I sense that there's something, and I think it has a round shape. It's inside my body, but it's too big for my body. It's not fabricated, but it wants to talk. It wants to tell a complete story.

[01:09]

It says that in order to tell the complete story, it must be done so gently. Because the complete story goes farther than our bodies can stand. at the beginning of perhaps Buddhism's most difficult to accept sutra, the sutra about wisdom going even beyond wisdom, we are encouraged to call forth as much as we can of love, of respect and of faith, to remove the obstacles, defilements, to clear away all of our taints, and to listen to the perfect wisdom gone beyond wisdom of the gentle Buddhas.

[02:37]

taught for the benefit of the world and intended for heroic spirits. T. S. Eliot was very interested And he found his mind moved by fancies that curled around the following images. The image of some infinitely gentle and infinitely suffering thing. Fa Yun came to Ditsong.

[04:17]

Dharma Eyes came to his teacher, Earth Womb, and said he was going off on pilgrimage. Earth Womb asked him, what is the purpose of going on pilgrimage? Dharma Eyes said, I don't know. Earth womb said, not knowing is most intimate. Not knowing is most kind. What is drawing you along the path What is attracting you to the most gentle, infinitely gentle and infinitely suffering being?

[05:32]

Not knowing is most kind to this spirit that draws us along, and it is most intimate with it. not turning away from it, not touching it, staying so close, and yet not identifying with it. In every practice we do along this path, everything we use to pull ourselves along this path. It's good to respect, to not be so sure what the practice of counting is, what the practice of following is, what it is for the mind to be stopped, what is contemplation, what is return and what is purity.

[06:51]

to look again, to stay close, to be kind and gentle with each practice, to be completely thorough and to go into every nook and cranny of the practice. Gentleness is in the long run more sustaining. and more thorough. I mentioned to you, I think, the first day, that this, the expression when Dich Lung says that not knowing is most intimate, that that compound that he used when he spoke could be read as intimate or kind, and it was made of two words,

[07:59]

One word, the first word, shin, means intimate, like the intimacy between parent and child. And the next character I said means to cut. And so I said you could maybe read it as intimate cut, or close cut. not knowing is a close cut to the Buddha way. But then I remembered another case, another story where a Zen teacher spoke of being close. And that case is also in the book of Serenity. It's the 98th case. And a monk asked our ancestor, Dungsan, among the three bodies of Buddha, which one doesn't fall into, I'm happy to say, counting?

[09:21]

Which one doesn't fall into a category? Dungsan said, I'm always close to this. So I looked up this morning the character to see if the word that he used for close was the same character that Ditsang used. And I was surprised to find that the character he used was this character which means to cut or to slice or to mince. So I thought, oh, maybe this character doesn't just mean to cut, maybe it also means close by itself. So I looked it up, and sure enough, it not only means to cut, it means to be intimate and related. I should have known better. Because where we cut is where we meet. So the compound of intimate with this cut is also intimate with intimate.

[10:31]

But the second character of cut by itself also means intimate. To cleave. Cleavage is the place where the breasts separate, but it's also the place where they meet. I'm inquiring with you, I hope with you, I hope you're coming along, into this place where things completely become themselves, and in becoming completely themselves, they transcend themselves. This place. And this place also, of course, in being completely itself, transcends itself, so it's no place, there's no place. When things completely become themselves and transcend themselves, they don't abide anywhere.

[11:37]

However, this strange place where nothing abides and everything completes itself and goes beyond itself, this is the place where infinite compassion is born. This is where the non-abiding Buddhas sit. This is the place where life can be infinitely gentle and infinitely suffering. A gentleness which transcends itself, a suffering which is so complete that it transcends itself, And in the process of approaching this place and hearing stories about this place, considerable frustration may arise.

[12:58]

There may be lots of pain. As you approach the center of all pain, you might have to go through some. But these Buddhas who are infinitely suffering are also infinitely cool, infinitely imperturbable, because they're so gentle about this suffering. So I've heard many stories about your attempts, your efforts in becoming intimate, becoming kind with your breathing, with your bodies. I love to hear these stories, even though I've heard them many times.

[14:05]

It's always nice to hear a fresh chirp of fresh song or practice, even though it sounds like frustration or hindrance. So in doing these practices which lead us to this place, gentleness is really helpful. And in clearing away these obstructions and removing these taints, repentance is really helpful. And repentance should be done gently. And the ultimate repentance is to sit upright and observe the true marks of things.

