Someone told me recently in the middle of a retreat that she had been asking herself, what am I doing here? I thought, this is a question which has been asked in this tradition for thousands of years. What am I doing here? What am I doing in... What am I doing in this meditation hall? What am I doing in this life? I've heard many stories from the ancient times of students asking themselves this question, and also students asking their teacher, and their teacher asking them, what are you doing here?

[01:18]

What are you here for in this life? I have a response which isn't an answer, it's just a response. And the response is that if I ask myself, what am I doing here, I am here to offer some teachings on the great vehicle. the path of realizing Buddhahood, of learning and fully engaging, verifying and realizing our deluded mind and thereby transforming it

[02:48]

is sometimes called the great vehicle. It is said in this tradition that Buddhas are those who are greatly enlightened in and about enlightenment, excuse me, in and about delusion. Buddhas are greatly enlightened in and about delusion. The process of studying delusion and realizing greatness in and about delusion is called Buddha's Bodhisattvas are also involved in this process of engaging and learning about what delusion is and enlightening it, being enlightened with it.

[04:22]

And their path is called the great vehicle. So I have committed this year to all the teachings which aid living beings, bodhisattvas and non-bodhisattvas, in this process of enlightening delusion, of enlightening confusion, giddy karmic consciousness. Bodhisattvas are ordinary living beings, just like, just as ordinary as other living beings. But they have great vows. They're ordinary living beings who have great vows.

[05:28]

They vow to live for the welfare of all beings. They vow to study the deluded mind of karma and realize Buddhahood for the welfare of all beings. And again, the path by which they realize this is a path which is for the sake of all beings and in inclusion. So it's called the great vehicle, the Mahayana in Sanskrit. So about a month ago I brought up a particular teaching about the path of liberating all beings.

[06:32]

And this teaching was composed about sixteen or seventeen hundred years ago in India by the great ancestor Asanga. And it's called Mahayana Samgraha. Which could be translated as summary of the Mahayana. Or summation of the Mahayana. When it was translated into Chinese, they used a character. which can be translated as a summary or a collection, but also means to embrace and sustain and nourish. But it also means to be embraced and sustained and nourished.

[07:44]

It means to guide and be guided. So, That Chinese translation would allow a variety of understandings. For example, this is a text for embracing and sustaining the great vehicle. This is a text for nurturing the great vehicle. This is a text for being embraced and sustained and nourished by the great vehicle of the bodhisattva. In this text, the ancestor Asanga offers a model of mind, a Mahayana model of mind. And the purpose of, again, the model of mind is it's something to study, learn about,

[08:46]

inquire about, contemplate. And this process of studying this model of mind has the potential to completely transform our deluded mind into what's called the mind of Buddha. To transform the mind, to allow the mind to understand the mind. The ancestor starts out by offering teachings on the support of all, the support of all the ways we know.

[10:06]

And he says that The support for the knowable, the support for is called alaya vijnana in Sanskrit, which is often translated as container consciousness or storehouse consciousness. Alaya is like in the word Hema or Hema, Alaya. Hema, Alaya. Hema is snow and Alaya is storehouse. The Himalayas are the storehouse. So this is the storehouse consciousness. And it's said that from beginningless time this realm of the storehouse consciousness is the support of all things.

[11:26]

Only if it exists do all the different forms of cyclic suffering exist. And only if it exists is there access to nirvana, to peace and freedom. Beings live in suffering, and so it's being said here that this consciousness is the basis for all our suffering. But if it weren't for this consciousness being the way it is, we would never be able to obtain freedom from suffering. But the very type of consciousness is such that there is access to suffering in the very mind which is the basis of suffering.

[12:28]

This is what this text on the Mahayana is going to try to teach us. So to summarize the summary I can say if we have the mind of delusion which is the source and the basis for all our suffering if we can fully engage it in that full engagement there is access to peace and liberation from the suffering which this mind supports. He goes on to say, the hidden ground upon which all things depend is the consciousness with all its seed.

[13:39]

Thus I call it the container consciousness. And I have taught this for superior persons. So please, without putting yourself above anyone, please be a superior person right now so that this teaching can be for you. Without putting ourselves above anybody, let's be superior by being ordinary. I propose to you that the great bodhisattvas, like the one sitting in the center of this room, who we call Manjushri Bodhisattva, the bodhisattva of transcendent wisdom, that this bodhisattva tells us, I am the most ordinary of all beings.

[14:44]

I am foremost in ordinariness. Because of my vows to live for the welfare of all beings, I do not resist being ordinary. And in the absolute non-resistance to ordinariness there is liberation from suffering. There is perfect wisdom. So it says, and I've taught this for superior persons, and I would say this is taught for ordinary people This is taught for ordinary people who wish their ordinary life to be for the welfare of all living beings.

[15:48]

That's who it's for. So, in a sense, if I'm studying these teachings, I want to be mindful as I'm studying them, am I studying them for the welfare of all beings? because it's for someone who lives for the welfare of all beings that these teachings are intended. If I'm not clear about that, perhaps I should continue to look inward and see, am I willing for this study at least? Maybe when I stop studying, I'll leave my study area and go out and live for my own welfare and forget about other people. right now while I'm studying these teachings, at least now, could I be doing this for the welfare of all beings? Again, I ask, what are we doing here?

[17:06]

We were having a meditation retreat a while ago. I believe it was February 1971 in San Francisco. And I think we started sitting at five in the morning and there was a wake-up bell. rung up and down the halls about a half an hour before sitting. That's when the wake-up bell was usually rung, about 4.30. But one day the person who rang the wake-up bell rung it at 3.30. And then somehow she realized that

[18:27]

It was 3.30. And stopped ringing the bell. And then went around the halls telling the people who were getting up for meditation. I rang the bell too early. Go back to bed. I myself was happy to do so. However, my door was open to my room, and my room was right next to Suzuki Roshi's room, the founder of Zen Center. And as I was sort of, I don't know, getting ready to go back to sleep, I saw him trotting by my door with his robes on, heading to the meditation hall. I don't know if the wake-up bell person told him to go back to bed or not.

