The great ancestor Dogen said that there are two ways to thoroughly understand body and mind. There are two ways to become free from influxes and outflows. The first is to devotedly engage in upright sitting, shikantaza. The second is to practice and study with a teacher and listen to the teaching or ask about and inquire about the teaching.

[01:19]

listening and asking about the teaching opens up your conscious mind, while upright sitting is concerned with practice enlightenment or enlightenment practice. Therefore, if you neglect either one of these when entering the Buddha way, you cannot hit the mark of realization. We cannot end outflows and see the Buddha's Dharma of the Four Noble Truths by ourselves, and nobody else can do it for us.

[02:37]

Nobody else can practice Shikantaza for us. Nobody else can. devotedly engage in upright sitting, yet even that is not enough because we can't do that practice alone. We need help in doing what we alone must do. So there are these two aspects. an intrapsychic aspect, and an interpersonal aspect. We cannot fully be ourselves without help.

[04:00]

Being born into a human animal body, we are programmed genetically to be selfish, and that selfishness warps our view of the world so that we have a deluded impression of what is going on. Generally, whatever is beneficial to us is what we think is true. By beneficial to us, I mean beneficial to our selfish interests.

[05:16]

Not what is beneficial in the sense of making us happy. If we want to know what delusion is, it is in fact whatever we think is true. This delusion is totally pervasive and upright sitting is to sit in the middle of this pervasive delusion. without even calling it delusion, and without even trying to stop calling it truth. Practicing continuous awareness in the midst of delusion without even preferring delusion or enlightenment, with no attachment to either delusion or enlightenment.

[06:28]

to be upright in the midst of delusion, period. This means to be a self that is fervently making the self into a self, and this process may feel quite embarrassing and shocking as we experience the revelation of our selfishness. Settling in this way and letting the self be made into the self That process is not selfish but in the process we will be exposed to the awareness of our selfishness which involves the experience of a lot of nervousness and anxiety and fear.

[08:00]

As we switch from being driven by self-interest into completely admitting self-interest and letting the self-interest and self-concern just be self-interest and self-concern, as we let the embarrassment just be embarrassment and our anxiety just be anxiety. Buddha was a person who experienced this anxiety and embarrassment and finally didn't run away from the experience. The Japanese Zen teacher Uchiyama Roshi talks of himself as a very nervous, uptight, self-concerned

[09:11]

person. He was so upset experiencing his own self-concern and his own anxiety that he was finally forced into a practice which he called or spoke of as whatever happens I am I. no matter how bad I am, no matter how foolish, selfish, petty, or great even, really all it is, all it amounts to is, I am I. If you're already aware of what a mess you are,

[10:20]

and how much of a mess you're creating by your self-concern, then settling into I am I may be quite a relief. If you don't think you've got a problem and you start practicing I am I, that will open you up to this kind of awareness, in which case you might think of changing your practice. Back to something back to your old addictions whereby you create a buffer around your awareness and are successfully operating at the level of self-denial and self-deception. Now if we are at all successful in the being present, being upright, not leaning in any direction towards any of our preferences or away from any of our aversions, not indulging in any of the alternatives to just being ourselves.

[11:49]

Well, that's very good. That is selfless practice and that selfless practice is the same as enlightenment. However, even if that really does work in the sense of releasing you from self-concern, and it can, that's not the whole story. We must also practice this interpersonal side of going to the teacher and asking about the Dharma. like to go someplace, it means three, it means meeting and practice.

[13:04]

Shi is teacher, so it means to either go to the teacher or practice with the teacher or meet the teacher, or three the teacher. And Mon, the character Mon is a character, has a picture of a gate with an ear inside the gate, So it can be understood as to listen or hear, but also ask and inquire. So both listen to the teaching, hear the teaching, and ask about the teaching. Bo is the teaching or the Dharma. Meet the teacher and listen and ask about the teaching. So this is like upright sitting with another person. This is upright sitting interfacially.

[14:08]

We get some reflection of our upright sitting and that opens up our awareness. This is meeting another person as upright sitting or meeting upright sitting as a person, as a face. This is meeting a face as an upright person. This is meeting enlightenment and practice. So going to the teacher and bringing this uprightness to this meeting, then this uprightness is confronted by uprightness.

[15:16]

This self being made into a self meets a self being made into a self. This being upright in the midst of delusion meets uprightness in the midst of delusion. And when uprightness in the midst of delusion meets uprightness in the midst of delusion, that uprightness gets reoriented, gets confronted, gets challenged, it changes. So, even being upright in the midst of delusion, one could still get stuck. So, being who's upright in the midst of delusion, you're meeting kind of a, well, you know, somebody who's potentially up for a dynamic meeting because this person is like, this person is like working with delusion.

