Thank you. If I remember correctly, I began speaking on Monday about going down into the Green Dragon Cave.

[01:07]

And yesterday I spoke about The vow, may we exist in muddy water with purity like a lotus. I'm continuing this way. Today I would say, may we return to our true home. Or, I go for refuge in Buddha. I go for refuge in Buddha means I go into the mud where Buddha lives with all living beings.

[02:20]

and hope and intend that I might live there with the purity of Buddha. However, I realistically point out to myself and to you that getting to the site where the lotus is planted and where it germinates is like going down into a deep, dark place because we have to go through all kinds of resistance. Our true home is a place where everything's changing and where there is a permanent face that never changes.

[03:31]

But getting there requires courage and fearlessness. When we first start sitting Sashin, we may be relatively comfortable compared to what we get into after a day or two. And of course we want peace. So when we run into some of the things that have come up for us in Sashin, we want to get away from them. We want to bid them adieu. We think maybe there's some place that will be more peaceful than this. But that's not been my experience.

[04:44]

that if I just get down to it and stop resisting, stop looking for some cool, peaceful place where there's no pain, and just face what's coming up, that that's where I find my peace. And that's the path of courage and fearlessness. And that place is just simply the present. It's not really so special. It just happens to be now. But again, now is very temporary. It only lasts for a very short time. And then there's another one. And when you're in now, you can't prepare for the next one.

[05:47]

You can't control it. And in this situation, where we give up control and we surrender completely to what's happening, that's where peace is born. And that peace, nobody, nothing can scratch it. Nothing can reach it. Nothing can catch it. Nothing can chase it. Nothing can find it. And that's where Buddhas sit. So it's sweet to say, I take refuge in Buddha, but then it turns into a heroic drama to give up everything and just sit in the present. Now pretty much, as far as I can tell, by the level of carnage that I see here, most people are into it.

[06:53]

You know, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but some people who aren't in Seshene come in here and they can still sleep. But some of you, although you like to sleep, are having trouble because you're in pain. Sometimes at the end of Sashin, maybe it's because I'm dehydrated, but I don't know, but sometimes my eyes feel like there's a little bit of sand in them. And although I might like to close them, I can use, instead of closing them to be comfortable, I can use that sandy feeling to keep them open. And even though I'm kind of uncomfortable, I can just keep my eyes open and not go to sleep. I can choose being awake over being asleep because of that friendly little irritation, which instead of choosing to sleep it away, I choose it to accompany my awakened state. But usually, I make the decision the other way.

[08:00]

Anyway, we're in the middle of Sashin now, and it's possible that you can actually sit in the present for the next day or so you can actually go back to your true home and feel the solidity and strength of being in the middle of chaos where you're no longer running away from change and you can find real peace there. I told you I was having a little problem with my knee, and the problem I'm having with my knee is not just that it's pain, but that it's an unfamiliar kind of pain.

[09:09]

I've only had this pain for about six months. I haven't learned what it is yet. It's not regular pain coming from the deep part of the joint, which I often get. And I know that isn't a problem. I've seen certain kinds of pains I actually find are good for my knee, that my knee feels healthier after I sit that way than before. But this kind of pain is kind of like in the back of the knee. It feels like a little crumpled up area back there. And I don't know, you know. And a while ago it swelled up. So what I've been doing is, as I said, I've been putting, like I have a bowing mat, a bowing cloth now wrapped up inside my knee now. It makes more space in the joint. So that crumpled feeling is gone. And I more just have regular knee pain. In other words... When you enter into your experience, it doesn't mean that surrendering means that you just sort of fall backwards and go unconscious in a swoon.

[10:12]

In order to surrender, you have to have some strength, too. And you do have strength, so you've got to use your strength to surrender. Use your intelligence to figure out how to take care of your body. So each of you should take care of your body I hope you do. I don't want you to get hurt. The question is, are you completely surrendering yourself to take care of your body in the present? Or are you still looking, am I still looking for some less intense place? It's okay to be in a less intense place. It's just not okay to leave this one for that one. Simply, I'm talking about being wholehearted, being upright, gentle, honest and flexible.

[11:19]

I'm talking about being with your body and breath wholeheartedly. I'm talking about just being mindful of what's happening. but so completely mindful, so completely mindful that you're not even there being mindful anymore. That your mindfulness is so wholehearted that all that's going on is what's going on. Which includes you and me, but there's nobody outside who has an option on this situation. There's nobody outside looking at it. That person is completely surrendered into the situation and completely part of what's happening. That's actuality. I'm not asking you to surrender to somebody else.

