enacting the wondrous dharma. Or you could say enacting the true dharma, or intercedable dharma, subtle dharma, ungraspable dharma. It's ungraspable, but it can be enacted. Like a dance. You can't even grasp a dance. But you can enact it. Or it can be enacted by you and the whole world. You can conceive of a dance, but conceiving of a dance is just a dance.

[01:01]

A dance is very subtle. And everything is very subtle. And nothing can be grasped. But the subtle, ungraspable fruit of all things can be enacted, can be lived. And in fact, there's no world around it. We are always living the truth. so-called evil karma, but anyway, because of our karma, because of our karma, which is basically our thinking, karmic karma is our thinking, past thinking, we have some, with some kind of thinking, some fingers to realizing this dance between all of us.

[02:14]

this wondrous dance that we're getting together. It's some kind of obstruction to it, some kind of distraction from it, like getting concerned with what we're thinking sometimes. in acting that our thinking is wonderful and is beautiful and is ungraspable and is inconceivable. So let me say, as has been said before, all things are engaged in Buddha activity, in Buddha work.

[03:27]

All things are engaged in Buddha activity. And Buddha activity is inactive. Buddha action is the action of the truth. Buddha activity is to teach, to demonstrate the inconceivably wonderful truths. And all things are involved in this demonstration, including the instructions to the realization of this demonstration. ...chanted that we vow with all beings from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the truth wondrous done. We vow to hear how all things are doing the work of teaching us the truth.

[04:45]

We vow to hear the truth. We vow to hear the truth. And upon hearing it, no doubt will arise in us. So when you hear this, when you hear this, true dharma from anything. No doubt arises. And if there is a doubt, you hear the dharma from the doubt. The doubt also expounds the dharma. And you won't lack faith when you're hearing it, you won't lack faith. Like right now, maybe somebody's Maybe there's some hearing. If you're not hearing, there isn't any lack of faith.

[05:47]

And then we shall, in that situation, we renounce worldly affairs. Let go of worldly affairs. Which means whatever you're doing becomes a gift. And whenever your doing becomes a gift, you renounce for it. Worldly affairs are basically affairs that are given. Anything I'm doing that's not a gift, that I don't want to be a gift and understand as a gift, that's a worldly affair. So when you hear the true dharma, then everything you're doing is giving. And when you hear this two times, not only is everything you're doing giving, you have no doubt that everything you're doing is giving.

[06:59]

But you also understand that that giving is not one-directional. It isn't just that your body is a gift. to others is that your body is a gift from others, and that your body is a giving body, and your body is also a receiving body. When your body's like that, you don't have, you understand that this isn't a worldly body. There really is no worldly body. You don't have a worldly body. I don't either. You have a gracious body that is expounding the inconceivable dharma. You have a dharma. That's the body you actually have. And that's the body other people have, too.

[08:06]

according to some people who speak. And some people who speak Japanese and Chinese say pretty much the same thing in their native tongues. And also in India, people have this teaching. Everything is teaching. Bodies The bodies of all things are giving, and the bodies of all things are receiving. And this is simultaneously the work of Buddha, is to demonstrate his giving and receiving. And Buddha can be a person, a human person, It can appear as a human person, but it can appear as a non-human person, and it can also appear as not a person, but as a mountain.

[09:19]

And it's found the Dharma. The Buddha is the activity of expounding the Dharma. That's the Buddha. But human beings are so human beings, that it's convenient to have Buddha Man first as a human being, so we could get turned on, because we're so turned on by human beings. Mountains are fine, too, but not everybody, when they look at a mountain, really feels like the mountain's looking back. And most people are not scared of mountains, at least when they're standing at the bottom of it and looking up. So mountains are fine to teach, and they do teach, and some people hear it in teaching. And because of that, we see the Buddha manifesting, the Buddha work manifesting as a mountain teaching in Sodom.

[10:29]

But some people can actually feel uncomfortable about this, that the Buddha is a person. It's true, but it's not just that. Only one of the ways that that the activity of Dharma teaching can appear through Dharma bodies, Dharma teaching bodies like ours, so that we can wake up to that. Because somehow without that message, without that exposition, we do not realize it. And before you realize it, you usually have to also receive instructions about how to practice. So as I was saying last night, practice is to have a practice given. To practice making a thinking

[11:35]

thinking of giving. Always think of giving. Otherwise, you might think of something besides giving. You do think something, so make it thinking of giving. Make it think of teachings, the precepts of the Buddhas. of patience, make it think of being diligent, make it think of concentration, make it think of wisdom. Give it to these practices. When you hear Sri Dharma, you will be like that. And when you train that way, you will hear, then you will hear the true Dharma. And when you hear the true Dharma, it's easier, much easier, to make everything given, which is, again, to renounce worldly affairs, to renounce distractions from the practice of enacting the true Dharma.

[12:56]

Before you tune in to the Dharma all the time, before you hear it all the time, then it's advised that you practice. What? Practice making your action the enactment of the Dharma. And then again, it's also came up the question, well, what if I notice I'm trying to control people, or I'm trying to command people, or dominate people, because I think it would be good for them if I controlled them into a harmless condition? What if I think I have to save people?

[14:01]

Well, then there's a practice for when you are distracted from what you've done, and you're thinking that the world's a place where you're not being generous, you're being controlling. And you just ... that you're trying to control. And you notice, and you probably notice that self's a feeling there, some feeling that something's off to try to control somebody. If I don't have a... if I'm... like I'm trying to control someone and I don't have... if I think I'm trying to control someone, my thinking is to control somebody, myself or others, and I'm losing track of that being really giving, then I probably have some feeling there. There is a feeling there, and the feeling is an uncomfortable feeling, a feeling of alienation from the truth, because we're involved in violating the truth.

[15:18]

We're involved in violating the teaching. For example, the Bodhisattva precepts, one of the newest, praising yourself at the expense of others. by thinking you know better than a child what to do with the street. I know that that street's a dangerous place and the child doesn't know. But that doesn't necessarily mean knowing better. The child knows that it's a playground. And you've indeed lost sight of that. It actually for heroes. It's a playground for bodhisattvas. It's a playground for the teaching of the wondrous dharma. That's what it is, actually. The child sees that to some extent. He thinks it's only a dangerous, potentially harmful area.

