As I said earlier, I would like to start this practice period by having some consideration of the bodhisattva precepts and of the process of receiving the precepts and practicing the precepts. I mentioned on Sunday that there may be two ways of entering and living the life of Buddha.

[02:03]

One way is a formal way, and the other in a formless way. In some sense, the formless way, the formless Buddha way, is already realized. it already has been realized by Buddhas. Buddha has realized the Buddha way, and bodhisattvas have realized the Buddha way, and they are continuing to realize it in this formless way.

[03:08]

But the formless way has no form. So we, looking through human eyes, cannot see the formless Buddha way. But the Formless Buddha way, for some reason or other, is really the way things are. I mean, when you have humans like us and other beings, you also have the Formless Buddha way.

[04:13]

But if you take away the humans, like us, if there were no more humans, And when we are no longer humans, there is still this formless Buddha way. And the Buddha way which we can see and which we can hear and so on, That's the formal Buddha way. And practicing in that realm alone is actually lots of fun, I think, and often very inspiring and moving and encouraging and sometimes frustrating.

[05:19]

But it never really liberates us by the activity in that realm alone. We must actually also realize this formless ultimate Buddha way in order to fully realize freedom. and fully realize the work, the beneficent working of the Buddha, even the beneficent working of the Buddha in the realm that we can see. most mornings in this temple and in Zen temples and many other kind of Buddhist temples around the world, most mornings, the practitioners chant the Heart Sutra, the Heart of Perfect Wisdom scripture.

[06:42]

And in that scripture, as you may know, it says things like, in emptiness, no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, no mind, no color, no sound, no smell, no taste, no touch, no object of mine, no suffering, no ignorance, no stopping of suffering, no path to the stopping of suffering, no attainment, and so on. This is the sutra which is talking about the formless Buddha way. And when we see this and when Avalokiteshvara saw this formless Buddha way, the vision of this formless Buddha way relieved all suffering.

[07:54]

In this emptiness there's no increase or decrease, no birth, no death, no coming, no going. So there is this kind of Buddha way which doesn't come and go, doesn't start and stop. And seeing this, understanding this, relieves all suffering. And the ancestor who we call Tozan Ryokai Daisho, or Tungshan Liangjie, that Zen teacher, when he was a young boy, he was in a temple and they were chanting the Heart Sutra, and when they got to the part about no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, and so on, he said, but I have eyes and ears and nose and so on, so why does the Heart Sutra say there isn't any?

[09:04]

And his teacher that he had in that temple felt that this young monk was not, you know, he needed another teacher. So he sent him to another teacher. And eventually Dungsan understood the reason the Heart Sutra says that you don't have a nose. But when he heard that, he thought, well, but I have a nose. How come we're chanting a scripture? Why do we get up and chant a scripture here that says you don't have a nose, that you don't have eyes? and ears. How come we're practicing a Buddha way until we chant the scripture which says, in emptiness there isn't a Buddha way? Well, one simple answer tonight is that what that means is that the Buddha way that there isn't is there isn't this phenomenal Buddha way in emptiness.

[10:20]

There isn't phenomenal suffering in the sense that we usually experience it. There isn't the end of it. There isn't the beginning of it. In emptiness, there isn't a Buddha that's like a thing. And there aren't precepts that are like things, and so on. And there's not you, which is a thing. and there's not a Buddha, which is a thing. And Buddhas understand this formless realm of emptiness. So there's the formless way and the formal way. And the formal way involves things that you can see and hear.

[11:32]

So it involves precepts like precepts to not kill, precepts of not stealing, these kinds of precepts. These are phenomenal precepts which seem to be able to be violated and upheld. Before we, when we have a ceremony where we receive these phenomenal precepts, these precepts which you can experience, like the Bodhisattva precepts, the 16 Bodhisattva precepts, when we have a ceremony where we receive these precepts, usually at the beginning of the ceremony,

[13:00]

actually the first thing we do is we invite the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas to come to the ceremony. We, you know, we say their names and we pay homage. It's kind of like we say, hey, we want to be like you. Would you come and be with us now? We invite these wonderful bodhisattvas to come and be with us and help us right now, and particularly help us receive these precepts. Do you remember when we did that? At the beginning of the ceremony? Did you see them come? Did you see them come? Now, if you think about it, do you think these bodhisattvas... I mean, like, a lot of people think, well, I have a nose, but I don't have a bodhisattva.

