As I said before, I appreciate your effort to come to this intensive practice, and I have a sense there appears to be some difficulty in practicing here now for many people. And then I also had a sense that when I bring up aspiring to be Buddha, I kind of feel like curling up in a ball and dying. I was thinking, I've never seen a child right after maybe four or five years old, right after one of their parents dies or something like that, but I've seen dramatic enactments of moments like that.

[01:15]

And oftentimes what the child does is they quietly walk to their room, close the door, get under the covers, and just stay there for a long time. And I was thinking, yeah, sometimes human beings want to just crawl back in. Having a hard time just wanting to go someplace where they'd be supportive and protected. And I was thinking, where did I hear that image recently? And I said, oh yeah, it was in a Supposedly fun things that I'll never do again. By David Foster Wallace. And he wrote an article about going on one of these, what is it called?

[02:20]

These are luxury, luxury Caribbean tours. or they really, what he, you know, pamper you. And he sort of, he said, oh yeah, he kind of realized that that's what it was about. It was about helping people, like, go back into the womb. He had a lot of problems with that, what it takes to get adults back into the womb. Kind of drove him nuts. So I felt I should offer another class right away because I was concerned that that you're having a really hard time. And I asked for some feedback yesterday and during the class also afterwards, I asked for feedback and somebody said, I don't have any feedback.

[03:21]

And then in a little moment there, he said, well, actually, you know, yesterday I had some time off from the kitchen and I was thinking of resting. And I went to the class and had a really hard time staying awake. And then somebody else came to see me and just said, you know, I just want to apologize for sleeping through the class yesterday. And the people who were awake were hearing this terrible message. You know, I've got enough problems. Don't bring up becoming Buddha on top of everything else. So I won't bring it up anymore. But indirectly, I just wanted to mention that we haven't chanted the Fukan Zazengi yet.

[04:29]

But tomorrow we might chant it during morning service. And in that text, the author says, speak of is not learning meditation in other words he really what he means is it's not just learning meditation it's not just concentration it's totally culminated enlightenment so he's trying to teach which is totally culminated in enlightenment. So this meditation practice is a meditation practice of Buddhas and Buddha candidates. That's the type of meditation he's trying to teach. Enlightenment meditation. And then he says, traps and snares can never reach it. Well, what kind of traps and snares? I would suggest the traps and snares of our human consciousness.

[05:38]

Also, this doesn't get it either, butterfly consciousness. No mind can grasp the mind of enlightenment, the practice of enlightenment. So we're saying, okay, here's a meditation practice which is enlightenment. and not grasp it and this is what I'm teaching you and here's a form to practice it sit upright look down at 45 degrees and so on and in that form practice unsurpassed enlightenment. Use that form as an opportunity. You can use other forms too. This practice of enlightenment has nothing to do with sitting or lying down, but just do it. Try this way. This enlightened consciousness, this enlightened mind, in this enlightened mind, all the wondrous, liberating possibilities of life are functioning there.

[07:13]

This mind is arising together with including all unenlightened mind. It's arising together with all perceptions of all living beings. And it is engaging in the process of liberating all. And it has three characteristics. The enlightened enlightenment and the enlightened mind have three characteristics. One characteristic is this this interdependent, other-dependent characteristic, which, that's one characteristic. Another characteristic is some talk about it. So now I'm talking about it. Some fantasy about it, some idea about it. So I said, I offered the idea that this

[08:18]

this enlightened mind, this enlightenment, this enlightened activity, this Buddha way, has all these good qualities. And when I talk about it, when I think about it, and when you hear me, this is the fantasy aspect of it. This is ways of thinking about it. And you can use many different forms to celebrate and practice it. And this mind, this enlightened mind pervades everything completely, the speech. And yet if you don't practice, you can't taste it. So this morning we chanted, you know, that Bhaja's fanning says the nature of wind is that it is

[09:22]

permanent, and it reaches everywhere. There's no place it doesn't reach. So why do you fan yourself? And Bhadja says, well, maybe you understand that it's permanent, because here we are talking about it again, and we're always concerned about it. Yeah, so I guess it is permanent, but you don't understand it reaching everywhere. What's the meaning of it reaching everywhere? The fanning is the reaching. Enlightenment reaches everywhere, so why do we have to practice? The practice is the reaching of it. The practice is the way it reaches everywhere. And the practice is not your idea of the practice, although you can have an idea of the practice. Your idea of the practice is one of the aspects of the practice. One of the aspects of the practice of enlightenment is your fantasies about it.

[10:29]

But the fantasies about it are totally non-existent, except as fantasies. The practice is actually free of all our ideas of the practice. And that's the third characteristic, which is called Reality is something that is free of our ideas of reality, free of our ideas of it. Actually, everything. Reality is the fact that all of our ideas about anything don't reach anything, including our ideas of reality. So this enlightenment is free of our ideas of it. Our ideas of it are absent in it. And the way it... So the way it actually is is that it has a defiled aspect. The practice of enlightenment has a defiled aspect.

[11:35]

And the defiled aspect of the practice of enlightenment is about it. And we use our ideas about it to fan. We use our ideas about it to practice. We use conventional images of the practice to devote our life to it, which is free of our ideas and defiled by our ideas. And this practice is going on all the time. It's free of all our perceptions, dedicate our perceptions to it, and our perceptions don't grasp it. We can devote our life of our ordinary mind and body to the practice, and our life and body don't grasp what we're dedicating it to, but they

[12:39]

So I also mentioned that in one of the sutras it says, based on what and abiding in what the bodhisattvas practice, the meditation, the enlightening and the meditation of enlightenment, they abide in this vow to practice enlightenment and realize enlightenment. And then the way they deal with whatever practice they're doing is with the teachings which preceded this question in the sutra, the teachings would tell you the nature of everything, the nature of, for example, tranquility practice and insight practice. So when you practice tranquility practice, the bodhisattvas have a teaching which says, I'm practicing tranquility practice, and the tranquility practice has three characteristics. One is The other is that it's free of my idea of it. And the other is the actual way that the practice is arising and ceasing, which I do not know with my perceptions, but it's actually right there all the time.