[16:26]

It's not just that. The gun is being caught in the busy streets in Chinatown, and it's also being taught on the sidewalks. It's also being taught in the shops on the other side of the sidewalk. Everywhere is a heroic arena. So the adult thinks the street's dangerous. Also, the shops are dangerous because if the grandson goes into the shops, then the shop people are going to be... So I have to protect them from him, from the street, and also I have to protect him from me, me dominating him. And I have to protect me from being enchanted by him. This, I'm now immersed in worldly affairs right now. This is worldly thinking. This is not seeing through the true Dharma.

[17:30]

It's coming at me through all these mediums. I don't see it, so I confess. I'm out of it. But if I confess it now, here in the street, maybe my eyes will open and I'll see, hey, I'm not smarter than him. I'm just different. So, let's go in the street together. You want to go in the street? Okay, sweetheart, let's go. One time I was in the bathtub with my daughter. Her mother was out of town for the weekend or something. he said, let's go in the kitchen and get all the dishes and put them in mom's bed and break them. Sound dangerous?

[18:32]

Sounds potentially a harmful situation? But in this case, I didn't think, oh, I'm better than her. What's good? And it's not good to put tissues in your mom's bed and break them. So I said, okay, let's go. And she said, no. They see danger, someone sees danger, and they want to try it. You say, okay, and they say, no. They see danger, let's go, and go with them.

[19:35]

No, the dog's getting scared. Anyway, there's a playfulness in this diamond practice. But if you can't play, You can confess, I'm skipping up. I don't see, I don't hear the true Dhamma. I confess. I think I know better than somebody, or that somebody knows better than me. I can't see play. I don't see that I'm teaching the Dhamma. Okay, I confess that. And I feel, I feel kind of uncomfortable with this. And then I'm ready to. So you can identify when you're flinching from the tricks, when you think you can't play, when you think you can't give up what you're doing, when you think you can't make what you're doing a gift.

[20:38]

I can't see and I can't see what you're doing as a gift. I confess it. I don't think you're a gift. I think, well, I can see, I think you're challenged, but I guess pretty good, because I've heard challenges are gifts. By confessing that I don't see the challenges that you're offering me as gifts, and giving you the power of that confession and that repentance, and that's the way to root. of slipping away from hearing and seeing how everything is. Giving the true Dharma to me, and giving the true Dharma to everything, and how that is the true Dharma. It's the way we're giving it to each other, and it's what we're giving each other. So it's pretty subtle how to hear the kudan, pretty subtle, how to hear the cedar dance and join it.

[21:50]

And it's actually not so subtle, which is nice. It's easier to spot the grossness of resisting it and the grossness of not believing it. I feel like, this isn't a gift. What I am is not a gift, what you are is not a gift. It's pretty easy to spot that. Not to say everybody always does, but it is good to spot when you actually look at somebody and to tell that you actually are forgetting to check into the practice of giving, that you're actually not remembering this person, [...] this person. Every person I look at is a gift. I'm not remembering the practice of giving. I'm forgetting the practice of giving. You can stop that. And then you can confess it and maybe repent it. And start again.

[22:53]

Oh yeah, gift, gift, gift, gift. Like earlier, just a few minutes ago, Bright made me some tea. and he put about three times as much water into the tea that was necessary. But I didn't feel like... I did feel like it was a gift. I felt like he was teaching me dharma. So I happily received this and I told him that usually They need to be made so they can be drunk in three little sips. And he said, it will be big sips today. We were in it. I say, how do you do?

[23:55]

They're going to say, I love you. And I think to myself, What a wonderful truth. But if you don't think, you think, oh, God, he gave me too much water. And I'm distracted. I'm distracted. I'm involved in a world affair called me getting T made a certain way. And I didn't get it. Rather than, oh, I got T made. Wonderfully unusual. which gives me the opportunity to mention to him, to give him some instruction, which he's dying to receive, right? He'd love me to tell him that, right? He thought, huh? It was a gift. Yeah, it was a gift. He's making tea for me, giving me tea, but also he's giving me tea for him teaching.

[25:02]

That's why he has the job. So he can give me and I can give him. So you can enact what you need. person to person, this truth. Rather than, you know, the teacher coming and saying, you know, the way you walk, I have something to say to you about that. Oh, no, what's he going to say to you? Oh, what's he going to give you? What gift is he going to give you? I came here for him to show me the very thing. Now he's going to show me how to walk. How wonderful, rather than get you along. Here comes the gift. Seeing the world that way is not a worldly affair. Going to the grocery store and seeing gift land. Not getting it, giving it. You go to there and you go and you practice giving it. You give yourself to everybody who works there, everybody who's shopping there, you give yourself to all the food, and everything is given to you.

[26:16]

And when you actually open it, that is sitting on the ground in your drawer, you start crying. Part of the reason why we sit is so it's hard actually sometimes to stand up when you've opened the giving. But it's good to learn how to do it standing also. and walking. But when you walk on the Buddha path, you're always walking around Buddha. Every step is walking around Buddha. When you do walk, we're very lucky to be able to walk. I guess everybody here can walk. It's great. It's a wonderful human activity. But don't walk to get anything. Don't walk to get somewhere. Walk to give.

[27:19]

Walk to give. It means walk to give and receive. Walk to enact the Dharma. And if you forget, there's a pure practice for that called I just wanted to get closer to the door. I really wasn't into, like, giving. I was into, like, getting somewhere. Okay, now I stopped. And I didn't stop to stop, to give up trying to get something. I stopped. Now I've stopped, and I'm standing. And I'm giving and standing. to the enactment of the Dharma. And now I want to take a step, and I want to make this step the enactment. I give this step, and this step that is given teaches the Dharma.

