I'm having trouble deciding which approach to present, so I thought I might tell you the two approaches that I'm trying to choose between. One approach is to present the essence of the practice and then later explain the context, which includes the preparation. The other way is to tell you the preparation and then to ask you if there's anything else needed and then you might say that you don't know or yes there is and then we would go to the essence. As I said in Zazen the other day, we must learn to sit still in the middle of activity

[01:22]

and we must learn to be vividly alive in the midst of sitting still. Those are, in a sense, two different approaches. I've been talking to you about putting other people, the welfare of others, first in your mind and heart. We are Zen bodhisattvas working for the welfare, the ultimate welfare, the complete enlightenment of all and other living beings, including ourselves. So what's Zazen got to do with that? It's living your life, always looking to other people and trying to find their excellent

[02:39]

qualities and appreciating and respecting them and searching for what you can do to aid them in their life. What more is there than that? Or really nothing, that's enough. However, people get confused right in the middle of doing that. You see a person and, well let's say you see a person and they look kind of ugly, but then you look more closely and you see, hey, there's something kind of cute about her. Or you get close to somebody and they don't smell too good, but you sniff a little longer and you find there's a kind of subtle, beautiful fragrance in the middle of that odor that you didn't like at first. Or somebody says something, you don't like it too much, but you think about it more and

[03:40]

you realize it really is really sincere what they're trying to say. Or someone does something nasty and you look more carefully and you find out that somebody's got a knife in their back, and really if you were in their shoes you wouldn't do as well. So you really respect them. So, with people that you don't like, or people that you easily like, you try to help them, and that's no problem in that, but in the process sometimes you get entangled. Sometimes you even fall in love with them, and marry them and have kids and hate them. And you want to get a divorce. Even though originally you just wanted to help, you just thought they were great. I read this book called In Kinship With All Life, it's a book about how to see in animals

[04:50]

excellent qualities and how to relate to them as equally meaningful expressions of suchness. All living beings express suchness very beautifully. And there was this one Indian chief who was talked about there, and his people were very good at riding horses without a saddle or without a bridle or a blanket. And they could ride fast and change directions, and they stayed with the horse, they had such an excellent relationship with the horse. And this person asked this chief, how do you learn how to do that? How can you ride horses like that? The first time he asked, the chief sat for an hour and didn't say anything, then after

[06:02]

one hour he said, that's a good question. And then after another long silence, the questioner found out that that's all he was going to get. But then, after some time later, the chief asked him why he was interested in how they ride, how his people ride horses, and he explained. And then the chief said, well, really you can't ever know because you have to be born an Indian and grow up with horses as your brothers in order to really know how to do this. But I'll show you a little bit how we learn to ride horses, how we develop our relationships with these animals, and you can figure out what you can figure out. So the chief went like this, and then like this, and then like this, and then like this,

[07:14]

and then like this. So that's pretty good instruction for bodhisattva activity. Self and other, or whatever. Okay, does that make sense? However, this is not so bad. I mean, not so bad, what I mean by not so bad, this part is pretty, not easy, but it's pretty clear. Just direct meeting with another being. That's good. But that isn't enough, you have to go like this. And when you go in this part, things get complicated. And sometimes you just stay here forever.

[08:19]

And you never can finally go like this. So the first there's two, then there's kind of like one, okay? But that's not really one, it's two meeting. There's still a meeting, okay? This is not one yet, because there's still a surface there between the two. There's still two, even though they're very close. Still two. This is pretty intimate. But for complete intimacy, you have to go like this. And some people never get out of there. But if you can get in there, and stay clear through this part, then you can do this. Out of this entanglement, the two of you can do this. This is your mutual understanding of the Dharma. And then you can ride horses, and dance, sing duets, practice together.

[09:26]

Out of a oneness that came out of this entanglement, where you can't even, you couldn't tell anymore who is who. This is intimacy between two people, but this is also the same for your own sense organs. You know, organ and object, or organ and field, subject and object. Sometimes they say, you know, there's this expression in case 98 of the Shoryo Roku, where it's called, always close. Dongshan's always close. It's about intimacy between people, but it's also about intimacy between living beings and the truth body of Buddha. And there's a verse there that says, okay, see this, closeness here? This closeness is heart-rending if you seek it outside.

