I have some ideas about how the weekend might go, but I really am trying to practice non-attachment in general, and specifically in regard to what happened this weekend. So please help me and if you have any suggestions about how things might go, I'd be happy to hear. And I wondered how you're feeling. Are you tired from long weeks of work or not too bad? Some of you are tired and some of you are not so tired. I had to pull my sleep last night. I didn't have to get up early in the morning for meditation, so I'm not too tired. But let me know if you think it's getting time to stop sometime tonight and I'll stop.

[01:02]

One of my ideas was to actually read and analyze the course retreat description. I don't think it's a particularly good one, but actually sometimes when you work with something that's not too good, you learn something. One of the first things I just want to mention is just the word retreat. I understand that when there's a retreat, there's two aspects of it that I like to remember. One is that we, in the practice of the way of Buddha, we retreat sometimes from our usual involvements. But the point of retreat is basically to be able to re-enter and more fully engage with our life after the retreat.

[02:12]

To rest, not just for rest's sake, but for the benefit of rest that may be brought back to our friends and family following the retreat. Another aspect of the retreat is perhaps to retreat, well it's similar, is to retreat from retreating from our life. Our main difficulty is that we tend to retreat from our life because of various habits which we shall discuss this weekend. So we retreat and perhaps then learn how to stop retreating from our life and re-engaging. Retreat from habits that make us less ready to be able to respond appropriately. Now, of course, after the retreat's over, sometimes we re-engage with those habits, but sometimes not so much. Sometimes there's a little less engagement in that which hinders our engagement with all being.

[03:19]

Another point which is, in one sense, kind of picky. I wrote this thing, sort of, so I'm kind of picky about what I wrote. It says, the Buddha's teachings on transforming illness into enlightenment. And the transforming illness into enlightenment is a little kind of misleading. It isn't that illness changes into something else called enlightenment. Maybe it's better to say Buddhist teachings on how illness is the occasion for enlightenment, or illness is the door to enlightenment, or enlightenment about understanding illness so it would become free of it. It isn't exactly that they're two different things and one changes into the other. There is transformation, there is change from being in bondage to realizing

[04:35]

freedom, but they're not exactly like true things. They're more friendly than that, or at least the enlightenment is friendly to the illness. I guess illness in some ways is not being very friendly to enlightenment. You know what I mean? It's kind of like, well, you know, this isn't enlightenment. I mean, enlightenment's right under your nose and you say, well, this isn't it. Give me a better one. Not very friendly. Every moment you're offered this wonderful opportunity, you say, well, maybe later. Maybe this is not what I meant what I want. Not so friendly. So then you miss your chance. And then you get sick because you missed your chance. So sickness is kind of a friend of enlightenment because when you're sick, then maybe you're open to the teaching that it would be good to be friendly to the opportunities of the moment. passed up on and said, no, you're not feeling so well.

[05:39]

So the first part of this description looks pretty good. There, you know. After that thing about INTO, that was a little bit of a problem, but you okay with that now? So just kind of cross out the INTO and I think we're okay. The transforming of illness. Illness can get transformed and enlightenment can get transformed. Or maybe the Buddha's teachings on the intimacy of illness and enlightenment. And then width's okay, Rabbi Anderson's all right. And then the date's fine, really a nice date, November 10th to the 12th, 2000. The location's fine, Mount Madonna, Watsonville. This isn't really Watsonville, but you can crop that out too, probably. And then there's a quote, starts out with a quote, which the Buddha didn't really say this, this is like, the Buddha did not speak English. So this is, you know, kind of like, I'm saying that the Buddha said this, okay?

[06:47]

But I don't really mean that he said this. But I like to think that he said this, and maybe you do too. I like to think that the Buddha said, anyone who wishes to make offerings to me, let them make offerings to the sick." And then I wrote that Buddha manifest in the world precisely for the welfare of sick and suffering beings. And then, inspired by the example of Buddha being devoted to, and working together with all life, we may learn the compassionate skills whereby we and all beings realize Buddha's enlightenment. In this way the entire world may be transformed positively.

[07:58]

The next part is, in order to In order to realize such enlightenment, we must understand the processes of illness and healing. We will explore the Buddhist teachings on the source and nature of illness and healing. And there will be periods of sitting and walking meditation, talks, discussions, and some opportunity, individual interviews, as time allows. So I thought maybe the next thing to do might be to look at the word ill and healing.

[08:59]

Part of the reason I want to do this is because I want to play with these words and I'd like you to not be shocked by the way I play with them. So let's see. Start with the word ill. Actually ill can be a noun, an adjective and an adverb. As a noun, ill means the reverse of good. evil. And evil, of course, is live backwards. Did you get that, Diana? So that's one of the meanings, the nominal meaning of the word ill is evil, the reverse of good, the reverse of In Buddhism, and maybe for some of you too, in Buddhism evil means what harms life.

[10:07]

And good is what enables and facilitates fullness of life. So ill is some kind of harm to life. And then the second meaning A second meaning for ill as a noun is misfortune, distress. And another meaning is ailment or sickness. Okay? As an adjective, ill means immoral or vicious. Or, like... Another meaning is resulting from an evil or malevolent intention. Another meaning is attributing evil qualities.

[11:27]

from an evil or malevolent intention like evil deed excuse me ill deed ill deed can mean deeds coming from a malevolent or life denying life injuring intention and then tributing evil is for example held an evil opinion And then another meaning as an adjective is causing suffering, distress, like evil, like ill weather. And then as an adjective, ill means displeasure or hostility, which means with displeasure or hostility, to do something with displeasure or hostility, to run, to ill run.

