We may have an audio problem this morning. How is this voice for the people in the back? It's okay? No? Could you take places with us, Steven? Can you hear okay? I can hear. You are able to hear. It's okay. You're welcome. I might not be able to speak much louder without wearing my voice out quite quickly. It is? It is. I'm happy to switch that day. No, never mind. Don't mind. Again, there's this teaching that enlightenment and delusion are intimate. And there's this rumor that this temple is a training place for bodhisattvas, and non-bodhisattvas are allowed to come in for the bodhisattvas to train on.

[01:26]

So thank you all for coming. For bodhisattvas, it may not be surprising to hear that caring for sentient beings is the practice of enlightenment. Some people might think, well, if you take care of sentient beings, you'll become enlightened, which is true. But it's actually, it's the practice enlightenment of bodhisattvas to care for sentient beings. And it's pretty much the same thing to say that caring for karmic consciousness is practice enlightenment, because that's all sentient beings are, is karmic consciousness.

[02:48]

And many people have said for quite a long time, it's really hard to study karmic consciousness Even when I think I'm studying karmic consciousness, that's just a karmic consciousness. That's not actually studying karmic consciousness. To think you're studying karmic consciousness is not studying karmic consciousness. That's just karmic consciousness. To think you're not studying karmic consciousness is karmic consciousness. It's not studying karmic consciousness. To be still. and silent. For ascension being to be still and silent is studying karmic consciousness. To be trying to get rid of karmic consciousness is not being still with it.

[03:56]

So moment after moment, being mindful and loving, compassionate with the sentient being here is what enlightenment is doing. And it does that without moving. and doing it without moving is a great radiance. I heard a line in a movie recently, and I don't know if I heard it correctly, but I think the person said, karma is the ultimate bitch. You might have just said karma is the bitch.

[05:07]

Karma is the problem of sentient beings. It is the affliction due to ignorance. It's the fundamental affliction of ignorance, karma and karmic consciousness. It's tough. It encloses us. in a mentally constructed version of the universe. And for some beings this enclosure is pretty darn nice in a lot of ways. In some people the enclosure is a really lovely story. But there's still some afflictive quality to it because of being an enclosure. and of being impermanent. So good stories, as we sometimes observe, when they go away, people get very upset.

[06:16]

Like a story, this is my best friend. The karmic consciousness, this is my best friend, or these are my good friends. These are all my good friends. This is a karmic consciousness. And then take that away and all my good friends are suffering and being taken from me. And sometimes people have a little difficulty going with the story of my good friends are being taken from me. Everybody being a good friend is a really nice karmic consciousness. It's a wholesome karmic consciousness. And it's true too, even though it's a version of the truth. It is kind of true. And it's wonderful. But it's still, it's also a better story if you say, and all these wonderful friends are impermanent and will soon be moving on and I'll get a whole fresh batch of something. So, primary consciousness is the problem, it is the basic affliction of ignorance.

[07:17]

However, it is not something to be cured or eliminated. So in this sense, we're not really trying to cure sentient beings or eliminate them. And I think probably a lot of people say, well, yeah, I guess eliminating them, I don't want to eliminate them, but cure them, that sounds good. Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope. Enlightenment is not trying to cure sentient beings, it's taking care of them. And that relationship enacts the truth. Karmic consciousness, a sentient being, is something to be lived authentically. Today I'd like to discuss that. Karmic consciousness is the life force of ultimate truth.

[08:26]

That sounds like a compliment to me. Karmic consciousness is beautiful. Affliction is beautiful. Because it's a dependent co-arising, it's beautiful. It perfectly reflects the beauty of all phenomena, and it is ungraspable and bottomless. caring for it properly, it becomes a door to reality. Karmic consciousness has been underestimated by, apparently underestimated, spoken of in a way that people think it's being underestimated,

[09:33]

by a number of Zen people for a long time. So that some scholars, when they survey the ocean of Zen teachings, they say, Zen people don't seem to think karma is important. And I can see why certain ways of talking make them think that some Zen people think, you know, we're free, we're beyond karma. But... I think this lineage is emphasizing deep faith in karmic cause and effect. I'd like to talk a little bit about what does it mean to live karmic consciousness authentically. And I'll just say a few things myself. It means to live karmic consciousness vulnerably to live karmic consciousness fleetingly, to live karmic consciousness humbly.

[10:42]

Whatever I think, even if it's correct, is still just karmic consciousness. And no matter how advanced our realization, we can't get away from karmic consciousness. Remembering that promotes humility. Living, being sentient being authentically, living our karmic consciousness authentically, is to live it humbly. Live it freshly. Let's have the fresh one, not the old ones, the fresh one. Not the common consciousness of yesterday, but today's fresh story of yesterdays.

[11:49]

Live it without grasping it, finally. Live it, of course, compassionately. Care for it. That's part of authentically being a deluded being, is to care for yourself being a deluded being. Care for it vigorously. Care for it immovably and silently. Every moment, again, authentically live karmic consciousness. immovably, silently, and now again, and again. That reminds me of a story about Suzuki Roshi. Anybody want to guess which one it's going to be? Give you a hint. Huh?

[12:54]

The one where he almost drowned. That's not the one I had in mind, but that's a good one. Huh? What? That's a good one, too. The one I had in mind was when I said, again, and again, and again. We have a tendency to think, okay, one, two, three, still. Don't move, be silent, and study. And then just keep studying, right? Now you're in the stillness mood. But I'd have to do it again and again. It reminded me of the story where he taught... On the airplane. Yeah. So we're on the airplane. He's teaching me to count people in Japanese. And then he teaches me how to do it. And then I'm doing it. He teaches me how and he says, now you do that. And I'm doing it. And he listens to me and then he goes to sleep. And when he goes to sleep, I stop and he wakes up and says, Stoti, which is one.

