So I'd like to say that when all beings fully embrace and sustain the Dharma, there will be peace throughout the lands. when all beings fully embrace the Dharma of dependent co-arising, both the principle and the actuality of the process, there will be peace throughout the lands. Until then, there will be the recurrent appearance of violence in the land to remind beings of their unfinished work, of embracing and sustaining the Dharma, of embracing and sustaining the teaching of dependent co-arising.

[01:25]

There is an intention to continue to study, embrace and sustain this teaching for the sake of peace and freedom among all beings. There is a vow to continue that. There is a desire that that practice will continue. But since there are so many beings, it will perhaps be very difficult to get all of them to fully embrace and sustain this teaching. Because I think most of us know that when we give it a try, it's not easy to be completely wholehearted in embracing and sustaining

[02:41]

dependent core rising. Especially since in the midst of the dependent core rising of our consciousness, there is tremendous energy. Someone asked me what's the root of the word violence, the English word violence. The root is a root which means vital force. vital life, but also force, force to shape, like the vital force of Michelangelo working on marble, the vital force of volcanoes, the vital force of glaciers, the vital force of continental interaction.

[03:48]

But in particular, the subject of dependent core arising in Buddhadharma, the focus of it, is active consciousness or the acts of consciousness, which are the definition of karma. And Some of you have already told me that you have sometimes looked inward and observed the activity of your consciousness and seen violence there. And when you saw the violence in the acts of your consciousness, when you saw violent, active, karmic consciousness, you closed down You closed down on acting because you were afraid that the violence you saw in your mind would hurt others or yourself.

[04:52]

And you stopped looking at that terrifying scene of violence, fear, and breaking bodhisattva precepts that might follow. It's understandable that one would turn away from the scene and attempt to close down so that the scene wouldn't ramify into posture and speech and disturb the peace. I also looked up the Chinese word for violence, and I found several, but one of them I thought was really interesting was Rambo, which accounts for, I think, the popularity of that movie in Japan. Rambo, same name.

[05:57]

Rambo means violence. And the first character, Ran, means disorder and disturbance. And in Greek mythology there was an occasion where, or at least in one of the plays, Greek plays, there was an occasion where the society had become very dead. And in walks Dionysus, Bacchus, And he interacts with the representative of the state control, which is deadening the community. And in their interaction, is it the meneads? Is that how you say it? His female attendants? You know, they tear the personification of state control into parts, and vitality starts flowing again. There is force in the consciousness shaping it.

[07:07]

And again, when we see that, there is actually beauty there. But as Rilke says, it's a terror. It's the beginning of a terror. The beauty is the beginning of a terror. It's not the later terror. It's the beginning of a terror. We can just barely stand. and then another one. Another presentation of the dependent core arising of karmic consciousness. We need to develop the quality of consciousness which observes the activity of consciousness. We need to find a way to look at what's going on in the dependent core arising of the mind, in the dependent core arising of the activity of the mind, the dependent core arising of consciousness and the dependent core arising of the acts of consciousness, we need to develop a quality observation, high quality observation of that, a quality of uprightness,

[08:33]

I say that's necessary in order to fully embrace and sustain the reality of the Dharma of dependent core arising and realize peace. And once again, I feel that in my life, until I fully engage, if until I intimately engage that vital force in the activity of my mind, there will be violence in my life reminding me to do so. And I vow, when I see violence, to return to the molten center and face it so that I have the courage to be peaceful. or rather to return to it and to face it peacefully, which means upright, which means not leaning into the violence or away from the violence.

[09:54]

I've said this over and over and I think I probably will say it over and over about the forms of our practice. You could say, excuse me, the violent forms of our practice. In the sense that the forms are kind of violence. In the sense of a vital force applied to the unimagined. the world, the unimagined world, when it gets imagined, the imagination of the world is bringing a vital force to the world to make images, to make forms. That's violence. So some people graciously come to me and tell me that they, well, I don't know what the word is. Some people say hate.

