True body of faith. Chanting this vow again and again, I heard the echo of the Lotus Sutra. Did you? I hear in that chant so much of the teachings which the Lotus Sutra offers, which pervaded the body of our ancestor, Ehe Dogen. We could spend eons studying and enjoying his wonderful vow. But since this is a lotus assembly, let's look at the sutra.

[01:02]

And the part of the sutra I'd like to look at today is often called chapter four. The title of the chapter is Faith and Understanding. And I know many of you have read the chapter. And the chapter starts out with four of the leaders, along with Shariputra, four of the great leaders of the assembly of the Shravakas, the assembly of... the disciples who have faithfully listened to the Buddha for a long time. So the Shariputra has, as you know, in the last chapter, we're told that Shariputra received assurance of his Buddhahood and he received a new name, which he will realize in the future, which is Flower Light Tathagata.

[02:23]

And this new group of four have the names Subuti and Mahakatyayana and Mahakashyapa and Mahamagalyana. These three historical persons are in the Lotus Sutra. They were among the leading disciples of the Buddha. And they are very happy now to hear the assurance of Shariputra that he is the future generation in the form of the great Buddha flower light, the Tathagata.

[03:36]

Just like now, when we see young people, we refer to them as sometimes the next generation, or we refer to them as the future generation. They're living right with us. We look at their precious bodies and minds and we call them the future generation. We say to them, you are the future generation. At the same time, they're the present person. So Shariputra is the present Shariputra and Shariputra is the future Buddha. And the Buddha is saying, all of you who are here today are also the future generation. You will all become Buddhas. It isn't just you who are Buddha.

[04:45]

It's you together with Buddha who are Buddha. And you together with all beings who are Buddha, who are together with Buddha. And these disciples hear this teaching, have heard this teaching, and they also say again that this they never heard before. They studied with the Buddha so long, and now they hear a new teaching that they are the future of the Buddha way. And they also just like we are, we are the present assembly of the Buddha way, and we are the future of the Buddha way. We have the opportunity to accept the responsibility of being the future of the Buddha way, of being future Buddhas.

[05:48]

We are future Buddhas, and we are present ordinary people. We have the responsibility to meet ordinary people who are also future Buddhas and to respect them as future Buddhas, all of them, all of them, moment by moment. Meet them, discuss with them, negotiate the way with them, find a way of accord. with all future Buddhas you meet, and you, the future Buddha, together with the other future Buddhas, and you, the future Buddha, with all the past Buddhas, all these Buddhas together. In this way, we will realize the reality of all things.

[06:53]

This is our unending and unbeginning path. And the disciples have heard about it and they're very happy. They're very happy. And they say, again, this is something we receive now that we've never received before. This, this, what do you call it? This refrain goes on and on, on and on. We have received something we've never received before. And Not only that, but we didn't receive it because we were trying to get it. We weren't trying to get assurance that we would be Buddhas. As a matter of fact, we heard the Buddha talking about the path to Buddhahood, but we thought, well, that has nothing to do with us. We're your disciples. You taught us the Dharma, and we attained some kind of nirvana, and we're cool with that.

[07:58]

And we never imagined that we would be a Buddha, that we would actually be like our teacher, equal to our teacher. It didn't occur to us. And now we're old and tired. And so before we heard this from you, we thought, we're done. We're cooked. We're cool. We're at peace. We've attained the nirvana which the Buddha skillfully taught us. We didn't understand that the nirvana you taught us was actually a skillful device on our path to Buddhahood. Now we do. We're so happy to receive this news. And again, without seeking it, unexpectedly, we have received something very great and good.

[09:02]

An immeasurable treasure has been given to us. At the end of Dogen Zenji's basic meditation text for everybody called the universal instructions for the ceremony of seated meditation, for the ceremony of the Buddha activity. At the end it says, the treasure store will open of itself and you may use it at will. our Zazen practice, without seeking it, is given to us, and we may use it at will. Then these four great disciples, who now understand that they always have been bodhisattvas, and the Buddha has always been teaching them the one Buddha vehicle of Buddhahood,

[10:21]

They express how they feel and how they see this by telling the Buddha a parable. He said, it's like there was once a child, a son who left his father and ran away. these great disciples are saying, we're like a child who leaves their parents and runs away. We were with the Buddha, but we kind of ran away from the Buddha because we never thought that we would actually be

[11:23]

a Buddha and for us to run away from us to not accept that we will be Buddha is like running away from Buddha. So we have this practice of going for refuge in Buddha which means to go back home to Buddha which we ran away from because of our mind operating that way. we don't think we actually are a future Buddha. So these great disciples, in a way, they say it's like they ran away from their parent. And then this son wandered around, lost, forgetting his family, and became more and more poor, and desperate, impoverished, and miserable. Fifty years he wandered hand to mouth, miserable.

[12:42]

After he went away, his His father, his parent, always thought of him and wondered where he was and searched everywhere for him, but couldn't find him. Then after 50 years, by chance, oh, and also, the father moved away from his original hometown to live somewhere else and he became immeasurably wealthy. So this parable allows the possibility that we originally were born together with a future very wealthy parent.

[13:46]

and that we wandered away. But the parent, who is our own flesh and blood, became very wealthy. And we, in our wandering, became poor. Now, when we reunite to our parents, we begin the next phase of the story. By chance, in his wandering, the poor son just happens to come to the town where his father has moved to and wanders right up to the gate of his father's magnificent, opulent mansion and sees his father and all his attendants and is frightened. He thinks, this is not a good place for me. This must be a king or something.

[14:51]

These people might see me and apprehend me and put me into forced labor or worse. So I said, I better get out of here. And he runs away. When he saw his long lost family, he was frightened and ran away. And at that moment, his father also saw him and immediately saw and recognized himself in him and he recognized his son in himself. This is my son. He was so happy to see his son. So he sent some of his attendants, some of his employees to run after his son and apprehend him and bring him back as quickly as possible. And they did.

[15:57]

They caught up with him, apprehended him, and started to bring him back. The son was terrified. He thought he was being captured and put into, again, forced labor or slavery. And he says, let go of me. I've done nothing wrong. Let me go. But they held him even more strongly and he fainted out of fear of what he didn't understand was his own family and his own future. Fainting in fear of our future. His father from a distance saw what was going on and realized his son was not ready to return to the embrace of his father. So he somehow called out to the attendants and said, let him go.

[17:06]

Sprinkle some water on him and let him go. Don't force him to come back. And they did. And he did wake up and they let him go. realizing that his child was not ready for this wonderful reunion for the news that he would become a Buddha. The story doesn't say that. I'd say it. But anyway, he was unready to receive this great treasure, which he was not looking for. He was just looking for some food for the day. not ready for the great treasure. So the father saw that he wasn't ready and got an idea. And the father sent some of his attendants dressed in ragged, dirty clothes, looking miserable and poor,

[18:17]

to, again, go search for the son, apprehend him, and offer him a job. And if you ask what the job is, tell him it's a job of shoveling dung in the stables. So they do catch up with him, and they do offer them a job, and the son is happy to receive it. By the way, I missed one point of the story, which is when the attendants let the son go, the son was relieved and happy. And the son thought, I have now received something which I never had before when he was released from the potential slavery. Now, he does not rejoice in the same way. He doesn't say, I never received this before when he got the job because he had gotten other jobs.

