Once again, please support me to say that all Buddhas and all ancestors who uphold Buddha Dharma have made it the true path of enlightenment to sit upright, practicing in the midst of self-receiving and employing samadhi. They made this the true path of enlightenment because teachers and disciples mutually transmitted this as the essence of the teaching in India and in China and in Japan and I hope now in the West and back to Japan.

[01:10]

Practicing in the midst of this samadhi is practicing in the midst of the teachings of the Mahayana. In the great Avatamsaka Sutra it says, the earth expounds the Dharma. All sentient beings expound the Dharma. Throughout the three times and the whole universe, everything expounds the Dharma. This is the realm of self-receiving and employing samadhi wherein everything is doing the Buddha's work of teaching the Dharma.

[02:27]

The Amitabha Mahayana Sutra says, water, birds, trees and groves all recite Buddha's name, all recite the inconceivable Dharma ceaselessly. Even though the Mahayana Sutras say this, they say a lot of other things, and this simple, lovely point, and rather amazing point, is sometimes lost in the chorus of the Dharma.

[03:34]

So, our great ancestor, Dungsan, as a young monk, after visiting the great teacher, Nanchuan, managed to meet another great teacher named Guishan. And when he met Guishan, oh, excuse me, yeah, when he met Guishan, he said, I recently heard that the national teacher Jung, who's a disciple of the sixth ancestor, national teacher Jung of Nanyang maintains a doctrine that non-sentient beings expound the Dharma. I have not yet comprehended the subtleties of this teaching." Grayshan said, Acharya, can you remember and recite the details of what you heard?

[04:52]

And young Dongshan Liangjie, at that time his name was Liangjie, he wasn't yet Dongshan, he hadn't been to Dongshan yet, young Liangjie said, I can recite the details of this teaching. And then Guishan said, then why don't you try to recite it for me? And Nalyang Jai said, a monk asked the national teacher, what sort of thing is the mind of the ancient Buddhas? And the national teacher replied, it's walls tiles and rubble.

[05:58]

I imagine that they were sitting in a Chinese temple and the monk's asking him and the teacher happens to see a wall around the garden and sees the wall with the tiles and some of the tiles have fallen on the ground. It's like that, right there. Walls, tiles and rubble. The monk says, Walls, tiles and rubble? Aren't those non sentient beings? The master says, Yes. The monk says, and yet they can expound the Dharma?" And the master says, Yes. Constantly, ceaselessly, incandescently expounding the Dharma.

[07:17]

Not just redwood trees, I'm saying. Not just redwood trees and this beautiful ocean and the rain. They are expounding the Dharma, but also the compost area, the recycling area, the maintenance shop, the office. Everything is performing Buddha's work. teaching the Dharma. The monks said, then why can't I hear it? And the national teacher says, though you yourself haven't heard it, this doesn't hinder that which does hear it.

[08:27]

though you have not yet heard the Dharma taught by all things, each thing, that doesn't hinder that which does hear it." The monk says, what sort of person acquires such hearing? And the national teacher says, all the sages have acquired such, all the saints, I would say maybe, all the saints have acquired such hearing. The monk said, can you hear it, teacher? And the national teacher said, no, I can't. And the monk said, if you haven't heard it, how do you know that non-sentient beings expound the Dharma?

[09:44]

The national teacher said, fortunately, I haven't heard it. If I had, I would not be able, I would be the same as the saints. and therefore you would not be able to hear the Dharma I teach." The monk says, in that case ordinary people would have no access to it. The national teacher said, I teach ordinary people, not saints. The monk said, What happens to ordinary people who hear you? What happens after ordinary people hear you?

[10:52]

They are not ordinary people anymore. The monk said, According to what sutra does it say that non-sentient beings expound the Dharma? The national teacher says, of course, it's clear that you aren't suggesting that it's not in the sutras. Haven't you seen in the Avatamsaka Sutra where it says the earth expounds the Dharma? all sentient beings expound it. Throughout the three times of the universe, everything expounds it. The young monk Liangjie said, that's the story. Guishan says, that teaching exists here too.

[12:02]

However, one seldom encounters someone capable of hearing it. Dengshan said, Liangjie said, I still don't understand it clearly. Would the master please comment? Guishan raised his whisk. and said, Do you understand? Our great ancestor, Liangjie, said, No, I don't. Please, Master, explain further. Guishan said, It can never be explained to you by means of the mouth of one born of mother and father."

[13:10]

Liangjie said, Does the master have any contemporaries in the way who might help clarify this problem for me? Guishan said, from here, go to Yuxian in Liling, where you will find some linked caves. Living in those caves is a person of the way named Yunyan. if you are able to push aside the grass and gaze into the wind, then you will find him worthy of your respect. Liang Jie said, what sort of a man is he?

[14:18]

Guishan said, once he said to me, actually once he said to this old monk, What should I do if I wish to follow you, teacher?" This old monk replied, You must immediately cut off all outflows. Yuen Yen said, Then will I come up to the teacher's expectation? And this old monk Guishan said, you will get absolutely no answer as long as I am here. Our great ancestor Liangjie accordingly took leave of Guishan and proceeded directly to Yunyan's place

[15:30]

making reference to the previous encounter with Guishan, he immediately asked, what sort of person is able to hear the Dharma expounded by non-sentient beings? Yuen Yen said, non-sentient beings are able to hear the Dharma. Liangjie said, Can you hear it, teacher? Yuen Yuen replied, If I could hear it, then you would not be able to hear the Dharma that I teach. Why can't I hear it? Liangjie said. Yuen Yuen raised his fly whisk and said, Can you hear it?

[16:40]

Tung Shan said, No, I can't. Yuen Yuen said, if you can't even hear it when I expound the Dharma, how do you expect to hear when a non-sentient being expounds the Dharma?" Liangjie said, in which sutra is it taught that non-sentient beings expound the Dharma? And Yuen Yuen said, haven't you seen it? In the Amitabha Sutra, it says, water birds, tree groves, all without exception, recite Buddha's name, recite the Dharma. Reflecting on this is one translation.

[17:48]

Another translation is, Dung Chan had a little understanding on this. and he offered the following verse. How amazing! How amazing! Hard to comprehend the non-sentient beings' teaching of the Dharma. It simply cannot be heard with the ear. But when sound is heard with the eye, then it is understood. Liang Jie then stayed with Yuen Yuen and helped him make sandals for quite a while. And there's many stories about their time together.

[18:49]

During which time Yuen Yuen happily practiced with Yangjie, happily practicing. Then about 400 years later in China, I mean Japan, a disciple of these two monks named Dogen, carries forth this teaching and suggests to us that in this samadhi, that in this Mahayana bodhisattva samadhi, everything in the universe

[19:56]

everything in the universe, he tells us. Earth, grass, trees, walls, tiles, and rubble all engage in Buddha activity. All perform Buddha's work. And those who are open and gentle and upright and receive the benefits of wind and water caused by the walls, tiles, pebbles doing Buddha's work are inconceivably helped by the Buddha's guidance radiant and unthinkable.

