Welcome to Green Dragon Zen Temple. How many people are here for the first time? How many people are here the first time this year? Happy New Year. And this beginning of January we, for many years, we have a meditation intensive. Three weeks. And now we're beginning this third week. And this three weeks we had a theme, some themes for our meditation. So the theme is the pivotal activity of all Buddhas, face-to-face transmission.

[01:21]

So we've been contemplating the pivotal activity of Buddhas. We could also say the pivotal activity of Buddha mind, of the mind of awakening. So the theme is suggesting that the mind of awakening of the Buddhas is an activity. and it's a pivotal activity. It has infinite aspects. But one aspect that we can mention is that it's pivotal. And it is a pivotal activity which liberates it's an activity which liberates, or it's an activity, the Buddha mind is an activity in which living beings are liberated.

[02:35]

Liberated from egocentric entrapment. human beings are naturally endowed with a self-consciousness in which there is a self. And the self is trapped in that self-consciousness. The activity of Buddhas is to liberate the living being, the human, for example. Other living beings have this. Dogs, for example, I think have also this situation. It's to liberate beings who are entrapped in the kind of consciousness which is a reduction of our life and an egocentric version of our life.

[03:50]

This is normal. Buddha's activity is to free us from being trapped in this trap. Buddhas are like prison workers who work in the prisons to liberate the inmates without destroying the prison. So in the first talk I mentioned that there is the teaching that Buddhas are sitting in the middle of all the living beings. That's where they live. They live at the center of all these living beings who are more or less egoistically trapped. They live in the middle of them all.

[04:52]

Which means they live in the middle of all egocentric suffering. They live in the middle of it all and there they have a wonderful activity which is to pivot with these living beings and in that pivoting the Buddhas and the living beings are liberated from egoistic consciousness without destroying egoistic consciousness. Buddhas do not destroy egoistic consciousness. They embrace and sustain and pivot with egoistic consciousness. And in this pivoting activity, Buddhas and living beings together are free. So in this retreat we have been remembering the Buddha mind.

[06:07]

We've been remembering this way that Buddhas are in conversation Buddha mind is a conversation, a liberating conversation. In the conversation, the body and mind drop away and the living being is liberated from egoistic entrapment. So we've been contemplating this face-to-face conversation. Another way that came to me just recently is that Buddha's activity is collaborative storytelling.

[07:14]

normal human consciousness, which is called also normal human self-consciousness, which is also called normal human karmic consciousness, is involved in receiving and believing more or less stories which are given to it. by the vaster dimensions of human minds. We have a conscious egocentric mind. We also have, in a way, a much more rich and complex unconscious cognitive process, which is every moment giving us a story about what's going on. delivering it to our consciousness. And our consciousness has the opportunity to look at the story and approve it as reality or to ask some questions about it and see if anybody else has some other stories.

[08:30]

And by Collaborating in our storytelling is another way to speak of the conversation which liberates us. Buddhas are doing this work. of engaging with entrapped beings in the process of storytelling and questioning storytelling and so on. So we've been looking at this and contemplating this face-to-face conversation. And again, the face-to-face conversation is, that is Buddha's Now another thing we've been trying to remember and helping each other remember is stillness and silence. One time I met a philosopher who lived at Mare Beach.

[09:46]

And I don't know where he was when he said this to me, but he said, you know, I really appreciate Zen Center because you people are in that meditation hall contemplating stillness and silence. And that really helps me and the whole world. And I kind of went, oh, yeah. That's nice. I didn't know that's what we were doing, but I thought, well, if his courage is in me, we should. So I feel encouraged to be mindful of stillness and silence. And I feel encouraged to encourage others to remember stillness. I pray for it. I pray that we remember stillness. I pray that we receive it.

[10:50]

I pray that we practice in it. While remembering it, practice in it. And I pray that we transmit it. Now the other aspect is that this Buddha mind, this Buddha activity, the conversation which liberates, the other suggestion is that this conversation, this liberating activity through conversation, it's living in stillness. So remembering stillness is like coming back to the place where Buddha mind is functioning. So it's an activity in stillness. It's an activity which isn't going anyplace. It isn't, yeah, it's not going someplace, it's here. The stillness is here, and in the stillness is this Buddha activity.

[11:54]

The conversation is here. You don't have to go someplace else for this conversation. Also, this conversation is in silence. Doesn't mean there's no talking. Doesn't mean there's no moving or hand signals. It's just saying, the intimate conversation is occurring in stillness and silence. And to remember that is encouraged, is prayed for, is wished for. Because remembering it allows the conversation to be spontaneous and appropriate to a really authentic conversation which liberates. If I forget stillness, I get more or less off my true position and then the conversation can get off.