[28:28]

And now here comes another one. This is a challenging practice to every step, given to the enactment of the Dhamma. But the type of Dhamma this is, this type of teaching, it's entirely appropriate that every action would be for the enactment of it. For the enactment of the teaching of distraction, it wouldn't be appropriate that you would be aware that every action was given to distraction. That wouldn't work. But for this practice, every action, you actually start thinking and speaking and embodying it. You begin the proviso that when you don't, there's a way to enact the truth that you didn't.

[29:39]

You didn't, but you missed it. And then again, you're back on the path. You look like you understand me somewhat. So I just told you about the practice. It's very challenging, but not that complicated. It's just challenging because it's kind of like a moment-by-moment practice. It's not just a once-a-day practice. It's a once-a-day practice. You don't have to do it for the whole day. You can only do it now. And you can do it now early in the morning, and then later in the morning, and so on. And because of not having trained enough, we're not completely consistent in this.

[30:44]

But we can learn to be more consistent. And even great, greatly developed practitioners consistent, moment-by-moment practice, and talk about practicing for many years. Like I often tell the story of Suzuke Roshi going swimming in the creek at Fasahara, jumping in the water at the creek at Fasahara. So you've heard the story, right, John? Who's heard the story of Suzuke Roshi going into the creek Well, most of you haven't. The ones who have, can you stand to hear it again? So, Tassajara is a place not too far from, the creek's called Tassajara Creek, and then Tassajara Hot Springs is where we have a monastery, and about a 20-minute walk downstream from the monastery is a place where the

[31:58]

the sides of the creek that goes steep. So he made kind of a waterfall in the deep pool. So he went with the students to the deep pool. And the students jumped in. And he jumped in, too. And went under the water with the students. And the students came up, but he didn't. They weren't worried for a while, and they thought... As a matter of fact, they were impressed after Chitin Kaurna. They thought, wow, these Zen masters, they made a whole lot. A long time. We didn't know that he did so, you know. We didn't realize his powers until now. At a certain point they thought, this is too much. maybe he's actually not doing so they went down and pulled him up and when he told this story I heard him tell this story he said I was down there looking at the beautiful lady's legs in the water and when he came out he said I was embarrassed because I jumped in you know

[33:24]

Out of predictfulness, I forgot I didn't know how to swim. I got so excited seeing all the students jump in, and I just went with them. Very playful, wonderful spirit for an elderly gentleman. He actually kind of lost his mindfulness of his swimming abilities, and he was embarrassed. And then he said, after that, I really started to practice hard. And then at dinner in the dining room, after that talk, one of the students said to him, Roshi, you said, after that happened, you really started to practice hard. Before that? And he said, yes, but then I really started practicing hard.

[34:26]

So, I think you're all practicing wholeheartedly, you are, and you utilize that more fully. Really, we are wholehearted, we really are expounding the Dharma. And you can realize that more and more and more, with no end to the realization of it. Even if in one moment you completely realized wholeheartedly that everything was teaching you, everything was a gift to you, and you're a gift to everything. Even if you realize that still the next moment you have another chance with a new world, with new challenges, from new opportunities to realize this truth through practice. And also new opportunity to get distracted and see that that's not your favorite way.

[35:37]

Your favorite way, actually, is to see the world as a gift. See everyone as engaged in this cooperative, powerful universe. And so we're now going to retreat here. You and I are going to be acting every moment throughout the retreat, so there's an opportunity to make every action of body, speech, and mind the actment of the wondrous Dharma. And one more point, which I made last night, is that, well, I didn't say it last night, I'll say it now. The horse arrives before the donkey leaves. So the donkey arrives before the horse leaves.

[36:43]

You don't want to be, you know, racist among horses. In other words, the actual practice arrives before the leaves. Another image is the lotus grows in the mud. It isn't that as the lotus starts to sprout, the mud is taken away. The lotus grows in the mud. The mud, the lotus embraces the lotus plant before the flower, it embraces the mud, and as it embraces the mud more and more, the mud nourishes its growth into the great flower. But when it's flowering and when it's fruiting, it's still growing in the mud.

[37:47]

And the mud is all things. You don't have to get rid of anything. You don't have to get rid of any dualities to grow this enactment. The enactment grows in all things. It even grows in distraction. It even grows in doubt. It even grows in lightening up and shrinking back from people and events. It grows in that kind of resistance. You don't have to wait for the resistance to go away before the giving arrives. You don't have to wait for the tension to go away before the relaxation comes.

[38:53]

You don't have to wait for the stinginess to go away before the graciousness comes. The graciousness comes, goes away. Graciousness comes and grows in the stinginess. Graciousness can also grow in graciousness. You can be gracious to graciousness. If someone's being generous, you can be gracious with that. If someone's being generous, you can say, Oh my God, this is the true Dharma. How wonderful. That's okay. But also when someone's being tense, frightened, and stingy, you can plant the seed there too. Oh, this is the true Dharma. There can be gracious, there can be graciousness, and there is graciousness, actually. There is graciousness with all things. There is graciousness within graciousness. There is graciousness with it. Ingraciousness is a gift, and it's also a recipient.

[39:58]

And people are talking about how to be gracious with ingratitude. Oh, this is a strange idea. It is kind of strange, right? You don't hear this so often. Be gracious with ingratitude. with the gracious, with stingy beings. Even if the stingy being is so-called you. So again, it's nice to have grandchildren because they're often a bit gracious. The score is 240 to 0. I am such a great player and you are no good. This is my stuff. This is my food, not yours, granddad. So here it is. Doesn't look very gracious.

[41:04]

His mother was there. He will not be talking about that. When I'm there, he can let the ingraciousness flow. He can give it to me. He gives me the ingraciousness to test how ungrateful I be in the face of another person. I know if nobody else is around, I can, like, possess my stuff real tightly, and I can get by with it. It's in my room. These are my toys. But if somebody else comes in, I'm supposed to share it with them. That's what my mom says. Share it with them. But when granddaddy's here, I detest the limits. You should see how far is it possible that these things are controlling you. And so I became gracious with that. To a certain point.