[13:55]

And I have a teaching which reminds me of that. So I devote myself to what I can't get a hold of. And I use what I think I can get a hold of as a way to devote myself. And... That's how I practice tranquility. And then when I'm tranquil, in a state of tranquility, I can contact the teachings about the nature of tranquility. So once you're tranquil, you can say, well, what is it? What is tranquility? And then you're practicing insight in a state of tranquility. You can also, when you're not calm and tranquil and flexible, you can also ask, what is it about everything? It's just that the understanding will become wisdom if you're calm when you ask the question. And also then once you're calm in asking the question, you can ask the question about the calm, and it becomes insight.

[15:02]

So we start with practice, we hear some teachings, then we practice tranquility. then we review the teachings in tranquility, and the teachings, and reviewing the teachings in tranquility becomes insight, and then we, and then now, because we're practicing insight, we then go and practice tranquility again, based on insight, and then we practice insight based on tranquility, together like that, until finally they're like united. and then we actually enter and realize. And this is laid out in the chapter on the questions of Maitreya in the sutra, which is revealing the intention of the Buddha. I also offer you a little book called The Third Turning of the Wheel, which might help you understand the sutra.

[16:11]

I just want you to know I'm I'm touched by your effort and I'm touched by the difficulty you're having with the magnitude of the bodhisattva idea. But I somehow stumble upon it and I can't reverse that. But I sympathize with how difficult it is to practice the bodhisattva way. I know it's hard. And I know we sometimes feel we're not very good at it. Yesterday, Neha told this kind of amazing story about this woman who experienced great abuse from her father and then somehow got an interview with the Dalai Lama and I guess he got in a position of giving her some suggestions about how to deal with all her rage and hatred towards this person.

[18:37]

She said, well, practice compassion and forgiveness and meditation. And she just really was not ready to practice compassion and forgiveness, but she did practice meditation. And then she was able later to practice this amazing thing of compassion and forgiveness of this person. Somebody else told me a story about these two interesting young men from my family. They're probably in their 40s or 50s. They were talking to each other. One's name is Adam Gopnik, a person of Jewish background. Another one is Matthew Maxwell.

[19:41]

I guess his family is Mennonite. And they were having a conversation and it came up that Malcolm said that when somebody gives a harsh criticism of one of his books, he waits for three months or so before he responds, before he even tries to respond. And during the three months, he remembers a teaching he heard, which is there's three ways to respond to oppression, dash, cruelty, and so on. One way is to fight back and destroy. Another way is to be really devious and sneaky and strike back.

[20:50]

And the third way is and forgive. So he waits for a long time until he's ready to do the third one. And then after about three months, usually the critic is has written a book. These guys are operating at the level where the people criticize them about writing almost as fast as they are. So then he reads the book, and then he writes a really supportive and appreciative review of it. And when Adam heard Malcolm's way of dealing with harsh criticism, he thought, that's really a good trick.

[22:01]

This review will be published, right? after it's published, the guy probably not only might be, his favor might be curried, but also it would be more difficult for him to attack you after you've written this nice review of him in public. And Malcolm said, no, no, no, no, I'm not doing it for that reason. I'm writing it because I really do appreciate what he wrote. I mean, I genuinely appreciate I wait until I can genuinely write appreciation of him. And Adam said, really? Wow. So somebody might say, well, that's a little bit of, that's the body self-avowed there. when somebody is, even somebody you've been kind to is not kind to you, to wait until you can really appreciate them and genuinely appreciate them and hopefully that they totally forgive them in the process.

[23:31]

The historical Buddha demonstrated that on a number of occasions. People did attack even the historical Buddha. You know, now we have... I heard this... I think many of you heard the amazing statement by the executive something or other of the National Rifle Association He said, there's only one way to stop a gun, and that's another good guy with a gun. I thought, hmm, that sounds reasonable in a way. I thought, well, we have in the Zen tradition, we have a number of examples of swords, being stopped by bad guys with compassion. A number of bad Zen masters have been threatened with swords and have come back with compassion and stopped the swordsmen.

[24:58]

And the Buddha, that bad old Buddha, was attacked by people and came back with Buddha's compassion and stopped them. Not every time, but enough at times to show that sometimes it's possible. So, the NCA, National Compassion Association, to protect our country, to send out armies of compassionate people, unarmed, to protect our children, to disarm armed, enraged children with adult bodies. But it's an amazing thing to learn how to do that, but bodhisattvas aspire to learn that, and Buddhas can do that, and some Zen

[26:12]

adepts have been able to do it. They've been able to look the violent aggressor in the eye and say, what's the matter darling? Can I help you? But it's not easy to do that. It's easy to tense up and think that you're looking at somebody other than yourself It's hard to remember that you're looking at your own mind and there's nothing else you can see until you're really kind to that mind. And when you're really kind to the mind, you'll see, oh, the projection, that mental projection has no existence at all. And then you realize enlightenment. That's very hard sometimes.

[27:17]

And even when the image is terribly painful, it's hard to remember the teaching even then because our consciousness is giddy. It's excited and it disorients us. So even when we hear the teaching about how to apply to everything we see, how to meditate on everything as conscious constructions, That's given to us in a mind that's very agitated and disorienting. So it's hard to remember, oh yeah, what was the point again? Oh yeah, I'm looking at, I'm looking at the fantasy pattern of the mind now. Look at all these suffering faces, all these happy and sad faces that are suffering. This is, I'm looking at my mind. my mental version of all these beings. And if I'm kind to this mental version of all beings, remember now that I will be free of believing that this fantasy of beings is the beings.

[28:28]

I'll be free of that and be able to enter into the mind of enlightenment. I won't be able to get a hold of it. There's traps and stairs in my consciousness, but We will enter it together. And when I'm sitting or standing I wish to remember this teaching. This is, you know, this is self-receiving and employing samadhi. When we're looking at appearances, the instruction is, remember the appearances are yourself, are your mind. And if you can really center into the actuality, of this self-receiving and employing samadhi. And that's where all, everyone sits. That's what, that is proposed as the true path of enlightenment of all the Buddhas and ancestors, India and China and Japan and Korea and Tibet.

[29:39]

Add in that samadhi when they realized reality. Yeah, so the proposal is reality is actually a good thing. It's in reality, in reality, it's a good situation. In reality, when you realize it, there's peace. Peace and reality go together. The truth, the true truth and peace are the same thing. Nirvana is the realization of the truth. Peace and freedom go with truth. Suffering and bondage go with believing things that don't really exist the way they appear. Everybody is free of what we think they are. And the practice is really free of what we think it is, so now we have a chance to go do the practice, which is free of what we think of it, but we have to use what we think of it to do it.

