Someone also said to me, if you're doing something, like let's say you're trying to do something wholesome, something skillful, but while you're attempting to do this skillful thing, or maybe are doing a skillful thing, like you might be able to play the piano skillfully, or dance skillfully, or cook skillfully, or administer medicine skillfully, or explain something to someone skillfully. But at the same time, there's a thread of trying to gain something by each of these activities, running through them. And playing the piano skillfully is usually enjoyable to the player. and often to people who are listening, skillfully or some other kind of therapy is usually appreciated and enjoyable to do.

[01:05]

But if there's this thread of gaining something from it, it plants the seed for some affliction, even while doing a good thing. So then someone said to me, if you were doing good and you were doing it with a gaining idea, wouldn't it still be possible to manifest the Buddha or the Buddha way at that time? And I thought, actually, from a certain perspective, even when you're doing unwholesome things, or let's say if you were doing an unwholesome thing and there was a Buddha nearby, the Buddha would not shrink away from you. Buddha would attend if you were doing something unwholesome. You know, historical Buddhas, the historical Buddha and the great disciples, when they saw people who weren't skillful, they would often, you know, they wouldn't run away from them.

[02:17]

They would attend to them and try to instruct them if they were unskillful. If they were like students of Buddhism, and trying to learn, but not learning it properly, they would instruct them how to do it. And if they weren't students, but they were doing something else, they didn't want to learn Buddhism, but they were doing some other activity, they would attend to them and try to help them be more skillful. And if they were doing a skillful thing or an unskillful thing with a gaining idea, they would attend to them and try to help them be skillful, and to be skillful with no gaining idea. But from another point of view, the Buddhas represent Buddhas that we can't see. But the teaching is that the Buddhas practice together with each person.

[03:26]

So if you're doing a wholesome thing or an unwholesome thing with the gaining ideas, then the question is, could you manifest the Buddha at that time? And I felt when that person talked to me, well, the Buddhas are with you no matter what you're doing. They're with you no matter what you're doing. They're always with you. And if you don't see the Buddhas, then at least you can maybe listen to teachings that if a Buddha was there, a Buddha would be close to you and would attend to you and would try to help you, even if you were trying to gain something. by your activity. If we try to gain something by our activity, even wholesome activities, the gaining idea makes us feel separate from Buddha. And when we feel separate from Buddha, then that obstructs the manifest of the Buddha's work on us, or the Buddha's teaching on us. So if there is a Buddha, certainly all the Buddhas I've ever heard of want us to manifest the Buddha way.

[04:39]

And if they were physically present or spiritually present, that's what they would want to help us with. And if we receive that help, that seems appropriate. But if we receive the help trying to gain something, it backfires. Not completely, because the Buddhas are still with us. It's just that we create a separation. So that meditation also might be helpful to us. The not trying to gain, plus the also realizing that we're not If we can actually practice free of gaining ideas and also free of fear of loss, if we can do those practices and also realize that we are doing them not all by ourselves, the person we become may be a person who can respond well to situations like this.

[05:47]

So on Monday, I had a meeting with some people, and I talked about this. So we're going to do a little thing. We're going to write letters to Barbara Boxer, and we're going to write letters to the campaign people, the Democratic campaign people. We're going to ask them some questions, and we're going to have our names on the list, and we're going to say that we're registered voters. their addresses and everything, and we're going to ask them questions. We're even potential donors. Maybe they will listen to it. Maybe they'll answer some of our questions, because we do have some questions about the behavior of the Democrats. And we might even write to Republicans, too, and ask them some questions. But it seems like maybe that we feel like that may be a skillful thing to do, to ask these questions.

[06:57]

We're kind of interested. We don't understand about their behavior. We want to ask them and see what they say to us. Maybe we'll learn something which will make sense. Maybe they'll understand what we don't understand in our questions. Maybe it'll be helpful. Maybe it will be good. But part of what I'm asking you to look at in addition is, while we do this, do we think we're going to gain something from this? Do we have that perspective? What we're doing is good. Like I said on Sunday at Green College, do good for goodness' sake. And the nuance in that is, in the Santa Claus song, is like, you know, for goodness sake.

[07:58]

But actually it says, do good for goodness sake. Do good just to do good. Not actually do good so that Santa Claus will give you a gift. So there's actually a little Buddhist message in that thing, which sounds like telling kids to be good so you'll get stuff from Santa Claus. ...which tells them how to really do good. Not do good so you get Santa Claus's favor, but do good for the sake of goodness. And of course Santa Claus will like that. And again, does Santa Claus deliver those presents to kids to be... Does Santa Claus deliver those presents to the kids... to be famous? If Santa Claus does, then Santa Claus is not doing good for goodness sake. He's doing good for fame and profit. How's that nice little phrase in there?

