May I begin and perhaps end also with saying thank you so much for maintaining the essential working of the Buddha way. Thank you for maintaining the way, the middle way. I practice Zen, pivots with Zen practices me. Thank you very much for taking care of that practice of the Buddha way. Thank you for listening. to the Dharma.

[01:04]

Thank you for questioning the Dharma. Thank you for listening to me and questioning me. Thank you for asking me to question you. Thank you for sharing and accepting the responsibility for the practice. Sharing the responsibility for the Dharma talk. We all have responsibility. for the Dharma. None of us have all the responsibility, each in our own way, without limit.

[02:17]

Yet be ready to accept it. I thank you for accepting and, yeah, for accepting as much responsibility as you can so far. Thank you for teaching and guiding me. Please continue. In order for me to practice the Bodhisattva precepts I need others besides me to call me into question. ...into question and I say, thank you so much. Please continue to do so with generosity, ethical and conscientiousness, patience, energy, concentration, and wisdom.

[03:27]

I am endeavoring to speak carefully with These words are coming out with no hesitation and carefully. I'm happy to talk that way. And if I'm not careful unexpectedly The story called Guishan's Karmic Consciousness came to me yesterday with you. Do you remember it? I don't know what to say.

[04:36]

The wonderful ancestor hung wrote a poem about this case. And the poem starts out, Call once, and the head turns. And one does he understand? Or no, does he see the self? And that translation capitalizes self. I'll talk about that later. The other translation is, do you know or not? In that translation, the self is not capitalized. Called, the head turns. At that moment, did he see the self?

[05:39]

If you're called and your head turns, Do you see the self? And then the next line of the poem is, the full moon vaguely turns to a crescent. Another translation is, okay, ready? One call, the head turns. Does he see the self or not? Next line, vaguely like the moon through ivy, present at that. So, There's two things I want to bring up today.

[06:45]

The first one, I mean, that I've been, you could say, trying to work it out with. One is the statement that in the Flower Adornment, which is based primarily on the Avatamsaka Sutra, in which there are laid out ten stages of bodhisattvas, The highest stage of bodhisattvas, the bodhisattvas at the highest level of development are said to see nature like looking at the moon through a gauze net. or like through ivy.

[07:47]

Called and the head turns. Called and the head turns. Now, if he sees the self, does he see it like an unobstructed full moon? Does he see it like a new moon and also unobstructed perhaps? Or does he see it like not even the full moon but maybe just a crescent of the moon and Avatamsaka, according to some people, says, the most profound way to see the self is like the crescent through our gauze.

[09:03]

But usually, you know, in years gone by, I would think, oh, See the self clearly. See like this appearance of a self. See all the misconceptions about the self, around the self. See that all clearly. And, you know, yeah, not be confused about it. I see the self is confusion. Or I see me. But then it's also seeing the self. The self sees me.

[10:08]

And that is clear. That's like the full moon. However, the highest is that the clear view of the moon mixed with the confused, not mixed, interpenetrates with the obscured view. Now, in the later years I'm become more accepting of the moon being viewed through the ivy. Now I look down on the unobscured moon and the big relief from all obstruction. I honor that. But now I equally honor

[11:13]

the moon, all confused with misconceptions. The afflicted moon is no less important than the unafflicted moon. But there are these two moons. And then again, which one is this? Is this one or the other of those moons? Or is it how they totally pivot on each other? Is it the middle way between the clear, bright, perfect, unafflicted, peaceful moon looked at through intense affliction? The other thing I wanted to bring up today was, which is related perhaps, I feel, is a place in the instructions for the ceremony of sitting meditation, Fukanzazengi.

[12:35]

There's a place in there where it says something like, suppose... Suppose, you know, suppose you — the translation says you — suppose you are proud of your understanding and rich with gaining the wisdom that knows at a glance and attaining the way and clarifying the mind Sounds pretty good. I've always thought, that sounds pretty good. The proud part, but all the other stuff sounds really good. Wisdom that runs through all things. Clarifying the mind. And then the next part's, again, a little bit more question, easier to realize, maybe we should question. Attaining, attaining the way, clarifying the mind, and arousing the aspiration ...