[21:03]

And they awaken intimately to themselves. They exhibit immediate states of realization. They actualize enlightenment right at hand. Because of the Buddha work, of all things, assisting them. And then this assistance resonates back from them to all things and helps all beings, common people as well as sages. It resonates back to the sages and the common people and the grasses and the trees. And on and on the Buddha work goes. And then in the first story, in the sutra it didn't mention that this teaching of all things does not appear within perception.

[22:18]

The sutra didn't mention it. I didn't mention the sutra saying that. But in the story of the national teacher and his interactions, you can see the indication that this teaching of the Dharma does not appear within perception, not appearing within the perception of the samadhi. Although some people have access to it, they're called the saints. But that's not the immediate realization. The immediate realization does not appear within perception, because it is unconstructedness. It is unconstructedness in stillness. It is immediate realization. And because it appears within excuse me, it is unconstructedness in stillness.

[23:28]

But another translation is it occurs within unconstructedness and stillness. I kind of prefer that it is unconstructedness and stillness, this Buddha work. rather than the Buddha work appears within. But it's kind of like somewhere between it is the unconstructedness and stillness. It is unconstructedness and stillness. And that this Buddha work of all things teaching occurs within unconstructedness and stillness. Somewhere you can handle that resonance there. That vibration between it is the unconstructedness and stillness and within unconstructedness and stillness. In this stillness mind and object merge in realization and go beyond realization. In this stillness mind and object enter realization and leave realization.

[24:35]

In this stillness mind and object appear and disappear. this state, this samadhi, things are appearing and disappearing. Objects are appearing and disappearing. Objects are entering realization and leaving realization. They're merging in realization and going beyond realization. This is the Buddha work. But it's happening without, it's happening, things are happening in stillness and there's no construction by which this could be made into a perception. This occurs in the sphere, in the state, in the realm of self-receiving and employing samadhi. without moving a particle of dust.

[25:41]

All these things perform Buddha's great work of teaching the profound Dharma. And while this work is going on, in stillness, without moving anything, everything's happening without anything moving. Again, grass, trees and lands are embraced by this teaching and together radiate a great light and again expound the Dharma. Things appear and disappear within this This is the Buddha work, and this Buddha work influences the grass, the trees, and the lands. And the grass, trees, and lands together radiate a great light which continues the teaching in this way. This constant, incessant teaching of the Dharma goes on.

[26:53]

And sitting in this teaching, of this awareness is proposed as the true path of enlightenment, which once again is the same as reverence for Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. Simple reverence for Buddha, Dharma and Sangha. together or with every action of body, speech and mind. Any feedback?

[28:05]

Have you memorized that story? Do you know that story? You know, if you use it, it records really nicely. And they can hear you in the back. Having had the pleasure of living at Zen Center for the past eight years, I'm now stepping out into the marketplace. You're now eight years older. I'm now eight years older, wiser, hopefully, with some gifts in my hand. Oh, great. Maybe two hands, which is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. And when I listen and I hear you speaking and I'm in Sangha and in practice period and on retreat and in the intensive and I'm surrounded by people in robes, it's so easy to stay connected to the teachings.

[29:11]

It's conceivable in its inconceivability when I'm here because that's all there is to do and it makes complete sense. That's what life is. But it scares me, the idea of stepping outside of this. And how do we stay connected with the importance of Dharma and of the teachings and of Sangha when we're kind of in the hurly-burly hustle of life, you know, trying to get gas and standing in lines and people being rude on the streets? How am I going to stay connected to that? Because I'm afraid that when I leave here, somehow I'm going to kind of forget. Well, you might forget. but you might notice that you forgot. In my early days of practicing at Zen Center, living at the city center, I was downtown one time at Macy's. I think it was maybe Christmas time.

[30:14]

I was downtown at Macy's in San Francisco, and I noticed that I was missing Zazen. It was 5.30 and I thought, oh, I'm missing Zazen. But nobody else in Macy's thought they were missing Zazen. I don't think. I didn't see any other people there going, oh, I miss Zazen. So remembering that you're missing Zazen, you're home again. So you may forget, but some people here also forget Zazen. They miss it. And they think, oh, I miss Zazen. And being here, it's easy to remember that you're missing Zazen. But I think after eight years, you have a really good chance of remembering that you're forgetting, remembering that you're not being mindful, noticing that, and then saying, oh yeah, that's right, that's what I, that's where my, that will really help me do well here if I, now that I'm remembering that.

[31:19]

So sometimes you will remember, which is great, and other times you may forget. But if you don't notice that you're forgetting, you probably should come back for a while longer until... Of course you're going to forget sometimes. But I think now you'll notice when you forget a lot of the time, so then you can reveal and disclose your lack of faith and practice before the Buddhas and melt away the root of transgressing from your practice. which you're doing here too, but I think it's maybe sunk into you enough so that if you forget, if you stray away, you will notice and you will admit that, you will be able to confess that and feel that you do not want to be distracted from this, and you'll come back. But you're extending into an area where it's going to be more challenging to stay with it. But that's what we want. We want all of us to be extending into areas where we can find it in areas where we hadn't been able to see it before.

[32:27]

To hear the Dharma in places where before we couldn't hear it. But again, if you notice, I haven't even noticed that I haven't noticed, then you have to come back and train some more. But probably you have to come back anyway. Most of us have to come back occasionally and check in again. Like one of the early stories I read before I came to Zen Center about the Zen monk who studied for eight years. And then she went away. And then she came back to visit her teacher on a rainy night. And she went and said, you know, good evening, teacher. And teacher said, which side of the entryway did you put your umbrella and which side did you put your sandals? she couldn't remember. So she stayed and studied six more years. So if you notice that you're losing your mindfulness, you probably should come back, if you're not ready to be out there, if you can't at least notice.

[33:33]

But you can probably. And then you can just come back for, you know, tune-ups. Yeah. Yeah, that's my intention. And I think that was part of the reason for Sudhir, as she said one time, that he said to me, he said, you know, you live here, so you really don't need sesshins because you have daily practice. He said, sesshins are for people who don't live here so they can come back. five days or seven days and taste the practice again and say, oh yeah, that's it, that's it, and then go out. So we do need these intensives. Unless we live here, we need some way to come back. So you all come back and check in with us. Don't stay away too long. But if you lose it quickly and you feel like you're really, then come back right away. When I lose my mind? If you lose your mind, you can lose your mind, but don't lose your mindfulness.