[14:23]

I've got eyes, but I don't have a Buddha. I've got ears, but there's not a Buddha sitting next to me. Well, you've got phenomenal ears, phenomenal nose, but you don't have a phenomenal Buddha. But in the formless realm, you don't have a nose, but you do have a Buddha. And so we're actually, at the beginning of the ceremony, we're invoking and remembering that we've got, the room is packed with Buddhas. They're not Buddhas, Do not live someplace other than where you are. That's not what a Buddha is. They live with you. And at the beginning of the ceremony, when you invoke the presence of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, they don't actually come from someplace else.

[15:31]

They become invited. You start to communicate with them, or you don't. I mean, when we did that at the beginning of the ceremony, this is the beginning of the practice period, nobody warned you what you were up to. I didn't tell you, okay, we're going to invoke the presence of the Buddhas and ancestors now. Do you realize what you're about to do? Are you ready for this? Are you ready for the Buddhas to actually come and be with you and help you receive their precepts? I didn't do that. But now I'm starting to bring that up. An ordinary person walking down the street in America today, you know, if they're an adult like us, you know, they do various things to get through the day.

[16:56]

And one of the things they do sometimes is, I don't know what to say, but I guess... have a story about themselves which they hold on to and which does or does not allow them to invoke the presence of Buddhas and open to that presence and receive that friendship, that love, that support, which is said to be available by their very nature. These Buddhas and Bodhisattvas have no other business than helping us. But again, as we move around through the day, we may feel that we have enough problems, we don't have to also take on being ready for this meeting.

[18:02]

So if you're not ready and you go in and you say homage to the Buddhas in ten directions, you may not feel that at the moment you paid homage, they are there with you. Then the next, so just in case that wasn't, just in case you weren't open for this, the next part of the ceremony is usually, the next part of the precept ceremony actually, is that we practice confession. And sometimes said to be confession and repentance. And this thing we just, this verse we just chanted, this is the verse written by a Zen master named Ehe Dogen.

[19:17]

Ehe Koso is the Zen master Dogen. He wrote this, and he says things like, by the power of our repentance, the root of transgressions will melt away. So by practicing confession and repentance, it is possible to become like a newborn child. a child who does not yet have an idea that there are or are not Buddhas all around. And there's two kinds of repentance, formless and formal.

[20:26]

By practicing formal and formless repentance, one becomes susceptible to a communion, to a communication with the Buddhas. The Buddhas are with us all the time. The Buddhas are actually our nature. But unless there's a communion, between this human form and the Buddhas, the full-scale impact of receiving the precepts, the full merit of receiving the precepts is not realized. The formless repentance and also the formless confession is given in the Lotus Sutra and is said to be sitting upright in proper posture and contemplating the true character of phenomena.

[21:59]

When we sit upright in proper posture and contemplate the true character of phenomena, the hindrances that have been developed from past karma are melted away like frost in the morning sun of wisdom. And then there's the formal kind of repentance. And formal repentance, one formal kind of repentance is the kind we did where we say, all my ancient twisted karma. From beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, I now fully avow

[23:14]

That's a formal way. Another formal way which I heard about is to be hung over the edge of a cliff by your ankles and then be asked to confess. This is done in some other Buddhist temples. We have cliffs around here, but we haven't been using them yet for that purpose. This is another kind of formal confession. In certain Zen monastic manuals, in a certain Zen monastic manual, it's called Chanyuran Jinggui. It's a Chinese Zen monastic manual. Pure Rules for the Zen Garden, it's called.

[24:19]

In that text it says that the merit of receiving the precepts, or particularly the merit of taking refuge, which is the merit of the first three Bodhisattva precepts in this school, this temple, the merit of receiving the precepts is realized in the spiritual communion, or in the crossing of roads, actually, between request and response. There's certainly, if people, if we stand up here and we say, you know, I take refuge in Buddha, there is merit in that. But the full-scale merit of that comes when there's a crossing of paths between the request and the response, or the expression and the response. An actual meeting of the human who's saying, I take refuge in Buddha and the Buddha.

