about a month ago we we were here
hi i think it was a second was the second of january third second of january so i spent a month when they are solved and am
i i offered dead to
look at
training and bodhisattvas ethics
and
i mentioned that time that ah
i think i did it anyway measurement that time that how one becomes a bodhisattva by caring for developing
a great an aspiration
an aspiration and aspiration to realize buddhahood
for the welfare and happiness of all beings
ah and suggested
in accord with the ancestors that although one may have such an aspiration the aspiration will not be realized without training
it's partly that that human beings have some limitations in their ability to work for the welfare of others but it's also that the training itself not only makes the person mart
but the training itself isn't service
the training of the being who has the aspiration is the realization of the aspiration
without the training there's not realization with the training there is realization of the aspiration of buddhahood for the welfare of all beings
and the training method ah
can do is is described in many ways but two ways and is described one way is as bodhisattva ethics which has three aspects
the ethics of restraint
the ethics of gathering all wholesome factors and the ethics of maturing all beings that are the three fold ethics from body surface the three fold ethics of training which realizes buddhahood for the welfare of all beings
is then there's also bodhisattva for training is described as six fold
the six perfections which are giving ethics patience enthusiasm concentration was in last six
and those six actually can also are also included in the previous three
the second of the previous three includes the sixth
because the second is is to gather all the wholesome factors in all the wholesome factors are
gathered in no six strings
this
ah yeah so there's pills are two different ways of talking about how body suffers tree

and then in the intervening time between that meeting her last time and now we had an intensive meditation retreat at green gulch and during that time we studied ah these bodhisattva precepts
this these are the three four bodhisattva precepts

and there is a wide and a narrow understanding of ethics
one earnest the wide understanding of ethics is the is threefold ethics the threefold ethics embraces the totality of the buddha way
on sometimes in the tradition
it's taught that the training of a practitioner is training and ethics training and concentration and training and wisdom
but the ethics hear the boy south essex includes all three of those
plus also in asia when they talk about those three trainings are catholics concentration and wisdom they assume you don't even mention the training in giving
that's just understood that you can pick the wind and training not all not all of the
to call them disciples or demo days or members of the buddhist space not all of them are in training but they all practice giving
the giving is understood so really is giving ethics concentration and wisdom
but in practicing knows
patience and enthusiasm have to be involved to saw the sixth the six perfections
the three learnings
ah and the three for precepts
our
mutually including each other

ah
we had sunshine or week we transmit sixteen bodhisattva precepts
and the first three are are going for refuge in the triple treasure buddha dharma and sangha
the next three but i'm live event for i've mentioned it that goes first three are are for on
all the different kinds of british traditions practice the first three going for refuge in the triple treasure
not all the buddhist traditions our traditions bodhisattva traditions but in the body software tradition we have the three pure precepts which i just talked about and
ah we spend a lot of time in the last
intervening month at gringotts looking at these three for precepts
and
what maybe i could say that the reason or called three pure precepts
the reason why all three are pre-prep your precepts is because of the first one the first of the three pure precepts
his the purifying precept
the precept of restraint
which is the first of the three
is you could say restraining imperfection
it's restraining ah
defilement is restraining
ah outflows
and based on the first precept which is the purifying precept than the other two precepts follow and they are also pure
ah the second precept of of gathering wholesome factors one could practice that
one could try to practice that without first practicing the ethics of restraint of
on outflows restraint of defilement
restraint or impurities one could practice the second one of gathering wholesome without first practicing the purifying present however if we did that the second precept would not be a pure precept
he would also be it would be defiled because of not practicing the precept of restraining defilement