[19:21]

But this job was a little bit better than the ones he had before. This job was a skillful means of his father who just wants to give him his right inheritance. his rightful inheritance. He wants to give it to him. But he can't, son's not ready for it. So he gives him this expedient, this temporary means to start getting ready to receive his inheritance. All these skillful means that the Buddhas have given, that the disciples of Buddha have given us over the centuries, over the millennia, all these skillful means are just to help us open to Buddha's wisdom. We have to open first.

[20:24]

And so the dung shoveling was given to the son and he shoveled dung for 20 years. In the process, the father saw him working on these skillful devices and actually put on a disguise of tattered dirty clothes and covered himself with dirt and went down and visited the son and praised the son's work on these skillful means. And he actually said to the son, working in the stable, shoveling the dung, you're just like, I'm just like your father. I really appreciate your work. I'm just like your father, and you're just like my son. He starts to open up the son, so he starts to tell the son the truth.

[21:33]

Little by little, the son, his confidence, in his ability to receive something really good, grows. And again, after 20 years, the father comes to him because the father is starting to feel ill. And he feels it's time for the son, if possible, to come into the great house and start to share in the work of the great house, to start to accept responsibility for our family business. I told him he was just like my son, but like my son. So the father goes down, and I guess this time it doesn't say in the sutra, but the father goes down, not dressed in rags, but dressed in his

[22:44]

nice, clean, soft clothes, and invites the son to come to the house and learn the family business. And now the son has enough confidence to approach the palace-like house and learn what was going on, to become an accountant for all the wealth of the family, to become entrusted with the care of the great gifts of the family. And after doing that for some time, his confidence grew even more. And the father gave him more responsibilities for the family business. And then the father gets really close to the end of his life. And he has the son organize a great assembly. And the king of the country, all his ministers and attendants, all the dignitaries of the land, all the relatives of the father, and all the people of the country

[24:10]

are invited to come to a great assembly and witness the transmission of the treasures. And the father says to the assembled people, this person here who organized this meeting is my actual father. blood, son. He's just like me, and I'm just like him. Originally, his name was such and such, and my name was such and such before I came here. But he ran away from our home long ago, 50 years or more, 70 years now.

[25:15]

He ran away from our home 70 years ago or more and got lost and became desperate and impoverished. And by chance, he came back here and has now become ready to accept his inheritance as I pass away. And he becomes the next generation. He is really my son. He is really my child. And he will now become the next generation of this family. And the son hearing this thought Here's the refrain again. Without seeking this, without doing anything to get it, this great treasure has come to me of itself.

[26:21]

And then the four great disciples say that this is, the Buddha is like this father and we are like the children, the child. So this is the story from the Lotus Sutra, the parable. And I've been working on a book for quite a while which uses this story as the structure for the bodhisattva path. In this story we can see the outline of Zen practice. the various phases in the process. We were born together with the Buddha. Before the Buddha was Buddha, we were born together with Buddha, and we grew up with Buddha, and now we're ready to meet Buddha face-to-face, or not quite ready.

[27:30]

We're getting ready to fully meet Buddha face-to-face, together with Buddha, together with everybody we meet face-to-face. Buddha to Buddha, we're ready to realize the truth of all things. We're ready, we're ready, we're ready. And all this whole enterprise, the stables with the animals and the dung, the treasure house, all the attendance and services, all these things which were used as skillful means just for this son to be back with his father, just for reunion, just for this great family reunion and realization and transmission, all these skill and means are still there to be used to help promote future generations.

[28:37]

They're not thrown out. We keep all these opportunities in the family business. So that's a short summary of the beginning of chapter four. And again, the name of the chapter is Faith and Understanding. And this is faith in this teaching to read it. but also to question it. Because this teaching actually requires faith to understand, but also it requires understanding. And understanding comes by studying this story and discussing this story, which we, I think, can begin now. So the Great Assembly is invited to begin

[29:40]

the negotiation of this story, to begin the discussion of this parable, to offer your questions and views of this parable. We will begin with an offering from Diane. Good morning. Good morning. And thank you. Yeah. Good morning. And good morning, everybody in this beautiful assembly. My question or my observation is that I think both the son and the four disciples, the four Shravakas are being a little modest about

[30:41]

When they say they did nothing to that, that all of this is being offered to them, just kind of, it seems like they're saying it's being offered to them out of the blue. They did nothing to deserve it, but 20 years of hard labor wandering around for 50 years in tatters and then gradually earning trust and earning confidence in himself. I think that's doing something. And these four guys who were practicing the way that they were taught for all those years, and now they're old, it's not like they didn't pause it they didn't it's not like they didn't bring something about so why is this response continually um you know offered in the story that we did nothing and it's being offered to us now this great gift i mean i think there's and in the chant that you offered in the beginning um

[31:48]

acknowledging ancient twisted karma and continually confessing and, you know, owning the deeds that we've done that haven't been upstanding mistakes we've made, et cetera. All of those are actions that I think to me, it seems like they paved the way for this great awakening to be bestowed. So can you help me understand that or us understand that? Well, while you were talking, I thought, I thought, great, thank you so much, Diane. That's what I thought. And I also thought, this is why this conversation is so important. I could have brought up the point you just made, Diane, when I was going through the story. However, I think it's better for me not to. and for you to do it, and you did it.

[32:52]

So, Diane's saying, these people didn't do nothing. The son worked hard, went through lots of trouble and suffering, and then when he got the job in the stables, he worked hard and diligently, and the father praised his diligent work. And then when he moved into the house, he continued to work diligently and use his intelligent human mind For good. He did all those things. He didn't do nothing. He was making effort all the time. So why did the disciples told this story? Why did they say that this came to us without us intending it? It came to us of itself. The son worked hard and he had to work hard because if he hadn't have worked hard, he would not have been able to accept what was given to him. But what was given to him was not given to him because he worked hard.

[33:56]

Because his father would have given it to him when he first showed up. He wanted to give it to him right away. And the work the son was doing, he was not doing it to become the heir of this great family. He had no idea like that. So these disciples had been working hard and they had attained, they had practiced the Buddha's skillful means. They had shoveled the dung. But they had no idea that they were shoveling, that they were doing these skillful means to become a Buddha. They thought they were shoveling dung to get nirvana. Nirvana. personal freedom from suffering. And they did. Just like the son thought he was shoveling diligently and honestly to receive shelter, clothing, and food, which he received.

