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Freedom from Delusion through Studying Delusion
Keywords:
AI Suggested Keywords:
The talk discusses the aspiration to liberate all beings from delusion and suffering through the study of one's karmic consciousness. It emphasizes Dogen's teachings on vows to hear and see the true Dharma, and the necessity of maintaining a compassionate examination of one's karmic consciousness to overcome delusions and confusion. The dialogue addresses practical challenges faced in this process, such as resistance, habitual patterns, and emotional responses while highlighting the significance of compassionate awareness and the interconnectedness of all beings.
Referenced Works:
- Eihei Dogen's Teachings: The speaker emphasizes Dogen's teachings on the vow to hear and see the true Dharma, which is central to overcoming delusion.
- Kodo Sawaki's "Practice for Nothing": This concept resonated with a practice of engaging in Zazen without expectation of gain, which aligns with the teachings of practicing compassion for all beings.
- Third Turning of the Wheel of Dharma: This was mentioned in the context of studying the evolution of Buddhist teachings.
- Dependent Co-arising: Referenced in relation to understanding karmic consciousness and interactions with others as a practice to realize the interconnectedness of all beings.
Significant Dialogue and Concepts:
- Karmic Consciousness: The discussion revolves around understanding and studying karmic consciousness as a pivotal aspect of realizing Buddhahood.
- Ordination Ceremony (1970): Mention of a recorded ordination by Suzuki Roshi, which highlights the importance of studying the true mind and the vow to save all beings.
- Compassion and Awareness: Emphasizes the practice of observing confusion and delusion with compassion and awareness as a path to liberation.
AI Suggested Title: Liberating Through Karmic Consciousness Exploration
Let's see, well, we just chanted a verse at the beginning written by the ancient teacher E. He Dogen. And at the beginning, Dogen said, in the original he actually said, I vow from this life on through all countless lives to hear the true Dharma. But we could also say, I could also say, you could also say, I vow to see the true Dharma. And so that's a vow, a commitment. to see and hear the true Dharma.
[01:02]
And that commitment, that vow, might go with the wish, the wish, the aspiration to see and hear the true Dharma. And that aspiration to hear the true dharma to see the true dharma might arise in relationship to another wish a wish to save all beings a wish to save others a wish to liberate all beings from delusion and misery So when we have a Dharma event like this, I think it's good for us to reflect inwardly about our motivation in our lives and in particular also our motivation right now as we come to this meeting.
[02:36]
Is our motivation... to save all beings? Is our motivation to cut through all affliction in order to save all beings? So again, the verse we just chanted, the ancestors said that if we do hear the true Dharma, if we do see the true Dharma, we will be able to care for the true Dharma, take care of it. If we see it and hear it, we'll be able to take care of it.
[03:43]
And in taking care of it, in maintaining it, the great earth and all living beings together will attain the Buddha way. Once again, in seeing and hearing the true Dharma, we can take care of it. And in taking care of it, the great earth and all living beings together will realize the Buddha way and be free of suffering and be able to help others be free of suffering. So again, let us reflect on a regular basis. Once a day, twice a day, every hour, every minute. What is our central motivation in life?
[04:50]
If it is to benefit all living beings, if it is to benefit and liberate this world of suffering, then perhaps we can vow to do so. And this vow will be the basis for us to see and hear the true Dharma, which will enable us to fulfill our wish and to fulfill our vow. And then the next paragraph says, although our ancient twisted karma has greatly accumulated, indeed being a cause and condition for obstacles in practicing the Buddha way, may all Buddhas and ancestors be compassionate to us and free us from karmic effects. So if we've discovered this wish to benefit this world,
[05:58]
to contribute to the liberation of all beings and the great earth. Even so, there may be karmic obstructions to this great work. And then it says, may all Buddhas and ancestors be compassionate to us. Here we are, perhaps, wishing to liberate all beings. wishing to benefit this troubled earth, this troubled great earth. But there may be karmic obstructions to this work. May all Buddhas be compassionate to us and free us from these obstructions to this work. And how do they free us from obstruction in this work? How do they free us from the karmic obstructions and turbulence that seems to make it difficult for us to do this work.
[07:03]
How do they do it? With compassion, yes. And in their compassion, they give us gifts. And what gift do they offer us? They offer us the teaching. They offer us the Dharma. They offer us ways to look at our karmic consciousness. Wherein our self lives. Partially. And that's where the karma is appearing. Everybody has karmic consciousness. but not everybody is studying it. So the Buddhas, and if we don't study it, then the karmic consciousness is a hindrance to the vow to save all beings.
[08:12]
If we don't study the karmic consciousness, then the karmic consciousness just keeps generating hindrance to the practice of living for the welfare of all beings. Everybody has karmic consciousness, but not everybody's studying it. The Buddha's compassion encourages us to study karmic consciousness, which is there every moment. So now I am offering, through the Buddhist compassion, teachings on how to study karmic consciousness and teachings about the causation, the cause and effect relationships of karmic consciousness and all beings.
[09:37]
Last Tuesday, I started a series of classes under the auspices of the yoga room. And after the class, someone graciously offered me some feedback on the class about karmic consciousness. And they said, I think they said something like... that they found the class confusing. And one could say that the class was confusing, but also one could say that karmic consciousness is confusing. Or that karmic consciousness is usually embodying confusion. And usually there's confusion in karmic consciousness.
[11:11]
So to study karmic consciousness involves studying confusion. Now someone could have also given me the feedback on the class that they found the class deluded. And again, karmic consciousness is full of delusions. So if you see delusion, if you see confusion, you actually have a great opportunity there because when you see that, you're seeing karmic consciousness. But it's not necessarily pleasant to be, you know, looking at or contemplating confusion. So, pretty much all karmic consciousness is confused and deluded.
[12:18]
But again, not everybody is aware of it. All the cruelty and unfortunate, unwholesome activities that are going on in the world today, those are enactments of karmic consciousness. And now that they're enactments of unexamined, unilluminated, misunderstood karmic consciousness. If karmic consciousness is not studied and understood, It remains confusion and delusion and from that confusion and delusion very unfortunate actions are born and expressed.
[13:21]
Karmic consciousness has consequence. Every moment of karmic consciousness has consequence. Everybody's karmic consciousness is having consequence but the unexamined karmic consciousness is the one that causes harm in the world and the examined one leads to the enlightened one and the enlightened one brings benefit to the world brings benefit to the world where Some karmic consciousnesses are not being examined. It brings benefit to those who are not examining their karmic consciousness. It brings compassion in the form of teaching to the unexamined karmic consciousnesses.
