flower of the wondrous law. It says something like, all the Buddhas appear in the world because of one great causal condition, which is their wish, their desire, to open sentient beings to Buddha's wisdom and to demonstrate Buddha's wisdom to sentient beings and to awaken Buddha's wisdom in sentient beings and to cause sentient beings to enter Buddha's wisdom The example of Shakyamuni Buddha shows that sometimes, many times, he was sitting on the earth and students would come to the sitting Buddha.

[01:24]

They would open themselves. Something about the sitting Buddha helped them open to the Buddha's wisdom and they came to the Buddha in search of Buddha's wisdom. And then Buddha would demonstrate Buddha's wisdom. And sometimes the student would awaken to Buddha's wisdom and enter Buddha's wisdom. We see this example in the historical Buddha Sometimes the Buddha was standing, however. One important story, he was begging. And a student came to him and asked him to teach in the middle of his begging rounds. And he said to the monk, this is not a good time, monk. But the monk said, Sir, honored teacher, we do not know how much longer we will live.

[02:37]

We may not be alive this afternoon. So please teach me." And the Buddha said again, this is not a good time, but the monk asked three times, so the Buddha did teach him. And after about one minute of instruction, the student had a great awakening, understood the Buddha's wisdom. And actually that monk died that afternoon. So sometimes the Buddha is sitting, sometimes the Buddha is standing, sometimes the Buddha is walking, and sometimes the Buddha is reclining. The last scripture of the Buddha, perhaps the Buddha was reclining when giving the final teaching. But that's what Buddha's come into, that's what causes the Buddha which is not always manifested.

[03:38]

Matter of fact, the Dharma body of Buddha, the Dharmakaya Buddha is not manifested. The historical Buddha does manifest in various forms and one of the forms is the form of a seated human. And then the disciples of Buddha, the Buddha ancestors, they also sit. And in accord with the Buddha, they sit, they appear in the sitting form for the sake of opening students to the Buddha's wisdom and demonstrating Buddha's wisdom. Yesterday I talked to you about the essential art of Zazen. And the essential art of Zazen is also the essential art of totally culminated enlightenment.

[04:39]

It includes concentration practice. It lives and thrives on concentration practice. But it is the essential art of totally culminated enlightenment, the Dharma gate. It is the Dharma gate of repose and bliss. So this Buddha ancestor, Yakusan Igen Daisho, is sitting. He's trained for a long, long time and now he's sitting in hopes to open sentient beings to Buddha's wisdom. And a monk comes, and a wonderful monk comes and asks. The monk sees Yakusan Iga and Daisho sitting really

[05:46]

wonderfully still and tranquil, and wonders, what kind of thinking is happening there for the master? What is the Buddha thinking? What kind of thinking? He is open to the truth, and then Yakusan Igen gives him, demonstrates the essential art of zazen. He's talking with him, speaking Chinese, I guess, colloquial Chinese to the monk. And he teaches him the essential art of zazen. He teaches him, he says, thinking of not thinking. And the monk says, how? And he says, non-thinking. He's talking to him and teaching him non-thinking while he's talking to him. He's teaching him what he's doing.

[06:53]

What he's doing is teaching him the essential art of Zazen. One could say that I'm trying to talk to you about the essential art of Zazen by practicing non-thinking with you. I'm trying to practice the essential art of Zazen right now and demonstrate it at the same time. I'm trying to practice non-thinking and tell you a little bit about what I think I'm doing and what I think non-thinking is. And I told you already quite a bit and some of it I may repeat.

[07:58]

Starting with, to me, the essential art of zazen, non-thinking, is to compassionately care for something. For what? For karmic consciousness. Non-thinking is the way you think of not thinking. Non-thinking is the way of caring for thinking. Caring for, I would say, an apparently limited and limiting mental activity. Karmic consciousness is apparently limited, and it is apparently limiting.

[09:05]

It's not really limited, and it's not really limiting, but it seems to be. And that apparent limiting and limited quality of karmic consciousness is the basic definition of suffering. This grasping to the elements of the mind and the activity of the mind, this grasping is the quality of suffering. It seems to be grasping, it seems to be limited. And caring for this grasping, this apparently grasping, limiting function of our mind, Caring for that is the essential art of satsang. And when you care for thinking intimately and compassionately, you realize that thinking is thinking, not thinking.

[10:08]

You realize that thinking and not thinking are inseparable. You realize that thinking is not thinking and not thinking is thinking. And in this realization you have awakened to Buddha's wisdom through the practice of the essential art of zazen, which is, again, compassionately, calmly, generously, patiently, carefully, enthusiastically attending to and caring for the problem of human existence, karmic consciousness. Not despising any being there in any state. Yashan demonstrates this.

[11:11]

He's willing to talk to this monk even though he's very calm, He's willing to talk to this monk even though the monk is sort of accusing him of thinking. Here's the great Zen master. The monk says, doesn't say, are you thinking? Or you shouldn't be thinking. He says, what kind of thinking? Respectfully understanding that the teacher is willing to think in order to show other beings how to think. how to think in such a way as to be practicing the essential art of the Buddha way. Non-thinking, if I may just suddenly jump, non-thinking is dropping off body and mind.

