Okay, so on the airplane, yesterday, I was watching this movie, and, oh yeah, and this woman's in solitary confinement. She's in prison cell by herself. And I thought, oh yeah, aside from the food, which was not good, in this particular solitary confinement, I thought, Oh, then students are supposed to have no problem with that. It's like, okay, all right. Whatever you don't want, man. Yeah, so we'd be in the room and then we'd be with ourselves. And that would not necessarily be easy to be there with you-know-who. We're with no distractions.

[01:02]

Looking for some distraction. What can I do besides face me? But I thought, you know, a lot of people, they just can't stand it. So then one distraction you can do is go crazy, right? People go crazy. So I thought, you know, it's nice that we sit together because you can kind of like, we're actually together, but we get a chance to like be with ourselves together. until you get used to that, and then you can gradually take the people away, and then realize that when there's nobody, the room's packed. But without that being insanity, without it being a hallucination, to realize that the people who aren't in the room, physically, are still totally not separate from you in the slightest way. But in Soto Zen we usually do not put people in solitary confinement or solitary retreats until they're already masters of the Dharma.

[02:13]

And so there's stories in Soto Zen of ancestors who are like up in the mountains by themselves. By themselves means there's only one human around. The other humans are miles away. They're just pine trees and chipmunks and mountains and sky and mist and water. But these people understand that they're not alone up there. They're just sitting there waiting for the troops to come and practice with them. They realize everyone's with them, although there may be some difficulty to reach out and touch their skin. They're with us wherever we are. The Buddhas throughout time and space are totally with us wherever we are. People who understand that completely, they can go sit by themselves in the mountains. Until you understand that, maybe it's better to sit in a crowded room.

[03:19]

Until some enchanted evening you may see a stranger you may see a stranger across the crowded room. And somehow you'll know, you'll know even then that you'll be meeting again and again. Right? Looks like it. So rather than going into a cold, stinky room with lousy food, we get to go into a warm, nice, fragrant room with wonderful people and good food and be alone. Completely alone is part of the practice. But alone means all one.

[04:27]

means when you really realize alone, you realize we're all together all the time. All enlightened and unenlightened beings are always together. When I was in... How do you say it? Sveti. Sveti? A Swedish woman came to me and she said, I have no close friends. I asked her this, but I said, what do you mean by close friends? She said, well, someone who, if I disappointed them, it would really hurt me to disappoint them.

[05:29]

And they would be hurt by me disappointing them. Like if I had a date with somebody and I didn't show up, it really would hurt me, not to meet, not to show up for the date. And I said, oh, well, I think you have, I think everybody's your close friend. You just don't realize it yet. So there's some people who you think, well, if I had to show up, it wouldn't bother me. I don't care. But the problem with having everybody be your close friends is that if you disappoint anybody, that would really hurt you. So forget having close friends, or forget having very many, because you're bound to let somebody down. And if you have lots of close friends, you're going to let a lot of people down. And that would be painful if they were your close friends.

[06:32]

I was talking to people in Every time you say it, it's harder to hear. Say it again. Veriet. Veriet. We should all say it. Okay. One, two, three. Veriet. And a person who lives in Sweden is called a svenska? Sven. Sven? Svenski. Svenski? No. Svenski. [...] Svensk. Svensk. Svensk. And a girl's called a flicka? What's a boy? Huh? What's a boy called? Poike. Poike? Poike. So I was there, I was talking to people, and then suddenly I realized that what I was saying to them, what I was talking about,

[07:51]

Oh, yeah. It was written on the back of my roxu I was wearing. The meditation room didn't have a blackboard, so I realized that I can just turn my roxu around and that could be, you know, show them the Dharma talk. But I didn't bring the roxu, so I can't do that today. But I remember what it was about. So I'll tell you now what it was about. Do you want me to? Okay, so what I said, a little kind of summary of practice is, one summary of practice is, I'll say it in different ways, okay, one summary of practice is, this is a short one, Settle the self on the self and forget the self.