[14:29]
So if I am blessed with the aspiration to live for the welfare of others and liberate all beings from suffering and benefit the physical and sentient world and I want to do that work, then it would be appropriate for me to examine the realm where obstructions to that work are living. And in that examination, come to understand that realm and realize Buddhahood for the welfare of all beings. So as many of you know, the ancestor Dogen, who I just quoted, who says, There may be karmic hindrances, Bogan also said, defined, gave one definition of delusion, a delusion that lives in karmic consciousness.
[15:49]
He didn't say that, he just said, to practice and confirm all things while carrying the self is delusion. Or you could say, by driving our actions and our practice with a self is delusion. And that's usually what's going on in karmic consciousness, is there is a sense of self and there is confusion about it and there is a sense that the self is doing the practice. And the self is relating to all things. To see that way, which is common in karmic consciousness, is one of the definitions or one of the pictures of delusion.
[16:50]
And then Dogen also says, to be greatly awakened in the midst of this confusion, in the midst of this delusion, is Buddha's. It doesn't say that Buddha's don't have any confusion or delusion. It says, to be awakened to this delusion that exists in karmic consciousness, to be awakened to delusion greatly, is Buddha's. I like that way. That awakening to this delusion is Buddha's. Another translation would be, those who are greatly awakened to this delusion, But when you say those who are, it makes a little separation between those and the awakening. I prefer just the awakening, the great awakening about delusion is, that's what Buddha is.
[18:05]
And we, all of us, have a consciousness that has delusions in it. So Buddha is right there in our consciousness when our consciousness is understood. When our delusions are understood, that's Buddhahood. And actually, Buddha is there in our consciousness all the time, understanding it. Once again, everybody's got deluded, confused karmic consciousness, but not everybody's looking at it. So I'd like to work with this consciousness and be in conversation with other consciousnesses to help examine this consciousness and help other consciousnesses examine themselves, study themselves, see the delusion, compassionately observe the delusions, compassionately observe the confusion.
[19:13]
Rather than try to get rid of the confusion and then study Buddhism, let's work with the realm of karmic consciousness. Let's study the karma moment by moment. It's there to be studied. It's warm and still to be enjoyed. And again, it's there whether we enjoy it and pay attention to it or not. But if we don't take care of it, then it just creates more obstruction. Unattended karmic consciousnesses create more hindrance to our practice of the way of liberating beings and benefiting beings. I just was recently been studying the various kinds of ordination ceremonies that we do for lay people and priests, and I came upon a transcript of an ordination ceremony that occurred in 1970.
[20:46]
And it was the ordination ceremony of me, of this person, and also of my Dharma brother, Paul Disco. We were ordained almost 52 years ago. And I see Charlie here. I don't know, Charlie, if you could find and see if we have the audio. of that ordination ceremony, because it was recorded on cassette. And I have the cassette, and I'll give it to you, but I think the cassette might be not usable anymore. But usually we do not record ordination ceremonies at Zen Center, and I didn't know that the ordination ceremony that I was in was recorded. And it was.
[21:52]
And I was reading it recently. And at the end, at the end of the ceremony, Suzuki Roshi talks about and suggests to us that we all have this true mind within us, this mind that Buddha has, the mind to save all beings. He suggested it's in us. And he suggested that the ordination ceremony is to join the order of studying and taking care of this great mind. So Charlie, in your spare time, if you ever have any, could you see if you can find it? The ordination was August 9th, 1970. And if you do have it, great. And if you don't have it, I'll give you the cassette, but I have a transcript of it.
[22:53]
Okay. So, do you have any questions about how to study your mind, your consciousness, your karmic consciousness? Do you have any questions about how to study And study and study and study and compassionately investigate your own karmic consciousness. Do you feel motivated to do so? Do you feel responsible to do so? If I wish to benefit all beings, remembering that means I remember the karmic consciousness which has that wish in it. First I look and see if I can find that wish in the karmic consciousness. And then to take care of that wish, to protect it, I need to keep looking to see if it's living in my mind.
[24:07]
And if it is, how is it doing? And how is the confusion in that mind? And am I letting any moments of confusion pass unattended? And the answer is probably I do sometimes. But I can actually right now, as I'm talking to you, I can look at the karmic mind while I'm talking to you. My speech is a karma coming from my consciousness. And my consciousness has a pattern, which is the karma. And I'm studying it, and I'm not just studying it because it's interesting or not interesting, because it might not be interesting. It might be boring. A lot of people tell me that they find their karmic consciousness really boring, that they're sick of it.
[25:11]
They sometimes say, I'm sick of myself. That's one way to put it. But another way to put it is, I'm sick of the consciousness which has a self in it. I'm sick of a consciousness that has a self in it. and where a self is surrounded by all kinds of confusion and delusion. And, yeah, I understand how one might be sick of it. It's kind of like being in rough waters. You might get seasick if you pay attention to this karmic consciousness. But if I want to benefit all beings, then part of my responsibility, in addition to practicing compassion towards... self in all beings, is to do the work of studying this confusion. Because again, studying this confusion is what Buddhas do. And in studying the confusion, they realize awakening about the confusion.
[26:14]
So if I want to benefit beings, part of my responsibility is to study confusion and delusion of my own mind. And meet other people and hear about theirs and help them study their own. And have them help me study my own by asking me if I'm studying my own. Okay, I don't know. Maybe that's enough as an introduction. And let's see if it's enough as an introduction. To what? To ascertaining, if you have within your mind, in your karmic consciousness, a wish.
[27:24]
a mental phenomena which is a wish to realize awakening in order to benefit all beings. Is there that wish there? I offer you that question now and I hope you take care of that question in the future. Again, Suzuki Roshi said in my ordination ceremony that we do have that wish in us. We do have that true mind which wishes that to save all beings. It's there. Look and see if it's there. And if you can find it, then next question is, is there any confusion coexisting with that wonderful, wonderful wish? And there probably is. And do you understand, is it clear, that if you have that wish, then also part and parcel of that wish... is the responsibility to study the hindrances that surround the afflictions that surround that wonderful wish, that wonderful aspiration.
[28:37]
And if you do understand that that is our responsibility and the responsibility of your consciousness, then let's talk about how to fulfill that responsibility by studying and also by listening to teachings about that situation and also to listen to teachings about the causation in relationship to studying or not studying karmic consciousness. So, in the midst of confusion, do you have any questions? In the midst of confusion, Do you have any requests? In the midst of confusion, do you have any comments? In the midst of confusion, do you have any confusion? I see many yellow hands.
[29:40]
Okay. Yellow hands unite. Our first offering is from Svamir. Hello, Red. Hello to everyone. Hello. I have a question about my confusion. As I told you before, the reason why I started to practice Zazen was because I read something from... Sawaki Kodo Roshi. Practice for nothing. And when I heard that, it was a kind of illumination in me. Is it possible to do something for nothing?