[13:59]

In other words, again, even when I'm sleeping, you keep working. Keep doing it over and over. Going back to the beginning over and over. What's the beginning? This. and this, not this, this, this, this. And another thing I remember was a visiting teacher named Narasaki Ikko came here to Greenbelt and also to Minnesota and taught, and he said, Something like no matter how advanced you get in practice, if you can't go back to the beginning, it's not too good. So if you're not too good and then you get really advanced, you should be able to go back to being not too good.

[15:09]

Whatever you are at the beginning, like at the beginning you're not moving. go back to that. I think that maybe that I could ask you if you have any sense of how to live karmic consciousness boundless and unclear, how to live a consciousness that's unclear authentically. Any ways you can imagine doing that here during this retreat?

[16:12]

Thank you. Making the effort to serve every moment, to be with every moment. Did you hear that? No. Make the effort to be with every moment. A couple of practice periods ago you mentioned how Suzuki Roshi once gave the instruction that we should count our breaths when we meditated.

[17:24]

And you said, as I recall, that you never actually ever took that back. Not that I know of. So maybe that's a way of being authentic is to never stop counting your breaths. Or not. Or not. I recall maybe even that same story from that same moment when you said you had counted your breaths for a long time, a regular part of us, and then stopped. I did the same thing. Now I count to one. Maybe it turned and went back to one. It seems to be better.

[18:32]

As far as I know, Shakyamuni Buddha did not teach counting the breath, but he did apparently teach mindfulness of breath, mindfulness of breathing. It seems to me that for people whose minds are too agitated to be able to follow the breathing or be mindful of the breathing, Counting sometimes makes it possible for them to be mindful of their breath. And particularly if they even have trouble being mindful of their breath when they're counting, if they count out loud, then that makes it a little bit easier to be mindful of the breath. And then if that doesn't work, to yell. If that doesn't, to yell and write it on the board.

[19:48]

One time during a session here, a person was breathing like this. And I asked her if she could breathe more quietly, and she says, While breathing loudly, it's easier for me to follow my breath. Also, when you're swimming, particularly if you're swimming like doing the crawl, the water helps you follow your breath. If you don't, you have problems of inhaling water. So there are certain things that do actually make it easier to follow the breath. And so if you can't do it without those things, then you do it with those things. And then, for example, if you follow the breathing and count it, and your mind's rather agitated and coarse, your mind will tend to become more calm and refined.

[21:00]

But then, as it becomes more refined, the counting, you notice that the counting kind of agitates it. And then if you drop the counting and just follow it, it becomes even more refined and more tranquil. And you notice that the following actually kind of is coarser than the mind. You drop the counting and then just be still. So when I say be still, I'm giving you kind of an advanced practice. of just being with the stillness, in other words, stopping. But stopping means return to stillness. Kadagiri Roshi has this book, Returning to Silence, but I'm saying return to stillness and silence. And if you have trouble returning, just flat out return to stillness and silence, then maybe counting the breath will help you.

[22:04]

Tightrope walking also helps return to stillness. And if you're tightrope walking successfully and you're still not really finding stillness, which you have to find in order to stay on the thing, if you kind of lose it even though you don't fall off the wire, and there's silence there too. If you lose it, then you can raise the height of the wire. And if the wire gets high enough, you will find stillness. And if you can't, you know, and then if, and then also people can start shaking the wire. Things like that will help you if you really can't, if you can be balanced and not find stillness. So there are aids to... Aids can be used to find stillness and counting the breath and following the breath are aids to finding stillness.

[23:14]

Colons are also sometimes used to help people find stillness. Like I told that story about, you know, an interview, TV interview of Dogen Zenji. He's on a talk show and... The moderator asks him, you know, well, what's the practice of enlightenment? And he says, to sit still. And the moderator says, that's it? And he says, yeah, that's the practice. To be still is enlightenment. First sentient being to be still is enlightenment. And the moderator says, well, what about studying koans? And Dogen said, koans are good. And the moderator said, I thought you said just sitting still is enlightenment. And he said, it is. But some people won't sit still unless they have a koan. Just like some men will not be still unless they have a son.

[24:19]

And some women will not be still unless they have a daughter. Do you understand what I'm saying? No? Well, I know this young lady one time that was really having trouble being still because she hadn't found out what she wanted to take care of. Taking care of sentient beings, I'm saying be still and take care of sentient beings, but taking care of sentient beings is done in stillness. In other words, when you're taking care of somebody, you're not running around doing a bunch of other things. Does that make sense? But some people do actually, are not sure they want to take care of this sentient being themselves or their children. They're not sure. But then sometimes they find something, like this young woman found a baby in her. And then she was actually able to be still and take care of this baby.

[25:20]

So people do sometimes need things in order to like come and be here and take care of what's happening. And people find things and they say, and finally they found something that they can work on. Good. But finally, it'd be good if you could do it with everything, not just some special sentient beings, not just some special karmic consciousnesses, but all. And I think all of us are in the process of growing, of extending the limits of what we're willing to be still with, of what we're willing to be cozy with. Some people are, you know, willing to be cozy with this person here. Other people say, no, that's just too much. I can't be near that person. Okay?

[26:27]

But there's a possibility that you could even love this person someday. And you could say, well, could I, as a bodhisattva, could I ask them to take a bath? Okay? Would that be all right? I think so. Say, I want to be close to you. I want to practice with you, but it's really hard on me to be near you. I think it would help me be near you if you would take a bath, because my body kind of recoils at your body fragrance. It's just really hard for me. Or would you change your clothes? They seem to be urine-soaked. So could I get you some new clothes? Would that be all right?

[27:29]

Then it would be easier for me to take care of you. And even the Buddha, you know, in the Buddha's time he had these wonderful disciples and he was walking along on the earth with his attendant and one of his disciples was lying on the ground someplace really ill and covered with sores and not clean. And the Buddha and his attendant picked up the disciple and put him on some clean surface and I think changed his clothes and washed him. And then he went to the…the next time he talked to his group, he said, He said, I want you to take care of each other.

