It seems to me that we are about, we have just set off on what will probably be for most of us quite a week. Quite a journey. And I want to make a connection with you right off and make you feel comfortable as possible with what's about to happen. I want to tell you that I really don't know anything.

[01:16]

I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know where we're going. And I don't think anybody else does either. I don't know anything about Zen. I don't know really anything about Buddhism. However, I'm very enthusiastic about Zen and completely devoted to the Buddha way. So if you see me speaking with a lot of enthusiasm and commitment and joy, you might think I know something. And since you might... look at yourself and realize that you don't know anything, you might think that I know something and you don't, and there's something wrong with you.

[02:19]

I don't want to, I could, but I don't want to say every other sentence, I don't know anything. I don't want to say that over and over. It's just, you know, I don't want to do it. But you should understand and remember that I don't know anything. And it's up to you whether you want to remember that you don't know anything. Although I don't know anything, ladies and gentlemen, I am here. Right here. And I'm willing to go ahead with you through birth and death. I have confidence in our Buddha nature.

[03:30]

I don't think we need to know anything. All we have to do is care about each other completely and not be afraid and think we do need to know something. We have a schedule of events for the next few days.

[04:44]

If you have any questions about it, it's posted outside on a piece of paper. And if you don't understand that, you can ask the Eno what it means. Anyway, it's a limitation on our life today. And if you follow that schedule and sit on your place, you'll also notice that you have a limitation of a body and a mind. And sometimes accepting this limitation during this week and for the rest of your life, sometimes it's very difficult to accept how limited we are. As Suzuki Roshi says, a human being is a human being. And this may be rather difficult for us.

[05:49]

But we can only enjoy our life through our limitations. So again, right off, I want to say, please feel free to enjoy yourself from the onset of this retreat. Don't wait for some wonderful experience before you decide it's okay to be completely full of joy. Don't wait until your pain evaporates before you feel blessed beyond your wildest dreams. Right now, it's okay to start enjoying your life and having a ball following this schedule, sitting still in the middle of all the pain that's probably going to come up.

[06:56]

Anyway, it's going to come up. You might as well enjoy it. And if you can enjoy the pain, you might even be able to enjoy when the pain goes away. So at the beginning I say the most important point is to completely accept your limitation. If you can completely accept your limitation, that's all you have to do.

[08:05]

If you're attached to your body, I say be completely attached to it. This is non-attachment. I wonder if there's anybody right now who's already started to be completely attached to her body or his body. If so, great. I think probably every person in this room is attached to his or her body. Why not admit it and go all the way with this attachment? This is what the Buddhas do. They are just completely attached.

[09:13]

And therefore, they are completely free. The first order of business is stability. This is a quote from a little conference I went to earlier this week with business leaders. And there's a kind of pun there. The first order of business is stability, and that actually applies here, of course, but actually in business. The first order of business in business is stability. Nothing is possible without stability. Again, stability is you being willing to sit in your body and mind.

[10:22]

Single-minded devotion to just having the body that you have. Single-minded devotion to having the thoughts and feelings and perceptions which you have in this moment. And I'll also say, as a possibility anyway, I don't want to make the impression that this is a rigid thing, but I will suggest to you that you will only be able to do this if it is a joy.

[11:46]

In one sense, you might say, if you would totally devote yourself to being where you are and being who you are, you will be released from being where you are and being who you are. This, I think, is the teaching. However, even before you're able to completely be where you are, if you aren't enjoying this, if it isn't a joy, you won't be able to go all the way. This guy is a businessman who said that the first order of business is stability. He also said, everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die. Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

[13:00]

And then, Driving around the car afterwards, I heard some doctor say, quoting Woody Allen, I don't mind dying. I just don't want to be there when it happens. In fact, we're dying every moment, but we don't want to be there when it happens. The place where we're really limited is exactly where we die. And if we're willing to be completely limited, we'll be there when we die. But we don't want to be there when we die. The first order of business is stability, is to accept the limitations that are given to us.

[14:07]

This limitation has complete significance for our life. This doctor who said that everybody who quoted Woody Allen and said, I don't mind dying, I just don't want to be there when it happens, He was on a program talking about the benefits of laughter, especially the laughter which shakes the organs. The non-thinking organ-shaking of full-bodied laughter. Now, my experience is it's harder to get people to laugh on the first day of Sashin than the last or the sixth.