[19:35]

But anyway, he went to the meditation. And with his attendant, his attendant didn't say, I'm going back to bed, see you later, Roshi. No, the attendant went with him. And they went into the zendo and sat together. Nobody came besides him and one other person who wasn't me. After some time, it appeared to him, I guess, that his dear students were not going to come and sit with him for whatever reason. So he left the Zendo, didn't go back to bed, he just went back to his room. And then about an hour later, or... whatever, the wake-up bell was rung again. Everybody got up and went to the hall and sat.

[20:38]

He got up and took his stick, his oak stick, no, maple stick. I don't know if he made that stick, but anyway, he was a very nice stick made of maple. I remember when I first saw him with it, he said, this stick is made from Belmont maple. Not to make fun of him, but by Belmont he meant Vermont. He took his Belmont maple stick, and he went over to me and hit me with all his might. And then he hit the next person, and the next person, and when he hit me, he went... By the time he finished, the last few people got very soft hits.

[21:57]

He was all tired. And he sat down and said something or other. And then he said, what are we doing here? Then the text says, why did the Buddha teach that this consciousness should be called container consciousness? And Asanga's answer is, because the results of defiled states of all living beings lie concealed and stored up in this consciousness as results of And because this consciousness lies concealed and stored up in all defiled states as cause.

[23:12]

It's the results of all our past karma. And it stores all of our past action. And also stored in all of our present action. It is stored and hidden in our present action. Our past action, our past karma is stored in our present karma and hidden in our present karma. We can't see our present karma. We can see our present karma, but we can't see our past karma in our present karma. It's hidden in our present karma as the cause of our present karma. And it is also hidden in our subconscious, and it stores the results of our present karma.

[24:26]

So it's a consciousness which is unconscious. It's a cognitive life. It's a condition which receives and carries and conveys all of our past action. and supports all of our present action. And our present action, right now our present action is being laid down in our past. Right now our present action is transforming our past. Our past can be transformed by the way our present action is cared for, by the way we let teachings come into our present consciousness, the way our present consciousness is affected by teaching.

[25:40]

And the teachings can come from our past and the teaching can come from someplace other than our past. The teaching can come from other consciousnesses than our own. And when our consciousness inter-subjectively receives teachings from other consciousnesses, And what other consciousnesses? Consciousnesses of those who had studied their mind and whose mind has been transformed so that they can offer teachings to our consciousness so it can be transformed. So by studying our own active consciousness

[26:48]

our past is transformed in a different way than if we don't study our present consciousness. So a key factor here is, what are we doing? Are we studying our own present active consciousness? By, for example, asking, am I doing what am I doing and when I say what am I doing and you hear me the teaching of what am I doing is transmitted to you to your active consciousness and if your active consciousness the teaching from the ancestors and also from people who live right now who ask that question When you ask that question, what am I doing, and I hear you, and I receive that, my consciousness, my active consciousness, is receiving the Dharma from you.

[28:03]

You can ask a question of yourself and tell me, and thereby transmit to me the teachings of the ancestors, because you are telling me the same question that they ask. I might forget to ask myself, what am I doing? So you say to me that you're wondering what you're doing or that you're wondering what I'm doing. If I receive that and I'm aware of that, my active consciousness, which is supported by my past action, by the results of my past action, is transformed and that transforms my past action. so that even if you're not asking me or some teacher's not asking me, what are you doing? You're telling me that you're asking yourself. Because you asked me and I received it and that transformed my past, now my past can support the question to come up in me and I can think it and I can say it to you and you

[29:19]

You can be transformed. And in this way, we intra-psychically, we inwardly are transformed, and we are interpersonally, interpsychically transformed. This text teaches an evolution, transformation, together with an interpersonal transformation. intersubjective evolution. Sometimes we say Zen has two aspects. One aspect is called just sitting and the other one is called going to the teacher and listening to the teaching or asking about the teaching. One is the intra-contemplation and the other is the inter-subjective, inter-personal contemplation.

[30:29]

Where you go to the teacher and ask, you can ask the teacher, what's the intra-psychic evolution? Personally asking, what's going on with you teacher? Are you meeting with me right now for the welfare of all beings, teacher? And the teacher can say the same to us. this summary of Mahayana, embracing and sustaining of Mahayana, teaches this consciousness, and then it also teaches that this consciousness has, it's of three types, or three differentiations of this consciousness.

[31:43]

One is the propensity for language. The other is the propensity for the view or belief in an independent self. And the third is in terms of the factors of existence as portrayed in the twelve-fold process of dependent co-arising. This is taught in the first chapter of this text. And after teaching these three types of storehouse consciousness in terms of these three types of propensities, then he says it's also a four-type. And I'm just going to tell you the fourth type right now.

[32:45]

And the fourth type is the storehouse consciousness in terms of its characteristics. And its characteristics are twofold. Common characteristic and uncommon characteristic. The common characteristic of the storehouse consciousness is the physical world. The receptacle world. The uncommon characteristic of the storehouse consciousness is the sense fields of living beings. Those are the two characteristics of this consciousness. In another text, actually a text written by Asanga's brother, younger brother, whose name is Vasubandhu,

[33:50]

They had the same mother, but different fathers. And they were both able to write wonderful teachings for us. And one of Vasubandha's most important writings is called the treasure... It's also called a storehouse. It's called the Abhidharma Kosha. And the higher, the quotient means like storehouse or treasure house. So it's the treasure house of the higher teaching. This is one of his works. And in the third chapter, the third chapter of that book called The Worlds, and he describes the various worlds that living beings live in. And these, the world he's describing are the world's as experienced, or the world of phenomena as we experience them.