[15:16]

to sit upright and observe the true marks of things is gentleness and intimacy. And when people hear to sit upright and observe the true marks of things, they might often think that means, oh, well, I should find some things and then look at the true marks of those things and not look at the false marks. But the true marks are not something that is there when the false marks are not there. The true marks of existence arrive before the false marks leave. So of course it means that the ultimate repentance is to sit upright and observe what's happening

[16:23]

Because what's happening, if it's false, the truth arrives in that falseness. Because truth is about falseness. Truth is that falseness is falseness. And in falseness being falseness, guess what happens to it? In falseness, thoroughly and gently becoming completely false, that's completely true. What you think is true is of course false. What you think is false is true. But this is not something you should force down your throat. or squeeze into your ear. It's something you should gently study.

[17:32]

Why do these words come into your life? How did you get into position to hear such a thing? study the nearest and farthest reaches of causes and conditions such that you came to be hearing such talk. A monk asked the national teacher, Dezong, what is the mind of the ancient Buddhas? the national teacher said, walls, tiles, and pebbles. You know, in China, they have these walls around the monasteries and around the houses. And on the top of the walls, they have little tiles so that the rain runs off.

[18:43]

And of course, after a certain amount of time, those tiles rot and deteriorate and fall down and turn into pebbles. So the teacher probably looked out the window or looked past the monk into the courtyard and saw this tile and saw the ancient Buddha's mind there. As you may have guessed already, when ancient Buddhas look at things, they see the ancient Buddha's mind. And they hear the ancient Buddha's teaching coming from what they see. What they see is saying, ancient Buddha's mind talking to you. And then, so the monk said, well, if it's ancient Buddha's mind, do the walls, tiles and pebbles... expound the Dharma, and the national teacher said, I was going to give you that exact brand of cough drops.

[19:51]

I recommend them. Just go ahead. See, I have it right here. Same brand, see? I was going to give it to you, but I couldn't reach you across your Zabata when I walked out last night. Suck away. So anyway, he says, well, do those walls, tiles, and pebbles expound the Dharma if they're the mind of ancient Buddha? Because you know ancient Buddha's mind expounds Dharma. You know that, right? That's what it does. It talks. And the ancient Buddha's mind inhabits all of us. And it wants to talk through your mouth and through your body. Do you feel the pressure?

[20:52]

Keep practicing and the pressure will mount. And eventually you will croak. Chirp, squeal, roar, yodel. So anyway, the monk says, do these walls, tiles, and pebbles expound the Buddha Dharma? And the national teacher said, yes, they do, incessantly and incandescently. And then the monk said, well, why don't I hear it? And the national teacher said, although you may not hear it, please do not hinder that which hears it. The story goes on. But I just want to say that the thing about not hindering the thing that hears it, you know how you can not hinder what hears it?

[22:07]

How? What's hindering hearing it? What hinders hearing the walls expounding the Dharma? Go ahead, say it. It's a stock term I'm looking for. Anyway, karmic hindrances are hindering it. Hindrances hinder it. Defilements hinder it. And how do you become free of these hindrances? By repentance. These hindrances are the root of transgression. If you don't hear the Dharma when you see a wall, if you don't hear a Dharma when you see a cash register, if you don't hear a Dharma when you see a face of a demon, when you don't hear the Dharma when you meet every situation, You don't know what to do.

[23:09]

Not hearing the Dharma is the root of transgression. And the hindrances which block our ears from hearing the truth can be removed by repentance. And the ultimate repentance is to sit upright and look at what's happening. And study the false until it turns into the true. And study the true until it turns into not true. Then you won't hinder what hears it anymore. And neither will I. Thanks to you. So please get to work. Dogen Zenji, commenting on this story of walls, the teacher saying that the mind of the ancient Buddhas are walls, tiles and pebbles, says, this being so, now that you've heard this, you should know that the mind of the ancient Buddhas is not walls, tiles and pebbles.

[24:30]

That's what you thought before you even heard this story, right? So you should know that you were right before you heard anything about Zen. And don't let these people fool you. And also don't forget that... What else? And that walls, tiles, and pebbles are not called the ancient Buddha's mind. This is the way you should study the ancient Buddha's mind. This is called being gentle. Now, when you hear the instruction, it may sound sort of shocking, but anyway, gentleness may be shocking. But it's not always. And I heard two people, two men, came and talked to me. Sometimes when I tell stories about people, I switch the gender so the identity of the person will be protected.

[25:39]

In this case, I'm going to tell you that these were two men, and I mean men. They were real men. Prior to being converted into wooden men, they were real men, and one of them came and told me that What he did in following his breath was he cradled his breath. He cradled his breath and rocked his breath like in a rocking chair. And he found that to really be a good way to work with his breath, cradling it. And then another man came and told me that he had been working on his posture, trying to pull his left shoulder down, which has a tendency to go up and hang around his ear. So he's been trying to relax it for some time, down to a more appropriate altitude, and being quite successful in this attempt.