[16:28]

You never know what you'll get if you meet someone who's working with delusion, who's interacting with delusion. I mean, they could slip or they could come from being balanced with that. Anyway, the potential there is great because two people really working with delusion, two people really working with self-concern, two people working with presenting the face to another face. Now there are stories of this teacher being kind of like scolding the student. There are stories of the teacher obstructing and blocking the student, pushing and pulling on the student. And there are stories of students, you know, scolding, obstructing and pushing and pulling on the teacher.

[17:46]

There are stories like that. But also we can understand that these are stories of selves settling on themselves, pushing and pulling on each other, that this is selves being upright in the midst of delusion confronting, meeting, challenging, obstructing each other. Selves putting on faces to impress another, but also being aware of putting the face on, being upright in the midst of the delusion of putting a face on. being upright means they know that they're up to no good, but knowing that we're up to no good liberates us from our selfish

[19:01]

Trickery. The thought crosses my mind that a life in which we are confronted by upright sitting, a life where we are challenged and met by a presence in the middle of delusion that scolds and pushes and

[20:11]

challenges us is a wonderful life. And when we are challenged and confronted and obstructed and scolded and turned about by these meetings with this upright sitting, it may be hard for us. But still I say, I think this is a wonderful life. This meeting can come in the form of a person, a mountain, a tree, a storm, a gentle rain, the upright sitting of a gentle rain. can be overwhelming. When you go, when you come and you meet the teacher, whether it's human or non-human, and you ask and listen to the Dharma, your question and your listening is best

[22:19]

when you ask a question that arises right now, that you don't bring a past question with you through the door. When I was a newly ordained priest and before, I had a little notebook that I carried with me where I wrote down questions for Suzuki Roshi and I had a long list usually. Whenever I saw him I had a long list of questions. If he would just be standing around somewhere waiting for dinner or something or waiting for a ride someplace or whatever, I could, you know, slip a few in there.

[23:22]

I didn't ask them all, but I always had some questions, and if there was an opportunity, I would ask, and sometimes he would turn towards me and say, do you have some questions? As a matter of fact, I do. I wrote him down. And I might open the book or I might not. But the point is, I recommend to myself and to others that the question come from now. And the listening come from now. That's where it has its greatest life. Sometimes people come to meet and they say, oops, I forgot what I wanted to talk about, or I just couldn't bear to bring it in the room, or I rehearsed it so much, I'm just ashamed.

[24:28]

But to admit that you can't ask the question that you wanted to ask because you have to reach outside yourself to get it, that itself is a question from now. If we practice upright sitting in the midst of delusion without any biases for existence or non-existence, gain or loss, we realize selflessness and we become Buddha. However, one Buddha alone is not enough. Even if you are rightly a Buddha, which means you rightly are selfless, which means you are rightly admitting that you're a selfish human.

[25:36]

Even so, that's not enough. That Buddha must get together with another Buddha. Only two Buddhas finish the job of the Buddha way. Only a Buddha with a Buddha thoroughly exhaustively realized the Buddha Dharma. And some people say, well, what about Shakyamuni Buddha? Wasn't Shakyamuni Buddha enlightened under the bow tree all alone? And you could say, okay, he was alone, or you could say, no, he really wasn't. He was with the bow tree and he was with the morning star. He and the Morning Star had duksan. The Morning Star came to him and asked about the Dharma. He came to the Morning Star and listened to the Dharma together.

[26:39]

If you'll accept that as a Buddha and a Buddha, then no argument from me. If you don't see that as a Buddha together with a Buddha, then I would say that he wasn't even though he was a Buddha under the Bodhi tree, he wasn't yet able by himself to thoroughly settle the study of Dharma. That complete study happened when he met his students, and not just when he met his students, but when his students became Buddhas. It wasn't just when he mentioned the Four Noble Truths to his students that the Dharma was thoroughly realized, but when the students met him and heard the teaching of the Four Noble Truths and understood and became Buddhas with him, that's the thorough working of Dharma.

[27:44]

It went beyond Shakyamuni Buddha's personal liberation and personal awakening and entered in the bodies and minds of the others. And when that happened, when they were awakened, then that awakening of their body and mind resonated back to Shakyamuni Buddha and liberated Shakyamuni Buddha from his awakening and he went beyond his own Buddhahood through that meeting. Sitting upright in the midst of delusion liberates a person from delusion. Sitting upright in the midst of selfishness liberates a person from selfishness, liberates a selfish person from selfishness. And the person becomes a Buddha.