[28:31]

If one of you is sick, I want you to take care of him. And taking care of him is the same as taking care of me. Somehow, the Buddha was teaching Dharma, but he didn't teach everything he needed to teach He was expanding his teaching repertoire. After he'd been teaching for quite a while, there were still a few things he hadn't mentioned to the disciples. He didn't tell them, take care of each other physically if you need help. He didn't tell them that. And they thought, they probably knew that such things occurred, but they thought, oh, this is a teaching of meditating on other topics. besides taking care of a sick body of some friend. But he still pointed out, no, no, take care of these kinds of things. This is part of the practice of meditating.

[29:33]

This is part of the practice of enlightenment, is to take care of people. And the Buddha lived only 80 years, so there was a number of teachings that he didn't get to say over and over enough, so that people wrote them down lots of different places. And so one of the teachings that is not recorded in the early teachings is that deluded people and Buddhas are not two. We don't have a record of him saying that, in the historical Buddha's record. And later this teaching comes out that enlightened beings and unenlightened beings are not two. That taking care of enlightenment requires taking care of delusion.

[30:36]

Or put it the other way, the nice thing about taking care of delusion, which there seems to be plenty of, especially in other people, is that when you take care of delusion or deluded beings, you're taking care of enlightenment or Buddhas. So taking care of suffering, deluded beings is taking care of Buddha. Taking care of afflicted, deluded karmic consciousness, you could say, is taking care of enlightenment because enlightenment is what's taking care of karmic consciousness. Enlightenment is unconstructed. Karmic consciousness is constructed and constructing. Karmic consciousness is compounded. Enlightenment is uncompounded. And they're intimate. So we want to develop...

[31:38]

this authentic way of being with our karmic consciousness. And now I'm welcoming more examples of living karmic consciousness authentically. maintaining awareness of your own response to others by creating a space between your experience and your reaction. In other words, if someone says something, taking a breath and looking at the reaction and the impact of that. Could you hear what she said? No? Would you stand up and belt it out? I was asking Rev to respond to the possible practice of looking at your reaction to others, looking at their reaction to you, studying that in the moment.

[32:47]

So when someone says something to you, to kind of take a breath and look at what's happening to you, what kind of reaction is going on. And then the same thing when you say something, kind of don't say a whole bunch, but say something, and then take a breath and kind of notice what the other being's reaction to you might be. Good. Yeah, that's studying karmic consciousness. And I think when you say something like stop and take a breath, I think you're reminding yourself to be still while you study The way you talked about study sounds like studying karmic consciousness, and then the breathing part I think was a gesture to being still while you study. And when you're studying yourself in a relationship, you're studying karmic consciousness and also your study is karmic consciousness too.

[33:54]

And studying other people's response to you is studying your karmic consciousness of your story about their response to you. And hopefully we're still in this study. Keep returning to stillness and silence in the midst of that kind of study. So I wanted to say an example that hasn't been raised yet, and the example is sitting in the zendo, sitting still and upright in the zendo together, or even if no one else was in there. The part of wholeheartedly and authentically being deluded is to make a ritual of it, to realize that it's a ritual.

[35:03]

It's a ceremony. So when you sit in the zendo, you have this karmic consciousness of that you're sitting in the zendo. I'm not saying you're not sitting in the zendo, I'm just saying that what you think, that what you're experiencing is you thinking about yourself sitting in the zendo. I'm not saying your body's not in the zendo, I'm just saying that when you're in the zendo, you have a karmic consciousness of your body in the zendo. So when you sit in the zendo, what you're doing is, this is a chance to authentically, authentically, humbly, humbly practice with that form of a sitting body. Now, oftentimes when people are in the zendo, they think they're sitting in the zendo, but they think that that's what they're doing.

[36:12]

They think that what they're thinking is what they're doing. And in a way, they're right, because your action is what you're thinking. But what you're thinking is not the reality of your life at that time. The reality of your life is also the insubstantiality of your thinking, and the reality of your life is that you have an obscured version of your life at that moment. Now, that is your life, but sometimes we lose track of that. So to sit in a zendo humbly includes the awareness that this is a story about our life at that moment. And in order to practice the Buddha way, we must have a story, a form like that. At the same time, remember that this form we're using as something to have a story about doesn't reach the practice which we wish to realize.

[37:26]

and although it doesn't reach it, it realizes it. I think we often lose track of one of our central activities, our central rituals, being actually karmic consciousness, that it's an afflicted consciousness too, like the ones who are doing other things in life. Now the attention to those other things which has been mentioned, that would apply here, But we often overlook that this sitting, this religious practice or this spiritual practice, is actually what we've got here is just karmic consciousness.

[38:31]

It isn't like we're dithering around the rest of the day and now this is like a different kind of consciousness. This one is not necessarily more authentic than the other ones. But in a way, it's really a great opportunity for authentically expressing karmic consciousness, because it's like directly indicating complete enlightenment. where we don't necessarily feel like everything else we're doing during the day is. We're directly indicating Buddha by sitting. As far as I'm concerned, it's fine to directly indicate Buddha the rest of the day too, but clearly this is a formal expression of directly practicing the Buddha way.

[39:37]

But it's a karmic consciousness. of practicing the Buddha way. And the Buddha way is not just to take care of this practice of the Buddha way, it's to take care of this limited, deluded version of the Buddha way. So again, most people in the Zen are probably saying, yeah, I'd love to take care of the Buddha way, no problem. But I don't necessarily want to take care of karmic consciousness. So that's quite simple. You're in the Zendo, you're taking care of the Buddha way, you're loving the Buddha way, you're learning the Buddha way. And the way you're doing it by sitting is actually an opportunity to love this karmic version of it. This limited, formal version of it. To be humble about your sitting, to realize that this sitting doesn't reach the sitting which we're hoping to realize.