[12:30]

to ill walk, to walk ill, to run ill, to speak ill with displeasure or hostility. Another meaning is in a harsh manner, to speak in a harsh manner or act in a harsh manner means to act ill. And another meaning is so as to reflect unfavorably, he spoke ill of so-and-so. And another meaning of ill as an adjective is unskillful. unfortunate, and I would say unwholesome. So that's ill, and you can make illness out of that. And making illness out of that, illness has actually some more limited meaning than the word ill. Illness is not usually used as a verb or an adjective. It's used as a noun, I think, mostly. And it means

[13:32]

First of all, the obsolete meaning of illness is wickedness or unpleasant. The more modern meaning is unhealthy, unwholesome condition of body and mind, sickness. The word ill has more going for it than the word illness. Now I'd like to talk about the word heal or healing. Heal means to make whole or sound or healthy. When I was a kid I used to sing this song in choir.

[14:35]

that makes the spirit whole. You know that one? If anybody knows the rest of the words, please teach me. I forgot them. A balm, a medicine, makes the spirit whole. The ill spirit is an unwholesome spirit, a spirit that's lost its wholeness, has become unhealthy. The word help The root of the word health is whole. To be unhealthy is to be unwhole. To be healthy is to be whole. And also the root of the word holy is whole. So unhealthy means split into parts. Broken wholeness. And healthy means whole.

[15:38]

So healing means to make whole, and so I'd like to coin the term this weekend, holing. Holing for healing. Because healing is to make whole, or to become whole again. And whole, the word whole, comes from Middle English H-O-O-L, which means healthy. So the word whole comes from healthy or unhurt or entire. So it has many meanings. Free from wound, whole means free from wound, free from injury. Whole means free of defect, damage or impairment, intact. Whole means physically sound and healthy, free of disease and deformity.

[16:40]

free of dis-me. And whole means having all its parts and constituting a total. Constituting a total for me actually, until I looked at these words a while ago, constituting a whole or totality was the first meaning of whole for me. I didn't know it related to actually the word for health, that it originally meant health that news to some of you too? This may be too much to chew on right now, but it just occurred to me when I was meditating on these etymologies of the word heal, whole,

[17:42]

illness and so on, that my Buddhist name is, the second part of my Buddhist name is the whole works. And I thought I could be changed to the healthy works, or the working of health. In the first part of my name, the second part is The second part is zen ki, which means complete or whole, complete functioning of the universe, or the whole works, as in everything, but also that the whole works. The universe works. And how does the universe work? It works through everything in the universe. It doesn't leave anything out. And the first part, named ten xin, means It literally means heavenly truth, so heavenly truth in some sense is the ultimate truth.

[18:49]

But the nuance of the meaning is that each thing is just each thing. Or a nuance of it is being childlike. Or... letting whatever happens be what it is and releasing all kinds of elaborations on it just meeting things without any argument any improvement or depreciation just meeting things just as they are being that way with your life is the helping works. That's my name. And I brought a little stamp with that on it, which I'll stamp on any books you want me to.

[19:57]

Okay. So I'll be, maybe I might be saying stuff like, you know, some strange, I'll be playing with these words, okay? So you're tipped off now. And the next part of this, the next part I'd like to emphasize is it says, in order to realize such a transformation, in other words, in order to realize enlightenment, Buddha's enlightenment, there's various kinds of enlightenment, like Diana helped me get a video of this... research to solve Fermat's equation. It's very difficult. Fermat's theorem, very important theorem and number theory that mathematicians have been working on for 300 years and then just recently a British mathematician proved the theorem.

[21:02]

And it's a great, it's a great odyssey of mathematics and they made a video of it and I watched the video and that guy had an enlightenment. He definitely had an enlightenment. But Buddhist enlightenment is particularly intimately connected with understanding illness and suffering. So the transformation we call Buddhist enlightenment requires that we understand the processes of illness and healing. So we'll explore the Buddhist teachings on the source and nature of illness and the source and nature of healing of the source and nature of holding. Okay, first the source and nature of

[22:13]

illness, the source and nature of unhealthiness, the source and nature of unwholeness. The source is ignorance. The source is blindness. The source is holding misconceptions. That's the source of illness, that's the source of evil, that's the source of unhealthiness, unwholeness. The nature, and what's the nature of unhealthiness? The nature of unhealthiness is that it dependently co-arises. nature.

[23:21]

And because it dependently co-arises, nature is what we call empty. Okay? A lot, but you got it. And I'll write it on the board and it helps you. The nature of the source of illness is ignoring or not knowing the nature of illness. The nature of illness is that it dependently co-arises.

[24:24]

It arises because of certain conditions. It depends on many things. And the fact that it depends on many things means that it's not a thing all by itself. The fact that it's not a thing all by itself is the reason why we can be free of it. It's not actually something all by itself out there ready to get us. It's an interdependent thing, therefore we can be free. When we ignore its interdependence, and when we also ignore the interdependence of other phenomena in our life, that's the source of the arising of our illness. So one way to put the way illness arises is, one way to put it is we resist

[25:28]

illness arises from resisting the Buddha way. Illness arises from not practicing then. Which means illness arises from not practicing calming your mind. Illness arises from not practicing healing your mind. Wellness arises from not calming your mind and healing your mind and holding your mind and seeing the real. From not practicing those meditations of calming and healing the mind. From not practicing seeing the real. When we don't see the real, when we ignore the real, we become sick. Without a calm mind, We can't see the real.