[30:55]

Because we do think of something about it, like we think, you know, that Zazen will start at such and such a time, and we're going to go, we think we're going to go into the room that we think is a room with people that we think are people, and we think we're going to sit there, and so on. And we have a teaching for people like us, to not be people like us. I hope I have put some salve on your tender bodies and minds. Because I know you're feeling kind of raw, vulnerable at this time. So I would be, I'm okay with concluding our meeting unless you, something you, I'm welcome not to, but I think I've said enough.

[32:04]

Can you hear me in the back? Yes. I'm passionate. I only throw it around a lot. I've heard it defined before, but I, In the face of so many of the pressures, or even in the face of our own pain, compassion is the understanding of who is the person of pain and doing with it without trying to change it? Yeah, I guess if you felt, if you saw an appearance of cruelty and you felt pain, often we feel pain when we see cruelty then the feeling of the pain is there and the compassion is to like embrace that pain at that moment it starts there that you recognize that you feel pain and then there's three kinds of compassion which I'll mention in a moment but basically

[33:17]

The basic thing is that you ... and then you feel generosity towards it. In other words, you let it be the way it is at the moment. You might also wish to liberate everybody involved from this pain. You might have ... that's functioning along with feeling the pain, that you would like actually to free beings from this pain. But some people wish, they have compassion in the sense of wishing to be free of the pain or wishing to be free of the pain, but they don't practice generosity towards the pain, which is what you mentioned. If you wish for someone to be free of pain, and you're not generous towards it, then that wish is kind of like not facilitated, not practiced at that moment.

[34:25]

And then the other thing is, then you follow on to practice, you know, conscientiousness, you know, being very careful about your actions. So if you wish to then not perhaps do something which might make the situation more comfortable or make the situation more peaceful, after being generous, you practice being careful. Like, maybe you might ask, would you like me to help with this? The person might say, no thanks. But they might say, but thanks for asking. And then you practice patience because the pain might reoccur or might still be there in that moment. And then the third aspect of compassion is this heroic vow to embrace all these painful situations, to aspire to joyfully embrace all this suffering.

[35:30]

That's the fuel of the previous three aspects. That's the bodhisattva's heroic effort. To lay bodhisattva into Tibetan as hero of enlightenment. The usual way of translating it is enlightening being, but the Tibetans translate it as enlightening hero. So the fourth practice of bodhisattvas is this enthusiasm, practicing compassion towards all different types of suffering. So in the case where I guess I'm wondering, like, how is the bad guy feeling? Like, how is the bad guy feeling the compassion? How does that transform that?

[36:33]

I mean, because that's the thing that's kind of happening. Would you tell me what you're wondering again? You're wondering what? I guess I'm trying to, I guess I'm curious about, I can understand to a certain extent how I can practice compassion with the pain and when somebody is bringing me and I guess I'm wondering on their side, how does my compassion affect them or not? I mean, I guess there's times where it what's the magic when it does are you saying well it's a combination of it's the combination of one person actually hearing the other that the other person's asking for help and the other person being ready to do what the other person is trying to do.

[37:41]

But sometimes, even though this person is seeing this this painful expression, both for self and other, seeing that as a cry for help, and they want to, even though they're quite skillful, be ready, but sometimes they are. So there are stories of where the Zen master or the Buddha or the Bodhisattva responds to cruelty with kindness, and the person does not wake up And there's not, you know, people do not like, those are the stories that people don't necessarily remember. That's quite common, right? Somebody tries to be helpful to someone who's frightened and violent and they're unsuccessful, but sometimes they are successful. There also are a few examples of the aggressive person, frightened, aggressive person

[38:44]

did not get turned around by the attempted compassion. And one example like that where the bandit went ahead and killed the Zen teacher was for Hakuin. He was very upset that this one wonderful Zen master named Ganto, wonderful, and Ganto helped many other Zen students, a very fierce and wonderfully kind person, who enlightened a number of his sisters. He died at the hands of a bandit, and that was really a problem for me too, that such a wonderful person died that way. That's why he died. He was actually true and being kind to a bandit who threatened him. And I think the magic is when the person, when you touch them in a way,

[39:58]

relax around the touch. Like, especially when you touch them right where they're hurting, not necessarily most, but you touch them right around where they're hurting, because if you touch them someplace else and they relax, they're still tense around this other place. So if you can kind of touch somewhere in the neighborhood of where they're hurting in such a way that their attention goes to the hurt spot and they relax around it, That's often where the big change happens. So I often tell the story of this, a friend of mine actually who was on a trolley in some place in Japan and he was, he's an Aikido master. He was an Aikido master. He died and he, and Aikido means the path of loving energy. I loving and key energy, loving energy path. So he was a loving energy master and he was on a trolley and this big guy got on the trolley and kind of was storming down the aisle threatening people, you know.

[41:09]

And as he's approaching my friend, my friend thought, wait till he gets to me. I'll show him a thing or two. But before he got to him, the train stopped and a small man got on, maybe a man in his 70s, and when he saw this big, maybe drunk and upset man, he said something like, What's the matter, sweetheart? He saw his pain and he went to him in a way that he touched it and the guy said, relaxed and broke down into tears and said, my wife just died. So, but sometimes a very skillful person they touch but somehow that person can't relax. And so then they feel maybe even more angry that you touched it and they tense up more and then they go, phew. So it's... And again, even the Buddha

[42:19]

...tried to stop aggressive energy and actually I don't know if he ever stopped, I don't know if he ever failed, but in some cases he was asked to address some aggressive situation and he said he could see that the people weren't ready, even though in a similar situation just before they were ready. So he actually stopped and... twice from attacking his people. And the third time, he didn't go try, because he could see they wouldn't stop. But he did stop. The story is, anyway, he stopped great aggression sometimes, but sometimes he couldn't. And even his... tried to kill him. And... And when he was eating that meal where he had got food from that meal, not clear exactly what he was fed, but somebody anyway gave him a meal.