[12:37]

Non-thinking is dropping off body and mind. When sitting, when a body-mind is sitting, the essential art of sitting is dropping off body and mind. Hishirio is Shinjin Datsuraku. In the ordination ceremony, I said something that is traditionally said in the ceremony, which is, the practice of renunciation is the unsurpassed way of harmonizing body and mind with the Buddha way.

[13:46]

A body and mind Practicing renunciation, the body-mind comes into harmony with the Buddha way. Dropping off body and mind, the body-mind comes into harmony with the Buddha way. It just occurs to me now that if you hold on to, not if you hold on, if one holds on to the body-mind, if one does not let it drop off, in a way that harmonizes with the Buddha way too because that harmonizes with the teaching that clinging to the body and mind is suffering. So in a way, when we do not practice the essential art of satsang. When we do not open to body-mind dropping away and cling to it, we also demonstrate the teaching that clinging to the body-mind is suffering.

[14:58]

The Buddha said in Sanskrit, he didn't speak Sanskrit, but in Sanskrit the Buddha is supposed to have said, Upadana Panchaskanda's dukkha, Upadana, clinging, panchas, five, aggregates, skandhas, suffering. Clinging to the five aggregates, clinging to the body-mind-psychophysical complex, that is suffering. All of our experience is these five aggregates in combinations, varying endlessly. Clinging to them is suffering. When we're clinging, everything we experience is suffering. So in a way, even when we cling, we demonstrate the Buddha Dharma, but we're not exactly in harmony with it. It's more like the Buddha Dharma is telling us, you're in pain. You're not in harmony.

[16:00]

You're fighting Shinjin Datsuraku. You're opposing body and mind dropping off. You're not practicing non-thinking. You're not caring really thoroughly for your body-mind, so you're still holding on to it. That's why there's stress. Unless, perhaps, you voluntarily took on stress and are totally relaxed with it and playful with it And at the same time as there's stress, you're totally in harmony with and dropping off body and mind. I was at Tala Sahara for the fall practice period and for one of the sessions, I think maybe it might have been the last one, I heard the Eno say something. She said,

[17:01]

harmonize with the schedule and thus drop off body and mind. And I thought, oh, that's, I like that way of saying it. So I asked Eno to say it that way for this session. Did you hear? Harmonize with the schedule completely and thus drop away body and mind. Before we said, follow the schedule completely. And we didn't say anything about drop off body and mind. We just said follow the schedule completely. Follow is part of harmonizing. Not follow is part of harmonizing. Harmonizing with the schedule is dropping off body and mind. dropping our body and mind, harmonizing with the schedule, we harmonize with the Buddha way.

[18:11]

During this intensive, we have been attempting to harmonize with the schedule. With our bodies going through many changes, we have tried to harmonize with the schedule, to do what to grope for and find a peaceful relationship between our body being in various conditions and our mind being in various conditions and this schedule. this negotiation, when it is thoroughly kind and careful and patient and calm and generous, in this intimate relationship between the schedule and our body-mind and all the other practitioners here, in that carefulness, in that non-thinking, Renunciation is practiced, dropping all body and mind, harmonizing with the schedule, harmonizing with the Buddha way.

[19:25]

We have these practical tools, our body-mind, the schedule, the posture, which we can work with to practice the essential art of Zazen. quietly someone says, how wonderful. A little birdie told me recently, it's a place to land and ask. What's a place to land and ask?

[20:31]

I thought he meant right here, now. I thought he was right where he was at that time. And he said, being here is a good place to land and ask. Ask what? He said, if it is really okay or not. this is a good place to land and ask, is it really okay or not? And I said, it's a good place to land and ask, is it really the Buddha way or not? I don't think it's necessary.

[21:33]

It's also a good place to answer the question, but I'm not so interested in the answer. I'm more interested in asking, is this a good place? Yes. To ask? Yes. What? Is this the Buddha way or not? Is this the essential art of zazen or not? Is this practicing and demonstrating the essential art of zazen or not? Is this practicing dropping off body and mind? I feel that's kind of an awesome question in the contemporary and ancient meaning of awesome. Awesome. I do not encourage myself to say, this is the practice and demonstration of the essential art of Zazen.

[22:53]

And also, I don't think right now, I'm not in the mood to say, this is not the practice of the essential art of Zazen. I think it's a good place to ask, is it or not? That's what I think, and I welcome that thinking. I do not wish to cling to it, but I think that. I think it's good to wonder if this is the essential art of the Buddha way now, here, or not. To be open to, maybe it is, maybe it's not. But those who take care of it, what? Who take care of the essential art of Zazen, I think that they might be wondering if they're doing their job or not.

[23:56]

They might occasionally wonder, I wonder if I'm practicing Zen or not. I think the well-trained ones ask the question a lot more than they answer it. maybe they never answer it. Maybe they never hear an answer. Or even if they hear an answer, maybe they don't believe it. But they do question whether or not this is the authentic Buddha way. I don't remember exactly when it was, but I think it was in the early part of 1971, the last year of the Zen Center founder's life.

[25:03]

We were having a session And the wake-up bell went off. And we got up, and we got dressed, and we started to go to the zendo for sitting zen. And I don't remember, but I think I saw Suzuki Roshi walk by the door of my room towards the zendo with his attendant. And then the person who rang the wake-up bell came by yelling something like, it was too early. Sorry. Sorry, it's too early. Go back to bed. And most people went back to bed.