[25:31]

But there's actually a communion there, and in that communion, the merit of the act of taking refuge is realized. But in order to open to this communion, which happens when you say, I take refuge in Buddha, to let that be fully realized, we need to become like a baby. And we can become like a baby by repentance, by confession. In the ceremony, we do the repentance, and after the repentance, the preceptor, you know, the preceptor, the person who's like saying the things to the ordinees, the preceptor says,

[26:38]

After the confession, the preceptor says something like, now you have been purified in body and mind and your karmic hindrances have been, they're gone. You're free of greed, hate, and delusion. Did you hear that part? Did you hear that? Remember that part? No? It was quick. You could have easily missed it. I didn't say, I was the one who was, you know, mouthing this stuff. I didn't say, you are free of greed, hate, and delusion. Did you hear that? Do you think that's, do you believe that? Do you feel free of greed, hate, and delusion? I didn't ask. Did you think that? Did you notice that? That part? You didn't. Or you did. One person did. You did too. What did you think at that time? What did you think? Did you think, I don't feel free? The guy said I was, but I don't feel free?

[27:44]

You're not sure what you thought. Did anybody say, but I have a nose. But I got greed. How come you're telling me that, how come this guy's saying, I don't have greed. I got anger. How come he's saying, I'm free of anger. I'm still angry. How come? Did anybody think that? It was early in the morning, I know. You had a hard day the day before, so you know. But anyway, if we, you know, that was an abbreviated confession ceremony. We said it three times, right? Another way of doing it is to do it for three months. You kind of get into it. But, you know, this is This is something which we hadn't discussed beforehand. This is supposed to be like, this ceremony was supposed to be over by basically breakfast. So we're going to like, we're going to do confession for three months now. And maybe in that time, people will start like really thinking about, well, what does he mean free of greed, hate, and delusion just by saying that little phrase?

[28:51]

Well, yes. But not just by that, but not just by the power of you being able to say, all my ancient twisted karma. But this is the part that's maybe new for some of you, is that that statement crosses paths with Buddha. And in that communion, you are freed of greed, hate, and delusions. This is actually what's being proposed here is that this ceremony of receiving the precepts actually frees you of greed, hate, and delusion. But not because you're really caught up in greed, hate, and delusion, but because really you're not. And the precept helps you realize how you're not. But you also have to admit in order to enter into this that for a long time you have been

[29:57]

thinking in terms of yourself opposed to others and you've been angry at others and distrustful of them and feeling inferior to them or superior to them and hating them when you feel inferior to them and hating them when you feel superior to them. and hating them when you feel equal to them, and being greedy and confused about the whole thing. This has been going on for a long time, hasn't it? And to really tune into that is part of what helps us become a very dear and open infant. who then is open to this communion and wants, actually, the communion, wants to be back home with Buddha and has no problem about that.

[31:04]

And Buddhists have no problem about that. They're just waiting for us to find some way to drop our defenses, which we use to get through the day. So this Zen master, this man who so strongly emphasizes upright sitting, from the first time you meet a master without engaging in incense offering, bowing, chanting Buddha's name, repentance, just wholeheartedly sit. He said that, right? Same guy. But here he's saying, melt away the root of transgression by the power of repentance and the Buddhas are going to come and help you. That's the same person teaching these different ways of teaching. Although our past evil karma has greatly accumulated, indeed being the cause and conditions of obstacles in practicing the Way, may all Buddha's ancestors who have attained the Buddha Way be compassionate to us and free us from these karmic effects.

[32:49]

This is called a request. and expression, which this Zen master wrote down and which we just have repeated. So I invite myself and you to consider how you feel about this business about your past evil karma that's greatly accumulated indeed becoming an obstacle and practicing the way. Do you? Does it seem right for you to say, may the Buddhas be compassionate. The Buddhas who have attained the Buddha way, may they be compassionate to us and free us from these karmic effects, allowing us to practice the way without hindrance. I find a smile coming to my face. The smile is like, wouldn't it be nice to like practice the way without hindrance? Like, you know, like get up in the morning and like, here comes the way.