[09:02]

Do good for goodness sake. Okay, be good for goodness sake. Yeah. Yeah. Better be good Yeah, actually, in the morning, you know, do good without a gaining idea. You better do good without a gaining idea. I haven't been talking to you like that, but now thanks for reminding me that the song talks like that, but we're not so coercive here. We're not threatening you and telling you all the terrible situations you're going to get into if you do good. But in fact, the Buddha does say, and other teachers do say, if you do good for gain, it undermines the good, it twists the good. It doesn't destroy it completely, usually, but sometimes it does destroy it completely, right? It totally backfires. Like some parents who love their kids for the kid's sake, for the welfare of the kid,

[10:14]

They do things, right? They think. But they're trying to, you know, get into college. And if the kid doesn't get into college or something, they're not nice to the kid. And they're trying to be nice to the kid. Any comments? Yes. Is your name Lydia? Lydia? You're welcome. Yeah. Yeah. Hopefully, although it's possible, it might be that way, that you'd be in the present.

[11:23]

Like it says in the sutra, it says, future what will i be what will i become how you know how will i be if i do you know this concern for what will how you will be and what you'll get in the future or the concern for what you were in the past those companies gaining idea and and then in the present you could also in the present even like but if you're in terms of what can i get out of the present then you can also like get disoriented about your present experience rather than trust So you can even be in the present and lose the present with a gaining idea. But without it, you won't be able to do what seems appropriate now, to the best of your knowledge, what seems appropriate now.

[12:29]

And then rather than be concerned for what gain you'll get out of it, just simply watch and see how it works. you do certain things rather than do the thing with the sense of what you'll get out of it so you're still interested so i'll be interested to see what happens with these letters but i don't necessarily have to get into although i could and i want to get into gaining something from sending these letters or losing something from sending these letters. The energy and the stamps and the time it takes to do this, I don't have to get into what I lose in that process and I don't have to think about what I gain. I can do it just because it seems kind of like maybe that's a good thing. So let's do it. And also let's do it together. Yes. It's not so much that I'm not so proactive.

[13:39]

I'm not thinking about what people are going to do or how. But if you don't come up, get caught up, and we need information for having those. That's what we're talking about. All right. Without any expectation of what? Well, either you could say without expectation or you could say you're not really involved in the expectation. Your mind still may have expectations, but you're not particularly involved in them. For me, it was going to a peace vigil. It wasn't really a protest. It wasn't really a peace vigil either. It was just a vigil at San Quentin at the time leading up to the execution of this person named... His name was, I think, Robert Alton Thomas or something like that.

[14:40]

That's his name. Anyway, he was a guy who committed murders, and he was also a fetal alcohol syndrome kid. So he's crazy from young, basically totally disoriented, crazy kid who... you know, murdered people, and he was going to be executed there. And we did the vigil. It was raining and windy, and we're sitting out there, you know, in the rain and the wind outside San Quentin, you know, with our little sutras getting soaked, chanting a chant which is basically compassion. for him but also for the governor or the executioner for the guards for all of us and one of the people organized the vigil before probably during and after the vigil after making this effort she was uh she was feeling which i can feel she was feeling utility and and powerlessness

[15:49]

because she was pretty sure that this would not stop the execution. And I myself didn't expect it to stop the execution either. I felt good being out there peacefully saying that we are concerned about this. Most of us do not want this execution to happen, but we're here to be vigilant and we're also not going to storm the gates try to release this person or fight the guards but we are there saying that we're concerned and we would like we wish compassion could arise as much as possible under these circumstances all over the place and that we would like the execution not basically we're just here to observe that's was our effort mostly and then at the end we we left And I didn't expect to gain anything from that.

[16:54]

I didn't expect to get famous from it. I didn't expect to get awarded for it myself. And this one woman maybe thought, maybe this would stop it, which would be fine with me. But I think she was kind of demoralized with the feeling that it wasn't going to prevent it. And I wasn't expecting anything. After the vigil was over, I felt this transformation of the space all around there. And I wasn't expecting it, but I just felt there was this great feeling. So it's something positive I'm expecting from doing the vigil. I don't know if it was good to do it, but that was our intention. you mean if a gaining idea arose would you relax with that yeah yeah you wouldn't push a gaining idea away uh well you know you might but you could push a gaining idea away just for fun

[18:37]

Not for the eradication of the gaining idea, but just to see what would happen if you push on it a little bit, something playful. But relaxation could include kind of a playful interaction with the gaining idea. . No, I don't think it's... I mean, I don't feel that way. I don't feel like you don't want the gaining idea to be there because that's like not wanting mosquitoes to be on the planet. It's fine for you to wish that they weren't here, but anyway... And it's fine to go indoors and put screens up. Like, part of the section of sutra is, you know, it's okay to have housing to protect yourself from bugs that bite you. and stuff like that, that's fine. And housing to the extent to protect yourself from too much heat or too much cold, that's fine.