[35:00]

He had no idea that he was actually doing this work, which was not necessary. He could have just walked up to the house and let those people bring him in and accepted it. It could be, but these great disciples couldn't do it. They couldn't accept the Buddha's gift. They couldn't let the treasure store open of itself and use it at will. They had to work hard to attain this nirvana. Again, this story is these people had not heard about the possibility of becoming successors of Buddha. However, if we didn't go through that process, we still... After all this time of working hard, they were ready to realize that they were always Buddhas and they didn't have to do anything to be Buddhas because they always were. The work just helped them get ready to accept that they didn't have to do anything to be Buddha, that they already were.

[36:03]

So this is part of the... wondrous kind of irony of the teaching here is that we don't have to do anything. It comes to us of itself because it's our nature. Our nature is we, together with Buddhists, that's what we are. What we are is together with Buddhists. And we have no idea of that. And even if we have idea of it, that's not it. But these people didn't seek it. and the son didn't seek it. However, the Buddha was trying to give it to them all along. And finally now, here's the Lotus Sutra, and the Buddha does give it to these great disciples, and the great disciples say, they say, without intending, without seeking anything of this treasure, without seeking the treasure, It comes to us of itself. But they knew they worked hard and they were tired.

[37:06]

They're old and tired from working so hard all those years. They knew they had worked hard and they had attained something. They had followed the Buddha's teachings faithfully. And because they had, they were ready to receive something, which the Buddha says you already had from the beginning. You were always my children. You never weren't my daughter. But when you saw me, you ran away. So now I can say, hey, I'll give you some, here, here's some nirvana. And you came back and worked hard. So, yeah, thank you so much, Diane, for bringing up this point. And many other points I didn't address will come up now. Diane. Looks like you want to start. I just have one other, a little more. You said, that it was just, it was available for them from the beginning, but in their hearts, they must have been asking for something.

[38:14]

They were suffering and they looked for a solution to their suffering. So they happened upon the Buddha with, so it did come from inside them. Just like, I have to say something. I have to tell you this. In like the 1970s, I was living in New York City and I was really depressed and seeking. I didn't know for what. And somebody came up to me and offered me the Lotus Sutra to chant. And they wouldn't tell us what it meant. And I chanted it and it did relieve my suffering and it did give me a sense of some kind of purpose that I was chanting for world peace and I was chanting for other people and I was chanting for myself. And all these years I've been wandering because I left them and I've been wandering poor and, you know, desperate.

[39:18]

And now here I am learning about the Lotus Sutra. Anyway, that's, I just had to say that. Thank you. Well, thank you for saying it. Thank you. Yeah. And the Buddha understands that that son, that those great disciples, he understands that they are calling to her and they're saying that please transmit Buddhahood with us. He understands that, but he also sees they're not ready. That's what they really are asking me. Everybody's really asking the Buddha to do Buddhahood with, Buddhas do Buddhahood together. That's what everybody wants. We're all calling to Buddha, not just for compassion, But like the chant says, we're also calling Buddha to free us from karmic effects, which are a hindrance to us accepting what Buddha wants to give. But the way Buddha wants to give it is not Buddha down to not Buddha, but Buddha wants to give it mutually.

[40:24]

And we're asking Buddha, please give the Dharma to us mutually. Let us give you the Dharma. Let us be your successor. That's what they're really asking, but they don't know it. They don't know that's what they're asking for. They think they're asking for personal freedom from suffering or lunch or some clothes or some peace and freedom. Yes, we want some peace and freedom. Yes, we want to get through the day, yeah. But when we try to get through, every day we try to get through, we're really calling for Buddhahood. That's what the scripture is saying. And the Buddhahood knows that. Our Buddhahood, which is looking at us, knows that that's what we really want. But if it would give it directly, we would say we would run away. So it gives us an indirect way. So again, this story, just like chapter three, people are really wanting Buddhahood.

[41:32]

The one, like in chapter three, they really want the one white ox cart for everybody. But they don't know that. So they get misdirection. They get indirection, indirect misdirection. instruction and that works to get them to come out and open to the one vehicle and here too the the father tries to directly offer the son his inheritance but he's he can't accept it so he indirectly offers it to him by the skillful means of working in the stables working in the house and then finally he can accept it so that's part of the story is you got the skill and means of the lotus sutra text That was part of the skill and means of you becoming ready to accept your Buddhahood. And to practice that with everybody.

[42:34]

This is your story. This is like your parable. Because you always have been asking for Buddhahood, which is your right, which is your inheritance, which is your blood and body and flesh and skin. It's all of you. And we have to do this confession and repentance in order to melt away our resistance to receiving what we're asking for. I don't want this, but you asked for it. No, I didn't. Okay, okay. Maybe later. So thank you so much, Diane. This is a very important point, which you make. And a wonderful parable. Thank you. And also, all of you may, you all may have your own parable to share.

[43:37]

Your own Lotus Sutra parable. We have an offering from Megan. Good morning. Great assembly and rev. Yeah, I'm really deeply appreciating this study and this intensive and this opportunity. So thank you. And thank you everybody who's been showing your and acknowledging your fear doing so and giving me confidence to offer, to make an offering. And I'll just say also one thing that I've been really appreciating in these last days is this teaching of being wholeheartedly and compassionately meeting all the beings in my mind. So thank you for that. That has been, yeah, very alive.

[44:42]

Um, so something in reading and I, this kind of, I think builds on what you were just saying to Diane, but, um, I've been struck by skillful means a little differently in the, having this phrase of like the ends justifying the means come up and feeling, um, kind of curious about maybe the shadow side or what I'm thinking of maybe like the near enemies of this expedient means of it seeming manipulative and deceptive and perhaps like, yeah, based on superiority and knowing what people need when they don't know. And that's, yeah, just making me bristle a little, I think. And okay, it's okay when it's coming from the world honored one in these stories. And I'm just curious like how to relate that to my self as I kind of continually learn humility and like acknowledging when I'm manipulating.

[45:51]

Yeah, so I'm curious what, how to take these skillful means. Well, here's another example of, I could have brought this up, but it's better that you do. Because this is another issue in this story. To see some manipulation of the father, of the Buddha, towards the disciples. To give them this nirvana thing. To kind of manipulate them to get ready for the real gift. Which... which the Buddha could give right away, but they weren't ready. So he massaged them. He lied to them, he might say, by saying, here, here's nirvana. Here's satori. Here's kensho. So Buddha seemed to do that. And then what about us, ordinary people, who are future Buddhas, doing that kind of thing? And again, part of the wonder of this teaching is that

[46:55]

It's not like you got this nice Buddha and there's no manipulation or deception in this Buddha. The way Buddha uses this manipulation to teach people is also the way the people are teaching the Buddha. People are deceiving the Buddha, so the Buddha uses deception to help them become free of deception. Our Buddha mind includes all the deceivers. And the way the Buddha mind interacts with the deceivers is sometimes by deception or counter-deception or pivoting the deception and sharing the deception. This process of, again, deception, lying, twining vines, complications, they're all within the Buddha's enlightenment. And this sutra is saying, look what's in Buddha's mind.