or restraining outflows
and outflows are
the illusions
ah the delusions the misconceptions that naturally flow out of and arise in on enlightened beings
so what does it mean to restrain the outflows the restrain the defilements
what does it mean that practice the first beer precept well partly means that you noticed that you haven't that there is that the outflows have not been restrained that the illusions are rising and what are the illusions look while they look like cause there
as an illusion when you look at a person
are you look or you're aware of a feeling for your aware of a thought
quite naturally these outflows arise with the experience of a person
the outflow of example of the illusion appears at the person is separate from you
the illusion is ah that they exist independently of you or that you exist independently of someone else that illusion
seeing someone that way
your vision of them is not pure
or you could say it's impure it has this these outflows of illusion are
coloring or staining
your vision of the person or your awareness of your own experience
so the first precept is to restrain that
oh another aspect of this is that when you see people for trees or animals or food or money anything when you see pain and pleasure
as separate then you think you can
you think you can grasp it
it appears to be graspable you think you can gain it so another thing that arises is a we look at we look at beings we look at relationships and we see some gain possible
for we see some loss possible the appearance of gain and loss in our relationships
parents have outflows
you can actually see an outflow when you swear you see situation and you can see it in terms of gain
when you see it in terms of loss when you see that things that way you're now seeing the world in the and filed away
and most people can do that
most people can like see going to the grocery store to r
pineapple they the n and by the apple they can see that in terms of i gained first of all i gained the grocery store
i walked over there and i gained the grocery store that i gained the apple but then i lost some money because i gave some money i didn't give some money i had to give them money to the people who worked at the grocery store so i gained an apple but i lost a dollar
so most people can see that in other words most people have defiled vision of their life
they don't see the grocery store was given to me and i gave myself to the grocery store the apple was given to me and i gave myself to the apple the food was given to me and i gave the food away i'm gonna skimming money was given to me and then i gave the money away
the version of giving
if the vision of how flows being restrained

another way i spoke of this first year precept over and over his is it's training in presence is the precept of presence
so the precept of presence mean you restrain not been present
it's a trait a precept of training it's something is given to you to remind you to train in being present and training been present for living beings means train yourself to restrain your going away from being present because sentient beings nacho
really
naturally have outflows which
take them away from being present
when you see somebody and you think oh gain you've just lost your presence
when you're holding a cup and you think again the cup you're not present with the cup when your present with the cup there's no gain or loss
when you drink tea
and you give yourself to the drinking of the t and t gives itself to the drinking of t there's no gain or loss the outflows are restrained than your purely drinking tea and you're practicing wholesome dharmas like you're practicing the dharma of being generous your generously
receiving the t and giving yourself to the t are practicing a wholesome practice called giving and it's pure because you don't see drinking tea is a gain or loss
and perhaps there have been moments in our lives when we drank tea and we didn't think it was again or a loss and we thought
how wonderful to drink tea
we had a taste of practicing that first year precept maybe we didn't you think we were we're trying to but we were present
and we didn't think i gained some tea
i gained some hydration again some caffeine
i gained some pleasure
and now that she's gone so i lost the t
we didn't drink the tea that way we we drank the tea practicing the first body sought for pure precept the precept of
purifying our presence

this means to live to be present without outflows and being without outflows is another isn't definition of enlightenment on board his enlightenment is to live without outflows to live without gain or loss
the word gain and loss still appears in the world but there is
there's no involvement in it where restraining ourselves from getting involved in it
you've heard me say and here i'm gonna say it again our practice
he's not just concentration
our practice is not just giving our practice is not just ethics
our practice is not just wisdom our practice is complete perfect enlightenment

practice without outflows his enlightenment practice
and enlightenment has to be practice
otherwise it has outflows
if if enlightenment isn't the practice
then it's not enlightenment
if enlightenment smelt the practice enlightenment would have outflows and enlightenment is the lack of outflows
but put it positively enlightenment has to be practice in order to be free from our flaws

enlightenment has to be practice in order for there to be an end of our flaws because the practices trying to get anything
it's a defiled practice but when practice is not trying to get anything other than practice does not flow and that way of being as enlightenment
and then all the activities we do all the practices we do which are not trying to get anything are enlightened
and then if we try to help beings we try to help beings
we devote ourselves to helping beings
but the main how beings is to show beings how we can be with them without trying to
get anything
we're working to mature bees without trying to get maturity
so then the working for beings as purified of outflows the the practicing and wholesome factors is without outflows and practice of a restraining outflows his successful
so the zazen of this school
is not just learning concentration it is without outflows
it's not trying to get wisdom is not trying to get concentration when you're really present not trying to get concentration and not trying to get wisdom you have wisdom and concentration united

