Is it chilly in here? Wow. It'll probably warm up. OK, the title of today's talk is Do You Need a Teacher? Do you need a teacher?

[01:11]

Well, to expand the title now is, do you need a teacher in the practice of the Buddha way? And to expand the title a little further, do you need a teacher in the practice of the Buddha way is a question which would be answered differently depending on how you understand the Buddha way. If you understand the Buddha way as the path for the realization of complete freedom and unassailable happiness and harmony with all beings,

[02:50]

If you understand the Buddha way as a path for realizing complete freedom, complete happiness, and harmony with all beings, for all beings, if that's what we understand as the Buddha way, then the answer to the question of do you need a teacher is, I would say, yes. We definitely need a teacher to realize such a Buddha way. If what you mean by Buddha way is to try to sit still for a little while and be quiet, not cause too much trouble around the house, have a decent day for a change.

[04:04]

And if that's what you mean by the Buddha way, then I don't think you necessarily need a teacher for that. And a lot of people come to Zen centers to learn how to have such a practice. be able to sit still for a little while in the midst of the intense pain and confusion of their life, just be still for a little while and not cause too much trouble, at least during meditation. And then they practice like that and then they sometimes come to a teacher and they say, do I need a teacher? And sometimes we say, well, not right now necessarily. You seem like you're doing okay just trying to settle down a little bit and keep out of trouble. But if you actually want to have an intimate relationship with the teaching of the Buddha, which is going to totally transform the lives of all suffering beings, then you need help.

[05:19]

from a teacher of that teaching. Otherwise, even if you try to practice a teaching and a way of realizing that teaching which has the the very high goal, high aspiration of enlightenment of all beings, even if you try. In fact, even if we try, we will go off in one direction and that teaching which enables that realization will go in another direction. We will not be able to realize it. So, another way to put the highest goal of Buddhadharma is the way I was thinking of starting the talk today, but I thought it was a little too abstract, so I started a little bit more simply with, like, do you need a teacher?

[06:36]

But the goal of Buddhadharma is, and here comes the abstract statement, is an emptiness whose essence is great compassion. That's the goal of the Buddha's teaching. Emptiness sounds like, well, there's nothing there. Well, it doesn't quite mean that. It means emptiness means the way actually things are. The realization that the goal of Buddhism is the realization of the way things actually are. And it's not just the way they are, but it's the way they are whose essence is compassion. So in the middle of this, the way things are, which is called emptiness because you cannot get a hold of it.

[07:40]

The way things are is that things are not, actually I shouldn't say the way things are is that things aren't things. The way it is is that there aren't any things. There aren't any things really. It's just that we impose, our mind imposes upon what's happening, thingness. We impute thingness all over the place. We make, you know, what's happening into like one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, you know, and so on people. We impose a separation between beings. and make them into separate entities, make them into things. The way it is, is actually that there isn't, it isn't really like that way. Ultimately, what's happening is ungraspable, insubstantial, and there's no things.

[08:43]

But in that no-thingness, which actually permits the making of things, its essence is compassion. That somehow in the middle of this insubstantial, ungraspable what's happening, there's compassion for beings who are making things out of this and are suffering because of the thing-making and the thing-grabbing. and the thing rejecting, and the thing maneuvering and manipulating that they're involved in. The goal is to realize this what's happening, to realize it. You can't get a hold of it, but to realize it, to be completely intimate and one with this what's happening, whose essence is compassion for all beings who are falling for the thingness

[09:48]

the Zen teacher, what's his name, Ru Jing, a Chinese Zen master, he said, it's like a mouth hanging in vast space. Actually, this is referring to a windmill. You know, a wind bell is hanging in the air. Okay? It's like a mouth. The wind bell is like a mouth hanging in space. It doesn't care. It has no concern with whether the wind comes from the east, the east, the west, the north, or the south. no matter what direction the wind comes from, it equally sings out wisdom.

[11:06]

If the east wind comes, the wind belt receives that wind and moves to the west, that's what's happening. if the wind's strong enough to move the wind bell. If it's a steel wind bell and the breeze is really soft, the wind bell won't move. If it's a paper wind bell, it'll move really easy but it won't make much noise. Each wind bell will move differently but it'll move according to what's happening. And that's what will happen, and it won't make any arguments about, you know, what direction the wind's coming from or how far it moves and what kind of sound it makes. That's how the wind bell is? That's how wisdom is. Wisdom is just the way things are responding to what's It's the way it's happening.

[12:21]

It's the way it's happening. And no matter what happens, it equally says what's happening. That's wisdom. Emptiness is wisdom. But it's not just wisdom. It's not just what's happening. The essence of what's happening has this concern. There's a concern in the middle of what's happening for the welfare of all beings. And not just caring about them, but wanting to work to help them. This is the goal. And for that goal, we need a teacher. So what's a teacher? Well, a teacher is an emptiness whose essence is compassion.

[13:30]

So if you had a windmill whose essence was compassion, that would be a teacher. So you go over to a windmill and you blow on it. And he goes, ching, ching, ching. Or you take it and you shake it and he goes, ching, [...] ching. Except that there would be compassion there for you. So there really isn't such a, there's not a thing there that's the teacher. And there's not even a thing there that's compassion. The compassion is also not, doesn't have a substance.