[30:41]
And from that time, I entered the practice of Zazen and tried to practice wholeheartedly with the Sangha, by myself, and not having expectation that I will gain something from the practice. So, studying myself and the karmic obstruction It's a part of the practice, as you said, and I try to do it. But at the same time, I feel a duality, like I practice to gain more clarity instead of just practicing, facing the wall, cleaning the house, and helping.
[31:51]
somebody in the street and so on, but just by acting, not by intellectualizing or psychological, I don't know, you understand, using our Western psychology. So could you please give me more? Yeah, thank you. Okay, so you said you started practicing Zazen when you heard this teaching from Kodo Sawaki Roshi, right? The teaching of practice sitting for nothing. Practice sitting with no expectation of gain. That really appealed to you. So then you tried to practice it. And you have been practicing it for many years, which is great. He didn't say, if you have the wish to benefit all beings, practice this way.
[32:52]
He just said this practice and it appeals to you. And I would say the reason this practice that he told you about appealed to you is because you do have the wish to benefit all beings. Of course I have. Yeah, but he didn't say that. But I'm saying that and you say, of course, that's right. If you have the wish to benefit all beings and this practice that you're talking about is an appropriate practice. So that's great. And what I'm also saying is that you also have a karmic consciousness. So here you have a karmic consciousness, and in there is a wish to benefit all beings, and also there's an appreciation to live without trying to gain anything. However, the karmic consciousness has deep habits to try to gain something. And if we don't attend to those practices, for example, to gain clarity or to be more perfect at not trying to gain anything, if we don't take care of that karmic consciousness, then those obstructions undermine the practice of, for example, to do an action like sitting or talking or thinking in a way that's clear.
[34:19]
Clear what? that sees what delusion really is. So, you have the practice in mind, and the practice of sitting, for example, without trying to gain anything, that practice could be called the practice of the true Dharma. That could be called the practice of taking care of the Dharma. But there's karmic hindrances. And you don't have to go look for them, they're right there. However, we do have to pay attention to what's right there. And what's right there is that the place where this orientation to practice for the welfare of all beings without any expectation of gain. The practice to live for the welfare of others without trying to gain anything. That's the practice.
[35:21]
And There's all kinds of delusions around it. And we have to also, part of our responsibility is to study those delusions, again, without any gaining idea. If we ignore them, they just keep undermining this simple practice, once again, the simple practice of living to save others with no expectation of gain. That's the practice. And that practice lives in a space where where there's confusion. If we don't take care of the confusion, the not taking care of the confusion will throw us off of this simple practice. So we have to take care of the confusion. And then again, learn to take care of the confusion to save it and have no expectation of saving it. Is it a delusion to think that
[36:23]
Practicing for nothing is possible? I believe that it is possible. And I believe that it exists, that the practicing for nothing exists surrounded by confusion, which is trying to gain something. If that simple practice doesn't live in the midst of trying to gain something, then all those attempts to gain something will not be liberated. And they'll just keep generating more obstructions. But if we do this practice, which is already right there, it will liberate all of our attempts to gain something. I believe that. That's what I believe, yes. And that's why I'm here. To keep working compassionately with all this confusion for the sake and with no expectation that anything's going to be accomplished.
[37:26]
I want to accomplish the freedom of all beings, but I have no expectation that it's going to happen. I believe it's possible, but I don't expect it. But I'm working for it. I love you, Rhett. I love you. Our next offering is from Jim. Good morning, Rev. Good morning, everyone. So every day I have a habit of going to sit, zazen, and I always go to that practice with the intention of studying karmic consciousness.
[38:27]
It seems like that's what I'm here to do. And I usually start out with some success, actually. And then what I notice is that karmic consciousness has a mind of its own. And at some point, it seems to take over. And so... What I conclude, what I think is that karmic consciousness has some resistance to being studied. It seems to me to be part of the dilemma of karmic consciousness. It has this resistance to being studied. It doesn't want to be studied, or it's evasive.
[39:29]
It's trying to get away from being studied. And so, yeah, so then I... Can I say something right there? Yeah, please. The observation that karmic consciousness has some resistance to being studied is a revelation that comes from studying karmic consciousness. So the fact that that's been observed, the resistance is being reserved, is a success story. There's some awakening to that the situation that's to be studied also has within it resistance to it being studied. And so my next strategy is, well, to, you know, I guess go back to studying it even though it resists being studied.
[40:32]
And study the resistance. Right. So the wish to study and the resistance live in the same space. Study that confusion. Study the resistance along with the wish to study. That's part of the work. And you're doing it. And be compassionate. Of course, be compassionate to the wish to study karmic consciousness. Clap for that. Yay! And also be kind to the resistance. And the resistance is part of our biological situation. It takes a lot of energy to study karmic consciousness. It doesn't take any energy not to study it. So our body and mind is built in such a way that our... You know, study is very expensive, so you could say there's a habit to not expend the energy that it takes to study the karmic consciousness.
[41:40]
And so part of the Buddhist teaching is to praise, study so much that we'll get over our laziness. You could say resistance. Or you could say it's laziness. The karmic consciousness has a laziness in it which doesn't want to spend energy of the body and mind to be studying this thing. Because the karmic consciousness can go on without study, which is not good, but it can do it. And it doesn't take any energy just to keep rolling along and obstructing the Buddha way. So when we wish to study what you're saying you want to do, we notice that there's some habit of not studying. which is similar to resisting study, which is similar to resistance, to expending the energy on study rather than the energy on karma, which is very efficient. Just go rolling, very easy. It's hard to study karmic consciousness. It takes a lot of effort.
[42:41]
We need to really think it's important. And you do, but you need to keep thinking it's important. And also apply practice to the resistance. Be kind to the resistance. Study the resistance. You could say, Buddhas are those who are greatly awakened to the resistance to studying the mind. Great awakening to this resistance is Buddhas. So it's a success that you wish to study and that you notice the resistance. And again, now... Study the resistance and awaken to the resistance. And that's Buddhist. That's what I intend. Great. Thank you. You're welcome. Our next offering is from Allison. Hello, Allison.
[43:47]
You're muted. Great. Great to see you. Great to see you. And thank you to the Sangha for being here with us. We spoke about a week ago, and when we spoke, I shared with you that I'm exploring the experience of betrayal and exploring the question of... how one heals from betrayal, how one frees oneself from what I'm realizing through this conversation is a complex karmic consciousness full of I, capital I's, and self. And so I wanted to share two things that are coming up today around it. One way I've been practicing is I notice when, through interacting, which is where the betrayal usually occurs for me.