[19:44]

And it's okay to protect yourself from mosquitoes, but to wish the mosquitoes weren't there, it doesn't say to do that exactly. And then it says when the mosquitoes do get to you, it doesn't say wish they weren't there, it says practice, you know, bear it, endure it, be patient with it. and there's various patients practices by which you can have a compassionate response to being attacked or injured by animals and you know other conditions so the wishing that this gaining idea which is potentially dangerous and harmful wishing that it wasn't there is not required it's more like can you like Again, I often use the image of martial arts. It's not so much that martial arts is to wish that nobody will attack you. Aggressive energy comes your way that you know a way to relax with it. Sometimes when you relax with it, you can find some creative, playful way to avoid anybody getting hurt.

[20:51]

You can also train yourself vis-a-vis, for example, games. questions like you just did, like saying, well, is it that we're trying to get rid of the gaining idea or is it that we're trying not to be concerned? So it doesn't say that the enlightened people have no gaining idea. Well, sometimes it says they have no, but sometimes it says they're not concerned about or they're free of. If there were no gaining ideas, it might not be necessary to mention that they're free of them. But also part of this is that these beings who have, it also says that they let go of the ultimate. And in the ultimate, When you realize ultimate truth, there's no eyes, no ears, no nose, no tongue, no body, you know, it's a different world. Then there is no gaining ideas. In some realms of meditation there aren't any gaining ideas, there aren't any ideas of loss, there's no ideas of existence or non-existence, there's no ideas of affirmation.

[22:00]

That stuff's just not happening because you're looking at the ultimate nature of things where conventional things aren't even arising. There is that kind of meditation. But these people buddhas let go of that they've realized that they let go of it and they come into the world where there are things like mosquitoes and gaining ideas and they're free and they can be with other people who are experiencing gain and loss and be free with people who are experiencing gain and loss so the people who are experiencing gain and loss can also be free of gain and loss right at the same time while they have the view of gain and loss they can be free of the view of gain and loss All students. What preamble?

[23:38]

What preamble? . Well, again, there might be an expectation. For example, goes to town to beg in the morning, as the Buddha used to do, used to beg before noon. I haven't heard anything about the Buddhist saying or telling us about him having the thought that when he went to town he thought he would get some food.

[24:39]

I never heard the Buddhist say, I went to town thinking that I would get food. I haven't heard him say that. I think the Buddha goes to town to do the activity of begging because the Buddha considered and taught that it is beneficial to beg. But the primary reason for begging is It's to ask for help and give people a chance to help you. The enlightened person goes to town not primarily to get food for themselves. If they didn't get food, they would be hungry that day, but they might not have had the expectation of getting food when they went, and some days they don't get food. Now the Buddha had tremendous spiritual power, so he could probably arrange to get food every day, but he usually didn't use it for those purposes. So he might very well go to town expecting to get food, but actually intending, not knowing what will happen, intending to go to town to offer himself

[25:49]

being there in his state of compassion and saying to people please help me with the understanding that if they he has given them a chance to yes he's given them a chance to do a good thing and he's presenting them with a very nice opportunity you know a person that's very nice to give to that they can feel really good about giving to and enjoy and had the food and he usually got more than he needed and he would bring it back and share it with the other monks, some of whom did not get much. He would maybe often get more than he needed and he would share it. But sometimes I think he probably didn't get much. But he did not need the expectation to go to beg because begging itself was good. Now, did he expect that it was good? I don't know if he would even expect it to be good.

[26:51]

I think it was more like he thought it was good. So right now, I don't expect that what I'm saying to you is good, but I want it to be good. It might be good if I'm careful the way I talk to you and I pay attention to you. And if I don't pay attention to you, I'm not respectful to you. I don't expect that it will be bad necessarily, but I think it might be not so good if I don't do it skillfully. So I would like to do it skillfully because I think it's good to do it skillfully. I don't expect to do it skillfully. I might. So I can constantly slip into expectation, and there's ways for me to find out. I can tell often that I have slipped into expectation. Because when the thing doesn't happen, which it often does that I expect, I'm more disturbed. But sometimes I do things and something happens and I didn't expect something else and I didn't expect it and I'm not disturbed.

[27:54]

And it's fine with me even though I had no expectation of it. I don't have an expectation. I just want to do this. I don't even necessarily expect to complete my sentences, and I often don't, in fact. And if I talk, though, with the expectation of finishing my sentences, I notice that I feel more frustrated if I'm not able to do so. But I actually, particularly when I'm in a situation of playing the role of a teacher, I think it's really important for me to be open to not finishing my sentences, rather than, you know, feel like, I'm the teacher, and when I start a sentence, it's going to get finished in the room. No, I think if you want to interrupt me, I feel okay about it. So I think it's disrespectful. Whereas if you're talking, I don't think it's necessarily respectful for me to interrupt you. But I think it's good if you don't expect to finish your sentences. And if you don't, and you weren't expecting it, that's fine with you.

