As it's turned out, I repeatedly want to discuss the meditation practice of the enlightening being of infinite compassion. Using her name, Anjizai, as a summary of the meditation on compassion to contemplate how the self exists which means to contemplate the relationship between self and other which means to become aware of our belief, if there is any, that self and other are separate, which means to become aware of the pain of believing in our separation, which means to become aware of the wound in love.

[01:21]

But the proposal I'm making is that by awareness of the wound In our love, this wound is healed. By admitting and studying this pain, the pain can cease. And this was the third truth of the Buddha, that this pain can cease. That this world is workable. Things can be worked out in this world of misery by understanding what it is. Someone gave me an article in the New York Times written by the president of Czechoslovakia. Havel? Is he still the president? Anyway, one of the things he proposes is that In our current situation, we have a world civilization which is in transition.

[02:31]

And this world technological civilization has no spirit of its own, has no aesthetic of its own. And because of that, anything is possible. It's because we, individually, in our group, in our society, has no thing of its own, has no own being. It's because of that that anything is possible. And it's because we believe that there is something to us and that there is something fixed about our society. It's because of that belief that not much is possible. By studying ourselves and others, we can see that there's nothing to us.

[03:39]

And because there's nothing really to us, inherently, fixedly existing. Lost as many, anything's possible. The meditation of the being of infinite compassion is the meditation on how self and other dependently co-arise. It's a meditation on Buddhist teaching. of how things mutually give rise to each other. On Dogen's end he says, Life is like riding in a boat While in the boat, you raise the sails and work the oars and steer with the rudder.

[04:54]

The boat gives you a ride, and without the boat, no one could ride. And yet, you ride in the boat, and your riding in the boat makes the boat a boat. Your riding in a boat causes a boat to be a boat. And he says, one should meditate on this precise point. The point where You ride in the boat and you do those things, but without the boat you could not ride, and where you're riding makes the boat a boat. Meditate on that precise point. This is the point of dependent co-arising.

[06:05]

This is the point of mutual causation of all things. This is the point where we're joined by nature and separated by nature. Meditate on this precise point, he says. Dogen says this, Buddha says this, all our ancestors point to this point. And this point is everywhere. But you need to concentrate on this point. You need to choose where it is. Where is the pivot? where the world turns. At this very point, at this very moment, the boat is the world. The entire sky, the water and the shore have all become circumstances of the boat.

[07:08]

which are not like circumstances which are not of the boat. For this reason, life is causing to live. Life is our causing to live. It is life's causing us to be ourselves. Life is our causing to live. It is life's causing us to be ourselves. Riding in a boat, mind and body, subject and object, are all the whole works of the boat. The whole earth and all space are the workings of the boat. are the whole works of the boat.

[08:14]

We that are life, life that is we, are the same. So you start with the boat and see how you get in the boat, and you function in the boat, and how the boat gives you a ride, and how you couldn't function without the boat. And then see how that functioning, which you can't do without the boat, makes the boat what it is. Watch that point. And then at that same, very same point, you'll notice that the whole world becomes part of this too. It's the same as what I said about the mudra. When you put your hands together or when your hands come together and you place them at a point below your navel, on your abdomen, at that point the mudra is made.

[09:34]

And the mudra is made, could not be made except by using the whole body. without the wrists and arms and elbows and shoulders and back and head, this mudra could not be made. The whole body brings forth this mudra. But the whole body couldn't be there at that moment if it weren't for the mudra. and the mudra brings forth the whole body. And then the whole room and the whole world is the world of that mudra. Our life is just like this. Life is nothing but you, and you are nothing but life. Quietly explore the farthest causes and conditions of this.

[10:43]

Quietly explore whether life and the things that arise with life are separated or not. Watch life and the things that come with life, are they separated or not? Ten years later, Dogen tells you the answer. There is not one moment or one thing that arises separately, that is separated from the arising of life. There is not one mind or object that is separate from life. But even though he told you the answer, he also said, please check this out.

[11:59]

Look at this point. Any point. Any point. Concentrate on that point and watch how that point brings forth the whole universe and the whole universe brings forth that point. How that thing is life and life is that thing. And notice also, perhaps, that you don't believe that And notice, or you don't act like you believe it. And notice how when you do act like you believe it, it's a different universe. As I said to someone, I sometimes go in my room and I see something on the floor, like perhaps my bowing mat folded up. And I look at it, and it seems far away. And I wish somebody else would pick it up and put it in the drawer. Or maybe I wish it wasn't the place it was and I want to move it someplace with my foot, rather than lean down and pick it up.