[42:06]

And then I did the worldly affairs. Treat yourself like you treat your grandchildren. You can ask me, I'll tell you how, if you're not a grandparent yet. But it's basically, be generous, be gracious towards yourself no matter how bad you are. Put the roots down into the mud of yourself no matter how it is. And the lotus grows. The roots are growing in whatever you are. But you've got to, like, enact polluted. I'm going to go in here and live here. I'm going to embrace this. There's need for generosity. So there may be some mud in this room somewhere.

[43:13]

Maybe some donkeys. But the lotus are being planted. In your current situation, and we're moistening them with pine and want, the seeds are going to sprout. This wishing to plant the seed is planting the seed. So you can nurture this great flowering of the trees this weekend. And I said you can nurture it, but I'll talk more about this later, but you're going to be nurturing it together with everybody else. Everybody's going to help you with this. You don't have to nurture it by yourself. Matter of fact, you're not nurturing it by yourself. Everybody's helping you nurture it. So if you do it by yourself, again, that's not the Dharma.

[44:14]

You know, it's impossible to do it that way, so impossible to go hard. It's hard to do this practice by yourself, but it's also challenging to learn how to accept all the help that you're getting to practice this way. Why don't you get back now? Is there anything you'd like to express? The bowing mat is on here. Is that all right? Yeah, it's just a nice... What color is that? What color would you call that? Huh? Burgundy? Huh? Burgundy going once? Anyway, it's a very nice cushion here.

[45:18]

Anybody want to use it? You sit down and stand on it. Whatever. Yes, please come. Hi. I don't know what I'm going to express, but I thought about coming up here last night and there were many people that wanted to come up, so I ended up knocking one of them. Thanks for coming. You're welcome. It was good. Somebody sent an email at work at the beginning of the year with a link to this website. This woman was suggesting choosing a word.

[46:19]

as I guess kind of a mantra for the year or so. I've heard people doing that, so I thought about it for a while, and I decided on the word willingness, because I've been thinking about that a lot from the talk, kind of translating what you were sharing as to me trying to not feel myself tighten up, around, just like right now, I feel my emotions coming out. In fact, I feel... Touched. I feel some emotions coming out. Yeah. But to try to... to it, to not... I don't know. So I've been thinking about that, and I wanted to share that with you. Thank you. I don't get any words from you that you wanted to share. I think willingness, I try willingness. Also... Let these emotions be gifts, and let them be gifts that you're getting, or let them be gifts that you're receiving as gifts.

[47:38]

Welcome them as a good host. Just walk open to them. So will you let's do that? I don't want to. You don't want to. So then I look at the not one thing. Then try to be generous and open to them. But also, get the not wanting out and open. Say it. Confess it. Confess it. So, be telling it open. That will help it not block, not block the qi dharma of your feelings. Because your feelings are actually expounding the wondrous truth. And if you give them the space that they deserve because of this wonderful Buddha work you're doing, they will create a positive, beneficial influence in this world where people are afraid that they have to dominate and control their emotions.

[48:50]

Now when you're even sharing these words with me, I have faith in them. That is partly because I have some sort of faith in your practice or in my experience of you. And so I long for that when there's not somebody that I can't get faith from, I have a harder time getting faith from, or touching that... With everybody. Yeah, with everybody. So, but I think you understand that what... I think part of what you trust is that I'm telling you that this is actually coming from everybody. Yes, it is. If I was saying, this is coming from me, you'd say... He's kind of arrogant. So, although you may not be able to remember that everybody is giving you the same message, you do understand that message.

[50:02]

Namely, everyone is teaching me, and right now this person I doubt that they're giving me the true dharma. I don't think this person's giving me the true dharma. But at least I understand that that's the actual truth of the matter. And I feel bad about it. Whereas when I see someone that's giving me the truth, I feel good. I feel unafraid. I feel respectful. Now I don't have doubt. So it's wonderful when we do feel, like, I'm fearing the Dharma, and I don't doubt that this is a gift, and that I'm the gift. But I also understand that just in a few moments, I get back into worldly affairs, and then not be able to hear it.

[51:06]

Even though it's impulsed to note, I may not hear it in a few minutes. But I have a practice to deal with that, which is, I'm not hearing. That's it. Yeah. And then check to see how you feel. And on some level you do not feel good about it, because you do not feel good about being away from this wonderful graciousness. And that brings you back onto the path. If you open to the pain of veering away, if you can open to that, you also open to non-veering away. So you kind of got that, and now... And then when I do it... It seems exhausting. It seems exhausting if you think about it. If you think about doing it all the time, it's exhausting.

[52:14]

So you learn that thinking about doing it all the time is not a good thing. But committing to doing it all the time is good. So, like I often use the example, if I'm in a big sashin, this sashin is not so big, but from that big one, and I think, how can I see all these people, present to each of these people, and be open to each of these people with all that they bring? How can I do that? And if I think that, it is sick. But then if I just concentrate on meeting each person at each moment, it's fine. So I've learned in my mind not to think about moving the whole mountain at once. Just one particle at a time, take care of each thing. And also remember, maybe even more important than that, but connected to it, because I have to be present in the moment to do my job, I don't have to go to the future, because I'm not present in the future.

[53:22]

If my present has a future, I don't have to go to the future. So present, that's part of my job. And my other job is to realize that everyone that comes to see me helps me see them. Everybody comes and makes me successful. I don't do it by myself. I do it together. And that is really what makes it... And people help me be present, but still they don't do it for me. You support me to be present, But I can't get you to do it for me. And I can't be present without you. Be present and then realize that you're helping me help you. You're helping me be present. You're helping me be present. I'm not doing it by myself. And if I think of doing it by myself, it's just I don't feel good. That's another example called reality. If you have a little job, you may think you can think like that and get by with it.

[54:26]

When you think of this big job, this huge life you have, and if you think of doing it by yourself, you naturally resist doing it by yourself. With everybody's support. Everybody is supporting you to do this. And I appreciate you saying, I don't want to do this. It's too great. Get that out in front, and it will melt away. I recognize that I have a harder time remembering that everybody here is helping me sit here and say whatever I'm saying, or just being me. You have a hard time remembering that? Yes, I have a hard time. I have an easier time remembering, okay, how can I find the giftness in my activity? but then I forget that everybody's helping me with, like, giving us activity, too.