[34:38]

Right. If you're kind of like, oh God, I'm losing my mind. I am, this is like a lost mind here, that's fine. Right. So as long as I'm not really losing it, I'm fine. Yeah, exactly. Or this is a mind which I'm giving away, that's fine. But to not notice, I don't want you to miss out on your life, right? No. But I think you will, I think you will notice. I think so too. Yeah. And I understand the, when I first came to Zen Center, I couldn't understand, there were two words that didn't make much sense to me, practice. I'm like, what are they practicing? Practicing what? I don't see anyone practicing anything in particular. So now, of course, I understand that. And also this notion of training, that was always rather a kind of a concept that I couldn't really grasp. And now I feel like I really get it, and I really get that. come here to train and then we go out. And actually Zen Center isn't, or the practice, monasticism isn't necessarily set up for us just to stay because it's wonderful and comfortable and offers great gifts.

[35:41]

I agree. I agree. And when I came, I came when I was 23 and my intention was to study for seven years and then go out and do something with the aid of the training. But then I didn't go. But I revved my intention, and I still may go. And do something. Maybe we'll do something together. Yeah. Come stay with me. Definitely. If I find somewhere to live. Okay. Thank you. You're welcome. Well, my question relates to what you talked about yesterday about wholeheartedness. And so I'll tell you a short story that relates.

[36:43]

When I was in my 20s, I was a communist. And, you know, I did the whole deal. I joined a national organization that was considered the number one threat to national security. You know, paid dues. And I came out of the 60s. Some of us remember the 60s. And based on everything that was going on at that time, I saw so much suffering and so much going on that that was my path. That's how I saw how to end the suffering, the exploitation, the oppression, the war, all that stuff that was going on. So instead of having my professional job, I went and worked in a foundry in a General Motors plant, and I moved into the black neighborhoods, and I was involved in everything. And I had a loaded shotgun next to my bed because at that time there were people who were going in and shooting people like us, like the Black Panthers and stuff.

[37:51]

So to say that I was into it wholeheartedly is not an exaggeration. So, you know, here I am. I really cared about people. It was almost like I had some kind of . But my teachers were people like Marx and Lenin and Mao. And, you know, at a certain point, I realized that wasn't going to work for me anymore. So the question is, I mean, I was really wholeheartedly acting. in a way that I felt was going to alleviate suffering. And yet somehow I have a hard time seeing where there has to be some break. I mean, you know, just because I'm doing something wholeheartedly for that reason, it doesn't necessarily mean that I'm going to have realization of the Buddhism bodhisattvas, I presume.

[38:51]

Did I have it then? You know, it doesn't feel like it. So I'm really confused about this question and what the criteria is or when is it... You understand my question? I think I do, yeah. I guess I was thinking now what... I agree that you were wholehearted but I feel that you didn't really understand your wholeheartedness. And the part that I don't feel that you understood was how everybody was working to support you, and you were supporting everyone. And you were wholehearted, but I don't think you understood that you were supporting everyone. and everyone was supporting you. From your story, that part's missing. And that part of your heart wasn't functioning in your story. Your story doesn't talk about that. You're talking about being connected to people? Yeah.

[39:55]

It didn't sound like you felt... I didn't get the impression like you were... really felt like you were supporting the capitalists and the capitalists were supporting you. No, and I had anger and I had hatred towards... So that's... I think when you're... No matter what state you're in, I say you are wholehearted, but if you don't understand how you're working together with everybody in that state, if you were angry and you understood how your anger was supporting all beings and all beings were supporting your anger, then all beings... That would not be, that would be okay, that kind of anger. That would be the anger everyone's sharing and supporting. And everyone is, whatever you're doing, people are sharing and supporting with you, and you're supporting them. If you understand that, that's wholeheartedness. And that is making offerings to Marx and Lenin for their welfare, but it's also serving the Buddhas and revering the Buddhas, revering the peaceful ones, and

[40:57]

it's the path of peacefulness and then then you realize wholeheartedness. So I think you were wholehearted but I think that there was a lack in your realization of it and that's what led you to see this is not this is not really a wholehearted path for me and led you to look for other paths which you're now opening up to which I think are not more wholehearted but more likely for you to realize the wholeheartedness of life, the actuality of everything, teaching each other. Your story, it wasn't, I don't feel like you really thought some people, you thought these people were your teacher, but those people weren't. Oh, clearly, yeah. I mean, I clearly had a version. I mean, in this practice, I stopped hating George Bush. You know, that's a lot of progress. It's fabulous. Because I'll tell you, I used to hate Nixon, and I used to hate Bush.

[42:01]

I called myself a Buddhist, and I hated Bush. Yeah, a lot of Buddhists think that that's one exception that's permitted. Yeah. Yeah. They got their membership card, but they think, well, you know, there's a loophole here. Yeah. Don't have to love George. Matter of fact, you can hate him. But I think to feel pain at some of the things that are being done, to feel pain about it, that's okay, I think. And then feel compassion rather than hate and blaming, like they're doing it rather than we're supporting them. That's a tough transition. But I'm very happy to hear that you had that breakthrough. That's great. Which one? The loving George Bush. Took a lot of practice. It's a big practice.

[43:04]

I'm not completely free from aversion. But I've made progress. Yeah, so, and just disclose that. There's a little bit of aversion again. There's a little bit of thinking, he's appraising myself at his expense. A lot of people are thinking, well, I have a little better understanding than him. And then they feel embarrassed, right? They're embarrassed about, this is our president, rather than, you know, yes, this is not so skillful, but I'm not so skillful either. Exactly. It's okay to notice unskillfulness, just don't put yourself above it. It's good to see you.

[44:11]

Good to see you. Yesterday you talked about the role of the teacher as helping us understand or recognize that everything we think are stories. And when I was hearing that, I wondered about direct experience. And today, you seem to be pointing towards direct experience. Example, I am walking across the street And a truck comes barreling at me.

[45:13]

And I experience terror. I am a bundle of terrified atoms. That's all. At that second, I am a bundle of terrified atoms. Or I look at a child, my child. And in that instant, I experience love, and I'm a bundle of cuddly atoms. Or at a different level of experience, I sit and think about turning the light inward, and I experience whoosh. What about that direct experience and the role of the teacher?

[46:18]

What is that direct experience? Is that direct experience a story, or what is this teacher's role in a student coming with that? Well, a teacher might be able to ask you of what you just told me about direct experience. Was that a story? At the second of the direct experience, no. If I come to you, sometimes I might make up a whole story about it to bring, but if I just say that, this is the direct experience. Mush. Terror. Terror. whoosh, that doesn't feel like a story to me. Yeah, so the teacher might not be able to help you see that what you're talking about is a story. In this case, the teacher doesn't seem to be able to help you see that.