[47:59]

All these skillful means, but also sometimes they look like deception. They look manipulative. That's because he's meeting beings. She's meeting beings where they're at. She's not saying, you should have different desires. You should have better desires. You shouldn't have manipulative desires. You shouldn't be trying to fix people. But people have that in their minds. They want to fix themselves. They want to fix others. So Buddha says, oh, I got a really good fix for you. A fix that's better than the one you've been doing. Look at this great fix. And they go running after it. But they're running. They're in Buddha's mind at that time. And the manipulations in our mind, like you're saying before, they are calling for compassion. The manipulations in our mind are future Buddhists. And Buddhists looking at these manipulations and coming to meet them and bending and twisting to meet them on their own terms.

[49:04]

And then together they fly free to what they're asking for. We think that the World Honored One wouldn't have all these manipulations in her head. But we're all in the Buddha's head, in the Buddha's mind, and all of our stuff's in there. And Buddha's learning what to give by what we give the Buddha. So we say, can you give me a way to manipulate myself out of this problem? And the Buddha meets us there. Can you tell me a trick I could do, a lie I could tell, a device I could use? Now the Buddha's thinking, she just wants me to tell her that she's a future Buddha, but she's not ready for that. She wants to fix this thing. So I don't tell her, by the way, dear, did you know you're a future Buddha? Did you know you're actually the same as me? And you say, I don't want to hear about that.

[50:05]

I just want to know how to fix this problem. Leave me alone. Let me go. Fix my problem or give me a way to fix the problem. So the Buddha says, okay, I'll fix it. Or, okay, here's how to fix it. And then we fix it and we're happy. And now we hear the Buddha telling us that we do not need to be fixed because we are Buddha. We don't need fixing. We just need to practice it. And we don't need to practice it in order to be it. We need to practice it in order to enjoy it. it includes everything and that's really hard to understand and accept that buddha's mind includes everybody in the universe and everything in our mind no matter how petty that petty thing is calling to realize buddha's great wisdom and compassion in that form however it does not want

[51:07]

the Buddha's wisdom and compassion to come in a way that doesn't meet that form. That doesn't like, okay, we got manipulation here. Let's do the manipulation dance. And so Buddha descends into the mud and embraces the mud. And that's how people get ready to accept the lotus flower. So thank you for your question. The content of Buddha's mind is all sentient beings teaching the Buddha what to give them so that they can realize the mind that they're in all the time. Thank you. Thank you for making the point. One of the most important points here. We have an offering from Reverend Katherine Gammon.

[52:09]

Happy New Year. Happy New Year. I have not felt I could say Happy New Year until this day, so I'm very happy to have said it. Right before we be... Go ahead, what? You couldn't really be happy until today. I didn't really feel it was the start of the new year, happy or otherwise. But right before we gathered, I watched the ceremony of oath giving and I burst into tears quite a few times. So I appreciate that this is happening right in the middle of our great assembly. Yeah. Yeah. So I want to... I have... Several little things I want to say, but I also want to ask about something. So... I heard yesterday something I've never heard before.

[53:15]

When you said... You said of yourself, I am an alcoholic. And I want to ask you something about that, if I can. But first, I want to say some things about my own... I don't know, journey. The first day of this retreat, January 11th, was the 37th year of my continuous sobriety, the anniversary of that. And thanks to AA, thanks to all the Buddhas that helped me find AA. And 21 years ago today is the anniversary of my mother's death. And yesterday you brought up this question of addiction and specifically alcoholism, but you also brought up a story of, in response, I think to someone's question, the story of a little girl who doesn't know her mother.

[54:18]

And I'm very aware as the older I get, the more aware I am that I didn't really know my mother. even though I was very close to her in the last couple years of her life, taking care of her physically, there was so much of my mother that I did not know, and yet she transmitted it to me. And the other thing that I've become... There's a story you told me once long, long ago, I mean, you know, long ago in relative terms, that the more thoroughly I practiced or that we practice, not only would my story about the past change, but the past itself would actually change. And when you told me that, I didn't really get it.

[55:21]

I mean, I didn't Rejected, but I didn't really get it. But as I'm the age that I am and the years that I've been, more and more that seems completely true. Not just my story of the past, but the depth, deep reality of the past seems transformed or transforming. And so the other thing I heard yesterday, I think yesterday, that I had not heard before, maybe it was the day before, is that among these Buddhas that are with us, that the very Buddha that I will become is with me. I had never conceived of this in such a personal or intimate way as when you expressed it in that language. And I just thank you for that expression. It was another new gift of approaching this sutra once again.

[56:24]

I did have the opportunity when I lived at Green Gulch to study this with Reverend Fu over two practice periods. I think it was an ongoing class and we wrote poems and so on. So it seemed like coming into it that it would be familiar. And I've certainly heard you teach from it in the past. But partly reading this translation that I've never read before, but primarily because of the offerings that you're giving each day and the offerings that everyone in the assembly is giving, it just comes alive all over again. So that's my full gratitude for being here in this very challenging moment that we've all experienced. passed through and hopefully now come entering a new beginning and leaving some of the darker days behind for a little while, at least.

[57:31]

So my question, and so this is just my question, and you can respond to any part of what I wanted to say, but the question that came up, yes. Yes. Could we take a little break here? Can you remember your question? Oh, yes, yes. I respond to some of the things. Then we can go on to your question. So first of all, I want to respond by saying thank you so much. And I'm so glad that you can finally say Happy New Year and feel it. I'm so happy for that. I hope you all can feel Happy New Year now. Also, I wanted to say that what she, Catherine, was moved to tears by seeing some, was it two people or one person? Two people, right? Yeah, it started with Kamala, yeah. Two people made oaths. They made vows. Yes. It's moving to see people make vows for the welfare of this country.

[58:35]

It's amazing. Just like we're making vows here. It's wonderful to see the whole country focusing on people making a commitment. It's so moving. Also, going back to the story of a little girl who wants to be a mother. Just like maybe when you were a little girl at some point, or maybe when you were not a little girl, maybe when you were a young woman, I don't know when, but at some point you may have wished to be a mother before you were a mother. Anyway, some little girls do wish to be a mother before their mother, before they are a mother, but they don't know what that is, but they still wish for it. And then as they become mature, like you are now, They learn that what they think being a mother is, doesn't fully embrace it.

[59:36]

So all little girls and all little boys do want to be Buddhas. And they don't know what that is. But they still want to. They do want to. They're asking for it. They're begging for it. They're praying for it. And they don't even know they are. And even if they do know they're praying for it, like, I want to be a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a good therapist. I want to be a good teacher. I want to be a good nurse. They don't know what that is, but they still want to as long as they want to. But they may stop wanting to be a nurse, but they won't stop wanting to be Buddha because that's what we really want. We want not just nirvana. We want real nirvana, which is Buddha's wisdom. And as we become mature, we realize, oh, by the way, I don't know what that is. And that helps me even want to more. That it's not just my idea of it.