[43:27]

He was begging and somebody gave him a meal and then he got really sick afterwards. So people thought that that person who gave him the food was responsible for making the Buddha sick. And he made a big effort to kill that person who fed me that stuff. Because you can imagine, some of his students might have wanted to punish that person for giving him something poisonous. He definitely didn't want them to hurt them. That's the Buddha, but the bodhisattva vows to do towards pain too, to try to bring softness to the pain. Another example is this. I just heard too. This is, I think this is also maybe, anyway, some religious training from some religious tradition Her five-year-old son was hit, knocked down by a teenage boy driving a car.

[44:38]

And she went over after her son was taken to the hospital in an ambulance. And she said to the policeman, take care of that boy. And the policeman said, oh, your son's going to get the best treatment, don't you worry. Her son died, by the way. And she said, my son, talking about the boy who was driving the car to take care of him. Of course, this is the spirit which leads to Buddhahood. But I don't know how the boy felt about that gesture. So these are And I don't know if that woman aspired to Buddhahood. But the Buddha says, I did aspire to Buddhahood. And it was successful.

[45:40]

And some of these other people also said, I do aspire to Buddhahood. And it's hard to follow through on that. But again, I'm really touched that you're considering and trying to look at this vow, which can be a resource to do a practice, such an ineffable, ungraftable practice, realization process. With a vow like this, I think it goes with such an amazing practice. Other vows maybe go for practices where you can get something. Anything else this morning? Yes.

[46:44]

Sam and Austin. Does the woman I just spoke to, did she have to aspire to Buddhahood? She didn't. I don't think she... She didn't have to be a Buddha for it. It doesn't seem like it might come along at all. Do you have to aspire to be a Buddha to be a Buddha? Once you're a Buddha, you don't know, right? But to get to the place where you're a Buddha and don't know it, I think you sort of need to want to be a Buddha. But you don't have to. That whole process of wanting to be a Buddha, you don't have to. It's any step of the way. You can just hear stories about Buddha. In fact, that's all you're going to hear. So you're going to hear stories about Buddha, and then you also hear instructions, which are stories, which tell you, you're hearing stories about Buddha, and you like the stories. So I tell you, I hear stories about Zen people, and I want it to be like those stories.

[47:48]

But I don't know what Zen people are. So, I think in order to become a Buddha, you have to kind of like the stories of Buddha. But you don't believe that the stories you have about Buddha are what Buddha is. You can understand, but they're just stories about it that attract my life energy to try to live a story life which goes with the story that I want my life to be. If I ever would reach that place, I wouldn't know I'm Buddha once I finally realize Buddha, and it's not necessary to know it. And even though you don't know it, if it's helpful and people ask you, are you Buddha, you would say, well, as a matter of fact, yes. They say, do you know that? You say, no. But I think that was true what I just said. Just like I often tell the story of the Dalai Lama when he was a kid, they told him he was a manifestation or emanation of Avalokiteshvara, and he thought that was really kind of amazing.

[48:58]

And then when he was in his 70s, he said, I can kind of see it now. Maybe so. It's possible. But I don't imagine he goes around thinking, I am Avalokiteshvara. Maybe. Who knows? Who knows who Avalokiteshvara is? It could be Could be just about anybody. I've heard that anyway. Yes, Austin. So these stories, one of the and the Buddha stopped armies, they kind of make a picture of compassion looking like nonviolence. Yeah, right. Can that... for me to hear about our tradition and our stories.

[50:03]

But there are some stories, one contemporary within the last 10 years, or a comment made by the Dalai Lama, and an old story that Kokyo told here. I think it was about a jataka tale on the ship when there was a man who was going to sink the ship and kill 500 people. the Buddha at that time, in that life, decided to kill the person who was going to sink the ship. Yeah, in that lifetime, the person could read the person's mind, knew that he was going to do that. Yes, right. And then with this more contemporary story, where the Dalai Lama made a comment about... He was kind of forced into the corner. You know, somebody said, if you, if you somehow could see that somebody's going to and kill many millions of people and there's no other way to stop that person from doing that other than to kill him, would you kill him?

[51:12]

I think he said he would, right? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I didn't hear that story from previously. This is just about when the Dalai Lama said that There are instances where war is the correct means of dealing with something. I think he cited World War II, and I think he was really talking about what was going on in Tibet, and that if the Tibetans had the money, they would try, but that they don't. And so he recommends money. So I guess my question is, It's like, personally, I kind of know what I need to do. But this massive confusion, I feel support for what I think I need to do by the story of the Zen master who can't be killed unless the Buddha stops the army. But with these other stories, it kind of brings this question mark in about what is compassion and what is helpful in this moment.

[52:19]

kind of this other idea of, you know, not abusing our own children doesn't stop child abuse. Yeah. You can not abuse your own child and your child grows up and abuses himself. You know, that could go that way. When you said the question about what compassion is, it seems to me that that question should never stop. So in the case of in the case of somebody attacking you and you coming back with kindness and the person snapping out of it and thank you for your kindness and for preventing them from doing harm to you or themselves that story I think you still might wonder what compassion was so I think the path is definitely to always wonder what compassion is to always wonder and I never heard about compassion Don't think, don't attach to being Buddhas when they're really Buddhas.

[53:25]

Compassionate beings do not grasp that they're being compassionate. But they wish to be compassionate. They wish to be compassionate. And the more they wish, the more they wish. But they don't. Compassion takes you to a place where you can be devoted to it without grasping it. So beginning compassion, the first kind of compassion is compassion where you kind of grasp it. That's the beginning phase, the first type of the three. It's called compassion towards beings. You think things exist. You think you're a compassionate person or you're somebody who exists, who wishes to be compassionate to other beings who really exist and have suffering which really exists and your compassion really exists and your help really exists. That's the way you start. And almost everybody has to start that way. It's called sentimental compassion in the sense that it goes along with our usual way of thinking.

[54:29]

The next kind of compassion is when you realize that you and the compassion and the beings and their suffering, all that is related. And then when you practice compassion, which has an object instead of existent things, of elements, interdependent elements, and that frees you from your sentimental attitude about compassion. But still, there's still some sense of separation between... The third kind of compassion is there's nobody helping anybody else. It's just actually the actual relationship of kindness where there's no object. That's great compassion. And in that case, nobody knows what it is, and where does it come from, and how do people How do people become vessels for that, or receptacles for that, or servants of that?