[44:49]
If I notice a small betrayal, then I slow down and I sit with that. I slow down and stretch out the experience and notice what's coming up in my body and mind and notice what arises. I'm like, what do I do? And so this week I experienced... What I perceived as a betrayal that was maybe on a level four of one to ten. So there was some stuff, you know, it had some juice. And the person with which this occurred was visiting and then went away. So then I had time to sit and notice. First, all the ideas of what I thought was happening. And then notice. the sensations in my body, which involved quite a bit of tension. And honestly, like a certain sense of deep pain, like pain in my chest, pain, like it hurts physically.
[46:02]
And then in sitting with it and carrying it around and studying it for the weekend, I realized that Why don't you ask this person what they were thinking instead of staying in the place of deciding what was happening and perhaps through simply opening the conversation, then that betrayal isn't a betrayal because then it's a conversation. Yeah. So I wonder your thoughts on that A, and then the B question is... Can we handle that first? Yeah, A. Yeah, so I feel what I heard you say was it sounds like you were studying the feeling of betrayal and that you were practicing compassion with it.
[47:05]
Mm-hmm. You were paying attention to it. You noticed it. You paid attention to it, and you saw more and more about it, and you were kind to it. And in this kind attention to this sense of betrayal, this wonderful thing arose in you, which was curiosity. You know, wondering what was going on. So that kind of compassion with this betrayal in karmic consciousness leads to some investigation and wondering. which can lead you to understand what that betrayal is and become free of it. Even if you never talk to that person, you're already curious about this thing in you. Being curious about the betrayal is the path to insight about an awakening to the betrayal. Buddhas are those, again, great awakening about this betrayal is Buddhas.
[48:09]
Even if you never talk to that person, again, if there can be awakening to this betrayal, there's Buddha. And the curiosity is beginning to study it. But first, before you studied it, you were like giving it space and being generous with it and letting it be. Not trying to get rid of it or plan revenge. You were working with this thing in your karmic consciousness. And it wasn't easy, but you did it. That was great. And then that led to a wisdom practice, which is wondering, what actually is betrayal? And I wonder what's going on with that person and so on. So that's the first part. That's great. Keep it up. Thank you. It was actually, it was the first time in my life where I realized, just ask. And then it was like. Yeah. Just ask this question. Yeah, and then I was more able to be compassionate with the person because I had the great opportunity to be able to talk to that person in a conversation that was a conversation.
[49:21]
So that was a gift. So then the next layer I'm realizing today is, you know, there is some gaining ideas still because I want the pain to go away. I want the pain to go away. Treat the wish for the pain to go away. Give it the same compassion you gave the sense of betrayal. And then by being compassionate to the wish for the pain to go away, then again, that might open to curiosity about what is this wish of the pain to go away? I'm not trying to get rid of the wish to get rid of the pain. I'm letting it be. And now I'm wondering, what is it? Thank you. You're welcome. Congratulations. That's a great, great attainment. Thank you.
[50:22]
This whole practice helps make that happen. So great appreciation. Our next offering is from Jeremy. You're muted, Jeremy. It's great this topic has come up. I have an observation I'd like to share. Is that okay? When I've been examining karma, I feel less confusion, more being overwhelmed. My overwhelming sense is the vastness of karma and the depth of it.
[51:32]
And that when I begin to attempt to explain... Excuse me, may I say something at that point? Yeah. You said... I think you said the vastness of karma and the depth of it. Yeah. So that is a description, a traditional description of karma, is that it's vast, unbounded, and has no basic, no fundamental. It's so deep, it doesn't have a bottom. So that vision of karma, of your karmic consciousness, has been shared by the ancestors. That's part of studying it. is to realize it's vast and unlimited and unreachably deep. And that can be scary. But that's part of what is involved in the study, is to note that revelation. Yeah. And the effect of that is, as I begin to attempt to explain my behavior, say, all of these explanations...
[52:42]
Our fictions, our stories. The explanations are more delusions in the karmic consciousness. Yeah. And they should be dealt with with compassion. Right. They should be studied. But then... These fictions. Right. These fictions are calling for compassion and they need study. Right. They need study, okay. You are studying them because you're reporting that you've noticed these fictions. That's because you're studying them. Okay. And then the sensation is of just awe and amazement and wonder. Good. Good.
[53:43]
Those are beneficial arisings which will support your study. Okay. They'll help your study be fruitful. They'll help your study penetrate the fictions, the delusions. All right. Thank you. Very good. Thank you. The next offering is from Charlotte. Hello, Reb. Dear Assembly. And what's your friend's name? Her name is Alma. Anna? Alma. Alma? Alma, yeah. I don't know how this is going to...
[54:46]
work now when she wanted to be in the room with me, but I will try. Well, I wanted to ask a question and make a confession. And my question is related to that I I'm eating a medicine, like a Prozac medicine. And I feel that it helps me in some ways to function better. But I also feel that it has kind of really made me feel numb kind of in my experiences.
[55:56]
Excuse me, excuse me. It's good that you know this. It's good that you notice some numbness. So be aware of that numbness and be kind to the numbness and wonder what is the numbness. Study the numbness. And you might say... But it's harder for me to study the numbness because I'm feeling numb. Well, yes, right. Even you can study numbness too. It's there. It's calling for compassion. And it also wants to be understood.
[56:59]
It wants you to wonder about it. Great, great awakening to numbness is Buddha. In the same time, sorry. Yeah, so because I feel that... It's been very difficult for me to be kind of scared or very worried to lose connection with my sensitivity and also to compassion because I feel like compassion
[58:11]
I feel like it often kind of embraces my pain. And now when I feel that compassion, I don't feel that connection so strong. And then I really kind of sense that I really attached to compassion and to be feeling this warmth and this embrace. So I guess that, and I think that attachment has really stirred my mind up and made me, yeah. But again, your awareness of this I see as showing that you're studying your mind. You're aware of this attachment. That's good.
[59:17]
That's part of your responsibility is to be aware of attachment and also to be aware that the attachment causes disturbance in the mind. So both of those observations are showing that you're studying your karmic consciousness. That's good. And then also you can be compassionate to the attachment. and you can be compassionate to the disturbance that the attachment causes, because attachment normally causes disturbance. And you're seeing that. This observation has been made for thousands of years, and you're making it today. Attachment creates disturbance. You're seeing it. You're studying. This is good. It's not pleasant to see the attachment. It's painful and it's not pleasant to see that it's disturbing, but I find it pleasant to hear that you're studying. I'm happy that you're studying and you can report this because you're studying, you're taking care of your karmic consciousness.