[12:27]

I'm asking you to surrender to actuality, which includes you completely. I'm asking myself to give up everything except what's happening and just let that be the state of affairs. And what's happening is extremely intense. The mind is extremely confused. And pain Won't even sit still. You can't even depend on that. It goes away too. And then comes back. Just when you got used to it being gone. Or just when you got used to this form, it changes into another one. somebody when I was at Tassar gave me a new robe belt.

[13:40]

It's really cute. You know, want to see it? This is part of it. Looks like a snake. See it? Nice thick one. It's very comfortable. Anyway, I've been wearing it, this sashim, for the first time. And I've been and I've been pushing my obi down. So with the aid of this and my obi, I remember the place below my abdomen. Not below my abdomen, below my navel. I remember that place, and I'm putting some awareness down there. That part of my body doesn't mind being here. It's too stupid to think of any place else. So I don't want to get you into techniques, really.

[14:41]

But I do remind you that if you can really be present down there, it's very helpful. That part of you down there, when it's full and heavy, is not afraid of what's happening. It's not that things are dead down there. They're changing down there too. It's cooking down there. It's warm and cooking down there. But it doesn't think of being something else. You just go down there. You hang out down there. And have your mudra down there too. You'll be okay. There's breath down there. And in the present, the breath doesn't move. But the present changes. The present doesn't move. The present is unmoving, but it doesn't last.

[15:48]

And then there's another present. And there's another breath. And it's in the present that you get the actual experience of change. And the actual experience of change is where peace is born. But your breath and just part of your body called the hara. They are change. They are happy to be changing. Join them. They're your body and breath. They can carry you through and show you a way to be pure in the middle of whatever is happening. And this breath As I said last night, this breath is a thread that runs through everything. Not your breath or my breath, but the breath that everything's breathing also goes through here.

[16:57]

It goes through your whole body. Join this breath and you join with all beings. Join this breath and you'll find the way to respond appropriately according to circumstances. One time there was a guy, his name was Milton. He was a cripple and he had guts. And one time they took Milton to the, what's a politically correct word for nut house?

[18:00]

What? Psych unit. They took him to the psych unit. And in the psych unit, there was a guy who thought he was Jesus Christ. And he wouldn't relate to anybody if they wouldn't recognize who he was. I don't know what the regular employees and inmates of the psych unit, how they related to him. Maybe the employees said, hey, Jesus, or something, just to get his attention. I don't know if that was good enough for him or if they had to really believe for him to respond. But anyway, Milton went up to him and said, I understand you're a carpenter. And the man said, that's right.

[19:08]

And he said, would you please build me some bookshelves? And he said, okay. And he built the bookshelves. And not too long after that, he was released from the hospital. He was released from the psych unit. It may seem like a little thing. to be able to go up to him and say, not go up to him and say, I believe you're Jesus, which is not true. I don't think Milton did. But in another sense, maybe he did. I mean, maybe Jesus is in all of us. And maybe Milton could see that. But he was no more Jesus than most people, maybe. But anyway... I think Milton, even though he was a cripple, was upright. And I think Milton was flexible.

[20:09]

He didn't hold on to, hey, you're not Jesus. He could find a way to connect with this guy. Or if this guy was saying, I'm Jesus, Milton could hear that and say, well, then you're a carpenter, right? And if you're a carpenter, maybe you could make me some bookshelves. So Milton could give up where he was at and go over to where the other person was at. But even though he gave up where he was at, it isn't like he denied where he was at. He could still speak English. He was still a man. But he gave up being a man. And he gave up English, and he gave up his point of view. So he could say, I understand you're a carpenter.

[21:13]

If someone's far away, if someone says they're Napoleon or Jesus or Buddha, how can you relate to that? Well, just die. And there you will find a way to relate. And the place where you find a way to relate is called heaven, or your true home, or living in mud with purity like a lotus. When you live in the mud with purity like a lotus, you meet a crazy person, you can relate to them. You can say something to them so they feel respected. You can express your connection in a way that they can understand.

[22:23]

Because you're not holding on to your position of being a non-crazy person. And the reason why you can give up your position of being a non-crazy person is because you're joined to this person by breath. And because you gave up and surrendered your position to the breath, to change, to the mud. A famous linguist said one time, you know, if you look at the way language is built, it's not constructed primarily for communication. It's not really good for that. You can use it for that, but you can also use ping pong or, you know, odors or bananas.