[12:59]

When I'm not remembering stillness, I might think I'm doing the talking rather than we together are saying these words Another point that is an aspect of the conversation, which means it's an aspect of Buddha's activity. Buddha's activity is a conversation which has infinite aspects. And one of the aspects of this face-to-face conversation is, yes, it's occurring in stillness, but also it's working with egocentric consciousness.

[14:05]

So the egocentric consciousness is an aspect of the Buddha activity because Buddha activity is including the egocentric consciousness. And egocentric consciousness is not only confining It is nauseating and suffocating and giddy. It's a hard place to remember anything other than maybe, I want to get out of here. A lot of people can remember that and try to get something to get out. or at least numb yourself to the nausea. As I mentioned recently, several times, is many people come and tell me, I'm sick of myself.

[15:07]

I'm sick of this self-consciousness. I'm sick of my selfishness. And not only that, but this place where the selfishness is living It's giddy, which means it's excited, it's turbulent, but it's an excitement to a point where we get disoriented. We forget to remember stillness. We forget to remember the practice place where Buddha's activity is living. It's a challenge to remember stillness and silence, especially when people are yelling at each other and at us, or not to mention if we're yelling at them. At that time, it's hard to remember stillness. Not impossible, just hard. Does that make sense?

[16:14]

Yesterday someone who was in the intensive said, I want to ask my annual question, which she often asks as she's about to conclude the intensive, which is, I love these intensives. I feel so encouraged to remember being present and still. And I'm happy that you stay here and do that. But what about when I leave and all this turbulence arises and there's nobody praying for me to remember. I can't see anybody setting an example of remembering stillness. How can I continue the practice? How can the practice continue? And I said to her, well, It is really difficult, but also it's difficult here. We in this valley are also having trouble remembering stillness.

[17:22]

I sometimes forget. Here, in this environment which is set up to help us remember, we sometimes forget. And then when we forget, somehow if we don't remember where we are and be mindful of where we are our mind can think we're someplace else or want to be someplace else and then the conversation gets off-center and we miss the pivotal activity, we miss the liberating activity because we don't want to be here. It's actually going on but we want to be someplace else. So we miss it. And then we think things and say things from off-center. And it's easy to get off-center because the consciousness is so active and shocking and whatever to disorient us.

[18:29]

But it doesn't always disorient us because sometimes we do feel encouraged to remember and we do. And how wonderful. And when we remember, we can see how that goes. When we forget, we can see how that goes. And maybe when we forget and see how it goes, we can say, yeah, that's not the way I want to live. I don't want to be off-center. And I don't want to be involved in the activities that come from off-center. And sometimes I do remember stillness. I do remember sitting at the center of all beings with the Buddhas. And then I see thoughts and words arise, and they seem to be the way I do want to live.

[19:34]

And it encourages me to remember more. And when I forget, then we have a practice of avowing, of confessing to ourselves and our teachers and friends that we forgot and that we're sorry and we still want to remember. I forgot, I'm sorry, and I still want to remember. Buddha's activity. I still want to remember stillness. I got distracted.

[20:49]

I'm sorry, and then at that moment I don't necessarily have to, I don't force myself to remember what I do want to do. It just pops right up. Oh yeah, and I still wish to continue. Continue what? Remembering stillness, silence, remembering Buddha's activity. I've noticed that a lot of movies, it says in the credits that the screenplay is written by more than one person. I just thought, were Shakespeare's plays written by more than one person?

[22:12]

It just says Shakespeare. Were they written just by one person? Well, I don't know. Were those plays written without any collaboration? I don't know. But you know what? I don't think so. I think those plays were the activity of collaborative storytelling, of collaborative poetry. What evidence do I have of it? I guess I have the poetry of the moment, which seems to be collaborative.

[23:14]

Poets do speak of muses, don't they? Do they write the poetry with the muse in relationship to the muse? Well, I guess you'd have to have a relationship with a muse that would help. Do you have a muse that you're collaborating with when you speak? In your consciousness, are you having a conversation? Do you have to go someplace else to have a conversation? I don't think so. I'm having a conversation right now And in this conversation, I don't think I have to go someplace else to have a conversation. I think I'm in a conversation right now. I'm in a conversation. I am a conversation.