[26:47]

But then he recently, a couple nights ago, decided to try a different approach. And he decided to cradle, he said, I believe, to cradle his shoulder and rock it. He said he was rocking it like his grandmother used to rock him in her rocking chair. And that was quite helpful to his posture. And then after Zazen that night, he heard that his grandmother died that night in a very peaceful way, in a rocking way, which is proof that when you, through gentleness and kindness, Thoroughly study one thing.

[27:52]

All things are studied. Now, this is all just a warm-up to the talk which you're afraid I'm going to give on the subtle method of contemplation. And I wanted to stop early, but I'm in trouble because it's already late. So I'm stopping now. And from this stopping, I would like to discuss the subtle method of contemplation, the fourth of the six subtle methods. So again, I leave it to you to be gentle and kind with your breath, to be gentle and intimate with your breath, so intimate with your breath that you use the relationship of the subject to the object as a mode of realizing that the mind is stopped.

[29:09]

Part of contemplation is to and realize that the mind is originally stopped. This you already realize before you start studying contemplation. The mind is originally stopped is that before the mind has any objects, it's completely undisturbed. But as soon as objects arise to the mind, the mind is disturbed. Just having an object disturbs the mind. Just having something separate from the mind disturbs it. But by focusing on that separation And settling with that separation, you realize that that separation is actually union. And in that realization, the mind is stopped. This is the centripetal, walking to the center of the issue, kind of focusing.

[30:16]

And at that point, where the mind focuses on the object, there is stopping. Just like at the point where the object meets the mind, there was disturbance. The quieting happens at the same point as the disturbance. Understanding what's disturbing you, you can be quiet. So my talk today is really headed towards the talk which I've been looking forward to, which I would call the boat talk, or boat and moon talk, or the talk about boats and moons. And I used three poems as a text for this talk.

[31:25]

This talk on contemplation. This talk on the contemplation of the relationship between yourself and others. So the first poem is Well, I guess the first poem is that couplet from Shakespeare. To give away yourself, keep yourself still. You must live drawn by your own sweet skill. The next poem is by Dogen. Windless, waveless, there in the midnight water, an abandoned boat drenched in moonlight.

[32:42]

windless, waveless, there in the midnight waters, an abandoned boat drenched in moonlight. As you may have anticipated, the realization of this abandoned boat comes from keeping yourself still. Keeping yourself still gives away yourself, abandons yourself. Not abandons, like kicks it out in the street, but lets it go, forgets it. keeping close to yourself, keeping yourself still, keeping yourself still in a gentle, intimate way.

[34:02]

At the limit, at the completion of being intimate and gentle and close and still with yourself, the self is forgotten, the self is abandoned. This abandoned boat is accomplished in that way. There is stillness and there is forgetting. The stillness is the windless and wavelessness. The waves that were there before have now subsided There's no wind of mind meeting the objects anymore. There's no wind of self blowing against the other anymore. Self and other have gone smooth and are sealed.

[35:11]

And the boat is forgotten in that smooth water. And then some light comes from some place. It's always been there. As I think, is it Fleetwood Mac says, there is no dark side of the moon? The light's always there. it's in the walls, the tiles, it's in your liver, it's in every hair follicle, it's in your heart, the light's always there, shining. When you simply keep yourself still, become intimate with yourself, you give yourself away and offer yourself as something to reflect

[36:24]

this light. And in that water, which is now smooth, the moon is very clear. Very clear. It's very clear. Self and other are not two. Body is not something all by itself. and so on. Everything is clear. So I accidentally now am on the verge of the next subtle method.

[38:27]

Here it comes, I can't stop it. And there's another poem about this. settling into now this mind water. Everything clear. Actually, I'm going to write a new poem now.

[39:33]

This old one I don't like. See how it goes. Settling into the mine waters. The clear moon. Anyway, here comes the wind. Here comes the wind.

[40:34]

And the wind moves the water. But instead of waves, we see bright light. What used to be waves is now millions of stars in the waves. Stars coming to us, reflected in the moon, onto the water, and back to our eyes. Now the disturbance, which used to be waves, is light. Now what used to be delusion and affliction and hindrance is radiance.

[41:49]

Now what used to be agitation and movement is light. Now, Scott Wren was supposed to remind me to talk about delusion, but he didn't. So I reminded myself. He said, what this thing about the Bodhisattva vows where they say something like, desires are inexhaustible, I vow to end them. Is that how it goes? Well, how does it go? Delusions used to be desires. Delusions are inexhaustible. I vow to end them. He says, what about this ending them stuff? Is there an end to the wind? And I said, well, yeah, there's a problem there. I said, I'll talk about it during a lecture tomorrow if you remind me. But I say, to make a long story short, that character which is translated as put an end to them actually literally says, cut.