what i said can be elaborated quite a bit but i want to stop just for a second and mentioned that
not very not always do we drink tea without
any gaining idea
not always do we drink tea without any outflows not although not always do drink tea
in this purified way
so part of the training in this catholics in the ethics of presence
part of the training
can the in the bodhisattva hasn't somebody's out for ethics he is number one
to be aware of the precept whatever the precept is in this case the first pure precept we have a preceptor which i just told you about
call the precept of presence called the precept of restraining any outflows called the precept have restraining concern for gain and loss we have their precept you got the precept i i gave it to you he was given to me i gave it to you you might be clear about that precept thousands
send so much about it
if you're not you're welcome to ask questions so the principal be clear and the one i gave it to you it was given to you didn't take the precept he didn't make it up it was given to you by somebody else somebody else who's not separate from you
get anything from that's me
i'm somebody other than you was not separate from you that you can't get anything from
that's me
and everybody's like me
but not everybody gives you the first pure bodhisattva precepts
because not everybody got
the opportunity to have given to them but i did so i'm given a to you've got a take care of it
but i know you might have trouble
first of all three of the preset number one number two is you want to practice it may be
you aspire aspire to what to practice the first pure bodhisattva precepts and the other two in accord with that first pure precept
use many aspire to practice these three pure precepts
not you hear this precept if you received this piece the you aspire to practice and then you may notice that you don't practice it
you mean how to set perhaps you fail at practicing it that you forget to practice it even sometimes you don't want a practice it
anyway for whatever reason we sometimes feel like we're not practicing it
so then we come to the third aspect
our body sought for ethics third aspect is
failing at practicing bodhisattva precepts and feeling regret
because we wanted to do this practice of been enlightened what's the practice of being england is the practice of not trying to get enlightenment
for anything else
it's the practice of
not seeing the world through the lenses of gain and loss is the practice of restraining that stuff
and we failed and we regret that we failed because you really do want to be practicing enlightenment
and we want our practice to be enlightenment because if our practice was enlightenment than it would be no gain
somebody said just recently when is it how she said then
i think the person said the important point is the journey not the goal
is that what the present what i heard important point is a journey not go well in this situation that's right adjourned important thing is a journey and the important thing is the goal
the journey and the goal have to be the same thing
we have to practice right down with right now
practice
which is the goal
then our practice is undefiled and the goal is undefiled
can i practice doesn't have outflows
i'm practicing right now talking to you and i'm not gonna get anything for it
and yet it's enlightenment if i practice that way
but i forget sometimes so if i notice it is look at it
and i feel regret because i'm not doing what i aspire to do i feel regret i feel embarrassment here i am
sang i want to become a bodhisattva saying i want to take care of this exploration saying i want to practice the precept are being for of restraining trying to get something and i just tried to get something i'm embarrassed
and i notice is a hot word these days in california but i'm also ashamed i'm ashamed that i aspired to not be to get stuff for me
our get stuff for anybody and i'm slipping into gaming i'm sorry i'm ashamed and embarrassed i regret
those first three practices
are the conditions for the fourth practice the fourth aspect of ethics which is that you don't forget anymore
as you remember that you don't fail
he don't fail because you practice failing with regret
an embarrassment
and you also you take your regret in a bit your embarrassment and you bring it to your teachers you bring it to the buddhas and bodhisattvas and your tell him i failed in practicing presence i failed in restraining gain i was trying to gain so many people
come to me and practice the third one they stay confess they noticed that are turning get something from me they notice it
they confess it and they regret it
they notice if they confess it in our credit for years a come and try to get something from me
and i told many stories during the during the intensive
about great zen masters who went to visit great zen masters in hopes of getting something
in hopes that st nicholas will soon be here
they went way out of their way over mountains and through valleys of the shadow of darkness to meet the great zen master says they can get the true dharma from the greater master and then the stories about the great zen master not giving them what they're looking
tend to get
but of course he wasn't anyone you've actually given them just what they want to get which was he was restraining there
attempt to get something
here she was giving herself completely
and in that way
there was no gain and there are frustrated because they wanted gain something and they trained a long time until finally they realized that they didn't need to gain anything and that's what they actually came to learn