[55:33]

So, either way, it's challenging. When I don't feel like people are helping me, then I emphasize how I'm helping them. and then I start to see how they're helping me. Okay, that's good. If I don't see how I'm helping them, I think of how they're helping me, and then I realize how I'm helping them. Just go back and forth when you're having trouble seeing the giving. Go to the other side of it. Go to the middle of it. Move around in the dance. Don't stick over on one side all the time. That's what a lot of parents do. They think, oh, I'm giving, I'm giving, I'm giving, I'm giving. Giving to them. Actually, they have to give more. They'll give more and they'll see, oh, whoa. And the parent might see the kids are giving to me. Oh, I'm giving to them.

[56:39]

When I see that you're giving to me, I realize I'm giving to you. And when I say I'm giving to you, I see you're giving to me. But when I don't fully enter into my gift to you, I might miss the real gift to me. I don't see it as a gift. In other words, I'm not really wholeheartedly giving to him. That shows me I'm a little close to giving fully to him. But fortunately, even before you reach 100%, you can still sometimes see that you're giving to the person giving. You can get glimpses before you're perfect. And these encourage us to open even more buses. So as you can understand, it's just a matter of... And then the more you practice, the more there will be realization.

[57:46]

But you got the basic teaching correctly. And it is, I think, you have the correct teaching that you're somewhat resisting. That's the correct teaching, to resist. Thank you. Anyone else want to bring anything forward? You can just come up. You don't have to raise your hand. You don't have to wait for the previous person to leave. The horse can arrive before the donkey leaves. Please.

[58:56]

Nature, could you speak up, please? I'll try. Okay. I really want to hear this when I cry. Cry from his death. I'm here. Why? I spent two hours before your lecture last night. I was in Buffalo. I spent near the collision. And it's really painful. And I really don't know how I can throw the carton away to him. The other car, what, the other car changed from the Saturday. And, you know, in Russia, I'm in, and I got a green light. I'm in the 4th street, in that 193. And, what, all I can think happened.

[59:59]

And, I'm, nothing, what. So I would be grateful. Yeah, me too. That would have been hardest for me to see as a gift. Well, I think there's a gift. That would be my practice. If you die and you are taken from me, my practice would be to try to see that as a gift. That will be my practice. When I see you, it's a gift, and it's a gift too. And someday we're going to go away from each other, and that will be a gift also. In that way, we're never apart, because we're always practicing giving, even though we lose each other. Our losses are gifts. But still, it's wonderful that you're here.

[61:03]

I had two eclipses. [...] Yeah, and last night I had to come to you and to greet you. But yeah, just like a lot of people saw, I did. I'm really happy you are here. I'm really happy you're here, too. We will announce care to offer something, among gifts.

[62:33]

Thanks for coming out to Austin. I was wondering if you could just speak a little bit more about how our karma is our thinking. That sort of intrigued me, what you said earlier. That is the basic definition of karma that the Buddha gave. Karma means action, but its definition is not any kind of action. Like, for example, even though mountains teach the Dharma, we don't usually say that mountains think. They don't really have karma. They have activity. And also, like Dr. Texas, the test of reflexes. you know, hit you someplace on your wrist or something, and then there's a little reflex. That's not thinking. That's your reflex. It's an action. And other things in your body are activities, but they're not... Calm is your thinking.

[64:02]

It's the... And, yeah, the word, the Sanskrit word is ke-ten-na. And it means sort of the overall pattern of a moment of experience, a moment of consciousness. It's also another word you can use as common as your story. And in each moment, like right now, you and I, I think, have a cognitive representation of our relationship with each other. You have a story of your relationship to me. I have a story of my relationship to you. You know, and my story is... That's a nice story. I think you're my friend, right? You don't know me. And my story is I don't know you, too. My story is you may hate me, and I just don't know it yet. My story includes that. It's quite a good story. But it's just a cognitive representation of our relationship. It's not our actual relationship. What is our actual relationship?

[65:06]

It's inconceivable Dharma. The way we're actually giving life to each other, together with everybody else. The way our relationship supports everybody else and everybody supports us. Our actual relationship. And it's inconceivable wonderful. So my relationship with everyone is the same? Yes. Well, it's slightly different, but it has the same inconceivable wondrousness to it. And the way your mind represents your relationship with other people is different than the way your mind represents your relationship with me. And that's basically what karma is. It's the way we see ourself in relationship with the world, and that's our basic mental activity, is to represent, to make a representation. And our activity occurs in that, and our speech comes out of the type of speech and posture that come out of that representation are also karma.

[66:10]

And when we tell stories and believe them, what tends to, especially unhappiness, what tends to obstruct the vision of the Dharma, tends to make us tighten up and close down, like, you know, on what I think. Because of what I think, I'm somewhat close to you being, you know, a falcon, a tornado, you know, a song, a little boy, a great sin master. And so I'm obstructing that by what I think maybe. But if I admit that, I open up to the, I don't know which of those you are. You could be all of me. You could be anything. You know, anything could happen. And being open to anything, then I will be grateful for whatever I receive, because I will see it as the Dharma.

[67:18]

And it will bring happiness and fearlessness and devotion to all the Dharma teachers that are constantly coming to us. And then we'll receive everything as teaching and won't try to control. We don't control, we won't try to control. And when we take care of a car, you know, and bring it in to have a brakes checked and stuff like that, we do it as a gift to the world. We don't do it as a term to control. We do it as a gift to the mechanic, to the tyrants, to the brakes, to the road, to the... We do it as gifts, not as control. We don't really think we're controlling. We're giving, we're giving, we're receiving. But because of thinking, it's hard for us to see what we're doing that way because of our stories we have about...

[68:19]

Related stories of our relationship with the road, the other cars, human beings. And I have this story that while the human beings are driving cars, I'm miserable. And so they're very easily stimulated and frightened into responses. So it's a dangerous situation. I have that story. But I have another story about the tree-climbing man. He said, all those bees after their gifts, they still have to be very careful with all these gifts that are driving around. Yes. And they're very careful. And you have to see them as gifts rather than hate them, you know, for being miserable, aggressive. Texans. Texans. I have to see them as my darling grandson and granddaughters and be gracious with them.