[26:24]

including, I must confess, me. Even though I saw my teacher go right in front of my door with his robes on, going to the zendo. I saw him go. But then the wake-up bell person said, it's too early to go back to bed, and I followed that rather than the teacher. Karmic consciousness does this to me. The teacher went to the zendo and sat And the only person I think in Zendo with him was his attendant who had Peggy Kramer.

[27:34]

So he sat for a while and his students didn't come. His many students didn't come. And after I don't know how long, he left the Zendo, went back to his room. And then we started over. I think, wake up bell, Suzuki Roshi went to the Zendo. And when the students were in the Zendo, he said something about this business of him going and us going back to bed. And then he said something like, what do you think we're doing here? And then he got off his seat and he started to go around the zendo.

[28:49]

And I was sitting in the first seat, so I was the first person that he hit. And being the first person, he had quite a bit of strength. But I was young, so it was okay. By the time he finished going around, he was very tired out. But I think we all felt his great kindness to say to us, what are you doing here? Not blaming anybody, just what are you doing here? it's not necessarily easy to very carefully harmonize with the schedule.

[29:49]

But there it is. And it's an opportunity, it's a place to land to ask, what are we doing here in this life? Is this the Buddha way or not? When the wake-up bell goes early and the teacher walks by, is it the Buddha way to go back to bed or not? Is it the Buddha way to go with the teacher or not? Were the students asking themselves that question when they woke up? Do we ask ourselves that question? Are we really taking good care of the karmic consciousness which says, it's time for zazen. Now go back to bed. Now get up. How do we take care of this? Are we taking care of it? If we want to practice the essential art of zazen, the essential art of the Buddha way, maybe it requires that we thoroughly care for our karmic consciousness.

[31:10]

Maybe it requires that we thoroughly, moment by moment, care for our thinking. That we practice thinking so thoroughly that we're thinking of not thinking. Maybe that's necessary if we wish to do this kind of practice. If we don't, then maybe it's optional. So I'm telling you what I think non-thinking is. And I think that Dogen Zenji is saying to us that if we want to practice like the Buddha ancestors, we always use this thing called non-thinking.

[32:23]

They used it. They exerted it. They made efforts in non-thinking. If you have other ideas about what non-thinking is, I welcome to hear. Even if you disagree and think, no, no, Dogen Zenji doesn't really think we should be using non-thinking. Now show me what evidence you have for that. I'm becoming more and more confident and convinced that he is saying that in practicing the Buddha ancestors way, you use non-thinking, you use this essential art. And I'm proposing to you that this essential art is to thoroughly, carefully, generously, patiently, enthusiastically, calmly care for karmic consciousness, calmly care for your afflictions and other people's afflictions, that this practice is the essential art.

[33:37]

And it leads to the realization of thinking is not thinking. And their wonderful dynamic process of liberation and totally culminated enlightenment. Dropping off body and mind happens not because we do it but because there is this non-thinking happening. There's another story

[34:45]

which I may be able to bring up. But without telling you the whole story, I just want to tell you something in the middle of the story. And it's a conversation between Matsu Basso and his teacher, Nanyue Huairang, Nangako Eijo. Nanyue says to Matsu, if you grasp the form of sitting, you do not reach its principle or its essence. If you grasp if you attach to the form of sitting upright, you do not reach the principle of that upright sitting.

[36:01]

And Dogen Zenji wonderfully points out that in practicing the sitting of the Buddha we must grasp the form. And in grasping the form of sitting, we do not reach the essence of it. In practicing sitting, we must think about sitting. we must be deluded about sitting and we must grasp our deluded version of the practice of sitting. We must. And that does not reach the point. And then he says, the concerted effort

[37:07]

in this way is dropping off body and mind. To just cling to the form of sitting is not dropping off body and mind. But to grasp the form of practice, like the schedule or your posture, knowing that this form is not the form Caring for it so thoroughly in the grasping that you realize that this form of sitting does not reach the essence of the sitting. Taking care of that dynamic is the essential art of zazen. That is thinking, which is not thinking. That is grasping the form and understanding that it's not the form. thoroughly, energetically, totally devoted to the form, and understanding that this doesn't reach the essence.

[38:28]

That is the essential art of zazen. Or, I wonder if maybe that's the essential art of zazen. Dogen Zenji says that is dropping off body and mind. Taking care of this dynamic. Thinking about it. Thinking about thinking that you're practicing. and remembering that thinking about practicing does not reach the essence of practicing. But to carry and care for both sides, that is the way to harmonize body and mind with the way

[39:45]

Again, I suggest non-thinking is to compassionately care for limited and limited, limited and apparently limiting human thinking in order to realize the unlimited and unlimited Buddha mind state. We have something to take care of our thinking about our body and mind is calling out for care constantly. And it seems to be located and limited. It's not really, but if we care for it in its superficial form thoroughly, we will realize its profound, unlimited truth. It's a difficult task.