[11:05]

But anyway, Interpreting what they're saying, I sometimes say, are you telling me that you have some resistance to these forms? These Zen forms? These Japanese forms? Maybe in Japan they don't have resistance to Japanese forms, maybe they have resistance to Chinese forms. Or Indian forms. I have resistance to these Zen forms, which are Chinese, Japanese, Indian. un-American, communist, whatever. So there's resistance, and I always say, almost always say, this is normal to have resistance to a form. People also have resistance to colors, to smells, But actually, part of the forms here are actually smells.

[12:09]

Some people have resistance to the smells here. Some have resistance to the look of the place, to the architecture, to the clothes, to the haircuts, to the look of the walk, to the look of the talk. They resist the sound of the chanting. They resist the words that are spoken. Almost everybody resists, but then there's two kinds of resistance to these forms. One is leaning back. One is leaning forward, basically. You can also lean to the side. The recommendation is don't lean forward, don't lean back, and don't lean to the side. Be upright with the form. But it's hard to be upright with forms. It requires lots of training, and when you finally are upright, Then everything changes and you get a new form to deal with. Some people care too much about these forms.

[13:16]

That's a form of resistance to care too much. Some people care too little. I say that's resistance. Some people care too little about Zen forms and they care too much about their dog. Some other people care not enough about their dog and care too much about Zen forms. I'm suggesting that in order to have there be peace in the world, we have to not care too much about these forms or too little. We have to learn not to lean away from them or into them. We have to learn not to get caught by liking or disliking them. And so they're nice opportunities, aren't they, to find the balance.

[14:18]

And if we can balance with these forms that I say that will help us balance with the violence in our own mind, and balance with the violence in the world. It does not help to care too much about the violence, you see, and it does not help peace to care too little, meaning into it or away from it. We constantly have something to work with that requires attention in order for there to be peace, the dependent core arising of our own active consciousness. If we can be upright with it, we can open to and embrace the beauty of the world with its violence. And there's also a movie, a Japanese movie called Ran, which is that same character but without the bow.

[15:30]

And Ron, again, the first character means disorder or riot or rebellion. And it's such a beautiful movie. And it has people in it who are so beautifully acting. The actors are acting so beautifully. The person of uprightness. but not everybody in the movie fully embraces it and the peace is not achieved. I ask people now and then, Are you studying the self?

[16:34]

Are you learning about the self? Tomorrow we'll celebrate the birthday of the wonderful ancestor, Heihei Dogen Daisho, who taught that the study of the Buddha way is to study the self. To study the self is to study karmic consciousness. Studying karmic consciousness is studying the pinnacle arising of karmic consciousness. People say, someone said just recently, how can I attend to the self? I said, that question is a good way to attend to the self. Just sit and walk and ask, how can I attend to the self?

[17:39]

How can I attend to the acts of consciousness which are going on moment by moment? That question, without leaning into it or trying to get anything, just the question itself sounds like an upright attention to karmic consciousness. How can I attend to karmic consciousness? I would like to attend to the activity of this mind and embrace and sustain its vital force. be intimate and upright with the vital force of this consciousness. I am alive. We are alive. There is vital force there. It's available. It's calling for attention. It wants to be peaceful, but it can't be peaceful unless it's attended to. If it's ignored, somehow things don't work well.

[18:45]

If the self isn't studied, things don't go well. I tell that story. If the dependent core arising of active consciousness is attended to uprightly, patiently, graciously, with relaxation, we will play with it We will interact with it. We will become intimate with it. And there will be peace. Peace will be realized in that practice. Again, it may be said that the process of dependent core arising is first and foremost beautiful.

[20:41]

That the beauty of each being and each thing is the way it's coming to be. But we have to really train ourselves to be able to be with that beauty without leaning into or away from it. If we lean away from it and make it over there, we can become violent, we can become jealous, we can become envious, and we can hate, and become intimate with it, the jealousy of the beauty, the envy of the beauty,

[21:53]

and the wish to destroy what is most precious, which we've separated from, will lose their power. In case 37 of the Book of Serenity, which I think is called Active Consciousness, in that translation, active consciousness, but another way to translate it is karmic consciousness. And as I told you before, in that case, in that story, two noted teachers of the Dharma are talking. One is the teacher of the other, Guishan. The teacher of Yangshan says to Yangshan, all living beings just have active consciousness, boundless and unclear, with no fundamental to rely on.