[13:11]

That's because I think that piece of cloth is not life. I think that piece of cloth is not a tender living thing that you can't push around with your feet without hurting it. But when I remember that nothing in this universe arises separately from life, everything you touch is life. then I can go over and lean down and pick it up like my only child, moving her from the floor, lifting her up to put her in her bed. Can you pick something up

[14:20]

inanimate object and know that this is life. Life in your hands. That there's nothing that arises with life that is separate from life. As we say in Soto Zen, there is no place in this world where you can spit unless your spitting is a devotional spitting. Like in Indian medicine, they sometimes put liquids in the mouth and blow, the doctors put liquids in their mouth and blow them out in a fine spray as a healing That's not spitting in the sense of spitting in some low quality place. There is no low quality place in this world because there's nothing in the world which is separated from life.

[15:23]

Even though I do actually look at that piece of cloth and think it's far away and doesn't deserve my utmost respect, I can catch myself at that. I can notice that mistake and I can repent it and I can lean down on my knees, I can get down on my benders, as they say, and I can pick it up and repent. by giving it my attention. Even though we have this endemic disease of thinking that something's not our life, and thinking that something isn't bringing us forth, giving us life. Some light bulb somewhere is not giving me life, even though I think that way. And also, I think there's some light bulb that I don't bring to life.

[16:52]

I can overcome that by taking care of that light bulb. But the light bulbs in these lamps up here, there's not much I can do. They're way up in the sky inside of a big globe. And many people, there's nothing I can do. I can't touch them. They're far away or they don't want me to touch them. In that case, still I can extend my appreciation and my appreciation that they are my life, I can extend it just by looking at whatever it is and practicing giving. I can look at each living being and I can look at each inanimate thing and I can give And if I would think of giving something to someone, I often notice that I look around for something to give.

[17:56]

But when I look around for something to give, I immediately miss a chance. Because whenever you look at anything, the first thing you can give is to let the thing be what it is. That's the first gift. to let the person be what they are. And then notice that that's a gift. And notice how when somebody is what they are, they become you. They become your act of giving by being left alone. Before you left them alone, they were out there. Once you left them alone, Once you left the thing alone, it became you. Your giving was realized in them being what they are.

[19:01]

So I have a subtle point to make. I think it's subtle. But I think to prepare you for that subtle point, I should make some kind of unsubtle points. And I want to make these points before the kitchen and the field leave. Not that they need to hear this any more than anybody else, but it bothers me to have them not hear the end of this talk. So excuse me beforehand if I sound a little fire and brimstone-y. I want to talk about doubt. And I want to talk about that because before you can deal with certain subtle issues, you have to kind of like clear away doubt.

[20:30]

Pretty much clear it away. Some people have been kind enough to tell me about their doubt. I just told you a little bit about my doubt, that I doubted that my bowing claw was my life. And as an expression of my doubt, I look at it from a distance and think, you know, I hope somebody picks it up off the floor and maybe I have to, but I'm willing to if necessary. But it's sort of like not my favorite thing to do at this moment. I'd rather do something else than take care of that piece of cloth which is six feet away. This is my doubt. When you doubt what you doubt, I mean, what do you doubt?

[21:37]

I guess you doubt that what's happening is the most important thing that there is. I guess you doubt that the body of God is the place where a wholehearted, totally devoted, enlightened life would be born. you think, maybe if I practice a couple more minutes, or a couple more weeks, or a couple more years, or 20 more years, or if I get more healthy, or lose weight, or get whatever, somehow, at some point, I might be able to actually really be willing to work with this without any reservations. And work with this, I mean like give myself completely to this. rather than wishing a little bit or a lot that things were different.

[22:41]

And would somebody please deliver me a different world and let me deal with that. I doubt this one. I doubt this person, the way they are right now, is what I'm supposed to be working with. Just I'll wait here a little while and the conveyor belt will bring me a different person. And then I'll be able to really be devoted to that person. I'll give them my full attention because I realize this next person is my life. My life is nothing but this person, nothing but this piece of cloth, nothing but this potato. But not this one. Now somebody told me about her family, her suffering family, very unhappy with her suffering family.