let's see i'm one too
three four five six seven
eight
nine ten by ten of the eleven ten or eleven the people in his room where he in the intensive so i was also thinking you know perhaps to ask pupils and when intensive to share what they learned about police the precept and i'm mentioning that now
but before we get into that possibility since we have this resource here
of different peoples or learning experience around these bodhisattvas ethics
these bodhisattva ethics which somebody smiling about sunday what it is wrong about you
what are you smiling about
was what was what would happen in her face
a response to make you smile when you saw that you smiled yeah okay now i know he smelled in response to something a facial expression can you do it again for us
okay so
yeah so i'm saying you know
buddha's enlightenment or you know in a sense going to sitting meditation buddha's sitting meditation is this is the three pure precepts
a body of buddha is the practice of these three represents
and the true body of buddha is the first precept the present of restraining

concern for gain and loss
the police marty and buddha is practicing
gathering all wholesome factors
based on the pier of first represent based on the precept of restraint based on the true body and buddha we have the reward body and buddha and the working to mature beings is the transformation a body of buddha
so the three bodies of buddha or these three per precepts

practicing buddha is practicing these three pure precepts
one could think
that we have a way to practice buddha by practicing this three precepts

any questions or feedback or finger pointing to the air yes the moon your funds your move
oh that moon
for as an accident
for
standing before the see he received if he said
received the precept correctly from another not just receive it but from another and also correctly in other words you understand it number two you aspire to practice it number three you fails and you confess and repent
and number four
recommend
a number for know you your commitment a recommitment actually more a recommitment actually happens you recommitment actually happened to your real commitment actually happens in number three
thank you for your question tracy apple
i didn't think you were that i was stressing the recommitment happens and the third aspect of practicing ethics because you don't have to worry commit if you didn't know slip on your banana peel
it's the third one will your recommit oh i forgot but i still want to know it has no singing
i didn't say that the same i didn't send you the same and i wanted the same no matter what you do i don't say that the same gay
he noticed like to flip that you slip that you didn't do it
then you confess it and confession not the same as noticing is it now and then to confession and how does she feel regret
and because you feel regret an embarrassment and shame you recommit
all that's in number three
the number three is a big fat one
number twos are not even big is just like inexhaustible infinite wishing to practice these precepts is the unlimited mind of enlightenment
it's it's a seed of the mind of buddha is that you want to practice
the precepts
pure precepts of the buddhas and bodhisattvas you want a practicing and the first one is the teaching is the practice method
the third one is all that stuff that goes for that detect that that cures at least for the moment for the moment it cures the slipping and allows you to recommit to number two and under one
number four is just flat out number for he's actually just number one and two
number four there's no regret there's no need to recommit
you are committed and you are successful and you're not slipping that's member for been written on before
when you get to them before really you're just to a number one and number two
the other is numbers number four is is is a special aspect of number one into when number one and two are all this happening then you have a special situation which is mentioned in number before which is you do not regret your life anymore
you do not regret the way you're living you do not you're not embarrassed anymore you're not ashamed anymore you're just very happy to be a bodhisattva and in fact that's holder and that all or is is all the detectives bodhisattva now how tall there is does not even you and bodhisattva they just bodies
thought for happy
they're just happy boy sought for him there's not you in addition to it
they just rumbling
but he suffered motorcycles
that's my cell number four is no my regret because you don't you're not sleeping your list and we know slitting nice because there were four is based on the first three number four is based on the first two but it's not really something in addition to just mentions that when you practicing the first to with us
lifting you don't have regret and shame and grief and
remorse all that stuff
and i wish you can turn up brilliant intensely how bad you can feel when you do something cruel you don't have that anymore
did you train yourself out of cruelty

hidden pitfalls okay kinda skip those hidden pitfalls into the open
that's not hide any pitfalls