[23:13]

How would you test that in experience? And Yangshan says, if someone comes, I say, hey you, If they turn their head, I say, what is it? If they hesitate when I say, what is it? I say, not only is karmic consciousness boundless and unclear, but there's no fundamental to rely on. And the teacher, Guishan, says, good, good test. Hey, you.

[24:18]

The head turns. That's the right answer. That's karmic consciousness. But there's embracing and sustaining it. There's intimacy with it. Then the teacher says, what is it? Or what is the self? Or what is karmic consciousness? If you're there again, like you were when you turned your head, you can respond. I don't know what it will be, but it will come from you being intimate with your karmic consciousness the way you were when someone said, hey you, and you turned your head.

[25:23]

with no hesitation and no excitement, without leaning away from, you know, like, hey you, I'm not going to answer that. Or hey you, I thought you'd never ask. I'm going to be the first, I'm going to get my head over there exactly on time. None of that, no, just no excitement and falling into pitfalls and no hesitation, just the head turns. We're there. We're where we should be sometimes. We're not afraid to have a head and let it turn when called. And then someone says, what is it? What's the self? What's Buddha? And then we lean away or we lean forward. We care too little. Don't, please give me a break. What is it? Give me a break.

[26:27]

Oh, a Zen question. Oh, how cute. Or a Japanese question. Yeah, sure. That's caring too little, usually. Or wanting so much to get the right answer for the dear Zen master that we hesitate. That's caring too much. For what? For our life. Our life deserves care, but it doesn't want too much and it doesn't want too little. Of course it doesn't want too little. It doesn't want too much either. It wants intimacy, because that's what it is. Dependent Core Rising wants to be met with Dependent Core Rising. Nothing more or less. We have to train to join the program. And we are training. So that's good.

[27:28]

But of course we sometimes get excited and sometimes hesitate. And then it's boundless and unclear with no fundamental to rely on. But when we turn our head, there's peace and there's beauty. And it's no big deal, but it's just exactly what we want. And there's no fear, and there's no violence. There's peace. Violence is met with the appropriate presence, and it loses its power to harm. So according to this, beauty is always before us.

[28:47]

We are always in the presence of beauty because we are always in the presence of how things are coming to be. Now we can learn. We can learn to be upright with it, to engage with it. And this is where Buddha practices together with Buddha. And Buddha is patient with hesitation and excitement. And we have these wonderful Zen forms to practice with. We have this wonderful body posture of sitting to learn to care not too much about or too little.

[29:59]

Moment after moment. Another little small point. Someone told me, the person didn't say this, this is my revision of what they said, but this person said to me, there are moments when I take care of the form, when the form is performed, performed wholeheartedly. without excitement or hesitation. And of course this is wonderful. But then afterwards there's some kind of stickiness holding on to that performance, wanting it again.

[31:11]

And then he told me how he dealt with that stickiness. And I thought, that seems all right, the way you deal with the stickiness after the moment of carrying just the right amount for the form, for the performance of the sitting posture, for example, and then some stickiness afterwards. So he told me how he took care of the stickiness, and I thought, well, that seems like you're performing the ceremony and you're cleaning up afterwards. We often do that. Sometimes we make really beautiful offerings and put them on the altar. And the altar looks good usually, But that's because usually it has offerings on it. Like the statue is an offering. See it? It's a beautiful statue. We keep it there all the time. We haven't quite got, I don't know what the word is, but we probably should take the statue away every moment and put it back again.

[32:21]

But we aren't doing that. But we do other small offerings. We put them up there. They're very beautiful. And then afterwards, we take them away. We clean up. Sometimes they're so lovely, there might be a little bit of a feeling of keeping them a little longer. Like, how long can we keep them there? An hour? The rest of the day? But, you know, after a while, even though they were beautiful, it gets kind of yucky if they stay there too long. Because they lose their life. So we clean it up. So again, after each performance, there should be a cleanup. Let go of it. Let go of the, I cared just the right amount. I was with him and I cared for him just the right amount. It was like, oh, I didn't care too much for him or too little.