[26:31]

Not practicing calming mind, not seeing the real, illness arises. Also old age arises and death arises. And I said the source of illness is ignorance or ignoring the way things happen and the way, ignoring the way health happens Ignoring the way illness happens. By ignoring it, by not looking at the way things happen, illness arises. By not calming ourselves so that we can look, and then not looking. Or even not calming ourselves and looking, but not being able to look because we're too upset. We don't see the way things arise. We don't see the way illness arises. We don't see the way health arises and illness arises. What is the nature of... I said the source, but really the source also is not a thing.

[27:46]

It also dependently co-arises. The source of illness is ignorance. The nature of ignorance is that it dependently co-arises. Ignorance dependently co-arises and illness dependently co-arise. So illness isn't a thing all by itself, therefore you can become free of it. And ignorance isn't a thing all by itself, therefore you can become free of it. This ignorance, which is called the source of illness, is also something that dependently arises. So the source is not a thing either. It's called a source, but it's not a thing source. It's an interdependent source. So it's also empty, ungraphy. not really there, so you can become free of the source, you can become free of the ignorant, which is the source, and you can become free of the illness. So the source of illness is a dependent core rising, illness is a dependent core rising, and you can become free of both of the illness and its source.

[28:50]

And what's the nature of wholeness and health? Non-ignorance. The nature of health is enlightenment, is Buddha. The nature of, let's say nature, take it back. The source of health is enlightenment. The source of health is non-ignorant. The source of health is seeing. Seeing. and releasing misconception the source of help is seeing misconception and also releasing misconception and when you see misconception and release misconception you see reality so it's seeing so enlightenment

[30:04]

is not just seeing reality. Enlightenment is also seeing misconception as misconception. Enlightenment is not just seeing health, it's also seeing illness and seeing how illness is an interdependent thing. Seeing how illness is an interdependent thing is releasing the misconception that illness is an independent thing. So the source of health is enlightenment. The source of hell is seeing the dependent core arising of health and the dependent core arising of illness and the dependent core arising of everything. That's the source of health. What's the nature of health? The nature of health. Do you remember what the nature of illness was? Remember what it was? The nature of health Somebody thought, remembered it as being ignorant.

[31:05]

The nature of health is not ignorance. What is the nature of health? Excuse me. The nature of illness is not ignorance. The nature of illness is not ignorance. What is the nature of illness? What? The nature... I keep preaching. The source of illness is what? The source of illness is ignorance. Right? The source of illness is ignorance. Right? The nature of ignorance connects the nature of illness. The nature of illness is what? What? Is dependent co-arising. The nature of illness is dependent co-arising. The source of illness is not seeing the nature of illness. It's ignorance. The source of illness is not seeing the nature of illness.

[32:08]

The nature of illness is that it's interdependent or that the dependent core is rising. The nature of illness is that it's empty. Okay? So what's the nature of health? What? No. The nature of health is not whole. The nature of health... Health is wholeness. Okay? What's the nature of wholeness? What's the nature of health? What's the nature of healing? What's the nature? She said seeing? No, seeing is the source of hell. Seeing reality is the source of hell. What's the nature of hell? What? Interdependence. The nature of hell, the nature of healing, the nature of wholeness is interdependent. Namely, also emptiness. Notice that the nature of illness and the nature of the health are exactly distinct.

[33:14]

They're both dependent co-arising. Therefore, you can be free of both of them. Now, you know when you're sick, you feel pretty free of health, right? But that's not the full freedom of health. The full freedom of health is that when you're healthy... you can be free of health. Even when health is in your face, even when wholeness is like happening, you can be free of it because wholeness, the nature of wholeness is that it's a dependent core rising. It's an interdependence. It's an interdependent arising, and so is illness. So you can be free of both illness and sickness. I mean, both illness and sickness and health and wholeness. You can be free of everything. because everything has the same nature, but not everything has the same source. As a matter of fact, each thing has a different condition.

[34:17]

The conditions for illness are not seeing the source of illness. The conditions for health are seeing the source of illness and seeing the source of health. The source of illness is not saying the source of health, or illness, or Thursday, or Friday, or face. Ignoring the way things are happening. That's the source of illness. But the nature of illness and the nature of health are both dependent, but co-arisen, and lack some independent nature. They're empty of that. So this is a kind of, in some sense, extremely, you know, big dose there. But at the same time, you know, it's in some ways not terribly difficult to get the basic lay of the land.

[35:22]

So maybe somebody could tell me if they're having all trouble with this and we can drill on it a little bit. Anybody not get that? You didn't? Okay, can I help you with that? Huh? Maybe could I try? Okay. So, according to the Buddha's teaching, as I just brought it up, what is the source of illness? Well, could I ask you some questions before you say what you don't understand? What is the Buddha's teaching about the source of You're not sure? Would you like me to tell you again? You don't want me to? What do you want? Well, maybe that would be something you can work on.

[36:25]

You try to, you know, ask yourself a question, what you want. Okay, now I'm going to ask you a question. Do you want me to talk to you some more? Not right now? Would anyone else not clear about what I just brought up? Yes. If illness, you couldn't be free from it. If your illness was a reality, then it would be there, and realities don't change. Realities don't come and go. If you were sick, and it was a real thing all by itself, that would be it. You'd just be sick, and there'd be no way to be. If you were not whole, and that was a reality, then you would continue to not be whole.

[37:29]

There isn't anything that's all by itself. Yes, there isn't anything that's a thing, right. And not understanding that there isn't anything. That's something all by itself independent of the rest of the universe. Not understanding that, ignoring that, is the fundamental condition for illness. Exactly. Enlightenment also dependently co-arising. So enlightenment also is not a thing all by itself independent of the rest of the universe. There's no Buddhas all by themselves sitting someplace in the universe.