[40:48]

Such sitting is not trying to get anything. Even though the person who's sitting there is trying to get something, but we know that kind of thing, not just karmic consciousness. And we don't try to get rid of that person. We take care of that person, and we don't take care of that person to get anything. And we sit with various postures, and we take care of those postures, not to get something, but because taking care of those postures is taking care of the Buddha way. So whether you're sitting, walking, standing, whatever, in the zendo, outside the zendo, caring for that body is caring for, can be caring for karmic consciousness, and that's the same as caring for the Buddha way. With all these other qualities, in mind to help us stay on the ball.

[41:58]

According to that, it would make sense that in this lineage we would spend quite a bit of time sitting, and the sittings could go on for quite a long time, and we're not wasting time really, because every moment we're taking care of the Buddha way. But we also, because it's the Buddha way, we're not at all attached to it, right? So we can end it and go do something else, do some other practice of taking care of karmic consciousness. How would you phrase it? A ceremony of taking care of karmic consciousness?

[43:02]

Yes. Could you give an example of ceremony, or take the city? Is that an example? Well, I think, again, that part of what I mean by ceremony is you're doing something with karmic consciousness to realize enlightenment. Like you're offering incense to realize enlightenment. It's not so much that the incense offering is enlightenment because the incense offering is karmic consciousness. My dream of this incense offering activity and you watching me we're both watching this, we're both doing this thing, I've got a hold of the stick sometimes, sometimes you have a hold of the stick. So this process of incense offering is realizing at that moment nirvana.

[44:06]

But I also know that my story about this is karmic consciousness and actually it's, you know, I got to accept it's kind of a limited version of nirvana. It's kind of like Yeah, you could say little or medium size or large, but it's still a limited version of peace and bliss. So ceremony is always a limited version? Ceremony is always a limited version, yeah. So a ceremony of Buddha is a limited version of Buddha. A ceremony in Buddhism is a limited version of Buddhism or Buddha. So each of us disciples of Buddha is a limited version of the Buddha. Moment by moment we're a limited version of the Buddha way. We can't be an unlimited version of the Buddha way.

[45:13]

That make sense? We're not built to be unlimited. We're limited. and we're limited in space and time, just right now. This isn't Buddhism for all of history and all of the future. This is just Buddhism right now. This is just present-day Buddhism in California. And it's a ceremony, a Buddhism, and the ceremony of Buddhism is a karmic consciousness. Karmic consciousness, I guess it makes sense, karmic consciousness is limited. All we've got All we've got to practice Buddhism with is karmic consciousness. Can't get away from it. So we use karmic consciousness, this little pipsqueak version of Buddhism, we use it to realize Buddhism. So we offer incense with it, we sit upright with it, we eat formally with it, we bow to each other, we talk to each other, we work together, we do all these limited ceremonies. Ceremonies of what?

[46:19]

Well, This retreat's about a ceremony to enact the Buddha way. All our ceremonies are limited, and they are not the same as enlightenment. The karmic consciousness is not the same as Buddha. It's just inseparable. But if we don't make this limitation, if we don't give this limitation to the Buddhas, if we don't take care of it, we don't take care of the thing that's right with it. If we don't take care of our friends, we don't take care of the Buddha. If we take care of our friends, we take care of the Buddha. But we take care of our friends partly because we want to take care of our friends, but we also take care of our enemies because we want to take care of Buddha. So Buddha said, if you take care of this person, who's an enemy of some of you, you take care of me. If you take care of your karmic consciousness, you take care of Buddha. So taking care of karmic consciousness, the karmic consciousness of ceremony is what you take care of, and taking care of it, take care of Buddha.

[47:28]

And so theoretically we could just offer incense over and over and over, but at a certain point we feel like it's getting too smoky in here. This is just like, I have a karmic consciousness which I want to take care of, which is, this is enough incense. Let's just sit for a while, okay? But what we're doing is an illusion. We shouldn't be attached to the illusion of Zen practice, but we should take care of the illusion of Zen practice because the illusion of Zen practice is inseparable from actual Zen practice. But the base of operation for practice is obscured karmic consciousness. That's the base of the method. Yes. So when Dogen says realization is not reached by a deluded mind, is that what he means?

[48:34]

I don't know. I don't know, but it's true. The deluded mind doesn't reach You don't reach what you're intimate with. You don't reach your dance partner, but you're intimate with them. Reaching them oversteps the wonder of intimacy. Realization also doesn't reach delusion. Realization, of course, being so cool, it respects delusion and doesn't try to undermine delusion. But delusion tries to sometimes unknowingly undermine enlightenment by getting a hold of it. I'd like enlightenment, and in order to get it, I'm willing to gouge it a little bit. But you can't. Delusion cannot reach realization. But it can be intimate with it. But being intimate with something and not reaching it means you kind of don't know whether you're intimate or not.

[49:38]

Being intimate and not reaching it, you feel kind of awkward. Like if you don't know where it is exactly, you might step on its toes or something. Is that play? Yeah, and when you're intimate with it, you play with it. But still, even though you play, you're awkward at it because every moment it's a new play. So I don't want to get awkward all the time. Can't I be close to you and sort of know you? Well, no. I mean, if you want to be close to delusion, you can know delusion. Delusion can reach a delusion because that's what delusion is, you think you've reached something. So if you think you've reached delusion, you're deluded, you've got it. But you can't reach enlightenment, and enlightenment is so wise it doesn't think about reaching you. So how can we be together with each other, close, but not reach each other?

[50:44]

Not actually know who each other are. How can we be awkward constantly? How can we be beginners with each other constantly? How can we be in awe of each other all day long? How can we not know who each other... How can we be that together? How can we be humble with each other all day long? all day long. How? That's the thing. And to be that way with everybody is to take care of the Buddha way. And of course it's hard. Enough of that. I know who this is. I know who you are. Don't ask me to be awkward with you. Or even if you ask me to be awkward, I'm not going to be. I'm going to be like skilled with you. So that's a great thing about coming to Green Gulch, you know. Coming to Green Gulch and feeling ignorant is really wonderful. We all, you know, and so I think I should leave Green Gulch if I can't feel ignorant here anymore and go to Pachamama.