[35:01]

Six kinds of worlds. But these are six different ways that living beings experience life. And that they're actually, thus, their body and mind is the world they live in. And the individual take on the world is one of the characteristics of this storehouse consciousness. The other characteristic is the actual physicality of the world, as experienced. And then in the next chapter, Bhavsu Bandhu says, where did these worlds come from? And his answer is, they come from the collective karma of all beings.

[36:02]

And that's what the storehouse consciousness is. It is the results of the past karma of all beings. is right now making a contribution to this storehouse consciousness. And this storehouse, our storehouse consciousness or the storehouse consciousness has the common characteristic, it has the characteristic of the physical world where we live together. And the way the physical world appears to be similar for us The way it's similar for us and different for flies, for example, or cockroaches, or snakes, or tigers. The way they live in the physical world with us, they seem to sense that they live in the physical world with us.

[37:10]

They see us and they think we're in the same world as them. They have their world and they think we're getting too close or too far. Our world and we think they're getting too close or too far. We think they live in our world, they think we live in their world. So we do share a physical world with all these different beings. But there's a difference in the way we see the world and characteristic. That our own physical sense of it is another characteristic of this storehouse consciousness But there can be in our individual take on this physical world, depending on whether our karma is similar. And a key factor for us human beings which seems to be different from is we have language.

[38:22]

And our language is one of the most important types of action we do. It's that proclivity or predisposition or propensity to speak for language, to speak. That propensity to speak that way is because we have a We're settled into a consciousness which is settled into a body that has the propensity for conventional designation. And because of that, we live in the same physical world as other human beings. But we live in this, and we see the physical world in similar ways. Like most, a lot of human beings would say, this is a building. I have a feeling that flies don't think this is a building. Most of us think that what I'm touching here is my cheek.

[39:32]

Whereas most flies don't think this is a cheek. They think it's a shopping center. Or a pleasure palace. or a candy store and the other flies agree with them similar karma and we don't agree with them because we have different karma from them so we pretty much agree it's a cheek on a human What we think, what we say, the words we use are based on our past verbal karma.

[40:34]

English is based on past attempts to speak English. And those past attempts to speak English transformed the mind which contains the attempts, all action of speaking. Everything I speak transforms my past. My past then supports my ability to speak. But I can't see how my past speech, how my past makes it possible for me to speak English. I can't see that. But it's proposed that it is because I have spoken English in the past or attempted to, all those attempts and all those successes in speaking English are now here.

[41:43]

My past is now here supporting my present ability to speak English. But I can't see how. and I can't see how my present speaking is transforming my past right now, will be the source upon which I may be able to speak English in a minute or so. Now we think, because many of us think, that speaking English will result in the ability to speak English in the future. can't see how. The way it actually works is that right now, unconsciously, we have this vast field or storehouse full of seeds which support the ability to speak English. And this same storehouse which supports the ability to speak English creates the physical world.

[42:49]

Being aware that my speaking English transforms my past right now is also to be aware of the possibility that the way I speak English and the way I take care of my activity of speaking English transforms the physical world. So we're all responsible for the world we live in. And how we care for our past karma has created this world. Mine and yours and all beings, all of our karma makes this world. We're all responsible. Which tells us that. And if we receive that teaching, it changes our past and supports us to remember that every action transforms the world. And that action that remembers that every action transforms the world in the direction of understanding our deluded mind, of awakening to our deluded mind.

[44:12]

I cannot control whether or not, I cannot control what words I say. I seem to be able to speak English, but I'm actually not in control of what I'm saying. When I say I, my conscious mind is not in control of what the conscious mind is doing. The conscious mind is not in control of the conscious mind. You, all of you, together with past karma of this mind, controls what the active conscious mind is doing. There's no me here who's controlling what he's saying. What is being said here is supported by a vast unconscious reservoir of seeds which are the results of inconceivably great number of past actions and your presence right now influencing this consciousness.

[45:17]

So I'm not in however I'm also not in control of remembering the teaching that what I do think and what I do say is the pivot through which the world turns towards awakening or towards more and more unattended, uncontrolled delusions. So this text that I'm just telling you a little bit about today in which I vow to continue to use in the ongoing enterprise of studying delusion and for the sake of enlightening delusion this text is saying what we think

[46:23]

and how we care for our verbal activity is vitally important even though we cannot control our current karma. If I speak to you now receiving the teaching that what I say transforms the world and how I say it and how I care for it transforms the world. That transforms the world in a certain way. If I remember these teachings, and I can't control whether I remember them or not, right now that when I do remember them, they transform the world towards the great vehicle. This is the seed which has been transmitted to us by the Buddhas and which is maturing in us. It has the potential for evolution and transformation of our wonderful deluded karmic consciousness.

[47:27]

Which is so powerful and so important and can do so much to make us worse or more peaceful and happy. I cannot control myself into continual mindfulness of what I'm doing, of what are you doing. I cannot control my active consciousness into contemplating if the action right now is for the welfare of all beings. I cannot. And yet, here I am talking about it. And here I am contemplating it. Because of you, and because of the Buddhas and Bodhisattvas, I'm talking about this. And because of you in the past, or people like you in the past, because of your ancestors, in the past I've asked this question.

[48:41]

And asking this question has now the support for asking the question again. Suzuki Roshi asked this question in 1971. Master Ma asked the question in 862. Shirtou asked Yaoshan this question in 748. People have been asking this question. This question has been transmitted. What's going on with your active consciousness? Are you caring for it? Do you realize how important that you're contemplating and taking care of what you're thinking and what you're saying, do you realize that this is the pivot for peace in this world? Each of us has this thing to take care of. This text is saying, here's the pivot, and here's what happens if you don't, and here's what happens if you do.