[60:28]
You're meditating on it. Oh, it makes me very happy to hear that you say that because I kind of feel like Maybe now I cannot really practice the way that I... Yeah. Well, you are, though. You actually are practicing. If you weren't, you wouldn't be able to tell us this. Because you're practicing, you can tell us you notice attachment to compassion and you notice that the attachment is disturbing. This means you are meditating. You are paying attention to your consciousness. You are seeing your karma. And it's hard work. But you're doing it. Because I feel like maybe I had this worry that this lack of sensitivity is going to be harmful.
[61:36]
Perfectly good worry. The worry is another opportunity for you to observe the pattern of your consciousness. And you have been observing it. That's how you can tell us. So you're telling us this is another observation of your karmic pattern. So I'm not here to get rid of the worry or to make things so that you don't worry. I'm here to remind you that your job is to study that worry. And you are studying it somewhat, but I want you to be more confident that the study you're doing, that this awareness you have, is the practice. And also there's nothing to gain in this study because more worries are coming. We're not studying to get rid of the worries. We're studying to awaken to them.
[62:36]
So this is another example of your awareness of your mind, awareness of the patterns of your consciousness. This is another example of you studying your kindness. Yeah, so you don't... I think I wonder if you would have any thoughts about Prozac, if it's not... In a relationship to practice.
[63:37]
Meditation. [...] The thought of taking some medication. That thought of taking the medication should also be met with compassion. And that should also be studied. This is another karmic pattern. And this study will lead you to great wisdom. In the meantime, if you do or do not take medication, in both cases, the practice is to observe the mind which is thinking of taking the medication or not taking the medication.
[64:49]
I don't have to comment on the thought. I have comment on the practice with the thought. You practice with your thoughts and they awaken to you. Thank you so much, Reb. You're welcome. It was so helpful for me. And I'm sorry. This is kermit consciousness. Yes. Thank you, dear Reb. Our next offering is from Charlie. Hello, Reb. Hello, great assembly. I looked in the collections, in the archive, and I found this recording of Suzuki Roshi ordaining you and Paul Disco. Great. And I wanted to share that with the class.
[65:50]
And Amanda can send the link to it afterwards. All right. Thank you so much. Yeah. Yeah. And it is a it's it's a recording taken from the original reel to reel tape. So it's hopefully better quality than the cassette that you have. But there's indications of several times that there's gaps of audio missing. So maybe your cassette will have something that was not there before. Hello. So I've looked at the places where there are pauses. And I think I know what was going on during the pauses. I think it wasn't a fault of the recording. I think they turned the recording off. Because like one of the places where in the transcript, there's nothing in the transcript about receiving the robes and the bowls. Yeah. And that's a, so there's a, right when the, right in the transcript, right at the place of giving the robes and the bowls, it stops.
[66:52]
So there's various places where Suzuki Roshi isn't really talking. And that usually corresponds to the gaps. So I don't think it's a problem with the recording. I think it's that they decided to turn it off during the parts where there's physical actions that we're doing together. So I think it's okay. And my cassette also has the gaps. Great. Yeah. For example... There's not recitation of the receiving of the precepts, which is where we're going back and forth. That's not in the recording, but of course that was there. So mostly what's on the recording is when he's talking, which is great. It's wonderful to hear. When we're interacting physically and verbally, that part is not recorded. It's so interesting to hear that. the way that these precepts were transmitted so many decades ago, and especially to hear Suzuki Roshi's voice.
[68:01]
So I encourage everybody to check it out. And I'm going to take a look. Maybe there are some other ordination ceremonies that are recorded, and we can hear more of how Suzuki Roshi recited those. Thank you. That's all I wanted to share. Thank you so much. Our next offering is from Susan. Hi, Reb. Hello, Great Assembly. Thank you so much for being here today, Reb. Really nice to see you. You're so welcome. Thank you for joining us. I had a question before this. I didn't even know what you were talking about today. I wrote it in my book, and I said, Reb, could you talk about mindful self-compassion?
[69:04]
Because I didn't know when it comes to the point where your ego takes over versus when it's very confusing. How it came up was that, like this other person, there was a betrayal that went on. Can I say something? Yes. So part of the confusion, of karmic consciousness, where there might be a wish to practice self-compassion, part of the confusion occurs around the self's role in that compassion. Okay. There's commonly an idea that the self is doing the compassion towards the self. And that's confusion. Yeah. Yeah. But it's not the self that's doing the compassion towards the self. But when you start to allow or invite self-compassion into the karmic consciousness, it comes into a realm of confusion.
[70:08]
And one of the confusions is that the ego is doing the compassion to the self. That's part of the confusion that should be treated with compassion. But it isn't the ego that's doing the compassion towards the ego or towards the self. It's a delusion. That's a delusion. And that delusion also... is calling for compassion. But that's an example of the confusion of karmic consciousness, that when the idea of self-compassion, which is a good one, arises, then it seems to be confused about who's doing the self-compassion, rather than the self-compassion, is the self-compassion, not somebody's doing it. Okay. That really helps. Even though it's confusing, it helps. It's confusing, but... Study the confusion and clarity will come. Okay. That's where I got confused because this person, it's happened a lot with her doing this kind of thing. And one of the times was when the time change happened and I went to go see a doctor and the doctor was never told I was coming in early.
[71:15]
I was supposed to be at her place and I was supposed to be giving her something. And when the doctor came in, he said, oh, I have to see this other person. I said, no problem. Can I deliver this thing? And then I'll come back. And so that was fine. And then when I went to go see her, she said, I already sent you a text. I didn't want you to come, which happens 99% of the time. So are you aware that you're telling us about karmic consciousness right now? Yes, 100% aware of it. That's why I... This is a good example of karmic consciousness. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. So I said to myself, well, I mean, after I had a chance, I went back to the doctor and I had a chance to kind of calm down and I thought to myself, what she's asking each time is met the same way. Great. Better way for this to...
[72:16]
to happen so that we don't get to this confusion where I need to bring this thing that I cannot eat because I'm allergic to it. So I was getting it just for her, and I thought, I'll just leave that out. She hasn't returned any of my messages, even though I've reached out and I said, I'd like to know what happened. This is what happened with me, but I have to learn with that loss. That may be a loss, but that's part of the craziness, consciousness. You said part of the craziness. You could also say it's part of the consciousness. Yeah. It's the same thing. This is karmic consciousness, which could be called crazy. You're right. Exactly. Thank you. That really helped. Thank you so much. You're welcome. Okay. Our next offering is from Josh. Thank you. Hello, Red. Hello, Josh.