get to the air
shane
memories

the whole wide peace
or the think hialeah noticing yourself
yeah well if you're not kind to yourself then you just have another thing to confess
confession is his confession is my confession and and punishing yourself at that time it just that when you confess you feel shame the and
it feeling shame when you're not doing what you want when you really aspire to that shame is part of compassion
a slippery slope for some
well slippery slope is what number three's a and i'm threes about that the first two
the iceberg for example the aspiration to restrain outflows is a slippery slope is hard for people to to restrain like like and presidency most people slip away from presence most people slip away from present most people have a hard time being present my factor
i just heard to
crimper embassies in the present alvarez is the princess but people have a terrified of the present salute they like need religion
to make these religions to help people to present it's so hard to be present
here we are holy god as the presence and were terrified of it so we have all this religious equipment to try to help us be present presence is very easy to slip off of a tightrope is very easy to fall off of presences
is a one is a tire of that doesn't have a it it has a forward and backward on it
it's very slippery
and if we ever get to stand on it
that's exactly what we want that's enlightenment but we had a big religions around it to help people be present
and of course when your present that inexhaustible unbounded point
but very slippery so we're going probably stuff quite a few times sword and have a modified of opportunities to notice that we slipped and then okay i noticed wanted next step and know things are noticing is enough for k c later okay maybe i didn't really want to confess it on k fire i hear you
so nokia is fine romney designation i feel ashamed i feel embarrassed okay now we're getting pretty close to doing your job yeah and you said you could stay you could then think how noble of me but then that's another slip
gay doesn't i slept for gag cartoons can cut them were no x the and then i actually i was terrible me to think i was normal says most look we're not so much terrible but in a mean way terrible out that kind of not my nice terrible but how about oh that was terrible
google use an adorable terrible
the adorable terrible twos right
you can see that's terrible and really have no ill will and have total generosity towards terrible
towards
mistake failure you can be really kind to that and eventually you can be not afraid to make mistakes so again we in afraid to make mistakes you still make mistakes but you're not afraid to admit them either
but this is a quite a training course isn't it
and he yeah yeah yoakam he asked
pardon
i couldn't hear you
yes

yeah

forgiving wonderful and obedience about her son he is the first few a against will serve in a way ship i wasn't so press on ever i was in a way with obedience to the right thing
when
well i notice that
the
there is no i felt and all of this as the lower house
i realize that similarly there a desire to be purchase to be have a wonderful human being a wonderful forty seven so isn't it better to say
well
i'll do sweetly the best i can even if i fail levels at every step and even if i have to
the try to do with perfectly
do it in such a way that doesn't awaken this
snake of
kills between the nation and salon lists and
choose to be human
and forgiving and not a person or persons early so yeah you say you aspire to be
forgiving and what else
lovely and loving yeah
him courageous and courageous as the have forty and have forty two you aspire to all those things yes
okay that's you actually asked you aspire and those precepts
fortitude love ah for you the one forgiving generals and those are those are the precepts some of the precepts and you aspire to them
and
and if you aspire to them you will wake up the snake the snake will wake up we're trying to wake the snake up
know the snake is now the snake is down in a pit i sleep you know but if anybody moves you know it who knows what to do he will attack so we want a way to sneak up so the snake can practice the bodhisattva precepts right
and he a few and
completely the word the word perfect means complete we are imperfect
but we can aspire to be perfect we are incomplete but we can aspire to be complete
to be courageous have fortitude all that stuff is part of those are completing practices those practices to be completed to be completely if you happen to be a human to be completely human touch with those practices or for
and they're all just trying to hear they're here to try to help us be present
present present president president president president or just here to help us be present
not to be distracted by getting anything from being present for avoiding losing anything by think present
and if we're in for present for a moment and then we're not presently next moment we may be able to notice it so i was there for a second without trying to get a thing and now i'm drained game something well while there's a practice for that number three
right
the snake
the scythian assassinate is essential bear hot pardon
today
no it's not that the snake makes you feel better now the snake doesn't make you feel better the snake is better
the snake is better the sneakers are living being
year by with with compassion
okay and am
this compassionate
this
that's the only way so
i'm going to
be
i guess
what's muslim much that you're gonna it's not so much of you're gonna be fallible he just couldn't come you're going to admit that you're fallible
and you're going to notice examples of it hopefully the snake is fallible and they were going to try to sneak to be aware that it's a snake and that is fallible and we're going to train or by being kind to it is gonna learn that is getting lots and love to support its study of the boys are for precepts
and the snake will become buddha it's a snake practices these precepts
just like a human
who are practices precepts will
when practicing them put it is realized
and it's a slippery slope but can we we have these for aspects of practicing these precepts which reminds us that slipping is
gonna happen until were fully trained and then we have a practice of dealing with slipping called confession and repentance and then that will lead us to pay on consistent in the practice of enlightenment
i'm starting to feel uncomfortable oh how much time you've been talking i've given you this much i like to have you let other people talk now okay the the merchants with you
thank you
yes
the biggest challenge to have liked to
it's out of eighty pounds you're here you're bring out your biggest challenge
oh wow
he