[15:30]

I didn't think I would be able to get anybody to laugh this morning because we're sitting at the edge of our body of pain. We're sitting at the edge of this limitation of entering into what we know is going to be difficult. So we're a little tense and frightened. We're not ready. We don't want to laugh yet. After we get there and are pretty well settled, then we'll dare to laugh. But this doctor mentioned, and of course I don't know if this is true and neither does he, but he said, the average baby before one year laughs 200 times a day. Babies have a lot of pain. They also cry some number. I didn't say what the number of that is. Probably they cry 8,000 times a day before one year.

[16:36]

But they also laugh, apparently, 200 times a day. Babies are not without suffering. If you watch their face, they go from agony to ecstasy in a moment, back and forth. Look at their face after they finish nursing. Look at them a few seconds before and after. Maybe you'll see agony. And then laughter. The average adult, according to this, they call these people experts, according to this expert, was the average number of times a day adults laugh is 12. Have you reached your quota today? It's hard to laugh during seshin. But during the Dharma talks, a time when it's quite permissible, so don't worry.

[17:40]

But during sitting, you feel like you're not supposed to laugh out loud, right? Supposed to be quiet, quiet meditation, silent meditation. But laughter's okay. It's not really talking. On some night, I think Saturday night or something, I went to the movies and I saw a, what do you call it, a sequel to the story of Peter Pan. It's actually called Hook is the name of the movie and the star of it is Captain Hook instead of Peter Pan. But Peter Pan's there.

[18:42]

But the Peter Pan in this story is a Peter Pan... a later Peter Pan. Who here does not know the story of Peter Pan? Who doesn't know the story? Well, it's going to be hard to tell you the whole story. But anyway, there's this person named Peter Pan... And he's a boy who's always a boy. What we call a Puerh Eternus, right? The eternal boy. And he lives in a place called Never Never Land. And... One of the things which I think Peter Pan says is, I'll never grow up.

[19:48]

And when Norman Fisher gave his first talk when he was head monk here, talking about his life story, I think he said something like, at one point in his life, he decided that he would never grow up. And he still feels that way, I think, the latest I heard. And if I may say what I think he meant by I'll never grow up, I think he meant I'll never give up the dream that is possible to be a bodhisattva, to be somebody who could actually do something so far out, so fantastic as to devote her life to the welfare of all beings, who could actually not grow up and be too busy to spend time with his kids. Is that fair, Norman? That's it?

[20:55]

So this story is about Robin Williams, who is playing the part of Peter Pan in this movie. So it's a story of Peter Pan who grew up. Or Penny Pan that grew up. Anybody here not know who Robin Williams is? Nobody doesn't know who Robin Williams is? One person. Two people. Lloyd, you don't know who Robin Williams is? Hey. So the same number of people don't know who Robin Williams is as don't know who Peter Pan is. Well, Robin Williams is a guy who came here about six years ago to do a Yoga Zen workshop with me and a yoga teacher.

[22:01]

And I went around the room to introduce myself to these participants. And I said, how do you do? My name's Reb Anderson. And he said, how do you do? My name's Robin Williams. And then later at dinner, somebody said to me, we're waiting for our buffet feast. And someone said, is that Robin Williams? And I said, yes. And they said... I thought that was him. And I said, well, why did you ask me if you thought that was him? The woman said, because it looks like him. And I said, well, I don't understand why you're asking me if it's Robin Williams, if it looks like him. And we went back and forth like this several times. And I said, well, oh, she said, well, I've seen him in some, I forgot how she said it, but I said, well, Anyway, I said, why are you asking me if it's Robin Williams, if you know that it's Robin Williams?

[23:04]

She said, well, because I went around and around like that. Finally, I said, well, is he an entertainer or something? She said, yeah, he makes movies. So that was 1986, Lloyd. And then after that conversation was over, the person standing next to me said, welcome to 1986, Reb. Welcome to 1991, Lloyd. He's quite a famous movie maker now. Anyway, in this movie he's playing Robin Williams, playing Peter Pan. So what happened was that Robin, who never grew up, would come back to visit the world of people who kept growing up. He'd come back from Neverland to visit London. and visit people who kept aging. And one of the ladies in the story of Peter Pan, that he were one of his consorts, was named Wendy Darling.