[23:46]

And he admitted he doubts, he doubts this situation. How come life gets delivered in the form of having suffering children? Isn't it reasonable to wish they weren't suffering? Of course. But do you have doubt that wishing that they were healthy, wishing that they weren't sick, wishing that they were happy, not liking that they're not happy, and them not being happy and them being sick, do you have any doubt? about that being your life? Yes, I do. Well, the result of that is then when you're with your suffering family, you're not wholeheartedly there. So strangely, you're with people who are miserable and you're not there because you're waiting for them to get well so that you can be there and help them.

[25:00]

The funny thing is when people most need our help is when we most must not doubt their manifestation. When my bowing cloth is there and nobody in the universe cares about it, nobody loves it, nobody appreciates it as their life, I'm the only one who can do it, and I doubt. And if the bowing cloth was sick, all the more I would doubt it. Still, I have to admit if I do not see this person as inseparable from my life and take care of this person as though he or she was the same as my eyes, admitting that is pretty wholehearted.

[26:08]

And when you admit that, you notice something will happen to you. And maybe little by little you can come to the point of no doubt, of working with what's appearing right in front of you without being disrespectful and trying to change it into something else. It will change into something else, don't worry about that. And you wanting it to change into something else will be part of the causation of it changing into something else. If you don't respect someone, a lot of people will say, well, what do you want me to do? Tell me what to do so you'll respect me. You want me to smile? Smile. Of course, some people will also change because when you disrespect them, they'll frown and punch you in the nose. Anyway, what our disrespect of people does is an effect on them, and they will change in accord with that, among other things. It's not that there's not a connection. Anyway, I haven't yet tuned in to the fire and brimstone.

[27:20]

It doesn't seem to be igniting. Still some people are not shocked. The following story is not intended to encourage you to go work in the fields today. It's not a paid political announcement. One day, Zhao Zhou met a monk behind the meditation hall. And he said to the monk, Where have all the virtuous wands gone? And the monk said, They've gone to work in the fields. Jiaojiao took out a knife, handed it to the monk, and said, my duties as abbot are many.

[28:30]

I beg you, monk, please cut off my head. And he extended his neck. The monk ran off. Zhaozhou had no doubt. His teacher taught him the path of no doubt. The monk doubted. He doubted that this was an opportunity. No, I can't use this. Of course you can't cut the teacher's head off. Well, yeah, right. But what are you going to do with it? Later. I'll talk about this later. When I don't have the knife, or when you don't have your head and neck out. Give me a lower intensity moment, please.

[29:32]

Or give me a moment that has the answer written on it. I don't want to work with this one. See you later. You know, now we have our friend Danny, Daniel, in the hospital in this terribly difficult situation. How can we see this as life and have no doubt about this? How? How can we not run away from this the way I ran away from Suzuki Roshi when he was sick?

[30:52]

How can we not run away from our own pain and realize our pain is our life? And then quietly explore the farthest causes and conditions of this pain, of this sickness, How are we going to do that? Well, if you have no doubt and you're willing to try, then I have a subtle point to make. But I still haven't really... I still haven't really made a point about this doubt thing. Maybe it's better if I don't. Anyway, I don't seem to be able to get it across. I want to, actually.

[31:59]

Anyway, somebody said to me, well, you're talking about exploring the farthest reaches of causes and conditions of this suffering or the appearance of the self as separate from others, but isn't that like making something else? Like if you study the causes and conditions, aren't you making something else? Like I said the other day, studying causes and conditions is just this. It's not you studying this. It's just this. But again, just this is not a fixed thing. It's very dynamic. Just this is you bringing this forward and this bringing you forward. It's you practicing this and this practicing you. As you look at just this, just this is extremely unfixed, highly dynamic, very workable situation.

[33:18]

Causes and conditions, the study of them is just exactly the way this is happening. But he pointed out that to explore, to quietly explore these causes and conditions, wouldn't that be making something else? And then he said, Isn't it better just to say it's just being aware and clearly observing? But when you say that, you make that into something else. If you say that Exploring the causes and conditions makes the study something else, or makes the causes and conditions something else. You're exploring them. Then he thought, well, how about just saying, just be aware and clearly observe.

[34:20]

But then that became something else. Life is nothing but you. You are nothing but life. This is causes and conditions too. How when we hear about studying causes and conditions, the causes and conditions of hearing cause us to think that studying causes and conditions is something other than ourself. And if we notice that, we might want to make a special meditation practice that wouldn't have that problem. But then we make that something else. So you notice that you can't avoid this. Because if you avoid it, you make it happen again. However, if you don't avoid it, then it's happening. And somebody can watch this whole show. Which is again called no doubt. No doubt means, I don't doubt this means I don't need any leverage on what's happening in order to understand it.