[14:36]

But nonetheless, it does care about us and it does want us to be free and happy and it does want to work for that. There's other kinds of compassion besides the compassion that goes with this emptiness, which is nice, where there's not an emptiness there, there's a something there, and its essence is compassion. But since it's something, the compassion gets tired out. being something. The somethingness of the compassion keeps draining the compassion. And also, the somethingness of the compassion means that when you come over and you blow on it, it says, you know, would you brush your teeth or don't blow so hard or, you know, something like that.

[15:49]

Because it's something, it can't respond the way the wind bell can. because it's something. It's got a definite kind of like way of helping you. It's got a definite program by which you can be helped, which is pretty good. There's an impulse to want to help you or help me, but it's not the ultimate goal. of the Buddha Dharma, the ultimate, is not to have a fixed position. And from that lack of fixed position to from there respond compassionately to beings. Then you can be much more appropriate and to the point because you're not fixed and committed to some point. You have no point. There is no point.

[16:49]

which you hold to. Points appear here and there. But they are also insubstantial points. So when you go see the teacher, when you go meet the teacher, if you actually want to, if you're interested in realizing this ultimate goal, what you do when you go to the teacher is you drop you let go of, yikes, what? What am I going to let go of? Well, your old views, which is actually your views. So then you go to the teacher and you blow on the teacher and you say, hey, I let go of my old views. I'm bringing you somebody who's let go of her views.

[17:56]

And I'm just, what have I got? And you haven't gotten any new views yet. It isn't that I've let go of my old views and now I've got some new ones. No. As soon as you get a hold of them, they're already old. You have no views. You've come in empty-handed. As soon as you do that, you've already done, you've met the teacher. It's all over. It's all over. You've accomplished instruction. You've gotten to this place of being like a wind bell. As soon as you let go of your old views, you're ready now to respond. The teacher has performed her function because you have just done what the teacher is there to help you do. Namely, drop your views. and then watch to see what happens.

[18:57]

Is there compassion there? Drop your views and look again. Drop your views and look again until you find the compassion. Someone came to see me and asked me, and now it's holiday time, right? So many Zen students are going home to visit their parents and other loved ones with whom they have old views. Heavy, heavy, heavy old views. And also you're supposed to, even if you have forgotten them temporarily in your meditation practice, even if there have been a few moments when you dropped your old views about your mother and father and brother and sister and children, if there was a moment, you're supposed to remember them when you go back there.

[20:08]

Oh yeah, you're my mom, right? You're my son, right? Yes, yes. rather than like, who are you really? What are we doing here? How did this happen? Where did we come from? Do you love me? No, none of that. You're not supposed to do that. And if any impulse to do that happens, have some eggnog. Spiked. Now you go back now. So many Zen students come to ask their teacher, well, what should I do? How should I practice? Do you have any advice about how to... What should I do? So I said to the person, immediately hit the mark.

[21:18]

That's my advice. It applies to all situations. What mark? Immediately hit the mark. And then what? Immediately hit the mark. What mark? Immediately hit the mark. But actually, you don't say this over and over. As soon as a person asks what mark or how do you hit the mark, you ring the bell and they go. The windmill goes ding and they're supposed to leave. There's no way that you can hold on to to hit this mark. There's no way you can like be there. Immediately means now, right now.

[22:26]

What's a teacher for? Teachers, you say, have any advice? Teachers say, immediately hit the mark. Then you say, well, how? Or then what? Teacher says, bye. The windmill doesn't collude in this process of getting access to your life. Like, you know, yeah, you really are not here, so let's figure out a way to be here, shall we? As soon as you start looking for it, you've veered away from it. You go to talk to Wimbo, you say, you say, Wimbo, Wimbo goes ding, ding. But I didn't ask my question, ding, ding. The windmill answers before you get to ask your question. The breath that comes out of your mouth moves the windmill.

[23:35]

It doesn't wait for you to finish the sentence. But I wanted to finish the sentence. Well, go ahead and finish it. But the windmill already rang before all the way through. The windmill rang several times and told you, you know, immediately hit the point. But I want to finish my question. About how to live. The heart wants something to cling to. Okay, okay, but right there. How, what?

[24:35]

It's right there. We need help to live there. We need somebody who will help us live there. It's so hard otherwise to do it all by ourselves, to just moment after moment hit the mark, settle down right now here. So you go to the teacher to ask for advice about what to do when you go visit your family on the holidays. You go in to see the teacher and you drop everything and then you don't have to ask any questions. You've already got the advice. But if you'd managed to ask the question, then the teacher says, drop everything right now. That's the advice. If you're willing,

[25:39]

Then you leave the room and you try to do it on your own. You try to bring that into your own heart and let your heart beat. Let your heart work beat after beat, not next beat, not 10 beats, but every beat and be there with nothing else. And every beat of every heart is its response to the whole body and to the whole universe. Your heart is your response, is the response of your heart to everything. That's its response. And when it stops, that's its response. So I accidentally got into talking about the ultimate goal or the ultimate point of Buddhist teaching.

[29:37]

I say accidentally because it feels like an accident to me. Accident in the sense that I didn't expect to. It was unexpected, unpredicted by me that I would talk about this the way I just did. And the thought comes up now, what if a person, what if a meditator feels that he can't just immediately drop everything and just settle down right here? That there's something that says, no, I've got to have something to hold on to. I've got to hold on to a few of my old views to cope. I just can't like just immediately just hit the point of being like a wind bell whose essence is compassion.