[23:31]

There's lots of other ways to try to communicate. But if you study language, you see it's actually about all kinds of inconsistencies which make it difficult to use it as a communication device. But what language is good for, he said, it's good for getting people's attention, for getting them to look at something. That's what it's good for. What's good for communicating is dying. That's what's good for communicating. That also may get people's attention. Because when we die, we can see the other person, we can connect. So Milton died. He died of being a psychiatrist, of being the healthy person,

[24:36]

of being Jesus or not Jesus. And when he woke up in his new life, he met this person and he had something to say. And his mouth said, and his voice said, I understand you're a carpenter. We are separated. from all beings, by a sea of death. In order to connect with each other, we have to enter that death and swim across to connect with the other person. You don't have to do anything special to yourself to die, though. All you've got to do is live in the present, that sudden death. And it doesn't last. As soon as you die, you're born again, but with skillful hands.

[25:46]

Then when someone says something, you can respond appropriately. If you haven't died, your hands are full. full of holding on to yourself. So if they ask for something, even if you wanted to give it, you wouldn't be able to. First you have to say, just a second, and die, and then you'd be able to help them. And again, die just means to be completely mindful. That's all. It's not a violent thing. It's a surrender thing. It's a setting priorities thing. It's a priority for wisdom. It's saying, I want to join with what's happening. But that's just like dying. That means just giving up everything and plunging into what's happening.

[27:03]

Now, I'd like to know something. I'm not going to pick you off one by one at the pass. I would like to know, do you people have a problem with using your Orioki bowls quietly? Does anybody here have any resistance to that? I mean, please, I promise you at least a little bit of a promotion in the community if you sincerely don't want to and you admit it, I'll give you a dollar. I was lucky. Does anybody here actually not want to do that, not want to use the bowls quietly? yeah well I mean does anybody I actually would like it like there was one point during breakfast this morning when it was actually completely quiet there was no sound from you people it was quiet there was a time there and I said so but then I started hearing these noises again and I wondered I wondered if there's some if you actually don't want to do it

[28:45]

If you don't want to do it, I'd like you to tell me and just tell me so I can just stop wondering if you've forgotten. And just tell me that you're actually trying to resist that kind of like silent use of the bowls. And then I'll, maybe we'll have a discussion or I'll buy you off or bribe you or something. And maybe you can't be bribed. Maybe you really don't want to do that. But I'm doing this, I'm bringing this up just, you know, because I'd like to know. I'm not trying, actually, to get control. Yes? You'd like a wooden spoon. Hmm? Well, I'll give it to you if I can shave your head.

[29:53]

Okay? I'll trade if I can shave your head. How's that? But if somebody wants to give me their ceramic... I'm not going to give priest bowls to somebody who's not a priest, but I would be willing to. If somebody wants to give me a ceramic bowl, I'll start using a ceramic bowl. Okay? How's that? Huh? With a metal spoon. I'd be happy to do that. Would you give me one? Do you have any? Now, it is easier to be quiet with blacker bowl and wooden spoon. But, you know, I even hear some priests making noise with, not even with their spoons, but with their satsus. I can hear them whacking their satsus on the bowls. I can hear them tap, tap, tap. You know, they're hitting so hard and so fast that the sound, even with the padding of the cloth, I can still hear across the room some priests using their satsus. Of course, not during this session.

[31:01]

Of course, nobody in this room. But I have heard that. And I have mentioned that to some priests, to please don't whack, don't... Sometimes they're sitting right next to me even, and I mention that to them. And usually they've said, they've known. Usually it's that... In some cases, I even think that what the person is doing is that they're rushing to get through so they can go back and sit zazen. Because, I mean, I can see that in some cases they're not even, what, they're not even rushed, you know, to finish in time to get the water or whatever, but they seem to just want to get it over with so that they can just sit quietly. Now, the time that I think a lot of people have trouble with is sort of like towards the end of the cereal, you know, and you want to scrape the bowl clean. I would just suggest that since that's so difficult to do that quietly, why don't you just leave some of the cereal in the bowl and clean it up with your set suit?

[32:03]

You don't have to like dry clean it with your metal spoon because in fact it's very hard to get most even, not to mention all the cereal off the bowl Well, with these spoons and ceramic dishes, especially some of these ceramic dishes seem to have a little bit of grit on the surface, right? There's a slight kind of frictional surface there. So it's very difficult to clean it. But if you left just leaves a little bit of cereal there, you don't have to clean it completely. You can do some more with your Setsu, and then you can do more after you get the water. What's the point of this? Well, for me, the point is, I would like to know if anybody is not mindful in the room. Or if you're just actually, like, saying, well, I don't want to, I'm actually trying to make noise. This is my presentation to you. I'm trying to express I'm angry. I don't like this.