[69:22]

I have to, otherwise I miss what I'm here for. I'm here to hear the true Dharma so that my life enacts it. And so it's good to go out in the challenging areas where there's a lot of people not hearing the true Dharma and are involved in trying to get stuff and who are frightening to go out there among them and see if we can grow the lotus there too. And if we can't, we say, I can't. The lotus is challenged to grow in this mud, but if you keep going, you can start bringing blessings into an arena of frightened, aggressive people. It's possible. That's our inconceivably wonderful, wondrous vana, is to bring it everywhere, to save all beings, to put our chemicals into all kinds of mud.

[70:23]

but also admit, this is too much for me right now. This is also my head. I'm not ready for this. I admit it. But as I admit it, I'm ready for it. And now I'm again challenging. I feel myself closing down. But that's not the end of the road. There's a practice for that. Well, I guess for me it seems like what causes me the most suffering is my own limited cognitive representation of myself. So it's how I perceive myself that In a way, I'm always sort of relating to the stories, not really to the person. And those stories are just stories that the mind is constantly weaving. So I guess just for me, in my practices, I was, you know, part of it is just to maintain awareness of those as that I feel like I'm mostly just sort of relating to the conditioning, to the karma, and not really to what's put in front of me.

[71:28]

Yeah. Relating to the stories, but I'm adding in Now be graciously related to them. Be warm towards them. Darling your children. These stories, they are the children of your mind. And all beings are supporting you in the creation of these stories in your mind. So some sense of being aware of them, be present with them, yes. Because again, to be gracious with someone, being with them doesn't have the same beneficial potential as to be right there with your story and really be generous with them. Really let it be that story. Not just OK, but OK. OK, yes. When you're gracious with things you don't, it helps you not believe them. When you're gracious with a person who's a challenge, a graciousness is open to that this isn't a challenge, this is a gift in the form of a challenge.

[72:36]

Yeah, the generosity of not believing appearances as realities and also not denigrating appearances as not realities. seen as dharma. It's an appearance that is bringing in the dharma. And it can be kicked into this one. without you fault-believing this appearance, and then go away and appear in this one. Constantly you're getting new stories, new challenges. See if you can keep on the track of everything is teaching you Dharma. And again, gifts are not necessarily pleasant. I know that. A Dharma is not necessarily pleasant. The Dharma can be very disorienting. trying to shit you out of believing a story, not necessarily shit you into believing another story, although that sometimes is necessary.

[73:48]

Sometimes you have to get a person to go from this story they believe to another story they believe to another story they believe to go into not believing any stories. But that happens when you start to hear the Dharma. It can be disturbing. And that's part of it. You need to be gracious to the disturbance. Oh yeah, this is a big change in my perspective on the world. To part from your times in your practice, even to go from the naive state of believing your stories to knowing that these are stories, is a big change. Even the idea to not believe your stories, even if you still do, is still a new story. which, again, young children can't cope with it. We don't necessarily tell them. We tell them, but it just doesn't, it just bounces right off.

[74:52]

So it's okay to tell them. And later they said, back when I was six. Well, I know what he means. He's gotten wiser as I've gotten older. Okay? Thank you. THANK YOU. THANK YOU. Your speaking about the gifts of the grocery store made me think of something that happened to me when I was new in a town. And I'd been there some time and out of sorts and not belonging. And I went to the grocery store and this older lady came up to me by the zucchini. She said, do you know how to cook these?

[75:56]

And I said, well, not. And so she proceeded to tell me to slice some garlic and slice some onion, and she stood there telling me the recipe. how to do that, and that was the interaction. She touched me, I think, too. That was important. But it transformed that day. It transformed probably the whole week as well. It made it a much better week, and it cut through the story that I was in an unfriendly place. It just kind of lasted that story away and made me realize that there's Dharma at the grocery store. That was all.

[77:05]

I am juggling good, bad, and fabulous and evil. And this week, I was probably the most egregiously angry in my life. I've never reached that. Wonderful. That's in my dilemma, because I've been like, terrible idea. What have I done? And then, so I've been working on this sculpture since June. And it's all about perfection. It's all about being perfect. And everybody, probably 60 people have been building and making and even sort of acting the Dharma of being collective, but making my work. And everybody who I've touched has gotten this. This amazing lesson for me and for them. I'm giving them a gift and they're giving me a gift.

[78:07]

And the one frustrating person who hasn't gotten it is when we bring it to the construction site to install, they don't get that it's perfect. that it's art. They don't get that it transforms people and play too. And we've come twice to install. And each time, we've had to go away. And this time we came again. And my instinct was to cry. And I was deeply disappointed. five trucks, five 27-foot trucks, all this artwork ready to put up. And I cried and cried. And then this man who was the contractor came up and smiled and said, we're ready. From the bottom of my soul, I don't know where it came from, I screamed like I've never screamed before at this man.

[79:08]

He said, you're a liar. And I just kept saying it again and again and again because I had ripped open the sight. The sight was not ready. And part of me was talking, because I felt horrible for what I'd done, I mean, for how I behaved. But part of me realised that, in a way, it was a wake-up call for everybody, because everybody who I'd been with before kind of got the sense of perfection and really enjoyed being part of it, and this person really didn't get it. And I think maybe now they get it. But it's just, I mean, so I'm trying to look at this difficult space that I've been in, and sort of, at the moment, I think it's a good time. So I'm trying to now, how can I be grateful for this, you know, amazingly difficult situation, but then how can I be grateful to this difficult lesson?

[80:13]

I have some hesitation to make this easy for you. Okay. But I might start by making it easy. And that is, so I'm not clear exactly on how much you resisted this difficulty as it was coming to you. I probably resisted it a lot. So that actually might be your... the shortcoming of your practice is that you didn't appreciate these challenges of these people who as a further unfolding of the art. It sounds like you missed that. People often say to you, well, this is fine here. What happens when I go back to work? Well, that's the To extend it with people who have not been initiated into the process is a further growth in the realization of this wonder's done.

