As you have already heard, I started out by emphasizing or bringing up the issue of what's the most basic concern you have in your life or what is the most basic thing that you're involved with in this life, and how are you working with that. And practice period is a time to consider, look at that and get to know how that is. Both noticing what is most vital and important to you, and how do you work with that. How does your body and mind relate to what's most important.

[01:05]

Also in the process you may notice how your body and mind relate to what's not most important. This kind of awareness, I hope that we have already started and I actually hope that we continue this moment by moment throughout the whole practice period and throughout our whole life. Just sitting is an expression we use for this kind of awareness. Pure mindfulness is another expression for it.

[02:08]

We use the word just sitting sometimes loosely meaning even your attempt to be working on the most basic issues of your life. We also use the word just sitting for the actual realization of such work. And I also had in mind for this practice period to bring up various teachings about the nature of the mind, teachings about the process by which the world of illusion arises, and how

[03:24]

we get involved and believe in that process and the kinds of sufferings that are born through that process and how study of that process can be helpful and basically take us back to what I suggested in the first place, namely to realize directly what's the fundamental ground of your life. In one sense I talk about what I've been talking about first to set the ground and also as a warning, and now I say even further warning in that this kind of study that we might or might not get involved in can be an obstacle to the most important work of

[04:32]

our life. So, if I'm presenting material which stimulates your intellect and encourages intellectual inquiry, I want to warn you beforehand that this could be contradictory to our fundamental vows. On the other hand, if I don't present anything, as far as I know, some of you might just go right ahead and spend your time thinking anyway, but your thinking will be just sort of on your own. You won't be thinking about the teachings of these ancient masters, you'll just be thinking about your current productions, which is fine. To try not to study, to decide not to study the ancient teachings, would be similar to

[05:41]

try not to study what's going on in your mind moment by moment. Neither one of them would be actually the right idea. The right idea is, whether you're studying traditional teachings or whether you're studying your own mind, to have the right orientation. And the orientation of the ancestors, as I mentioned, is the orientation of just thinking about enlightenment. In the midst of whatever is going on, to always be thinking about enlightenment. But again, when I say that, the question is, what is the proper and appropriate way to think of it? If you think of it one way, you may become quite greedy and strain yourself and get sick and so on. There are many inappropriate approaches to this search.

[06:46]

But I even would say that if for some reason there are certain kinds of thinking that you just really, as soon as you start doing certain kinds of thinking, you may notice that in a sense you need to stop it, because you cannot continue your fundamental awareness that you're dedicated to when you think certain ways. So you just maybe have to get away from it, or somehow, if you can stop, stop, temporarily at least, until you can get your feet on the ground again and then approach the material with your feet on the ground. If that's the case in this kind of study that we're doing, like in these classes, and in other ways, if it bothers you, I think you can go sit in a Zen Dojo instead during this class time. You can judge that for yourself. It might happen, and I really feel okay about that.

[07:50]

So I'm literally or specifically thinking of studying a particular text written by one of our ancestors, Vasubandhu, and this text is about how consciousness evolves and creates a sense of self and other, and how in conjunction with that the sense of self is born, and how as soon as that sense of self is born all kinds of afflictions arise and misery arises, and all kinds of other details in that misery are put forth, and then there's a process discussing the nature of all these afflictions, and how the actual nature of these afflictions is liberation from them. That's a text that I'm thinking of studying, and this text will probably be in your face

[09:06]

now and then, like we might chant it during service and so on, but you don't have to be distracted by it, but if somehow you are, I'm sorry. You don't have to be distracted by the heart suture either, and if you are, I'm sorry. But even though what I'm talking about studying is, as I just described, a text dealing with the heart suture I described, I also say that, quoting the sixth ancestor, that Zen originally has nothing to do with, well I shouldn't say nothing to do with it, Zen is fundamentally or originally not concerned with mind, it's not about the mind. And it's not about the mind, and yet you may have heard that the point of Zen is to understand the mind. What it's about is not the mind, but Zen is concerned with the fundamental ground of the

[10:18]

mind. Zen is not concerned with any kinds of knowledge, Zen is concerned with the inherent knowledge, knowledge which is there no matter what kind of knowledge you have. Zen is concerned with what is inherent to all living beings, and what's inherent to all living beings and what's inherent to all minds is that all minds are ultimately liberated and peaceful and happy. This peacefulness, this inherent peacefulness and happiness which is permanent is the fundamental ground of impermanent, unpeaceful misery. So, I recommend the way of the Buddhist ancestors is to just be concerned with this fundamental