[10:32]

So when you meet, if one side thinks this closeness is outside itself, this closeness is actually very painful. And then it says, why is it that the ultimate familiarity seems like enmity? Does everybody know what enmity means? This is maybe pretty friendly here. And the funny thing is, as you get closer, and you get right here, and you get as familiar as you can, it's almost like a war. So you have to go like this. When you do like this, it's not even familiar anymore. You don't know who's who. So out of this entanglement, it's possible. Out of this entanglement, this one understanding arises.

[11:38]

The Bodhisattva has to meet beings. He has to say, okay, I'm going to go to the beings. And as I approach them, I approach them with respect, and I look for what about them I can respect, look for something really wonderful there, and meet them. Bring my best, and try to bring out their, encourage their best. This is the meeting. Approaching the meeting. And then we have to stay in there. And we get more intimate than that even. But in here, nobody knows what's going on. And we need some standard. And here's where zazen comes. We need zazen in the midst of this entanglement. If you're not connected to people,

[12:43]

you're doing zazen over here by yourself, that's pretty nice. But it's not really bodhisattva zazen, it's just an idea of zazen. Zazen is done in here. In the midst of this meeting yourself, and meeting other living beings, totally meshed, in your life with yourself, or your life with another. In the midst of that, there is something very clear and very essential. We call it zazen. In the middle of all of Buddha's confusion and entanglement with living beings, there is this one essential standard. So this approach is to show you the bodhisattva vow, to show you why we need zazen.

[13:43]

Do you see? I'm proposing that's why we need zazen. Or, the other approach is, you have zazen. Zazen is really the essence of Buddhism. And then when you start to practice zazen, you realize that just you practicing zazen won't work. You need all living beings to help you. So you have to get entangled with them. And you get entangled with them pretty much one at a time. So now, I'd like to, if you'll let me, I want to say the same thing over. I want to read, particularly from Dogen Zenji,

[14:45]

I want to say the same things over, and let this sort of wash over you, so that you are very clear from the beginning of the practice period about this message. Is that all right? I know you've all heard it many times before. All the Buddha Tathagatas who directly transmit the inconceivable Dharma and actualize the supreme perfect enlightenment have a wondrous way, unsurpassed and unparalleled, and unconditioned. Only Buddhas transmit it to Buddhas without veering off. The self-fulfilling samadhi is its standard.

[15:56]

Sitting upright, practicing Zen, is the authentic gate to the unconfined realm of this self-fulfillment samadhi. So this great way transmitted by the Buddhas, its standard is this samadhi, this self-enjoyment samadhi. For the living being to enjoy what their self is, to see what their true nature is, this is the standard, the rule, the criterion, the test, to see if this is the Buddha Dharma or just a dream. And what is the test? The test is the self-enjoyment samadhi. Sitting in proper posture, practicing Zazen,

[17:07]

is this self-enjoyment samadhi. All Buddha Tathagatas alike solely have transmitted the genuine Dharma from one to another, actualizing the incomparable awareness. For this, there has been an excellent way which is supreme and absolute. This way has been transmitted without deviation, only from Buddha to Buddha. The criterion of this Dharma is the self-enjoyment samadhi. For dwelling and distorting oneself freely in this samadhi, practicing Zazen in upright posture is the true gate. Zazen

[18:50]

There was a Zen teacher named Kodo Sawaki and one of his disciples is Deshimaru Roshi, and another one of his disciples is Uchiyama Roshi, and Kadagiri Roshi also studied with him a little bit. And all those other teachers quote this one phrase from Kodo Sawaki, and that is to settle the self on the self. That's Zazen. And that is the essence of Buddhism. The Buddha has no essence. He is quiet

[19:52]

and cannot be grasped. But the Buddha way has, you know, the essential of the Buddha way is to settle the self on the self. And this self you settle on is not, of course, the self-cleaning self. The I which you're trying to improve and make important. That's not the self you settle on. You settle on what? The five skandhas. The five skandhas. You settle on form, feeling, conceptions, emotions and impulses, and consciousness. You don't settle on

[20:59]

trying to improve something. But you do settle on the five skandhas, and one of the five skandhas includes the motivation to improve. So you're aware of the impulse to improve yourself. You notice that. So in the midst of helping other people, in order to be successful at it, you need to settle into these five aggregates of existence. This is really not doing anything at all. It's just being what you are. Trusting that being what you are is the criterion, is the standard

[21:59]

of helping others. What time is it? Nineteen. What time is it? Nineteen. I think some of you have heard that expression about Zen, jumping off the top of a hundred foot pole. Have you heard that expression? Who said that?