[33:28]

It was like, It made this life worthwhile. And not only that, but I walked away. I'm telling you about it, but I actually walked away and left this wonderful meeting. For a moment, I forgot about it. Now I'm remembering it again, and I'm going to forget again. I can't even remember what I was talking about. I feel so good. And I'm going to let go of this now. We also clean up before ceremonies. If you do ceremonies often enough, the cleanup after the last one will be the cleanup for the next one before the next one. So if you clean up the last one, you don't have to clean up the stickiness before the next one if you do them close enough together. But if you haven't cleaned up for a while, you have to clean up again

[34:31]

before the next moment. Fully exert yourself and give it away. Attain the Buddha way and give it away. Attain the Buddha way is great, but it's a burden if you hold on to it. So attain it by wholeheartedness and give it away. attend intimately to the vital force of your karmic consciousness. Be upright with it. And, what is it? Let's go. Thank you.

[36:22]

This is a suitable seating place for you. I think it works. Loving somebody. Loving somebody? Loving somebody and not... Relax. How to relax. How do you relax? How do you not get caught in the leaning into and the pulling away from? Well, if you're relaxed, you're not worried about leaning into. What if you're not relaxed? How do you get relaxed? If you're not relaxed and you don't try to get relaxed, you've just relaxed into not being relaxed. But there's relaxation there. And relaxation works best, it does its job best if you're conscious of what's going on. That's what I have a little problem with. When I'm working with somebody I care about and... When you're playing with somebody you care about?

[37:53]

When I'm interacting or when I'm experiencing disappointment or displeasure or pleasure and excitement. Displeasure, yeah. So displeasure, that's one thing to deal with. Pleasure's another thing to deal with. Disappointment's another thing to deal with. These are things going on in the vital karmic consciousness this area. So when my vital karmic consciousness... ...is giving you these offerings... ...is giving me these offerings... Yeah, so just try... I find myself... ...try to be upright with them. Well, here's what I find. I find myself being triggered into emotional states that are so... Try to be upright in these emotional states which you have been triggered into. But I lose consciousness, it seems. I lose any kind of focus. But at some point you realize you've lost consciousness and then you're conscious again. You will be conscious again after these moments of unconsciousness or after these years of unconsciousness.

[39:02]

Violence will come and smack you and make you become conscious again. The world is working for you. The world does wish us to wake up. But sometimes we can be unconscious for quite a while before it smacks us back and says, would you please start paying attention again now? And you say, yes. Okay, I'll do it. I took a break, didn't I? Mm-hmm. You did. So you will come back, and when you come back, you realize, I haven't been conscious recently. But now I am. And I understand this is good. And I know I may become unconscious again. And when I'm unconscious, well, there's nothing I can do until the world snaps me back. And if I'm conscious now, I might plant a seed that the next opportunity I get...

[40:06]

I will try to be upright with it. But I remember one time I was swimming in this ocean here. Actually, when I first came to Zen Center, the first spring I lived at Zen Center, 1968, when I was living across from the Sokoji Temple, I went up to the ocean beach and I went swimming. And I got out there and I started to swim back, but I noticed I wasn't making any progress. And I also noticed on the seawall that it said, dangerous undertone, no swimming. You could read it, didn't you? I could read it quite, yeah. And I could see my friends and they couldn't hear me or see me. And I called for help and no one could hear me over the waves. And I swam and I swam and I just wasn't getting in. And I was getting weaker and weaker. And I... I looked west, and I thought, well, maybe she's going to take me.