[08:59]

That's a story of Zen practice. Okay? Actually, a shorter story is Buddha is a short one. Or be awake. or enjoy being awake. That's a short, that's really short, right? And you can split it into two parts. Okay? Buddha, two parts. Settle the self on the self and forget the self. That's Buddha in two parts, or two dimensions. I mean, boo and duh. Yeah. Boo and then duh. But actually, I think it's really more like, duh. And then, boo. It's actually more like that, actually.

[09:59]

So the duh part, the duh part is settle the self on the self. That's the duh part. Like, you know, who are you? Yeah. Yeah, so who are you? Duh. No, no, no. That's too smart. Now, who are you? Stephen. Duh. Right? Everybody knows that. Or what's this? Your hand. Yeah. Duh. Settle the self on the self. And forget the self is boo. Boo. So Buddha is, forget the self. Buddha is, first is settle the self in the self, then forget the self.

[11:12]

But actually it's settle the self on the self and then forget the self. Study the self and the self, and then study the self, learn the self. First of all, settle into your situation, and then learn your situation. Study your situation, and then forget your situation. And then, when you forget your situation, everything will realize you. Everybody you meet will realize you. everything that happens will enlighten you. Because you have forgotten the self and you've forgotten yourself because you've learned yourself. And you've learned yourself because you settled yourself. So the first instruction this morning is instruction in what? That I gave? What? Samatha or what else?

[12:14]

Tranquility and settle the self on the self. You settle yourself on yourself, you become tranquil. So how do you settle yourself on yourself? In the body, there's the body. In the breath, there's the breath. In the seen, there's just the seen. In the tasted, there's just the tasted. You settle yourself in yourself. through that kind of training. Then you become, and that's the part where I said, then you become soft. Part of being tranquil is that tranquil means not just calm and relaxed, but soft and open. And calm enough to feel.

[13:17]

I mean, we all know we're vulnerable. We all know we can be hurt. We know that. But we usually don't, we don't always feel it. Because when we feel it, we sometimes also then get scared. When we're calm, we open to our vulnerability, which is always there, to our softness and our vulnerability, and also another softness is pliancy, so calm and pliant. We open to and we realize a body and mind that can be pushed around by everybody, that can be molded by everybody and everything, that can be shaped and influenced by everything, which is our actual body, which we usually are a little too stressed and agitated to open to that body, which is always here. Actually one, there was a young person in the retreat which happened, it was his first retreat and he was having a really hard time sitting and I suggested to him,

[14:28]

He's trying to figure out how to stop thinking. I say, well, maybe just be more stupid. Like, duh. Like, be too stupid to think of anything or think of any way to stop thinking. So again, settling the self in the self, another way to say it is give up thinking. Give up discursive thought. And become soft and pliant and calm and bright and buoyant. And become that way means you will become that way if you give up thinking for quite a while. If you give up thinking for quite a while, you will become that way. You will become soft and pliant mentally and physically. So people can say... Then once you... What's your name? Your name's Steven. Yeah. Your name's Stephen, right? That's right. That's the simple part, like, yeah.

[15:31]

Then later, when you become really calm, I say, what's your name? Yes, I'm Stephen. No, you're not. And then you say, no, I'm not. No, I'm not. Once you're relaxed, I can say, no, you're not, and you can say, no, I'm not, rather than, yes, I am. At first, he actually was a little taken aback, weren't you? But not so taken aback that he wasn't able to recover and say, no, I'm not. If he was more relaxed, he might have also been kind of turned by that statement. He would be affected by it. and then I would, and then, but he's still, and he's spinning around, he might be able to say, no, I'm not. And I say, yes, you are.

[16:32]

He says, yes, I am. Not holding on to no, I'm not, or yes, I am. Not holding on to Stephen or not Stephen. This is the learning the self and forgetting the self part. So first of all, it's settling, [...] being kind of dumb, not doing anything real fancy like being somebody other than what you are. We're pretty smart. We can think we're somebody other than what we are. So you give that up and be kind of dumb and settled. You calm down and then you can turn and leap and forget who you are. you can learn who you are and what you've learned. And basically then you're on the Buddha way, because the Buddha way is basically turning and leaping.