[23:01]

What is jumping off the top of a hundred foot pole? What is that? Is that Zen? Is that Buddhism? What is that? It's after Zen. It's after Zen? What is it? Is it good to jump off the top of a hundred foot pole? I'll let you know. Where is this hundred foot pole, by the way? Where is it? Hmm? Right here. Yeah, right. Everywhere. Do you have to climb it? We are. Huh? We are. We are what? Climbing it. Do you have to climb it or are you already on the top? Yeah. You have to think you're climbing it. What do you think? Both. You have to think to climb it? You have to think you're climbing it. And then you'll be at the top. Well, this is something maybe to think about, whether you have to climb it or not, or whether you're already at the top. But anyway,

[24:08]

you do agree, everybody agree that being at the top is where we are? Or are we at the bottom? Or are we the whole pole? Sometimes we're at the top, but usually not. And what's it like when you're not at the top? It's a dream. It's a dream and then you want to climb to the top, right? You want to improve yourself so that you can get yourself to the top and then you can jump into the true way. The self that wants to climb the pole in order to practice Buddhism or in order to be happy or whatever, that's this improving self that wants to do something. Okay? But there's another self that you should settle on, and that's the self which is at the top of the hundred foot pole right now. This is not a special self. This is just form, feelings, conceptions, impulses, mental formations,

[25:10]

and consciousness. That's the self at the top of the pole. At the top of the pole, there's five skandhas up at the top of that pole, right? But these five skandhas have nowhere to go. Well, they go back down. But, I mean, jumping off isn't really an improvement exactly. And yet, it's not just being at the top of the pole. It's a little bit more. It's settling on top of the pole. Sort of settle down there on top of the pole. And then we realize that the top of the pole is just a joke. It's really empty. These five skandhas have no inherent existence. Then you don't have to jump. The pole is removed. Because the pole has no inherent existence. The whole pole, the bottom of the pole, the middle of the pole, or the top of the pole.

[26:11]

So, in this school, I think, basically, I would propose to you that although we sometimes get into pole climbing, still, the actual practice is to not climb the pole. There is some work to be done here, but the work is not climbing the pole. In other words, you don't climb up to get to the five skandhas. You don't have to sort of have a program to get to be five skandhas. You naturally get there. Every moment is given to you by all these nice people here. By the mountains and gods and demons and buddhas and ancestors. Every moment you get five skandhas, you don't have to climb a pole to get to five skandhas. And you don't have to take your five skandhas and jack them up

[27:17]

to be a different five skandhas. Your experience is the top of the pole. So, I would suggest that in the Dogon school of Buddhism, five skandhas is the top of the pole. You should not try to improve yourself to some place and then practice. You should practice from right here, now, with these ingredients that you've got right now. So, there's work to be done. There's an effort to be made. It's not like, okay, well, fine. You have to make an effort now that you're at the top of the pole. But your effort is just to be there. In other words, be here. You saw that film, didn't you? Some of you arrived too late. Did most of you see that film? Most. Now, you have to be a little bit stupid

[28:19]

to be here, right? That guy was really retarded. So, but you people are not retarded. You have to go back to be like a child like that. To be so simple that you can actually just be five skandhas and nothing the slightest bit more intelligent or sophisticated or smart than just being five skandhas. So, when it's blue, what color is it when it's blue? It's blue. How boring. How silly. When it's painful, it's painful. You can't think of anything more intelligent than that at the top of the pole. Now, if you think, if it's blue and you say, well, it's not good enough, then you're sort of climbing the pole again. So, the practice is not an improving practice. You're not doing anything and yet you're working like hell to be here. Because all your sophisticated equipment is saying, hey, wait a minute,

[29:20]

are you going to fall for this and just be here? You can do something better than be here. You can make up something better than... A child could say that. You can do better than that. Yes, you can, but that's... Then you're down at the bottom of the pole or halfway up again. So, in the context of at the top of the pole, we have a lot of work to do and we need to be enthusiastic. We need to be diligent. We need to give wholeheartedly ourselves to this situation in which we aren't doing anything. That's what we mean by in the midst of repose, in the midst of sitting still, to be vividly alive. And if you can really see these five skandhas and be satisfied with them, that's extremely turned on to do that. I'm telling you, I've seen this.