[41:12]

I kind of feel like there's something more I need to do in this life, but this may be the end. And I could see that swimming wasn't going to help anymore. So I relaxed, and I kind of went unconscious. I don't know if there was a period. I don't know how long it was when I really wasn't conscious. I wasn't really conscious. I couldn't really be upright out there. I just sort of, I couldn't see a way to make any effort. So I kind of went blind for a while. And that, I would say during that time my active consciousness was maybe somewhat turned off. And then I think what happened was I got thrown, I got moved down the coast and got moved in on one of those little rivers that go back into the into the water and I suddenly felt myself hit the sand, you know, under the water. And I woke up and I thought, oh, if this happens again, I'm going to make an effort.

[42:23]

Now I think my effort would be appropriate. And it did happen again. And I felt myself hit the sand again under the water, so I pushed with my feet. Somehow I forgot about it. I didn't even think of swimming anymore. And every time I felt my body hit the sand, I would push and I would move forward. And finally I could crawl. And then I got out of the water. So we will get a chance to make an effort again. And then what effort will it be? I hope it will be relaxed. playful, caring of course. Of course we care, but not too much. And of course not too little. And if we're off and we notice it, good. Then we say, that was too much. I'm caring too much here. I'm expecting something. I'm expecting something that's leaning forward. Now I'm giving myself.

[43:26]

This is good. Now I'm giving myself to this relationship. I'm not expecting anything. This seems kind of right. And I'm not thinking about whether I can do this again either. I'm just now I care. I'm giving myself pretty much completely. I feel right about this. And I'm not thinking about the future because that would detract from my giving myself completely. I have no expectations. I'm upright. This is good. If I have any questions about being upright, I can ask my partner how she feels about it. I feel upright. What do you think, darling? That's pretty good, Alex. I think you are pretty upright. Yeah. You can stay on that beam for a while. It's fine with me. I feel you love me, but not too much. Or she may say, you're not upright at all. You're slouching. To test you to see how you handle that. You say, oh, thank you for that feedback.

[44:29]

I think, I don't agree with you, but I appreciate it anyway. Any more feedback from me? And so on. This is the way you want to go. And if you slip, what do you call it, like they said in the inauguration, they said, they said, stand right up, dust yourself off. How does it go? What do you do? Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. That's what this country is doing. We had a big fall. And we fall every day in all our relationships, many times. Just get back up, dust yourself off, and now just try to be upright again, and [...] face the beauty of our relationships. Thank you very much. You're welcome. I also wanted to say goodbye and thank you.

[45:29]

Where are you going? I'm leaving home. You're leaving Green Gulch and going to move to San Francisco? It looks like that, yeah. Okay, well, it's been great having you. You look really healthy. We'll be praying for you on this great adventure. So what is this consciousness? Could you speak up, please? What is this consciousness? Yeah, what is it? That's a good question. That question can guide you to look. And particularly look not just at consciousness, which is kind of hard to see because consciousness is clear.

[46:36]

And it's kind of like just light. Particularly, it's important to look at the activity of consciousness, which is more colorful. It has intentions. It has stories. So particularly the activity of consciousness is very important to look at. And when you first start looking at it, it'll probably be, when we first start looking at it, it will be unclear. It's boundless and unclear. But if you see it's unclear, you're starting to tune in. So you have some story in your mind right now. So look at that story. I don't know what it is, but you can see it. And you can even tell me what story you have. And then the next moment you have another story. And the next moment another one. And you might think before you look that you have the same story over and over. But if you look carefully, it'll become clearer that the story is changing. So watch these stories in your mind. That's You know, that's it.

[47:42]

Yeah, I kind of feel that I want to be conscious about my consciousness. Yeah, and that's the story. You look in your mind and you can tell me that there's a wish to be conscious of your consciousness. So that's the activity of your consciousness. Right now, anyway. But can consciousness see itself? Well, there's one school that thinks it cannot see itself. Actually, the Srivastava school thinks that consciousness cannot see itself. But most other schools of Buddhist philosophy and psychology say that consciousness can see itself, that it's self-aware. But... But even the school that says that consciousness can't see itself says that consciousness can see its mental formations which compose intention, which it can see its activity. So all schools say it's possible to observe karma, observe the activity of the mind, observe the mind as it arises through creating images.