[11:21]

peace, happiness and liberation, just be concerned with that all the time, always be concentrating on that. No matter what you see, you know, no matter whether you see this person or that person no matter whether you feel pain or pleasure, now whether you're up or down, always be concentrating on one thing. Just concentrate on one thing, which you can call, you know, whatever, many things, nirvana, peace and happiness, same thing. It's also sometimes called the light. Just constantly think of light, not even the light, but just think of light, but again not light that's dependent on the sense organs, not that light, not the light that gets dimmer

[12:28]

when you turn these lights off or the light that gets brighter when the sun comes up, not the light that gets brighter when several golden Buddhas come in the room. There's a light like that. You know that light? I mean, you do, don't you? It's the light you see with your eyes and it does get brighter in the morning, have you noticed? That light, you can't concentrate on all the time because it goes away, but there's another light you can concentrate on all the time because it never goes and it never comes. It's just the Buddha's face, and Buddha's face also doesn't come or go, and Buddha's face, although it doesn't come and go, people's face come and go, but every face that ever comes is a kind of coagulation of this face which never comes or goes. Everybody's face is just congealed Buddha face, but because everybody's face is congealed

[13:34]

Buddha's face, because it's congealed it breaks up and changes. So we watch various faces come and go, some we're happy to see, some we're not so happy to see, or some we're happy to see if they look a certain way and when they look another way we're not happy to see. And we have these ups and downs depending on what the face is looking like or saying. The Bodhisattvas see these same faces, but no matter what face they see they always think of the same thing, no matter what face they see they always think of Bodhi, and the way to think about Bodhi is without putting Bodhi in any abiding form. And they think about something that they can't put in an abiding form, in other words they think of something ungraspable, in other words they have an ungraspable mind, which is the

[14:36]

mind which everybody, all beings have this ungraspable mind. So if you're working on this you can run into people, teachings, newspapers, and Buddhist scriptures and they won't throw you for a loop, and if you don't think about this everything will throw you for a loop, in different ways, depending basically on how you grab it, depending on what you think of it. So, in one sense again we could spend the whole practice just concentrating on this one point, and I think there's some merit in that, but I'm also exploring the possibility of bringing up some color. And if there's something else you want to pay attention to during this practice period

[15:44]

other than the fundamental, inherent, all-pervasive peace and happiness, there's something else you'd like to work on and if you don't want to pay attention to that, you are welcome to, you're welcome to do that, and you don't have to necessarily stand up in front of everybody and say what it is, because you may think that you'll be ostracized, and you might be, I don't know. For somebody who's working on that, it might feel like to have anybody in this community who's not is a threat, but you're entitled to not want to concentrate on one thing if you want not to. I was talking to someone who recently left Tassajara, and that's not why she left, but she was talking about, you know, why do we sit so much, why do we have to concentrate

[16:48]

on that so much, and she said, if I was going to design a schedule I would have chanting and sutra reading and bowing and sitting and serving and all these wonderful activities, which we actually do have. I think she would have more bowing and a little less sitting, like maybe 20 minutes of sitting, and maybe 40 minutes of bowing and 80 minutes of serving and 90 minutes of chanting, and I don't know what the exact thing was, and I said, well that would be fine, but as far as I can tell, all the realized beings have concentrated on one thing and have been thorough about that. I know of no stories of people who have not entered the way by thoroughly concentrating on one thing. Once you realize thoroughness, once you realize the ground, then you can do whatever, and

[17:52]

you can like sprout 15 heads and 10,000 eyes in each and do all kinds of fancy stuff and everything will be totally in accord with one thing, because it will all come from one thing and you'll understand that. But before you reach this ground, it may be that if you do two things or three, that you won't be able to be thorough on three, but that doesn't mean that you don't do all these different things, because we do, it just means that whatever you're doing, you're always doing one thing, you understand that, that's your commitment. But again, if you don't make that commitment, you say, I'm going to actually go the path of doing six things and I'm not going to be thorough at any of them, I'm going to try that, that's what I'd like to try, may I be allowed, the answer is yes, at this point anyway. Bodhidharma would not have said yes, Bodhidharma would have said, you know, go down the street

[18:56]

Bodhidharma said, set absolutely everything aside and just concentrate on one thing. So that's what he did, he wouldn't face the wall for nine years, not because you have to sit and face the wall for nine years, but because you have to do one thing for nine years, or ninety years, or a million years, or for one second. One second is long enough, if you go all the way. Nine is a symbol for all the way, you know, it's all the way with a dent in it, ten is kind of all the way, right? But not to be too rigid about what all the way means in terms of a number, we say nine years, it means all the way. So no matter what's happening, each moment is your job and my job to be completely thorough about what's happening right now. In that state we study Buddhist scriptures and in that state we study everyday life,