[81:36]

But it feels like people are appreciating it. I shouldn't say it does, but it can feel like it. A child is doing this wonderful thing and they do not see it. But again... They harm it. They harm it, yeah. And the sea harms it. And at the moment where you screamed, what did you say to the word? Scream, and it was a swear word that sounded very, you know, not like a swear word, because it I'm going to end it with liar. But there were two words. Blankety blank. Blank liar. Blank liar. So in that expression, which you said was for him, was there any longing him to be harmed?

[82:49]

I think so. So this liar thing, that it was for everybody and to everybody. Yeah. So I didn't get it. I cannot stand not seeing the Dharma in the situation. And I'm saying, this is a lie. This picture is a lie. This is not the truth that I'm seeing here. But I'm including everybody in this. I'm not just keeping it to myself. I felt the lie out. for quite a while, and now I'm going to put it, I know I need to do it, I'm going to express it, I'm going to enact it with everybody. But it's not, you know, it's not really, to say, to say the lie is not exactly the truth.

[84:05]

The truth is that when you say the lie, you're doing that together with everybody. and there's not your will in it. There should be not your will. And that, like, is one part of me thinks, oh, it was fantastic, could Natalie really get this? And the other part of me is like, oh, I really shouldn't have, you know, sort of... I think that was fantastic because they really get it. I think that that's a little bit of a distraction. The gift is not the gift of the soul. Now, gifts do wake people up. And it is that they work. Yeah. And that's good. When you give a gift, you do not give a gift to get people to wake up. The gift is being awake. The gift is reality. Giving is... You don't give the truth to get the truth. The truth doesn't give the truth.

[85:07]

The truth is the truth. But separation is the problem. So as you got it, we have to learn to give the truth, to give who you are and who you are with somebody made to screw you, and get into that by yourself. So to think that to get into the result is a distraction, and then this thing about, I don't know what surgery is called, but something about that you did it. You're responsible, but you get into it by yourself. There's something in that screen that is pretty close to the Dharma. It felt like it came from somewhere I'd never known before. It's coming from someplace you'll never know. Everything is. But already you'll never know it, where what you are comes from.

[86:08]

You're enacting it. You are enacting where you come from. And if you keep practicing your way, it will be more and more. That's all of our job is to do that. And in the story, the weak point in the story was, the shortcoming in the story was that you thought, okay, we've had this great time together, and now we're going to go over there on some expectation. And then it's actually something else, and you say, this is not what I was expecting. Therefore, I'm not really, this is not good. where this is not what I'm expecting because it's not better than I was expecting. It's different from what I was expecting. What I was expecting was good. As a matter of fact, it looks not good. It looks like people are missing out on something wonderful, and I don't like that. Yeah, you don't like that. So what they are is a gift, and you're not liking it as a gift.

[87:14]

At some level, anyway, we miss out on this big thing. a venue, was it equal gift to the wonderful gifts that you've been receiving and knowing that they were gifts, which is great. Now I say, okay, Margot, now can you see these as gifts? And Margot said, no, I don't see these as gifts. I see these as challenges, yes. I see them as painful, mm-hmm, yeah, this is painful, yeah. It's painful to see people not see. It's painful to see blind people. This is painful, but I kind of didn't see it as a guilt. And maybe I didn't include that as well. Well, it's the same thing. You didn't include them as part of the wonderful giving you were involved in.

[88:19]

That's often the case. At the venues, I'd go from the Zen center to the free-roading. It's a different setup. I'm aware of the danger, but I'm not aware of the generosity of these miserable people. They are miserable people. I can see that. They're frightened. They don't care about me. That's what it looks like. I mean, not true, but that's what it looks like. I don't see that appearance as a gift. Or I do, and how wonderful the practice is extending itself to the freeway and the construction site. How wonderful that in the past I wouldn't have seen their suffering as a gift. And I didn't see that I loved these people before. I didn't see that I loved them in their ignorance. But again, that's the nice thing about being a grandparent is that grandchildren are ignorant. They're ignorant little people. They have to be adored, even without any ignorance.

[89:25]

So we need to adore adults who are ignoring the love all around them. And in ignorance, we lie. So it doesn't mean you're not a liar. To even a grandchild, you might be a liar, but you do it as a gift. And also he'd be aware that maybe he shouldn't lie to the grandson because it's gone. But there's no saying about it. Contractors, sometimes they can have... LAUGHTER Maybe he was OK. I hope he was. Frowning times stood still for about three minutes. That sounds good. LAUGHTER Thanks for sharing that drama. Whenever you were talking to her just now, and you said seeing harm as a gift, and that sort of articulated something I've been trying to figure out for months and months and months.

[90:45]

I'm wondering, how do I go about doing that? Because my job, I'm a self-worker in a hospital, and I see people harming other people on a regular basis. Right, that's your job. And so I have a very big struggle harming a person and seeing them as giving me a gift. It was a big struggle. So then you could confess that you don't see this person as a gift. Right. And then you can look and see, how do you feel when you don't see the person as a gift? I want to sort of... No, that's what your action is. That's your karma. Your karma is, I see myself in a relationship with this person who I see as harmful and not a gift, and now in that relationship, that's my action. But how do you feel about wanting something not as a gift? Angry.

[91:46]

But that thing is not really a feeling. It comes from a feeling. How do you feel when you feel like something's... Well, I mean, Excel assumes that danger, danger, do something. Danger. And how do you feel when you see danger? Before I do something, what's the feeling? It's screaming. Anxiety, yeah. And anxiety is painful, isn't it? Well, it's not very comfortable. No. Anxiety has a root up to be strangled or choked. So, you know, and we're into breathing, right? So when you see someone who you see, I think you start feeling choked. Mm-hmm. Rather than the person giving you life, the person could take your life, or take the life of someone you care for.