[48:56]

All schools say that this can be seen. And some schools say that consciousness also is self-aware. I'm not discounting being aware of consciousness. That comes with all states. That's not where the real work is, because that's automatic. Again, some schools say that consciousness is not aware of itself. Other schools say that it is, but there's no work there. It's automatic. The work is for consciousness to be aware of its activity of body, speech, and mind. So that's where you can work, but again, we can become more and more skillful and see more and more clearly what the activity of the mind is, what the story is right now. We can become more clear and more consistent in looking. That is possible. All the different lineages of the Buddha Dharma agreed is possible for us to be aware of the activity of mind.

[50:01]

the dependent core rising, being demonstrated in the activity of mind. Is there like a point where this consciousness starts? Is there a point where it starts? Yeah, now. That's where it starts. This consciousness starts now. Now it's gone, now this one starts now. Thank you. You're welcome. By the way, Elena reminds me of Fred somehow. But Fred doesn't seem to be hearing me. Are you hearing me? You're hearing me a little bit? Is that good? What did you say?

[51:05]

Yes. Fred? Fred? Fred? I was leaning forward. Yeah. I'm always having a problem with the word uprightness. Me too. It's my favorite problem. She says she's always having a problem with being upright, did you say? Yes, with the word upright. She's having a problem with the word upright. And so yesterday when I was talking about my dislike or distaste or whatever or lack of appreciation for some of what I call the Japanese forms.

[52:22]

Yes. And you explained to me that it was a way to engage in the forms, was a way, and please correct me, to bring forth or to become aware of my resistance. Yes. So you told me If you dislike the form very much, you could go back like this. If you like it a lot, you can go forward and No, I didn't say you can. I just said if you like it a lot, you are going forward. You are going forward. And if you don't like it a lot, you are leaning backwards. Right. And so this question really doesn't have to do specifically with the form, but with being upright in life.

[53:25]

So this morning I was reading during the ceremony or there was something that I really disliked in the form. And I tried, I said, being upright has to include how you feel. Yes. It has to include it. It's not denying what you feel. No. It is, it must be. the reaction to what you feel. And so for a moment I did some, I don't know, what was done. Yes. But suddenly I was free and breezy and there was no reaction.

[54:34]

It's not that I liked the form. Suddenly I said, oh, how lovely. It's just that all of a sudden I breathed freely and was free from the previous emotion for it. Is that what being upright is? Bye, bye, Joe. She got it. Now, now clean it away. If it's not cleaned up, you can find it again. One second. Yeah. But I enjoyed having the taste. A taste. And then checking it out with you to see whether that's what you were talking about. You got a taste. And please continue to look for that place, that free and easy breezy place in the middle of likes and dislikes. Right. Well, you care, but not too much or too little.

[55:35]

There's such a place. And you found it. Now give it away, and let's find it again. It's gone. Yeah, it's gone. It's gone anyway, so since it's gone, make it a gift. Which you did. Thank you. Well, thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. Joe mentioned Freud yesterday.

[56:38]

He mentioned Freud? Freud. So when I listen to you talk about dealing with or looking at our jealousy and hate and envy, I hear that as the shadow, working and dealing with the shadow. Is that what you mean? Well, it's not really a shadow when you're looking at it. When you see your envy, it's not really a shadow. Mm-hmm. It's when you're being a nice lady, you know, but actually you're speaking from envy. Then the envy is in the shadows and it's driving you to speak, I don't know, to transgress against the Bodhisattva precepts because you don't see the envy there or the jealousy. Or you're talking to your husband, your dear, dependently co-arisen husband, who's so beautiful to you. But you don't know you're trying to jealously hold on to him and not lose him, right?

[57:41]

That's in the shadow. So then you talk to him, but really you're messing around with the situation because you don't know that you're speaking from jealousy. To get the jealousy out in the open and realize, you know, I'm really attached to you because you're so important to me. You know, and when I see you, I see life. So I don't want to lose you all because you're, you know, this, the pinnacle rising is you. That's missing out in the shadow. Now you can work with it. Now you can be upright with it and become free of it. But sometimes it's there, but, you know, we know we're not supposed to be jealous about our husbands, so we keep it away. And then we do all kinds of stuff based on the jealousy. And, uh, That's shadow. But when you're aware of your jealousy and possessiveness of precious things in your life, then it's not shadow stuff anymore. It's shadow stuff when you're trying to be a good woman, but something weird's going on.