[51:52]

Unfortunately, I can't feel ignorant here. So I don't have to leave. But if this is the only place you feel ignorant, you've got to come back. Hopefully you can feel as ignorant as you are here everywhere someday. We've got to be willing to be a beginner. You don't get stuck in feeling ignorant all the time, though. You don't get stuck in being a beginner, but we should be able to go back and be an awkward beginner in all relationships. Don't you think Don't you think? What do you think? Think that's silly? Silly doesn't mean it's not good. What do you think, folks, about this being awkward with everybody? It's awkward. Yeah. Yeah. Huh?

[52:56]

What? Congratulations. It can be painful. It can be painful, yeah. And it can be painful to be worried about hurting other people because of your awkwardness. Like when you're dancing with somebody, it can be painful just to be afraid that you're going to step on their foot. That can be painful, that thought. So being awkward could be... Karmic consciousness can be painful. Awkward sounds more benign than ignorant. You know, oh, awkward, oh, you just step on someone's toe. Well, strictly speaking, you're the one who said ignorant. A karmic consciousness isn't exactly the same as ignorance. It's an active version. Karmic consciousness is ignorant in action. So feeling ignorant actually isn't ignorance.

[54:00]

It's a karmic consciousness about it that is thinking about ignorance. It's feeling ignorant. So feeling ignorant, when you feel ignorant, I think then you feel kind of awkward. But the ignorance, yeah, the ignorance is the thing upon which karmic consciousness sits or depends. They also are very close. Not the same, but very close. Yes? Yesterday, a fellow fan who used the phrase, I think, that we ignore reality, sentient beings ignore reality. And my question is, There's some choice in that. The question is, is ignorance just a natural state? In other words, we are, in fact, capable of knowing reality. So, essentially, it's not a choice.

[55:01]

We are ignorant. Let me stop for a second, okay? We can know reality, and this is in our topic, could be expanded quite a bit. We can know reality, but when we know it, we know it through karmic consciousness. In other words, we know it in an unclear way. If you're looking at something and you think it's clear, you don't know reality. Then you're just unclear without knowing it. But when you realize that you're seeing things unclearly, you might be looking at reality. Ordinarily, people think things are pretty clear. They think, I am uncomfortable, I am comfortable, I am right, I am wrong. And they think that's clear. They have a nice clear story about what's going on. When you're not so sure and it's not so clear, you're probably starting to look at reality. Reality is starting to dawn upon you as you realize the unclarity.

[56:05]

The unclarity or the indeterminacy of your knowledge. As you know more and more with indeterminacy, then your knowledge is probably more and more bearing on reality. There's indeterminacy involved in knowing reality. And that's for human beings, for sentient beings. I think I know something. That's the irony of what I'm going to say, I think. But it seems as if every moment is new and is dependently colorized, then that means that we have to be ignorant. I mean, that there's no other way for us to meet the moment except as ignorant, that we're ignorant. Does that make sense? Yeah.

[57:07]

But is it true? She said something like, since every moment's new and dependently co-arising, we sort of have to be ignorant. However, if you understand that every moment's new and dependently co-arising, that understanding of that is not ignorance. You're actually paying attention to reality. However, you don't know what this thing is. The thing you're talking about that has just arisen. No, that's right. But knowing that you don't know it, and knowing that it's a dependent core arising and you can't grasp it, and that it's fresh, knowing that, you know the reality of whatever this thing is if you haven't really said what it is. And you can say what it is, but that's not what it is. That's the name of it. But when you see things that way, then you're not ignorant. But you don't get to know what it is. And since we like to know what it is, forget about Forget about knowing, let's just have some ignorance so I can have something.

[58:14]

This knowledge is still deluded. This knowledge, if you can call it that. Which knowledge? The knowledge of dependent co-arising and impermanence, you mean? Yes. It's still the formation of a deluded mind. It's still deluded, but it's what it's like when a deluded mind is looking at reality. When a deluded mind is aware that this is a dependent core arising, a deluded mind is aware that this is fresh, and a deluded mind is aware that this is impermanent. When a deluded mind remembers that this is ungraspable, the deluded mind is not so ignorant. Well, we call that some kind of wisdom. It's some kind of wisdom, yeah. But we who call it that are still deluded. Yes. But even though we're still deluded, Great enlightenment is right there, being exercised, without getting our delusion necessarily much better.

[59:15]

Just great enlightenment is being exercised here in this story, in these stories. Pardon? Yes, you may stand up. This mind that you and Jill just described and that Fred elaborated, it seems to me that that's the mind that can actually study karmic consciousness. That's a form of karmic consciousness that seems to be up for studying karmic consciousness. And that seems a little different from when another kind of... Did you get that, folks? So we just described, we karmically described a consciousness which is a type of karmic consciousness that's willing to study karmic consciousness. And really able to study it in the present is what I was trying to... This is a question that's going to keep coming up for me as we go through this study.

[60:16]

There's what I might say is kind of a grosser way of being able to study karmic consciousness that's like studying the past karmic consciousness or the constructions that have already been elaborated and that I'm very familiar with about stories about those and stories about those and stories of understanding those and stories of what happened yesterday or what happened five minutes ago and like that. And that seems like a little different kind of karmic consciousness than the consciousness that is able to receive what's coming moment by moment without knowing what it is. And that it seems like in that stillness, that's the karmic consciousness. That's the way to study the presently arriving karmic consciousness. I don't know if that is, but I thought that was just a karmic consciousness, but... In karmic consciousness we do have a story that it would be good to study karmic consciousness in the present.