[55:32]

So, again, I remember the scholar Edward Kansa says that Tibetan monks sit and they say, om mani padme hum. Actually, they say, om mani padme hum. They kind of mispronounce padme. They say that, and they're inviting this great compassion to inhabit their body and mind. They vow that they will become that compassion, that great compassion, which doesn't have an object. You just let it into the world through your body and mind. He said, but the Soto Zen monks, they sit and they don't say anything or think anything. And that's a thing to inhabit their body and mind. But we don't know what it is either. When the compassion partly fills you, you know it. You know it. But when it completely fills you, you don't really, you don't know what it is.

[56:35]

but you're still a servant. Knowing what it is isn't the important thing. Okay? Did you have your hand raised, Raven? Yes. I was thinking of this. I was compassionate to the person who killed her child. I can totally see why, because she was thinking of this boy as being a child, and how horrible that must have been to, you know, to hit that boy. So, you know, I think it's a bit... To me, it's automatic to think that way, to feel the pain of that person who did something terrible that he didn't mean to do, and how much suffering must be there.

[57:46]

So anyway, it's really hard if you're all childless, of course, but I feel when there is an accident, where that person did not live, but it happened, and now they have to live with that for the whole life. That would be a terrible situation. Yep. And if you did mean it, it would even be worse for him. Worse. Worse for him. And then even more you would care for him, because he's in even worse shape if you meant it. Yeah, that he's in... And maybe you could do that too and say, how terrible that this harm happened and how terrible that you're glad that it happened. And I really want to take care of you with this horrible karma. I saw there was somebody. Okay, I don't know.

[58:50]

Will you Oh, over here, too. Okay, so we have Tracy, Sese, Carolina, and Chris. Yes? Yes? Well, I've been devastated since our conversation yesterday. That was life. Somehow I've been cast out of the garden of Eden. That's the analogy that it felt like to me. I come here for the truth. I'm willing for it to be not sugar-coated. I count on you to not sugar-coat it. So I like that. But I guess how I heard the truth yesterday leads to me

[59:52]

You know, I don't know how to want something. I can't. You know, we like to say, well, do you wish to, you know, you say, do you wish to be a Buddha? Well, do I wish to fly to the moon? Do I wish to be a light bulb? You know, I could lie. So I just don't know how to be authentic right now. Well, to say I don't know how to be authentic sounds pretty authentic. Yeah, but I don't know how to be authentic about what we're talking about here, about what I came to this retreat for. And then you said that it sounds like you don't understand... It sounds like you feel like... The example you used, it sounds like you feel like a Buddha is related to you like a light bulb.

[60:59]

I don't want to particularly be a light bulb. Well, no, actually the image that came to mind... You know, I'm willing to go for being Jesus Christ, but not God. That's what it felt like yesterday. It's like, to me, the Bodhisattva... Okay, fine. You know, imagine... I think I could be a Buddha. I don't know how to think about that. Yeah, so I could translate what you said in the sense that you doubt that you want to be a Buddha. I doubt that I could be. You doubt that you could be. I completely doubt that. Yeah. It would feel phony to go around and say, I vow to realize that I'm going to be a Buddha. I can't do that. So I feel like I should leave. So, so you think about, you think it's impossible for me to become a Buddha.

[62:13]

Do you really think it's possible for you to? Well, I've been thinking about this for a while. I think that what I'm talking about, that sort of the center of gravity of a Buddha is a state which is inconceivable to sentient beings. So with that understanding, when you say, do you think you can be a Buddha? When you say you, if what you mean by you is a thing, then this conceivable thing is going to drop away in an inconceivable situation. The Buddha is an inconceivable situation, so I won't be there, and neither will you.

[63:19]

But that inconceivable situation could use me and you for its purposes. So the essential body of Buddha is free of any kind of elaboration of reality. And so from the point of view of sentient beings, the essential body, the true body of Buddha is inconceivable. So if you think, if you start to imagine how this inconceivable thing, well, you will not become that inconceivable thing. But it's like, what is it, a candle doesn't exactly become the fire, but somehow the candle is transforming into the fire, but the candle is not in the fire. transformed into an inconceivable situation.

[64:25]

We can be kind of like fuel for making Buddha. Buddhas are made out of living beings. Why did you bring it up Sunday? What is it about that part of it that just having the commitment to being a bodhisattva is insufficient? Just living for the benefit of all beings is insufficient? You know, when you brought it up Sunday, I feel like you were stirring the pot intentionally. I feel like I got stirred. But I don't know, what is it about that that's so important that you find out? What's insufficient if we're just committed to living for the benefit of all beings without that part? What's missing? Well, because are you willing to live for the benefit of all beings and also give up your ideas of benefit? Are you also willing to give up your ideas of you? Are you willing to give up your idea of beings?

[65:28]

So that's why you have to commit to Buddhahood in addition to committing to benefit beings. You have to commit to those wisdoms, those three wisdoms, those three kinds of relinquishing of those kinds of misconceptions as real. In Buddhahood you completely relinquish those things, and then your wish to benefit beings is not constricted by your ideas of benefit and beings. And that's Buddha. Buddha is like not attached to any of that stuff. Well, you said, is that all? But I could also say, well, it's not even that. It's not that either. So usually when people want to help others, they think of their idea of them and others and help.

[66:43]

That's the first type of compassion. But great compassion is no, like me, help, and others. And that where there's no separation, that's Buddha. It's hard to get to that place, but in order for the compassion to be great, we have to let go of those elements. So there's no object of the compassion anymore. I appreciate you openly sharing your distress. Can you help me? I don't know what this grief means. There's such grief about this. Well, there's some letting go of your earlier... Well, like, when you move from compassion directed towards beings to compassion directed towards elements, to compassion, to great compassion, there's some grief in letting go of the earlier... the earlier compassionate person, you know. And the grief will help you just let go of her.

[67:48]

She's a sweetheart, but you've got to let her go of her and move on. I feel like the grief has more to do with you and the community, not me. Well, also you have to let go of me, too. Because I'm a transient thing. And then if you let go of me, then you can meet the new me. Which is not better than the old one, but it's the new one. It's the fresh one that you can work with in the present. But if you have any attachment to any of the other ones that's going to hinder you leading the new one. And grief will help you let go of all the other rebs you've ever known. Some of which you may be held on to somewhat. But if you're holding on to any of those past rebs, that's, you know, distracting you from dealing with And your body kind of wants you to be fully ready to deal with the present reb. So it kind of wants you to let go of all the other ones, but you don't know how, because you don't know how you're holding on to them.