[58:47]

Hmm, something stinks around here. Some shadow stuff must be... Oh, I see. Then it's not a shadow. When you visited us last time in San Luis Obispo, as I recall, you were talking about self-improvement. I doubt it. Well, no. Unless I was talking about people. No, no, no. What I listened to you say was that when you came to Zen Center, you came for self-improvement. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I was confessing self-improvement intentions. Yeah, and that as time goes on, Yeah. Yeah. But I still see all this as working for self-improvement. I mean, I still confess that I'm here to be better. Yeah, okay, fine. Good, confess it. Well, I guess I don't understand what's wrong with self-improvement. Nothing wrong with it.

[59:49]

It's just that it's a distraction from the main point, which is to help others. Well, how can I do that if I don't do this work? Well, you can do this work, but you don't see it as self-improvement. You can see it as a work so you can help others. Oh, oh, but it's still the same work. It's the same work, yeah, for a different purpose. Uh-huh, okay. It's a work, you know, to help others, which is enlightenment. Yes. It's not the work of holding on and maintaining and making this thing better. But it's the same work. In fact, you might think that this person's getting better while you're doing the work. You could think that. And you could work with that attitude that you're getting better and be upright with that, you know, and not fall for it. Thank you. You're welcome. So you're evolving nicely, Judy.

[61:00]

But you're not getting better. You're just doing well. I remember, didn't you say, somebody says, Zuki Roshi said, you're perfect the way you are and you could lose a little and poop now. Yeah, right. And I mentioned that to Linda, but I didn't understand that. And what I heard her say was that that was going to be my colon for life. Yeah. When I was a kid, I went to the circus and one of the things that happened there was that a woman who was wearing a sequined bikini... Sequined bikini?

[62:14]

Yeah. Can you hear him okay? A little louder please, Simon. A woman who was wearing a sequined bikini was put in a box and... Someone got a saw and they cut the box in half. And her legs were wiggling and her head was moving. And they then kind of separated the box. And as a kid, this was pretty scary to me. And they then put the box back together and tapped it. and opened it and she came out. And I was kind of amazed. And I hadn't seen that for a while. I hadn't seen that trick done for a while.

[63:19]

And I think if I would, I wouldn't see it as violent. I'd see it as a delightful play of so-called magic or entertainment. So I was wondering if the violence is more the belief The violence that I'm originally talking about is violence in your mind by which you create the images of the world. And that's the basic violence.

[64:23]

And that's connected to the way things are created. And if you attend to that, you will be able to see the violence in the outside world which is created by beings who do not, who aren't in touch with this inner reality, you'll be able to see that and be amazed and at the same time upright and help others do work so that they can be at peace with this and care for it properly. I guess there's a I guess there's something around the creative process being described as violent, that it seems like that's kind of part of the beauty or part of the... It is.

[65:25]

It's part of the beauty. It's vital force. It keeps things...not keeps things, it makes forms. And it also shapes forms that have been already made that are now stuck. So when forms are created through vital force and then held still, they die, and the creative process rips them apart and reforms them. And you're terming that process violent, or that's the word you're describing. Yes, the word violent is applied to that vital force. That's what the word violence means. It means vital force and the vital force to force things to change, to reform. There is a force in reforming and forming and reforming and dismantling.

[66:34]

There's a force there. And that force, I would say, is violence. And if attended to, we can have peace. Those who are intimate with it can be peacemakers. They are peacemakers, I would say. But those who wish to be peacemakers need to learn this. They need to learn to get in touch with this forming, reforming, transforming vital force. There's a vital force that can do that. And it can take other forces and flip them around and set them down without harming anything. I feel, or I'm aware, The juxtaposition of violence and beneficence, in my mind, they don't meet. In your mind they don't meet? There's a juxtaposition which doesn't... So in the... Like the magic show, the violence was kind of... That was the point of the magic show.