[61:24]

But to say that is a karmic consciousness which is in the present, that's just a karmic consciousness which is always in the present. Right. But this mind that you were just describing, a mind that doesn't know what's coming, Right. Is that right? Doesn't know what comes moment by moment? Is freshly ignorant each moment? Is that more or less what you described? Are you going backwards now again? Maybe. Yeah. And still I'm going to keep asking this question one way or another. You have that story now? Well, I think so. Yes, I do have that story. Would you like me to not ask that question? I'm fine with it. I would just like you to have it in the present, and then you wouldn't know if you're going to have it again. That's true. You just got it now. And this is the skill... When we say karmic consciousness, karmic consciousness has different varieties.

[62:30]

There's skillful, and the skillful ones are the ones that are sort of in the general ballpark of being able to study the karmic consciousnesses. The unskilled for ones are the ones that don't. And don't means they don't know how. They keep looking someplace else. And I have a story that you are looking for the skillful karmic consciousness that's able to actually study. That is what I'm asking. Yeah. And not be tricked by any... However the karmic consciousness comes up, not be tricked by it to think that we're talking about something other than now. Which is so easy to fall into. Yeah, karmic consciousness is the big bitch. I might have a story about using that way of describing it. Go ahead, tell the story. I come from the generation where that was kind of the sexist way to talk. Oh, did you think that bitch was... I didn't think that, but I... No, but there's... Doesn't bitch mean difficulty also?

[63:35]

To use the term that represents a female dog to be equal to... Hard time? Some things that are painful and difficult and annoying is in a certain generation of linguistic study of... It's considered, you know, pretty sexist. So now what do you think? Well, that came up for me when you asked the term. I know, right. That's part of the reason why I brought it up. But it doesn't come up for me to say that you're a sexist, but it comes up to me to say that in that language construction there's a history of sexism. So what should we do with that word? I don't know. Oh! I was doing that. It's difficult to study karmic consciousness in the present. Exactly. And it is a skillful karmic consciousness that can study and allow itself and encourage itself to be studied in the present.

[64:40]

And part of my question is relating to the conversation not of this moment but of the first class. Mm-hmm. where I think we had some conversation about separation, like when you're sitting... How are you doing right now, by the way? I'm conceptualizing, so there's separation. No, but can you freshen this up a little bit? No, I don't want to hit him. Would you mind me to continue with my question, or shall I sit down? Continue. Is that freshened up? I'm asking you, are you with the freshness of what your mind is doing right now? Are you going away from the freshness because you have some agenda that you think you can't handle the agenda and still be fresh with this? It's possible that I have a habit of thinking I cannot get to my old question and be in the present. Yeah, so I'd like you to try right now. Try to be in the present with my old question.

[65:43]

Be in the present and see if your old question comes. In the present does my old question come? Yeah, does it come? And then if it comes, it might. Okay, here's the way it comes. Okay. Go ahead. Do you want to finish before I finish? And if it comes, can you stay in the present with it? I'll try. Well, I'll either do it or I won't. Would you like me to check on you while you go? Yes, I'll offer you this, please. Thank you for the offer. Okay, now I lost the question again. Okay. One of the risks of being present is that you might lose everything. Especially when you're old. Especially when you're old. You might lose everything. Or rather, put it another way, one of the risks, which is not really a risk, but you could say one of the risks of being present is that you give everything away. You give all your agendas away for the sake of being here to study what's happening now. And

[66:44]

Not even with the confidence that this thing will come back and you'll be able to bring it up again. Because it might not. You're willing to actually give it away forever. However, it often does come back. If it doesn't come back, it would be fine. Especially if you kept being present with your karmic consciousness and kept taking care of it. If you're enlightened, you may not need any of these questions. They might need the questions. They'll bring them to the enlightenment. They'll bring innumerable questions. much more than we'll ever know or ever have. All beings will bring questions. There's no shortage. But there is a shortage of being presence. And in that freshness, that's what we need to cultivate more than cleaning up karmic consciousness and straightening it out and getting it all... And answering questions. Yeah, and answering questions. Questions will come. I don't know what they'll be. And we may lose some excellent ones in the process. It's possible. But I'm recommending that we'd be willing to give them away, not lose them, but give them away for the sake of enlightenment.

[67:53]

And people may want to hear whatever it was that you were going to talk about, but you may not be that person anymore that was, you know... Wanting to have that conversation. Yeah, and they may accept that. I'm going to accept that now, and maybe the question will come back another time. I know what it is now, but I think I'll just say it. Okay. Is that all right? It is. Thank you. With me. Is that enough for today? Oh, Yuki, yeah. Would you like to come up, or do you want to ask back there? Would you stand up, please? And you say, can it be? I would say, yes, and I would say, it already is.

[69:11]

Hmm? It is a ceremony already. This whole, everything we're doing all day long are ceremonies. And I think it would be good if we realized that. Hmm? Then my next question is that if everything is a county ceremony and think about more service ceremony, no matter how practiced and no matter how mindful, we can't control the moment. So mistakes happen, and people have a preference, too loud, too slow, or something like that. So you said live. live karmic consciousness authentically, but how, my question is then, how I can live my karmic consciousness authentically without fear?

[70:14]

How to do it? If karmic consciousness involves fear, I would be, I would welcome the karmic consciousness along with all the afflictions that come with karmic consciousness. One of the afflictions that come with karmic consciousness is fear. So caring for the fear, fear is not the Buddha way. Caring for fear is the Buddha way. Caring, loving, being compassionate, being calm, being still with fear, being quiet with fear, being gentle with fear. being non-violent with fear. This is caring for karmic consciousness, because fear lives in karmic consciousness. And when we take care of fear that way, we are exercising Buddha's enlightenment.

[71:20]

So feeding fear is also Would you stand up, please? It usually helps if people's voices are up here, but rather down low. Do you understand, Yuki? Yes. So standing up helps me hear you anyway. So feeling fear is part of live authentically if I have fear? Feeling fear is what? Also live authentically if I have fear. If you have fear, then you having fear is the thing for you to live authentically with when you have fear. If there's no fear there, it doesn't mean that you're not being authentic when you're not afraid. It's just that when you're afraid, the Buddha way is to be authentically, authentically afraid. Authentically afraid when you're afraid. And what is authentically afraid? Yeah.