[33:52]

Like, you know, And it says allowing us to practice the way, but this is not allowing me to practice the way. It's allowing us to practice the way. It's like you get up and you go wash your face. And it's not like you're practicing the way, but the practice, the activity of face washing... is not a hindrance to the way. As soon as you get up, the way is happening. This is the way. And now the face washing and the tooth brushing is not going to be an obstacle to the way. How come? Because the Buddhas have freed you from karmic hindrances. What karmic hindrances? The karmic hindrance which is the way of thinking due to past karma that you think Getting up here at Green Gulch is not the way. And brushing your teeth is not the way. Anyway, you think maybe it's not the way.

[34:56]

That's enough. A little bit of like, I don't know. I don't feel like this is the way. You know, there's these Zen stories. This person gets up in the morning, she goes to the bathroom, washes her face, and suddenly she realizes, this is the way. This is the Buddha way. This. This is called enlightenment, when you realize that this is the Buddha way. This. is the Buddha way. This is the Buddha way. This is the Buddha way. This is the Buddha way. Like this. This, this, this, this. But not this like this. But this is not hindering the Buddha way. The Buddha way doesn't have eyes or ears or nose or tongue. I have an eye. I have ears. I have nose. And these do not hinder the Buddha way. And isn't that like, well, gee whiz, I'm glad I got up this morning. This is really a good one.

[35:58]

And like, imagine, like, just keep going through the day like that. Step by step, it's like, put away. Every person you meet, like, is helping you. Not hindering you. Helping you. How are we going to see that? How are we going to see that? Try to see. Try hard. Be good. Work out. Confess? Well, sort of, but not really. You're not going to do it by your own power. You're going to do it because you're working together with your friends. And your friends are like these people and the Buddhas. You're working with the people and the Buddhas. And mostly it's the Buddhas that are helping you understand that the people are helping you. And some of the people also say, yes, we're helping you, or yes, so-and-so is helping you.

[37:03]

But some of the people say, well, no, I'm not helping you. And you just say, yeah, I didn't think you were. So, you know, come on, help me. No, and so on. But the Buddhas are right there the whole time with you in the way which is not hindered by this except by karmic, you know, habits. Like, you know, this is not the way, or anyway, I'm not sure it's the way. And if you're not sure it's the way, that kind of counts as, you know, not the way. Because the way is like when you're sure it's the way, when you have no doubt. A little bit of doubt goes a long way when it comes to the way. So anyway, it's not like your confession is going to take the hindrance away all by itself, by your power.

[38:09]

But anyway, the practice of confession, not by your power, not by somebody else's power, but when it happens, it opens you to the actual working of the way and the actual meaning of these precepts. The question that comes to my mind is how how to enter into this communion with the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas who are practicing together with us right now.

[39:33]

How to open to and enter into that communion and in that communion then we'll be able to receive these precepts which we have already received, but receive them again and again. Is there anything you'd like to bring up? Yes. You have a friend in Idaho? Yes? A rodeo cowboy. What's his name? Logan? And Logan fell in love with a Mormon girl. So he had to become a Mormon. And And he tapped out. And I was the only one of his friends.

[40:35]

He wasn't embarrassed. He liked his dad better. And he said to Logan, you are now going to be free of all these things. And Logan put on a jumpsuit and got in a big hot tub tank and ran up. And he felt free of all this stuff. And he came and hugged me and cried for no shock. And it was one of the most phenomenally beautiful moments I've ever experienced. So it's quite questionable, phenomenologically. Are we talking about the same thing? Sounds pretty much like the same thing, phenomenologically, except we don't have jumpsuits. But maybe that would help, you know, if we got some, you know, even sillier... These should be silly enough, but, you know, maybe if they were sillier, and we'd, you know... I think the willingness to be silly, you know, to entertain some silly thoughts...