[33:06]

This is what I'm trying to say to you. But I would prefer that you just hit it real hard. Like, and have a signal that you do. Like, go, just go. Just do that if you're angry. Or just scream, you know? Or stomp out, you know? But this wimpy kind of like scraping the bullet, you know, forget it. Sometimes being a wimp is being yourself. you know what I meant by being a wimp was I meant if you're expressing anger what I meant was express it with some energy that's what I mean that's what I mean by being a wimp I mean if you have something to say say it okay don't sort of do it so we're not clear whether you're whether you're forgetting or whether you're trying to say I'm angry

[34:17]

If you're angry, that's not forgetting. That's an anger that you would like to let us know about, I guess, maybe. So you're using your bull as a way to express it. That's possible. But that's why I'm asking, is somebody trying to do that? Is that what's happening? I mean, basically, it's quite quiet. You're doing fine. But I'm wondering about that slight noise I hear there, and I'm wondering, what does that mean? I'm asking you, what does that mean? What are you trying to tell us? Are you trying to tell us that you're angry, or have you forgotten? Which is it? What? What do you mean, maybe nothing? I don't... You're doing something that doesn't mean anything? That's what you're saying? Yeah. Maybe the motor skills are weak.

[35:20]

Yeah? Well, if the motor skills are weak, then that's what it means. It means the motor skills are weak, doesn't it? Well, that's another possibility then, in addition to not... What? Well, you just put a third one out there, didn't you? Well, okay, so there's a third one. I thought that he was putting out there that he was shaking because of pain. Wasn't so much motor skills, but if you want to say it that. So that's a third one, okay, that he put out there, and you're putting out too. So I'm trying to be flexible here and think of other possibilities, okay? So I have three. One is motor skills. The other one is not paying attention, and the other one is resistance. Now, do you want to add accident to that? What's an accident? ... a gap between intention and achievement.

[36:51]

No. It doesn't. What does mindfulness mean? Well, I'm going to say mindfulness means what's happening. Okay, so you could say, well, if this noise is happening, then mindfulness is just that the noise is happening, right? So why can't that be mindfulness? Well, it was. This morning there was some noise. It was basically quiet, but I'm trying to close the gap in this session on that particular point by discussing this with you. And so there was mindfulness this morning. Whatever was happening at certain points, in fact, that was happening, and that is mindfulness. And in that mindfulness, I have a question which I asked you.

[37:55]

And I wondered, you know, is it resistance or is it forgetting? If it's forgetting, if it's mostly forgetting and a lack of motor skills, then it might make sense for me to keep asking you again and again. Okay? Okay. Even if it's a motor skill problem, then would it be all right if I kept asking you again and again to try to be quiet with the bowls? And if it's forgetting, then would it be all right for me to keep asking you again and again? But if it's resistance, then in some sense I don't want to ask, or I'd like to know that I'm asking someone who's resisting. Okay? Yes? Not necessarily that next part.

[39:01]

Mindfulness is, in one sense, mindfulness is, when you first start practicing mindfulness, usually it is awareness of what's happening. That's the way it usually starts. Awareness of what's happening. Awareness of what I'm doing. Okay? That's where people start practicing mindfulness usually. Awareness of my hands with the, you know, with the equipment. Awareness of my body. Awareness of my breath. Awareness of myself. This is a kind of self-conscious warm up to mindfulness. So mindfulness is, if in fact you are making a noise, mindfulness is to be hopefully aware of how it happened, how you made the noise, and also awareness of the noise.

[40:02]

Full mindfulness is not even that you are aware of how it happened and that there was a noise. Full mindfulness is just that there's you, and there's how it happened, and there's the noise. That is all one piece. That is the totality of what's happened. That is the present event in all its complexity. And it's one thing for one moment, and it is an unshakable Buddha mountain. Okay? You don't necessarily, as a result of that, decide to be quiet. You don't necessarily decide to yell. What follows from that is unpredictable. If there's a sound and there is pure mindfulness at that time, that is not exactly a quiet because there's a sound.

[41:14]

But when there's mindfulness, even when there's a sound, there is peace, there is stillness, and there is silence. Silence can exist simultaneously with sound if there's no duality. If there's duality, then when there's sound, there's not silence. When there's duality, when there's movement, there's no stillness. In duality, when there's stillness, there's no movement. But in the present, there can be both stillness and movement. There can be silence and sound. As a matter of fact, people often have realization when they understand that there's silence happening when they hear a bird sing, or they have realization when they hear the sound of a pebble hitting a bamboo, and they realize that it isn't so, that the world is free of the noise that's happening.