[72:22]

I would say it is to be wholeheartedly exactly how afraid you are. It is to be awkward with your fear. It is to be vulnerable with your fear. It is to be calm with your fear. It is to be gentle with your fear. It is not trying to get rid of your fear. It is engaging your fear intimately. So when we have fear, a lot of times we're not really exercising, you know, we're intimate with the fear, but we're not exercising it. We sometimes go away from it into anger or blaming people. Well, you could be intimate with those things then too, but sometimes before you move or while you're still with the fear, Taking care of that is exercising the Buddha way.

[73:26]

Take care of fear, you take care of Buddha. Wholeheartedly, authentically afraid. And doing ceremonies authentically means giving up trying to control the ceremony. Cooking breakfast authentically, cooking breakfast means the karmic consciousness of cooking breakfast If it's authentic, you're not trying to control the cooking process. You have a common conscience which has desires for certain outcomes, but you're not trying to control your desires either. You're not trying to get yourself to desire something different from what you desire. If you desire for a good lunch, you lovingly embrace the desire for a good lunch. If you want to make a bad lunch for the community, you lovingly engage this agenda to make a bad lunch. You don't deny.

[74:28]

This cannot be happening that I want to make a bad lunch. No, no. No, you welcome the desire to make a bad lunch. And when you say no, no, you mean that as a welcoming. That's authentic no-no. Whatever it is, it can be authentic. There's nothing that cannot be authentic. And when we authentically are deluded, when we authentically have values in karmic consciousness, if we are authentically doing it, we are practicing the Buddha way. And we do have karmic consciousness, but our stretch is to be authentically a frightened person, an angry person, a confused person, a happy person, a faithful person, a grateful person. Whatever we are, our challenge is to be authentic.

[75:30]

And all these things then are ceremonies of enlightenment. I have a moment. You have one feedback for me? Yes. With all my appreciation and, yeah, and you have my appreciation and your But I didn't like when you used the B-word either. What? I didn't like when you used the B-word. The B-word? But I still like you. Thank you. Yes. If I'm going to authentically care for my fear, surely I shouldn't name it, the fear.

[76:50]

I should just be with it and not try and turn it into a... If it hasn't been named yet, just take care of it unnamed. If it's been named, take care of it named. I'm not telling you what to do with your karma. I'm telling you how to take care of your karma. I'm not trying to make you do good karma, even though I'm recommending that you do good karma. The good karma I'm recommending is that you study your karma. So if you think, if there's something there I say, please take care of it. If it's called fear, I would say, take care of it even though it's been named by somebody. But you don't have to name things. If they're not named, that's fine. Just take care of them unnamed. To be with me, take care of whatever your karmic consciousness is giving you. And I say you, I mean Buddha. Yes.

[77:56]

Yes. Is stillness necessary for being authentic? Yes. So can I be authentically with my non-stillness? Yes, that's stillness. Okay. Yeah, some people here practice authentic movement, and I don't know if they would agree with me. I think they would. That when they move authentically, they're moving in stillness. I think that's... And silence. And they sometimes make noise when they're moving. And the people who are witnessing them, who are around them witnessing, those people are doing a ceremony of being still and silent. And they're trying to be silent and still in their mind, too, with that person. And then the person who's moving and making sounds, they're doing the ceremony of moving and trying to remember the reality of not moving.

[79:02]

And the other people are doing the ceremony of not moving and trying to remember the reality of not moving. Buddhas are fundamentally still and silent, embracing and sustaining all beings, showing them the reality of their life, no matter what's going on. Yes? I'm struggling with when you talk, for example, about fear. Let's say that the reaction is actually of a level of terror. so of an intensity that it kind of takes over the whole field in a way that I'm struggling with how in that moment it's even humanly possible to get some distance to space and stillness, because that... Well, you said distance.

[80:06]

Well, to be aware of my karmic consciousness. So I'm stepping back away from the moment. I don't know how in that moment to be authentic. Physiologically, I'm not here virtually because of the terror. psychologically, emotionally. I'm almost not here. I'm so overwhelmed by that intensity. Well, that would be... Well, in one sense I hear you saying that you have trouble imagining how you could be silent and still with very intense terror. And I would say that to be silent and still with very intense terror is one of the things bodhisattvas aspire to. But it's rather advanced.

[81:10]

Some people can't be, have trouble being present with just a tiny bit of fear. But this is what bodhisattvas wish to do. They wish to be able to go into the most terrifying situation and to be loving. Now, as you may know, that someone else might be really terrified, and you might be able to be present and loving towards them. And if you keep practicing that way, that would help you learn to be that way with yourself. So the more we don't miss the little opportunities of fear, the more we get ready for the big ones. So the little ones are really, most, a lot of us miss a lot of the little ones. And so I'm saying if we could catch more of the little ones, which are quite frequent during an ordinary day, we would get more skillful. And so I'm proposing this amazing thing that we can become really, like almost, just, almost inconceivably better at being patient and present and welcoming to fear.

[82:21]

But we're not going to get that way without practicing it. And we've got to practice with the fears we have today, and we do have quite a few fears today. But that's very advanced attainment you just described to be able to do that. So we have to, of course, accept the baby steps, right? Build the muscle by the little two-pound weight. Definitely. Accept, welcome, say thank you to all the baby steps. Oh, that wasn't much fear there, but I welcomed it. That was great. That was wonderful. And here's another little fear. Sometimes we might think, well, that fear is not big enough for me to spend any time on. That's easy to be relaxed with that fear. But, you know, why don't you relax with it then? Rather than, that's easy to be relaxed with. I think I'll move on to something else, like being angry at this person. Like, that didn't hurt me that much. I wasn't that afraid of what that little boo they gave me. Well, you know, I could have been calm with it, but I'd rather just like say something really clever now. No, no, no.