[17:33]

And then once you're on the Buddha way, that's not the end of the story, that's just like you're really, you're actually on the Buddha way, which you always were on, but now you feel it. You feel vulnerable. You feel weak. You feel... Which we always were, but now it's like, okay, I'm weak and I'm limited and I'm vulnerable. And I can also say to you, you're not weak. And you say, I'm not weak. You're not vulnerable. I'm not vulnerable. I'm not limited. And of course you are. Then you're on the Buddha way and you actually get to be enlightened and feel enlightened.

[18:41]

To meet the Buddhas. You get to meet the Buddha and the Buddhas on the Buddha way. And the thing which was written on the back of this gold kind of like rock suit that I was wearing, it says, you know, the first character means soft. It's in Tayo's name. Nyu. Tayo, wake up, Tayo. It's in your name. Wake up. His name is Nyu. Nyu means soft. In Japanese, pliant. Huh? Soft, pliant. Sleepy. No, not sleepy. Relaxed like a sleeping baby, but awake. That's the first character.

[19:43]

And that's the way you are when you practice tranquility. The next character means harmonious. When you're soft, you can be harmonious. Somebody can say, what's your name? Jane, no it's not. Okay. You can harmonize with all kinds of torture. Doesn't mean it's not torture, it's still torture, but you can harmonize with it. We're tortured in so many ways. by so many, but it's possible if you're soft and pliant and bright that you can harmonize with it. And the next, that's the second character. The third character is honest. And when you're soft and pliant, you can still be honest and say, that hurt. You're torturing me. You're torturing me. You can say that, but from a soft, flexible, pliant, open place.

[20:47]

And finally, fourth character is upright in the midst of this situation where you're affected and touched by everything and you're also affected by how you touch everything. You're upright and you're upright so you can keep turning with this in this dynamic harmonization process of four characters. Those four characters are from the Lotus Sutra. Chapter 16 This is the Lotus Sutra, see, this is the Lotus Sutra. The Mahayana Saddharmapundarika Sutra, the great Mahayana Sutra, the Dharma, the true wonderful Dharma. And this is a card which has a lotus on it, a precious lotus.

[21:48]

And this writing that I'm talking about is in the verse summary at the end of the chapter. So I think what I'd like to do is recite this little short verse, which is part of a longer verse summary of the chapter. This chapter is called The Lifespan of the Buddha, is the way it's translated here. But the translation is The Eternal Lifespan of the Buddha. So the whole little section that I'm referring to, it says, those who cultivate all virtue are pliant, harmonious, honest, and upright, will see me, Buddha's talking, teaching the Lotus Sutra right now.

[23:18]

So right now most of us do not see the Buddha teaching the Lotus Sutra. The Buddha says if you practice all and train yourself so that you're pliant and buoyant and awake and upright and so on and honest and harmonious you will actually see the Buddha teaching the Vodha Sutra right now in front of you. So, yeah, so this way of simply settling the self on the self, learning the self, forgetting the self, and being awakened by all things, this is how you enter the Buddha way. But then you get to now see practicing the Buddha way by yourself. You're actually practicing with all the Buddhas And you're actually right there with Shakyamuni Buddha teaching the Lotus Sutra, giving you a special class on the Lotus Sutra right now.

[24:30]

Of course, you also see that she's given the Lotus Sutra to innumerable other beings at the same time. You get to see that too. This is what it's like, the Buddha says, when you practice like that. And practicing all virtues means, Dogen says, practicing all virtues means that you enter the mud and you get dirty in order to benefit and assist all beings. So you're right down there in the mud where the lotus grows. You're really in it with people. And then you're not in it and tightening up and closing off and saying, get away from me people. You're actually open to this.

[25:32]

You feel vulnerable to them. And you are. You feel it. But you still voluntarily enter the situation where everybody's your close friend. And then you're flexible so you can go through all kinds of changes. what you're doing anyway but now you can feel the changes. So there was a house with a man named Yuan and his wife Courtney and they have two little kids and one of them is eleven months old and she does this thing which my wife noticed was quite an interesting thing. It's hard for me to do with this podium in front of me so I'm going to move the podium Okay, that's good. Here she does, she goes like this. She goes, she's sitting, she sits, not exactly cross-legged, but with her legs kind of like, you know, with her feet towards her groin, or sometimes her feet straight out, but she sits upright in either case.