[68:53]

They're not all conscious. So then the grief comes, and if you can open to the grief and share it, you open to the grief over here, and it's referred to over here where you're holding on to the reb that you should let go of. So you let go of those rebs when you open to the grief. It's like, One's an opening and the other one's an opening and releasing. And then you're refreshed to deal with the new of today. Okay? Now, that will happen again because you may meet some other web that you think was pretty good and hold on to. But then you'll be gone and you've got to let go of it but you maybe don't even know you're holding on to it. So, grief's got to come and help you. I really appreciate it. Probably yesterday's stupid. You're welcome. Thank you for expressing yourself, because if you hadn't expressed yourself, I wouldn't have been able to work with you on this point, if you just held it inside.

[69:57]

In this first stage of compassion, to spread the sentimental compassion, is there any action that we can take in that stage that isn't, in some sense, colluding with the person's suffering. You talked about touching the area of their suffering that allowed them to lapse around. But I think my question is about, I'm concerned about being conscientious, even in that touch, that I'm not colluding because I'm in the state of some mental compassion. It seems like any action I take leads toward collusion. Yeah, what I don't know if it leads to, it is in collusion. Sentimental compassion is in collusion with misconceptions, yes, your own and anybody in the neighborhood. However, you're sentimentally compassionate rather than sentimental. There's a difference. It's a conceptual difference.

[71:06]

It's a conventional difference. That you're trying to be generous rather than stingy. That you're trying to be careful and mindful rather than being inattentive and mindless. And you have a sentimental understanding of what generosity is, sentimental understanding of what conscientiousness is. So you're using conventional stuff. But you're using different conventional stuff that you maybe have done on other occasions, and you have plenty of experience with those. Like when I'm inattentive, you know, sentimentally inattentive. Now I'm sentimentally attentive. And the part of good karma is that it sets up the possibility of, you know, overcoming our sentimental version of karma. Unwholesome karma is not auspicious or conducive to understanding karma. But good karma is still karma, and therefore it's sentimental.

[72:11]

But there's grades of karma. Some is more conducive to moving forward towards awakening. Still caught in this dualistic enterprise, so there's some collusion with duality. And then when you're free of duality, you come back into it to show other people how to work with it. Because again, the individual has a defiled aspect. It colludes, to some extent, with images and appearances. It colludes with things that don't exist, that don't exist. There is some collusion. Let's see. Great. Just a comment and a question.

[73:15]

It's a comment. It's just that I strip off. And this place serves me in a variety of ways, including following the schedule that I did create. My question comes back to something you said at the top this morning. And you gave great descriptions or qualities of, and I think it was us, You talked about that. Yeah, it's three characteristics of everything, and it also applies to... the practice of enlightenment. Enlightenment has three characteristics and delusion has three characteristics. Zazen is the practice of enlightenment. That's three characteristics. Yes. I missed the part about and everything. Yeah.

[74:15]

So I'm that way, you're that way, greed's that way, compassion, everything has these three characteristics. Ice cream's that way. Yes. And that's what was occurring to me this morning. Because I like to eat ice cream. And eating ice cream, I noticed, has the characteristics that you were describing. Yes. But we don't build a schedule around eating ice cream. Oh, well, some places do. No, it's not the central focus, right? Right. leads me to, so as we practice Zazen, or attempt to practice Zazen with some diligence, I guess I was wondering, is there maybe a fourth characteristic that causes Zazen, to the practice of Zazen, to perhaps rise above?

[75:19]

No, I think the fourth characteristic is the basic characteristic. The basic characteristic is the other-dependent character, which is that there's something about a human body and human history that has led us to use a sitting posture. The fact that the Buddha was sitting in that posture and the fact that you can sit that way a lot and not get really, you know, sick. But you can't eat ice cream all day long. And, you know, but everybody, if they work with their body in that way, I think we'll be able to move sort of from cross-legged to chair to lying down. One of the things that attracted me to this training thing is I thought, this is something I could do all the way till death.

[76:32]

In other words, to use the body in this way. So, it doesn't have to actually be a particular posture, but the point is we decided to use the body without adding or subtracting anything to it, but also not rejecting, for example, So we allow respiration, and we also allow breaks, but the basic practice is not really, it's just working with the body as this other dependent phenomena, and noticing how we have dreams of it, and realizing how it's free of our dreams. And there's something about choosing the place to apply this teaching. The teaching comes to us through our mind and is applied to our body. And then, of course, from there is applied to our mind again. So there's something about the karma of human beings that has led us to choose this thing.

[77:36]

And, you know, Sometimes I look at people sitting and I just think it's amazing that they're sitting there. And I don't think they're all sitting there just because they think they're supposed to. Maybe some of them are like, oh, I'm supposed to be sitting here. But sometimes it seems like they really actually, it's like they're really alive doing this thing. And there's something about the karma of our species that makes this sitting practice a really good focus. And even other groups who have somewhat different understandings or somewhat different rituals, and other religions too, they sit or kneel. There's something about engaging the body in a way that promotes mindfulness, and compassion, and generosity.

[78:38]

So all those practices, they help this working with the body, and the body supports those practices. One of Suzuki Roshi's students said, if Suzuki Roshi practiced standing on his head, we'd all be standing on our head. Maybe so. If Suzuki Roshi practiced eating ice cream, maybe so. It's possible. But there's something about the karma is that he really did like ice cream. As a matter of fact, he really did like it. As a matter of fact, after he was diagnosed with his cancer, he said, now I can eat. But before that, he was somewhat careful of it. Not to eat too much. And I just want to, one other Sukhriyasi quote is that zazen is the great tenderizer. It tenderizes everything.

[79:41]

I think, you know, I feel that's happening now in this intensive and in sesshins that as we get into the schedule and we start to sip, our bodies become more kind of tender and raw, which is kind of hard, but it's also... it's good to make the body tender. And this sitting posture really promotes tenderizing the body. Whereas, I don't know if eating ice cream tenderizes the body. I mean, maybe a little bit of ice cream now and then probably helps the process. You know? The right amount. But some people, without eating any ice cream, if they just sit... long enough, they become very tender. Almost everybody, if they sit long enough, they become very tender. With a little ice cream here and there. Just ice cream by itself, I haven't seen it, but maybe some master has figured out a way to do the tenderization process with ice cream.