[38:41]

There's no Buddhas except in relationship to suffering beings and other Buddhas. And there's no living beings, no suffering beings anywhere in the universe all by themselves. All living beings are intimately connected and supported by other living beings and are intimately connected and supported by Buddhas and are intimately connected to Buddhas and supporting Buddhas. That's the way all living beings are. All living beings are helping the Buddhas and helping each other. And no living being lives without an intimate connection with all other living beings. That's interdependence. Ignoring that, we get sick. Seeing that, if we happen to not be feeling well, we know we are kind of like not that way anymore. So most living beings who are intimately connected with all Buddhas, most living beings who are nothing other than the life of Buddha, think that there's something other than Buddha.

[39:47]

And they also think there's something other than, well, around here, they think there's something other than George Bush. And I guess in some parts of Texas, they think there's something other than Al Gore. And so the people who think they're other than George Bush, which there's quite a few like that around here, they're not feeling well. Because this thing that they think is other than them, this thing that they don't feel intimate with, and do not want to be intimate with, is gonna be their leader, maybe. And they feel a little bit less not with Al Gore, They feel a little bit better about him being their leader, but really they want to go back to Bill Clinton. If they don't like Bill Clinton at least, how about, can we just have Abraham Lincoln come back? Or George Washington. Or Buddha.

[40:49]

Could Buddha be our president, please? But then you'd say, oh, but Buddha, then you'd think, oh, but Buddha's separate from me too. So I'd be nervous if I had to go meet Buddha, the president. So anyway, when we don't see how intimate we are with Buddha, and when we don't see how intimate we are with all living beings, that ignorance, that not seeing what's happening is a linchpin of unwholeness, of illness, of unholiness. And that illness is a dependent co-arising. You see, it arises in dependence on not seeing interdependence. Enlightenment also, when you do see it, enlightenment also arises, it arises independence on seeing. It's not a thing by itself, it arises independence on seeing, and also it arises on dependence of inner connection with everything. Okay? Yeah.

[41:50]

Well, like shackles, shackles on your wrists, handcuffs. They're separate from you, okay? You think they're separate from you, right? And yet they're binding you. But if you didn't think they were separate from you, they wouldn't be binding you. You'd just be, you know, such chicha with handcuffs such chicha. This is like not bound, she's just like, this is her thing, you know? This is her jewelry. Her jewels are tied together. That's one way. Exactly. If you realize you're not separate from the illness, you're free of it. And if you realize also, not just that, but that nobody's separate from your illness, and also you realize that the illness which you're not separate from comes from you not seeing how you were dependent on not seeing that you weren't separate, then you really become free of the illness, even before it goes away.

[43:09]

So I thought I might mention that in the story we tell about the historical Buddha, in the myth of the historical Buddha sitting under the bow tree and becoming enlightened, what the Buddha saw under that tree was that he saw the dependent co-arising of suffering. He saw how ignoring dependent co-arising of suffering is the dependent co-arising of suffering. And seeing the dependent co-arising of suffering is the ceasing, is the dependent co-arising of the ceasing of suffering. He saw that. And at that time he was free of suffering. And also he was in pretty good health by ordinary conventional standards. He became a kind of Buddha. Is your name Michael? Yes, Michael? Yeah, I'll do this in more detail later.

[44:12]

I'm pretty soon going to move into the practice that is the dependent core arising of health. And that practice has two parts, calming the mind, holding the mind, and seeing the real. So in the seeing the real department, we're going to be looking at dependent core arising. which is what the Buddha did under the poetry. The Buddha calmed down and then looked at how illness arises. He saw the dependent core rising of it. And by seeing the dependent core rising of illness, by seeing the dependent core rising of the mass of ill, he also saw the dependent core rising of the ceasing of the mass of ill. Because when you see how illness happens, you're no longer ignoring how illness happens. And ignoring how illness happens is a source of illness. So when you see how illness happens, the source of health has arisen.

[45:19]

Let me tell the next part of the story. At the end of Buddha's life, At the end of Buddha's career of enlightenment, at the end of his life, conventionally speaking, he was sick. He ate some kind of poison. There was some debate about what it was. But he ate some poisonous food and got really, got apparently dysentery and various kinds of, you know, surfaces of organs started to... However, The Buddha was free of that illness. And while he was ill, he continued to be Buddha. He continued to be the happiest Buddha in the neighborhood. And he delivered some of his greatest teachings, which are benefiting beings at that time and forever.

[46:34]

This is a Buddha. The Buddha is always in touch with suffering and illness, but the Buddha understands it, and therefore there's this great bliss of nirvana, even when there is the appearance of a very sick 80-year-old body. But the 80-year-old body, he saw when he was about 35, that the 80-year-old body, or his 35-year-old body, the body which arises, becomes old, sick, and dies, that body arises dependently, depending upon ignorance. He saw how that body he had when he was 35 arose, depending on ignorance, and how it would become old, sick, and die. He saw that. And he saw how, when you understand how it happens, there is a ceasing of that aging, sick, dying body.

[47:37]

There is a ceasing of it when ignorance ceases. Yes? Yeah, thank you for that question. I think a lot of people think that enlightenment is kind of like transcendent, this messy world of dependent core arising. But enlightenment and dependent co-arising are also... Buddhas are empty too. Buddhas are insubstantial. Suffering is insubstantial. Wholeness is insubstantial. Health is insubstantial. People are insubstantial. And Buddhas are insubstantial. Everything is empty. Everything has no... There's nothing, including Buddha, that exists all by itself independent of the rest of the universe.