[49:45]

I don't know the date of this conversation, but I believe it was in the Tang Dynasty. A monk asked a Zen teacher, both language and silence are involved in alienation and vagueness. Is that clear? When you speak, when we speak, when there's verbal karma, there's some alienation there. There's some separation involved in speaking. And there's also some consciousness, there's also some vagueness or some obscurity in speaking. And in silence, you can't avoid the alienation. There's alienation even in silence. And there's plenty of vagueness in silence.

[51:12]

So either way, things are unclear or alienating. How can we avoid transgressing? How can we get through speaking karma or even being silent without veering into alienation or vagueness? And the Zen master said, I always think in March. The partridges are chirping in the hundred grasses of your karmic consciousness. The welfare of the world depends on how we take care of it. And as Smokey the Bear said, only you, supported by all beings, can enlighten delusion.

[52:34]

Yes, Jackie? Jackie? I really enjoyed your talk. Thank you very much. There was one part I was not clear about. This is the part about I'm not in control of what I do or what I say and how that related to start-ups consciousness. So she's referring to me saying something about The way she phrased it, which I'm okay with, I'm not in control of what I say or my physical postures. You could also add, I'm not in control of what I think. Those are three kinds of karma. Thought, spirit, and mind. So I propose that I am not in control of that.

[53:43]

Put I aside and just say the conscious mind is not in control of the conscious mind. The deluded mind is not in control of the deluded mind. And the deluded mind is not in control of the past. However, the deluded mind, every time a deluded mind arises, it transforms the past. simultaneously with its arising. In the next moment, the past, which includes the contribution from the previous moments of deluded thought, the past arises to support another deluded mind. And that mind does not cause itself to arise. It arises depending on the past, which is present supporting it. And the past is unconscious to the conscious deluded mind.

[54:49]

Now, if in the past the deluded mind thought about teachings, like if somebody went up to you and said, hello, would you like to hear a teaching? And somehow your past supported you to say yes. You're not in control of saying yes, but somehow your past allows you to say yes, and also somebody offered it to you, so you could say yes. But you didn't... I did not control you in saying, yes, I would like to hear some teachings. But maybe you do say yes. And when you say yes, at that moment, that yes changes your past. So like we do... ...here where we give Bodhisattva precepts. And so the preceptor says the precept, and the person being ordained, receiving the precept, says it.

[55:52]

And they do that, and then afterwards the preceptor says... After realizing Buddhahood, will you continue to observe this precept? And the person says yes. When they say yes... that simultaneous at that moment their past changes. And the fact that they say yes changes the past and the next moment arises, which now supports perhaps saying, yes, I want to practice these precepts. Maybe the next moment you think, yeah, I would like to practice these precepts. But in the ceremony we We ask the person, will you continue to practice the precepts? And usually the people say yes. When they say yes, I will, their past just changed right then. And the next moment arises. And that next moment is going to support. Another consciousness arising, which maybe hears the teacher say a second time.

[56:56]

Will you continue? And maybe you say a second time, yes. Change your past again, more deeply, in that same pattern. Then the teacher asks a third time. And people usually say yes. So those three times are trying to, like, really, you know, change the past. And put three strong yeses. I do want to practice... Wholesomeness. Three strong yes I do in that past. Plus you say it with a witness. But you didn't make yourself say that. You put yourself in a situation you didn't But you're in a situation where somebody says to you, will you receive these precepts? And you say, yes. Will you continue to practice them? And you say, yes. So that person's offering to you, that person's presence and the presence of your friends, all that supports you to say, yes, I will.

[57:59]

It's kind of embarrassing all your friends come to the ceremony for you to say, no, I won't. Although it's okay to say if that's how you feel, but it's they're kind of coming to hear you say, yes, I will. So that makes it more likely in the future that you will, or that you'll think of the precepts, but the deluded mind cannot make itself remember the Dharma, but the deluded mind can receive the Dharma, and when it does, the receiving of the Dharma transforms the past and supports the arising of the Dharma in the mind again. supports the arising of, I would like to hear the Dharma again. So as you know, at the beginning of, we didn't do it here today, but at the beginning of a lot of our talks, we say, I vow on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma.

[59:03]

We say that. And when we say that in the present, although we can't control ourself into saying that, We can't even control ourselves getting into a room where people are going to say that. But when supported in the proper way, we find ourselves in a room where people are reciting this, and we recite it, and we say, I vowed from this life on throughout countless lives to hear the true Dharma, and when we say that, that changes our past. And that contributes to going into awareness. Say it again and again and again and again. Some enchanted evening, you may meet a stranger. You may meet a stranger. It's a crowded room. And somehow you know, you know even then, that someday you'll meet her again and again.

[60:17]

You meet the Dharma and you know, I'm going to hear this again. When you first meet the Dharma it's a stranger but you feel like, I'm going to make this teaching again and again. You feel that. And that feeling changes your past. That's got Dharma speaking in it. And it's going to make it more likely that this is going to arise. But not because I control it or you control it, but because we're all working together to be more and more consistent in hearing the Dharma. So if I willed to come to hear your talk today, if you did, there was a will. But you aren't in control of that will. So what's the definition of control? Well, I think one definition of control would be determinism. Another definition of control, you could say, well, what I mean by control is influence.

[61:27]

Like, for example, if you drink alcohol, that doesn't control you to get drunk, but it influences you. You're driving under the influence, right? You and I, driving under the influence. They can't actually prove you're drunk, but they can say you're under the influence. There's a lot of blood, your blood sugar... There's a lot of alcohol in your blood so that you're influenced by that. But some people can drink a lot of alcohol and they don't get intoxicated. And some other people like sniff it and they get intoxicated. So we're actually influenced by everything. And the Buddha teaches everything we do has consequence but he doesn't say everything we do controls what's going to happen. be helpful to this person, it doesn't mean that in the next moment you're going to think, can I be helpful to this person? But still, can I be helpful to this person influences your future and contributes to you thinking that thought again.