[26:39]

And she goes, she goes, And of course it's very effective. is just like just total just like this is like totally miserable i'm so unhappy oh this is awful go all the way down you know and her soft little body does that very nicely it's just just you And like I said, my wife sort of said, it's kind of a nice trick, you know. It's a very nice move. It isn't like, you know, in order to see the Buddha, you have to sit upright and be tough.

[27:47]

No. You have to like totally just, in order to be upright, really, and see the Buddha, you have to be really soft and just be able to really collapse. There's misery is the name of the game, just like totally feel the misery all the way down. But we have to like, and we have to, you know, train ourselves to be ready to feel it all the way. And so then, having totally entered the mud and so on, then and being soft, then we're also harmonized with all the suffering and be honest about it and be upright. We don't really get bent out of shape by this process, is the idea. In other words, we find our true posture at the same time.

[28:51]

And then we see the Buddha face to face. Can I have my podium back, please? Actually, I see my podium and in a sense it is. I built this podium. Thirty-six years ago I built this. I'm not a very good carpenter, as you can see, but it kind of works. At first it was not painted, and then it got painted. This is the only podium I ever made. And now the Lotus Sutra. And underneath the Lotus Sutra is the Book of Serenity, which Eileen did find. She said she couldn't find it. She had some doubt. I can't find it, she said. But actually, I told her she could, and she did. So keep telling me what you can't do.

[29:59]

And when I asked Fred to say his name a different way, he didn't say, I can't do it. And yet, whether he said it or not, he said a new way, which we all enjoyed very much, thank you. But not to criticize the fact that you were saying it the other way for quite a few years. Because that sort of set up the power of the change. It made us appreciate it all more deeply. We never before heard that. It was astounding, wasn't it? You enjoyed it somewhat? Yeah, right. Do you have the clock there? Can I see it? So another way to talk about this is, as I said this morning, Dogen Zenji's main disciple, first great successor, Kon Eijo, the second ancestor of our tradition in Japan, he wrote a little book called The Samadhi of the Treasury of Light, or Absorption,

[31:30]

in the womb of light. And in there he says, trust everything to salvation and exhalation. And then, in other words, after you've trusted everything to breathing in and breathing out, after you trust everything to breathing in and breathing out, you've got a body, you've got a mind, now use the body and mind Breathing out and breathing in. Give everything to this process. And then leap into the womb of light. Leap into the Buddha way. You will be able to allow this to happen, if you can allow yourself to give yourself to the simple activity of breathing, seeing, whatever.

[32:42]

Just give yourself to it. With nobody left over to comment on anything. Nobody left over to say, this is a good breath, bad breath. This is like a good light, a bad light. This is a good person, a bad person. give everything, give all the commenters to this process and then the leaping into the treasury of light will happen. And there we will meet all the Buddhas and join their practice. We got the inhalation and exhalation. It's the question of giving everything to it, which, of course, is really a great challenge. Because we sometimes think, I have other things to do. Pardon me. Well, do them. For example, I've got to really suffer this moment now.

[33:50]

Do that all the way, and then actually you're pretty much ready to leap now. Yeah, you're right, I am. And what it's like in that womb of light, things are really amazing, like it's just amazing. Amazing things happen, like meeting the Buddha. I thought the Buddha was dead. Watch as this chapter is about. The Buddha says, yeah, yeah, yeah. So now, it's getting late, so maybe next, I'll give a talk this afternoon, I'll read you the chapter. But basically, it's about the Buddha saying, I know it looks like I was born and, you know, went to preschool, had a nice mom and dad and, you know, got married, and had a good time, and split, and went into the mountains, and attained enlightenment, and then taught people for a long time, and then died. I know it looks like that, but actually that was just an illusion.