[30:50]

I can't walk around like a wind bell. I got to like make some deals with the wind. I got to bargain with the wind. I got to occasionally wrap tape around my chimes People won't let me just, you know, like chime away. They won't let me. I'll get in trouble if I like really sing back what I have to sing. This is called holding on to old views. That's what it's like. You wrap tape around the chimes of the wind bell and take it out of space and put it in a drawer. and it'll be nice and quiet there, and you get no trouble. And when the wind blows, unless it blows really strong, the wind bell will not move and won't make any noise. So the wind bell will be all right, and the wind will be all right, but there'll be no song of wisdom whose essence is compassion.

[32:01]

Which some part of us says, fine, fine. I've got other things to do today. I've got enough problems. Don't bring up this thing about, you know, the ultimate point of Buddhism right now. Later, when the wind is not blowing so hard and when nobody else is around to hear what I would say if that happened. So anyway, because of our attachments, we actually do not, we're not ready for this windmill, okay? We're not ready to be like that. Something else says, no, what will happen to me? Windmill doesn't say what will happen to me. Well, sometimes it does, but it says that when the wind blows in the windmill, this very strange way that occasionally happens that the wind hits the windmill and the windmill actually makes a sound. It goes ding, ding, ding, but it actually sounds like what will happen to me.

[33:05]

It sometimes says that. It could say that. Do you understand? That could happen. It's very rare, though, very rare that a windmill makes that sound. And it could think that, too, but it's very rare. It basically just responds without self-concern. Okay, but let's say we are holding on, the wind bell is held still, packed up, and is not responding, okay? Well, then we don't, of course, then teacher's not going to be able to move that. You can't let go, you're stuck. Then what? Well, in that case, the teaching is try to pay attention And look closely at the wind bell, at the stuckness.

[34:07]

Just try to pay attention to the stuckness. Look closely at this responsive situation called your life, which is not responding, which is holding tight. Maybe there's a little bit of compassion in there too. But anyway, even though there's compassion, this is definitely kind of like there's not this thing about ungraspableness. Forget that. Just look at that situation. Look at it, look at it, look at it, look at it. And as you look at it closely, that will start to give rise to, that will be the seeds of this kind of thinking. which I'm talking about, which is thinking which just completely accords with immediately hit the point without holding to your old views. Now I'm still holding to my old views. If you watch them carefully and become intimate with them, you're closer and closer to the point where they drop away of themselves.

[35:16]

and you're hitting the point immediately, moment by moment again. I say again because we come from this place, we've been there before. This is our true home, this essenceless, the essenceless what's happening whose essence is compassion. This is our place we come from. We have forgotten it. So we're going back now, hit the point, go back to the point immediately. And again, immediately means please do it today, please do it now, but also remember that it can't be like one, two, three, or even one. It always has to be right now. If there's the slightest bit of trying to do it, it's not immediate. It has to be The way you can be without any preparation.

[36:23]

That's the way we're talking about. So if you can't bring yourself to do that, look at how you can't. And that will be the seeds for how you can or how it can happen. And this is quite, what do you call it, practical or reasonable or realistic. It's kind of a realistic approach. for many of us because a lot of the time we're not ready to just hit the point immediately but we can spot that feeling of not being ready and that will give rise to the kind of thought which can gradually be ready. And when we again are ready and intimate with what's happening, the old habits, the old views drop away and we're at the point which happens to be right here, right now, what's happening.

[37:31]

But of course there sometimes is right here, right now, what's happening and what's happening is I refuse to let go of my old views. That also can be what's happening. Then again, look at that. Then again, you're joining what's happening. And as you join what's happening, again, the old views will drop. And you'll find there this emptiness whose essence is compassion. And we need a teacher for that. who we go and we remember, I'm going to the teacher to practice this settling down right here, immediately hitting the mark, and then the person can help us do that because we want to be helped doing that. If you don't want to be helped doing that, you don't necessarily need help doing that. When you want help doing that, then you need a teacher.

[38:38]

And if you want to realize the ultimate goal of Buddhadharma, then you need help to do that. You need somebody to witness and to mirror your renunciation of everything. Someone to be amazed that you're able to be that way. Or someone to be amazed that you think that's what you're doing. Okay, so that's kind of a lecture, isn't it? And so I have a song that goes with this.

[39:44]

I couldn't think of a new one, but this one goes with this perfectly, in my opinion, which I've just given up. So maybe it doesn't. Maybe it's really an inappropriate song and has nothing to do with what I talked about. It's possible. But actually, I have the thought that it's perfect. But it's just my idea. You may disagree. And that's just your idea. You may think this song does not apply to my talk. That's just your idea. I may think it does. That's just my idea. You get the point? Well, forget it. Okay, and this is the song. Ready? Are you ready? Are you ready? All right. Are you ready if we don't sing a song? Yes. Great. Am I?

[40:47]

Yes, I'm willing not to sing a song. Am I going to sing a song? Yes. Okay, here goes. Kathleen's not here today. I know this song. I don't need her help. When the red, red robin comes bob, bob, bobbing along, along. There'll be no more sobbing when he starts throbbing his old sweet song. Wake up, wake up, you sleepyhead. Get up, get up, get out of bed. Cheer up, cheer up, the sun is red. Live, love, love. Laugh and be happy. Though I've been blue now, I'm walking through fields of flowers. Rain may glisten, but still I listen for hours and hours. I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again.