[62:35]

And if you think, can I be unhelpful to this person, it has consequence. And you can't say for sure, but it might contribute to thinking that way again. So we do have influence. The teaching of Buddhism is things have effect, have consequences, especially important to karma. Our active consciousness, the karma of the moment, has consequences. So it's very important what we're thinking and saying right now. But it doesn't say what you do right now determines what's going to happen. But everything you do influences the future of this world. Always influencing this world. So sometimes a thought arises in our heart, in our mind, I would like to have a positive influence. When you think that thought, your past changes. And it contributes to the next moment, thinking again, you know, I really would.

[63:39]

And again, I do want to be helpful. I do want to help suffering beings. I do want to help them be free. And I do want to study the teachings to help me and contribute to me being a vehicle for these teachings. But I can't control myself into that thought. When that thought arises, I'm very happy because it changes me. It changes me who is based on this consciousness. It changes this consciousness which gives rise to me. Yes? Good morning. I've been watching you for years. Nice to see you. First of all, thank you for that very hopeful song. You're welcome. Secondly, I had a similar question as she did related to control. As I understood it, as I heard it, you were suggesting...

[64:45]

I'm not in control of whether I. Ask myself that question, what am I doing? Yes, or or I'm not in control. Whether I. Choose to study my. Yes, I'm not in control whether I choose or try and access the right vehicle, right? I agree. The. But the truth seems like... Like, for example... Yeah, that's one of our delusions. So one morning I might decide... Another morning I might notice that I'm very resistant. Do you? It could be from a source as obvious as too much to drink the night before. It could be, I don't really know.

[65:48]

Can you hear him okay? It could be, I don't really know what the source of this resistance is, but I gather it's something. What you just said, I don't really know what the source of this resistance is. The Buddha says, that's right, you don't know. And you being, you non-Buddha, you. understanding ultimate truth is considerably more accessible than understanding how karma works. You have to meditate on, you have to realize the ultimate truth and live with it for a long time and become a Buddha before you can actually see how, what the causes and conditions for our resistance or how they work. So the Buddha doesn't actually encourage to try to find out where does this resistance come from. But the Buddha basically tells us it comes from past action.

[66:50]

But how it actually happens, just like I said, your ability to speak English comes from English. But how that works, we cannot see because the way it works is in a realm that's not accessible to active consciousness. So we're being taught, yes, there must have been past attempts to speak English, because, baby, look at you now. We can't see how that works. We can't. So when we wake up with resistance, we can have a theory, I think I'm resistant because I ate bad food, I didn't get enough sleep, but sometimes You wake up without resistance. Food and the same lack of sleep. And then sometimes you wake up with resistance and the next moment somebody says, would you please come to the Zendo and you say, yes I will.

[67:53]

Where'd that come from? So we don't really know. that whatever we do know is extremely important because what we know is our active consciousness. I mean, we know our active consciousness and our active consciousness is how we're knowing at the moment. This is a precious opportunity to take care of this and practice compassion with this active consciousness. So we hear teachings, be compassionate to every moment of active consciousness with no exception. We hear that teaching. But how do we, we can't control that somebody would give us that teaching. Now, the Buddhas also say they're constantly giving us these teachings, but we can't control when we open them. But somehow, we do open to them. And when we open to them, then things really start cooking. Not because now we're getting control, but we let some help in. And once the help comes in, it changes us.

[68:56]

And once it changes us, then we can accept more help. help and more help and more help, but we're not in control of this process. What controls the process is everything that's going on, including all of our past action. And everybody else's past action leading to what they do to contribute to our present practice. It's inconceivable how it works. Principles are what we're thinking now is very important. It's a very precious opportunity And again, I'm not in control of being able to say that to you, and yet it was said, and you heard it, and it's in everybody else's life. So we're very grateful when we do hear the teaching, we're very grateful when we do open to it, but we're not in control of hearing, we're not in control of receiving.

[69:57]

Now I can say that's why we're saying this stuff over and over. That's why we say I vow to hear the true Dharma. Saying I vow reminds me that I want to. I want to leads me to say that so I'll remember that I want to. But not in control. Otherwise you just say it once and then it's set. Okay. Here's the Dharma. That's it. Oh, nice. Just Dharma channel forever. I aspire to that, but I'm not there yet. That I always hear, no matter what anybody says to me, I say, oh, dharma, dharma, dharma. Lovely. Occasionally I think, was that true? Okay? Thank you. Yes. You said that you're here for teaching.

[70:59]

You said that you're here to teach. Yeah, I'm here. This morning I was here to offer these teachings. It's not exactly that I'm teaching, but rather I come here and I offer these teachings. So I'm here for the teaching. But I'm not really doing it. I've listened to you for a long time. I've come to you on and off for many years. And many times, I don't understand how, I must say. It's just something that I know. I completely trust people to say. And I used to try really hard. And my head was sometimes when I left it. And now I talk and sometimes I fall asleep because of that. But you have another gift of singing. And I just want to share that it all comes together for me.

[72:02]

And it's beautiful where I was at that time. It's a place that all of a sudden makes a big aha moment. And for that, I thank you. And I have a theory for you. Okay? Your willingness to sit here and not understand anything. Okay, your willingness to sit here and not understand everything makes you open to hear the Dharma. So that when I sing, you hear the Dharma. But if I just came in and sang, people would say, you know, geez, what's he doing? I didn't come here to hear that guy sing. But after listening to me babble on in these incoherent ways, and you're actually willing, your heart and mind open, so when I sing, you understand.