[41:45]

And to have somebody talk to us like that... But another possibility is we'll just keep our regular forms now, but we'll just do them over and over, over and over. We'll use repetition instead of, you know, outrageousness to crack through our hard coats of karmic hindrance. Anything else you want to bring up? Yes? I've never really had a sense when you're talking about the Buddhists and bodhisattvas. I mean, I always think of half of them are those.

[42:50]

It doesn't, I don't, because on the other hand, what you said and what you talked about is that the formless, or the ultimate truth, the formless realities, doesn't have to do that. That Buddha is there. Right. And so, why do you talk in terms of these, I mean, what is then this Buddha you're talking about? I mean, to me, the formless reality is Buddha. It's not like there's little Buddhas that happen. It just is it. Oh, I see. So why talk about Buddhas? Because to you the formless reality is Buddha. Well, isn't that, is that, that, that power? Well, I would say that it's not that the formless reality is Buddha, but that the formless reality which has compassion as it's, as it's in sort of, in its core, that's the Buddha.

[43:57]

But, yes? So that is Buddha. How helpful is it to talk about Buddha's visiting? How helpful is it? Pardon? It's just not helpful. It isn't helpful to you yet. Yeah, well, it's helpful to me. I appreciate that the Buddhas are helping me, are practicing with me. To me, that's very helpful. And also, what I understand a Buddha to be would be a being that would be practicing with me. I mean, that's what I understand a Buddha to be. And that's what I understand a Buddha to be. I don't see any other Buddha than a Buddha that practices together with you and me. But I don't make that into some thing, because the nice thing about Buddhas is they aren't limited to being like some independent thing.

[45:08]

They're more like the helpful nature of the whole setup. And because they have no form, They're unobstructed by all forms. You can't throw them off by being a jerk or being cool or being stupid or being smart or being big or little or alive or dead. Nothing can stop their beneficent activity. or the beneficence of activity. So the formlessness is what allows this beneficence to track us everywhere we go. So the teaching is that you can't get away from this Buddha. There's nothing you can do to get away from it. No matter how good or bad you are, you can't shake it. And any Buddha that you can shake is a not fully developed Buddha. So you know some people, you know, phenomenal people, and they'll stay with you through thick but not through thin, or through thin but not through thick.

[46:13]

There's something, you can shake them off, but you can't shake a Buddha off. Because, you know, there's no trick you can pull because they're so flexible, you know. They can adjust whatever, you know, whatever karmic twist or turn you get into, they come with you. Now, if you don't want them to, they come anyway. But if you want them to, really, and as part of that you admit how limited you are, then the communion starts to develop. And you feel this encouragement. And you tell other people who tell you that that's not helpful to hear. And then you say, okay. And you watch him twist and turn and make faces. And you say, okay, go ahead. Let's have it. Come on. See if you can shake me off. Because I got backers.

[47:15]

So, you know, I may be like Logan. I can ride you, you know. No matter how much you buck, I might be able to stay with you because I'm not staying on by my own power. The Buddhas are, you know, helping me be flexible. But if I do it by myself, easy to throw me off. But if I do it by myself and confess to my trip to do it by myself, then I stop trying to do it by myself and I feel all this help. I find that helpful. To run my mind like that. But also, sometimes I feel that I've been greatly helped, helped in ways far beyond what I can understand. I've been given kindness that I cannot see that I deserve, rather than being given less than I deserve.

[48:25]

Anything else you want to bring up? Yes. It involves telling the other person all of your resentments and fears. Deep, dark, ugly, black, secret. going to people, everybody they're upon, and asking for their... Yeah. Doesn't sound like another tradition to me. That sounds like Buddhist confession. So my question is, are we doing that? yeah that's my question too are we doing enough is once a day three times enough is it i mean it could be is it is it cracking through are you still like need a little bit more do we need to do more i wonder too are we doing enough

[49:41]

And by the way, there's another aspect of confession which isn't so much to confess, you know, I did bad thing X to so-and-so. But another important form of confession, which I also talked about Sunday, is confession in the form of saying, I take refuge in Buddha. That's actually a confession, that I would like to take refuge in Buddha. And it's a confession. But what also happens when you do it in public, also can happen in private, is when you say, I take refuge in Buddha, or I want to take refuge in Buddha, or when you say, I vow to refrain from killing or something like that, or, you know, as a disciple of Buddha, I don't kill. When you say that, you may notice some impurity in that statement. So even the statement of an intention to do a good thing, you may notice that brings out the fact that you think, you know, that actually you're going to be able to do this by your own power or that you're already good at this or whatever.