[41:52]

Singing a song. When the red, red robin comes bop, bop, bopping along. Bop, bop, bop, bopping along. We are to be made a believing in place with the true man of God's way. Beings are the bliss, I vow to say them. solutions are impossible. I vow to end them. Our lives are boundless. I vow to end them. This way is not possible.

[42:56]

I vow to become it. It's all I've ever known of this. I've had enough of this escape, then. These delusions are inexhaustible. I've been playing around with what you've said, then. I've been playing around with what you've said, then. I've had enough of this escape, then. Yeah, what's your name? Thorne? Thorne, okay. He had a question which I thought would be very good to start with. I didn't see from what you were saying before that if one could act spontaneously and naturally, one could feel fairly comfortable that it was an act that was not overly complicated upon a situation like the WIPDA.

[44:32]

The instance that's a question for me is an old friend who was going through depression. And he started drinking. And thinks they can handle the drink. So we'll argue that they can drive or smoke a cigarette. And I worry about them. And I'm pulled two ways. One is not to act. Perhaps be there, as you had mentioned before, with compassion. Not to have a view that I try and impose, which of course can be my hope. You will stop right there. follow a path that can cure depression.

[45:40]

And if I do that, worried that they will feel that it's okay that they can continue and perhaps not find their way in the South. And if I do interfere or say something, that perhaps that will be difficult because I will be coming with a perspective that I impose on them and that perhaps they will not feel that I'm as much a friend as someone who disapproves and so will not be able to be as effective in helping them on their own. So I don't know about when to act, when not to act. And I thought that this situation he describes is one that I hear stories like this quite a bit. Some of you know kind of what I'm going to say.

[46:56]

Excuse me for being not too accidental here. If someone is drinking, for example, alcohol, and you don't like it, okay, let's just say that, you think you're worried about them, you think it's harming them, you don't like them to harm themselves, okay, let's say you feel that way. Now, what I recommend, both for that person but even more so for yourself, is full self-expression. Whatever that is, a full self-expression is to say, I do not like that you drink so much. I would like you to stop drinking so much.

[47:59]

If that's your full self-expression, I say, if you want to practice Buddha's way, if you want to be free and happy, I say, express yourself fully. And if that means that you say, I don't like it when you drink this much. I hate it when you drink this much. If that's what your full self-expression is, I say that's what I would advise you to do if you want to be free and enlightened. But full self-expression means that you do not say this to get anything. You do not say this to manipulate the person. You do not tell them that you don't like them to do that in order to try to get them not to do it. If you say, I don't like it when you do that, and even if you say, I want you to stop doing that, if you do that to get them to do it, that's not full self-expression.

[49:15]

It's partial self-expression, there's some self-expression there, but full self-expression uses up your entire self at that time. You give this person exactly who you are and there's nothing left over to hope for something other than what's happening. If we don't express ourselves fully, we continue to be trapped in our self. As long as we are into using the self to manipulate things and try to make things go the way we want them to go, we stay trapped in ourself. And not only that, but we project this trappedness onto others and we show the example in the world of self-enslavement. But full self-expression is not manipulative. And last week, again, last time I talked here, talking about full self-expression and pointing out that in order to be free of yourself, in order to be free of yourself, in order to be free of your own self-concerned agendas, like to help your friend,

[50:38]

To be free of your impulse to help them will help them more than to hold on to your impulse to help them. But anyway, to be free of self-clinging, we have to express ourselves fully. You can't be free of yourself if you don't express yourself fully. You have to put yourself on the line in order for yourself to drop away. You have to put your cling clearly in view before it will drop. So this person, whatever their problem is, it's coming from self-cleaning. If you want to help them, show them what will set them free. Forget it. The fact of drinking some more is not that big a problem compared to self-cleaning. Self-cleaning is much worse than one more drink. It's actually much worse than burning in your bed because self-cleaning goes on forever. Freeing someone from self-clinging, showing them the way to become free of self-clinging is much more important than anything.

[51:43]

It's the most important thing for a human being. What you do is you practice it yourself. And if they see it, they may be so inspired to see someone who's actually being himself with no manipulation of them. They may feel, this is real love. This is real respect of me. You respect me the way I am as an alcoholic. If I never stop drinking, you'll always love me. You may keep telling me that you hate that I drink, but you'd say it because that's who you are, not because you're trying to make me different. You wish I would be free, but that's who you are. You don't wish I was free to get me to be different. And Jackie said, well, if you just fully express yourself, then what about the precepts? you know, the Bodhisattva precepts. And I said, what are they? And she couldn't remember. But now today she brought the precepts with her. I sent her a card so she knows what they are, right? Full self-expression is not killing, is not stealing, is not lying, and so on.

[52:53]

And it's not slander. When you tell someone that you don't like what they're doing, that's not slander when you fully express yourself. You're talking about yourself, not them. He's saying, I don't like it. It's nothing about you. Some people, you can go up to Buddha, you know. See Buddha sitting there like completely beautiful, upright, compassionate. Someone could go up and say, I don't like you, Buddha. It's nothing about Buddha. It's about I don't like you. And the person who doesn't like Buddha, if that person completely expresses that dislike for Buddha, with no agenda to get Buddha to slouch a little bit or be less compassionate, but just to say to Buddha, this is how I am now, that person becomes liberated like that. Because at that point, that person hits the mark immediately.