[73:17]
I'm just sitting for a moment with going back to where I was when I raised my hand after listening to the people in between. And also something about the word offering that... So I don't know what I'm thinking when I raise my hand, whether I'm thinking I've got an offering, but hearing the word offering, what it makes me want to say, it wants me to express... my appreciation for all the people that have been talking just before me and the evidence of them studying their minds and how wonderful that is to hear. It's really supportive to me to hear that other people are working at that. And yeah, there's another aspect of practice that's important to me, as well as this study in karmic consciousness, And I guess what made me raise my hand is wanting to hear what you have to say about how these things fit together.
[74:19]
And what came up for me when I raised my hand was a Zen story that I really liked. It's been playing on my mind a lot recently. And it's the one where at the end, the monk is raising his brush and he says, which moon is this? And so going back in the story, his fellow monk says, oh, I see you're very busy. And he says, you should know there's one who isn't busy. So one of the instructions that I've had from another teacher is to attend to that, to studying the one who isn't busy, you could say, to studying, well, you could say studying the true Dharma, I suppose, to seeing the true Dharma. So there's a practice of attending to the fact that there's one who, that there's an aspect of consciousness here that isn't karmic consciousness. And how does that fit together with two things that you spoke of? You spoke of one, attending the karmic consciousness, and you also spoke of attending to this wish that's present in karmic consciousness to wake up. So I'm seeing those three things there, and I hope I've expressed that clearly, and I'm wondering how you see them relating to each other.
[75:26]
How I relate the busy one to the unbusy one? Or are you talking about how to relate studying the busy one to the wish. So, which do you want me to comment on? I suppose I'm most interested in the first of what you said, in the one who's not busy, like the two moons. There's not really two moons. No, there are two moons, but they're not separate. They're pivoting on each other. So you could say busy one or not busy one. You could also say karmic consciousness and awakening. Or you could say delusion and awakening. Awakening isn't really doing anything. And awakening even is the understanding that nothing's really being done. But the understanding that nothing's really being done is pivoting with the mind that's doing things.
[76:35]
The deluded mind of doing things. They're pivoting. They live together. And so the first monk observing the second, or one monk observing the other says, you're too busy. And the one that's being accused of being busy says, you should know that there's one who's not busy. And then the monk who accused says, are there two moons? Is there a busy one and a not busy one? And the one who is accused of busyness raises his broom and says, which moon is this? Is this awakening or is this confusion? Which is it? But they're not two because awakening is understanding the busyness. And the monk who
[77:40]
was accused of being busy and sweeping or thinking, he didn't say that you should be the one who's not thinking. He didn't say, I shouldn't be the one who's busy. I should be the one who's not busy. He just says, know that there's one who's not busy. And if by any chance someone came and said to him, you're not busy, he probably should say, you should know there's one who's busy. And the way you... But when we have the busy one, we have to take care of the busy one. If we don't take care of the busy one, we'll forget that there's one who's not busy. Or we won't realize that. So we take care of the busy thinking one, the karmic consciousness. But all in the while that there's a karmic consciousness, there's also... an understanding of karmic consciousness, which is called Buddha.
[78:45]
And Buddha's not busy. Buddha is just understanding busyness. So I'm getting an interpretation coming up from me, from what you said, which is not what you said, but it's my interpretation that's coming up, which is about almost there's two ways or two views. of studying karmic consciousness. There's kind of karmic consciousness studying itself, and there's kind of Buddha mind looking at karmic consciousness. It's not really karmic consciousness studying itself. The study is actually not karmic consciousness. So there can be an awareness of karmic consciousness which is not the karma. So when we say... study karmic consciousness. The actual study of that is not the karmic consciousness. It's just an awareness of it. And when that awareness becomes profound, it's called, we call it awakening.
[79:51]
So, the realization of the thing is inseparable from the thing, but it's not the thing looking at itself. It's realization looking at delusion. So it seems to me in my inner experience, there's a distinction between when I'm looking at confusion whilst caught in it and when I'm aware of confusion and also aware of the awareness that's aware of confusion. There can be that. So you can be aware of confusion and that might be enough most of the time. You could also, and then sometimes people, as you've seen, report to me that they're aware of their confusion. They report the confusion. They report their wish to gain something. This shows that there's awareness of that. And then I point out that I'm aware that they're aware. And I tell them, and then they're aware that they were aware. So there can be all that. But you also can just be aware of what's going on and watch how the awareness is working with it.
[80:59]
Is it a compassionate awareness? Great. So what's going on is... kind and curious. But you don't even need to know that it's kind and curious. But you can also be, then you can turn around and look, oh, this awareness is kind and curious. Oh, nice. But then there's looking at that. So it's very complex and understanding all of this is called Buddha. And we're doing this study. This is the study that is Buddha when it's fulfilled, when it's complete. Thank you. That perfectly answers my inquiry and gives rise to a million more questions. Our next offering is from Susan Powell.
[82:05]
Hello, thank you so much for everything you're teaching us today. I do have back to that original question of the desire to save all beings. That's been strong in me for as long as I can remember. The two resistances that come up most for me are one is it's not safe to go outside the bounds of what is sort of everyday. And the other has to do with the question of not being good enough. And I wonder if you could share some insights on any of that. Thank you so much. Well, would you stay here? Could you stay here? I'm here. I'd like to look at you while I talk to you. So you had this thought that it's not safe to go outside of the ordinary. Is that what you said? Yeah. Yeah. I'm not saying it's safe to go outside the ordinary. And I'm not saying it's not. Okay? But I also don't say that the ordinary is safe.
[83:18]
So I'm not saying the ordinary is safe, and I'm not saying the ordinary is not safe. Okay. What's not safe is not to be aware and kind to the ordinary. That's not safe. And if the not ordinary comes, then... the safe thing to do, the good thing to do, is to study the not ordinary. But I'm not saying the not ordinary is safe. I'm not saying that. But also, I don't say the ordinary is safe. If we're not careful and kind to the ordinary, then that's not safe. It's not so much that the ordinary is not safe, it's not being kind to it is not safe. The problems we have is when we're not kind to the ordinary, and also when we're not kind to the not ordinary. That's where our problems come from, from a lack of kindness and a lack of then, after being kind to the ordinary, then from then being kind to the ordinary, to wonder about it, to question it.
[84:27]
That's the path to peace and freedom. And what's your second point? Oh, the other point is the not good enough. Yeah. Not good enough is another one of those things which appear in many people's karmic consciousness. Not good enough. Is it good enough? Those are things which appear, especially in minds that want to do good. If there's a deep wish to do good and the best thing, the most good thing, is to free beings from suffering. That's what some people feel is the ultimate good. is to free beings from suffering. So that's good. So then, if that's good, then am I doing enough good? That question might arise. It's a normal question to arise. Like, I'm paying attention to the suffering, but is my attention good enough? That's a normal thing. But when that question arises, that's another thing to practice compassion towards.