[20:07]

and that state we can learn best. But you can also learn from being half-hearted, or third-hearted, or ninety percent hearted. You can learn in other situations, because you can learn by mistakes. You can learn that you can learn how inefficient that is, how much trouble you get in from that and all that kind of thing, you can learn from that. But to actually realize yourself you have to go a hundred percent, you can't hold back, because that's the kind of thing we are. Everybody is one hundred percent who they are, nobody is a little bit like they are, nobody. And that's difficult for people, there's some people, you know, you may know, who you wish they were a little less the way they are, it's very difficult that they're just exactly that way. They also would probably sometimes wish that they could be somebody else, or a little bit

[21:09]

less like themselves, and you wouldn't be able to find them, and we try that. So, this kind of like, ungraspable, innate, awakened nature of all beings, that's what that's something which each one of us will, for the rest of our lives, try to develop the appropriate relationship with. I mean, again, I'm not trying to talk anybody into anything, but I am trying to encourage

[22:09]

you, I'm trying to encourage you, I'm trying to give you the courage to do what I think you want to do. But not so much what I think you want to do, but I'm just encouraging you to do what you want to do. So the appropriate relationship with your true nature is characterized, we call it, we say it's the middle way, the middle way is the appropriate relationship with your true nature. We also say, don't turn away and don't touch, or don't identify, like if I say our inherent nature is peace and happiness, then when you hear that, then don't identify with that, but also don't isolate yourself from it. What's the dance you do with that?

[23:11]

That's what we're all struggling with right now, or not struggling with. We're stepping on our feet or we're smoothly dancing now. So, working on this is deepening faith, getting more fluent in your faith. So again, and again I will mention this because this is the context in which the appropriate study will occur. So, when you're sitting, if we're studying a text here or if you're studying a koan, a Zen story or whatever, you don't necessarily go in the Zen do and think of some phrase of the teaching. You don't necessarily think of a Zen story. Some people think that's the way you do it, that you take a Zen story and you meditate on it. You go sit down and you draw the story up to your mind, and in fact, Zen students do

[24:21]

do that. I mean, they sit down and they draw a Zen story up into their mind, they try to remember now what story am I working on, and they do that. Or they try to remember, what am I meditating on? Oh yeah, my breath, so they try to draw their breath to mind. Or what am I meditating on? Oh, I'm studying myself, so they draw their self to their mind. People practice that way, you've heard about that probably, right? Which is fine as a kind of expedient, but this is not dealing directly with the fundamental because these Zen stories and your breath and so on are just, you know, objects. The way to approach the fundamental is set everything aside but the fundamental, including set aside what you think the fundamental is. To set actually everything aside and deal directly with what's happening.

[25:23]

Including setting aside what you think is happening, it doesn't mean pushing it away, it means set it aside. So if you want to go into a meditation period and you want to bring up something, you can do that, it is what he calls, this is not a fascist state, really, I want to say that over and over. You can think about whatever you think about, because in fact, I mean, I tried to control myself for a while and I told you before, I managed to actually get myself under control at one point, for some period of time, and I realized once I was under control that that's not why I came to study Zen, it was not peace and happiness, however, I was under control. I mean, I got my mind to focus on what I decided my mind to be focused on, and I completely did that without any variation, that's what I mean, but I found that to be an oppressive

[26:32]

situation with no humor and just unpleasant, not just unpleasant, but just, you know, brutal. And I had to be brutal to get myself there, I had to say to myself, no, I'm not kidding, if you don't concentrate on this, there are going to be consequences, and I'll give you a few examples. I gave myself examples, I'm not going to give you examples, but they were ugly, but it wasn't actually, they weren't as ugly as what I really felt I was going to do, they were nothing compared to what I really would feel, and there was a specter of something much more heavy that would come down on me. So I came into line, but once I was in line, I didn't like it, so I gave up that kind of practice 25 years ago, it was right here that I was successful, then I tried to do it to other people, I even tried to do it to people I ordained as priests, but I never

[27:40]

did get any of them under control. So now I've given up trying to get myself under control, and when I was given a chance to get other people under control, I tried, so I thought well maybe if I can't get myself under control, maybe it would be appropriate to get them under control, even though what I wanted to do was get them under control to be like me, not trying to get themselves under control, still, they wouldn't even do that, so I gave that up too, and I don't try to get them to get themselves under control either, what I try to do is to try to find out what's going on, what are they actually, and that seems to be possible to study, because in fact they're doing that, they are who they are, so that's actually reality. It's a lot of work to keep up with things, but basically you're not fighting the situation, so it's okay. So again, when you're sitting, I think the way I feel it's better to work with material