[13:40]

reached the heavens. So I've read that thousands of times, and every time I read it I think, that does sound good. That sounds good. Even with the pride. It sounds like, who would not be proud? And the next part says, which also keeps surprising me, one translation is, you are playing around the entranceways, but are still showing the path of emancipation. Okay? Let's do it the way we usually do it. Ready? Suppose one gains — a little louder — suppose one gains pride of understanding, Glimpsing the wisdom that runs through all things.

[14:46]

Attaining the way and clarifying the mind. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is like you're in the entryway of the practice. And one translation says you lack. You know, you're at the entryway and you lack it. Another one says you lack it somewhat. So whenever I hear the somewhat, I say, well, that's kind of polite. And say there is some lacking in the vital way of emancipation. I confess that about 37 years ago, after going through an initiation, big initiation, I kind of thought, well, I think now it's time to escalate the very sky.

[15:51]

Now I think actually I can fly. Now I can do what I've always wanted. Now I can practice with no hindrance. How nice. Now I can see the moon with no hindrance. I didn't take off at that time. I didn't take off without checking with the flight control center. I didn't say to the sangha, is it all right with you if I start flying? I didn't ask them. And so I didn't take off. If I had taken off, they would have said, we didn't say you could fly. But I didn't kind of think I could.

[16:53]

Because I think I was kind of understanding, which I don't think I thought I got it. I thought it came to me. But still. Yeah. Now, the Chinese character, which is translated as Satori, and which is in Here, when it says, you, you know, awakened, that when all things come forth and realize you, that's awakening. It's realizing you, it's awakening. And the character for awakening is a combination of the radical for mind and you. It's a personal awakening. Everything comes forward and realizes you. That's a personal waking up to that you are everything coming forward and nothing more. I am nothing more than all things at this moment.

[18:02]

And realizing themselves and me, that's like pretty clear full moon. And that wisdom runs through everything. However, I would say in a way, it lacks the vital way. The vital way is in communion with delusion. So it isn't just a wonderful full moon, unobstructed. It's the wonderful full moon viewed through ivy. Vaguely. You can't really get a hold of it. But if it's really that clear, it's hard not to get it. Viewing the moon through the ivy, and how about viewing the ivy through the moon?

[19:09]

That's possible too. You're up in the moon looking down at the ivy. Got the moon lighting it for you. This story might be relevant. Can you hear it? You do? Okay, so I heard, I didn't hear it face to face, but I heard somehow the Dalai Lama said that when he was a little boy at a certain point in his childhood, people told him that he was of the bodhisattva of great compassion. They didn't say you are Avalokiteshvara bodhisattva. They said you're an emanation of it. You're like bodhi's great compassion is practicing you.

[20:19]

They told him that. And he just didn't get it. He didn't go around thinking, I'm Avalokiteshvara, I'm great compassion. But he did hear, great compassion is you. He wasn't thinking, I'm practicing great compassion. He got the message, great compassion is practicing in the world as you. He got that part. In other words, he wasn't deluded. At least not in that story. And when he was, I think, about 70, he said, was when I heard him tell the story, he said, now that I'm about 70, I can kind of see it. I would say, in other words, I'm finally beginning to be a little deluded and thinking that I'm a Valokiteshvara.

[21:28]

But it's not like you shouldn't think that, because that would be like avoiding the wonderful... Ivy is what makes possible the most developed view of reality, not separating obstruction from illumination, bringing the illumination and the duration into full intimacy. After this brief discussion, the crescent moon being, you know, seen vaguely, there's quite a bit of discussion in our tradition of this kind of like these full moons, crescent moons, and obstruction and all that, which I might bring up.

[22:40]

Maybe what I just said was a lot. and maybe if there's time someday later I'll share with you some discussions that Zen monks have had about full and crescent moons and how they relate to each other. And how, you know, full and crescent are part of the deal. It's not just full moons. It's not just new moons. It's not just crescent moons. It's all of that working together throughout the month and throughout the year. And by the way, Happy New Year. It's the Lunar New Year. And all over China, People are trying not to get a very serious virus. Huge cities are quarantined. New Year's.

[23:41]

So, yeah, I think we can pray for the well-being of millions of Chinese people who are at risk right now of getting a serious virus. And some of them already are, I think, Thousands already are, and it's spread to Europe and the United States a little bit. And it's Chinese New Year's. So it's a very challenging time for people in China, and I pray for great compassion. I'm not done with the suppose you're full of confidence and so on.