[29:01]

So going to San Quentin, I don't know if I expected that we'd be able to safely go there without getting hurt. I did not expect to go there without getting wet. I also didn't expect and I didn't expect I didn't expect these sutra these scriptures that were brought I didn't expect them to get really wet but they did and they were kind of ruined I didn't expect that but I caught I actually kind of I thought it was kind of nice that our with here we are these limp pieces of paper I thought it was kind of lovely to be out there and kind of like it was okay with me although I wasn't expecting it and then and there's a loving feeling that arose sort of, it emerged from the thing. That was unexpected, too. I wasn't expecting that. And I wasn't necessarily expecting that he would be executed, but he was. Even though it was a tremendous protest against, because this guy was, he was mentally ill.

[30:08]

I mean, you know, killing him was like, I don't know, I just didn't see it. Didn't make sense to me. So there is discourse. But while the discourse is going on, this might be helpful. I would like this to be helpful. I'm going to try this. And there also can be discourse. I think I see expectations arising around this, and I'm going to try to relax with these expectations. Or if I don't, i'll notice how i would like to watch how the expectations play into how things go and i usually notice the expectations disturb my mind and make me make me tire me out actually which is part of the outflow thing is that you know you lose your you lose energy when you're If you have these outlooks when you're doing good things, you get tired. And the funny thing is that sometimes you get more energy for doing unwholesome things when you have expectations.

[31:12]

That make sense? Well, sometimes if you think of unwholesome things and you think that an unwholesome thing will give you something, you sometimes have more energy to do the unwholesome thing. You feel kind of excited about doing an unwholesome thing because you think you're going to get something for it. So that's also kind of like that gaining enables you or gives rise to the energy to create an unwholesome state. Whereas that same gaining idea tires you out in doing wholesome things. That's like it says in scriptures. The outflows are when you actually do things which you shouldn't do. You tend to things in a way that you shouldn't be doing, that's unsuitable. You have energy to pay attention to things in an unskillful way, but you don't have energy to pay attention to things in a skillful way. That's what the outflows do.

[32:15]

So again, if you think of a wholesome thing and you think, well, I'm not going to do it, then you might not do it. And if you think of an unwholesome thing and you think you will gain something from it, you might do it. Take away the gain, you might say, I think I'll do the good thing. Actually, if I actually would like to do it, I'm not going to gain anything from the good or the bad. I might as well do the good. I've said that I prefer that. That's what I want to do. And again, when you put aside good and bad, I think you do want to do the good thing. With that mind, you kind of see the good is actually, that's what I want to do. But it might be not that way. I'll consider the possibility to give away the gain and loss. You think, I actually would like to do the bad thing. But if you do, I think you'll be able to see more clearly. the consequences, and you'll be able to learn from it better. That's my experience. I don't think about that.

[33:23]

I don't face much of the alcoholism thing that I do. So I do it for the same dose of the expectation. So afterwards, I realize I had this expectation, or I'm actually in the middle of doing the alcoholism thing. Something crude and negative. Unwholesome things are not necessarily premeditated. Yeah. I think I tend to do more unwholesome things. But now I thought, it's nice to do them. That's a possibility. And some people have ranked the unwholesomeness In terms of unwholesomeness, we say premeditated things are worse than unpremeditated, but in terms of learning, the premeditated are more awake than the unpremeditated. Because if you're premeditated, you can see, oh yeah, I'm planning to do that.

[34:30]

So it's a little easier to learn than when you do it without even being aware of the origins of the intentions. So the darker, the less consciousness you have when you do something unwholesome, the worse. And I'll put it the other way. The more consciousness you have when you do something unskillful, the better. It's harder for you when you're... Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it's harder to dream. If you want to do something on scope, all right.

[35:32]

to be more effective at unskillfulness if you're unconscious. So if you want to be unskillful, unconsciousness is really the ticket. And then consciousness starts to be the beginning of the end of unwholesomeness. So let's not get into that too much, because otherwise the empire, or is it the evil empire, will be threatened. Yes, Maurice? Yes. Yes. It's hard to not have that course of your life.

[36:35]

And what's the best you can tell? Yes. Yeah, well, actually, one of the little notes I wrote to myself is, how can you choose a good restaurant to go to without gaining an idea? Or another way I'd put it is, how can you be life-affirming? At the same time, you renounce trying to get something out of life. So I'm proposing this, that being life-affirming can go with not trying to get something out of life. Just like a person, you can affirm that you're trying to get something out of life. And you can want the best for the person or best for life without trying to get something out of it. But be good for life or do good for life for the sake of doing good, not the sake of gain. So get the best food for your children.