[47:26]

But, you know, part of the teachers are also, you know, part of their job is to fail at their job. So you can do it. But the teacher can also, it sounded like the stories you were telling today is the teacher pointing you to that direct experience rather than a story. And trying to... I wasn't really pointing at direct experience. I was pointing at a state of realization which is not an experience. Direct perception is very important in our practice, but the state of how we're working together is not a direct experience. Our relationship is not an experience. Now, we could have direct, we could be dancing and have each of us have direct experience of our dance, but our dance is not our experience of the dance.

[48:36]

Our dance is actually Buddha's work. Buddha's work is not a direct experience. It's the world of Dharma. And it's the teaching that and wishes are, you know, wishes and whooshes and all this stuff, all that can appear and disappear within stillness. Yes. But those are not the realm in which everything's teaching. They occur within that realm without moving anything, and everything's assisting each other, that's not a perception. That's not an experience. That's actually the activity of Buddha. And being aware of our storytelling is kind of necessary so that we realize storytelling is going on, storytelling is going on, and being generous and gracious with the storytelling

[49:52]

we get more and more not thinking that the storytelling is the realization. And we become more and more open in our practicing in the midst of this stillness, in this unconstructedness. And it's not like I'm trying to stop somebody from telling stories or get somebody someplace where they're not telling stories. But stories are appearing and disappearing, and if we deal with them properly, they will not be confused with the Buddha's work, with the teaching of the Dharma. But sometimes we can't quite get that it's a story and we think it's a reality. Well, you know, historically you've taught in the Samdhani Ramachandrasutra phase... This is actually her story. In that story. Now, of course, I'm going to make up a story about what you taught.

[50:56]

I think you're getting the picture. And that's fine. Go ahead. And tell us your story of what I taught. Okay. Well, this is one piece of it. You taught a lot. But part of it was that we could cultivate a state through yogic states and concentration where we could have an experience without a laya laying a whole trip on it. without having a story, basically, that we could, in fact, experience direct perception. We could experience blue. We could experience whatever, light, without all that stuff, that we could actually work to get there. Did you not tell us that? Well, maybe I did. I don't know. Does anybody else remember? But today when you said it, it sounds like a different story, but I think that we can, you know, what do you call it, swap stories? What happened?

[51:58]

Yeah. It's actually the case that every event has the quality of the absence of projection upon it. Yes. Yes. That's actually what's called the thoroughly established character of things. That's the ultimate truth, is that whatever happens, actually any kind of projection on it, any kind of story about it doesn't actually touch it. That's always the case. But in order to realize that nature of things, that they're untouched by our stories, the first thing we do, well, is recognize not the first thing we do, but after some preparation, we start to look at the stories. And by taking care of the stories, we open up to the unstoried quality. But it's not that there's no stories, because we need the stories to know that they're absent from what's going on.

[53:06]

So we're still working with the stories. It's not that stories aren't part of our work. And they are part of the work right all the way along. And when we are able to realize that things are actually free of our stories about them, then we open to their wonderful interdependent character. Things are interdependent, but our stories about interdependence do not reach interdependence. And that's the ultimate nature of interdependence, is that no story of interdependence really reaches it. It's empty of our stories about it. But if we don't take good care of our stories, we won't be able to verify that they're not present in dependent core rising, in Buddha's work. So we're not trying to get rid of these stories. So I didn't say the teacher's job is to help the student get rid of the stories.

[54:08]

the teacher's job is to help the student tune into and be aware of the storytelling so that she can verify what the story is and then see that it's not present in any phenomena and then realize the truth of the phenomena and open to the samadhi which is, in fact, what's happening and making you into this dharma teacher that you are. thank you you're welcome thanks for the history So I have had that experience of being in that state where all things are expanding to darkness.

[55:14]

Okay. And we all have an experience of being in that place, but our experience is not it. Right. Right. Understood. Okay. My question is, is that experience of... So to speak, that living within what is going on, which I'm not experiencing now, but I have in the past. Say again? That... Let me open my little handy notebook here. I'm sure everyone recognizes it. So... That state where we're assisting each other on that state where? What you're talking about? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah of where we're assisting each other. Yes. Yeah You can say This stage this state sure sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.

[56:15]

Yeah and I understand that and My problem was for a long long time. I had this experience of of this and I thought meditation was designed to get back to that realization and living within this and I've become attached to that and that was created a lot of suffering for me because I could not get that experience back Is that some what what is meant by letting go of the experience once you have that, and then living in the world within that, like not trying to get that experience again. Even if you notice you're trying to get an experience, or even if you're trying to get a realization, which is not an experience, either way, if you notice there's some kind of pattern or story of trying to get something, if you take care of that graciously,

[57:25]

That will allow this story to sort of open up and not be a problem anymore. And then you can live within that. Then you can enjoy what you already are. But most of us do have these stories arising, some of which are about how to get realization, if it's a Zen center. People are into that kind of story. So we have to be generous with that particular family story. of getting realization and getting experiences or getting states, that kind of thing. And that's an experience, that kind of thinking. That's our karma of the moment. So taking care of that is conducive to our opening to realization itself. This actually opening and allowing ourselves to live in this world where we're helping everybody and everybody's helping us.

[58:29]

We're a gift to everyone and everyone's a gift to us to open to that and to receive that and then to, after receiving it, to let it come back out and then so on, to join that. But meantime, through this whole process we may continue to tell stories so we have to continue to be attentive to our karma, our stories of body, speech, and mind. So if we don't pay attention to those things, they tend to start bewitching us into thinking that that's what's going on, even if they're stories about how we're helping each other. Is that what you were saying? Yes. And then we agree. Okay. So it's not a problem. Huh? So it's not a problem. That's another story. Okay. It is. Which I hope we can be gracious with the story of it's not a problem. Thank you.

[59:30]

You're welcome. There he goes off to the kitchen. Yes, please. I've been trying to understand if there's really a difference between sitting wholeheartedly upright in the midst of self-receiving and self-fulfilling samadhi and practicing tranquility. And I think it has something to do with, I mean, it seems, the question seems kind of linked to something you said, something that was talked about yesterday was, oh, that it was suggested that this sort of practice, this sort of Zazen should not be undertaken unless there's a true teacher.

[60:37]

And then, and then, It's also linked to today. When we say this is the true, they've made it the true path, because Buddhas and ancestors have made this practice the true practice. And I think, what's this true thing? Especially when we talk about all things, including non-sentient beings, expounding the Buddha Dharma. I'm like, what's this true business? Do you think that that true excludes them? Is that your feeling? You don't think that they... You mean by saying that that's the true path, do I think that it... Do you think saying that that's the true path would exclude the mountains and the rivers and so on, that they couldn't sit upright in the midst of this samadhi? Well, yeah, I know it's more that how can there be a true, if that's the case.