[80:49]

Yes? Did you have your hand raised? Yes? So, about this question, Can we actually say and believe I aspire to Buddha? As you mentioned the other day, there's a prescription against claiming enlightenment. Yeah. I think that that's very strong in our tradition. And that for many years there was almost no talk about enlightenment, being enlightened. And I think that that has really colored my attitude. So it's very difficult, I think, to say, I aspire toward this thing that is kind of like the unmentionable. And then to say, but yes, I aspire toward it.

[81:54]

Yeah. It's part of the background that makes the quote. And I understand that. Thank you. Yes? Who wants to have their hand raised? You have food? You did? Are you still wanting to make a contribution? I wanted to let Tracy know that in case you were imagining that I'm one of the cool ones, I don't know if you would. You know, from the time I raised my hand when I was feeling cool until now, I'm flooded with fear. I'm greatly frightened. And I don't know why. But a lot of times I don't talk because this happens to me. I get really scared. I don't see any basis for fear.

[82:59]

I'm not afraid of people here. I'm just scared. I've been worse at it. I'm just so angry. I want you to remember that. You are... I did want to tell a story. Maybe I can tell it now. Okay. This is the old man. A long time ago, there was a shosan ceremony, and I was there, and you were in the chair. Some younger rep was there? And a woman came talking about forgiveness, and she said, I can't forgive my mother.

[84:06]

I hate my mother. And I was really... I was kind of stunned by that. I had a hard time with my own mother. And you said to us, do you all hate her mother? And raise your hand if you hate her mother. Nobody raised their hand. And then you said, do you feel compassion for her mother? And we all raised our hand. And you said to her, compassion. It's all of us. And I feel that Buddha is the same way. It's not anybody. It's all of us. And I don't feel alone when I remember that. It's right here. Thanks for the story.

[85:13]

Yes, John. A little understanding of sentimental compassion. Yes. Yeah. The thing is we could find another level of compassion as not being as specific as need and being that help proposed a Elements, yeah. Well, that's like when you actually understand that a human personality, for example, is all the different data that you use. A sense of a person is these five aggregates. Those are elements. And there's other forms of analysis too, but that's just one example. That being a person, which is sometimes seen as a unity, as a thing that exists as such, is really, you know, if you try to come up with any data on it or some evidence that there's something there, it's feelings, feelings,

[86:29]

It's sense organs responding with sense data, it's images, perceptions, it's consciousness, and all kinds of mental factors like greed, confusion, fear, concentration, distraction, many types of emotional states, and feelings, pain and pleasure and neutral sensation. You start to see yourself and also understand your environment also as elements. You start to loosen this habit of seeing things as existing on their own as they appear. So that cures you of your sentimental relationship and what things are. But there's still some duality in it. So you're letting go of some thought of personality, for instance, in the person that you're helping.

[87:35]

Yeah, you're letting go of... Of... Yeah, that's part of it. But also you're basically... I basically understand the person also is the same as you. but they're also made of elements, and your relationship's made of elements, and so it loosens your previous ... compassion is. You kind of give it up, but there's still some sense of that there's something that, even that these elements are out there on their own, there's still some sense of object being separate from word or separate from worry. There's still not understanding that everything's mind. And that's the third kind of compassion, which is similar to what Phu was talking about. It's not my compassion or your compassion.

[88:36]

It's actually our inconceivable relationship is what it is, which, of course, no traps or snares can grasp that enlightenment. But we can make ourselves available to it if we become really, really tender. And tender to the all-being, compassionate, tender to the teaching. Was there... Yes? It is very compassionate. It's the one with unconditional love. Does unconditional love have no object? No. I'd be okay to say that you can use them as synonyms. What I mean by unconditional love is not just that I love no matter what. I love even when there's no what. I love even though I don't know what it is. That's what you mean by unconditional love. I think that's a synonym. You can use it that way.

[89:37]

Was there any other people that I didn't call? Yes. Could I just make a brief comment? Yes, yes. This idea of meeting old reps. So I've had that experience at this retreat that four people have expressed some concern to me asking if I'm doing okay. And I think that with this little idea, last year came to the retreat hoping to work on relaxation, kind of the... My Dharma name is Striding Mountain Playful Seat, so nice to stride. And so I was working on that all year. And so it's actually something you may not recognize, which is what I look like when I'm relaxed. So it's funny because I feel really good. So if anyone's concerned that we remixed on the past, You can just know that she's not here anymore. And I think that this is what I have aspired to.

[90:40]

Relaxing and striving. Thank you. Caroline. I think the word relax is used in many different ways. And I've been thinking a lot about what relax might be. It would seem that even the government gave real cables, hooks, hold the relaxation in the spiel, but the bell holds the sound, and yet it's firm. And beautiful. And beautiful. Yeah. Is there a character that describes relaxation? A Chinese character? Yes. As a matter of fact, there is. Would anybody else like to show it to us? Would anybody else like? Yes. Did you say would I like to show it? I would love to show it. However... I can't remember it. And I don't want to write it wrong. So... It's pronounced in Japanese, N-Y-U.

[92:06]

And... It's exactly... It actually is the university. Isn't that amazing? And my... My dear wife and I sent our daughter to that university, but she didn't want to study. She liked New York, though. She liked NYC. That's it. This is another way, this is a more rigid way to write it. You could still go here to a few more.

[93:19]

She loves her machine. It writes it for you. So it's got new. And this is a wonderful character because another character which is shin, new shin, which means relaxed or supple, flexible mind. And there's a dialogue between Dogen Zenji and Ru Jing, or Nyojo, where Dogen Zenji says, what's new shin? What's the relaxed mind of the bodhisattva? What's the bodhisattva's new shin? Which you can find in some sutras, but anyway, so Dogen's asking Nyojo Zenji, and Nyojo Zenji says, willingness to let body and mind drop away. You could also say it's the aspiration for body and mind to drop away.