[34:58]

Really. I was there before that happened, and I've been here since. But the way I've been here since and the way I was before, most people didn't notice. So I went, okay, here's a baby. See, baby Buddha. And now the Buddha's dying. So the show is put on, which is wonderful. What could be better? It's a great show. Nothing's better than that. But also nothing's less good than that. The time since Buddha has been gone has also been good. But we're having trouble noticing it. So now he comes back about... No, about 500 years after he supposedly died, he comes back. You seem to have lost track of what's going on here. I just left for you to help you. Now I'm back to tell you I never really left. And I'm going to leave again now. So just remember, if you can't see me, you know what to do.

[36:02]

Practice all virtues. Be upright, pliant in body and mind, harmonious and honest, and you will see me just like you used to. So this is just so amazing that the Buddhas are with us now, and the message from the Buddhas is, if you don't see us with you, this is how to see us. And there's a lot of problems in this world. We're not saying they're not there. They are there and they're there because people do not see that everybody is their best friend. And now we have this horrible situation of people being violent towards each other because they just think it's ridiculous that everybody is their best friend.

[37:05]

They think it's ridiculous. In fact, they think people are really evil and it would be good to really hurt them. And now they're evil, but I'm not evil. I'm better than them. I've got a few problems, but they're really bad. And they're not my brothers and sisters. And God's asking me to be better than them. to eliminate them, that would be good. Rather than, the enlightened ones, the divine ones, are asking me to learn that everyone, everyone is . They're asking me to learn that for the sake of peace in this world, and for the sake of making the enlightened ones even more happy than they are now. Well, I said a lot.

[38:32]

I mean, I said a lot of words anyway. Is there anything you want to say at this time? Yes? Dabu? I've been noticing a lot of greed in my own mind this year, and been wondering, looking at the relationship between you and me, You're wondering about greed and generosity? Yeah, just looking at the difference between those two things, and I wondered if you could speak a little bit about, about greed and trust. Speak about greed and cultivating trust? What kind of trust? Well, we were sitting and you said trust everything. Oh, yeah, uh-huh. Yeah.

[39:33]

Yes. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Well, let's see, so we have, first of all, you said something about how this trusting everything to inhalation and exhalation sounds like giving, sounds like a generous thing, right? It sounds like someone from whom generosity would flow. Someone who was giving everything to inhalation and exhalation, generosity would flow.

[40:36]

Yes, that's true. But also giving everything to inhalation and exhalation is generosity. So practicing tranquility is actually in this way of giving yourself to what's happening entirely with no connotation. Okay? Completely giving your body and mind all the way to the end is an act of generosity. And it looks like that, too. Unless you hold back towards the end, say, I don't want to give myself all the way to the end. I'll hold out a little bit. That's not giving yourself completely. That's an act of generosity, a way of being with your breathing. And if you can be that way with your breathing, then generosity will flow from that way of being. So generosity flows quite nicely from generosity. And Sarah was also talking about this dynamic of greed and generosity.

[41:43]

So usually... When we're breathing, we're not necessarily feeling greedy for a lot of sex and pleasure necessarily, but we're greedy in the sense of we've got some stuff we have to hold on to and take care of, like we have to take care of our kids. We're greedy to not lose our kids. You might say, well, wanting your children to be happy and healthy is not greed. But wanting your children to be permanent is excessive. That's greedy. Wanting your children to be permanent is excessive. And so somehow we have to want those we care for, hopefully everybody, to be happy, and if they're healthy, to be healthy and healthy and healthy. But there's a way to do that without holding on to that. Holding on to that

[42:45]

in a sense, is excessive because there's nothing to hold on to there. There's just something to want. You can't hold on to your children's health and well-being. You can't hold on to it because you can't hold on to their illness either. You can't hold on to their illness unless you're really in a bad mood. One time, my grandson was really sick and his mother brought him over for me to take care of. And she said, can I bring him over? I got to go to work and he's really sick and I don't have anybody else to take care of him and he can't go to school. I said, yeah, bring him over. So she brought him over to Green Gulch and I was having a meeting. I don't know if you were there that day, Taya. Were you there that day that Taya brought Missy over? She brought him over and he's really sick, you know, and this very energetic little guy is really sick and he sits in my class and he just lies, he just lies there, just laid there in my arms, so no problem.