[24:15]

And she kept growing up. And at a certain point, she couldn't go back with him anymore because she forgot how to fly. He had to fly from London to Never Never Land. through the stars but then in this story finally Wendy had children and then she had grandchildren and one time Peter came back and he saw one of Wendy's grandchildren and he wanted to kiss her but in Neverland the way you kiss I guess is to give a thimble or something you give somebody a thimble that's the way you kiss they don't have this you know lip kissing but finally he wanted to kiss the lips And he kissed her in the lips, and then he started growing up. And he married her, and by the time of this movie, he had reached the age of about 40, 45. And he had children, and he was a, what do you call it, a businessman, one of those guys who leverages out.

[25:19]

He's one of these guys that does hostile takeovers. Anybody not know what a hostile takeover is? So he became a big tough guy, but also he had so busy taking over companies that he didn't have time to spend with his own children. So one of the inhabitants of Never Never Land, the arch villain, the shadow person, comes and abducts his children and takes them to Never Never Land. So he has to go. back to Never Never Land to retrieve his children. However, he also can't remember how to fly anymore. He has to be carried himself. But the point that I want to bring up first of all is that he couldn't remember who he was.

[26:24]

And I say to us too, I don't think we can remember who we are. The reason why we can't remember who we are is usually called, the reason for it is called ancient twisted karma. By being busy for many years, we have forgotten who we are. The antidote now for this is to work on accepting the limitations that have accumulated due to our actions.

[27:38]

And in the process of accepting our limitations and developing stability in the midst of our limitations, we have the chance of remembering who we are. And when we remember who we are, we often laugh. And all the laughs we do actually are little remembrances of who we are. and our little forgettings who we aren't. Little forgettings of this person who grew up and forgot. But then we remember again and go back to being someone who takes herself seriously. someone who thinks he knows what's happening, or at least he better look like he does.

[28:51]

It seems to me that there are many kinds of dying. One kind of dying is to die of all other agendas besides just this. To die of all other agendas besides practicing this retreat. To drop Everything other than having this body, this mind. That's one kind of dying that occurs to me. And another kind comes as a gift to one who is willing to patiently accept what's happening.

[32:54]

So the teacher Ejo said, trust everything to inhalation and exhalation. Trust everything to inhalation and exhalation. And then throw your body and mind into the womb of light. The first part of his instruction can be responded to voluntarily. You can, if you wish, voluntarily trust everything to your breathing. Trust everything to your breathing body. The next part, throwing the body and mind into the womb of light, is not something you can voluntarily do, but it's something you can let happen.

[34:33]

We also have the expression in Zen, the story of climb to the top of a hundred foot pole and then take another step. Take another step forward from the top of a hundred foot pole. Right now, we are all standing on the top of a hundred foot pole. If you trust everything to your breath, you'll realize that's where you are. And then take a step forward from there. Throw your body and mind into the womb of light. Now, in the story of

[35:41]

Peter Pan, the adult who has forgotten how to fly, the adult Peter Pan who forgot how to fly, is told that if he can think a happy thought, he will be able to fly. And in one scene they put his body into a large slingshot and pull the rubber back, and just before they let go, they tell him to think a happy thought. They'll give him a start. And then if he thinks a happy thought, after he gets out of midair, he'll be able to fly. But he couldn't think of a happy thought. He tried, but he couldn't. Now, the idea that to think a happy thought will cause you to be able to fly,

[36:44]

will cause you to be able to walk off the end of a 100-foot pole. It's a little bit manipulative. So if you try to think a happy thought and then try to walk in midair, that won't work. But if you do think a happy thought, you will be able to. The point is that although that's a requirement, you can't make the requirement appear. But it does appear to one who accepts her situation. And then the happy thought automatically throws you into the womb of light, throws you into flying, throws you into singing and dancing madly in the mountains. The price of this gift is simply everything, is total devotion, trusting your whole life to your life, to your breath, to your body.

[38:09]

This seems difficult, however, because we think we have a choice. We think there's some alternative to being here, so we have a problem. And again, although I call it a problem, I need to find some way to see that this riddle is a joy to contemplate. How I'm going to encourage myself to give up the idea that I can be somewhere else and to be here. This is my joyful prospect. If it's not joyful, I'll only be able to beat myself into doing that for a certain amount of time. And in the end, I will give up. This practice must be beautiful and joyful from the beginning and in the middle and in the end and after it's over.