[60:39]

It's something inexpressibly more comprehensive than my idea. It really includes everybody. And it includes compassion for everybody. And I don't know what that is. But I'm giving my life to whatever that is, even though I don't know it. And that's part of being mature, is to accept the unknown of what we wish for. And we do wish for it. And to wake up to, yes, I do wish for something that great. And something that great will come to us with no matter what I do, it's going to come. And it's not coming because of what I do. But what I do has something to do with being able to accept it. So I wanted to respond to the first part of what you said. And now I'm ready for your questions. Okay, you're ready for your question and my question. But I also have to say, I became a mother without an intention to become a mother.

[61:43]

I took the actions that led to becoming a mother, but I did not have the intention to become a mother. And then I did because it was already happening. And, of course, it brought me great joy and great joy to many other people in the person of the daughter who was born. So here was just the question that arose when you... said that you were an alcoholic. Having been through many years of going to meetings and being in recovery in a formal sense in the program of AA, and having known you for a long time and never having heard you say that, the question came to me, Are you saying that in the conventional way in which we people who go through AA say, I'm Catherine, I'm an alcoholic, or were you saying it in a skillful means

[62:46]

form the way my T-shirt says, we are the squad, you know, that I bought to contribute to the wonderful people of the squad when they were under attack. And yet I feel like I've actually never worn the we are the squad T-shirt in public because it feels a little like maybe it would be presumptuous to claim to be the squad. And yet this T-shirt is an act of wholehearted embrace of squaddiness or something. So I just wasn't sure which way or somewhere in between you were making that offering. And I was curious, I could say, and grateful, whichever the answer is, even if there is no answer. Say again, the last part. Grateful, whatever the answer is, and even if there's no answer. You're probably going to be grateful?

[63:49]

I already feel grateful. It's not going to change. Well, I mean, it might grow. Yeah, I think the Great Assembly is probably grateful to you for asking that question. Right, Great Assembly? Aren't you grateful? Yeah. Yeah. And this isn't exactly an answer, and this is more like a response. Yes. So, yeah, should I? So today I put on the I'm an alcoholic T-shirt. I don't usually wear it. And Buddha doesn't usually wear I'm an alcoholic T-shirt. But Buddha is saying I'm an alcoholic. Buddha is saying that. And then you're saying, well, in the conventional sense, Buddha, you know, are you an alcoholic in the conventional sense? And then Buddha says, well, actually, who's in charge of the conventional sense?

[64:54]

Should we do a survey now and find out what is the actual conventional sense? How many drinks do you have to have to be qualified as an alcoholic? Is it have to be 10? A million? Or can anybody say, I'm an alcoholic, even if they never drank anything? Are they allowed to say that? And so in the conventional sense, I'm saying I'm an alcoholic. Well, have I ever drank alcohol? Yes, I have. When I drank it, was there the slightest interest in modifying my consciousness? Was there? Yeah. If there was, I would say, well, there's the addiction. That's the root of addiction. Has there been that in me? Yes. Mm-hmm. I also told a story, which I won't tell the whole thing, but basically I was once in a Zen temple in Japan on the birthday of a famous Zen master.

[66:02]

And he had his disciples passing out beer and sake to the guests. And I was not trying to get drunk, but I also wasn't afraid of getting drunk because I wasn't afraid of getting drunk. I never occurred to me that I would get drunk in this temple. And so they're giving me this alcohol and I'm not afraid. I'm not trying to not get drunk. I'm just receiving it. I'm not wishing they'd give me more. But when they ask me if I want more, I say, no, I've had enough. And they force more on me. I mean, they put their bottle on my glass and I try to resist and they keep pushing. And I just keep resisting. Just a second. The answering machine is on. Okay.

[67:07]

Somebody is calling to save me from credit card debt. So, anyway, I didn't want more And I wasn't going to be too resistant to more. And they were offering me more. And then Richard Baker Roshi was sitting next to me and he said, if you accept their offerings, they'll leave me alone. Because they were doing the same to him. Abbott of Zen Center. They were forcing it on him too. You know, same situation. If you drank it, they would try to put more in. So I just accepted. And they gave me tremendous amounts of alcohol. And I was not addicted at that time. At that time, I wasn't an alcoholic at that moment. And I never got drunk. And I was amazed. That was alcohol. Huh? What? Often it's said if you drink a lot and don't get drunk that that's pretty alcohol.

[68:12]

I drank a lot, didn't get drunk, and so I am an alcoholic. And I hope that no matter how much alcohol you put in me, I don't get drunk. But I'm not going to put it in me. Okay? Unless it would help you. And so you don't have to drink it. Okay, then I'll drink it. But sometimes when nobody's around, I might want to drink a little bit to change my blood sugar level a little bit rather than just eating some rice. But even eating rice is a kind of alcoholism because it's manipulating your blood sugar level. The question is, is there the slightest manipulation there? And if it is, then again, we meet that manipulation. We engage it. so that we can open to what we're really asking for when we reach for a drink. We're really asking for Nirvana, true Nirvana. All the things we're trying to get are really, we're trying to get true Nirvana, which is Buddhist wisdom.

[69:17]

And they call sake in Japan, they call it wisdom water. And I was in a Japanese temple, a different temple, late at night and I got a telephone call from another part of the temple and the abbot said to me, would you like some kusuri? I said, you know, kusuri means medicine. And I said, I'm not sick. He said, he kept saying it and I finally figured out he meant sake. So anyway, yeah, I'm an alcoholic in the sense that Buddha is an alcoholic. I'm an alcoholic in the sense that you're an alcoholic. But I don't start every talk by saying I'm an alcoholic. But I could. I could start every meeting and say, and I'm also in the squad. But maybe people think that maybe that's not helpful for me to say I'm a squad. People say, you're not qualified to say you're a squad.

[70:19]

You're not qualified to say you're an alcoholic. Okay. I hear you. And when they tell me I'm not qualified, they're really asking for Buddha's wisdom. This sutra is saying that's all we're doing all day long. So please get with the program and remember that. Shariputra forgot that he studied with the Buddha with two billion Buddhas and that Buddha taught him that. He forgot that he made the vow to be a Buddha. And in this life, being a great disciple of Buddha, he didn't remember that he already vowed to be a Buddha. Now, before Buddha told him that, he thought that was not possible. So in that sense, I'm always an alcoholic, and I vow to not be better than any alcoholic. not about to not try to be better than my own alcoholism.

[71:21]

Because alcoholism is calling for true nirvana, not just temporary nirvana. In that sense, alcoholism is a spiritual process. Yeah. Well, and recovery from alcoholism is certainly a skillful means. Yeah. The tools of the programs of recovery are totally skillful means. Thank you very much. Thank you very much. I'm sure everyone. This is another example of how I cannot bring everything up. You know, everyone would fall asleep. But if I stop before everything's brought up, you bring it up. There's so much to bring out of these simple parables. Parables are, this wonderful thing about them is almost everything can be brought up in the context of a parable. We have an offering from Caroline.