[53:56]

the mark of what's happening, that I don't like this. So if you don't like what she's doing, at that moment that you don't like that, that is actually happening because of you and her. And if it's full self-expression to shut up, okay, if it's full self-expression to tell her, it will not hurt her. It will help her because she will get to see a wind bell. When she's that way, you're this way. This is the greatest gift we can give someone is to be what we are at this moment. This is not manipulative. And this does not wish this person was different from what they are right now. You just don't like the way they are. When I was in France one time, I went to a town called

[54:58]

I think the town was called Dordogne, and it was in Dordogne, but I'm not sure. Is there a town called Dordogne in Dordogne? Huh? Yeah. So I went to this town, this wonderful town where they... It's a wonderful town. Anyway, it was a place where... What's his name? What's his name, the great French essayist? Montaigne? Montaigne? Montaigne. Montaigne lived in Dordogne for a while, and he had a friend named Bautier. Is it Bautier? Huh? Huh? Butye, he had this friend. They had this friendship, these two guys. And it was a famous friendship because it was such a good friendship. Because they showed love so beautifully. Their love was so beautiful that many people were inspired by it. They were inspired by it too. And someone said the Montaigne... how come you love Bautier so much?

[56:01]

And he says, I can only say that at that time that we were together, he was him and I was me. That's all we ever have together. And sometimes the way that is, is I don't like you, but I I never want you to be different from the way you are this moment. If you're miserable, I want you to be happy. But I want you, who is miserable, to be happy. I don't want you not to be you and to have that person who isn't you to be happy. You're miserable for many reasons and I respect that and I want the best for you. And I want you to have better than this. But right now you're the way you are and I do not move you at all. And now I'm suffering too and I do not move me at all.

[57:03]

And I tell you I'm in pain and I don't like this. This is not manipulative. This is not interfering. This is your response to this wind of your friends drinking. And you know, the funny thing is, if your friend's drinking bothers you, you know, the next moment, it might not. That might happen too. You may say, here I am, she's drinking, it doesn't bother me. I'm supposed to be, you know, she's an alcoholic, she's killing herself, and I'm not bothered. That's the way it is sometimes. Sometimes it bothers you, and sometimes it doesn't. And sometimes when it does, it bothers you, and you think, Well, it's good that it bothers me. It's supposed to bother me, and then I'm supposed to change them. Other times you think, it doesn't bother me. There's something wrong. It shouldn't bother me. You know? That's not, this is like holding on to your old views. They're suffering. I should be miserable. I shouldn't like this, but I don't mind. Something's wrong with me. This is holding on to old ideas.

[58:06]

This is not being who you are. Your suffering has rhythm. It isn't the same every moment. It's got its own life. Sometimes it's like really bad and sometimes it's not so bad. I remember when Suzuki Roshi was sick, dying, you know. We went to see him one day in his room and he got gathered together, the disciples that he ordained as priests, and he told us something or two. And I went back to my room and I looked in the mirror in my room and I was crying. But the crying wasn't on time according to my idea of crying. I was crying, but it didn't go with the feeling I had. I was supposed to cry with a different feeling than I had. And I just said, I just had to look and say, these tears, I was sobbing and the tears coming down, but I did not have the feeling I thought went with those tears.

[59:14]

It's not, you know, it's not, we aren't like the way we're supposed to be. We're the way we are. And I remember when my father died, I was in the bathtub, and my wife brought me a telephone. My brother said, Dad died. And I said, OK, I'll come there. I was in a San Francisco bathtub, and he was in Minnesota. So I just said, OK. I already was expecting him to die for a long time. I sat next to him back in Minnesota a year or so before, laying next to him. And every breath, I thought he would die. But he didn't. But then he died. And that was fine, you know. It was fine. It was fine. It still is. And I went back to Minnesota, and I went into the funeral parlor, you know. And I went up to his casket, open casket.

[60:22]

And I went up to the casket and I was feeling fine. I went up and looked at the casket and I burst into tears. Totally unexpected. Just big, [...] big tears and sobbing. Why was I crying? Because he looked so sweet. And I remembered how sweet he was. And I was totally happy. Completely happy. Completely happy that I had such a sweet father and I loved him so much and I was crying. And I wasn't sad. I was happy. These were tears of joy that I had such a wonderful father. I didn't know where those tears... I didn't know how much I loved him. I don't know where the tears came from. That's what I was. And I would, you know, I was a little bit wished sort of like that I could cry there forever like that.

[61:26]

But my uncle came over to me and said, that's okay, that's okay. He didn't understand how happy I was to see my sweet, dear father. We are the way we are and always, you know, unpredictable, really unpredictable. And sometimes we know that. And when you express completely who you are, you save the world and you don't kill, you don't steal, you don't slander, you don't say to people, you shouldn't be that way. Now, of course, sometimes you might say, you shouldn't be that way, but you don't mean it. You mean, I have to talk like this, excuse me. You shouldn't be this way. I got this problem, a speech impediment. You shouldn't be this way. That's not what that means. That means I have to say that sentence. Don't be confused by that.