[28:52]

is not to like bring it in the front door, but just to sit, just sit. If you're working on a koan, if you say you're working on a koan, maybe when you sit the koan will pop up in your face and say, Hi Moo, or it may happen, or the koan may pop up and say, guess what, we're not working on me today. You don't know what it'll do, the point is you will be taught by the thing you're working on. If you're reading the Heart Sutra every morning or every three weeks you read the Heart Sutra or somebody comes up to you and whispers the Heart Sutra in your ear now and then, if you're sitting, setting everything aside but enlightenment and that's all you think about in a non-conceptual way you think about it, then anything can come up and even a Zen story that you happen

[29:53]

to be working on or even a scripture that you happen to be memorizing, they can come up. But oftentimes what's more helpful is when something that's not the scripture comes up and you realize that that's actually the scripture, that's revealed to you that the Tenzo talking kind of loudly during the mid-morning Zazen that that noise that you shouldn't be hearing that actually is the Heart Sutra. You understand finally. You understand it because you're thinking of the light, that's all you ever think about and then anything can teach you. In other words, thinking about the light made you forgotten about yourself. So everything that happens can wake you up. Even Vasubandhu's 30 verses, Karika's 17.

[30:57]

So it's in this context that I want to offer any kind of teaching, not just this kind of rather technical, philosophical, and psychological thing, but anything I hope is offered to your mind in which you have created this just sitting mind, that you're always practicing just sitting and then you see what comes up. And let me just say a couple of things more. One is that another way to talk about what the proper relationship to this inherent fundamental nature is, the proper relationship with it, well I already mentioned several things, right? The middle way is the proper relationship, not identifying and not turning away, but another way to talk about it is intimacy.

[32:08]

The proper relationship is intimacy. Intimacy is you're close, but you're not identifying or smothering. You're close to it, but not smothering. In case 20 of the Book of Serenity, you know that Fa Yen comes to talk to Di Tsan, he says, Di Tsan says, where are you going? He says, I'm going on pilgrimage. Guess where he's going on pilgrimage? Huh? He's going to the Zen Dojo, he's going to his inherent nature. Pilgrimages go to your true self, that's where they're supposed to wind up, right? These Bodhisattvas are seeking enlightenment, their pilgrimages are always going to supreme enlightenment. Okay? That's where he's going. So, Di Tsan says to Fa Yen, what's the purpose of going on pilgrimage?

[33:13]

What's the purpose of going towards and approaching supreme enlightenment? And he said, I don't know. And Di Tsan said, not knowing is most intimate. But that word for intimate, which is also in Cleary's translation, is translated as near. Near. He says, not knowing is most near, or nearest. But the character is Shinsetsu. Shinsetsu means kind, also. It means kind, in ordinary Japanese. It is the kindness of a parent towards a child. It's not the oppressiveness of a parent towards a child, it's the kindness of a parent towards a child. Very close, almost the same. But some parents are very close, almost the same with their children, and they smother

[34:17]

their children to death. They won't let their children move. They won't let their children get away. This is called closeness, but this is not kindness. So, how do you be very close to something like a parent and a child, like a mother and a child, so close, almost the same thing, and give it space to run around and spit in your eye, to do projectile vomits in your face? That's the same way you should be on this pilgrimage. How do you take care of your children? I don't know. How do you take care of enlightenment? I don't know. This, I don't know, is an example of how you take care of the baby. This baby is not a baby that's dependent on you, exactly. It's your true nature. In case 98 of the Book of Serenity, somebody asked, Dungsang, among the three bodies of Buddha, which one doesn't fall into any category?

[35:19]

Which one can't you get a hold of? Among the Dharmakaya-Vairajyana Buddha, among the Sambhogakaya-Lochana Buddha, among the Nirmanakaya Buddha, which one of those Buddha bodies doesn't fall into any category? It's totally ineffable. And he says, I'm always close to this. Our ancestors were always close to this. Do you know what this is? I don't know. What is the purpose of being close to this? I don't know. What is the point of taking care of children? I don't know. Do you want to take care of children? That's all I ever do. I'm always taking care of my baby. Never think of anything but. What's the purpose? I don't know. But if you identify with your baby, it's not good for your baby's health. If you walk away from your baby, it's not good for your baby's health. How do you stay close?

[36:21]

Okay? This is your work. If you want to be a Bodhisattva, or if you want to carry on the work of the Buddhas and ancestors, this is the work that they did, as far as I can tell. Of course, they fell on their face sometimes. But we don't emphasize that part, except to let you know that they did that. And they had confession practice, which they were doing all the time. They're always confessing. Whoops, slipped. Let me get back on the job. Whoops. I made a mistake. I was too tight with the baby. Whoops. I was lazy. I was distracted. I spaced out. The baby fell off the counter. But the fundamental intention is not that the baby get hurt. The fundamental intention is to take care of the baby, help it grow into a great, huge Buddha, and be a happy, beneficent being in the world. What's the proper relationship? This you need to work on, and your Zazen all the time.