if it doesn't get something out of nothing
if i actually just a that what she says like that is the meta that is why of that's what he thinks we have an accent wall
that's wonderful am
but if you if you stopped doing what you said you just do it did are making something out of nothing if you stop that you wouldn't be a sentient being anymore
and if you weren't a sentient being
do whenever problems
okay but for the other people who are sentient beings they need to take care that person who's constantly making something out of nothing
does living beings
so if you weren't living being anymore it's true that wouldn't be a problem
there will be living beings suffer
but not but non non living beings then people don't suffer
you can be a living and did you cannot be a living being in the dead right
a nice
the non he cast
but like my asking
yeah i hear you that you you want to be dead
do you want to be dead that is one of the things that living beings want living beings wanna be dead but when it has long as you want to be dead you're not dead
so there's three there's three kind of what card sometimes the outsourcers characterize as threefold he said of like gain and loss the characterized as a desire to be dead the desire to be alive and the desire for sex dos three
so you living beings have these desires and you're an example of a living being who sometimes wishes to be
extinguished dead that but that's something a living beings have that kind of desire then people do not desire to be alive or dead
they'd also don't desire sex
but living beings desire at least one of those three if they don't desire any of them than they have ended our flaws and their buddha's the central thing is no longer there now you have a buddha somebody who is trained herself so that she's not she's restrained the desire to be dead
to be extinguished to be nonexistent
so in sanskrit is called brother raja the luster a passion for brother is a passion for existence obama braga is a passion or desire craving for non-existence and then there's camaraderie the desire
for sex so right now you're specializing in all of a raga
obama raga obama rather that your game today
but that's just that's some games sentient beings play if you don't play a game anymore than we have buddha
the food is not just a dead person but it's a living thing that has no craving for existence no craving for non-existence or for sex
this i sentient being hama here i am and i have a craving for non-existence that's my thing they said up
if you restrain that
you'll be better if you don't suffer
well i started much you can do it but it can be restrained if you're practicing precepts
and you don't have to stop being who you are you not to say okay i keep my mind i really don't have this passion for non-existence know you're living beings
do sometimes have a passion of desire a strong desire for non existence and protected characteristic of a living being
and insane how we can be kind somehow not that you can do it but it can happen with the support of the sanga with the support of the buddhas and bodhisattvas it's possible that there will be compassion towards what towards this desire for non-existence
and that compassion will eventually
relieve that desire for non-existence and then we have buddha unless you switched to one of the other ones
okay now i got over that one nine nine into desired for existence most people flip back and forth between the two we have we actually have not had a census in or survey to the book
if most most popular into desire for existence or nonexistence i use a will probably most people are into desire for existence just thinking
i like a slug people have have desire for sex
so a certain time holders his desire for sex for some people but then sometimes when you threaten their existence than they switched from sex to existence
but then sometimes when they have existence and sex they just want to get outta here
just get me outta here i exist in i'd totally obsessed with sex i want to be on here so my were impeccably know but are we most of a strip between the three
probably share of our life and sometimes we hang out in one for a long time but basically they're all opportunities for compassion the all opportunities for training
and for example training restraint of the desire for non-existence how do you train as he trained by noticing it's there and by confessing and repenting it to notice and it's painful people who want to commit suicide or having some difficulty with that it's
painful to wanna kill yourself
and it's painfully wanna kill yourself and
be extremely cruel thereby to everybody who cares about you it's very painful but people get into it
the like we need some passion lot of compassion has to come to the person is contemplating suicide lot of compassion can it's very easy to is to sink wow you scared of this existence i'm drooling i can't remember anything in i'm just my skin's falling off i'm just a mess
yes it's painful all i can do is deal with my bodily fluids and register on my wanna get into nonexistence yeah but that's that's not really compassionate how can i be compassionate to myself when i'm such a mess
that's my question