[42:05]

It's easy to be distracted. I propose this is the essential art of Zazen. Also, I often say when Suzuki Roshi was not too far from his death, which we never are, he said, now I'm old and I can't sit up straight anymore, but I can try. Now I'm old and it's hard for me to thoroughly care for my karmic consciousness moment by moment.

[43:09]

I can hardly do it, but I'm trying. And I I'm trying and I feel encouraged by what I'm saying to you to keep trying. If you have anything you'd like to offer, there is area right here to make offerings. And we have padding to place upon the hard wood floor. So it won't be so painful for them. Would someone donate their mat?

[44:13]

That's nice. Ah, yeah, right. Look at that. Wonderful. Is dropping off body and mind allowing the mind to flow naturally without exertion?

[45:57]

Without exertion? Well, I think the mind does flow with exertion. I think the mind is an exerting organism. I think the river, flowing river, is an exertion. With thinking we double exert. Hmm? What? With thinking. With thinking, yes. Allowing and thinking to me are two different things. Allowing and thinking are two different things? Allowing the thoughts to kind of pour out. by themselves, or thinking about them is an exertion? The thoughts flowing, as you say, that actually is thinking. The flow of thoughts is thinking.

[47:02]

I thought thinking about the flow is thinking. One of the things you can think about is the flow of thinking. But you can also think about an apple. But when there's thinking about Apple, the mind is flowing into that pattern of thought. Yesterday I had a little experience with this. That's why I bring it up. I just got out of the way. And for a very fraction of a second, it felt like I'd dropped off a lot of weight. How about now? How's the weight dropping?

[48:05]

Oh, right now it's not dropping. Right now it's fully engaged. You mean, oh, you think fully engaged is not the same as dropping? Yes. I disagree. Fully engaged is dropping. Partially engaged is an illusion, but when we're involved in the illusion of partial engagement, there's not dropping. Dropping is not realized, I should say. getting out of the way really happens when you're totally engaged? Are you totally engaged now? I think partially. You're partially totally? That's pretty good. Are you totally partially also? So, may I continue?

[49:11]

Are you continuing? I'm frustrated with my mind's trying to grasp. Ah, you're frustrated your mind's trying to grasp. Yes. Are you totally engaging that grasping or you want to go on to something besides totally engaging what you're doing? I'm not sure how to define wanting an answer. Is that totally engaging? I'm asking, if you want an answer, are you totally engaged in wanting the answer? Yes. Well, then you're free of that want, aren't you? A little bit.

[50:17]

I'm proposing to you that if you totally engage, if you totally encounter the want and the answer, you will become free of that wanting body and mind, will drop away. And the next moment you may want an answer again. I don't know. But if you want to get out of the way, you've got to totally encounter and embrace what's happening. including that you want something. That's an example of something to totally, completely care for. Otherwise, that want is going to apparently limit you in your life. So are you saying form is emptiness and emptiness is form and thinking and not thinking? Is that what total engagement means?

[51:22]

Is that you realize the emptiness of it and you drop off body and mind? I think... Is that what you're saying? I don't know if that's what I'm saying, but I kind of agree with you, except I would turn it around. Form is emptiness and emptiness in form is realized by total engagement. Isn't that what I just said? I don't know. Is it? I don't know. I thought I said that, but I may have... I thought I turned it around. Okay. But just... Just... [...] Now your turn. Say again? Say again. Now your turn. It's your turn.

[52:24]

It's been given to you. I'm losing you, sorry. I'm losing you, sorry? Was that totally exerted? Did you say that with your whole heart? I feel I'm getting in the way. I feel I get in the way of the process. All right, so that's how you feel right now? Do you feel like that's happening right now? Do you feel like you're getting in the way? Yes, because the self is arising.

[53:28]

All right, now let's take care of that feeling of totally getting in the way. I'm here to help you take care of that feeling that you have of getting in the way. Are you ready to take care of that feeling? Yes. Are you wholeheartedly taking care of that feeling? Yes. All right. Thank you. You're welcome. It's not easy, but it's simple. Please continue all the way over there. Before the intensive and this teaching, I thought I had a pretty good zazen relationship.

[54:41]

A little bit closer to your mouth. People in the back are going like this. Before this intensive, I thought I had a pretty good relationship with my daydreaming in zazen. And yesterday... Before the intensive you had? Yeah. And yesterday... It was rampant. Well, it seemed like such an easy game to play. Yesterday, yes? I was thoroughly, I thought, I think, I don't know if I was thoroughly engaged with my daydream, but they were running the show all day, every period of Zazen. I think I'm misunderstanding what it means to fully engage during Zazen. Again, I think of like the ocean, when you're on the ocean. Is the ocean running the show? Yes. You can say that, but also you can engage the ocean or not.

[55:43]

And when you engage it, it's not so much that the ocean's running the show. Obviously, you're not running the show. Obviously, I'm not running the show when I'm out in the ocean. I'm not running the show, but the ocean isn't running the show either. We're doing it together. And when the big waves of daydreaming come and the big dreams of night come, it's not that they're running the show and it's not that I'm running the show. There's a possibility of meeting together and finding out how we're doing this together. Without, I'm going to get control of these daydreams and they're going to be eliminated. Or, they're in charge and I'm just like not participating here, I'm just getting pushed around. I hope I don't get in trouble for this. No, I accept the responsibility of having a relationship with a powerful force called, sweetly, daydreams or California dreaming.