[30:20]

I've seen people just be five skandhas and they are incandescent. You've seen them too. You may not know that that's what they were doing, but that's what they were doing. You see somebody just working sometimes or just talking sometimes when they're just doing that, that they actually have the confidence to live their life now. You know how that is, how encouraging that is. That's what we mean by just five skandhas. So, let's settle into ourselves here and jump.

[31:22]

And then jump. Which is just, you know, taking a walk, having a cup of tea, it's no big deal. If you're settled at the top of that pole, if you just move a little bit, if you blink your eyes, that's the jump. But if you're not, if you're sort of just about there but not quite there or not there at all if you're down at the bottom of the pole, but even if you're up at the top and you're really not just there and you're sort of thinking, well, maybe I should go back down or I wonder if I'm there yet. Then if you blink, you think, well, that's just, you know, that's just a blink. You don't realize that's the jump. You have just leaped. Okay.

[32:39]

In reference to the class the other night, Kokai suggested maybe we study the Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life. And I've been investigating that possibility but there's a problem there, sort of a problem, in that there's not very many books available on that topic. We only have one of them in Tassajara and it's checked out. Now the person who has it might be willing to share. But anyway, we don't have a lot of copies of it so actually studying that text might not work out very well. The presentation there is a presentation of basically the Paramitas. He doesn't clearly present the giving Paramita but it's in there. And so

[33:49]

as I was talking about, we had a class on the six Paramitas this fall in San Francisco and I'd like to actually ask somebody who's in the class to tell us about the relationship between the six Paramitas and Zazen practice. There's two of them over there. Is that all? So what's the relationship between the six Paramitas and the Zazen practice? Either one of you can speak. No, not you, Noreen. You weren't in the class. But you can say so. What is it? Right. Do you guys agree? Could you speak up? I can't hear you.

[35:00]

It's the nourishment. The concentration of the sitting is the nourishment of the Paramitas? Is that what you're saying? Wendy, do you agree with what they said? Or do you have any further comment? No? Okay, so Noreen was in the class, but she's right. The Zazen nourishes the six Paramitas. Zazen also is the six Paramitas, right? And before you practice the Paramitas, what do you do? Raise faith. Raise faith, what? Repent. That's a little bit before that, but that's right. Repent. You raise faith, he said, but strictly speaking, you produce, or not you produce,

[36:10]

but the thought of enlightenment arises. So Zazen supports the six Paramitas. Zazen is the six Paramitas. Zazen and the six Paramitas nourish and support the thought of enlightenment. Okay? Yes? And where does the thought of enlightenment, the Zazen nourishes it, where does it come from? Where does it come from? Where do you think? Big Mind. Right. And where's Big Mind? Is it over there, or over here? So, that's why I slipped and I said, you produce the thought of enlightenment. Okay? You produce the Bodhi Mind. It's not true, you don't produce it. I can't produce the thought of enlightenment. Well, does Buddha produce the thought of enlightenment? Do the Bodhisattvas do it for me? No.

[37:10]

The thought of enlightenment is not produced by self or other. How is it produced? How is it produced? How does it arise? Bang. What? Bang. Bang? That's what it sounds like. And all of a sudden it goes... You are the thought of enlightenment. You are the thought of enlightenment. Yes, but how does it arise? We're talking about the arising of it. How does it happen? Yeah, you are the thought of enlightenment. We're talking about... You are the thought of enlightenment, but before you can practice Zazen, the thought of enlightenment has to stand up there and go... How does that happen? Five skandhas. Five skandhas... When five skandhas happen, that's the thought of enlightenment happening. How does that happen? When Jesus was still, it goes... No. Oh, shucks. That's the sixth paramita. It happens

[38:12]

in the communion with Buddha. In the communion with Buddha, the thought of enlightenment arises. Could you call that faith? What? Can you call that faith? Yes, it's faith. It's not Buddha. It's not you. It's you and Buddha going like this. There's the thought of enlightenment. There's the thought of enlightenment. You and Buddha, you and the ancestors, you and enlightenment meeting, getting all tangled up and coming up together out of that. There's the thought of enlightenment. That's what you really are. Is that real? Is that the same thing as becoming intimate with your experience? Exactly. Yes. But also becoming intimate with your experience and simultaneously

[39:15]

feeling that you're embracing enlightenment. So before the thought of enlightenment you have to take refuge in the Buddha. There it is. There's the thought of enlightenment. Taking care of that thought of enlightenment is called zazen. It's called the six paramitas. Taking care of this thought of enlightenment is generosity, giving, ethical conduct, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and insight. But before this thought of enlightenment arises there has to be a meeting, an embracement, a communion between the living being and the perfect awakening. And then a total wholehearted embracement. Not just a meeting, but embracement and communion. There's the communion.