[61:42]

And maybe that's kind of like saying that it excludes them. So sitting, the mountains are sitting upright in the midst of the samadhi. And so when we sit in this particular, in a few particular postures, and we offer it and We're kind of paying homage to the mountains and to everything that runs between the mountains and everything else. What is that qualifier true referring to in this case? And is there a difference between this and practicing tranquility? The practice of tranquility is a being which is performing the great work of the Buddha.

[62:48]

And the practice of tranquility is supported by other beings that are performing the great work of Buddha. practice of tranquility is expounding the profound Dharma. And a person who is not practicing tranquility is also performing the great work of Buddha, which is supporting and teaching the practice of tranquility. That's the samadhi. And so this samadhi is supposed to be... so true means all-inclusive. means true to all beings in the universe working together, true to the Buddha's work of all beings working together in peace and harmony. That's true to that, like, you know. It's a reality. It's a reality? Yeah, true or lined up with or in accord with, that kind of true. True with the universe.

[64:01]

And that's why I would say true at this time. Upright with that. The character also means upright. The character for true? You could say it's the upright. It means upright, true, and correct, authentic. And some of the translations say the authentic path. Would you still send you what character you're talking about? Who do you...? I can tell them, yeah. The character is Sho, like in Shobo Genzo. And so when we're sitting upright, cross-legged or whatever, then this is a ceremony, kind of an offering towards the uprightness of all beings. Yeah. We assume the upright posture as a ceremonial offering to the actual uprightness of all things.

[65:12]

which is not limited by our form. Banana slugs are also upright in their way. They seem to be different, but that's our story, right? So we offer our little form, which we use, to devote ourselves to the sitting of the Buddha. But we know that this doesn't really reach the sitting of the Buddha. I want to say we know, we're reminded that our form of sitting doesn't reach the heart of the form of actual Buddha's uprightness. But we offer it to that with the awareness that it doesn't reach that, that it's a story of it. And that way we're open to the actuality of uprightness. And the actuality of uprightness, really what's upright is how we're helping each other. That's what uprightness is about. And knowing that it's not reaching the uprightness of the Buddha is kind of a... It can be called maybe sort of a humility or kind of a letting go of... It's like letting that dharma fill you until you realize there's something missing in the form that you're using.

[66:32]

So you use the form. When you first start using the form, you might feel like, hey, this is really uprightness. But as you accept more and more dharma into it, you realize, well, this is... This is not really reaching the heart of uprightness. It's also not reaching the heart of not uprightness. It's not reaching the heart of anything. It's just my own little form that I'm using with the remembrance of its limitation. And that willingness to be small and limited opens me to all that supports this small thing. In other words, it opens me to the samadhi, which we're already living in. Does the limit in this, the understanding that we're limited, is that in our uprightness, that probably doesn't have much to do with, like, oh, this shoulder's kind of... No, it does. It has to do with that. Really? Yeah. Or this discursive thought is, like, bouncing around in my head? Yeah, it does.

[67:35]

Yeah. Partly because if you're willing to accept this limitedness, you're not bothered by little kind of tacky stuff like that. It's not a problem. Because you weren't trying to get this perfect, true uprightness so you don't get rid of any of that junk. That doesn't go well with this true practice. But I want to have a true practice, but this is my carved dragon of a true practice. But the carved dragon in true practice can have little funny qualities like being kind of small or having a bent shoulder or something. Dragons can take various shapes. It's carved once in it. That's not a problem. But if it was the true dragon, then I'd think, well, geez, I probably should, I don't know what, maybe have just special kind of scales or something. If I thought it was the true dragon? Yeah, if you thought it was the true dragon, then you'd probably like to not have any, shouldn't be concerned about what your shoulder is or something like that. But card dragons, you might put a lot of effort into exactly where your shoulders are and exactly what kind of pain or comfort they have.

[68:40]

So you can really be gracious with whatever limited form you have and realize that this is a limited form. You're meaning having care and noticing it, but not saying, no, it needs to be like the real thing or something. Yeah, not care and notice to make it perfect. You're not caring, you're not noticing it and caring for it to make it some other way. You're taking care of it. You're loving it. You're loving it. And in that mode, the true dragon comes and takes you over and moves you along the path. The true path. Yeah, the true path of the true dragon. You're welcome. Thank you for your questions. You say that our practice doesn't reach the Buddha's

[70:04]

And sometimes I think that it sounds like that's perfection. I would say the form of our practice doesn't reach the heart of the form of the Buddhas. The form of our practice of sitting doesn't reach the heart of Buddhas sitting. The ceremony, you know, is a way for us to connect and realize righteousness but it doesn't reach righteousness it just connects us to it and opens us to it that's what i mean what we think it is what we think it is right doesn't matter what we think it is no matter what we think it is of course if we think some terrible thing we there we know it doesn't reach it but if we think some beautiful thought about it we might think that's it but it doesn't reach it even though it's a wholesome thing however having wholesome thoughts about it And then taking care of the wholesome thoughts, wholesomely, we open to being taken over by the actual seated Buddha.

[71:18]

And that reaching, once again, has that sense of, or the not reaching has a sense of goal? No, no, no. The not reaching is kind of a reminder to yourself. you remind yourself that this practice does not reach the heart. You don't have to be trying to get, you don't have to be trying to reach the heart. You just remind yourself that it doesn't. Because again that would first of all, would separate you. There's no separation here. But also there's no identity between our ceremonies and the Buddha's work. Because everything, even all the beings who are not doing these ceremonies, are also totally engaged in Buddha's work. So we use these Zen ceremonies as a way to pay homage and make offerings and develop our intimacy with them. And by being intimate with them, we're intimate with what they are with, intimate with.

[72:21]

So intimacy with our forms, we become intimate with Buddha. But we also realize that our forms don't reach that which includes all other forms. So we have to kind of remind ourselves of the limitedness. And that also, of course, remind ourselves in a gracious way. And that makes us gracious about our forms, and that makes us tolerant of people who aren't doing the forms. So we love our forms, we take care of our forms, but we love people who aren't doing the forms too. As we get into the practice, we start to love banana slugs more and more. And so my practice isn't very developed because I'm not real sweet with banana slugs. Like, did you see the way I looked at that banana slug on the tiles this morning? It wasn't that benevolent, was it? No. It's kind of like a banana slug, where are you going? Are you going to go over there and get your stuff all over that? More than a bit separate.

[73:23]

You know, I was in trouble with banana slugs. And I've been in more trouble with gophers. They make so much work for me. The reason I ask is because it seems to me that existence, whatever we think it is, existence unfolds in non-doing, in not doing. And therefore it doesn't reach because it is not doing. Okay. And that, no matter what we do, what we think, what we... is... doing in our own thing, but it is within that doing. And that was a carved dragon that you just gave me. Thank you. Yeah, a lot of carved dragons. Yeah.

[74:23]

You're a good sculptor. Spin him out. Yeah, right. Especially with wood. Can you sculpt jade also? Give it a shot. OK. Fancy schmancy. In sentient being. if you want. So you've been talking a lot about the true dragon or reality, and I've heard you describe it a few ways.