[48:41]

There isn't anything outside the universe. And is there transcendence? Yes. There is transcendence. But there is transcendence because of, by understanding, that nothing is independent. If you think that transcendence is independence, you're back in bondage. So people think, well, isn't Buddha-like beyond it all? Buddha is not beyond it all, but Buddha is freedom. Freedom is not something. That's why I said at the beginning, retreat, you know. Retreat is just a temporary technique to re-engage more fully. When you're totally engaged with beings, when you're completely engaged embracing and sustaining all beings and being embraced by them. That's freedom.

[49:41]

But there's an idea that freedom is isolation, is getting away from the net of interdependence, getting away from those creepy people, getting away from George Bush, not having to be intimate with him. That's our idea of happiness, right? Another possibility of happiness is don't even be concerned with politics. So then you have to even worry about it. Like, just forget the government. Withdraw from the government entirely. And then, aren't you cool? No, no. You go to retreats to get encouragement to completely engage with all beings. The complete engagement of all beings is what you are. You are something.

[50:45]

Every moment that's interconnected with everybody. Everybody. Everybody. And every Buddha. That's what you are. Ignoring that, you don't feel well. Seeing that, you transcend the whole thing. but you transcend it through your intimate connection with all beings. You are whole, you are healthy, and if you happen to have a disease, which you can go to the doctor and the doctor can say, you have such a disease, even though you have that disease, you see how that disease happens, and because you see how that disease happens, you are free of that disease. The Buddha saw how that disease happened, And the Buddha was still Buddha with a serious illness. And he had other illnesses before that one too, like he had back problems. And sometimes he couldn't even give his talks.

[51:48]

He had to lie down and have his disciples give his talks for him. The Buddha with back problems? The big one, the Buddha. Can't even sit up? Yeah, that's what it is. But while the Buddha was lying down, the Buddha understood the dependent core rising of his back situation. And therefore the Buddha was Buddha lying down. And Buddha was teaching while lying down. And Buddha was very happy teaching lying down. And Buddha could see that this lying down condition and the pain in his back, and the problems in his back, how they arose, and he was free of them. And when the Buddha could sit up and stand up, the Buddha could also see the dependency arising of the sitting up and standing up, and the Buddha was Buddha, and the Buddha was free of being able to stand up.

[52:57]

But some people can stand up very nicely, you know, they have no sign of ill health, they can run and walk very nicely, but they ignore the dependent core rising up, this splendid body, and they're feeling ill and unwhole. So a Buddha is the way of being with whatever body you have, understanding how that body comes to be, and therefore seeing that that body is insubstantial, and being healthy. being healthy in the middle of any condition. And Buddha manifests in the world in a body which is limited, which will grow old and sick and die. But the Buddha simultaneously understands how that happens and therefore, for the Buddha at the same time,

[54:04]

There is a ceasing of the body which grows old, becomes sick, and dies. The Buddha is healthy while inhabiting a body which is sick. And the Buddha is healthy inhabiting a body which is well. But ordinary people who do not see the pentacle arising, when they are in a healthy body, they are sick. And when they are in sick body, they are sick. Because they do not see, they ignore the interdependence of their body and all bodies. Okay? And it's now 8.30. And so I just want to mention that I was thinking, but I'm willing to postpone this. I just want to tell you what I'm going to postpone before I postpone it. I was going to postpone, I'm thinking of postponing, or what would be postponed if I wait much longer would be the introduction of the first phase of moving into the healing of the mind, the meditations on healing the mind.

[55:21]

But maybe it's too much to introduce tonight, but I could do it tomorrow morning instead, but that's the next thing I was going to do. So I just want to tell you that, and now call on Patty. the cessation of the body, the cessation, not so much the cessation of the body, but the cessation of old age sickness and death. I said ceasing, but you can say cessation, it's okay. He was, the Buddha was free of everything. You name it, the Buddha was, Buddha's vision frees, the vision, the vision, the Buddha's vision frees everybody of everything. Huh? You'll buy it?

[56:22]

Yeah. The Buddha's vision frees everybody of everything. Matter of fact, the Buddha's vision is everybody is free, but not everybody sees it because they're holding on to some ideas. Okay, and then there's these two. Ceasing. Ceasing doesn't mean like annihilated, though. Ceasing like, you know, its appearance goes away, you know. But part of what he saw also is that there's no annihilation of anything. Things cease, but they're not annihilated. Things change, so they're not there anymore, but they're not destroyed. Utterly. Nothing completely does not exist, and nothing completely exists. Everything's interdependent, so you can't really get rid of anything entirely. Nothing is annihilated, and nothing lasts. This is the way interdependent world is, and seeing the world this way is called the middle way, and is called the ceasing of illness.

[57:31]

Okay? Carolyn? Would you say that again louder please? Just the last part, Suzuki, where she's saying X. What's the X? Yes. And I was around, and I saw him when he was sick. And to me, he was teaching just as well. The way he was sick was as good a teaching to me as when he was giving his nice little talks and moving the rocks and sitting zazen, that kind of stuff.

[58:41]

That was cool, too. The way he was that way was pretty good. But in some ways, the way he was sick was... the strongest teaching that I saw him give. And his greatest kindness to me was to show me how he died, to show me the way he suffered. And that was in some ways the most penetrating teaching he did. So he continued to teach by showing me the way he practiced with his disease. And he continued to practice by teaching me the way he dealt with that disease. Oh, you mean an example? Well, he farted and said, that's a good sign. And when he was getting treatments of moxibustion on his back, and when those cones burned down close to his spine, he went, he kind of winced.