[40:15]

You don't even know anymore who's who. And then the thought of enlightenment comes up. And then you practice the six paramitas. And before you can embrace the Buddha, before that you have to confess and repent. Because you don't think that you can really meet Buddha until you do that. Because you know of your past karma. So you have to say, I did all that past karma. I admit it. And now I'm forgiven. And now I can meet the Buddha. Completely admitting, completely saying, I'm not going to do it anymore. And also keeping with you. You don't just do it once and forget it. You keep with you that awareness of your past karma. So you keep repenting. And by continuous repentance

[41:18]

you also can continuously meet Buddha and embrace Buddha. And then by the continuous repentance and continual embracement, the thought of enlightenment is born again. And then you keep nourishing the thought of enlightenment with the self-enjoyment samadhi. And before you repent, what is necessary? You've got to do bad things. Right? You've got to do bad things. And then what? After you do the bad things, then what? Recognition. Huh? No, no. Recognition of bad things is you're already starting to confess. Before you confess, before you avow, before you recognize, what do you have to do? You have to do bad things and you've got to suffer from the bad things. You've got to have suffering before this whole thing starts. You've got to have suffering. You got it? Yeah, of course you all got it.

[42:19]

But there's one more ingredient besides the bad things and the suffering. One more ingredient between there and the confession. What is it? No, that's after the confession. One more little ingredient there. Think of the form of the truths. Before that. Huh? You've got that ignorance. Ignorance is a bad thing. The bad thing is ignorance. So you've got ignorance and then you've got mean, dirty, rotten, all kinds of stuff, right? You've got that. Then you've got suffering. So you've got suffering and there's a cause of suffering. And you said it. And then you said, maybe there's a way out of the suffering. If there's a cause of the suffering, maybe there's a way out. So between the bad things and the recognition of suffering, that's the first truth, then there's also the recognition of suffering as a cause,

[43:20]

namely the bad things. And maybe there's a way out. And there is a way out. It's called Buddha's way. And what's the first step in Buddha's way? Admit the bad things that you did that caused the suffering. And then, after you admit them and say, I'm not going to do them anymore, you feel released, you embrace Buddha, you embrace Buddha, the thought of enlightenment arises. And then? And it arises in this wonderful way. And then you start practicing Zazen. Okay? And there's one other ingredient there. What is the thought of enlightenment like? Yeah, that's right. But it's also got this part in it and this part in it. It arises out of this, right? This is with Buddha, but it's also with all sentient beings. So, the thought of enlightenment is, I'm going to meet all the living beings.

[44:23]

And I'm going to work for their benefit. And I'm going to work for the very best possible thing for them. Even if they're my enemy. Even if they really are my enemy and they're trying to kill me, I'm going to work for their benefit. Because that's the only way I'll be safe. Because the greatest benefit that anybody could ever get would be that they would wake up. And if they wake up, they'll stop hurting me. As a matter of fact, they'll start being real nice to me. As a matter of fact, they'll start working for my benefit. So it's definitely to my benefit to work for the enlightenment of my enemies. If anybody doesn't get it before me and is still waiting, they're going to cause me trouble. I'm not going to be able to be happy if there's one person out there or one animal out there that's miserable because they're going to come and bite me. So I want to recognize that this person can be awakened.

[45:23]

This person can be awakened. They have the Buddha quality and I'm going to dedicate my life to bring it out to support it. Of course, they have to work too. So basically, I'm going to try to encourage them to practice. And that arises out of this comes up. However, that's a nice idea, but then you know how, even after the nice idea, sometimes you forget. Right? Why do we forget? We forget because of various things. Bad things we do. We eat too much or we eat too little or we eat poisons and we get excited and we kind of forget what we originally saw. When I was about 13 years old, on numerous occasions I had these wonderful little thoughts of enlightenment. You know, 13-year-old style,