[37:38]

Get the best school without some sense of gain. Just do it because it seems like the best school is the one that is best for their welfare, best for their education, best for their intelligence, best for their life. But if you try to get something out of trying to get that for them, that's the part that doesn't help. And similarly, why go to a restaurant? Why choose the worst restaurant? You need to stay home. And why go out to a restaurant that's not good? I don't see the point. You can just come to Zen Center. Very inexpensive, not too good, but, you know, decent food. Why go to a restaurant and pay a lot of money for a lousy meal? What's the point? So if you're going to a restaurant, you might as well go to one that, you know, you're paying quite a bit of money with food, right?

[38:41]

But can you go to the restaurant without getting caught by gaining something? Again, you think, this restaurant looked good. And can you walk into a restaurant which looks good, and the menu looks good, and you seem like this seems like a good situation, this seems like a good place to get a good meal, with no expectation that you're going to get a good meal. It's just this little extra thing that I'm saying, on top of choosing the appropriate restaurant, that you, along with it, you don't try to get anything out of the experience. You rather... the experience not to get something from the experience you wish to have a life rather than get something so you're renouncing trying to get something from situations you're not renouncing life you're not renouncing people you're renouncing trying to get something from them which is our animal thing is to be acquisitive to try to get something from everything did you just go out the restaurant

[39:49]

Basically, you go out to a restaurant to go out to a restaurant, but you might actually choose the restaurant you think would be most enjoyable, most beneficial experience that's within your reasonable purview without any idea of gain. Just like you can try to have the best possible conversation with somebody and give somebody else the best food or the best clothing, the clothing, food, and housing that would be most beneficial to them, that you can give them at this time, you would like to give that to them without trying to gain anything from it, without thinking in terms of gain. Pardon? Yes? . Well.

[40:59]

. All right. . Well, if you think you know, in this neighborhood anyway, this seems to be the best restaurant, or you maybe go way out of your way to go to some neighborhood because you think there's a good restaurant there, and it seems to you to be a good restaurant, and you go in there, and you have the meal, and you don't think it's too good, and then what I'm saying is that would be a function of expecting that what you thought was going to happen was going to happen. You know, same with getting in a car. Every time you get in a car, you're, You're saying, I think this car is going to be okay. And if you expect that it's going to be okay, and then it's going to be okay, then number one, you may have something unfortunate happen, which is a problem.

[42:06]

But in addition to that, the problem of having an accident or something, that's an actual problem that you have, right? But you could, in addition, feel disappointed, right? and let down by it because you expected it to work. That part is actually the part I'm addressing. And it's also possible to go to a restaurant that, to the best of your knowledge, seems like a good bet, and they have an off night. And the chef's not there, and it's not very good. Maybe not bad either, but you expected it was, and you feel disappointed. Yes, that can happen. I'm talking about the possibility that doing it a different way will be more helpful. Without the expectations, without grasping for the expectation and holding the expectation, that I'm suggesting that you break your link with greed, hate, and delusion around the eating process.

[43:19]

or have ill will or confusion when you eat. It's not necessary. Buddhas can eat. And they can... They don't usually... I shouldn't say they don't usually. But the Buddha did set the example of not picking what he ate. But I think... He just set the example, the Buddha set the example of going to town and just begging and receiving whatever you got and also not choosing which house you went to. He taught that way. But that was kind of a warm-up exercise for other people to get them into the feeling of not picking and choosing because when you're picking do that without slipping into gain and loss so for a warm-up exercise he taught that but the buddha could actually go to town and choose a house that you know had this kind of food or that kind of food like he could choose the house that had the worst food just because he wanted to help the people the poorest people he could do that or he could help he could choose the the richest people that had the best food you could do it that way but he wouldn't be choosing it because he expected to get bad food there and expected to get good food here he'd be choosing because he thought it would be better to go to that house and give those people a chance rather than the other people he wouldn't really be that choosing it or it's also possible that the buddha would be sick and know that has medicine and this and he needs medicine so he might go to that house to get the medicine because he wants the medicine and might not get the medicine

[44:48]

But he wouldn't be thrown into greed, hate, and delusion by that. But he taught his other disciples not to pick and choose, not to go to some, because some people wanted to go to the poor houses, and some people wanted to go to the rich houses. Most of the monks were tempted to go to the rich houses. But some monks, some ascetic monks, tended to want to go to the poor houses, because they wanted to get the worst food. He didn't recommend that for the training experience. For the training experience, he said, just go house to house. and don't quibble over what neighborhood you get assigned to. To try to train this way of being that ends these outflows, that was his... Once you learn how to end the outflows, then you can pick and choose because you're free of the concern of picking in order to gain something. And one more thing I just want to say about Suzuki Roshi was... he had this reputation and i never actually saw him do this but going to the going when he first came to america his wife wasn't with him and he went shopping for himself and the reputation for choosing the most depressed vegetable you know and someone someone interpreted that he could he saw the he saw the buddha nature or the dharma nature running through all the vegetables and he felt sorry for the