[37:26]

Then, in that context, I offer you teachings, basically, about how you get distracted. These teachings aren't what's distracting you. What's distracting you is you get distracted. You lose track of what you're supposed to be doing. You fall on your face. You space out. You hold too tight. That's how you get distracted. But the teachings I'm offering are about that process of distraction and why it's almost inevitable. Inevitable. So take care of yourself all the time, please, and then I won't bother you. And neither will Vasubandhu, or Asanga, or Nagarjuna. Then they can help you, and then you can understand why they said those strange things. Now, do you want to ask some questions? I was wondering, when you said to think in a non-conceptual way of governmental concern,

[38:37]

would that be basically dedicating everything you're doing to that? Would that be a way of not thinking about it? Because you also said, let me do at least half of things. I'm still trying to do one thing. The spirit of just doing one thing, in fact, if you actually try it, it has to be non-conceptual because if it's depending on anything, you're not doing it. So, yeah. Or, like, that's one way to do it. Another way to do it is to set everything aside but this. Including this. Another way to do it, as Bodhidharma says, is outwardly, you know, don't activate your mind around objects. Inwardly, no coughing or sighing in the mind. Another way it's said, as Buddha said, train yourself thus.

[39:40]

In the heard, let there just be the heard. In the seen, let there just be the seen. In the cognized, let there just be the cognized. In the imagined, let there just be the imagined. In other words, set everything aside. Not to set everything aside, like, except for what's happening. There's something happening. You don't mess with that. Not messing with it is setting everything aside. You just let what's happening happen and you set everything else aside. You set aside past and future, right and wrong, everything. You just let what's happening be what's happening. When you're walking, you just walk. When you're sitting, you just sit. But if when you're sitting you just sit, in fact, you just set yourself aside. There's nothing, you didn't do anything for or against yourself by letting things be the way they are. But that just happens to drop yourself. That just happens to drop conception.

[40:47]

It doesn't drop conception like conception isn't happening. It drops conception like you don't try to get rid of it. You don't try to elaborate it. You just let what's happening be what's happening. Then, automatically, you're not identifying or separating from the thing. One of our ancestors, you know, what's his name, Sagan Gyoshi. Gyoshi means walking and thinking. Or walking thinking, or walking thinking. Walking thinking, they named him that because wherever he was walking he was always thinking about Bodhi. But the way you think about Bodhi when you're walking is you just walk. He was always thinking about it. Walking also means practicing, or going forward in practice. He was always practicing thinking of Buddha. That's non-conceptual.

[41:50]

You can make that into a conception, but then you know that's not it, right? Or if you don't know, check it out with somebody like me, and I'll tell you that's not what we mean. And you'll be able to use that. So right now I'm talking to you, I'm whipping around in the realm of conception very nicely, just like you are, I suppose. If anybody's not, that's fine too. But that's also whipping around in the realm of conception. Not being in the realm of conception is in the realm of conception. Non-conceptual means you just let whatever conceptions be the conception. When imagination is just imagination, when conception is just conception, that's non-conception. That's non-conceptual practice. That's selfless practice. Yes? What you're describing, it seems to me,

[42:52]

creates a little concentration and awareness. To walk always thinking of Buddha. Yeah, infinite. The literature suggests that our ancestors have often done a lot of work on developing their concentration and their awareness. Well, putting aside the ancestors, it seems to me that... They have done a lot of work on that, yes. It would be real, it is very hard for me. It is what you're describing. It is hard. ...without doing work on developing concentration and developing awareness. That is going immediately to just thinking of the fundamental. I tend to very quickly get lost in when dinner is,

[43:57]

or a cabaret that I put on. Can you hear him okay? And one way of understanding what you said, and I don't know if it's to ask or acknowledge, don't bother to try and develop, to train your mind, but just go right to... Right to it. Right to it. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. However, if you can't, okay? He said, how about some mind training? Okay? So, in a sense, mind training... When you say mind training, that means that in some sense, maybe you understand that the mind that goes directly to the source,

[44:58]

directly to the fundamental, is a trained mind. Okay? But it's trained not like beaten down and under control. It's a mind which in fact is in harmony with the inherent nature. Namely, it's completely focused, because it just thinks of one thing, and no matter what's happening, it never gets fooled, and always knows it's the same thing that's being presented. And it's also infinitely flexible, because no matter what's presented, it remembers, oh, this is a mystery. Oh, this is a mystery. This is a mystery. Not, that's Sala who's being that way, and that's Jane who's being that way. This is the mystery right now. It remembers that. It never forgets that what's always being presented to you is the fundamental. It also doesn't deny that there's a particular phenomenon being presented. So it's flexible, and it's totally concentrated. And isn't it hard to get there? Yes, it is hard. And maybe there should be some training to get there,