[62:27]

This is who I am. I'm this, you know, I got to play this role. You shouldn't be this way. I love you so much for the way you are that I have to talk like that. I don't mean it. And if that person sees that and practices that, then regardless of what you think, regardless of whether you like it or not, that person will become free of their suffering. So that's how I feel. And I really do feel that way. And I really do feel that way. And it's really hard to be that way. And it's hard to be that way. It does require you give up everything and just be there immediately with what's happening. And it is really love. And the person might stop drinking, but some people have to keep drinking a long time before they're sure that the world will really let them be who they are. And in some sense, their drinking is their way of testing to see if they can even do this stupid thing.

[63:36]

There's something else which they really want to do, which is even scarier. They're working their way up to it by drinking. Unfortunately, it makes it harder. That's why it's better for them to stop, but they can't. So we work with the way they are. And the way we work with the way they are is we say, I don't like that. This is the way I'm working with you. Okay? Dorn? Yeah, thank you for your question. I think people, this is very difficult to understand this. Yes? This is very, very interesting, and I'm having a great deal of difficulty understanding it. Yeah, me too. One is, okay, even though what my, I mean, I have Just coincidentally, a similar experience with someone who was drinking, and they did respond real well. But it could be anything.

[64:41]

There's a message of like a cotton for 10 years or so where you gave I-messages. What I always thought when I would hear it, rather than saying, you should have knew that, I wish you had stopped doing that, or I guess that's a little different. But I always felt manipulated by the I-messages. How does a person, and you just ended up on exactly what I was thinking, Ma, you can say this, but I know personally that there's going to be, for a while, until I learn how to sort of burn it away or whatever, there's going to be some feeling inside of me that is wishing to change this person. How do you rid yourself of that, get to a point where you honestly, absolutely honestly are not trying to change this? Okay, it's just right there. If you're trying to change this, okay, if that's where you're at, you might say, I am trying to change you.

[65:43]

Now you say, well, I can't say I want to change. If I say that, then I'll lose my edge on changing them, so I'm not going to tell them that. Okay? So that... Yeah. That's the point. If full self-expression requires that you're mindful and you know what you're up to. If you do full self-expression but you don't know what you're up to, that's not full self-expression. Full self-expression requires mindfulness. That's why I say, you know, someone say, well, then I'll just kill that bug, okay? I feel I don't like that bug. I'm just killed. That's full self-expression. No, it's not. Full self-expression is to kill the bug with tremendous mind. Full self-expression, you have a mindfulness here. That's part of what's happening here.

[66:51]

You know that bug is there, not someplace else. And you have to kill that bug with full mindfulness. And as you bring your mindfulness, complete mindfulness to killing the bug, you won't kill it. You can say, it takes a little mindfulness to kill a bug, especially a really small one that's moving fast. You know? Like you have to fly swatter in the fly. You know? Or like in the samurai movie, you have the chopsticks in the fly. Okay? It takes some mindfulness to kill the fly. Okay? But it takes more mindfulness not to. Or not killing is more fully mindful. When you're really mindful, you see who the fly is. The fly is Buddha. Not killing is more mindful than killing.

[67:52]

This thing of, okay, I'll just be myself and kill the bug. That's a little, there's some mindfulness there. There's some self-expression there. But to feel the impulse to kill the bug and then to meet the bug eye to eye is more mindful. It's more totally what you are to not kill than to kill. Not killing is fully expressing what you are. And if what you are is you want, you wish, you want to change someone, I want to change you. It can happen to you. Here you are sitting there, you can feel this impulse, I want to change you. You feel that, you're mindful of you, understand then that's enough. You are satisfied. There's no more. And you have accomplished it. Now, if you do not want to do full self-expression because you're more interested in the result, then you're going against this.

[68:57]

And I gave an example recently. This guy, he does... I'll make a long story short. Of course, this is question and answer so I can tell the whole story. But anyway, I'll still tell the short version. The short version is this guy does documentaries And he finds that if he's talking to someone on film, he's got the camera there, you know, and he's talking to them, that when people get all that narcissistic attention, they will reveal themselves in ways that they ordinarily wouldn't. And he even finds that if you're really listening to someone, you may not look like you're really listening. And it turns out that to get the person to really spill the beans and tell you what's happening with them, it's more likely that they'll tell you the whole story if you look like you're listening than if you actually, well, if you look like you're listening rather than you look like you're not listening. The more attention, the more beloved and be loving attention that they get, the more they feel loved, the more they start to open up and tell their crimes.

[70:03]

When we really feel like Buddha loves us no matter what, we tell Buddha everything. So he looks at them like he's really interested in them, and sometimes the way he looks at them is not the way he would look if he really was listening. If he really was listening, he doesn't look as much like he is listening. So he puts on the face like he is listening rather than the face he puts on when he is listening. For example, I sometimes talk to people and I say, I'm going to close my eyes for a while now because I can hear you better with my eyes shut. I sometimes can hear better with my eyes shut when people are talking sometimes. Or sometimes if people are talking really fast, I have to close my eyes. Or anyway, sometimes if people are too good looking, I have to close my eyes in order to hear them. And I may tell them that. But if I didn't tell them that, I would look like I wasn't listening maybe, like I was tuned out. But in fact... Sometimes the face you have when you're really listening is not the face that looks kind of like, oh, yeah.

[71:08]

But this guy would put on that face. He wasn't trying to listen to the person. He was trying to manipulate the person into telling him something. He was the documentary film person rather than somebody who really, you know. And in that sense, he was disrespecting the person for the sake of his art. And he gets astounding results, this guy, by looking like he's listening. And he learned the difference between the different faces, the one that looks like you're listening and the one that is listening. If you're still into, like, manipulating, then you don't really express yourself fully. There's still something left over which is trying to get a result. And you maybe get to be a famous filmmaker because of this or a famous movie star by putting on these faces in certain ways. That's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about something called liberating beings from suffering, not gain, not gaining something.