[46:10]

for the somewhat low quality vegetables. So he wanted to buy them so they wouldn't be left, you know, because nobody would buy them. And so that's how, you know, because there are these kind of like spoiled specimens around, right? And we want to take care of them too. So this makes it possible for us to, of course, Look for the best for people, but also don't avoid these spoiled situations, because they need you too. And if we don't take care of them, we suffer. If we only take care of the rich, we suffer. If we only take care of the poor, we suffer. But of course we want to get the best schools for the poor and the best schools for the rich. Of course. That's appropriate. But if we have gaining idea while we're getting the best schools for our kids or the best school for other kids or making the best school for kids, if we have gaining idea, it twists and it tires us.

[47:23]

It tires us for wholesomeness and enables us, enables unwholesomeness. Because again, even when you don't have much energy, even when you're pooped, you can do unwholesome things. Even when you're pooped, you can fall asleep at the wheel of a car. Even when you're pooped, you can take drugs. Even when you're pooped, you can be mean to people. You don't have to have a lot of energy to be unskillful. But sometimes being skillful takes a lot of energy. And awake. And make an effort. So you better be good for goodness sakes so that you'll have you'll have the optimal energy to do the skillful thing, moment by moment. And you will have, you'll have, your optimal energy means energy that you have when you don't have outflow.

[48:26]

Two different people will have different amount of energy. So this person might look kind of tired compared to this person, but this person, if they don't have outflows, they have just the right amount of energy to do wholesomeness for themselves. Another part of this is to make yourself somebody who can make your best contribution. You need to take care of your energy so it doesn't get twisted out of shape by these outflows, which not only lose energy, but then also get you to do things, get you involved in other things. Because again, the outflows, they abandon a risen unwholesomeness. they prevent the arising of unarisen wholesomeness. And when the outposts are present, they give rise to unwholesomeness that hasn't arisen and unwholesomeness that hasn't arisen. So this can happen, and it can happen around

[49:27]

looking for the best schools for your kids, or trying to build the best school, or trying to provide the best housing for your kids or somebody else's kids. So you provide housing not just for your kids, but for your kids too. So that's good. It's a wholesome thing, and this meditation will protect those wholesome intentions, will make your care of your own children more effective, more skillful, less tiring, and so on. Yes. . [...] yes yes say it again to desire the happiness to desire i like desire rather than hope actually to want everybody to be happy to everybody in the situation to be happy buddhas want that buddhas want that buddhas have great compassion

[50:59]

to be happy but there's no expectation in them they want this without expectation and also it doesn't have to be for everybody that you can want one person to be happy too that that's fine but without seeking something You look at an unhealthy person, you want them to be healthy. You look at an unhappy person, you want them to be happy without seeking that they be something other than they are, without seeking that they'll gain something from being happy. That twist causes this rupture in your mind and body. It causes disharmony in your own body and mind, this fact. But yes, Buddha's... are basically, Buddhas are born of the wish for the welfare of everyone. That's where they're born. And they don't have this other aspect of seeking something or gaining something.

[52:05]

They aren't oriented towards birth and away from death or towards death and away from birth. And we can be that way sometimes. And we can train more and more. So Buddhas do have desire, and their desire is the welfare of beings, but without expectation. Yes. Yeah. I think I like these are my criteria rather than Well, here's another example.

[53:27]

The first or the second work period I went to, when I went to Taosahara Monastery, I think maybe the second work period, it had been raining and it had risen high and it sort of blown the pipes, the water pipes that were drinking water, sort of blown them apart. So I was sent with another guy up to repair the pipes. And we repaired one broken pipe. And we started walking over to fix the other broken pipe. And I said to the guy, go back and fix the pipe. And he didn't say, what do you mean, go back and fix the pipe? Could we just fix the pipe? He knew what I meant. We fixed it, but we didn't fix it, right? We fixed it because we wanted to get on to fix the next one. So we knew that we didn't really carefully fix it. both of us so we went in but but still we both did it that kind of half halfway you know just enough to hold it together so we could because there were several ones and we're trying to we're thinking ahead you know what will become of us when you know trying to finish the job so we went on the second one anyway I went back to the first one he didn't argue it let's go back and fix it so we went back and fixed it we didn't expect

[54:44]

to fix it a certain way. We just knew what was the right way to fix it. And we didn't do it that way. It didn't meet our criterion of fixing the pipe. It sort of did, but not really. So it wasn't really expectation. It was more like self-respect and to actually do the job right. And we went back and did it right. And we didn't say anything to each other. But I think we both really appreciated that we both appreciated each other, that both of us knew and both of us went back and did it right. And it was really important. So, again, you may feel like this is a good school, this is what I want for the kids, but I don't necessarily expect that it's going to be that way. And again, I think if I expect it to be that way and it's not that way, I think my expectations It reminds me going back and saying, you know, this is not what I wanted. This is not what I want.