[39:38]

That's what it means to trust everything to your breath. This businessman, a black businessman from Oakland, in the middle of his talk, he also cited some words that are, he used some words that are floating around among the kids these days, which I think apply to what I'm talking about. One is a commercial saying from Nike Shoe Company,

[40:54]

I think you've heard it. It's called Just Do It. Just Do It. The other one is Get Your Act Together. Get Your Act Together. And another one is Hey, Get a Life. The kids are saying this stuff to each other. The adults are picking it up too. Get your actions together in one piece. Just do it. Get a life. And I want to again mention this right away.

[42:21]

And today I mention it in the context of limitation, and that is holding the mudra, the hand mudra. So I would suggest to you that you keep your mudra touching your abdomen below your navel. Keep it in contact with your abdomen while you're sitting. And also... If you feel and press the outside of your baby fingers against your abdomen, that may help you bring your arms away from your body so that you have a space under your armpits. Big enough for an egg, a chicken egg.

[43:25]

If you try to do this, Different people will have different experiences. Each of us will have a different experience of the limitation which such a practice entails. And I, speaking for myself, I don't always like to have to face the limitation that that additional effort tunes in. But I find that when I do it, it does really limit me to my limitation. I have a body already, a mind already, but that little extra effort of keeping that hand against the abdomen and the arms a little away from the body, my limitation.

[44:36]

I somehow have trouble accepting my hands in my lap with the same fullness as the hands in touch with the abdomen. I don't know why that is, but that's my experience. And from almost everybody I've talked to, it's the same. And again, I mentioned that I know it's quite difficult to do this because it is so extremely limiting to make that effort. And it tunes in other parts of your body, particularly your shoulders, upper back and neck, start sometimes to hurt because if there's tension up there and you hold your hands this way there may be a problem so I I don't I don't suggest that you you know with a lot of tension and roughness that you force yourself to hold your hands there if it starts to hurt in other parts of your body

[45:39]

it's okay to relax and come back later to that effort. It's quite difficult to get that limited. The body often reacts and fights back when we get into a very limited situation. Also, as I mentioned before, I heard a yoga teacher say once, If you stay in any posture long enough, you will start to feel uncomfortable. So the longer you stay in the posture and the more specifically you're in it, the sooner you will probably realize you're uncomfortable. And we don't like to look at that. There's another limitation. So again, part of the trick here is to balance the effort between being limited and reactions to that and try to make the most joyful treaty among these different forces.

[46:55]

Most people that make this effort find it very rewarding. And by this effort I mean that last one of the hand mudra thing but of course I also mean sitting on your cushion and following the schedule and so on and so forth. This is just one more in a long list of limitations. This is just to top it off and to finish the picture of all the other limitations that you are consciously, willingly accepting this week to help us develop stability and to pay the price which will let us die.

[48:06]

and be reborn in the memory of who we are. So, the way it looks to me is that as a result of this talk, you're all sitting there pretty seriously. With all due respect, I'm a little bit afraid of your seriousness, and I don't want to do anything disrespectful of you. Really, I don't. But at the same time, I think it's a little silly how sad you all look. Same time, I respect how polite you are just to have sat here all this time and not be dancing like you probably would like to be doing.

[49:16]

So I thank you for your patience and excellent Zen manners. At the same time, I feel that those of us who want to sing should sing, and those who don't want to sing, I think, in a way, should be subjected to some singing. So I'm sorry for those of you who don't want to sing, but I'd like to sing. Please forgive me. The song I'd like to sing is one that some of you already have sung and would like probably not to sing again. But still, I think it would be good to sing it. called the Red Red Robin. The Red Red Trush. The Red Red Trush. Okay, so could you please forgive me if you don't want to do this and just sing it anyway?

[50:23]

You don't have to sing it, but anyway, listen to it if you don't want to sing it. Ready? When the Red Red Robin comes I love There'll be no more silence when he starts from his own. Sweet song, wake up, wake up, you sleepyhead. Get up, get up, get out of the dead. Cheer up, cheer up, the sun is red. Live, love, let it be happy. Though I've been blue, now I'm walking through fields of flowers. Rain may glisten, but still I listen for hours and hours. I'm just a kid again, doing what I did again, singing a song.

[51:29]

When a red, red robin comes, bop, [...] bop.

[51:51]

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