[46:00]

some other practices to get there? Yes. However, I still want you to, as much as possible, don't get distracted by the training. As much as possible, remember the training is not the ultimate practice that you're being trained for. Okay? So if I give you training now, like from this text, where you actually, by studying the text, you're going to train your mind by seeing how untrained your mind is. The text is the process for creating an untrained mind. That's what the text is about. It's a discussion of how it helps to give you some light into the untrained, wild... I don't know if Tom's next? Does anybody else have their hand up? Okay, then maybe it's you. The precepts and focusing on keeping the precepts, is that part of the training? Yes. Meditating on the precepts is a form of training.

[47:04]

Pardon? Is it something to let go of at some point? Well, everything is meant... all things are meant to be let go of as soon as possible. But again, what does let go of mean? Let go of is the middle way understanding of letting go of. Letting go of doesn't mean you abandon. Like Zen, a let's go of intellectual study. And one of the ways you can let go of intellectual study is to study intellectually. One of the ways to prove that you let go of it is to pick up the books and read them, and then when the bell rings at the end of study, close your book. You've just proved, perhaps you just proved, unless you're just showing off, that you were studying, but that you've let go of it. Particularly if you're reading something which was very enlightening. Close it and drop it. And don't drop it when you're ready to drop it.

[48:09]

Like, okay, now I'm going to prove that I'm not distracted by this intellectual study. You don't get to choose. You do it when the bell rings. Of course, you could try to get rid of it now. The bell's almost coming now. Kind of like withdraw from the text. Just develop some detachment here, and then when the bell rings, I'll close the book right at that time, and I'll really feel like I can let go of it. Did you read that book, Zen and the Art of Archery? The first Zen and the Art of? The archery teacher said, pull the bowstring and hold it until the string is released. Just hold it until the string is released. Don't release it. He said it would be like the string will go through your fingers. And this guy did it for days and weeks and months, I don't know, years, and it never got released. So he developed this technique of, without really releasing it, he would just hold it a little less strongly. And then he would hold it half as strong as that.

[49:12]

In that way, he would get to this place where he wouldn't be holding it anymore, and it would go, it would just be released, without him actually letting go. And he did that, you know, he developed that, and finally the string went. And the teacher said, as soon as the string went, the teacher said, out. That was the end of his training. He was kicked out. No arrows? The arrow went, you know, someplace, I don't know. So that's not how you do it. You do it much more simply than that, actually. You just do it. You just let go without letting go. You seek something without making it into an object, because when you think of enlightenment, and you say, okay, I heard that enlightenment all these Buddhas are thinking about,

[50:12]

you put it out there, and you can put it out there, but when your mind starts jumping around, and you can tell when you get kind of, there's some charge on it, and your mind's kind of getting active out there, then Bodhidharma says, no. Don't activate the mind. There's an object out there, but there's no activity out there. There's no charge on it. It's not really separate. In other words, you set aside all objects. All these objects are set aside. But what does set aside mean? It's that kind of like a child, you know? It's that kindness. Kindness means she's not what I think she is, and she's not the opposite of what I think she is. She's a mystery. I don't know. You stay close. You study. The same with the precepts. You're always thinking of not killing. You're always thinking of not killing. It seems like an object, but no. You don't make not killing an object. You set aside all objects.

[51:13]

Not killing is like the light. The light that you're concentrating all the time is not killing. That's the light. That's one of the names for the light. Okay? But you don't like put the not killing out there and then get your mind all kind of like activated around it. All that that means is not killing. What is not killing? Huh? Without activating your mind, what is not killing? Not killing is not killing. That's it. That's all it is. What's walking? That's all. Now, you can still say that, either one of those, and still, you know, your mind could be activated. But basically, when something's happening, when some kind of, like, conceptual thing's happening, and it's just the conception, then you can't imagine it being anything else than that. You're totally, like, totally stupid when it comes to that thing

[52:14]

because that's what your mind has created and you can't imagine it being anything else. In fact, you can't. If you could, we'd be thinking of something else. Putting aside objects means really leaving things alone. So, if the precept of not killing... You should think about that all the time. Buddhas are always... Thinking about Buddha means thinking about not killing. But to think about not killing, you just think about that, that's it. You don't expect any other result. You don't expect, well, not killing, then this, not killing, then that, if killing, then this, if killing, then... That's true. It's true, though, if not killing, then that, and if not... If killing, if killing, then there will be that. That's true. Buddha taught that. If there's killing, then there's going to be trouble. He taught that. No killing, there won't be trouble. But the precept of not killing is not thinking like that. The precept of not killing is just the precept of not killing. And that's it. And you don't get anything out of it but not killing. All you get out of it is not killing. Now, of course,