[73:04]

So it isn't that I'm trying to be difficult, it's just that I am. I'm not in control of being difficult, I just am a difficult thing. And if you're willing to accept that I'm difficult, I'm also open to the teachings. So when I sing, you think it's a dharma. That's my theory. My singing that comes at the end of a long, incoherent babbling. You know, it sounds like the truth. Because, now a lot of people leave, so they don't get to hear the song. But the fact that you sit through all this relatively useless stuff, and after a while you're not trying to get anything anymore, makes you ready to receive the Dharma. If you're trying to get the Dharma, the door on Dharma. And most people who come here do try to get the Dharma. So I'm here to not give it.

[74:07]

And if they tolerate that for about 45 minutes, then pretty much whatever I say, they're going to hear the Dharma. Especially if I sing in a strange way. Yeah, right. And I'm not in control of you, and neither are you. But it's wonderful that you're here. I don't know how this happened, but it's great that you're here. And somehow you keep coming back. How does that happen? I don't know. I can't figure it out. Yes? Yes? Delusions in relationships? The role of delusion in relationships, did you say? Yeah.

[75:09]

Yes. So, I don't think it's a question to respond. It sort of has to do with, you know, compatibility of that. In relationships, there's a recognition of the illusion of people trying to understand their psychic consciousness of each other to have a relationship with each other. As you might come to discover, we read about the world in different ways. work that we can understand how we can make sense of two people's illusions, their ultimate abilities when we meet together.

[76:17]

I think, yeah, thank you. You said quite a bit there. Well, let's talk about two people having a relationship, okay? So if you have two people, you have, in my opinion, you have two diluted consciousnesses together. That's the fairly universal situation. Unless one of them by chance just happens to be a Buddha. Then you have one non-deluded and one deluded. But Buddhas are rare. Even great bodhisattvas are deluded. However, great bodhisattvas have been accepting for a long time that they're deluded. They have like virtually infinite moments of past practice of admitting that they're deluded.

[77:39]

When they're told they're deluded, they say, I'm deluded. Oh, deluded. You know me. They're not like surprised. Deluded who? Me? No, no. So, if you have two deluded people and they're both aware that they're deluded, at least they've heard that teaching, but they have a deluded sense that they're deluded. They've heard the teaching over and over enough times so they say, well, maybe so. Or, you know, sometimes you say to people, do you think there's a slight possibility that you're wrong? Could it possibly be... A little bit wrong here? That you're a little bit mistaken? And some people would say, well, yeah, maybe. It's possible. After a while, it's like, yeah, it really is possible. It's quite fairly likely. Yeah, it seems like probably I am. So, if I say something and I disagree with you...

[78:42]

I may feel like I disagree with you, but I don't think like I'm right and since you disagree with me, you're wrong. If I'm aware that I'm deluded, it's just that, hey, guess what? I think you're wrong. But I don't believe that. I just have this idea that you're wrong. I'm right. So if two people are going to have a love relationship and both people are going to be in on it, they both have to be aware that they're deluded. So I love you, but I don't know who you are. I have an idea of who you are. You have kind of dark skin. You have very short hair. You're wearing glasses. And I could go on, but these are just my ideas of you. I was going to use the image this morning, but it didn't come up. If you go out in the ocean... and you look around, the ocean looks like a circle of water.

[79:44]

But the ocean is not a circle of water. But that's how it looks to you. So we have this deluded kind of tiny little picture of everybody we meet. Everybody we meet is more or less infinite in qualities and variety. But we can't see that. We make a little circle of water out of them. But we can hear the teaching, I have a circle of water about this guy. I don't know who he is, but I have a deluded take on him. A little circumscribed stories about him. So if we both are aware, if we both take care of and are patient with and generous and careful with our delusion. And one of the main things to be careful about is remember we're deluded. Remember we're deluded awareness. If we do that, we can love each other. And we can get over the idea that we're separate even, which is another one of our delusions.

[80:55]

And it doesn't mean we're aware that you're deluded. and you want to live for the welfare of all beings, and you know also that you're deluded anyway, even if you had this great aspiration, even if you vowed to live for the welfare of all beings, you're still a deluded person doing that. You may meet other people who are not in the welfare of other people. Matter of fact, especially if they don't want to live for your welfare. But you still want to live for their welfare. And you can have a relationship with them. And it can have a love relationship, but they're not in on it the same way you're in on it. They are what we call children. And you're getting on the verge of being an adult. So, for example, you can be a grandparent and be aware that you're deluded. And you have a grandchild who thinks he's not deluded at all. Like I went to visit one of my grandsons in L.A., and he wanted me to take him to 7-Eleven to make a kind of like a bag lunch.

[82:15]

He didn't want to make a bag lunch out of the stuff they had to help 7-Eleven get the equipment to make a bag lunch. So I said, okay, let's go, and I started walking to 7-Eleven, and he said, we do not walk in L.A. It's like, granddaddy, you are really... We don't walk to stores in L.A. And I said, well, somehow I got him to see that that's the way I was going to go. And I had the money, and I wasn't going to let him go by himself. He can't drive or walk by himself. We walked there, but he... Also... we recycle here at Green Gulch, you know, pretty rigorously. Whereas at his house, they have kind of a more relaxed recycling program. So he says, yeah, well, you do it that way at Green Gulch, but we don't.

[83:20]

So anyway, he, my grandson until recently didn't ever think that he was deluded or mistaken about anything. But I adored him from the first time I saw him. I adore him, but I also see this boy is really, not only is he deluded, but the difference between us is that I kind of have a little bit of a sense that I'm deluded, and he had no sense that he was deluded. I think he's going to have to get a little older before he has more experience before he can say, well, maybe I am a little deluded, granddaddy. So I do have a loving relationship with him, but we're not peers, you know. And so somebody you're like a peer with, somebody who's like your spouse, I think that person should be kind of like, either both of you should have, if both of you think you're always right and she thinks she's always right or he thinks he's always right, then you can have a relationship, but it will be very difficult at that time, at that moment, to realize love.