[28:51]

When this person and together they attain Buddhahood, then that person is liberated from Buddhahood. The full working of Buddha Dharma is that Buddha is liberated from Buddha. Buddha is liberated and goes beyond Buddha. Without this going beyond Buddha it is not the full scale Buddha Dharma. Whatever happens I am I. With such a simple practice, one can become liberated from self-concern.

[30:02]

But this liberated person must go beyond that too and take this I am I to meet another I am I. As Dogen Zenji says, everyone has a body-mind. In activity and appearance, its function is either leading or following, courageous or cowardly. The practice that allows this leading or following, this courageousness or cowardliness to be itself is being upright in the middle of delusion.

[31:23]

It is to realize Buddha immediately with this body-mind and to hit the mark. To follow the Buddha's realization is called immediate, is called hitting the mark, means deluded people allow themselves to be deluded people without any gain or loss. To follow Buddha's realization means that you do not have your old views and to hit the mark means that you don't get a new nest in which to settle.

[32:42]

The first several times I went to Japan was in the summer. It was summertime, hot and wet. But the last several times I've gone, it has been in November, which is a very beautiful time, summer is too. But November is particularly beautiful because the leaves are turning. And it also is a time when things start to get cold and the days get darker. like here, just like here, but a little bit different in a way.

[34:07]

For me, there was something about November in Japan that was almost more awesome than November here at Tassajara. It might be because although we're in a place that's getting colder and darker and the leaves are turning, it's a monastery. And although we're settling into the confrontation with the season, we're feeling, you know, almost involuntarily, we're feeling this upright presence of the season. It comes to meet us, but we involuntarily feel that, but we voluntarily came here to feel it.

[35:28]

Whereas in Japan It's not supposed to be a monastery, even though I was staying at a temple, still the whole society is not, I didn't expect it to be a monastery. And again here, if you go over the ridge and travel a little ways, it doesn't seem like a monastery, perhaps. But I felt like everywhere I went in Japan in November, I felt met perhaps also because it was another culture. And it was harder for me to sense how the Japanese people are stuck in their views and living in their nests. I think what I felt and what I

[36:38]

What comes to my mind today about Japan is not that it maybe is really different, but somehow I felt the teacher. All over the place. If I couldn't do my job of having myself be myself, then I felt, I think I had a problem meeting the teacher, which was all over the place. I had trouble meeting the darkening mountains

[37:41]

and the leaves which weren't turning bright colors the way they're supposed to because Shizuoka is not cold enough. Somehow I couldn't discount the Buddha in all things, and when I couldn't be Buddha, when I couldn't be this person with these concerns, these deluded concerns, these deluded perceptions, these selfish concerns, When I couldn't be that person, I felt oppressed by the Buddha, which for some reason or other, I couldn't not notice.

[38:57]

I had no defense against noticing it. I only had defense against doing my job. But it didn't work not to do my job. because I couldn't get away from Buddha. And at least not until I go to the airport and go back to California. And even so, in California then if I want to meet Buddha I can voluntarily sign up for a practice period in the darkening valley And I know that when it's over, maybe I'll be able to escape and go back to a place that says, don't worry, this isn't Buddha looking at you, relax.

[40:03]

You don't have to like do your job, we're not doing ours, you don't have to do yours. But when you're in a place that won't tell you that it's not being upright. When I'm in that place, and if I'm not doing my job, I feel I have a hard time. Did I ever stand in my own two feet there, in the cold and the dark, and meet it? And whether I did or not, will I again, ever.

[41:21]

I have an opportunity right nearby. I have an opportunity right nearby. It's called today. It's called, can I be upright in the midst of my delusions and my selfishness today? Can I continuously observe and be aware in the midst of delusion today? I don't know. Do I want to? Do I vow to practice upright sitting, upright standing, upright walking? And do I vow, furthermore, to meet the other who's doing the same practice and go beyond

[42:56]

the liberation of upright sitting. So the next period of Zazen I will inquire as to whether I wish to make that vow, the vow to practice the way of Buddhist realization, which is to be upright in the midst of continuous awareness of delusion and to meet the Buddha in the present with and as all things, I will consider whether I vow and commit myself to that practice."

[44:21]

Down by the swimming pool, there's a persimmon tree and it's full of fruit. Beautifully shaped persimmon fruit. They're a beautiful color right now. Green with a little orange on top. Maybe they need more cold and darkness to come to maturity. I trust the persimmons. They're on the tree and they're not going to run away. If the conditions are right,

[46:06]

For them, if it's cold enough and sunny enough, they will ripen. If you understand and have no doubt that these persimmon will ripen, you have Buddha's wisdom. Although I don't recommend the practice of the Buddha way, still, I invite you to enter, but I can't really recommend it.

[47:13]

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