[56:59]

We do California dreaming here, right? New Orleans dreaming? Yeah, right. So there it is. It's a powerful force of nature exerting itself through your body and mind. Can you meet it and engage it totally? That's what I'm asking. How? Yeah, keep asking how. How can I meet this wave? How can I harmonize with this wave? How can I be kind to this wave? How can I be attentive to a daydream? Some people say, crush it. It's not supposed to be happening here. Some people say, indulge it. Say many things. But the bodhisattva practices, on the list of bodhisattva practices, there isn't crush. There isn't reject. There's giving. Ethical discipline.

[58:03]

Be careful of daydreams. They are powerful beings. If they're not attended to properly, they will slap us in the face or slap somebody else in the face. We have to be careful of them and patient with them. And we have to review how important it is to care for them in this way so that we feel enthusiastic about this very challenging job of dealing with daydreams. and nightmares and et cetera. And then we need to realize it would really be good to be super calm with this stuff. So I'm going to try to calm down with it. I'm not going to try to crush the waves, crush the daydreams, crush the sentient beings. I will despise no being in any state. I will be friendly to every being that comes in the way it is being taught. including the idea to crush the ideas, including the idea to control and suppress my thinking, whatever kind, and asking how, how can I harmonize with this body and mind?

[59:17]

Asking that is pretty close to the way. So you don't think if you're too friendly with the guests that they'll move in? Too friendly, you can be too friendly. Like Jackie said the other day, when a guest comes, you can lean forward. Come on in. If you get off balance with your guest, you can be too friendly or not friendly enough. Not friendly enough, leaning backwards. Too friendly, leaning forward. To be upright with your guest and really like totally planted. Landing in a place where you can ask questions. Who are you? What can I do to benefit you? I don't know who you are or what to do, but I'm totally here ready and wanting to help you. I want to be your friend, and I don't want to be too friendly. I want to be just the right amount of friend, and I wonder what that right amount of friendliness is. I don't know what it is.

[60:17]

If I know, that's too much. But then I'll be kind to that too, that knowing. It's another guest, which is not excluded. Thank you. You're welcome. Tilt it like, make it horizontal. Yeah. I also have a question about the flow of thought.

[61:20]

You have a question about the flow of thought? Yes. As I recall from class the other week, you spoke about letting go of thought as a way of recalling the mind. Yes, particularly, yeah, letting go of discursive thought in particular, but letting go of sort of little just individual thoughts and also letting go of discourse. Right, yes. And then, as I recall, you also spoke about in this calmness as an opportunity to study thoughts like this person is a so-and-so, which I have a problem with, that kind of thinking. Or as I said a moment ago, someone said, this is a good place to land and ask. You know, whatever. So once you come, that's a good place to land and ask, what is this? Who is this?

[62:22]

Is this the Buddha way or not? But as a practice, wouldn't that mean... Move the microphone just a little bit farther away. Okay. Is this better now? I think so. Okay. But as a method, wouldn't that mean directing some attention to this theme? perhaps an awareness of this person or so, to stay with that theme. If I just let thoughts come and go randomly by their own, probably they will glide somewhere else and I wouldn't study my thoughts about the so-and-so and my problem. Right, that could happen. So, when the guest comes, don't hold a guest for further interrogation if it wants to go, which means maybe, you didn't stay long enough for me to understand you. Too bad. So you don't, in the calming,

[63:26]

when the guest comes, you do the same thing that you did when you were developing calm. You treat it basically the same way, except in addition to letting it come and go, you now ask questions of it. But if the guest says, I'm leaving now, bye-bye, you let it go still. You don't hold on to it to try to get further information. I would do. I just wanted to check this fine point, because without discursive thought or holding on, I could still in my awareness, hold the sense of the relationship of this person without pulling thought of it, I could sort of dwell on the theme until it fades away. But that could take a certain act of will, a certain intention. You said dwell on the thought. I would say, maybe not say dwell, just care for the thought as long as it's available. Receive as much as it gives and give to it as much as you can give.

[64:33]

But when it's time for it to move, give it away. Right. So for me to be totally clear, you're not recommending meditating on the relationship as a... sort of object of meditation, or in meditation. Did you say I'm not recommending meditating on a relationship? Well, that's what I want to ask. Are you not suggesting that as a method? I'm saying yes. In a way, I'm suggesting meditating on a relationship, meditating on the compassionate relationship with whatever is happening. Meditate on that. with whatever's happening, be mindful of compassion towards whatever's coming. So I am recommending meditating on a relationship. Non-thinking is a relationship.

[65:35]

It's a way of being with thinking. So thinking's coming all the time, and I am recommending cultivating this relationship with thinking, this compassionate study of thinking. I'm slow today, so I'll just ask one more time for my understanding. So not investigating, not analyzing, not digging, no. Sometimes it may seem like analyzing. For example, if thinking comes and it's an analytical thinking, then when you engage with that analytic thinking, it may seem like analysis. Sometimes it may be an exploratory thinking or investigative thinking. When that kind of thinking comes, you engage that kind of thinking. And when you become intimate with that kind of thinking, it's not like, well, that thinking's investigative, but somebody over here isn't.