[72:09]

not getting a result. This person might have to drink for 20 more years in order to pull it, in order for this thing to happen, called really becoming free. If that's what it takes, you'll be there with them. We don't know what we have to go through to get to where we're going. Let's not begrudge each other that, or ourselves. Okay? Any more questions? Very briefly, you were talking about when you mentioned that you were looking at your father in his casket, and the cheers rolled up, and there was a great feeling of happiness and sweetness. Would that be one indication that you weren't really fooling yourself would be an upwelling of a happy feeling? No. There's no characteristics of it. Okay. If you feel like you're fully expressing yourself, then that's what you feel.

[73:13]

And then, if that's what you feel, if that's your view, you let go of that. You don't use it then as a criteria. You use it as an example of one more thing to let go of. And then the more you let go, the more sure you are. And the more sure you are, the more you let go of being sure. Until finally you're just utterly let go of. And you have no way to know how you're doing. And then something comes which tells you how you're doing and the sad thing is you're doing fine and you let go of it. There you are back not knowing again. That's why you need help. You're doing fine. Pam? Pam? Pam? thinking about kind of the same question that she said when I really want to do is to manipulate somebody yeah then you have a choice I guess do you want to fully express yourself or do you want to manipulate that person so what do I do when I really want to manipulate somebody then go to hell just go to hell directly immediately without passing the manipulation you're all set up

[74:25]

You don't have to do anything more. You're already a success. If you want to manipulate somebody, you're in hell. So that's it. You don't have to do anything more. You got there. Yes? Pema Chodron said that she's got this motto. She uses abandoned hope. And I thought about that. And that really seems to me to be the way to get right to what you're talking about. Right. Unless you don't have any hope, then that doesn't count. But a lot of people have hope. Abandon hope and everything else. Except what you don't have. Don't abandon stuff you don't have. Okay, okay. I'll let go of my hope. No problem. When you have hope, abandon it.

[75:28]

What are the things that keep us from fully knowing what we want to self-express? Like, full self-expression means knowing yourself. Oh, what keeps you from not knowing yourself? What are the things? Well, let's see. Number one is, number one is, number one is, you're not looking at yourself. The main thing is to turn the light around at you. Self. Turn it around. Look back at this one who's trying to get something. Look back at the one who's seeking to gain something from this life. Check it out. That's the main thing. Do that one and let me know. I don't think we'll have to get to a second thing. But let's just see if that's it. The thing that's stopping you from understanding what you're up to is you're not looking at what you're up to.

[76:45]

They say, what's stopping you from not looking? Don't make it more complicated. It's not necessary. What's stopping you from not looking is that you're not looking. That's it. If you add anything to the list, you're just one more moment of not looking. What do you mean immediately look? Okay, I don't want to immediately look. Okay, well, look at the fact that you're not looking. Then you're looking. That's enough. That's enough for enlightenment right there. All you got to do is look at yourself and you will find the emptiness whose essence is compassion. It's right there in the middle of yourself. Yourself is actually empty and it's compassionate.

[77:50]

It's already set up, but you got to look and witness. That's why you need a teacher. somebody who will root for you and remind you that you're trying to see who you really are and find that you actually are this compassionate Buddha deep in your heart, inside of the part of your heart that would like to understand something and hold on to something and get something. Inside there is somebody who's not trying to get anything and just wants to help everybody. not trying to get anything and can't get anything. Buddha can't get anything. Poor guy. Poor gal. They're incapable of getting anything and they're incapable of making any excuse for not loving all beings. They just can't help it. They're sitting Buddhas. I need a teacher to teach me the words of self-expression.

[79:00]

You have to learn the language of self-expression. That's where I get caught up. Learn the language. You need a teacher to learn the language. Well, get one. Get a teacher. Learn the language. I think. Next is Martin. Still have a question? Yeah. I've been watching my thoughts on the last couple of weeks. And I got to see that I was not willing to let go of my personal drama. And I also saw how much suffering that caused me by not willing to let that go.

[80:04]

Good. That's it. That's the beginning of the enlightened attitude. What I've been practicing is every time it comes up, every time a personal agenda comes up in my mind, I let it go. And I come back to the present. Wait a second. Weren't you in the present when you let go of the personal agenda? So why did you say come back? Why did you say come back to the present when you were there letting go of the personal agenda? Why did you say come back to the present? Just a second, what did you just say? You said you let go of the personal agenda and then what did you say? If I'm involved in my personal drama, if I'm thinking about it, I feel that I'm not here at that time.

[81:06]

Wait a second. I'm back at the place of you let go of your personal agenda. Remember that part? At that moment, I'm here. You're right. Okay. Well, then you said come back to the present. But when you let go of the personal agenda, ladies and gentlemen, when you let go of the personal agenda, you are in the present. You have personal agendas in the present. And when you let go of them, the letting go happens in the present. You don't have to come back and do any kind of meditation practice anymore. You are there at being a human who's holding on to something. You have just let go. You're in the present. Now, if you add anything to that, you've just slipped back into getting it again. Now you've got your agenda back. But when you let go at that moment, you are in the present. And if you're not, you're just pretending to let go. If you're actually letting go, you're doing your work. But actually, you don't even let go. All you've got to do is be there with the attachment, the holding to the agenda.