[42:30]

The world is free of this insanity. It is possible to be Buddha. In other words, to be a lotus in the midst of what's happening. No matter what's happening. So we have a little exercise here of trying to be quiet with the bowls. So I can talk to you about something. And so you can be aware of that. If we didn't have the exercise of being quiet with the bowls... I also thought this morning, you know, that, you know, I wondered what the etymology of dinner was, or dining room. Because, you know, if you spell, you know, if you spell dining room like dinner, it gets to be dinning room, right? And sometimes they speak, you know, in a dining room that there's a din, there was a din in the dining room. It means a kind of noise, right? There wasn't really a din here this morning. It was quiet. But in that quietness, I was wondering about our mind.

[43:38]

And that's what I'm wondering about now. I'm wondering about our mind. I'm wondering about the breath of this sashin. And in order to find this, I need, and I think we need, to be upright, to be here, to be listening to what's happening, to be hearing the sounds and seeing the sights and so on, and to be gentle with this, and to be flexible and to be honest. With the aid of such a way of being, I think we can live in the present.

[44:52]

It's possible. And I can ask questions, and you can ask questions. And we can find a skillful way of dealing with our pain. The word that's used in Buddhism for wholesome or skillful is kushala. And kushala comes from the word kusa, which is a kind of grass. It's like pompous grass. It has a sharp edge. And if you pick it up uncarefully, unskillfully, you can cut your hand on it. So the word skillful is made from kusa, kushala.

[45:53]

It means skillful. It means being able to handle dangerous things in such a way that you eventually become skillful. Pain is a dangerous thing. Pleasure is also dangerous. Neutral sensations are also dangerous. If you don't handle pain right, you can hurt yourself. They can cut yourself. If you run away from pain without being mindful, you can run into a wall, or you can hurt yourself or someone else. If you grit your teeth and shove yourself into pain without being gentle, you can hurt yourself. Grabbing pain can hurt you. Running away from pain can hurt you. Grabbing pleasure can hurt you. Running away from pleasure can hurt you. Grabbing neutral sensations and running away from them can hurt you.

[46:56]

What's a skillful way to deal with this pain? First of all, be honest about it. If there's pain, be honest. What kind of pain is it? Be honest. And don't be honest in general. Be honest specifically. Where is it? What variety is it? Does it have rhythm? Does it have a smell? Does it have a sound? Is it mostly tactile? Is it conceptual? What kind of pain is it? Be honest about it. Be gentle with it. Cradle it in your arms tenderly. Sit beside it. Get to know it. But also be upright about it. Since it's dangerous, you have to be vigilant and make sure you're not weaning one way or another with this pain.

[47:58]

And be flexible about it. Maybe there's another alternative. Maybe there's another way to deal with it you haven't thought of that will come to you in your uprightness. Maybe your gentleness will show you another way. How to be pure in the mud of greed, hate, and delusion. In the mud of positive, pleasant sensations, painful sensations, and neutral sensations.

[49:05]

How to be upright and pure in that situation. Purity also means there's no mark of purity. There's no way purity will always look Sometimes it looks like a mountain and doesn't move. Sometimes it's like a raging river and moves all over the place. Sometimes it's like the sky. Sometimes it's like a cloud. Sometimes it's like fire. So sometimes flexibility means you should be inflexible.

[50:19]

Where is the present of the mud? where is the simply what's happening of the mud. I'm sorry if I haven't been gentle enough this morning.

[52:28]

I think maybe at certain points I was, but now the looks on your face make me feel like I push too hard. I'm sorry if I push too hard. Thank you. Well, I said that because I really do think that being present is a great thing.

[53:46]

But if I become excited about it, it becomes a pitfall. And when I trip and I fall forward onto you, then it's too much. You feel pushed when I come tumbling in on you. I intended to come in here and work with, you know, where I think it's at. I intentionally came in here and brought up a ball of fire, but I don't want to force this fire on you, I want you to come and warm your hands on it without getting burned. And also, I don't want you to go away from it and get cold.

[55:12]

So it's hard for me to bring it up in a skillful way. But it's also hard for me not to bring it up So my apology is not just to say I'm sorry, but also to try to encourage you now not to use my blunders as an excuse for why you don't have to do this work. Don't say, well, if he likes this fire, I'm leaving town. Don't let my unskillful presentation of the most central and fruitful place to put your attention. Don't let that discourage you from taking care of this. Please.

[56:17]

I do have the experience that if you learn how to handle this thing all your suffering will melt away and things that are bothering you now will just simply drop off and you'll feel warm and comfortable and courageous, and your skill will come forth from that place. And I will be happy to use regular Green Gulch heating equipment. And anybody who wants to sit closer to me and listen is welcome to do so. So would you tape today's lunch?

[57:32]

Have the speaker near to me. It's going to be good. Finally, I'm going to have an audience for my drumming. Yeah, I heard.

[57:49]

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