[72:29]

Hello. Hello. Startled to hear my name called. I didn't think we'd get a name. Thank you, Reb and Great Assembly. It's been wonderful to be together. I do want to share. Yeah, I feel fear speaking in front of everyone. But I was inspired by Megan and wanted to offer something I've been thinking about as you talk about skillful means and as that term is coming up I googled it and I was just curious to learn more about how it's used and what it means and found that one translation is pedagogy and that idea has meant a lot to me in my life Yeah.

[73:38]

And particularly I had a, I guess I've had a few close mentors who were really passionate about skillful pedagogy and about meeting children and supporting their learning and growth and doing, engaging in that process within an education system that is pretty oppressive and often violent and humiliating. So I guess I just wanted to share that, that it's really, feels really beautiful to me to understand what it means for this to be a teaching lineage and for that to be at the heart of this really offering care and honoring the process of teaching and learning, which is so mysterious and wonderful to me. And I'm just really appreciating you as a masterful, courageous teacher, facilitating all of us and harmonizing us together.

[74:51]

And I'm appreciating everyone's participation in Yeah, just the elegance of the shared learning. So I just wanted to share that. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining the pedagogy. And also I appreciate you mentioning that pedagogy is sometimes functioning in the middle of violence and oppression. that the teachers are in systems where the system is oppressive and unjust and violent, and they're showing the students how to deal with oppression, injustice, and violence. And this pedagogy is the content of Buddha's awakening.

[75:54]

That's what's in Buddha's awakening, is pedagogy. Other than that, it's just vast space and infinite light. But the contents of that vast wisdom is teaching and being taught. And good teachers, as I think you know, are the ones who learn from the students. You learn from the students what they need. The Buddha doesn't just walk in and give the teaching. The Buddha walks in and listens. What do you guys need? Well, we need you to leave the room. Okay, thank you. It doesn't mean the Buddha leaves the room, but the Buddha hears. Oh, yeah, you want me to leave the room? No, no, we're just kidding. We're just messing with your teach. Yeah. Oh, thank you. I almost fell for that one. And they're happy to see that. Yeah. Yeah, I think that also it's like that there's a real like playfulness and joy and creativity in that process of someone who's really able to meet.

[77:04]

And many teachers are afraid of children. You know, they're afraid of. And I've had that experience working in classrooms of like, oh, my God, they're going to be mean to me. They're going to make fun of me. They won't listen to me. There's this power. But there's a way that if you listen, it just it just opens. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It just opens if you listen. And if you're open, you listen. And also, there's the question, should the teachers tell the students that they're afraid of them? Should I tell you that I'm afraid of you? Would that help you? Well, it might help you to know, you're afraid of me? I was afraid of you, but I didn't know you were afraid of me. Yeah. The father is afraid of the son. He's afraid of hurting the son. He's really afraid of the son being hurt. So he calls his servants off and thinks of another way. But the father is afraid of the son and the son's afraid of the father and we can meet in that fear.

[78:08]

And you don't necessarily have to tell the children you're afraid of them, but sometimes it might be helpful to say, hey, kids, guess what? Today a teacher has something new to tell you. Guess what it is? They guess. But they don't guess you're afraid of us. But some student might say, you're afraid of us, teacher. And they say, you guessed it. Wonderful that you guessed it. And the students say, how wonderful that you asked and that you could accept us saying that. I just had this vision from first grade when I was six. I had this teacher, a woman teacher, and I don't exactly remember what happened, but anyway, either the wind blew through the room or something anyway happened and her wig got blown off. She had a wig. And it wasn't like just a supplemental wig. It was like she was actually bald underneath her wig. And she was very embarrassed.

[79:12]

And the students were not kind to her. I didn't laugh. I didn't laugh. I felt sorry for her. But some of the other students laughed when her wig got blown off. And she was afraid of the students seeing that. And we saw her fear. But we didn't help her with her fear. We didn't know how. We need someone to teach us how to be with her fear of having the students see her bald head. Now looking back, we didn't know about, we didn't have chemotherapy back then that I know of. Maybe she had cancer, I don't know. But anyway, pedagogy is the content of Buddha's mind and Buddha's mind is also vast space, unlimited light. But it's full of pedagogy and teachers and students

[80:15]

learning from each other. There's nothing in there but that. And all the manipulations are in there. Anyway, thank you, Caroline. Thank you. For Googling. We have an offering from Anne. Is it Jiren Ann or the other Ann? Sorry, I had thought that you had an offer before because I'm used to seeing Jiren in front of your name. Well, I'm on a cell phone, so that's a no, right? Right. I'm looking for people who haven't yet had a chance to make an offering. Okay, we have an offering from Susan.

[81:18]

Good morning, Reb. Good morning, Great Assembly. And I feel very blessed to be here with all of you. Every day I have... Yes? Wait a second. I'm going to get a little water. I'll be right back. Okay. Okay. Please enjoy my absence. Okay. So everything that you all have been saying in your questions... have answered so many of the things that came up with me and just a blessing of feeling how connected we are, even though we really don't know one another in terms of, you know, spending time face to face. So thank you so much. I really mean that from my heart. It's really, really a blessing. So I'm going to wait a moment and let Reb enjoy his water. Thank you.

[82:28]

Please take your time. Please. What I wanted to talk about, I don't know if there's a question in there or not, is that each day since we began, especially the second day when you were talking about, well, each day I'm going more inside and more inside. And my process seems to be, that all of the anger or discomfort, it could be a lot of different things, or judgment, could be all of those things and more. I'm noticing how much of that is there and how that reflects, and not just necessarily what I say, but my behavior. And do I think it's all wrong? No. But when it comes up consistently at the same time of day or whatever, I'm thinking, okay, Especially since then, I thought, what do I do with this? And then when you said during your this morning, when you were talking about chapter four, about people get into these places.

[83:39]

And I thought for the last couple of days, I was Being there for myself, and I'd say to myself, what do you need right now? What would you give somebody else right now if they were in this place? And it was compassion, being open, listening, and just breathing. And that helped. But I really don't know what's going on. I know that I keep going back to this place. I'm not talking about whether to stop the anger. I'm just saying I keep going more inward. And some of it, I'm saying things to people because usually I take care of more people than I do. really think is appropriate. I noticed that I'm being more forthright, which this sounds kind of weird, but having been born in New York, you're taught a certain way that, you know, if somebody says something to it, you speak directly to it.

[84:49]

And when I moved out here, a lot of people, not all of them, a lot of people aren't that direct. And I can remember seeing clients that came into my office and they said, we're from New York. We don't want all of this. La la, we want it direct. And I thought, thank you. It was like a blessing. I could just be there and speak to what they were talking about rather than to whatever I was doing. I mean, the skill is okay that I was doing that, but I think that's part of what causes me to... not be out there the way I would normally be. Even saying something wonderful. Somebody said something to me and they said, you want to have coffee? And I said, yeah. I said, when would you like to do that? And then they didn't talk to me again. It could be that little. It doesn't have to be, you know, strong. So that's what I wanted to say, that it makes me feel sad and lonely, actually.