[84:32]

The love's there, but both of your eyes are completely shut to it because you're not open to your delusion. But if you're really open to your delusion, you're open to love. If I really open to that, I don't know who you are. I have an idea, but I don't know who you are. And you open to that, then the doors of love are open too. We're both humble. We're both in awe of each other. We're both... There are... then love can be realized. But there can be love even when both or one of the people is totally thinking that they're perfect and enlightened. And that the other one is or is not in accord with their view of the universe. Welcome. But it's hard to, it's easy to remember that other people are deluded. My grandson has no trouble remembering that I'm deluded. He doesn't have to remember it, he just sees it that way all the time. But to remember that I'm deluded, that I'm limited, it's hard to be consistently humble.

[85:42]

But humble doesn't mean downtrodden because bodhisattvas are consistently aware that they're deluded and they're full of confidence even though they're also full of humility and honesty about, hey, this is the reality of what's going on. Yes? What do you recommend for practice to help? What do I recommend? I recommend Sangha. have a community of people that constantly say, Charlie, you're really deluded. If you've got that, okay, I recommend you continue. And the other thing is you need Buddha, you need somebody who plays the role of teacher, who says, what are you doing?

[86:53]

Again? What are you here for? And somebody you... So you need a teacher and you need a Sangha. And then, of course, if you've got those two, you're going to open to the Dharma. So I recommend Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha, but particularly, I remember, I recommend Buddha and Sangha. Because if you have Buddha and Sangha, or even if you have Sangha, open to the Buddha and the Sangha and the Dharma. So if you've got friends that are kind of like, in various ways, reminding you that you have a limited view, that you're attached to your position, that you're arrogant and selfish, do you have people reminding you of that? That's a song. In other words, they're supporting you to realize peace. And you realize peace when you realize your own delusions. this storehouse consciousness which supports all deluded consciousness.

[87:59]

Without that we do not have access to nirvana. But we need more than that. We need friends who keep reminding us to look at ourselves. So if you've got that, I recommend you take good care of that and say thank you to these people who... Thank you for reminding me to study. Thank you for reminding me to study myself. Thank you for reminding me to be aware of my limitations. And if you'd like me to remind you sometime, let me know. Because you got... Okay? So I'm really glad you have that. Yes. I was going to say something else, but you reminded me that I have a very close friend of mine who I've known for 30 years. We're always teasing each other.

[89:03]

We're always laughing, continuously laughing. And sometimes that seems like we're making fun of each other. And sometimes I would ask myself, why does he want me to... I won't see him because I'm always teasing him. But he's always teasing me. And it just occurred to me just now that you said that, that what we were doing was reminding ourselves of our delusions. And it was fun. Because when you remind yourself of your delusions, it's very fun. Right. Right. Yeah. There's kindness underneath all of that. creates a sense of wonder, so you never get bored with the person. Because things are always kind of wacky in my experience. Why I started, and you kind of, we moved it over the road for me, when you said that question, what am I doing here?

[90:08]

Because... Yeah, and some people like me are boring. And if you can tolerate the boredom and open to the boredom, then you get the joke. I'm really not that boring. I'm really funny. But you have to tolerate my boredom before you're going to see it. I'm just telling jokes. which people find boring, and if you tolerate the boring, you're going to realize how funny this is. Exactly, I'm the straight man. Yes? Yes? I want to live for the welfare of all beings.

[91:24]

I wish to give my life to the welfare of all beings. I vow to live for the welfare of all beings. These are various ways to say it. Or another way to say it is, am I living for the welfare of all beings? Is this for the welfare of all beings? My question is, how do you do that? It sounds so overwhelming. How do you do what? For the welfare of all beings. Oh, that's similar to Jackie's first question. What was Jackie's first question? How can we control ourselves into asking the question? How can we control ourselves into saying, I wish to live for the welfare of all beings? In other words, you said, how can you do it? I can tell you how you do it, but that's... Are there actions to take? Every action you take will contribute to living this way or not.

[92:30]

If you take the action of saying, I wish to live for the welfare of all beings, that contributes. If you think, I actually do want to live for the welfare of all beings, when you say that, I don't know how you're going to get to say that, but you did say it just a few minutes ago, didn't you? But in your question was that statement, wasn't it? Yeah, so it was there. I don't know how that happened. But even in the middle of your question, that changed your past when you asked that. Simultaneously, your past changed with that question. Those kinds of questions contribute to more questions like that. Just like speaking English over and over contributes to being able to speak English. We have the ability to speak languages because in the past, we human beings have been speaking languages.

[93:39]

The body that has an inclination to speak languages, it's in our body. And so if you're asking what actions to take, in the structure of that question, it sounds like you're in control of what actions you're going to take. But you're not. We do have choice and we're not in control of what choices we make. Every moment you make a choice. Constantly playing with words. If you want to avoid playing with words, try to get another body. that doesn't have human chromosomes and genes in it. Because human beings play with language. They play with words. Have you noticed?

[94:44]

Little children play with words. Have you noticed? They play with them. And they keep playing with them until they die. We play with words. Now you can also try to be rigid with words and be unplayful with words. You try that. But I would say even when you're being rigid about words and not being playful, you're still basically playing with words. I feel it. Control. That's how I feel. You're trying to accept a non-answer. Yeah, I think that would be really good, and you're not in control of accepting what you perceive as a non-answer. Okay?