this
yeah that's what i call on existence to

no sunday it's it's it's something that a living being feels and you want that
yeah you want that and wanting that other than this
one thing that other than this is an outflow it causes suffering and when you have it to want to hold onto it causes suffering get it's not not when a human being fear when a living being feels non-existence that's not a problem is salon is desiring it when you don't have it and holding onto a when you do
and most people of course have existence and they desire more of it and they were holding onto it and an awesome twenty five secs they know they want more a month now holding onto it this is normal
but we'll get you don't have those problems
for for a while anyway
yes
i can live
by
yes
i thought
yeah but
i feel really a local example you're talking about
us about oversee fascinated by entering now
a youtube video acknowledging myself has been
biggest
the
and the he said pointing to my life
i think it takes as
just good practice having a good soccer practice and remembering in i took these vows
on his arm and
remembering the surface a devout muslim
so for now
i don't know either but it's it's pretty good start you're confessing that you that when you have valley difficulties you sometimes think about putting an end to them by doing this thing called suicide
and many people share that impulse to again desire for non-existence when existence is very painful
and even thinking of some way to realize it called suicide
and i just i just heard this story about this jain none
ah who am her
are they have a practice in jainism is which is i can remember it's solid connor sally something you may notice something like sally kohn which is a ritual habitual starvation
you know and a very you know very careful thing that they do together with their teacher and as for this they starve themselves and i thought it was in a way ah
and also this one particular example shown in this case was not a was but as nuns sister who she was ordained with who was very sick and her teacher said okay you can do this a corner you can do this ritual process of gradually
a kindly eating less and less and less drinking less and less and less
as it has a spiritual exercise as in was pretty it's a pretty nonviolent way in a way of dying but body ciphers are like
i'm is it
okay with people if i leave i kind of feel like i find the like going someplace else knows our right
and on
if everybody already says okay
maybe so i'm i'm just gonna go someplace else and i do some other work for now i'm in a trade in his body for another one said okay with everybody in people might say actually we'd like you to stay around a little bit longer
you must be okay
we don't want to meet his ritual starvation thing right now
this is not this is not like do this is now this is not blow your head off don't do that giants ah
are very very very intense on nonviolence so you don't do any violence themselves but they do this thing of gradually reducing in a very gentle way reducing the food over months and months with with the community but i thought of a little bit different in buddhism maybe we're not quite as intense
on the nonviolence as they are but we're a little bit more into like if people need me around even though i'm kind of a wreck and i don't think i'm very useful
if they want my kind of very not very useful person around
okay and then you might say but what if they don't take care of you and you have to take care yourself we only even a sister who's a stay around but we're not going to help you deal with your you know incontinence and etc when how not gonna help you but we still want you to stay around and show us how you suffer
okay
i'll stay with no be even in nobody will watch you from a distance runner can assist you but will just sort of watch you eat have a video on you can watch your for want to on the computer for we don't want to hang out with because you smell bad
the really obnoxious we can always download bit of you but we want you to hang in there because it were really encourage us boys offices well have you in the voice of the yeah didn't i would be helpful to people all do it
they practice the first pure preceptor not trying to gain anything not afraid of losing anything so they serve beings and to conserve beings by being
you know
a pile of poo to few tresses okay it's not the where wanted to i wanted to be like a well well we got well clad well quaffed priest
wanna be like a big nice shining a bright meditator that's the way i want help people but now
i can even up anymore i'm just a wreck people find me repulsive but they still want me to stay around because somehow they still think i'm somewhat useful as a teacher even though they don't wanna be too near to me anymore
and nobody's trying to get anything from anymore
so
and nobody's trying to get anything from anything in my neighborhood so maybe it's good that i'm around maybe people are practicing even though i'm such a wreck some of your stay
and there is a big thing in buddhism by asking people to teach asking voters to teach and asking him to stay in the world
this is all different but has going to stay in the world
but i'd i often die i mean i'm pretty regularly think about how much longer
and how much more trouble
is a good is it beneficial for me to like put up with in terms of the body and mind which is body based
so you
you changed the brain situation of the mind is effective it functions differently and
but how wonderful if the practice would who would continue even when the body and mind go through these radical does tremendous changes how wonderful encouraging it would be to people how much it would inspire them and encourage them and and give them the gift
her fearlessness and the gift of dharma
okay so
what's right now
what your age
yeah so the people who are fifty eight and above they have thought that they know what you're talking about that such spots free through their minds quite frequently to sell words so if you're if if you have any questions let me know if if i wanted a girl okay kr anda
i'll let you know if he asked me lamb and i say i think it's time to go about than you can go
okay
best
okay yeah okay good
anything else is marnie yes i'm in early afternoon yes
yes
muslim clergy factors and
she came to me knows
the farm that also thing
and i was not a hero
you came to bring gosh to find out what your fear was gay
he want to face it greater is getting more demanding
now
the or after the fear
dazzling you know
sometimes suzanne
amy