[46:24]

but I thought I could see very clearly, most of my problems that I had at that time were with my friends at school. With people. Strangely enough. It's mostly what was bugging me or making me happy. Maybe you had some problems like that. And I could see pretty clearly that the solution to my problems would just be go to school and be nice to people. That would... I could just see my problems just go... And I'd even think that when I was walking to school I would think that. And I'd walk up the steps of school and I'd open the door and all these kids would be there. And I'd instantly forget what I saw. My thought of enlightenment was not that clear or that vivid at that age, but it was there. But it couldn't stand up to five seconds of school. Five seconds of

[47:28]

teenage bodies. All lovely and ugly at the same time with all that energy. It couldn't stand up because they didn't have zazen to protect it. I couldn't even remember. So I think you know, it's a great, great, great fortune that I could find zazen to protect this insight which everybody really sort of has a little bit in them. To nourish it, to make it bigger and bigger so that it can last through a conversation. So it can laugh while people are talking and doing their thing. So you can remember what you really want to do. So I think in this practice period we need to constantly work at developing and reiterating this thought of enlightenment. Discover it, develop it, and just simply

[48:28]

embrace Buddha so that this can arise. And if you can't embrace Buddha, then you're going to have to do some repentance. So I'd like to consider with you how we can in this practice period maybe have more repentance practice. But I know it's an obnoxious word to us in the West because repentance sounds a lot like penance, which sounds like penance, which sounds like punishment, which sounds like punitive, which sounds like punch and push and pin and pain. But repentance actually is very nice and releases you and makes you feel great. It's not a punishment. The punishment you're going to get anyway, and no, we're not in charge of that. If you eat too many cookies or too few cookies, you're going to get the punishment. But the repentance can make you feel free and happy even in the middle of the punishment for the cookies eating. Repentance is great.

[49:33]

Punishment is painful and reward is pleasurable. But we're not in charge here of the punishments and the rewards. They're being governed by the cosmos. They're coming in right on schedule, as you know. But we are in charge of the repentance practice. We can do that. And the forgiveness, we're not in charge of that either. But the forgiveness comes when you repent. And the forgiveness says, the Buddha says, you're forgiven. Come embrace me. But we can do repentance in our hearts, with our voices, with our bodies, individually and communally. We can repent. We can embrace Buddha. And then the thought of enlightenment can arise. And then when we practice Zazen, it's living Zazen. Because it's got that thought of enlightenment. It's got that flame burning in the middle. And then we can protect it

[50:37]

so it doesn't get blown out by the winds of interactions with living beings. Yes? It seems like maybe another element to the 100 foot pole is sort of living close to a a disaster, or not necessarily a disaster, but living close to the great matter of life and death, where there's some element of threat, of real necessity to put your shit together. If you settle into the five skandhas, you have a good chance of seeing how impermanent everything is. So another way to say what the thought of enlightenment is, one aspect of it is really wanting to benefit all beings

[51:38]

before yourself. Another way to put it is, just see impermanence. If you can see impermanence, that's the same thing. Same thing. Isn't also seeing impermanence the same thing as repentance? It's not the same thing, no. Repentance is prior to seeing impermanence. Prior. I'll have to think about that. Well, this is just straight, you know, Mahayana doctrine, is that you have to do this. But people, you know, sometimes you repent and you don't even know it. Doesn't mean that you have to sort of repent one moment and the next moment. You may have repented yesterday. But I'm just saying, if you have committed karma and you have not admitted it, you cannot see impermanence. That's what I would propose to you. Because you can't see

[52:39]

reality if you haven't admitted reality. Okay? If you do something and you say, I didn't do that, how are you going to see impermanence? That thing's in your eye, you know? You have to admit what you're doing, then you can take away the stuff, and then you can see that life is impermanent, life is fragile, life is precious, and we can't waste time. But if you're lying to yourself, you can't see the truth. If you're lying to yourself, you can't see how it's to your benefit to work for other beings. That's why you have to admit, I've done all this stuff. You name it. Okay. Or, to see impermanence, like, to have your life taken away. And then say, okay. And then, here, we'll give it back to you. But you just had it taken away. And then get it right back. You say, whew, boy, I know what I want to do now. No question what you'll do at that time.