[55:46]

I don't want this kind of situation. I want this kind of situation. This is not the food I want. This is not the meal I ordered. I actually ordered it. I asked for it to be this, and I got this. Expectation, when I order this, that I'm going to get this. And when I get this, then because of the expectation, an unwholesome state might arise in me, and I might be disrespectful of the waiter. So they come back, and I might be disrespectful of them, which is not skillful, usually. Where disrespect is skillful. But an unskillful state has arisen in me because I expected, when I ordered this, that I would get what I ordered. Sometimes you do order things and not get them right. Even in good restaurants, sometimes you order things, maybe not in the best, but in some pretty good restaurants, sometimes you order. But then when you politely and wholesomely tell the server that, they come and they give you the meal for free.

[56:53]

And also give it to you right, sometimes. And you weren't expecting that either. really well when you're wholesome that's can happen it's that but sometimes you're wholesome and you get all dressed up you know and take your nice wholesome paycheck with you and go in and order a nice meal from wholesome people in a wholesome environment organic food blah blah blah you order it and you freak out and cause a lot of trouble and they take you away Because you is a troublemaker because you had expectation and then you didn't get what you expected and then you freaked. You got into unwholesome states because even while you were doing this wholesome thing of ordering for a good person or ordering good food for your own children, you ordered for your own children and they didn't give the children what you ordered and then you freaked out. And then your children get upset and start crying and see bad examples of how to treat people.

[57:56]

And it's just a big mess because of the expectation. Tyrion, that's different. You order this for your children. They don't bring it. Then you explain to the waiter, this is what you ordered. And you help them understand. And then the children see you dealing with the person. And they say, God, Mom is really skillful dealing with these waiters. And then they bring us food. We wanted it because she's so skillful. She didn't freak out when we didn't get the first time. We got what we wanted. Plus, they gave us free desserts. And mom is just the greatest. And actually, she's much better even than Neil because she's got these really clear standards. She's very clear and sharp about what she wants for her kids. And she works to get a gaining idea. And she never gets tired. Maria? So I actually, I'm with the Thornton Children's.

[59:01]

I want to get to your store. So I approved the with a particular thing, you know, that I don't know. And then she told me to get the book and I said, no. She said, well, I don't know. [...] Well, I didn't have expectations. I do have expectations on sports. I mean, I didn't tell her that, but... So I felt... They weren't supposed to lie. And I felt the battle with my child, but I put the...

[60:04]

That seems fine. I just wouldn't use the word expectation in that case unless... I would use the word criterion or standards. If you wouldn't want your child to go to a school that would promote self-righteousness, you wouldn't want that, it sounds like. And I wouldn't want it either. But I wouldn't expect that that wouldn't happen. Huh? Huh? Wait a second. Did you say you would expect it? So there, that's the point. That's the cutting edge right there. Is that if I go to a Zen center or I go to a religious institution, I don't expect that the people there will not be self-righteous. However, I do definitely consider that to be a criterion of health. It's a lack. or freedom from self-righteousness, but the same as if you go to a Zen center, you might expect that people were somewhat enlightened or that they knew something about Zen.

[61:12]

I don't expect that when I go to Zen centers. That's my job security, actually. I want them to understand Buddhism definitely, and that's the main point, but I don't expect that they will. And if I expect that they will, I'm prone to get impatient with their not understanding. But I don't change my criterion of what they need. I wouldn't change my criterion of the kind of school I want my child to be in. But if I bring my children to a school and they say, no self-righteousness here, I don't expect that that's going to be so. I watch. And I say, oh, there is self-righteousness here. And I may be somewhat tolerant, but finally say, no, this school is too bigoted. My child environment. I'd like to try another school, which I also won't expect that it will be successful, but it's important enough for me to try another school, which I... Again, it looks like this one might be a situation where they won't teach her to be bigoted, so I move her to another one.

[62:16]

And maybe this one works better. But I... It's different than basically the requirement. I require this. Huh? Huh? Yes, I require this. I require that you be kind to my child. I require it. You must be kind. The person said, okay, and then you walk out the door and you come back and you see that they weren't kind to your child. If you walked out the door knowing that you told them that you required it and you do mean that and they said they would, you don't need to expect that they will. And then when you come back, You're going to be better able to remove your child from the situation because you're going to be in better condition because you're not going to be distraught and disoriented by your shock from an expectation. You just say, this is not good for my baby. I'm taking my baby out of here.