[24:53]

I'm not done with that, but I feel with this, looking at this story is helping me feel more intimate with it and understand it in a more encouraging and this kind of hands-on way. And also I feel happy to move forward into a more intimacy with the teaching about gazing at the moon through a gauze net. Is there anything you want to talk about? I can see you, sort of. I can see there's Brooke smiling. I can't tell if the Lindas are smiling. Is there anything you want to offer?

[25:59]

The Dharma talk. Yes. Yes. Would you like to use a microphone? No? A tiny bit more? Is that okay? All right, so... Here's people... like twelve or thirteen hundred years ago in China, I guess they've heard about these moons. Moons are not a real new thing in China to be talking about. So in the story we quoted, the conversation between Guishan and his lovely student, Yangshan,

[27:11]

Yangshan was, of all things, he was gazing with a friend of his named Shandao. And Yangshan asked Shandao, when the moon is a crescent, where did the round shape go? And when it's full, where does the crescent shape go? I am carefully restraining commenting. And you are too, right? At least out loud. Did some comments come up in you? Okay, so then Shandao says, when it's a crescent, the round shape is full.

[28:20]

When it's full, the crescent shape remains. May I encourage you to apply this conversation to delusion and enlightenment. Apply it to the story. Is that not Buddha's wisdom? Is that not ignorance? Okay, so that story happened, and then not too long later, contemporaries of Yangshan, closer to our lineage, Yun Yan, the teacher of Dongshan, Yun Yan said, his friend, his Dharma buddy, Da Wu, who also had discussions about moons, which I've alluded to.

[29:28]

Yeah, these guys talked about moons a lot. Chinese are really into moons, it seems like, like they have moon ceremonies. last full moon was sometimes called the wolf moon. So Yun Yan said to his friend Da Wu, when it's a crescent, the round shape remains. Up above he said, when it's a crescent, the round shape is concealed. Right? When it's a crescent, the round shape is concealed. Yun-Yen, a little bit different understanding. When it's a crescent, the round shape remains. When it's full, the crescent shape does not exist.

[30:33]

And then Da Wu said, when it's a crescent, yet it's not a crescent. When it's full, it's not full. That's a little bit more. There's more, but that's enough, okay? Just think about it. This is the dynamic relationship between full and new or crescent. And add on to it that you're looking at this through ivy. Sometimes in Asia, this little piece of wood I carry, It's actually a tree. It's a piece of wood sculpted in the form of a tree. And the tree is full of herons. There's herons in the tree here. Herons or maybe they're cranes. Anyway, the big birds in the tree. And you can look at the moon through this tree. You can also look at people through this tree.

[31:39]

You can come and look through if you want to. Anyway, Asian people sometimes, they love to go moon-blowing, and sometimes they bring with them a pine branch or something to hold up to look at the moon, rather than just like... Yes? exclusive of each other. Something could be present and we can see it at the same time. Yes, right. Yeah. For example, complete perfect enlightenment could be present. Right now, the true Dharma could be present. And concealed. And someone might say, why, and actually it says in here, why does the fundamental, why does the immutable knowledge of all Buddhas take the form of the fundamental affliction of ignorance?

[32:42]

How come? Why does that happen? And one Zen master might say, to thicken the plot. Do you understand that, thinking of the plot? Sometimes it's maybe just not very interesting for people. Things just right out in the open all day long. So let's cover it up. Because they might just take it for granted. Like I sometimes watch Suzuki Roshi walk around San Francisco and a lot of people didn't notice that this was a really nice guy. He was right there, but... Some people noticed, but a lot of people would miss it because it's right out in the open. If he had walked around with a big branch in front of him. But he didn't. Around him, the ceiling, him, was his wonderful students.

[33:45]

which reminds me of a story about him and me. You want to hear? Do you? So, again, I just can't believe it happened. He said to me one time, I want to give you a Dharma talk. I think he said lecture. We didn't say Dharma talk so much back in the 60s and 70s. He said, I want to give you a lecture, I think. and I forgot what it was, but about something. And he said, but it's not something I... I don't want to talk about it in the Buddha hall. So we went up into his Dzogchen room and he sat down, cross-legged, and I sat right in front of him. And he gave me this... he just gave his... to me in the form of a discussion about something. Probably, it was probably like the Sandokai, you know, merging of difference and unity. It wasn't about a Zen story, I would have remembered that, but it's probably about some Buddhist poem, like the merging of difference and unity.