[50:50]

Some impurity may be surfaced when you state a positive a positive aspiration. So that's part of the confession too. And I was talking to someone about how he didn't want to state his positive intentions because he thought it was kind of self-righteous and arrogant to say, you know, I'm not going to kill anymore. But I'm not saying that we should say it. You can say, I'm not going to kill anymore, that's okay, but I'm not saying it has to be said in the sense of you, by your own power, are going to be able to not kill anymore. But another way to say it was, it would be, I confess that I've done a lot of killing for a long time, and even though I've done this and I have this deep killing habit, I still would like to learn how to not kill. Or even say another way, I've been thinking in terms of my own personal power for a long time, and thinking in that way, I've been thinking that I've been doing killing.

[51:51]

And even though that's the case, I would like to learn a new way to live and work with people to realize not killing. I would like to realize that. But I know I might slip back into this thing. That's why we say, will you continue this practice of confession? Because even though you're free from greed, hate, and delusion, you still may slip back. Even when we say, I take refuge in Buddha, that offers an opportunity to surface impure motivations, impure attitudes, karmic attitudes about the precepts. I acknowledge my previous karma and now I want to receive the precepts, but even now that I receive the precepts, my karmic habits are resurfacing again in the way I understand them, in terms of, well, I'm going to be able to do it or I'm not going to be able to do it. But We have these impure motivations as possible ways of thinking.

[52:53]

They're available to us. We can always, maybe I shouldn't say always, but usually we can remember how to think that way. But by stating our positive intentions, we, I think, have a chance to bring them out in the open where other people can see them. And when other people can see them, we can see them better. And the more vivid they are, the closer we are to being free of them. But if they're kind of like a little box and we're trying to keep them under control, then they can destroy us. So that's part of what Segaki's about. The ceremony is, let's get these hungry ghosts out, you know, out in the room. Let's bring these things out. That's part of what Halloween's about. Bring the ghosts out. Because when they're hidden away in the closets, you know, in the graveyards and so on, then they can really hurt us. But out in public, with all of us looking at them, then that can liberate us. So again, your question, are we doing enough?

[53:58]

Are we wholehearted enough about our confession, about our repentance? And we can say no. We can say yes. But actually, I like your question better than yes or no. Every time I say, all my ancient twisted karma, was that wholehearted? When I say beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, and also if there was beginningless greed, hate, and delusion, maybe there was some activities associated with that. Maybe like I've done some really bad stuff. And to remember that without it bringing me down and depressing me, but to remember that in such a way that it makes me more childlike, to find that way of remembering my evil past so I feel ready for this communion.

[55:08]

So maybe in a Zen temple, maybe saying it three times a day will be enough if we do it wholeheartedly. Or anyway, maybe doing it three times a day will not be enough, but will be a good opportunity to do it those three times. And then maybe we can keep doing that repentance all day long. Maybe all day long we can remember our beginningless greed, hate, and delusion. And remember our karmic hindrances every time we meet anyone. Remember that we have this ancient twisted karma. And maybe you can come out there and be sort of in the room. There's you, there's me, and there's our karma, which hinders our relationship. Maybe we can become more aware of what is hindering our relationship. What is hindering our relationship? Like last night, you know, I was sitting at the table Right?

[56:18]

With you. And you said something, and then later you thought, what did you think? You thought maybe you offended me? So there it was. Here we were, two human beings at the table, and you said something, right? And did you think that what you said offended me? Yeah. So there it was. Just you and me at the table, and there you were, opening up, talking, and you were wondering now, was what I was saying, you know, causing hindrance in our relationship, right? Yeah. So there it was. So you got to see that little bit of karma there, right? Or just not so much that what you said was karma so much, but the way you thought about it, you thought, now, maybe that hindered us. But you weren't sure, right? But what you did is you confessed, didn't you?