[85:53]

So when I'm with the assembly and they're speaking forthright, it just feels like it's gorgeous. That's all I can say. It's gorgeous. Yeah. And that's not all you can say. I know. But thank you. You can say, that's not all I can say. That's not all I can say. You can keep talking. Yeah. I remember when my mom, before she passed, this was a couple of years and She had a person that was kind of taking care of her financially when I was out of town. And she said, I want to tell you something about my daughter. She said, if you ask her a question, she'll answer it directly, so be careful. She said, I told her that. I said, oh, that's good, you know. So she didn't ask me many questions, which is too bad.

[86:58]

My mom did, though, and I was very direct with her always. So... Well, I hear that you think this assembly is gorgeous. I do. And I hear you. I feel encouraged. Yeah, and you feel encouraged. And I hear you say indirectly that you want more assembly meetings, that you want more. You want to be with people you can speak to and express yourself. And we're all here to support you to explore how that can be more a part of your life. That you're in conversation with people and you're finding a way to make your genuine contribution. I hear you calling for that. And we all want that for you. And also I heard you say about being careful. To explore how to do this with people.

[88:02]

Definitely. So we're all being careful here, and we're doing pretty well. Doing amazingly well. We're doing amazingly well. Meaning not that I didn't expect it. It's just a gift, I guess is what I'm saying. It's a gift that we kind of didn't expect. And this assembly is saying right where the assembly is not copying the sutra, this assembly is channeling the sutra. This assembly, I'm receiving something I didn't expect. We're hearing things I never heard before. We're embodying the sutra and we want to hear things that we never heard before and receive things we didn't expect. And we want to have wholehearted conversations. And we are. Yes. Thank you, Susan. Thank you, Reb. Thank you, everyone. Thank you, everyone. We have an offering from Green.

[89:04]

Good morning. Good morning. I've been really excited about what you're teaching. Um, I'm, I'm feeling very excited about what I'm hearing. For example, um, the other day you mentioned this, I think it's a koan about, um, how the nature of wind reaches everywhere and that the teacher kept fanning himself. Um, first of all, that really opened up for me for the first time. So thank you so much for, for visiting upon that. And, um, I found it very exciting and part of why I found it so exciting is because my mind, um, seems very attracted to this, what I think it's telling me, which is practice with everything.

[90:14]

Every particular thing. And that really resonates for me. I'm attracted to it. I'm excited about it. And then I'm also wondering... Am I attracted to it just because of my conditioning, because of my views, because of my particular karma? Or is it, like, really true? Like, I'm grappling with that. What you're bringing up. is part of the reality of things. So in the earlier part of chapter two, when the Buddha says, only a Buddha together with a Buddha can fully know, can exhaustively know the reality of things.

[91:21]

And part of the reality of things is how they appear what their causes are, what their conditions are, what their function is, what their causal process is, what their effects are. These are all the aspects of everything. And so you're bringing up, how does your causation work with what you're interested in or not? How does your past karma play into that? or not. That's part of the reality of things. And also how everything's the same is also part of the reality of things. All these aspects of each thing, of each phenomenon, of each wish you have, of each pleasure or pain you have, all that reality is realized in Buddha together with Buddha. So I personally am not going to know about those, there's this 10, called the 10 suchnesses.

[92:32]

I'm not going to know about those 10 aspects of everything by myself. But me, here, now, in communication with the Buddha that I will be, and the Bodhisattva which I have been, and you, you, future Buddha, and me, future Buddha, together with our Buddha futures and our history, all that together in conversation, we'll know, we'll understand what you're asking, wondering about, which is why am I interested in Buddhism? Why am I, you know, why am I trying this? And also why, why is, why is it, how is injustice How is cruelty? To know the reality of all unfortunate things in the world. We will find that reality and realize it by practicing together wholeheartedly with other beings who are practicing together with their past and their future.

[93:42]

We're all future Buddhas and we're practicing together with our future and past. we will realize what you're interested in, what you're wondering about. But I won't realize it by myself and you won't realize it by yourself. But our practice together realizes it. It's an impersonal realization of the reality of each person. Thank you, Green. Thank you, Green. Thank you. We have an offering from Gail. Good morning, Reb. Good morning, Gail. And good morning, Great Assembly. You said earlier that some of us might bring our own parables this morning, and I have one to share, which is kind of reversed from the story we just heard, which is that my daughter is the skillful means in my life.

[95:04]

her struggles with drug addiction and mental illness have been very challenging for me to work with. And yet I do understand that her presence in my life has been skillful means. And you said earlier that That skillful means can soften you and open you for the I think the awareness of or the willingness to step into one's Buddha nature to see it. And I understand that, but I find that I have resistance in the form of heartbreak. And I think my heartbreak is resistance. And I go around and around between opening to the skillful means that is my daughter's struggle.

[96:11]

Like this morning during the Dharma talk, I really was able to open to it and be with it in a compassionate way, in a more open way. And then I get submerged again by heartbreak. And I know, I believe that an appropriate response to heartbreak is compassion. And that would pivot me. It does pivot me back into kind of Accepting skillful means the skillful means of the situation. But often I don't want to be compassionate to heartbreak. I want to fix the problem, which I believe is kind of running away from it. So. I in in listening to the story of the father and the son, it. It seemed like the son's resistance was kind of a lack of self-worth or lack of understanding of his own value. So I guess my question for you really is about working with the resistance, even when one understands that it is truly skillful means that work in your life.

[97:26]

So that's my question. Your resistance is in Buddha's awakening. Buddha's awakening, the contents of Buddha's awakening is your resistance. And the contents of Buddha's awakening is the stables and the dung and the opportunity to shovel the dung. So you working with your resistance is the content of what you want. What you want is Buddha's wisdom and in the middle of Buddha's wisdom is your resistance and compassion and also resistance on top of resistance is I resist working with my resistance.

[98:29]

But also there's moments where the resistance is there And there's engagement with it. This morning there was some, okay, I'll engage with this resistance. There it was. That's what's going on in Buddha's mind. And then there's also getting distracted from engaging with resistance. There's also in Buddha's mind is resistance and then resistance on top of resistance by wanting to run away from the resistance. There's the pain you feel about your daughter's illness your daughter's illness is in buddha's wisdom and in buddha's wisdom there is running away from the pain your daughter's pain that's in buddha's mind that's in your mind that's in the mind of a future buddha but also in that mind is the possibility of engaging the resistance And if there's not engaging the resistance, there's a possibility of being aware of that and saying, as you did, I'm resisting engaging with the resistance.

[99:39]

So this is dung shoveling. You're in it. You're doing it. And it's all going on in Buddha's mind. And this is being given to you to learn how to be skillful with it. And part of learning how to be skillful is to confess and repent any lack of skillfulness. Which you're doing. So you are on the bodhisattva path. And it includes thinking you're not. And it includes thinking you are. Thank you. So am I turning the wheel of the Dharma? Is this turning the wheel of the Dharma? I'm not turning the wheel of Dharma, but meeting with you all is turning the wheel of the Dharma. It's not me, future Buddha, by myself that turns the wheel of the Dharma. It's me with you and the trees, that meeting, that negotiation, that discussion.