[66:39]

I'm saying welcome whatever comes. This is the way the Buddha relates to things. When analytical thinking comes, the Buddha meets and teaches analytic thinking. When nonanalytic thinking comes, the Buddha meets and relates to nonanalytic thinking. When feeling comes, the Buddha meets feeling and teaches feeling. When emotion comes, the Buddha meets and teaches emotion. Whatever comes, it's the same total intimate engagement and actualization and authentication of the meeting and all participants. So there's nothing that you cross off the list of what might come to be taken care of. So any state Any kind of philosopher, psychologist, physicist, upset person, frightened person, all these beings can come.

[67:46]

They're all related to by the same practice. And these things can all be in your own mind. But I'm not saying who to invite. and who to keep and who to get rid of sooner. I'm saying treat all with utmost respect and with these bodhisattva practices, apply them to every single guest. But I'm not into the guest list. Right. Except in the sense of, in the long run, we must invite everyone. I shouldn't say invite, but welcome. We're not in charge of the invitation list. I often tell people this quote from a book called Walden, where Thoreau says, all you need to do is sit long enough in an attractive spot in the forest for all the inhabitants to come and exhibit themselves in their turn.

[68:51]

According to theirs, you don't say whether it's a bear or a fox. They come, they will all come, but they won't come according to your schedule. But the bodhisattva is not into scheduling who the people are. Or if they're into scheduling, they do it as a gift, not as a controlling device. And when we're totally engaged with our guests, we drop off the body and mind, which is trying to control who's coming, which is wonderful. And if you're trying to control your guest list, if you have a few guests, you may get by with it, you think. But when the guest number increases, if you're trying to control the guests, you're going to have what we call burnout. So it really is like just let's engage each guest completely

[69:55]

And the next one, the next one, which means care for our own thinking. And don't worry about, don't worry about what the next one's going to be. And don't worry when this one's leaving ahead of when you feel you've completed the meeting. Thank you. You're welcome. You're so close, you might think, why move over two feet, right? It's the hot seat. It's a little hotter, yeah. Just a few feet makes a difference. What's coming for me is a voice that says, you need to walk away from this. You need to walk away completely and go back to something beautiful that you gave up.

[71:05]

And very frequently it takes all of my energy to come and sit in a zendo and do nothing about that. Do nothing about that voice that says you need to walk away? It was a poor choice of words. Okay. So you've got this thing, walk away and go back to something. I... I feel how much resistance it takes on my part to not give in to that. And I wonder what is welcoming about that. Not giving to what? The mandate to walk away, to leave, to stop this. And by stop this, what is this? this practice, doing this with my life. So there's a mandate to walk away from this practice, did you say?

[72:13]

Yeah. And what do you mean by this practice? Going down this road, this Okay, the idea that I have in my mind is becoming a monk, becoming and everything that that entails. So you hear a kind of request to walk away from the path of being a monk? and everything that entails, to walk away from that and go someplace else? Walk a different path? Yeah. And what would that different path be? I feel like I'm getting further away from my question.

[73:16]

Okay. I didn't hear a question yet, so maybe a question would be good. Okay. Well, maybe I should stop. Or maybe you should look and see what the question is and bring the question when you have it. But, yeah, I would encourage you to, I mean, I myself welcome this request to walk away from to walk away from your idea of a monk. I would welcome that request to walk away from that. Now, welcoming that request to walk away from it is part of the monk's way. Monks welcome. Bodhisattva monks welcome all the requests that arise in that mind.

[74:21]

They welcome them all. you don't have to be an ordained monk to do that, but a bodhisattva welcomes all the inner requests. And by engaging in a welcoming manner these inner requests, the bodhisattva realizes peace with them. The bodhisattva engages, encounters these requests, and authenticates them by this welcoming process. And you don't have to be a monk to do that. But if one wishes to be a bodhisattva, then that would entail welcoming the impulse to not be a bodhisattva. Bodhisattvas welcome contradictory intentions to their vows or to their vows they're considering entering.

[75:30]

It's a normal part of the bodhisattva path to have vows or vows which you're about to make and notice that there's conflicting intentions. That's part of it. And to find our way with these vows is to welcome the way we are considering going and the alternatives. My heart is pounding and I'm shaking.

[77:09]

And I've been wondering what that is because I have a question and I don't mind being wrong. And I'd like to hear your feedback. And I think it's something like being afraid of not being able to fully express myself. Could you hear her? Would it be better if I was a little louder? That particular statement would have been good to say really loudly. Try again. So, I have a practice that I've been engaged in that I would like to tell you I want to know if it's the feedback, whether it's leading me in a wrong path.

[78:12]

It sounds different than what you've been inviting us to do. Or maybe it's more like the remedial practice that came up as a suggestion in class. So I have this picture with a message that's been helping me for the last few years, and I've shared it with some other people. And it says, it's a woman standing there with her hands crossed in front of her. And it says, don't go there. And you've been talking about welcoming. And I've been holding this as a way, particularly when Situations like Michaela brought up, I know where this is going. It's unwholesome.