[85:31]
I've heard people... A thousand times I've heard people say, is it good enough? I feel like it's not good enough. That question naturally comes up for people who are trying to practice good. When that question arises, or when the statement, it's not good enough, arises, if that question is dealt with compassionately, I'm not saying it makes it good enough. I'm saying that compassion towards the statement this is not good enough. That compassion is the practice. We start by being compassionate towards the statement, this is not good enough. To be compassionate towards the question, is this good enough? Those should be dealt with with compassion. Then they won't be karmic hindrances and we can awaken to them. Awaken with them. You can awaken with the question, is this good enough?
[86:35]
There can be awakening with the statement, this is not good enough. And you can also be awakened to the statement, this is good enough. That should also get compassion and be examined. Does that make sense? Very much so. Thank you very much. Very welcome. Our next offering is from Jana. Hello, Red. Hello, Jana. And hello, Great Assembly. I feel like I have something arising after your conversation with Josh. A bit kind of like a continuation. Some confusion. And I would like to try to put some words to it and see where I end up.
[87:40]
Okay. So at the present, there's a lot of time in my life. And so in the afternoons, I sit in my kitchen and I notice that quite often I remember this... little story where we're studying the third turning of the wheel in my study group. And I remember this story where Suzuki Roshi said to somebody that, don't you ever say that you are doing sasen or that you are practicing meditation. And also, I think in the same chapter, there's something about receiving life instead of doing or being in life or kind of in a maybe more as the self sort of driving it. And I've noticed that quite often this comes and it seems like there's a change sort of in the intention, in the practice.
[88:47]
I think I have something I'd like to say before you finish, if I may. Yes. So the way I understand Suzuki Roshi saying, Don't say, I do compassion. Don't say, I do zazen. The way I understand that is, if you have this thought in your mind, like, I do zazen, don't say that. Look at that thought and see how silly that is. If you look, I have this thought, I do zazen. Zazen is not something that's small enough for me to do. Zazen is done by me together with everyone. So I think the way I understand it today is, don't say that. Examine that thought before you express it. But that person said to him out loud, I do Zazen. And Sukurashi said, don't say I do Zazen. I think he said, don't say you do Zazen.
[89:51]
But I think he meant, don't say I do Zazen. I practice Zazen. Zazen is not something done by the self. It's done together with all beings. I agree. I'm saying today, please examine that thought. I do Zazen. Yes. And what I wanted to come to was that if those days where it seems like I can settle into somehow receiving practice rather than there is Janna that has an intention to do practice, there's a big flip and there's a big change in it. And there's a settling down in the practice where there is a big change. And it almost feels like it's like a completely, yeah, it's kind of from a, something different happens. And quite often there is, at the present, there seems to be like,
[90:58]
a settling in where I end up kind of being or hanging in there and there's a quieting down and there is a process taking place that I can't grasp or there is just something but the thing that my question was is that at the moment I feel like you were speaking in one actually I asked you this question a long time ago, how we do things in the conscious mind and that transforms the subconscious. But somehow it feels like when this receiving or the practice is taking place, there is a transformation taking place straight away. But I don't often know or understand what it is. But maybe the next day I will realize that there is some insights or there is some understanding that has come from it, maybe from that practice or being able to receive the practice.
[92:09]
And the question I had was that I feel like a lot of words and constructs that I've had in my life Mind are... It's like I don't understand what they mean anymore, like subconscious or conscious, but still there seems like... I don't know how to say this. There seems like there's a big curiosity about... that place that arises. There is like a curiosity and I kind of, I want to do practice because I'm really curious about this that's taking place. And it also seems that the wish that you were speaking about, about wanting to do the practice
[93:19]
for others or for sharing it with others somehow arises in that place. And that maybe makes me want to do practice more. But my... Yeah, maybe I don't have a question at all. I can just continue like... Very good. Very good, great curiosity. Our next offering is from Daisy. Hi. Hi.
[94:20]
My offering is... I feel really privileged to hear your teachings and to listen to other people share. And so I feel a lot of gratitude and I also feel like I'm experiencing a lot of synchronicity around... different issues from mental health to disappointment and reconciliation and I can really identify with so much of what has been said and something that I experience in my practice is something about observing and Being aware of the one that's bearing witness, however difficult and distressing or joyful an experience may be, I'm aware of this one that bears witness to that.
[95:37]
At the same time, I spend a lot of time by myself in silence and I'm still finding after many years that I have a tendency to spiral into catastrophizing and really becoming encompassed by that. And I think I think I would like may I ask you for some encouragement to not lose hope when that happens again and again. Yeah. So I heard you say that catastrophizing has been observed. Catastrophizing has been witnessed. And I also heard you say something about the thought, how can...
[96:46]
I not lose hope. I would suggest that the same witnessing of catastrophizing, did I say wish? The same witnessing of catastrophizing be given to the wish to not lose hope. I'm not saying get rid of the wish to not lose hope or Get rid of the wish to have hope. If there's a wish to have hope, I would encourage witnessing that wish to have hope the same way that I witness catastrophizing. Catastrophizing is a common event in karmic consciousness. A wish to have hope. is a common event in karmic consciousness. I'm recommending bearing witness to those two and everything else.
[97:52]
Bearing witness to the wish to have hope, bearing witness to the wish to not lose hope. That's what I'm recommending. Because the wish to have hope... or the feeling of lost hope may arise. Despair is another word for losing hope. I'm not trying to get rid of despair. I'm not trying to get rid of hope. I'm trying to encourage and remember, compassionately witnessing despair, compassionately witnessing hope. compassionately witnessing, catastrophizing. That witnessing then can lead to an observation and more witnessing and more witnessing and then finally wisdom of understanding catastrophizing and understanding despair and understanding hope.
[99:07]
That's really, that feels really nurturing. Thank you. Yeah, I agree. It's nurturing. Thank you. You're welcome. Our next offering is from Oscar. Thank you, Rev. I feel like I'm repeating a story that I've... Sorry. I feel like that was a word from another document. So I also appreciate all of the witnessing I've heard in the last couple of hours.
[100:22]
I recently had an experience with karmic consciousness. It was... On this particular occasion, I was in bed about 3.30 this morning. I would have preferred to have been asleep, but I was engaging with karmic consciousness. And... trying to study it, and my observation was that the karmic consciousness appropriated the study process. This has ended up in kind of circular, circular process. So at some point, and this karmic consciousness involved also some ill feeling towards another being, sentient being, and I was aware of that and didn't wish to perpetuate that, but it was there.