[34:58]

But it might have been Precious Mere Samadhi. Anyway, he gave me this wonderful talk. This person took part of his life and gave it to this young priest for a pretty long time. And I sat there full of gratitude and also very much struggling to stay awake for this great gift. And basically I was asleep most of the time. And I was very embarrassed and, you know, I felt bad being sleeping while he was giving this to me. And he didn't say, what are you doing? How could you sleep through this? I never remember sleeping in the Buddha hall when he was giving a talk. Maybe I did, but I don't remember. But maybe I wouldn't know.

[35:59]

Nobody ever told me, they said, Tenshi, how could you sleep through Roshi's talk? No one ever said that to me. I don't think I did. I might not have. I was usually quite interested and also in pain. Anyway, this time I was not in pain. But I was sleeping through this precious moment, and it went on for a long time. And after it was over he said, how could you have slept through this? He didn't say that to me. I don't know how it even ended. I mean, I know that I left the room, but I don't know what prompted me to leave the room. If he got up and walked out, I don't think he did. I don't think he walked out and left me there. He did do that on another occasion. where he was talking to me and he said, excuse me. And I think he said excuse me because he had to go upstairs and lead service, noon service. And he told me to stay there.

[37:02]

But this case, it just ended and I just felt pretty bad the rest of the day and have felt pretty bad ever since. I still feel pretty bad about it. But I carry on quite nicely and full of gratitude that that amazing thing happened. that the person I most wanted to listen to was giving me teachings, and I fell asleep. And I don't, you know, this is like something. I don't know what it is. I don't know if it's like viewing the moon's net. But there was God's net there. And maybe the moon, and he was there, so the moon, maybe it was there. And it was hard to stay awake looking at the gauze net, I guess, of my own mind, right? Here's this teaching. How boring my mind.

[38:02]

I can't stay awake for it. I can't stay awake for the ivy. I'm going to sleep back here. I tell you that story so you know it and you can transmit it because I think it's an amazing story of our tradition. that our founder gave a lecture to someone he cared about, and that person slept. I think it's an important story. It's an important piece of history. Please take care of it, and maybe you can understand it someday. I'm still and what did he teach me at that time? Did I receive it? Is it in me? Did he put me to sleep so he could pour it in? Dogen Zenji said, when you receive the Dharma, you're invariably drunk. Anything else you want to bring up?

[39:09]

Yes, Linda? I just wondered if you ever went back to him and said, I'm sorry, that was... I did not do that. No, no. Not on that... I think... I didn't think I had much hope that he didn't notice. I think he did notice. I was right. Now, if he was asleep he wouldn't have noticed. But he didn't... talking to me. I could see that, you know. I didn't fall over or anything like that. I was there and trying to stay awake. I think he saw me. I think Siddharth Garshi saw me. I think he saw me. I think he saw love. I think he loved us. I think he saw us. And we, and yeah. I'm not saying I shouldn't have said, I'm sorry.

[40:10]

I just, but it didn't occur to me. And one more thing I'd like to say to you. Thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance during this intensive to exercise my saying, I'm sorry. I appreciate that I've been able to say I'm sorry to the group and to individuals. I'm not sorry that I got the chance to say I'm sorry. And I'm grateful to you that I'm sorry. As Ray Charles says, Sorry is the hardest word to say. I know that's true, but that's what the name of the song is. Sorry is hard to say. But it's a really good thing to do. It's the purest practice to say you're sorry. And so thank you for helping me, giving me opportunities to say I'm sorry. Sometimes when I talk about confession and repentance, I feel like, am I doing that enough?

[41:17]

I haven't said I'm sorry to anybody for hours and hours. Maybe even for days I haven't said I'm sorry. But I've noticed during this intensive I've said sorry, you know, not a thousand times, but I think more than a hundred. And the more I say it, The more comfortable I am and the more happy I am while I'm saying it. People might say, you shouldn't be so happy when you say you're sorry. You shouldn't be happy when you feel sorrow. Someone might say that, but nobody did yet. That's an opportunity for you to tell me. But actually, sometimes it is a great joy to say you're sorry, to really mean it and say you're sorry. For me it is. I just thought of it recently and I said, I'm sorry. And I was so happy when I said it. Thank you for supporting me and receiving my apologies.

[42:26]

I hope I can continue. Is that enough for today? May our intention...

[42:46]

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