[59:49]

Do you want more examples? Did you say not taking seriously the science of bodies? Oh, not taking personally. Yeah, that's another way to put it. That would be an aspect of seeing the way your body is actually dependently co-arising. is to not take it personally.

[60:55]

Because not taking it personally interferes with your vision. So when you're actually seeing dependent core arising, you also see the dependent core arising of personally. And when you see the dependent core arising of personally, you're also liberated from illness. So personally is one of the main things we see the dependent core arising of. If you see that, then you don't take stuff personally, then personally is just thrown into the mix of things that are, you know, because in fact, part of the interdependence is we've got all these personalies all over the place that are connected to all the other personalies. It isn't that we eliminate the personally, because eliminating something is like saying that it's really there. You can't get rid of personally, you can't get rid of impersonally, you have to deal with all of it. and it's all interconnected, and when you see that, then there's still personally and impersonally, but there's no personally like personally.

[61:56]

There's only personally impersonally and impersonally personally. You see that, and then you say, don't grab, okay, okay, I'm getting the impersonal, and you take the personal. You're the ignorant one, I'm the enlightened one. I'll take the impersonal, you take the personal. No. They're all interdependent. You see that, then you don't take it personally or impersonally. You don't take anything. You just are nothing but all your friends and relatives. Yes, what's your name? Susan. Yes, arising is something happening. Like, depending on ignorance, there's the arising... There's the appearance of illness. So it isn't like depending on ignorance. There is the actual reality of a substantially existing independent illness.

[63:01]

There's just the appearance of illness and the appearance of a person and the appearance of somebody getting old and sick. These appearances depend on not seeing. So with not seeing, various things appear. And with seeing, Various other things appear. But both the not-seeing and the seeing are also things that appear. So they're not real. The seeing's not real, and the not-seeing's not real either, in the sense of being independently existing. And the things which arise in dependence on seeing and not seeing, they too arise and appear, but they're dependent, so they don't exist independent of the visions or lack of visions. You can have a glimpse right now, yes.

[64:06]

Yeah. Yeah. How do you have a glimpse when you're upset? Yeah. She says, how does she sustain a realization when something's happening that's annoying that you said? When I'm out there in the world or when I'm in the heat or in the mix of some kind of interaction and I'm not seeing quietly, calmly Well, we have the world, and if you're in the world and you're not calm, okay, then your mind is not whole, and so you're sick.

[65:38]

And when your mind is not whole, in other words, when you don't see how your mind is whole, you're not seeing that, then you have the dependable arising of illness. So then at that time, you've got to be ill. Now, when I say you've got to be ill, I mean you've got to calm down with being ill. And if you're ill and don't calm down with ill, then you're just going to get more ill. So you can't expect to be upset about being ill and then be able to see. You won't be able to. So in the world, with all this stuff happening, you have to accept it. And not fight it. And calm down with it. And then you can see. And if you say, well, when things are really, really bad, then how am I going to see? well, then you have to calm down with things really, really bad. And if you feel like, well, I can't accept this situation, but I can accept this situation, and you say, so maybe I'll go over in a situation that I can accept and calm down, fine, please do.

[66:58]

And perhaps if you learn how to calm down with this situation, you'll be able to calm down with another situation that you previously said you didn't have a chance to. So we do need to learn how to calm down with experiences that come. So basically, the calming practice, the first phase of pulling or healing, the first phase of it is to basically meet whatever comes with no fixed perspective. This is the basic thing.

[68:05]

on the verge of introducing at some point. The calming part. Now, if something's coming, something comes to meet you, or you are meeting something, and you hold on to what you think it is, then you're going to be upset. More or less. You can release your perspective. You do have a perspective, you know, like, this person is coming to be my president, and my perspective is I do not want that person to be my president. This person is coming to be my wife, and I do not want this person to be my wife. This person is coming to be my husband, and I do not want this person to be my husband. Got that kind of perspective? That's a perspective, right? Or this person is coming... be my president and I want this person to be my president this person is coming to be my friend and I want this person to be my friend that's my perspective okay but in either case when you want it your perspective is yes please or no thank you if you hold on to the perspective that is the condition for the arising of ill because holding on to that perspective means

[69:31]

that you don't aren't watching for how this happens you're just grabbing something without noticing how it happens because if you notice how it happens you wouldn't grab it now you haven't yet been able to see how things happen so what you need to do now is act like you would if you did understand and if you did understand how things happen you'd realize that there's no way to grab them so as you train yourself in not grabbing what comes I should say, if you train yourself at not grabbing onto your fixed perspective about what's coming, then you start to calm down and be able to see what the thing is. And when you see what the thing is, you realize you can't grab it. And that nothing really, no perspective on it, is really the ultimately true perspective. Is it here?