[94:31]

You can also say it's the aspiration of goodhood. The flexible mind, the mind that's going to let go of everything. Simone? Yeah, I think, you know, I will try to find out. Yeah, it probably, it's in citrus, so it probably is a Sanskrit original or Pali original. I'll try to find it, but I don't know what it is. There is a Sanskrit word which is called prashrabdhi, prashrabdhi, which means flexible. So one of the characteristics that I mentioned of the concentrated mind is focused, it's one-pointed. The main definition that's usually given for a concentrated mind is citta ekagata.

[95:32]

Citta ekagata. which is consciousness. I'm not writing it the proper way. These would be combined. Eka is one. Chikta eka gata. Which means one-pointedness of mind. That's one of the main definitions. I think they write it G. I think it's eka gata. Maybe it's K, I don't know. I'll check that too. But anyway, one point is in mind. But another quality of a concentrated mind is . I discuss that also in the book. chapter on meditation.

[96:39]

So it's the mind that's willing to let go and it's the mind so we need a soft, relaxed, concentrated mind and then study things and then we're willing to let them just drop away. But I don't the word that's translated as, you know, Mewshian. I don't know what the original is. It might be related to this. Are we... Yes. I've been... ...lately, yeah. But I truly appreciate... ...and open as I often... because I'm not sure I know what I'm talking about. I actually think that I don't know what I'm talking about. And so I'll preface it with that. One of the first teachings that I heard when I was a child was that the three principles, impermanence, nobody self, and suffering.

[97:50]

Those are the three truths. And so I get confused or conflicted when there's nobody self and yet there's such a or enthusiasm, I often hear around 3-year-olds, you know, self-care and self-care and self-care. And oftentimes I get very tense and need to learn to relax a little bit without consuming the self-care when I know that it's bigger than it is. So I'm wondering about, in this whole idea, like, to set itself and to forget itself. So what is the self? And this is really not clear about if there is a self, why would we spend so much time investigating it if it's a thing? It's not so much that there is no self, it's just that there's no potential self. no permanent self. There is the appearance of a self, but as I was just talking to John about before, if you take care of the self, you'll realize that there's not something substantial about it.

[98:54]

But we tend to, our mind tends to give rise to an idea of a self, an independently existing self. There's no self like that. But there is the appearance of like... you know, like the appearance of a Sarah or a Rep, right? But if you look at that, then you find out, well, actually, that's actually made of elements. And if you take care of those phenomena in a kind way that promotes you being able to understand that this person is not a substantial person. You can't really find this person when you look carefully. If you look superficially, you think, oh, if you look more deeply, if I look more deeply, if you look more deeply, more and more we can't find Sarah. But it's not that you're not there at all. It's just that there's nothing independent about you or me.

[99:57]

And we need to be in order to realize forgetting ourself. So if you wonder what self to study, well, study your feelings, study feelings, study ideas, study sensory events, study attitudes, study emotions. Those are the things that make up as a person. So practice compassion towards all those phenomena and that sets up a situation in which we can understand the teachings better about the nature of our existence. Thank you. You're welcome. I very much work with, I don't know, looking at this into the past. And yet I wonder how and where and what, I mean, the karma that makes... Because everyone has such different lives, different stories, different behaviors, that the karma that causes us are interacting?

[101:03]

Yeah. I mean, that's what we're working to get rid of, so that we can see each other beyond that. It's not so much to get rid of it, but to be free of it. But we... So, somehow, in our stories... ...that we're receiving stories of kindness and then we try to practice stories of kindness and that promotes this understanding that these are stories and not to take them too, you know, too literally, too seriously. eventually then become free of our stories, but we don't actually want to exactly get rid of them. We just want to become free of them, because to try to get rid of them gives them too much reality. You know, you can't really get rid of something that exists, really. And you really can't get rid of something that doesn't exist, really.

[102:04]

But you can become free of things that don't really exist. And that proposes a possibility for us, is to become free of these things that don't really exist, like our ideas of everything are not everything, but we don't try to get rid of everything, just to become free of our ideas of everything, to abandon our ideas of our life and enter our actual life. All this wonderful practice going on. Yes. Did you want to say something, Sonia? Sonia, did you want to say something? This might be a regression, and maybe you've answered it, but... I'm wondering, with that potion of your using Buddha, Buddhahood, and Bodhisattva, which is

[103:13]

something solid, you know, kind of entity which is really made up of parts called ethics or generosity or characteristics, you know, that feel or have an actual practice. I mean, I understand it's terrible, but something that I can... that I can take the consent, though, and actually, when I'm walking around, work with that. So with the language, with Sattva or Buddha, I feel like I can speak translation processes. And I wonder a lot. I wonder what the function is using that rather than actual qualities or characteristics that are parts that are actually... Did you say rather than? Yeah, I don't think rather than.

[104:17]

I think and. And then say what the qualities of bodhisattvas are. So you hear me saying that a lot. Yes, I agree. But I also talk about the qualities a lot. I talk about giving, ethics, patience, enthusiasm, concentration and wisdom. I talk about, I talk a lot. But it's not rather than. It's just that you can say bodhisattva and then you can say a lot about their characteristics. And I wish to do both. Is that like bodhisattva, a way of saying something without having to say a bunch of other stuff, you know, that is a torture? Actually, all words are like that. All words are some things you don't, instead of a lot of other stuff.

[105:23]

All words are restrictive. Restrictive. There are things to... ways of pointing in this complex world which we have sort of made it. So, I'm willing to deal with ideas in order to help us become free of ideas. Just one more check. So, when you put up your aspiring, is that... is that a way of... Well, some people... Buddha is a past participle of awakening. So awakening is when you awaken to this unconditioned compassion.

[106:33]

So you can say unconditioned... Unconditioned compassion is like it is according to... It's what's happening. Compassion is reality. Buddha is having awakened to that reality. So Buddha is awakening to this wisdom and compassion. The wisdom and compassion is already there. The way is all-pervading. Now we're talking about wake up to it, and then that's called bodhi. Waking up to it is bodhi. And the one who woke up is Buddha. So Buddha is somebody who woke up to the reality and now is telling us about it. Bodhisattvas are reality, and they get to tell a little bit too. And then there's the reality. which is there, but we have to practice it, and those who've awoken to us that give us instructions of how to practice in such a way as to realize this unconditional love, perfect wisdom, and so on.

[107:38]

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