[100:48]

That give and take is the reality of things. And the reality of things turns the dharma of reality. The lotus flower turns the lotus flower. And the lotus flower is this great assembly's meeting itself face to face. That turns the wheel of dharma because that's reality. Reality turns reality. Dharma flower turns dharma flower. We together, the Great Assembly turns the Great Assembly. And we, individually, we get to be here for the show. Lotus Sutra has no problem with the two-ring circle this morning. Thank you, Ref. In the next room, I can hear the inauguration. Lotus soup is okay with multi-ringed circuses.

[101:50]

They're all in one circus. Buddha's mind includes billions of Buddhas and billions of future Buddhas. Thank you, Gail. I want to express some gratitude for those of you who haven't yet shared who raised their hand today to share. We are encouraging people who haven't had a chance to offer to raise their hand. But when we have exhausted that pool, we will move on to people with second offerings. So we have time to hear from Kido today. Thank you, Brendan. I just want to express my boundless gratitude for everything people have been sharing.

[102:56]

Especially, I might refer to a few things because I have been having a very intense week. And I do want to tell you how it started out on Monday. On Monday, I had this big concern and anxiety because I was thinking about how red it said, examine or pay attention to the quality or the characteristic of your display. And I thought, what kind of a display am I making? And I felt so inadequate because I was feeling so moved by the people who were including a great deal of emotional content in their display. And I just felt so inadequate and so unknown.

[104:03]

It just hasn't been my habit to express my emotions. They don't usually... I don't usually feel like I'm repressing them or needing to work something out or anything. So it isn't a huge problem, but the thing is now that I'm talking, I have to say that things have been coming up in what all of you said that seems so relevant to this. Uh, say I'm one of you alcoholics. My mom was an addict. I never wanted to be a mother. I thought, mother, I hated the letter M so much because I just thought, oh, she could be so sweet and wonderful and funny and she could be so cruel. So cruel. And I thought, let me figure out what this thing is to have a baby before I ever think about having one.

[105:09]

So I've never had a baby. And I learned, I know my mother very well. I watched her very carefully, watching out. And I learned a lot of wonderful things from her, which I've since grown to appreciate, as well as a lot of fear. But I do think that it's important to see that I also inherited a very kind of reserved... emotional persona. And most of my life, I was a college teacher. I love teaching, love being an authority in something. I was so moved by the person who first started talking about arrogance. And while I was having this conversation,

[106:12]

Oh, yeah. Meanwhile, I had talked to a really wise Buddha, my teacher, and she had said, watch out for the competition that may be in there where you're envious of those people that have the ability to flow. Because she was saying that, and this is true, I think it's true, that an emotional content will kind of facilitate a connection, right? Between people. It'll kind of. She didn't say this. But I'll say it's kind of grease the wheels. Of oneness. So yeah. I was feeling a little envious. And so I started thinking about that. And then I started to really feel bad. And I thought. Maybe I was too mean to this person. And I thought. The student of mine. Where I asked her to be a little bit more. careful about how her behavior in the Sangha affected everyone else.

[107:21]

And so she immediately ran away and went to Thich Nhat Hanh. So anyway, I was thinking, oh, you know, I'm just so mean and everything. And I was even thinking, maybe I should just quit. However, I thought, but then my teacher said, also, well, you have something to work with here. Definitely accept it. And you have something to present. Why don't you just use that as an offering? And I thought, good. So I was all ready to present my offering. And I thought, well, at least I'm just about to spill over with anxiety. So I do have emotional content. And so then what happened was, then I started hearing these people. And they were just... I don't know, they were just kind of like all of my resistance to, and I didn't even notice it. It happened before I noticed.

[108:24]

I was just like on the same page with them and just loving them so much. I even felt my tears begin to kind of appear a little bit. And I thought, well, that's how it happens. That's how it happened. So then since then, and that was Tuesday, I guess. Anyway, since then, I've just been hearing more and more that seems relevant to this. And I'm just, I don't know, I'm just in the middle of it. So that's what I had to offer today. I'm so grateful. We're in the middle of it. Each of us is in the middle of future Buddhahood. One more?

[109:29]

We have an offering from Michael. Hey, here we are. Hello, great assembly, and hello, Bhagavad. I hope your health is well. And I try to be brief, and I try to read without my glasses, which might be difficult. There's something that... Once to be expressed since quite some time and finally this morning during Zazen, it kind of came up and I tried to write it down as best I could. Dear Rep, Great Assembly, Since day one of this retreat I was sitting in flames.

[110:35]

The flames of being confronted with yet another holy book claiming to contain the highest truth that promises immeasurable wealth and benefits to those who believe in it and threatens those who reject it or question it with hell and misery. It sometimes felt like being tortured or burned alive by the Spanish Inquisition and reps standing by and asking me to honor it, to respect the holy book. I tried my best to be upright with this. I tried my best to be upright in this pain. Not to deny it. Not to get rid of it. To feel it, to question it, to honor it. And to my own surprise, from within this pain came the strong wish to apologize.

[111:44]

I want to apologize for all arrogance and self-righteousness in the Lotus Sutra. I want to apologize for every single derogatory word, for looking down on Theravada practitioners as being of slow and dull wit and calling their practice a lesser vehicle. Please don't believe it. If there's just one Buddha vehicle, how can there be higher or lower? I want to apologize to all the women looked at as second-rate humans for millennia denied spiritual teachings, denied spiritual education to this day. denied the ability to realize Buddhahood due to their body.

[112:50]

Please don't believe it. If there's just one Buddha vehicle, it's unlikely to depend on a penis. I guess all of that are not the words of a Buddha. It all sounds just too human. Unskillful means to promote and protect A precious jewel. The precious jewel of the Mariana School. Promoting a practice that is not focusing on leaving the burning house of life and death, but to fully accept and embrace it and everybody within it. the practice of accepting things completely as they are. Nirvana not as an exit, but Nirvana as an entrance, the entrance to a life of peace and harmony in the burning house.

[113:59]

I want to apologize for all my self-righteous and arrogant thoughts, for every thought that you or anybody should be different, that things should be different, that this horrible book should be different. I wish to fully accept and be at peace with things as they are, to stop fanning the flames I wish to give up resistance to meeting the Buddha in every single thing and person in this burning house. Thank you, future Buddha, for embodying the Lotus Sutra by apologizing for the... Now the Lotus Sutra says, I'm sorry.

[115:11]

for being like I am. Thank you so much. Thank you again to this great assembly. It's just, it's just unexpected wonders. Thank you so much. May our intention equally extend to every human being. With the true merit of Buddha way, beings are numberless. I vow to save them. Greed, hate and delusion are inexhaustible. I vow to pass through. Dharma gates are boundless. I vow to enter them. Buddha way is unsurpassable. I vow to become it.

[116:15]

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