[79:13]

And to educate or discipline myself to come back here, I remind myself, don't go there. Not like, you know, tight. Yeah. You've said enough for me to respond to. Okay, I'm all ears now. What you're bringing up is not necessarily a remedial practice, but more of an ongoing practice, I think. And you can say, don't go there, or rather the thought, don't go there, can arise in your mind. You don't even have to try to say it. It can just come up in your mind, don't go there. Yes. And when it comes, I'm recommending, welcoming, don't go there. Already, don't go there has had a life right now. And you have supported it.

[80:18]

You've let it be. And it has supported me. And it's supporting me right now. Don't go there. You can also then, if you wish, I shouldn't say if you wish, you can also make that a gift. You can make that don't go there a gift to yourself or to someone else. You say, oh, it came as a gift. Now I wish to offer it as a gift. I'm not trying to control myself. I'm not trying to control anybody else. I respect myself. But I'm going to give myself a gift called don't go there. And then you might go there. But anyway, you gave yourself that gift. And you felt good about giving that gift. You were encouraged by that practice. And then you proceeded to do other practices with that. Like to be careful after you gave the gift and don't go there. Like, don't go there. I offer that gift. I offer that limit.

[81:19]

I offer that boundary. And now I'm going to be careful of it. I'm going to watch what happens now that I've offered this gift. Don't go there. Am I tightening up around it again? Am I getting, you know, so on? So don't go there isn't a loud guest in this world of Buddha. Don't go there can come. And once it comes, you can say, well, it came, but also I send it. Or I invited it. And I invited it. I didn't notice I invited it, but now that it's here, I say I invited it. This person came to visit me. I didn't notice I invited them, but I'm going to act kind of like I did. I'm going to welcome them as though I did invite them in a way. I'm in the spirit of totally engaging this guest called, don't go there, to let it have its full life so that the body and mind of don't go there can drop off. Don't go there can be authentic if we engage it properly.

[82:21]

Go there can be the same. So this lady here, this is not necessarily a remedial avatar. She's a guest, though, in my life and yours. I welcome her, and I wish her to be a gift to me and from me. And now we can move on to the next guest. Yes, I feel when, in this case, she comes in and I calm down, then all the other guests have a chance to show up and for me to be present with them in a way that's whatever. It's okay. Analytical or... It's okay for there to be... I've talked about not inviting people, but don't be attached to that either.

[83:25]

You can invite some people to come and hold your hand because when you're holding hands with some people, you can invite a lot of other people. Or rather, when you're holding some people's hand, you feel like, I can welcome everybody now that you're here with me. So that sounds pretty good. And then say, you know, eventually I'm going to not be holding on to you so tightly, I think. But right now, I'm just going to hold your hand because it seems to be promoting something else which is quite wholesome. Matter of fact, now I'm ready to not hold on to your hand anymore, but just be near you. I still feel your encouragement." And so on. This is part of non-thinking, to be that way with helpers in the great work. Just looking at this helper there. Would you like her? I've got others of her.

[84:26]

I don't think you need her. There was an impulse for me to sort of like relieve you of her, but I thought, no, maybe later. How many of those did you have? Quite a few. The same woman? Well... Or some other... No, no, no, no. They're all the same woman. Just other helpers. This is the don't-go-there bodhisattva. Oh, you have some other bodhisattvas that are helping you too. Yes, but this one is... This is the don't-go-there bodhisattva. You only have one of those don't-go-there bodhisattvas? Do you mean like that looks like this? Yeah, the piece of paper. I have other pieces of paper that look just like this. Did you make color xeroxes of it? I did at Kinko's. Wow. She doesn't look as good in this shrunken size. You've got some big ones? I found her in a magazine.

[85:28]

She was big. She was big in the magazine. Wow. She was up on my wall for quite a while. No, thank you. Okay. That's good for me. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm amazed by meeting your friends. You have a lot of friends. No rush.

[86:39]

We're all landed here. Still landing. Yeah. So it seems as though there is a skillful aspect of welcoming that you're describing that I hadn't fully understood in just the description of welcoming. And, um, this is kind of a relief because I am often kind of overrun with guests, but, um, it's, it's in maybe kind of what you were talking about with Michaela as well. Um, It seems like we don't have to just let the guests run through our whole house and dig stuff up, and we can sort of work together. Yeah, that's what we're working towards, is working with our guests. to really have it be a dynamic relationship where we're not in a fixed position.

[87:46]

So eventually the guests could turn into hosts and we could be the guests and, you know, that it wouldn't be fixed as we more and more fully engage the welcoming process, it becomes more and more insubstantial. How insubstantial? In what way insubstantial? It becomes less substantial that you're the host. you know, that you can realize, oh, the host has come. The word host is one of these interesting words in English where the original meaning has been reversed. So originally host meant a stranger, you know, like actually an army coming. The origin of the word host was a foreign army. But it has now become that what was originally guest is now Host originally meant guest, in a sense, but now it means the receiver of the guests.

[88:47]

Like the word hostel, you know, and hotel are related. Oh, that kind of hostel. Yeah, but it got reversed. So host originally meant guest. And in Zen, we're playing with it all the time, that the teacher plays the role of the host, and the student the guest, for the student and the teacher, the student to realize that they're the host in that relationship, and the teacher not to hold on to the host position and be able to be the guest. So the turning of the host and the guest is an essential part of Buddha Dharma. I think sometimes I forget that I'm the host. And there's just guests coming at me constantly. And I'm trying to respond, but I don't do that very skillfully. You forget you're the host, but you don't switch over to being the guest. I don't even know what happens. I don't know where I go. And I don't think that that's non-thinking either.