[82:12]

If you're there, it drops of itself. In the present, it doesn't drop in the past or the future. It drops in the present. If you do that work, Martin, okay, then all you've got to do is just come and check to see if you are as enlightened as you think you are. And if you don't do that work, please do it. Please. Do us a favor. That would be great. So... Huh? Great. Roberto. And then comes... Yes. What is that? You changed it from to thyself be true to true self.

[83:15]

That didn't say to thy true self be true. It says to thyself be true. It's a little bit different. Yeah, uh-huh. You could have an untrue self that you're true to. Like you could be true to Tom. You don't even know him. You could be true to him. Huh? Oh, you do? Oh. Well, it's about time. You could be true to Tom. You don't have to be true to true Tom. True to true Tom. Just be true to Tom. Be true to Roberto. You don't have to be true to a true self. Regular, old, whatever kind of self you got is good enough. True to that. What does true to that mean, Roberto? Huh? Come on, tell me.

[84:20]

Right. Could you be fooled by a different idea of a self? Did you say? Definitely you could be fooled by it. But what does it mean to be true to something you're fooled by? Be true to it regardless. And so regardless of whether it's true or false, you're true to it. But what does it mean to be true to a self, whether it's true or false? How do you be true to a self? okay you got a made concept how do you be true to a made concept how do you be true to it because we're talking about being true to it it's just a little conversation we're having want to change it to something else we can do that

[85:23]

I'm willing to have this be true to something business. I'll go for that. What does be true to mean to you? To me it means be true to it. Be true. What's true? What's true? What's true between you and something? What is true? It's love, isn't it? Paying attention, being with it, looking at it. You can't be true to something and not even notice it. That's phony true. True means you're paying attention to it. You're devoted to it. You're just concerned with the best for it. That's what you have for yourself. Whatever, fake self, true self, half of each, you pay attention to that. You take care of that. And part of taking care of it is you express it so you can find it. Got this fully expressed self, you'll be true to it. If you're true to it, you'll see what it is. You'll see it has no core. It's insubstantial. It's an empty self. It's a self that's not all by itself.

[86:29]

It's interconnected with everything and its essence is compassion. You'll find that if you're true to yourself. If it's a fake self, no problem. Just be true to it and that fake self will show you this emptiness which is compassion. If it's a true self, if it's a Roberto self, If it's a tall self, a short self, whatever it is, you study it. You study. You give it your attention. You be devoted to it. You understand it. You're mindful of it. And it's being expressed because selfs express. Express is being expressed. It's being fully expressed. And that's what it is when it's fully expressed. It's really what you think the self is. And you study that. That's true to it. And that will set you free. Is that hard? Yes. Yes. Is it scary? Yes. Will people let you do it? They will. How do they let you do it? They'll tell you they hate you. They'll applaud you. That'll distract you. They'll say you're great. That'll distract you. They'll say you're terrible.

[87:30]

That'll distract you. Distract you means that'll make you say, geez, can I really do this? Are people really going to let me be myself? Ask them. They'll say no. What does that mean? It means yes. It always means yes. But what does yes mean? Yes means study more. Yes means study more. Yes means they're saying yes. No means they're saying no. What does that mean? We don't know. Study, study, study. Study what? Study self. Where is the self? I don't know. Express it. That'll expose it. Oh, there it is. Pat? I want to get back to the first question.

[88:37]

Okay. He is? You mean your offspring? He's from you? I don't have to, but I want to. Do you forgive me? Thank you. And this child has, during the holidays, is with the family during all the holidays, and everybody hates it when they're there, this person is there. And what I want to know is how can I act, because this child also has taught me more about myself than any of the other children. But what I want to know is how to respect this child Just me, without anybody else colluding to try to figure out how to handle this person if they're not.

[89:44]

So it's not like a friend if you don't have to call. No, it's not like that. This is a child that's your child. This is a child that's your body. This is like reality, rather than kind of like the kind of world of delusion where you think there's somebody you don't have to face. This is reality, and here it is. But you get to be, you know, somebody too. Matter of fact, you are, so go right ahead. You get to express yourself too. So please do. That's the scary part. What I would like some guidance on, although I heard everything you said and it was like all coming in, it's like I still haven't, I don't know how to handle it in the middle of the situation.

[90:49]

It's during the time we're all together. Okay, you just said it. I don't know how to handle it, okay? Handling is manipulating. I don't know how to manipulate it. Okay, here I am. I'm Pat, right? Is that okay? Can I say that? I'm Pat? Yes. Okay, okay, okay, okay. You can say pet. Now drop pet, this pet thing. I'm the mother, okay, okay. Yeah, fine, drop it. Now how do I handle it? Well, drop that. Immediately hit the mark. What's the mark? The mark's not how can I handle this. The mark is what's the mark? What's the mark? It's to tell her that I feel very uncomfortable the way she acts and I'd like to walk out and I'd like to have an Sounds good to me. There it is. Doesn't sound manipulative, doesn't sound like handling. It sounded like this person right there answering my question and that's it.

[91:53]

And she didn't know how to do it or how to handle anything. You didn't know how to handle me asking you the question.

[92:00]

@Transcribed_UNK
@Text_v005
@Score_87.06