[101:34]
So at some point, I gave up that mode of study. which was karmic, and let myself, I'll say, so to speak, engage with the felt sense of what was going on without any ideas about it. And the felt sense was to put it into words which don't really work. But there was an impression of a very large, massy, dark presence. Kind of like a mountain. A dark mountain. And I just relaxed into that for a while and I fell back asleep.
[102:42]
And they woke up with some useful thoughts about the situation, I think. So I just report that, and my question is, you know, do you recommend, of course I'll try that, you know, doing that. Do you have any thoughts on that? and I I'll lend by saying at one point you gave me some excellent advice which is don't come to conclusions which I perpetually try to do so I asked the question also in that frame thank you very much for your teachings for So not come to conclusions means continue to study.
[103:45]
Right? Yes. Yeah, so I encourage you to continue to study these karmic consciousnesses that are given to us. Thank you very much. Well, our next offering is from Leslie. Hi, everyone. Mostly I have an offering just to thank you today. I was quite moved by everybody and also very thankful. Attended your Tuesday talk. And I have a confession. I was so confused. I fell asleep.
[104:45]
And then I vowed today. Just stay awake. Be awake. It's easier in the morning. And I'm so grateful. Because I heard everything. And it means a lot. And then I especially wanted to thank Allison. About this. Looking at betrayal. I just had a moment this morning. I have fabulous tenants. And then they keep putting plastic in the compost. And when they moved in, I said, just please don't put plastic in the compost. And then I keep finding it. And then I was going to make a story out of it and tell friends and decide that this one tenant is a bad guy. He puts plastic in compost. And I just thought, oh, my God. Just stop. Like... Just say, all right, let's figure something out. Because whatever we've talked about hasn't worked. And it was kind of similar to what Allison was saying. Just thank you.
[106:04]
Thank you. Our next offering is from Maggie. Hello, Rob. Hello, Maggie. Nice to see you and very grateful to hear your teaching today. So to share and also to ask my questions about my practice, to put it in the context you have mentioned today, It is the teaching, Buddha's teaching, that is studying the karmic consciousness. There are many teachings, of course. So with me these days, it is the teaching of dependent co-arising that is studying the karmic consciousness.
[107:08]
Also in the same context that Jana has mentioned, I'm part of the study group of the Third Turning of the Wheel. Also, going back to the context that Shiro Suzuki said, don't say that you are doing Zazen. And later on, I remember you also had a comment that we are not doing, nobody is doing Zazen. Buddhism meditation, but everybody is receiving that, receiving Zazen, receiving meditation. This is for me very inspiring, because it looks like it's from another perspective of the universe.
[108:10]
looking back on the people or individual where we were saying I am dependent on everybody else. And everybody else is dependent on us. So this is around, this is taking a center of human being, the perspective of human, but If I look at it from the perspective of the universe, also at a certain point in the book you mentioned, the whole universe is... So meditation is a gift from the universe. The universe is giving us this gift or Buddha is giving us this gift. Instead of we doing it, we are receiving this gift.
[109:11]
This is a very helpful teaching for me in a way that in my life, there are from time to time, I have difficult moments with my family relationship. when my mother asks me something and I know that I'm going to say no to her, it's always an intensive moment. Every time I, it's a big, how to say, it is a big job for me to prepare myself to be able to respond to my mother. So this preparation process is my big practice right now. And from even yesterday and today, then I was thinking about this teaching.
[110:28]
I tried to bring this teaching to my preparation process. I could feel that my whole body was tensed up Every time, yeah. Every time when this happens, that I need to respond with a no. Then today I was contemplating this job of saying no. Probably it's a gift from the universe that I received this gift. Just need to present it. And the tensed up is probably from the imputation of self. There is an I. There are so many worries around this I. How could I respond? Can I stay friendly? Can I stay present with a loving kindness?
[111:30]
Although I have to say, no, I'm not sure. I don't have confidence for myself to stay. compassionate in that difficult conversation. That's all makes my body and my mind all tensed up and not relaxed. But when I try to contemplate, yes, this saying no is a gift. There is a relaxation suddenly, not fully yet. The tension is still there, but There are some relaxation. So this is in the context of the three characters of phenomenon that you wrote in the book. Yeah, and you're also, you're describing witnessing your karmic consciousness.
[112:33]
You've told us about various patterns of karmic consciousness. And I think you are studying it. You're witnessing it. You're noticing how attachment to your ideas of what to say and what to do create tension. You're observing this. Good. Yep. But I know next time there's always going to be this tension. You just said, I know next time there's going to be this tension. That's another pattern of karmic consciousness that you can study. What's the pattern? I know there's going to be this tension. That's not true. That's a delusion. That's arising in your consciousness now. It's a story.
[113:36]
And the study is to be compassionate towards that thought. I know there's going to be tension in the next time I talk. And you are aware of it, but I don't know if you're being compassionate, if you're letting compassion come to that thought. The thought, what's the thought? I know I'm going to be tense again in the next conversation. That's not true. That's a delusion in karmic consciousness. Is there compassion for it? I pray that there will be. I forgot. I just noticed. I forgot. That's why the thought, the delusion, the very thought that I'm going to have tension next time, just at the thought, I had tensed up again because there's a lack of compassion. And I don't know what's going to happen next time you talk to her. But right now, when you're telling me what's going to happen, if there's compassion for it now, there might be compassion for it when it comes up in the next conversation.
[114:42]
And then when there's compassion, there can be curiosity and study and relaxation. Yeah, yeah. And you caught it. That's great. You noticed it. And I pray that you notice it again and again. Please accept my prayer. Maybe one more thing. So this idea or this teaching that everything is a gift from the universe, including the pain, including saying no. Is it really so? I... I have faith in this teacher, but I also have doubt. The question is another gift. Is it really so? That's another gift. And if you would think that's not so, that would be another gift.
[115:48]
And if you think, oh, that really is so, that's another gift. So the gifts are not to be like believed as reality. They're gifts to study. Everything is a gift to study. Everything is a gift for your compassion. Or not even your compassion. Everything is a gift which is an opportunity for compassion. Including the thought, this is not a gift. That's another gift. I wonder if this is a gift. That's another gift. Everything. is being given to us for compassion. Everything is calling to us for compassion. Including, I don't believe that. That's another gift. Including, you're crazy old man. Thank you.
[116:52]
You're welcome. Thank you for your karmic consciousness. I think we're a little bit over time now. Thank you, everybody, for your presence and your questions. May our intention to liberate all beings equally extend to every being and place with the true merit of Buddha's way. Beings are numberless. We vow to serve them. Afflictions are inexhaustible. We vow to meet them with compassion. Dharma gates are boundless. We vow to enter them. Buddha way is unsurpassable. We vow to become the unsurpassable. Thank you so much.
[118:00]
Keep studying everybody.
[118:02]
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