[70:36]

Yeah. I really lost my mind. I heard something from somebody. And I took that very personally. If she did, actually, she really betrayed me. And that's why I really was stuck. And I always, I don't mind for my mind. When people are rising, I take time. I'm stuck with that. Betrayal. And then I feel the whole body to be warm. Because that makes me a little quiet. Very good. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

[71:51]

So, that's a very good observation. So I'm suggesting that the way of calming down and setting up the ability to see how things happen, which is the source of health and wholeness, I'm suggesting the way to calm down and get ready to see is to meet whatever happens with no fixed perspective. But in attempting to enter into that practice of meeting whatever comes with no fixed perspective, as you start to do that you start to notice that when something comes you do hold to a fixed perspective and then you notice as Heia said you notice how sick that makes you feel so she has actually observed to some extent in the process of trying to calm down and in some cases she doesn't she holds a fixed perspective she notices that and so she notices that

[72:58]

To some extent she sees the dependent core arising of illness. She hasn't yet calmed down at that moment because she's holding, but she calmed down enough in her meditation to be able to see because sometimes you're calm and sometimes you are letting go of fixed perspective. Or put it the other way, because sometimes you let go of fixed perspective and calm down you can notice that when you do grab on hard, how upset you get. So that, because of the calm that she got sometimes, because sometimes she lets go, then she can see that when she holds on, how sick it makes her. So she actually had a little glimpse there of the dependable arising of ill by ignoring. So in her story, somebody betrays her. When you see somebody betraying you, that's a dependently coerisen You know, somebody can even walk up to you and say, I'm going to betray you.

[74:05]

And you say, you must be kidding. They say, no, I'm going to betray you. This is like actually happening. In other words, this is appearing to happen. And then they do it. So you see this event called betraying you. This is something that you're meeting, okay? Now this is happening, right? This is appearing. Now what you have to do is is not have a fixed perspective on this. Just say, period, betrayal. That's it. I meet it open-mindedly. In other words, all my interpretations of this, all my perspective, all my values about this are floating around and available, but I'm not grabbing any of them. Then I calm down with this betrayal. But... You didn't see the betrayal that way. You grabbed it. You held to your idea of what the betrayal was, and then... So, you know, like, I don't know, you're sitting in meditation, and then you think, oh, the bird's chirping, or the incense is burning, so I'm, like, going to let go of my fixed perspective on that bird chirping.

[75:14]

Well, if you do, you're going to calm down. On the other hand, if the bird's chirping and you have a perspective on that, like, this bird should not be chirping, or, you know... Or, you know, this bird should not be chirping means this bird, this is like this bird should have been chirping last month, but not this month. In other words, this bird is not migrating according to the usual principles of migration. This is part of like, you know, the ecological, you know, crisis of my times and so on. You get really upset about this bird chirping. You're upset. But other times you say, oh, bird chirping. And, you know, whatever, man, I accept this bird chirping. You calm down. And then something happens. You say, this is different. This is not something I'm going to accept. And then, boom, you're sick. There's ill. You're broken into parts. There's you and the betrayer. This is not friendship anymore.

[76:16]

This is like, you're over there and I'm over here. You're really over there on your own. You're not an interdependent thing with me. And so I'm upset. So this is, you actually saw it. You actually saw what I'm talking about, a little glimpse of it. It wasn't very pleasant to see, but you saw it. And it's possible to get then, to then, right at that moment, to let go of that. And to become right in the middle of the upset about the betrayal. Just a snap out of it. And as soon as you let go of that, again you're calm. Yes, what's your name? Oh, Thaddeus. Thaddeus. Preference, yes. Yes. [...]

[77:17]

Preferences are not a problem unless you grasp them. Right. For example, health. You might prefer health over illness. That's okay. It's the grasping the health or grasping the illness or rejecting the illness. So you might prefer health over illness, but you might even prefer illness over health. You might prefer bush over gore, or you might prefer gore over bush. You might have either of those preferences. Neither one is a problem. And neither one of them are ever a problem. They're basically challenges to your meditation. Because if you grasp gore over bush, you're sick. If you grasp bush over gore, you're sick.

[78:24]

If you grasp this wife over that wife, you're sick. And so on. It's the grasping. The views are not inherently bad. Preferences are not inherently bad. Opinions are not inherently bad. Nothing is inherently bad. Even evil is not inherently bad because evil is a dependent co-arising. Yes. I wouldn't say you shouldn't be. I would just say, if you're not attached to your wife doing this rather than that, you is a happy husband. And if you are attached to your wife doing this over that, you is an unhappy husband. I'm not telling you, however, that you shouldn't be attached.

[79:29]

It's a wonderful teaching. It is one of the basic teachings. Attachment teaches you what misery is. And non-attachment teaches you what happiness is. So you got it. Patty. Say it louder, please. Very good point. Very good point.

[80:35]

So now I have something kind of a little bit subtle to say here. It is the case sometimes that if you grasp this perspective you get a lot of energy. Okay? And with that energy, you can, like, accomplish a great deal. Here comes the hard part. That's basically self-righteousness. And self-righteous people, which are sometimes, which is the strength of the right, the political, the religious right, they're self-righteous. They know what's right. And you get out of the way if you disagree. But there's tremendous energy in being sure that you're right and holding to your right position. There's a lot of energy in it, but it's a lot like cocaine. It keeps you going for a while, but then you burn it. And also, sometimes you do great harm not because of the thing you're working for, but because of the attachment which you

[81:39]

You use the attachment because you got a lot of power from that energy of attachment. But that energy is the energy of self-righteousness. And if somebody gets in your way, you'll blow them out of the water, which you may feel very happy about. But later, if they ever recover, they'll come and get you. So I've told this story over and over, so I'll try not to say it just the way I said it before, but basically, I had a value one time, and I attached to it. And the value was not a very big deal, but when I attached to it, I became, well, a charge formed on me. When you have a value and you hold on it, you become charged, or it becomes charged. So then when you talk to people, You don't notice it necessarily, but when you touch them, they get shocked because you pick up this charge.