[83:26]

This isn't a big deal. What they said was not that shocking and surprising, but it was shocking enough that you felt fear. Well, take care of that, and then see if you want to make a wisecrack. There's so many little things that happen that frighten us a little bit during the day that we miss the opportunity to really take care of them. And if you're doing that, you get to a place where you're actually maybe quite frequently, almost continuously dealing with fear. And if you're continuously dealing with it, well, here comes another one. Yeah, it's more than okay. Okay. And maybe you lose it right in the middle, but, well, it's nice to be in the big leagues where you lose a lot. If you're a big league player and you play in the little leagues, you win almost all the time. But if you move into the big leagues, you can always lose.

[84:28]

Somebody can beat you. So there's big league fear coming to us. Big league fear is coming. It's coming. Big fears are coming. And bodhisattvas welcome them. You don't try to get them, you just welcome when they come. And you work with the little fears you've got now. I mean, I hope we do. And we have plenty. We do have plenty, don't we? Elena? Would you stand up, please? asked you if it was possible to be authentically with unstillness. And you told her, yes. And so I was trying to figure out what that could be like.

[85:37]

And I have observed, as I said yesterday in the Zendo, the contempt that is aroused for that unstillness. So maybe one little step could be to zero in on the contempt among whatever other emotions may come. Yeah, that would be good. But maybe not zero in, but just love that contempt, love that contempt for unstillness. And there is in the Zen school, of the students in the Zen school, there is some contempt sometimes that does arise towards unstillness. It does happen. And we're here to learn stillness, right? So what's with this unstillness? So let's be loving towards the contempt. Let's be loving towards the unkindness towards unstillness.

[86:38]

And there is some unkindness that does arise sometimes in the school of stillness towards movement. So we have a lot of opportunities to be kind towards that unkindness. And that will help us realize stillness. When the unstillness feels the love for itself, it will be more willing to realize that it's not really moving. So maybe it's a matter of awareness also, because As a matter of what? Awareness. Yes, it is a matter of awareness. Because I have noticed in the back there the content, the scholar content. But now I could be open to noticing it more. be more aware of that contempt, and that could open up the acceptance.

[87:40]

Yes, right. And also it might open up some things that you don't notice yet, like maybe there's something more direct than the contempt, maybe there's some irritation or some pain with the movement that we didn't notice, and if we And then we have more to love. We can love then the thing which we didn't notice. And the contempt might not even arise anymore. We have some other more basic thing to deal with. Or the moving around to get away from it, to distract it. Right. Just so as not to... Yeah. Right. So we both need to learn how to do the ritual of being still without freezing, and we need to learn how to move without losing stillness. And so, you know, in the Zendo, when you move, you can move as an expression of stillness, and I invite you to do so.

[88:43]

Please, whenever you move, move from stillness, and have that movement be a gesture of stillness. After every period of sitting, when you get up, have that be expressing stillness by getting off your seat and stand, go into the standing position as an expression of stillness and go into walking together as an expression of stillness and go back to the sitting. So stay with stillness even though we're doing the ritual of movement. And then stay with stillness, be still when we're doing the ritual of stillness. Is that enough for this morning? I think John had a question. John? Which John? Oh, this John. This John. I think it was this John. It wasn't. But does this John have a question? Does John have a question? Does this one also? This one also. Oh, wow. And this one.

[89:45]

Okay. I invite you to tell me again and freshly what that quotation is behind you. It's a quotation from a Mahayana Sutra. And this character means mass or assembly. This character means life or birth. And together they mean, you know, literally living, the mass of living. It means all living beings and each living being, sentient beings, living beings. So it can be living being or living beings. You can see it as a big plural or an individual. Next character means nature or condition or circumstance. So the three together mean the condition of a sentient being or the nature or circumstance of a living being.

[90:59]

But another way to say it is a living being being a living being. The condition of John is John being John. And the next two characters are... mean... The first one means isoko. It means immediately or as is. And the second character means this or yes. And together they mean, you put them together, they mean immediately is or namely or, you know, or itself is. So a sentient being, the condition of a sentient being, the nature of a sentient being itself is what it really is, is what we mean by or what is called bodhi, awakening. The next two characters are bodhi. The last character means therefore or in the context of.

[92:07]

So in the context of a sentient being being a sentient being, it is itself enlightened world. But again, another way to read this is the nature of sentient being is to be a sentient being, and so the nature of sentient being is to be not moving, is to be itself and not move from that. So for a sentient being to not be moving and actually to exercise that stillness of being yourself, it realizes this teaching. So for a sentient being to be authentically itself is enlightenment? Yeah. And of course everybody is authentically themselves, but do you practice that? Do you exercise your authenticity? So we need to exercise our authenticity. And loving ourselves, loving our sentient being, loving our karmic consciousness, loving and being compassionate to ourselves is part of fully exercising our authenticity.

[93:19]

Authenticity is compassionate. It's being compassionate with something. It's giving it space and support to be itself. And it's learning to do that with a wider and wider varieties of what we can be. And it gets wider by taking care of the opportunities we've got now. So if you can take care of the problems you have today consistently, then that gets you ready for maybe bigger problems tomorrow. Or littler ones. If you want big ones, then maybe get ready for little ones. And then when you're ready for little ones, then you'll be ready for big ones. And so this is the bodhisattva vow, is to engage all these different kinds of karmic consciousnesses and be willing to be all of them. And also being honest that sometimes you're not ready.

[94:25]

That's part of it. Sometimes some people really seem like, this is too much for me. I can't be loving with this person. And I can't even accept that I can't be loving. But I can accept that I can't accept. At some level you find some place you can be accepting of yourself. And that's your foothold to start the process of compassion. May our intention equally stand directly in that place where the true magnet of abundance is laid.

[95:19]

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