I image, what would I respond? Satisfied. It was just a spontaneous thing. And it was always there that that person was the Buddha giving me the opportunity to get back. It was never any question. What a magical gift that was.

[73:18]

I was bored of it. But I made it a teaching. And I just insisted. So I just offered it. People say, hi, how are you? Satisfied. I'm bringing you back, if need be, in the sense of bringing you back. Let it come up. Let the Buddha be there. Right in the middle. Now they ask me, how are you doing? I say, it's... If you ask me how I feel, then I'll tell you, give me a dollar, I'll show you. In any event, really, the little things that come up, sometimes I flight about in a pithy way. I was been nourished by the Buddha. Never questioned that. There's one story that I'd like to share before we get to housekeeping, you know, all that kind of stuff. And many of you probably heard it, but I think you'll hear it well.

[74:21]

And if it serves, again, as a reminder for you and myself and for the world, then it's of value. The story goes, and this is M. Scott Peck told us years ago, about the monastery and the church. These monks would live together for a long time, and as you well know, things can get a little touchy. And the irritations and such spread to the churchgoers, and they sort of dropped off. So they decided that they would have to do something about this. So they went to the forest, and there was a sage hermit rabbi. And they invited him to the monastery to come assist them. He comes and he lives there for six months. Six months, much like now, they gather together all the monks and they want the report.

[75:26]

They say to one rabbi, what should we do? I said, what should we do? And he said, didn't you learn anything while you were here? I said, oh yeah, I learned one thing. And he goes one by one, looks at each one of them, at every one of them, goes around the room without missing a beat, without missing a beat, in the sense that one of you is the Messiah. So which one of you in here, or is it all? Which one of you is the Buddha? Just look. When you're standing in line at the supermarket and you had that, you know, you shared that.

[76:30]

That, to me, was that. We've done that at restaurants. I just sit there and look. Which one is the Buddha? Look up.

[76:38]

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