[67:47]

That was by which the magic show happened. The magic show happens with the beneficence and the violence coming together? Yeah, I guess, yeah. To make the little boy happy? To make him feel alive and feel joy? First of all, make him feel pretty scared. Scared and then relieved? And learning something about cause and effect? Yes, so anyway, the martial artist, I would say, is trying to unite beneficence and violence. So we have this famous story of the Buddha interacting with a mass murderer, Agulimala, and bringing his beneficence to this violence. And his beneficence is very creative and transforms this violent person into a beneficent person.

[68:56]

But the Buddha is already working with the violence in her own mind. So she can work with the violence of a person in the world. And this person in the world who is also frightened and doesn't think anybody is his friend, the Buddha can say, I'm your friend. You know, your violence is familiar to me. The violence you're performing, I know about this violence. And I can be friends to you, the violent one. And you can reject me, but I can show you that I'm actually able to be with you. And Mughalimala actually tries to run after the Buddha and hurt him. And the Buddha just walks and Mughalimala can't catch him. And the Buddha's like right there with him, showing him that, you know, he can work with him. And nobody's going to get hurt. And nobody did get hurt. And Guli Mala snapped out of his unbeneficent ways.

[70:01]

This is what the Buddha would like us to learn. It's basically being friendly with, in this story, violence. So beneficence can meet violence. And there's even some violence in the beneficence meeting the violence that it transforms the violence into beneficence. Violence isn't a stuck thing either. It can be forcefully transformed into something else. And that whole process is peacemaking. But of course it's not easy to be upright and relaxed and not care too much or too little about ladies getting cut in half.

[71:03]

Mommy, is this really okay that they're doing this to this lady? Yes, darling, it's all right. She'll be okay, I'm sure. I've done this before. But there's always a possibility that maybe she'll get hurt. But the magician maybe knows, no, she's not going to get hurt. That saw's got nothing to do with her. But I don't want to tell you that before I do this trick, before it won't be quite as interesting to you. But if you want to become a musician, I need an apprentice. Thank you. You're welcome.

[72:08]

I see self-importance in the process of being hesitant and just not being upright. Well, you can be upright with the... with the picture of self-importance. But are you saying that when you see the self-importance and then you hesitate, that that's not being upright with the specter of self-importance? Yeah, right. But possible to learn, oh, there's self-importance. Hello, self-importance. Welcome. You too are welcome here. And also, when you're ready to go, You may go. And we will welcome the next guest. In responding to the call.

[74:15]

In responding to the call. I'm mourning to not be there when the answer is spoken. You want to I'm mourning. I'm mourning the fact that there's... You're mourning. In responding to the call, you're mourning? The fact that in the response, I won't be there at the end of the response. Oh, you're mourning in advance? I'm mourning that I'm afraid of God. afraid and mourning. I like that mourning in advance. That's really kind of sweet. The enlightened person is coming. I'm happy for her to come, but I'm sorry I won't be there. But if I mourn that loss of me when the enlightened one comes, then I'm open to letting go of me and being there to welcome.

[75:21]

Like if I'm right now, today I'm here, and then later today the enlightened one's coming, but I won't be there for it. Somebody else will be welcoming her. So I'm sad about that. But now that I've been, I'm sad, okay, so now we can move on and have that. Whoever is going to meet that person will be there. And I let them, even though I'm not here anymore. Bye-bye. Do you know that song? That one goes, pack up all your cares and woes. Here we go. Singing low. Bye bye, Blackbird. When somebody waits for me, sugar sweet, so is he. Bye bye, Blackbird. No one here can care or understand me.

[76:24]

Oh, what hard luck stories they all hand me. Make my bed and light the light. I'll be home late tonight. Blackbird, bye bye. I want a pacifier. You want a pacifier, one of those things in the mouth for you? For the one that can figure out the next moment. How about upright sitting? Would that be suitable? May our intention equally...

[77:41]

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