tom isn't about you
and looked at it
and i thought i was afraid
the world
my aspiration is you
basement everyone because everyone laughing
as for it
i didn't have the world
you know i gave up that not freely the world's might say
no no no
point
it just appears that
but then i realized
so
give me nothing is so much better than getting anything from it
and so does give them so as are going to fear reading fear seeing that appears the sorrow fear is
it's really sad about not feeling that in giving them
i'm sorry
but i'm really kind of the sorrow i realized that aspersion
and then
sarah district is joy
psychedelic
that

so i think drive-ins can really
that has a fear can turn into
kevin
amazon
la than session
balloon was a the some
back
some time season
the moon isn't
t-bone
sometimes even the moon isn't
no
you a fire carry water from the for
lake
but
shines on us to get some rest
too late

yes food related issues or something
as a result of the retreat
the outflows
during the retreat i found a catwalk plan to double down the rain came your side
i have i said
the ashes ashes was really late
a
me over ever was
many of the season
an aberration
the found the surgery and was planning to you about you see that to me you have found summer to to feeling
and so i started gotta find afternoon and monday i started a new contract with the client
he is seven principles that is asked to back to back back for eight hours and including one that was a lunch which was a two hour mean and what i realize in the course of meeting as individuals
has anyone wanted a small package
it was easy to the present
because all practice and that the amount of energy required for president because i was restraining outflows
was
nemo
where i meet with people before his work
workday i would say to say be manipulating instead of letting the meetings with arise and so it was tiring
i'm thinking that i need to or respond to something itself was fastened and so then i just thought at the end of the games and
i've found remarkable considering you final these of inferior to please
but the one thing i noticed about presence was that when i have a lunch for two hours it was fairly hard and presence
this notion of renouncing worldly affairs are usually large middle of a very busy
cisco and i noticed twice that i lost contact with person was really have a severe drought jacket off the back to their chair
it's something else and both times i could feel the person looking at a sort of sort of get distracted by the fact that thing
i never had that awareness for for and i think i was distracted a lot of the time and the same experience that you described heard
i run away i thought it was concern that sondra asia hidden my impulse was to help them but it wasn't my face to do a musical of a bunch on so i wasn't unhappy but i felt with for having
somehow disrespect with this person sitting firmly i felt regret for remorse and then it should only it was made me feel so much for a full red present with him at this launch and none of those experiences are things that have had the former business
so i i wanted to share that this notion of restraining outflows his there's there's crave and
in such a way that
makes me feel the effect with lamps of what found several generally means to thank you for your kitchens to reveal the opportunity to practice presence with sap
you're welcome
he's had enough for now

hey well we can now have a lunch meeting
may i
the