[82:43]

And they get sometimes knocked out of the way by the charge. And you might think, I guess they got out of the way because I'm right. They don't even know what you said. All they know is like this tremendous force hit them because of this charge you have on this position. Now, if you're meditating and you calm down and let go of your, and you have all these values and flying all around, but you don't attach to them, they're still your values. You don't, like, values don't necessarily change. You might have some values for years, pretty much, they're pretty steady. Like, you might have this value. I think being kind is really cool. I think being gentle and harmless is really neat you might have that value and it might be a value that you live with day by day for a long time but then someday you might grab it and if and if you if you hadn't been grabbing it before and you've been practicing meditation in other words you've been giving yourself a chance to sit down and see how you felt you'd notice that you're calm when you weren't grasping your values and as soon as you grasp your value you notice that suddenly everything's very turbulent when you go from just thinking this is good

[84:05]

to being sure you're right, your mind becomes disturbed. And also, like I say, when you talk to other people, you're talking to them from a position of, if they don't agree with you, you're talking to them from a position of, I'm right, and you, unfortunately, are just plain wrong. And you've got a lot of energy in your rightness, and anybody who disagrees with you is in trouble. But you can work for it very harder then you would be able to work for it if you didn't grasp it. Now, the good news is that if you develop a consistency, and you're in this other class, right? If you develop consistency with this not grasping of discursive thought around your values, a discursive thought around your value is, well, actually the value that cruelty is not good... And kindness is good. That's almost a discursive thought. But anyway, it's also an event.

[85:06]

That value, without any discursive, without any engagement and further reinforcement of it, if you just live with that value and meet that value, without a fixed perspective, you calm down with that value and other values. And your mind becomes stable, relaxed, but also... which I'll get into, it should be buoyant and flexible and vivid. That mind is a mind which can work for a cause, a wholesome cause, very effectively, efficiently, energetically. And that mind doesn't get burned out. And that mind is not self-righteous. And that mind meets people who disagree with your values in an open way. and you can respect them even though they disagree with you, and they feel the respect of your gentle, buoyant, flexible, relaxed, and vivid mind.

[86:12]

And they're interested in you, and they want to hear about what you have to say, and you can tell them, and maybe they'll agree with you, or maybe they won't, but the point is, you won't hurt them, and you won't hurt yourself. But before we realize this quite workable and ready mind, which is calm and flexible, relaxed and bright, before we had that mind, we have a tendency to want to use this grasping to create energy of self-righteousness so that we can do something. So that's a real strong temptation, is to be self-righteous for the power and energy of self-righteousness, or self-assuredness that you're right. But in fact, it's not so much that we're right or wrong, but that we have a mind which naturally serves what is good. Not a mind which knows beforehand what will be good, but a mind which is ready to help whatever's good, as it's revealed.

[87:19]

In other words, we don't have a prejudice about what's right. We haven't decided before we arrive. Deciding beforehand creates turbulence in our mind, makes our mind rigid and painful and unclear and unfresh, unvivid, unconcentrated, tense, stressed and ill, but powerful. Some people, you know, are sick right up to the moment they die and they're a powerhouse the whole time. They're just like power, power, power. And then, you know, it's over. They never find health because they're always approaching everything they meet, they meet with a fixed perspective and overpower everybody they meet.

[88:24]

And they're never happy. They're always feeling ill. and they don't even notice it because they're so impressed by watching the people fly out of the way. It's 9 o'clock, so probably if you want to stop pretty soon, I would guess. But before you do, I want to just explain a couple of things. And that is... We'll alternate meetings like this with sitting and walking meditation. So sitting meditation, if you like your seat, you can sit in your seats or lie in your seats. And when we do the meditation, face outward. And then we do walking meditation. Many of the people in this inner circle can walk in here, inside here. The next circle can walk in there. The next circle walk there.

[89:27]

And the next circle walk there. We'll walk in clockwise circles. Okay? And maybe that row could, could you bring yours forward a little bit so, you know, your row a little bit closer in this way? Okay. Is that okay? So is that clear where the rows would be? So, for example, tomorrow morning at 6.30, we'll have a period of sitting meditation, and then there'll be a period of walking meditation. the beginning of the period of sitting meditation, we usually ring a bell three times. And then for walking meditation, we ring a bell twice. So then at that time, carefully stand up and walk in clockwise circles slowly. And after walking for a while, we ring the bell once. And that means walk more rapidly back to your seat. And when you get back to your seat, everybody face the center and bow together and sit down and face out again so we can alternate the sitting and walking that way. sitting walking sitting tomorrow morning so do like that sitting walking sitting and then we'll have a another talk at that time I'll I'll introduce the the calming what do you call it the holding the holding the healing meditation which is to make your mind ready to see first phase of

[90:56]

the dependent core rising of health, which is the dependent core rising enlightenment, by coincidence. And then we'll have discussion and maybe some more meditation up till 10. And then there's a brunch. And you have the schedule, right? And then the brunch takes about an hour, I guess. You have an hour to eat and then come back here. And then we'll, from 11 till 1, we'll have a combination of some, probably some discussion and some meditation. And then from 1 till 2, there's a break. Or if you wish, you could eat during the whole time. There'll be enough food out there so you could probably eat the whole time. That's a break of an hour and a half, I think. Or you could fast, or you can have, you know, do yoga or take a walk, a massage, or whatever you want.

[91:58]

And then 2.30 to 5, we have another session of some discussion and some sitting and walking. And then there's dinner, and then we have evening session, which will also probably be a combination of meditation and discussion. And on Sunday, I guess by that time you'll be able to figure out what the Sunday schedule is. Do you have that thing? Any questions about the schedule or anything?

[92:27]

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