[53:16]

people want to get more out of it than that, which is fine, and you will. If you practice not killing, you'll get something good. But that's not Buddhism. That's good karma. The fundamental is that not killing is not killing. And you can't get anything out of Tom Lomax. Again, I say, if you disagree with me, you're welcome here, too. If you think you can get something out of him, you're welcome here. You can do that. It's okay. Because, you know, there are such thoughts. There are such conceptions. I know what I can get out of him. We have thoughts like that. That's okay. But just let that thought be that thought. And don't think it's true or false or right or wrong. Just let yourself admit

[54:18]

you think that. That's it. Now, that thought itself, just being itself, is what we mean in that case. In that case, that's what it means to think of Buddha. Because that's what Buddhas think of. They always think of what they're thinking of. They don't ever think of anything else. They never think of anything else than what they're thinking. But people think of what they're thinking, but they activate their mind around what they're thinking. They imagine they could think something other than what they're thinking. That's called activating the mind. That's called not setting everything aside and just focusing on one thing. Because the one thing is that all the time, no matter what's happening, that's it. You always are doing that. In fact, that is your inherent activity. And your knowledge could not be anywhere else. And everybody's got it. But it's hard. It's hard because it means you have to give up everything else but this.

[55:19]

That's what faith comes in. Because faith is that this really is your ultimate concern and therefore you're willing to pay the price. At least this moment I'm willing to pay the price of setting everything else aside. Do you want your baby or do you want your baby's happiness? Some people, you know, actually their highest priority is to have their baby, not their baby's happiness. That's their priority. That's where they're at. Okay. Then hold on to her. Don't let her go. That's right. They don't necessarily know. It's a very big one. It's a very big one. Very big. And that's why it's hard for people to learn what's actually helpful to themselves and their babies. This is hard to learn. Because we have a strong habit a very strong habit

[56:22]

called self-cleaning. It's a big one. That's why this practice is hard. But I have to bring up the fundamental thing. I feel I have to do it. Sorry. Because this is a Zen center, right? Roberto and then Mark. If in practicing such that the moment that I'm doing just that one thing without actually being aware of it. I'm just walking. I'm just sitting. But at the point where I become aware that that's the only thing that I'm that I was doing. I guess I'm not doing it anymore once I become aware of it. Well, you know, when you said you were doing anything without awareness I would work on the language there with you. Okay? And say it's not that you're doing anything without awareness.

[57:24]

The thing you're doing is in fact your awareness at that time. If you're walking, I mean, if you're walking, that's what you are aware of that. So completely that I'm not identifying with it. Like you said, I'm not touching it. Okay. Okay, fine. Then what? And then it seems that in order to differentiate when I follow my faith and when I'm just dusted it's kind of a how do I know if I'm on my faith? When you're practicing when you're practicing suchness you don't need to differentiate anymore. The differentiation is already done when you're practicing justice. Every moment differentiation is being done. The mind is constantly differentiating. You don't have to worry about that. That's taken care of. The question is are you completely settled on this on this completely settled on this differentiating discriminating mind? If you are you're practicing suchness

[58:27]

and you're liberated from it. If you if you then turn around and discriminate whether you were doing it or not then you're not practicing suchness anymore. You're just discriminating. However, if you're aware that you've just discriminated then you're practicing suchness again. But you did make a little boo-boo there in a sense which you're happy to admit because you get suchness credit for admitting mistakes. Because there was a mistake. I mean, that's what you thought. If you don't think it's a mistake what do you think it was? Well, you think it's either a mistake or not a mistake because if you're discriminating you're going to put in one of those two camps. Either one you put it in you're discriminating but in one case you're right in the other case you're wrong. So people are going around with saying I'm right or wrong. People go around and say I'm wrong or right. People who don't do either

[59:27]

and just are the way they are they're neither right or wrong. They don't need to be anymore. They've realized their nature. With no mind. With no mind. So when you make a mistake and you know you're right that gets you back on the path. If you make a mistake or don't make a mistake whatever and you say the other you're doing something that's completely unnecessary. If you're not mistaken you don't have to say so. When you're not mistaken you just be quiet and peaceful and happy. That's all you want. When you're quiet, peaceful, happy you don't need to be right anymore. That's one of the things you're relieved of. You don't have that burden anymore. Ever had that happen to you where you kind of like like today you know I ran to the top of the hill when I got to the top I I really wasn't into being right or wrong. I was just alive you know

[60:31]

and that was just a that was plenty. I was also very close to being dead. Laughter That's why. That's why life was enough. You know it really was. I was, that was enough. Believe me. But I wasn't right and I wasn't wrong. I didn't, I didn't even accomplish anything. I was just totally wasted. Laughter And I couldn't be any other way. I didn't have, I couldn't that was it. I was stuck. And then, Mark. Mark.