[95:46]

And I did not vow, I vowed to live for the welfare of all beings, but I do not vow to give answers. I don't particularly think it's good for me to be giving answers. Respond to every being. That I vow to do. That's my responsibility. I'm constantly responding to beings. And if some people say that I'm answering questions, I accept. One of my responses to people saying I'm answering questions is I accept them. I want people saying, he's the answer, man. I accept that you feel like I'm not giving you an answer. I accept that you don't think I'm giving you a response. But my view is, I wasn't in control of that either, but my view is that I'm constantly responding to everybody, and everybody is responding to me, and I am frequently asking questions. I vow to ask questions, but I do not vow to give answers.

[96:48]

I vow to respond to everybody, yes. But I don't think answers are particularly helpful. I think questions are. And the linguistic structure of how can I take action or how can one take action, the linguistic structure of that is delusion. And the delusion is I take action. That's the structure of delusion. It's like I... I decide. That's a diluted, that's what people think, is that they are separate from their decisions, they are separate from their choices, and they can make the choices. This is, and most people do think that way. What I'm saying is, acknowledging that this is a diluted path, you can become free of it. Just a second. Yes?

[97:50]

Yes? Yes? Yes? Recently, I've had a couple circumstances where my intention met with extreme unintended consequences. Yes. And I'm starting to feel like my intentions are the same. The path of good intentions leads to difficulty? Yeah. Yes? I'm struggling with this whole notion. It's my efforts. So I hear that you're you're struggling with the words or the ideas of living for the welfare of all beings.

[99:00]

Are you having trouble with that? And did you ask me if I had anything to say about that? Yeah. Most people I know have trouble with the idea or the practice of living for the welfare of all beings. One of the main trouble we have with living for the welfare of all beings Like when somebody slaps you in the face, it's hard to, at that moment, you're kind of maybe concerned for the welfare of one being other than the person who slapped you. Somehow pain in our own body tends to make us concentrate on our own welfare and how it's hard to find. So we have to train to remember. And how do you train to remember? Pay attention. Say thank you to what's happening.

[100:02]

And somebody might say to you, would you like to live for the welfare of all beings? And you might say, I have some difficulty with that. And then you might talk to him about it. All the while you're thinking about this, is finding, your mind is training at this idea. So bodhisattvas do not know whether they're helping people. They do not know how they're helping people. They don't know if they're helping people. They do not usually think they are helping people. A lot of people think they are helping people. They think that. But other people don't agree with them sometimes. But explain to the other people that, no, they actually are helping them.

[101:03]

And the other people still don't agree and they sometimes, like, get very aggressive about trying to win the argument and prove that they're being helpful. That's quite common. Bodhisattvas don't know if they're being helpful And if people tell them that they're not being helpful, they would like to help the person who says that they're not being helpful. And that might lead them to say, are you saying that you feel I'm not helpful? Exactly what I'm saying. Say, do you have some suggestion of how I might be more helpful? And the person might say, yeah, you could do this, this, and this. And if they want it to be helpful, they might say, well, you know, I'm trying to open to your suggestion. I would like to actually learn. But I don't know if I'll be able to, but I would like to. Like I tell this story over and over, you know, about having dinner with my wife and another couple.

[102:12]

And one of the people in the couple worked at UC Irvine, UC California. And my wife asked the guy, what's Irvine like? And he said, it's beautiful. And his wife said, it's ugly. And he said, it's ugly. And my wife turned to me and said, you should learn that. So, you know, somebody makes a suggestion to us and we go, hmm, maybe I'll try to learn that. Now, if I'm living for the welfare of all beings, then can I remember that? Then if somebody asked you to learn some new trick like being flexible and not being, you know, rigidly holding to your position about her vine,

[103:18]

to when they ask you to do something unprecedented, you might say, oh, this would be a good opportunity to live for the welfare of all beings. To listen to them and see what they want. That might be compatible. But sometimes we have trouble with all beings when people ask us to really be different from the way we are. Or people ask us to change our mind about something. that we really think is true. How can I change from what I think is true to what you think, which is different? Well, my wife said, you should learn that. You should learn, I should learn how to shift from holding on to what I think is true and let go of that and try on what I think is false. That would be one of the tricks you might learn when you're living for the welfare of all beings. Sometimes it really helps people if we can let go of our position.

[104:24]

That would be one of the things people might ask us to do. And we might say, hey, if this helps you, I'll give up what I think is right. Because what I'm interested in is your welfare not holding to my position. Don't let go of your position because your position is reality. Let go of reality? How can I do it? What can I say? I'm right. I can't not be right. Because I am right. It's just the way things are. Okay, that's the way things are. Now can you give that up? Yeah. Now are you happy? Yeah. So if you want to be at peace, we have to give up the Buddha Dharma. We have to give up the highest truth. If you want to live for the welfare of all beings, you have to give up the highest truth. It's kind of hard, isn't it? Not to mention the intermediate truth and the low average truth and the bottom truth.

[105:27]

You have to give up everything. So that's another way to say it. I wish to live for the welfare of all beings. That's hard. I wish to give up everything I think is true. But it's just kind of the same thing. So if you're having a hard time, that's normal. And what's easy for people is to live for themselves, not for the welfare of others, and hold on. Easy, it comes naturally. However, that's endless misery. Whereas living for the welfare of others and giving up my truth in the... One language for the Christian weddings is, I plight thee my troth. I put my troth, my truth, in plight to thee.

[106:29]

I endanger my truth to you. Here's my truth. And you say to me, can I throw it in the car? Can I put it in recycling now? And I say, I plight it to you. You may never see it again. I plate thee my troth. This is how to make a really loving relationship, is for me to give you my truth to take care of, knowing that you might not think it's worth much and might recycle it. Be in harmony and in love with you, then hold on to my truth. I'd rather that you be benefited than I get to stay right. But this is hard, right? So if you're having a hard time, that's something to be kind to. Because this is hard for transformation. This is transforming a deluded person into a Buddha. It's a lot of work. So if you're having a hard time, hey, welcome to the great vehicle.

[107:32]

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