[24:20]

A conversation is me. And in this conversation, the thought has arisen that you are in conversation with me and you are in conversation with in your own mind. That where there's a self, there's a conversation. And that the self is actually born of conversation and the conversation goes on. So encouraging, encouraging remembering stillness encourages being present and discovering that there's a conversation going on. And then sometimes when the conversation goes on, people forget the stillness and lose the sense of conversation and just sort of, it goes on, but they don't realize that there's a collaboration going on.

[25:32]

So it seems like they're telling the story rather than telling the story together. Conventionally speaking, we usually think that Shakespeare alone, without any collaboration, wrote those plays. But remembering Buddha's activity, I remember that everything Shakespeare does, everything Shakespeare did, in stillness, was a conversation.

[26:37]

In stillness, I do not own these words any more than you do. They're not mine more than yours. In stillness, the wonderfulness of stillness is that you can discover that I, Shakespeare, am a self and I, Shakespeare, am others. Shakespeare was a self and Shakespeare was others. Shakespeare and others wrote those plays. And it seemed like those plays came from a realization of that. And some other plays, I think, come from forgetting that.

[27:44]

So this co-writing of screenplays I think is a step towards waking up to the reality that everything we do is collaborative. And collaboration is living in stillness. And once again, if I forget stillness, I might think that I'm doing this by myself, that I'm speaking by myself, I'm gesturing by myself, these are coming from me. That's egoistic enclosure. That's nauseating. But to open up to the conversation, to see, to watch in stillness, to watch this mind, to observe the stillness and see the mind in stillness, we can wake up to, oh, there is a conversation here, and it's collaborative, and yeah.

[29:07]

And in this conversation, the self can be exchanged for the other. The deluded person can be exchanged for Buddha. Buddha has stated, I can be exchanged for you. And sentient beings can say the same. They can say, Buddha, you can be exchanged for me. I heard you say that, and now I say it back to you. And in stillness, I really believe it. And I'm really enjoying it. in stillness. If I might say that during this retreat, excuse me for saying so, but this thing called joy has arisen in my egoistic consciousness. Joy has arisen. But it's not just joy.

[30:11]

There's joy. But I enjoy, I've been enjoying the joy. The joy of what? Of doing this intensive, which is hard for me. But I do say, oh, I think, looks like there's joy here. Right here at Green Dragon Temple, sort of in egoistic consciousness, there's joy. But there's something else. What is that? The joy is pretty clear, but what else is there is not so clear. And so there was a discovery. In the stillness there was a discovery. There's joy. If I was really agitated and hysterical, I might not even have noticed the joy. But I was blessed with stillness, and I received it, and I noticed joy.

[31:20]

But then I noticed there was more than joy. But the more than joy wasn't as clear as the joy. And then I discovered, well, there's joy and then there's this huge not joy. And not joy is not just suffering, but it includes it. There's joy and there's absolutely everything other than joy, too. That discovery was given to me in stillness. Joy, not joy. It's kind of funny, isn't it? Is it? I was at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center this fall and towards the end of the practice period one of the participants, one of the monks said, could you tell us something about your experience?

[32:33]

And I walked over to him and I said, joy, not joy, joy, not joy, joy, not joy, joy, not joy. And then there's another thing that is revealed in stillness. Pain. Pain. And not pain. Pain, not pain. Pain, not pain. Pain, not pain. It's not just joy, pain. But there is joy, pain. But pain's not the whole other of joy. The other of joy is much bigger than just pain. It includes everything. So when there's pain, there's not pain. And when there's not pain, when there's not pain, there is pain.

[33:37]

This is the pivotal activity. This is the conversation of the Buddha mind. pain, not pain. In other words, liberation from pain and liberation from not pain. Want to demonstrate and prove that you're liberated from not pain? Just feel pain. You're liberated. So in that way, a lot of people are liberated from not pain, but not really in reality, in Buddha mind, we are liberated from not pain. But unless we're willing to be present, we don't realize that liberation. But if we are willing to realize remembering stillness, we can realize that we are not stuck

[34:43]

we are now trapped in not-pain. And therefore we are not, what do you call it, obsessive and compulsive about not-pain. We're free of it. So, pain. And again, if we can be mindful of stillness, we will see Right in the pain, there's not pain. There cannot be pain without not pain. And not pain is not just the opposite of pain. Although the opposites included, among the things that are not pain is the opposite of pain. And vice versa. Joy. Not vice versa. And joy, it's the same.