[53:39]

And you won't try to improve situations at that time, you won't try to fix them up. Because you saw, it's all situations got removed. You'll just work for the benefit of beings, and you'll spread joy. Because you realize, we're alive. Don't you see? That's really all that matters. But you can't really feel that without seeing impermanence. Or, which is the same thing, seeing how wonderful benefiting other beings is. This has nothing to do with improvement, or doing anything. This is just, you know, praise. This is just singing. Okay? This is just like this. It's like this. Now, this is the work. This is the zazen. It's not doing anything, it's just going around in a circle. It's just dancing. It's not improvement. This part of the circle is not

[54:42]

better than that part of the circle. And we're doing this together. You and the pony, you and Buddha, you and the Ino. Okay? We're doing this together. No part's better than another part, but it's a dance. It's a great dance. But it's hard to remember that it's a dance, especially when you're slowly shuffling barefoot across the Engawa in the freezing cold. It's hard to remember this is a dance. It's hard to remember. Most people just say, well, I just want to get over to the off, out of here. It's hard to remember. That's why you need zazen, to remember when you're doing that, that it's a dance. We're dancing here, we're singing here. But a child could see, if you bring a child in here

[55:43]

and listen to us chant, you know, they would say, oh, that's a funny song, or that's a nice song. But since we've heard these other songs, we think, well, I don't know if that's singing. It doesn't look like singing to me. But we are singing, and we are dancing. If we can see it, if we meet, engage, the thought of enlightenment arises. With that thought of enlightenment, you can see that we're dancing here. But also you can forget that we're dancing. That's why we need these six paramitas, we need zazen to protect the thought of enlightenment. And also sometimes we lose the thought of enlightenment. Then when you lose the thought of enlightenment, you can't use zazen anymore to protect it. Because it's gone. You lost it. You forgot impermanence. You forgot sentient beings. It is possible to lose it. It is an impermanent thing. Dogen Zenji says there are three things,

[56:44]

and I've revised it to two, because the third one people don't understand. There are three things which once born are unlikely to reach maturity. One is fish eggs. Understand? Most fish eggs do not mature. And another one is this rare, this strange fruit, the amara fruit, which once it's born is very unlikely to reach maturity. And the other thing is the thought of enlightenment. Thought of enlightenment, even if you can make it be born this practice period, and you can make it be born, I mean you can let it be born, but it's unlikely, that thought of enlightenment, if you have one born in this practice period, it's unlikely to reach maturity. I'm sorry. And if you lose it, you should make another one born, or you should let another one be born by repentance, embracing Buddha, and letting it be born.

[57:47]

Yeah? I find it very interesting the way you presented the thought of enlightenment, which usually we think of, I think, as a very positive thing. It seems like a little bit today based on something like selfishness, in the sense that, which I agree with, that being nice to other people is definitely beneficial to your own self, and also doing it in this way is definitely helpful for alleviating pain, which is a great motivation for continuing to practice. Right. But in this way of thinking about it, I think there is separation between yourself and... Anyway, it sounds like some kind of dualistic way to approach it with that kind of attitude. Yeah, well, don't approach it

[58:48]

with that attitude. That's wrong. That's not the thought of enlightenment. So you're right, that's not right. You're right, that's wrong. So that's why I said like this, there's no dualism here. Working for the benefit of other beings, even though it's going to help you, is not dualistic. However, you can be saying that you're working for the benefit of other beings and do that dualistically, that's not right. That's why you need zazen. That's why you need this self-enjoyment samadhi. Because even when the thought of enlightenment is born, at any moment, dualistic thinking can come back in there and destroy the thought of enlightenment. That's why we need non-dualistic thinking, non-dualistic practice. A practice that's not doing anything to keep protecting this from turning into doing something. So you're working for the benefit of other beings,

[59:49]

but not to improve them. You're working for their benefit, but they're not going to get any better. But if you work for the benefit of beings, you can easily slip into thinking that you're improving them. Well, then the thought of enlightenment is gone. But we need zazen to protect it. And that kind of understanding that you have some suffering, your own suffering, That's not dualistic. That's a fact. It's just a fact. But it's not dualistic. It's saying that people are suffering. That's not dualistic. That's just recognizing the reality of suffering. Who would have said that? It's not dualistic. If the suffering is due to dualism, that's not dualistic either. That's just teaching. And then there's a way, and the way is become free of dualistic thinking.