[75:25]

And today you seem to go more towards something that I feel like I understand a little more, even though I know I can't understand. I understand the shoe dragon, but I kind of have stories that work for me a little more about interconnectedness and how it's beyond our understanding. But I've also heard, I think more yesterday and on Sunday, you talk about how reality is truth or compassion or wholeheartedness. So when your grandson tells you a lie, you see... I don't know if he said you see, but the reality is that there is truth there or something. I see that he's not lying. You see that he's not lying. I know that a lot of people would think he was lying, and he is trying to deceive me, but I don't see him lying.

[76:26]

Okay. But I noticed that it looks like he's lying. And he wants to convince me that Burger King is a health food store. Right. Or when Andrew was talking about... I guess we always are wholehearted. The reality is wholeheartedness. I'm wondering why there are these seemingly positive descriptions of reality, because the stories around it being just totally beyond what we could perceive makes more sense to me than that they have all of these positive qualities of compassion or truth or wholeheartedness because it seems that it's beyond truth or lies or wholeheartedness or half-heartedness. It's just like totally beyond. And so then hearing that the reality is actually compassion and we're practicing to realize the compassion kind of confuses me.

[77:36]

It's a compassion which is beyond the discrimination between good and bad. It's that kind of compassion. There can also be a kind of compassion in the realm of good and bad where they're discriminated. There can be compassion in the realm where even the person feels compassion but still has likes and dislikes and is sort of attached to them and treats likes differently than they treat dislikes even though they have some compassion for suffering beings. Maybe they don't have compassion for dislike. So some people feel compassion for themselves and others, but sometimes they don't feel compassion for themselves when they're being judgmental and cruel to other people. Then they stop. Their compassion is hindered. So there's also a realm of truth where compassion is unhindered. where it can love George Bush and it can love ourselves when we're being cruel. Not like ourselves, not dislike ourselves, but be intimate with ourselves.

[78:41]

So compassion as complete intimacy is beyond positive and negative judgments, but responds compassionately to both of those. So there's a non-discriminating compassion and there's also compassion where we still are involved in discrimination. So if we're still involved in discrimination, we can practice compassion. We can practice giving and ethical training and patience and so on. We can do that. But we're still, it's compassion is somewhat hindered by being caught by the discrimination between good and bad or enlightenment and delusion. But in reality, you know, there's no discrimination, or rather, we don't tighten up around the discriminations. There's relaxation with the discrimination, and they're just part of the Buddha's work. So when I hear compassion or wholeheartedness or truth and even to, you know, compassion even to something that a discriminating mind would see as bad, when I hear you say those words, I hear them as kind of more positive words.

[80:03]

Is that just my storytelling? They're kind of positive? I mean, because... Yeah, somebody... I almost thought you were going to say you see them as negative or that you have a problem with them and you're irritated by them. You could have said that. I mean, you could. I thought you could say that. I find them kind of irritating. Some people do. They don't like that kind of talk. And so they like Zen masters who are kind of rough and beat people up and stuff because they think, no, that's real compassion. Because it's not caught by some limited idea of what compassion is. One time I was in Japan and I was with Paul Disko, who studied carpentry there for a while, and one of his friends was the head monk at a very rigorous training center. He was the head monk and he came over to visit and he was talking to us and smoking cigarettes and he seemed really gruff and depressed. That's what he seemed to me, gruff and depressed and kind of like negative and irritated.

[81:08]

But his presence made me, you know, and knowing that he was the head monk at Myoshinji, this training temple, I thought, it really made me wonder, what is compassion? You know, it really made me think that, you know, I have an idea of what compassion would be like And this guy is not, according to my idea, but I didn't say he's not compassionate. It just more made me wonder, what is it? What is it? And similarly, one time I visited this noted Zen teacher, Mumon Yamada Roshi, in his later years. And he was like, maybe the senior Zen teacher in the Rinzai school for a while. And then he became very old and I went to visit him and they got him dressed up for my meeting with him and he had his fancy robes on and everything and he was like, you know, drooling.

[82:16]

And they were saying, you remember this man from Zen Center? You met him at Zen Center and he's come to visit you, Roshi? And he was drooling. And it really made me wonder, what is compassion? What is wisdom? Is it gone now because he's in this state? So we may make positive statements about what compassion is, but everything is involved in Buddha's work. And everything is involved in the wholehearted enterprise of Buddha's work. We're talking about that. We're trying to find that Dharma realm. as a great resource to support our practice in this world of discrimination so that we don't tighten up so much around good and bad and think that, you know, good's better than bad, but rather that realize if there's a being called good and there's a being called bad, they're both doing Buddha's work.

[83:22]

And this really is, this does appear to be cruel, but we can be compassionate towards cruel things. And then we say, and somebody may think, well, we're being positive about that kind of compassion. OK, fine. But what does it look like? I don't know. That's part of being generous with the situation. and being generous opens us to see the working of the Buddha's work. So if you see, if you have a positive take on compassion, fine, but be generous towards that so you don't tighten up around the positive. Some people hear positive and they tighten up and then they hate positive because they feel bad when they hear about positive characterizations. Other people relax with negative and feel really good And then compassion flows towards the not-good. And then it can flow towards the good.

[84:25]

For some people it's easier for them to flow towards the not-good than to the good, and vice versa. They can be very compassionate here, but over there they can't because they aren't practicing graciousness towards the being. So then they don't practice compassion, they don't practice giving, so they don't realize that they're actually in this compassionate giving relationship. They are, but they don't realize it because they tighten up. But they are. so that the impressions you have of stories you hear those all should be cared for so that your impressions don't interfere with you practicing compassion towards all these stories even stories about what compassion is supposed to be some of which you think are kind of useful others which you think are kind of misleading take care of both of them and then you enter the realm beyond being caught by the discrimination between them

[85:29]

Can I ask another little follow-up to that? A little follow-up, sure. A little one. Yeah, go ahead. Can you say the little follow-up? So in the chant we do before the class or lecture, it says, once we hear the true Dharma, we shall renounce worldly affairs. Yes. And I'm kind of interested in the true Dharma as it relates to what I understand worldly affairs is, I guess. So what do you understand worldly affairs? like the not ultimate, the relative world. Oh, maybe that's not worldly affairs. Okay. No. So, do you want to take another guess at what worldly affairs are? Well, I mean, I don't think it sounds like, you know, little petty things, but if they were little petty things like, you know... a not-so-helpful judgment about somebody or something?