[63:18]

You're on the ball. You're not shocked off your feet by your world getting turned upside down. You know, not you know, but you've trained yourself to understand with the teaching that things are not predictable. I shouldn't say predictable. Things are not reliable. People are not... They're changeable. But still, you have criterion that you want virtuous behavior definitely for your children. You want people to relate virtues to your children, but you don't think that you can depend on people to do that. That's why you have to watch carefully day by day. And one day they're virtuous, and it You know, maybe one day it will tolerate, but not two. That's fine. I'm just saying that's a difference. Maria? . I think, you know, that's the whole, you know, I have the last, the worst, that's all, that's it.

[64:39]

It's like, wow, look at the children that I've taught. This is for me, the box. and it allowed for me to go down the route and improve my own career. And it's a very good thing that we were able to talk about to each other and we got so many things to do with it. And so, if you want to do anything like it down the route, I'll be so happy for that. And then, you know, I started having, you know, You can walk with it, but that's not a good idea. If you have your own, it's like, you know, trail. It's something that I watch out for. It's very expensive, but it's worth the effort. It's very helpful. That is over.

[65:39]

It's not so that it comes to thousands, but that there is respect. That's all it is. Okay. I don't think I would have been able to do it if it wasn't for my parents. My parents, when they decided for me, I didn't want to go to college. [...]

[66:43]

Another thing that struck me a few years ago was that during the Soviet era, if you walked down the streets of a Russian city, there weren't advertisements for 20 different types of salad dressing. You weren't barraged with advertising try to get you to buy one of the seven different alternatives to each thing so that again that that situation it doesn't stimulate that doesn't prompt you to kind of keep choosing trying to get the best and and then expectations and they they also tell you that you could you know you can trust this this will be delivered to you it's part of the country western thing you know with its beloved thing of promise I'll never betray you. You can always rely on Honda. You know, so I bought a Honda, right?

[67:50]

But I had to train myself carefully to not be lulled into the Honda enchantment and nothing will ever go wrong, you know. Safe forever. Basically, you know, until they've got that going, you know, that they last forever. You know, people go, oh, that car will last forever. Even people who don't work for Honda say it. I think that slow was a very big factor. This is really our thinking that we have to go It's a very big factor. Thinking we have control, trying to control is another way to talk about this. So if you think of the billboards where you only have one choice, it's now addressing. You don't really have much control about building that seven. You don't think there's more control. So now we sort of think. And when you have a million, you think you're going to have more control. Yeah, exactly. So the more you think in terms of control,

[68:53]

the more upset you are. Yeah. The more you think you could be in trouble, the more deluded you are. And... And... Along with this little phrase I heard somewhere, there's a circle of influence and a circle of concern. Sort of making the best decision in time with the information that we have. Try to. Yeah, we try to make the best decision with the information we have, and then the next moment it may be changed, you know. And so the circle of influence that we try and recognize what we can actually influence in our lives, sometimes we don't do a suitable objective. Right, and that's part of our pain now, is this circle of influence. We wonder, I mean I wonder,

[69:55]

To what extent does this meditation practice influence what our military industrial complex is doing in the world? To what extent does our meditation practice influence it? And it's hard to see sometimes that there's any influence, and that is really painful, because we like to see resonance. between the practices of meditation and the conduct of the military. And sometimes we can see it. We do see sometimes military people, like some military people saying, this is wrong. Some military people let the world know what was happening in those prisons. Some military people said, this is against the military policy. of appropriate conduct so some military so in a sense there our meditation has reached into that somebody's ethical in a crazy situation it's not easy to be ethical when you're in a crazy situation when everybody else is being cruel it's not easy to be the one who raises hands says what's going on you know because then everybody gangs up on you but somebody

[71:19]

courage to to let the world know some stuff so there's a and i i feel responsible for the cruelty but i also feel responsible for the courage and i'd like to see more courage because i'm responsible for all the courage and so are you but we're also all the cowardice and dishonesty so i had to look at my practice and see how where am i cowardly where am i not saying the thing that really would be helpful because I'm afraid of what would happen to me. Where am I being dishonest? And then concentration to resonate. But sometimes I can't see it resonate more than the distance of the person I'm talking to. But that's the start, the person you're talking to. So we start by being kind to the person in front of us. person next to the person next person this is one way yes Carmen and I

[72:47]

Yes. Yes. Yes. Right. It can happen. And so that's before us is to extend ourselves to the not like-minded people to find some way to contact them. So we're living in a kind of like-minded area of California. So we probably should go to Southern California and Wyoming. Come on, Lee. Just a visit. It's too hard. Yeah, it's hard. Well, you did your tour of Dirty. So now you can encourage us to do our part. Beautiful. I'll see you in two weeks thank you thank you

[74:18]

Thank you. There may be a dramatical error, but... Thanks, Pat. Thank you. Yeah. It's exactly like...

[74:37]

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