[60:51]

The thought of enlightenment at its first little cropping up there, it is free of dualistic thinking. To want to benefit other people, even while it benefits yourself, is not dualistic. But you can make it dualistic. You can think of it in a dualistic way. That's why you need non-dual practice, like Zazen, to protect it. Just generating this compassion, this thought of enlightenment, is not sufficient. You have to couple it with non-dual practice, with non-dual meditation. Non-dual meditation by itself is fine, but it's not Buddhism. It's the recognition of suffering, the generation of compassion, the thought of enlightenment, with non-dual practice. Those two together are what produces happy Buddhas. But Zazen without that is just some cold rock. Zazen with it

[61:52]

is Buddha's way. Compassion without non-dual meditation easily gets killed, easily gets turned into sentimentalism, or, you know, I'm helping you kind of stuff, or this is good for you, or whatever. Millions of ways it can get off, unless it's protected by non-dual meditation, which is Zazen. But again, some of us have been practicing Zazen for quite a long time, and it really is a wonderful practice, but if we lose the thought of enlightenment, which sometimes we do, it's not really Zazen. People are sitting there, but nobody's home. It's dead. They're sitting still, but there's not this vivid flame of compassion inside there. But the flame of compassion without non-dual thinking easily gets into all kinds of trouble. After all I've done for you, you dirty... and so on, you know. Yeah. Is that clear?

[62:55]

Yes. Good. I have... I think that one of the problems with thinking of doing good is just what you say, that sort of sentimental thing that sort of creeps in there. And actually I was just talking to Mandy yesterday, and I was saying that the way I kind of see it is that it's more for me, seeing what needs to be done, and then doing my best to do it in the best way I can. Right. Right. Right away. Without the idea. That's right. Just do it right away. It does have an aspect of goodness. It's just that you don't think it's good. You definitely should do good. You must do good. You must dedicate your whole life to doing good, but you don't have to ever think you're doing good. As a matter of fact, if you think you're doing good,

[63:56]

it's pretty likely that you're causing trouble. At least that thought is causing trouble. So you can intend to do good, you can intend to do good, and there's no problem in that. It's the thinking that you're doing good that's the problem. And you can do the good thing without thinking that you're doing the good thing. And you can help people without thinking that you're helping them. Nobody ever told bodhis... Well, maybe I haven't read all the scriptures, but I have never seen anything in any of the scriptures saying bodhisattvas should think they're being helpful. Never saw anything like that. Or bodhisattvas should think they're doing good. They don't say that. Or buddhas should think they're enlightened. Doesn't say that. As a matter of fact, it does say that bodhisattvas don't think that they're doing good, and buddhas don't think that they're awakened, necessarily. And I always say, on your birthday, you can think you're being helpful to people.

[64:57]

Otherwise, forget that kind of thinking. It's just really, you know, hard to think you're helping people without getting in trouble. But go ahead and help them. When you see what to be done, do it. And that's enough. That's enough, right? That's all that's required. That's all you've been asked to do. And there's millions of pages telling you to do that. But none of them have ever said, after you do that, you're supposed to tell yourself that you did it. But it may occur to you. Sometimes you can't stop it. You might say, hmm, that's pretty helpful. And also, people walk up to you and tell you afterwards, sometimes, geez, that was really helpful. So you can't avoid the thought, and you say, oh, they said that was helpful, and it was. Well, then you've just got a little problem there, that they're telling you that. That's called flattery or whatever. But we do do good. It's the thinking that you're doing good that makes you get puffed up and cause trouble. But it's hard.

[66:01]

Again, it's hard not to start thinking you're doing good. That's again why we have to keep concentrating on zazen, to protect ourselves from thinking that we're doing good. And again, if you practice for a long time, and you have a lot of friends, and they all say that you're a really helpful person, it's pretty hard not to start believing that. So you have to really keep protecting yourself from that. Teflon brought it out for me. Yeah, right. That's good. Okay. Does everybody understand? Yes? Well, we got as far as the thought of enlightenment. Yeah. But it seems to me that all that's really going on is this. Truly. And to understand the way in a non-realistic way is impossible. To understand

[67:02]

this process is impossible when all that's really going on is this. Well, I'll think about that. I've been keeping you sitting for a long time, but if we can think about what you said, I'll talk to you about it too. Seth likes to align with Pedro Collins about the response to the inquiring impulse. It can be talk, but it can be non-dualistic experience. So what you're saying all we're having now is a lecture, but it's not really... Well, it could be the rest of it too. Well, as I say, I feel like the lecture's gone on for quite a while, so maybe we could go into this later. I feel like if I get into this, it's going to take quite a bit of time. So, I'd like to...

[68:04]

It's kind of late, isn't it? Time for lunch?

[68:07]

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