[86:40]

Okay, so we have a not-so-helpful judgment about somebody. Here it is, okay? Now, what's the worldly... Here's the not-so-helpful judgment. What's the worldly affair here? Think that's the worldly affair? The not-so-helpful judgment? I thought of it. Huh? I thought of the not-so-helpful. Well, you're thinking. There's a thought. Sure. Like, you know, there's a thought, this person's not a good Buddhist or something. That thought. That might not be helpful, right? This person should be kicked out of Buddhism. That might not be helpful, right? Yeah. Okay, that's a being. That's a thing. Okay. That's appearing. Now, what's a worldly affair in relationship to this event? Are you calling that a worldly affair? I wouldn't call it a worldly affair. I would call it just a being. A worldly affair would be not being compassionate with that. That would be a worldly affair. Can you say a little more about... The worldly affairs mean the things that make the world, you know, a stiff, formed place that traps us.

[87:55]

That's a worldly affair. A worldly affair is what blocks, are the affairs, the activity that enclose and block and, you know, limit our life. Those are worldly affairs. So if someone, like a child, comes over and thinks somebody's worthless, that being, that child, or the thought that that child has of somebody being worthless and not worthy of respect or something, it doesn't seem that skillful. This is a being who's doing Buddha's work, who's teaching the Dharma. A worldly affair would be to overlook that and not be generous towards this person. When you see the true Dharma, actually it's easy to renounce not being generous towards people who are enacting cruelty and selfishness and pettiness because you see the true Dharma at that very moment.

[88:59]

So then you can be compassionate to them. if you don't see the true dharma, you can still renounce worldly affairs, but it's more work. Because somebody comes up to you and spits in your face and you go, one, two, three, four, five, six, this is the true dharma coming now, and the spittle running down my face is true, it's teaching me the dharma, okay. Thank you very much, can I help you? You know, it's possible to come back with kindness even when you have to remind yourself that it's a true dharma. But if you actually see it, then it's easy to renounce being stingy and ungenerous and ungracious to what comes to you. When you see the true dharma, you realize what's coming is true dharma. And then it's easy to renounce being ungenerous ingenerous, impatient, non-virtuous.

[90:02]

Easy to renounce those things and be compassionate, mindful, appreciative, patient. Because sometimes people hurt us. So then we practice patience, and it's easier to practice patience when they hurt you. And you remember, this is a Dharma teaching coming to me now through this Buddha's work. When I see that, I renounce distractions from the path of compassion. So worldly affairs would be distractions from the path of compassion? Yeah, right. Or worldly affairs, it means not being devoted to being wholehearted. Being caught in the dream of half-heartedness is being caught in a worldly affair. But if you're taking care of, you know, the price of an avocado, That's what the mind's doing. To be generous towards that, you're not distracted. You're renouncing worldly affairs by the way you take care of your mind or somebody else's mind who's trying to figure out which avocado to pick up.

[91:07]

So some people think you wouldn't go shopping anymore. It's not necessarily so. Does that make more sense now? And before we hear the true Dharma, we try to practice giving up worldly affairs as best we can. And that gets us ready to hear the true Dharma, and then it's easier. the whole coming up here to talk to you I appreciate but the waiting and like figuring out how and when to come and to not cut someone off or like not give someone else the opportunity is confusing a little to me it makes me a little nervous so thank you for supporting me to come up here um

[92:24]

And I wanted to say that standing back there waiting to come up was nice to see the zendo from a different perspective. And yesterday we talked about wholeheartedness and vulnerability and it was one of those conversations that made me think about the definition of words. Sometimes we have conversations about these abstractions and I'm not sure if my definition is the same as yours. I mean, probably it's not. So I guess my question has to do with vulnerability and how I think we talked about wholeheartedness kind of allowing vulnerability to arise.

[93:32]

No, not allowing it to arise, allowing it. It's already arisen. Every moment vulnerability comes with every event. All events are vulnerable. I guess I would like to hear what your definition of vulnerability is. Because right now, I mean, coming up to talk in front of the assembly, I always feel somewhat nervous. And that is closely associated with vulnerability in my world. Yeah, I agree. But I'm not really afraid of any one person here or, you know, there's... I don't know what vulnerability is exactly and what... Would you like me to tell you my definition? I wanted to finish my question first. So there's the definition, but also how vulnerability in relation to wholeheartedness, vulnerable to what?

[94:32]

That's the end of the question. The definition that I'm using is vulnerability is... the ability to be hurt. And impermanent things in a sense can be hurt in the sense that they're fragile and they're unstable. So we are vulnerable to change and change often hurts. So in that sense we are vulnerable to change, we're vulnerable to instability because we are changeable beings. And as we open to vulnerability, we become more wholehearted. As we become more wholehearted, we become more vulnerable. To hurt. To being hurt. We become more open to being hurt as we become more wholehearted.

[95:39]

It's like if you're dancing, And somebody says, well, you'd like to learn a new step. You know, if you're wholehearted, you might say, okay. But you also know that now you're going to change. And it might hurt. And the way you change may not be to change into the way of doing this dance, but to go beyond the dance you already know into doing a new dance improperly. So you're going to lose your old dance and not get the new dance. I mean, get a new dance, but not the dance. So you're going to be open to change, but not the change you want necessarily. And if you're wholehearted, you say, okay, I'll try the new dance. And you might feel like, wow, you know, it's going to hurt, but I want to grow. I want to live. And so wholehearted learning, you would open up to being awkward, you would open up to being awkward.

[96:41]

Because every moment you're like a fresh, new, awkward person. Like, you know, what do I do with this person now? Rather than, this is the same one I had before. I know what to do. I got this down. It's Sarah again. Yeah, oh yeah, I know where she is. That's fine. That's not really so wholehearted as like, who is this? Wow, what has just shown up? I think she has something to do with past Sarahs, but wow, you know. Sarah Jane. Sarah Janes, yeah. I just changed to Sarah, but got it back to Sarah Jane. That's good. I'll go along with that. So anyway, back to, you know... And I was also talking about someone who says, when I'm in this posture... it makes me feel vulnerable. And I said, it isn't that it makes you feel vulnerable, it's that in this posture you allow yourself to feel the vulnerability. And sitting upright, you actually feel more vulnerable than curled up in a ball. Curled up in a ball, you're kind of like hiding from the vulnerability, hoping that you won't feel it.

[97:44]

Sitting, opening up, actually healthy postures are I was going to say scary, but they're more vulnerable. They allow you to feel your impermanence more. But again, there's a possibility to go from feeling impermanence, feeling fragility, feeling vulnerability, and feeling wholehearted. So I'm saying feeling wholehearted involves, it's not just vulnerability and fragility, but that's part of the going through the gate is to, okay, I'll pay the price of feeling vulnerable and feeling fragile. And then And then you're in the swing of wholeheartedness. And then the vulnerability and the fragility have sort of harmonized with the whole thing. Like an airplane taking off, you know, it shakes.