[61:35]

Let's see. Do you want me to tell you or do you want to tell me? I mean you brought it up for some reason so I thought maybe you saw some association there that No, I think I brought it up for some reason. Okay. I think well you know one way to put it is that that enlightenment you know that you know really being intimate with the fundamental means that you don't get stuck in enlightenment. And especially you don't get stuck in the you know supreme enlightenment. That you just walk right through that too. That you completely dedicate yourself to one thing and when you realize it you forgot.

[62:38]

So the radiance the radiant light that you've been meditating on for years and totally concentrating on for years with great difficulty and struggling and making lots of mistakes when you finally realize it it's obscured. What's still there? Well it's it's not that kind of thing that's that's there and not there you know. It's free. It's free of being there and not there. Which means it can be there. So again enlightenment is completely free and because it's completely free it's all pervasive and completely inhabits and penetrates every state. Which is part of the reason

[63:46]

why you don't have to like control things. You don't have to control them plus if you do control them it shows you don't have faith in that particular thing. It shows you think things need to be manipulated in order to be okay. And most of us do have that habit very strongly. Which is fine. Which is that's the hazy that's the haziness that you've got all around your enlightenment. So without fixing up that haziness without stopping being a person who thinks we have to fix things up for them to be okay right there with all that haziness and confusion and habits powerful habits all around there it is. So the hazy moon of enlightenment very much is the one you've got now. Rather than this radiant sun blasting totally clear enlightenment that doesn't sound like the one you've got now does it? And if it does okay that's alright. Okay. You're welcome too. We've eliminated most people

[64:49]

like that from Zen Center over the years. This is not Soto Zen. Go you know see if you can find some other center. But the problem is although we have people a lot of people have hazy moon enlightenment not too many have real confidence in it. And that's the characteristic of hazy moon enlightenment is it's all obscured and kind of like oh no this couldn't be it that's the haze which shows you don't really have deep faith because you don't just cut through that that little devil in you who says no no there's something more important and interesting than this so you cut through that and you've already cut through this kind of like pure bliss clarity enlightenment

[65:50]

you've already accomplished that so all you've got to do is not cut through this this garbage and you'll be set unless you happen to slip into clarity then you have to like cut through that too. And I'm not saying that I personally can help you free yourself from any kind of spiritual sickness you know spiritual sickness means any kind of attainment you have that you can't let go of I mean I don't know if I can help you but I can certainly you know be disgusting I mean I've never so far I haven't seen any awakening that I can't be disgusted by well you know

[66:52]

I guess the potion I'm selling is my own kindness for anybody in that state you know that I really I would really you know truly feel sorry for them and I mean it's give my wholehearted attention to try to help them become free free of this great attainment because there's nothing more dangerous and hard and hard to get free of because it's so great I guess the potion is true kindness which would be born in my heart if I saw somebody in that state and I occasionally do run into people like that and I do naturally it's in some ways easier to feel compassion for them than the people who are you know believe that they're all you know bums sometimes I get more impatient with that when people insult themselves I mean they're talking about a friend of mine often you know anything else

[67:59]

tonight so I'm warming up to this this text and little by little you may notice it's sort of on airwaves here and we'll see what you do about it there's pieces of paper kind of being assembled books are being bought lecture notes are being taken out of file folders but I am sincere when I say if somehow you don't want to get into this other than just sort of like what you have to hear during service occasionally I think it's ok if you just want to go sit in a Zen dome and I think that might be ok but I would like you maybe to tell me you know what you're what you're you know

[68:59]

how you're thinking about it I wouldn't necessarily want you to just go up and go to sleep up there with more spacious accommodations but if you told me well I'd just like I'd just like to go up there and work on the fundamental and that's very clear to me and go directly towards it I don't need any mind taming I mean you don't have to say that but I mean something like that I would be I would be awestruck and that would probably be ok but just not liking the class isn't quite enough you'd have to have some kind of like beneficial alternative that you recommend what did they say 10,000 sages don't understand this class this is a this is as mysterious

[70:01]

as anything else I think maybe not maybe this is the only thing that's not mysterious I don't it's possible that's the thing about mysteries is sometimes they just get really unmysterious and get to be like well that's just it that's just the way it is it's not mysterious once in a while that has to happen I suppose nothing else tonight

[70:30]

@Text_v004
@Score_JJ