[92:51]

Right. So that's, there it is, the confession. I don't see it as a gift, and I feel They're not seeing that way. This is the place to plant the seeds. This is the place to start right there. Later you may think of doing something, which is there, but the key of turning is to see that you don't think this is the truth coming. You don't think this is a gift. Or I don't think it's a gift. I don't think it's a gift. Yeah, I'm very in touch with that art. Well, good. That's... I know, I don't think it's... Yeah. Yeah, so that's... And that's... That's your lack of faith. That's your lack of faith in your teaching. But there's no... There's nothing in your life that's not... There's no coming to teach you. Mm-hmm. So if you get sick, you know... Right.

[93:56]

You don't think the sick... Nah, not so much. Okay, well, some people would think some sicknesses are dangers, and some people get angry at the sickness, but a lot of people don't. Absolutely. So when humans are, especially when adult humans are dangerous, they get afraid and then in their fear... Well, not necessarily you, but they're at risk of becoming aggressive and violent, and therefore consoling me. So that's the key place. It's right there to continually or consistently confess, I do not see this as a gift. In other words, I hear that everything is doing the Buddha's work. This person... who potentially might hurt this other person, has come into my life as a gift to me and to this other person. And I'm also a gift to them.

[94:59]

That I can understand. I have a hard time finding the compassion for the perpetrator of harm. And that's the gift which you've been learning to give, is compassion to the perpetrator of harm. You can see this person's compassion grow. Somebody has to teach this person compassion. Someone has to show this person compassion. It's hard for somebody who's involved in some harmful pattern, relationship with themselves and others, to change. There's a big force there. The first way you change them is by giving. And giving is the first practice of compassion. It's not the only one. There's also the precepts, patience, diligence, concentration, and listening. There's other... first one. This is the first way you start to wake this person up.

[96:04]

And it doesn't mean that they wake up the first time they travel. But they sometimes do. But it's hard for you to be generous towards this person if you really see they're not a gift. I'm giving, but they're not. Anyway, if you can't see it there yet, just keep giving to the perpetrator of the harm, the so-called perpetrator. Just keep giving to him, giving to her, giving to him, giving to her. Give, give, give, give, give. And you'll wake up to their gift to you. Where the mud is fueling the lotus of your giving beyond anywhere it used to go into a new terrain of challenge and nourishing. new challenge, new nourishment for this growing and giving darkness. And then you'll see, oh my God, this person, this extremely difficult person, your soul, such a great gift to you.

[97:07]

I've noticed these sorts of things have sped up since I took bodhisattva vows. Is that normally what happens? Yes, that's right, that's the point. Your reward, the reward for your... It's like practicing steroids, you know, all the time. Well, there's other bodhisattva practices too. One of them is tranquility. So you also need to practice tranquility so you can stand the intensity of the giving process and the pain that you feel. You start to open to the pain, people need also some tranquility so you can be relaxed, to relax you. to relax with the pain that you're feeling for them, with them. So bodhisattvas grow by being challenged. It's okay to be not challenged, but you're not growing. You're helping people at a level you already know how. That's fine, you're still helping people. You're not knocking down any walls.

[98:11]

You're not growing unless somebody comes who's like right on the edge of what you can see of. Give. But even somebody you generally love and appreciate, still sometimes the way they are is like, I can't see it, I can't see it. I can't see it, and I don't feel good about not seeing it. Or sometimes I do. You! I don't want to like you! You know? Don't make me like you! Nazi, that's called getting it out of you. Get it out and leave it open. And you can get the joke. Yeah. It's really, you know, I see friends not shaking hands. I don't like you. They're really saying I love you. And I think to myself, what a wonderful world. Oh, man.

[99:13]

So get it out in the open. I don't want you. I don't like you. You're not a gift. I don't want to see you as a gift. You're not a gift. I don't want to see you that way. Or the other one is, I don't believe what I'm thinking about you. I don't believe that you're not a gift. I don't believe that you're not a gift. Or anyway, get it out there and hold it in your sleep. It's just a joke that these people are not. And you're not there to help them grow. It's just a joke. And it's a painful joke, if you believe it. I mean, if you don't want to jump it. Yeah. So you're in a great position to be with people who are doing things where they don't see anybody being generous with them. Probably pissed off and you want to blame somebody else. Right. Probably blaming themselves too. Mm-hmm. So you're there, you can help them, but you have to be so generous with them and see that they're generous. And you see that they're generous, you can receive their generosity until you want to return it.

[100:16]

That's what you got. That's... Mm-hmm. This is the truth. We have to live in it. We live in it, we have to practice it. We live in it, we're living in it. The truth is the truth, we're living in it, but we have to practice it. And it's real hard to practice. Mm-hmm. No kidding. No kidding. Yeah. So that's normal. But it's also, it's really wonderful to practice. The moment you see this person, these people are gifts, that will be very, very wonderful. And then your reward will be, well, now that you've seen that this person's a gift, now spin a room full of straw, eat the gold, this place is big. All righty then. Thank you very much. That's right. That's called diligence.

[101:18]

All right, then. That's tough. It's hard practice. Getting close to 12. I smell the rice. Do you want to eat lunch, Eric? I just have a quick one. Thanks, Eric. I just got back from a recent trip and I found some termites in my house and so I was deliberating on how I should approach them and also realizing that they were a gift and they were teaching for me. Yeah, big. Yeah. So then, but then the idea of the fear in my house being sort of chewed down started bothering me a little bit. So I, you know, I consulted pest control people, and they said, I said, is there any way we can move the termites?

[102:27]

And they said, no. Is there any way we can, you know, take care of the farm without having the termites suffer? And they looked down at me like... So I sat with them and I thought, well, I've just got to take care of the farm. And so I confessed that I had the people put down whatever they needed to do to take care of the farm. How do you feel about that? I feel good about confessing, and I do this. I don't feel too good about the termites. You don't feel good about the way you relate to termites? No. Thank you for your confession. If you're in formal training with a teacher, you might check with them before you do that.

[103:43]

In fact, it's good, but before is also good. If you're contemplating something like that, it's good if you have somebody you can talk to about that, who you're in a Dharma training with. So, you know, you can put the picture of your relationship with beings out there and what you think you might do out there and get feedback on it beforehand. Happy is good too, but before is also good. Okay, is that enough for this morning's?

[104:33]

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