[98:49]

But you have to go through that. I think about the word fearless. Fearless is something that's more often associated with ideas of wholeheartedness than vulnerability, but they're not unconnected, right? I mean, they're necessarily connected. What? They're two sides of the same coin. They're two sides of the same coin. If you close to vulnerability, you can't be fearless. If you open to vulnerability, you don't have to be afraid. but fear will, for most of us, often come up on many, many occasions of new openings to new versions of vulnerability will often bring up some anxiety. So if we're gracious with the vulnerability, actually, if we're gracious with our body and gracious with what comes, we open to vulnerability and that graciousness. Then we open to, and we're gracious with the vulnerability, and then we open to the anxiety. open to the anxiety, now we're really opening to wholeheartedness.

[99:54]

But if we're not willing to feel anxiety and vulnerability, we're still pulling back a little bit from wholeheartedness. As we open into wholeheartedness with our body and mind, we open to vulnerability, fragility, and anxiety and pain. But again, practicing graciousness at each stage or at each phase or at each aspect, it allows more and more opening to wholeheartedness and then that opening to how everybody's doing Buddha's work. But if I close, if I shrink back from vulnerability and anxiety and fragility, then I shrink back from wholeheartedness and I shrink back from how everybody's supporting me and supporting each other and doing Buddha's work. So it's not easy to open to slugs.

[100:57]

It's kind of scary to be vulnerable to slugs and to be a slime-covered person. Does that make sense? It does. Yeah. So can you be compassionate to yourself for being uncompassionate with slugs? I can be. How? If the compassion isn't there? Well, partly by telling you people about it and getting it off my chest and saying, yeah, I'm I've got my limits. If you don't have compassion for anything, can you be compassionate to that? Yeah. How? Same way. Confess it. Say, I, Rachel, am not compassionate to anything. Ready? Yeah. I'm not compassionate to anything.

[102:01]

Okay. I believe it. I believe it. I believe that you're wrong. There you go, just like that. This is how you discover compassion, by admitting, disclosing a lack of compassion before the Sangha, before the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, which you just did. That is compassion. That is a practice of compassion. That is honesty. So if you're compassionate, you won't necessarily notice it? That's right. You won't necessarily notice it. So it might be really uncomfortable and still be compassionate? Compassionate people are often quite uncomfortable, particularly with other people's suffering.

[103:03]

It really hurts them. Well, or their own? Or their own, yeah. Compassion is a way of relating to suffering beings. That's what it's about. We don't really speak so much in this tradition of compassion towards Buddhas. I'm not telling you not to say that, but I don't know of one example in all the Mahayana or Theravada scriptures where people talk about being compassionate towards Buddhas. maybe sympathetic with how hard their job is, but they're not suffering that way. They don't need compassion. They need devotion, and they need us to listen to them, and they need us to do the practice they're showing us. They need that to function fully, and that's what they want. But compassion is about pain and suffering. So I should just give up the idea of ever knowing that when I'm being compassionate? That would be good, yeah. And as soon as you give it up, you might suddenly know that you're compassionate because giving it up is compassionate.

[104:08]

Sorry I mentioned that. That's okay. Yeah, I just, it's good to know because I think I... Give it up. Give it up or make it a gift. Make the desire to know if you're compassionate, make it a gift. For example, to me and everybody here, give us that gift. Thank you. We'll take care of it for you. All right. I guess the other thing I wanted to say was that I guess I have this story that compassion is a feeling and that you feel compassion and that you, since a feeling can be met with recognition, I would recognize it. Yeah, I think it can be a feeling. Like you can feel sympathy for someone and you can care that you can really be concerned that they're suffering and you can want them to not suffer. And you would know that you had that feeling? No, you wouldn't necessarily know it. But you could have that feeling and want to work for their welfare and that all would be compassion. But you could also be...

[105:12]

being generous with someone and feel tremendous joy at being generous with them. And that's compassion too. Compassion isn't just feeling someone suffering and wanting to help them. It's also helping them. And so when you're helping people sometimes you do not feel so much pain, you're feeling actually joy at being generous with someone with whom you feel pain. and the joy is somehow greater than the pain you feel. Like I often mention, the etymology of the word karuna, which is the word for compassion, is dented happiness. Compassion is basically happiness. but it's dented, has several dents in it, and each dent is a suffering person. So it's infinitely dented happiness. Compassion is happiness. It's joy. And it's particularly enhanced by practicing giving.

[106:17]

Giving makes the joy of compassion grow. But there's still all these dents of the suffering of all our friends. So it's not without these little irritations, but it's full of the joy of giving and so on. But it is possible to sometimes not realize compassion, not just not know that you have it, but just not have it at all. It's not possible to not have compassion, no. but it is definitely possible not to realize it. And not realizing compassion, for example, an intense manifestation of not realizing compassion is extreme misery. So we can be extremely miserable when we don't feel compassion for much. then we can feel really, really bad. We don't feel compassion towards ourselves or people around us. We can be that way.

[107:19]

We can be that miserable. But we're missing out on reality. We actually are participating in Buddha's work. We just totally are fighting it. And when you don't realize it, that's when you confess. Is that right? Is that what you were saying? Yeah, when you don't realize it, you confess it. And also, yeah. And sometimes the way you don't realize it is that mostly you're into it, but this one particular example, you were not very nice to somebody. And then you're mostly into it, but there's another one, and there's another one. So there's a lot of little examples. Even for a person who's really like totally happy into being compassionate with everybody, they also have many moments of slightly not going all the way in that kindness. which they can notice. So it is important to notice the shortcomings, but you don't have to notice that you're compassionate. It's not necessary. It's necessary to practice it and notice when you come up short. Coming up short and confessing it, disclosing it, that's how to protect beings.

[108:22]

So it's good that you notice the shortcomings in your compassion and noticing them and disclosing them is a practice of compassion. And it does protect beings for us to notice the limitations of our compassion. So that's one of your virtues is that you notice the limitation of your compassion and you confess it. That protects all beings that you do that. And if someday you come and the shortcomings are less, that's okay too. They don't have to be huge ones like, you know, no compassion for anybody kind of shortcomings. Thank you. You're welcome. It's past twelve o'clock. Amazing.

[109:24]

I just want to briefly mention the obvious, and that is we have a lot of really wholehearted questioners in this group, and it's really wonderful. that we have these people who are making these offerings and that you're all supporting them to express themselves. It's amazing to me. And I just wanted to mention one other thing. I'm sorry, but I've been hesitating to say it, but now that we're just two days towards the end of this intensive, I just wanted to say thank you for the good health we've had and the quiet zendo we've had. It's just, I just feel so blessed that we could all have such good health so we could sit together so much and so thoroughly. And I'm confessing that I was kind of superstitious. I didn't want to mention it because I thought then the next day everybody's going to get sick.

[110:29]

But maybe now we can have a couple days of sickness. It's okay.

[110:33]

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