[35:30]

just like I don't need any leverage on it to not understand it. You're perfectly capable with nobody assisting you to not understand. You're perfectly capable of understanding that without any help you can not understand. But actually everybody helps you not understand. All sentient beings support you in not understanding. And understanding that they support you is understanding. Pick a point and notice that. I think that was what I just did, was a subtle point, and it probably just slipped by everybody, including me.

[36:37]

I could have said it slower, but then that probably might not have been better because you would have got lost between the words. So maybe somebody got that someplace. Another monk asked Yajo, or it might have been the same one, we don't know. He said, the Buddha Dharma is remote. You know how far away remote is? It's somewhere between a hair's breadth deviation and the distance to some famous star. Anyway, it's over there. There's my life, and then there's Buddha Dharma over there. This is a confession that this monk made. And he said, how should I concentrate?

[37:46]

Zhaozhou said, observe how the former Han and latter Han dynasties held the entire empire, held all of China. Do you know about the former and latter Han dynasties? They straddled the beginning of the Christian era. The former was basically 200 years before the Christian beginning of the Common Era. The latter was basically 200 years after the beginning of the Common Era. 400-year two-part dynasty unified all of the huge country of China, much bigger than any huge country. They got it all under control. Observe how they did that, and then notice that at the end of the dynasty, They didn't have one penny. That's how to concentrate in a situation of thinking that Buddhism or Buddha way is a little distant from you.

[38:59]

And some of you may say, well, I'm not saying I'm an empress or I have aspirations to be an emperor and want to get everything under control, like get that Buddhadharma over here. I'm not saying that. Who, me? No. I'm not saying, well, I'm trying to get things a little bit organized. I'm not saying, well, I hope my children could, like, I'm not asking them to be totally happy, enlightened people, but at least I wish they could get out of the streets and be in a decent, safe place to live. I'm not asking for eternal life. I just want this person to be able to walk again. That's not an imperial aspiration, is it? No, of course it isn't. But notice how those who even had those aspirations and got it together, in the end, didn't have anything. Some people are very successful maneuvering this universe or seem to be getting credit for it and accomplishing great things, but in the end we don't have anything.

[40:24]

And yet everything, including having nothing, is inseparable from our life. There's nothing that's not our life. Life is nothing but our life. And one more question put to Zhaozhou. A monk said, In the empty aeon, is it still possible to practice meditation, to cultivate the way? So in the Buddhist cosmology, there's the empty aeon, and then there's the beginning of the aeon, and then there's the sustaining of the aeon, and the decay of the aeon, and the end of the aeon.

[41:48]

The aeon of emptiness is before anything happens. Before anything happens, nothing happens. Before anything happens, is it possible to practice and cultivate the way at that time? He asked. And Zhaozhou says, what do you mean by the empty aeon? And the monk said, there's not one thing And Jojo said, that's how to concentrate. So we wondered, can we practice when there's nothing? But when there's nothing is how to practice. In other words, this is how to practice. This is called when there's nothing. Do you understand? There's nothing. It's not that this isn't here, it's that the way of practicing with this is don't add anything to it and don't subtract anything from it.

[42:55]

Don't add yourself to it, don't subtract yourself from it. Quietly explore the farthest reaches of these causes and conditions. Don't add anything to it, don't subtract anything. The way of practicing here is as though you're in the empty aeon. This is a poem that somebody wrote in China.

[44:07]

It's a short poem. And then I'll stop. I'll say this is a poem about doubt and recovery. While my hair was still cut short across my forehead, I played about the front gate pulling flowers. You came by in bamboo stilts playing horse. You walked around my seat playing with blue plums. We went on living in the village of Chonan, Chokhan, two small children without dislike or suspicion.

[45:18]

At 14, I married you. I laughed, being bashful. Lowering my head, I looked at the wall. called to a thousand times, I never looked back. Forever and forever and forever. Why should I climb the lookout? At sixteen, you departed. You went into the far Kutoyan by the river of swirling eddies. and you have been gone for five months. The monkeys make sorrowful sounds overhead. You dragged your feet when you went out.

[46:26]

By the gate now, the moss has grown, the different mosses, too deep to clear them away. The leaves fall early this autumn in the wind. The paired butterflies are already yellow with August. They fly over the grass in the West Garden. They hurt me. I grow older. If you are coming down through the narrow of the river Jiang, please let me know beforehand, and I will come out to meet you as far as Chofu Sa.

[47:30]

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