[89:51]

Or maybe it is. Caring for not knowing where to go is non-thinking. Non-thinking is the presence and the exertion of not knowing where to go, that there's some awakeness and uprightness in not knowing which direction is up, to being flipped around in this world and still be upright. That's the non-thinking, to stay with this and ride this process intimately. So it is possible that sometimes you feel like, this is too many guests, I'm not able to be conscious here, I'm not able to be upright. But then when you're aware of that, you're upright again. And also I think again, I say it again and again, there's this don't go there thing. And so we need to energetically, wholeheartedly, gently, generously

[90:53]

express our limits. Our thinking appears to have limits in it. We should disclose and be honest, I feel my limits here. I want to give you my limits, not to control you, but just to let you know I'm feeling overwhelmed. I have requests to make that you give me some space. And I feel good because I really feel like it's a gift right now. I'm not trying to control you. I'm just showing you that I'm feeling like I would like some space. I would like a limit here. and I'm going to ask you to give it to me. Not to get you to give it to me, but to tell you who I am. I've learned that now. This is part of giving. Part of expanding the giving is to know how to honor when we feel a limit come up, to be as generous towards a limit as towards an opening. Welcome opening, welcome closing. Closings are guests too. So this is part of the skill of being a great host

[91:59]

is to know how to give gifts as boundaries. Honesty is necessary there, and awareness of whether you're balanced or not. I could be more balanced if you would stop talking right now, I could find my balance again. So please give me some silence, please. Okay, now you can start talking again. I invite you to, if you wish. Oh, no, I'm losing it. Just a second. That actually clarifies a lot. Great. I think I will put a limit on my thinking for right now. Okay. Put a limit on it without trying to control it. Yeah, it's very important for us to learn how to offer limits in a respectful way.

[93:11]

Go ahead and sit down and I'll give it to you after you're settled. Ready? Yeah. Thank you. You're welcome. I'm here to represent. Can you hear me? Yes. Is it working? I don't want to hear about guests. I don't want to hear about welcome or host or any of those nice things. I had an experience a few days ago, and I'm really grateful to your...

[94:12]

the presentation you made in the Wheelwright Center. Because I thought, how did he know? Because I thought about leaving. Thank you. Because I was so hurt by something that had happened. And I suppose it tapped into stuff in my past, I don't know. But I was so overtaken by it that it seemed like I couldn't begin to welcome it or even look at it. It just, you know, it went around with, you know, kind of this horrible feeling inside and feeling kind of annihilated. So... I found what I found since then that seemed to help a little bit. Okay, so I really did think, I don't want to go through this ever again. I'm never coming back to Greencold. Wow. You know, all that stuff. And it dissipated over time. But what gave me a kind of hope that I could eventually maybe come to where you're talking was in Zazen feeling a kind of spaciousness and feeling like,

[95:28]

So I don't know if I have a question. I really wanted to kind of rant. But you did, I know you did at some point talk about when you're so overcome by feelings, and I think you did address what to do about that or how to deal with it or how to accept that as, anyway, can you help us? I don't know if I can. I'd like to. When someone is so caught up in one of these, whatever they are, just overcome by feelings like that, and then all the attendant stories that come, It seems impossible to stop and think about welcoming or about maybe studying could come first.

[96:30]

And maybe that's the same thing. Oh, Reb, have I said something terrible? You look worried. I'm sorry. But what about when you can't welcome what's happening and also you can't study it? What about when you're just being flipped around and you can't even remember anything about anything? That sounds right. So that's the situation that we're trying to get ready for. Okay. The most challenging, disorienting form of karmic consciousness. The one that just, we're totally disoriented. It's so dynamic. Thank you. You're welcome. You're going to give it back to me?

[97:34]

Do you want it back? Yeah, I do, actually. Unless you want it? Don't get me to wash it. You didn't get that dirty. No, it was just... Part of my good fortune in this life is that my mother was unable to clean up certain things in the house, like vomit, without vomiting herself. So she asked me to. And so I learned to clean up messes. And so I feel it was really nice that I got a chance to encounter messes and, you know, without that kind of experience you might think that

[98:43]

You might think that it would be a problem if somebody vomited on you or something like that. But if you train in it, it's more than you can actually eventually feel comfortable. But it's also okay to ask people to cover their coughs by coughing to their sleeve. But if they miss their sleeve... and involve you in their expectorations, it's nice to be able to be trained and be ready for that. It's a kind of fluid martial arts. It's good to know and have training in this, all these different kinds of special guests. So I feel grateful my mother asked me to clean up those messes. So I know that it's possible to get in there and clean it up. I may forget, but I can remember, oh yeah, we can get in there in just about any situation.

[99:58]

And those situations are coming to us. And if we get out of practice, we may become queasy. Do you know queasy? We may shrink back from certain kind of messiness. And then we know, oh, I'm getting a little out of shape here. and I haven't been meeting certain guests for a while, so I'm not used to it. So I'm feeling an area there to pay attention to.

[100:28]

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