[57:19]

You sent me a note, right? So he sent me a note. He wasn't sure if he had hindered our relationship. You weren't sure, right? But just in case you had, just in case your words had caused some hindrance, you wanted to say you're sorry, right? So that was an example. He felt a little hint. It was nothing, you know. I mean, he didn't like say, you know, you stupid, selfish, worthless, phony. He didn't say anything remotely like that. We're just talking about computers. And somebody asked me a question, and I said something, and then he said something different, you know, but his thing was, you know, a little bit better than mine. I mean, it could be seen that way. And so maybe that would have offended me.

[58:24]

Something like that, right? But what did he do? He noticed it. [...] And then he didn't just let it there. He put it out there. He confessed. Not that he did because he wasn't sure. Not that he did something. But if he did, he's sorry because he doesn't want to have a hindrance. He didn't mean to have a hindrance, right? But you expressed yourself and then there was a possibility of that. So this is an example of a little bit of an example of doing it in daily life. And You know, he had time somehow in his day, or he made time to write that little note, about six words or something. Didn't take him long, and then he delivered it. And then I had time to read it. And now we had time to meet and talk about it. And I say, thank you. I say, that was sweet. It was childlike that you could do that. So I felt basically it was sweet that he did that. There was a little thing there, A little thing happened, but I didn't think it was a hindrance.

[59:33]

And now I see, you see, it wasn't a hindrance. It was actually a way for us to relate. It was an opportunity for you to show me that you care about our relationship. You made an effort to show that to me. So in all our little interactions, when those little bumpy, gritty things happen, what do you do? How do you relate to it? This may be a karmic hindrance. This may be due to past karma. The way I'm seeing this could be, could be. And I confess it. I'm sorry for it if there is. And that makes us ready to embrace it and to talk about it and to say, you know, if this is any problem, you know, I want to work this out. But sometimes you may feel like there's no time. Sometimes there isn't. But in this case, there was. But it's not easy, you know.

[60:38]

Somehow he... I shouldn't say it's not easy. Sometimes maybe it is. I don't know if that was hard for you. Did you have to... Was it a little hard to write that note? All right. Right, exactly. Don't let them linger, if possible. So, yeah. The sooner you say it, probably the least charge it'll have, the less charge it'll have. Anything that you want to bring up? Yes. Yes. It's a kind of, yeah, it's a confession. And it's a repentance. It's a confession and a repentance. It's a confession. The confession is, I want to sit upright.

[61:40]

You're making that statement that you want to do that. And then coming with that may be any kind of like personal power trips you may have around that might surface. And then any kind of, if you feel unable to do it, that might surface. But also you're kind of surrendering to your situation. And then I also said, though, that it's to sit upright and contemplate the way things actually are. So I went a little further. But again, that posture is a posture of relinquishing your views. And relinquishing your views is the mode in which you observe how things are. So in that mode, It's a repentance for all the time we've been sitting and standing in a biased way, in a not upright way. So the formless repentance is not to say specifically how you haven't been upright.

[62:44]

It's to rather sit upright. as an acknowledgement of all the ways you haven't been upright. I've been so biased. I've been so off balance. I've been so off for so long that now I'm going to sit upright and open to how much I've spent my time being not upright. And part of the difficulty I have in being upright is how unaccustomed I am to it. So I'm not specifically mentioning, but in fact I'm repenting for everything, for all the things I've done other than be upright by being upright. And so part of our training is to sit upright and to feel how difficult that is because we haven't been spending very much time at it. We've been spending a lot of time doing other things, so it's hard for us to sit upright. But as we sit upright more and more,

[63:48]

we become clear of our biases. Like, you know, all the things you want to do to accomplish something, rather than just sit here and clear the register of all the times that we've been involved in getting something. Yes, did you have another point back there? Anything? Yes? Yes? Yeah, I meant there's a person behind you I was speaking of. Thank you. Yes? Did you? Reverend Fu? It's getting close to nine and you thought what? Are you? So you want me to conclude this evening's affair?

[64:57]

And you do too? Wow. Do you too? And you? Yeah. Okay. Well, that's okay. I'm sorry to keep you up past your bedtime. made our intention.

[65:25]

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