[43:08]

It's not that bogus are infinite and there's no end to them. You never come to the end of them. Remember I told you about that? The fish swim in the water and they don't come to the end of these afflictions. No matter how far they swim, there's no end to the afflictions. But what there is, is they're swimming. And when these fish cut through the water, they cut through the water. They cut through life. And life is what they cut through. They're not stopped by the water. The water gives them life. For us, delusion is not something we come to an end to. It's something we cut through. How do you cut through it? By being a human being, by staying close, by being really intimate and kind with every manifestation that's called you and that's called other.

[44:19]

By completely becoming yourself, you cut through delusion. Because by completely becoming yourself, you're still, you're an abandoned boat, the moon shines in you, the wind moves, the delusions got created, but you understand these delusions are light. And then someone says, well, you said all this stuff is delusion. Actually, someone accused me of saying that, I think someone said that I said, delusion really exists. Someone said that to me. Did I say that? When I say this is all delusion, I don't mean that this all exists. I don't mean there's any such thing as delusion. You see, there really isn't, because delusion is actually light. There's no such thing as delusion.

[45:23]

If you reach for delusion, you think you can get delusion. But if you study delusion, you'll never find it. There's no end to it. There's no beginning of it. There's only a definition of it. And the definition of it is, whatever you reach for, whatever you practice, whatever you do, whatever you do, that's separate from you. That's what we mean by delusion. But there is nothing separate from you. Therefore, there is nothing but delusion. However, you can swim in this water of what you think is not you. And in fact, we will continue to swim in the water of not ourselves. We will continue to move in all this stuff out there That's not us. There's no end to that. However, there is liberation from it. By carefully, kindly moving through, by being thorough each step of the way, you become a forgotten self, the forgotten self in the still water.

[46:40]

You become illuminated, and then through that illumination you realize that this world of misery is actually the world of light. And then you can really go to work to help beings live in this world. Because you understand that this world cannot be grasped. Nothing can be grasped. And yet, there is the constant appearance of that grasping. And there is a constant appearance of these delusions which do not exist. Constantly offering themselves to our kindness. Constantly offering themselves for us to pick up in our arms and rock back and forth until we see that we've got light in our arms.

[47:51]

And the Buddha Dharma is being taught to us through our kindness and through its kindness. So I don't know what the best teaching is, whether the best teaching would be to say that this fall I was going to teach the six subtle Dharma gates and then go ahead and teach them and go like up through six and be, you know, kind of like complete the program.

[49:02]

I don't know if that's the best teaching or the best teaching would be to fail at that. It's hard to say. Failing is encouraging to people for some reason. But it's looking like we're going to get to six. Because we got to five today and there's three more days. And I'll tell you something. Six is really good news. I'll tell you beforehand. We already got to six. You guys are six. The way you are right now. as you may know how you are now. Do you know how you are now? Everybody know how you are now? Huh? Well, that's six. So we just finished. Now we can relax and enjoy that we have attained the Buddha way.

[50:02]

If you have any questions, we have three days to discuss it. And I will continue to speak for some reason unless you tell me you don't want me to. And if you don't want me to, I'd be happy to stop. Of course, it would be difficult for you to agree on that since you're not allowed to have meetings during Sashins. But if you rebel and call a meeting and decide to tell me to shut up, and somehow you can do that in a way that satisfies your process, then I will have been a success. Because in the end, as you said, in the end, the whole point of this is that people don't need you anymore. and they don't want you to talk anymore. And they're just all, you know, happily on their Buddha way. And then I can take my robes off and fix my rocking chair that I've been working on.

[51:06]

If anybody wants to see a rocking chair, it's in the general shop, covered with some clear plastic, opaque plastic. I've been working on it for a long time, about 20 years. Talking about myself, right? You like this? I'm getting more gentle with it. I've become impatient with it off and on. It was originally kind of like a small job, you know. I got this rocking chair. Well, we got this rocking chair, Risa and I, at the time of our daughter being born, for her to sit in and rock the baby. It's interesting how things work out, huh? But it wasn't the, you know...

[52:06]

it wasn't the right shape for her body, the mother's body. So the mother really never sat in the rocking chair and rocked the baby. Anyway, so I started looking at the rocking chair over the years and I decided that I was going to refinish it. But the more I touched it, the worse it got. The more I took off the old finish and more trouble I got into and more, it just got worse and worse. And this rocking chair has seen some rough days, let me tell you. It sat out in this rain and the glue melted and parts of it fell off. I put it in the shop and some person, some nice person, broke the back off. But gradually it's recovering. And, you know, if we're all kind enough, it'll someday be a nice rocking chair again, and you can all come and sit in it and cradle your breath.

[53:19]

Breast? Your breath? Is that pretty funny? Okay, so it is now. So I stopped a little earlier than yesterday. That's good.

[53:43]

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