[35:44]

There's no joy without not joy. Joy is nice, but if you don't realize that joy is not nice, you're at risk of being trapped in joy. And if you're trapped in joy, even when there's joy, you're suffering. Even when there's joy, you're scared if you're trapped in it, if you're holding on to it. And if you remember stillness, you get ready to let go of joy and let go of pain and open to pain, not pain. But we have to remember stillness because that's where this pivotal activity Pain, not pain. Joy, not pain. Joy, not joy. Self, not self. Other, not other. Buddha, not Buddha. Deluded being, not deluded being.

[36:45]

Deluded being exchanged with Buddha. That's going on all the time in stillness. That's where Buddhas are sitting. Buddhas are exchanging places with us all day long. we can go where the Buddhas are. The Buddhas are in stillness right here. They're in the stillness of each of us being our self. And again, the wonderful discovery is this self is not self. This self is a self, yes, and this self is otherwise. All day long. So I take care of a little girl who is now six.

[37:57]

And if I tell a story about my relationship with her, it usually perfectly demonstrates the Buddha activity. She's just amazing and she's really deluded. And I'm really deluded too. And we hang out together. We have conversations. Mostly it looks like her telling me what to do. But it's still a conversation. I'm totally up for it. I listen to the instructions and I follow them. Or if I don't, I usually try to tell her why you know, the problems I'm having with the instructions. But I'm up for the conversation.

[39:00]

I feel blessed to have conversations with this little person. Did I say she was a girl? Yeah. So from early time I got the message that When little boys are strong, we call them leaders. When little girls are strong, people sometimes call them bossy. So she's strong. She's tiny. Her parents call her Tiny. And she accepts that name. And she's strong, so I call her my leader. So my leader gives me instructions, I listen to them, and if I feel it's appropriate, if it seems appropriate to follow the instructions, I do, and very happily, to provide service in prison.

[40:08]

She's not yet ready to understand that she's in prison. But I'm there with her, in prison, serving her. Joyfully. Not joyfully. Joyfully. Not joyfully. It's wonderful. It's wonderful. Joyfully is good, but joyfully, not joyfully, joyfully, that's Buddha's fun. And that's what I have with her. So one of the services I provide to her is being her horse. Which means, and she says to me, well, she's learned over the years to be rather more polite to her servant. So now she says, would you be horsey? We're collaborating on this conversation.

[41:20]

She says, would you be horsey? And about a year ago, my femur broke. So for the last year, she's been asking me to be horsey. And I'm saying, I can't be horsey. Recently, I started to say, OK. And then I'd be horsey, and then after a while, I realized that I haven't recovered enough to be horsey for very long. Anyway, before the femur broke, one day she was riding me. And I think I said something like, I'm getting tired. And she said, oh, no, that day I wasn't horsey. That day I was donkey. So she was riding the donkey and I think I said, I'm getting tired. And she said, donkeys don't talk. This is collaboration.

[42:26]

This is collaborative writing. This is, you know, we did that together. I gave the line, I'm tired. She put the punch on it. But we did it together. She wouldn't have been able to do that without me and I wouldn't have been able to. We co-wrote that comedy. And in stillness we can see the beauty of that. But everything's like that when you remember stillness and silence and you will discover that we are in this Buddha activity together. But it's really hard again to remember stillness when you're getting slapped. And she has slapped me a few times.

[43:27]

One time we were playing very harmoniously and sweetly and she really whacked me. Harder than she ever hit me before in the face. And I went, wow! But I just said, wow. I didn't say bad girl or anything like that, bad leader. I just said, wow. I was really amazed. And then I said, that was really hard. And she went... Because she could sense that maybe there was perhaps a little bit of criticism in it. But I really felt like I just wanted her to know that that was really hard, just so she knows she hit the mark. But still, it was hard for her to get that information, even though I think she did feel like, boy, I really whacked him. So I pray that I can remember and you can remember stillness.

[44:39]

And that if I can remember stillness, I can transmit it to my leader. That I can be there with her and enjoy pain, not pain, with her. And if she's in pain, that I can be there with that pain and help her realize not pain. And if she's in pleasure, I can be there with her joy and help her realize freedom from joy and not joy. So I'm happy to do that with her, and I would like to do that with everybody. But it's hard work because I have come into karmic consciousness, and karmic consciousness is a hard place to remember stillness, and silence and Buddha's activity. But it's possible, I say to you.

[45:43]

It does happen sometimes. And it's really, really peaceful, fearless, generous, careful, patient, calm, relaxed, open. That's the way it is. And being that way is it. It's that way, and that way it is. But again, it's hard to remember being like that in giddy land. It's hard. So hard challenging is normal. And if you have no challenges, Maybe you should practice Zen.

[46:32]

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