[43:50]

He was so sick, he was no problem. I mean, I could take care of him and do the class at the same time because he was climbing all over me, screaming for attention and stuff like that. He was too sick to be demanding. Some parents sometimes want their chicks to be that sick. Like, they really say, it's so easy to take care of you when you're asleep. Why can't you be a sleeper ever? Anyway, wanting welfare for someone is good. Wanting them to continue to be permanently healthy is greed. And if you're holding on that way to your situation, to your house, to your car, to your house, to your children, if you're holding on, that's excessive. You're not supposed to be holding on to things that can't be held on to. You're supposed to be loving things that can't be held on to.

[44:52]

As they're changing, you're just like they're giving them love. As they're flipping dynamically through all these transmigrations, you're like just trying to stay in there with them in the mud, flying all over the place. And you want to be there. You want to be there with them. You love to be there with them. Even though it's painful to be with them, it's extremely happy to be with people. who you love, who are in pain, and who give you pain. That's the greatest happiness. And you want that. But if you try to hold on to anything, that's greed. Even a little bit of holding on is greed. Not saying, oh, I want my children to be the most healthy, most happy, richest kids in the world, and I want to have everything for myself. That's greed, too, of course. But just even wanting to hold on to the slightest little thing about your daughter, it's greed. So this is an exercise in letting go of your daughter and trusting everything to your breathing. Or even look at your daughter and see her beautiful face and trust her face to that vision.

[46:03]

And then you become tranquil. Then you're practicing generosity. To let impermanent people be impermanent people is letting go. To let your children's beautiful cheeks just be beautiful cheeks and let go. That's tranquility practice, that's generosity. And holding on to anything is greed. Wanting lunch is not greed. To lunch is greed. Holding on to anything. So the greed in letting go There they are. And for me, what turned me to Zen was some simple stories of the difference between holding on and letting go. So simple. And makes all... Got some money. Okay. Now got a hold of it.

[47:05]

Yeah. Now can the hand open? And it can. It can open. Flowers can open, hands can open, and it makes such a difference. And to open up and give, open up and give, open up and give, open up and give. When we do that for a while, not only is that good in itself, but we become very pliant and we start to feel very vulnerable and the beauty starts flooding in. But it's hard, especially when the whole society says to you, let go of holding on to your children's welfare. You're crazy, evil, evil mommy. And listen to that. And just let that criticism be a criticism.

[48:08]

Give everything to hearing that. with nothing left over about being concerned with who's being criticized. Does that make complete sense? But it's hard, I know, it's hard. So then we also have in here, although our past evil karma has greatly accumulated, indeed being the cause and conditions of obstacles in practicing what I just talked about. Because of our past karma, it's difficult to give everything to this exhale. But that's a practice that will help you be generous with not only your children, but everybody's children. Holding on because of karmic hindrances, evil karma, accumulated karma, holding on because of that.

[49:10]

That's the problem. Then we can't hear the true Dharma if we hold on. When we notice we're holding on, then it says in here, confessing and repenting that we're holding on melts away the root of holding on. So you just confess a little bit and repent a little bit and just keep that up and you'll more and more be able to enter the practice. Anything else you want to express? Yes, Jerry? Is your name Jerry? Yes, it is. How's your name, Jerry, too? Hi, Jerry. It sounds like it's so simple. What you're doing is you're preferring direct experience over the indirect experience of thinking. Well, preferring direct experience over indirect experience is indirect experience.

[50:13]

Choosing. Yeah. So you have to give up choosing, too. Some resistance. Don't knock that altar over. You have to give that up, too. Okay? But it's true, it is, we are talking about direct versus or immediate what's happening rather than lots of other nice things that could be happening but aren't. But when you actually get to the point of really giving everything to what's happening, there's no choosing left. There's no preference left. Preferences also get tossed into the womb. Preference? Can I have your preferences, please? Pass your preferences up to the front. Okay, pass them in, and I will take care of them for you until the end of the day. If you need them later, come back, and I'll give them back to you. But for the rest of the day, just pass your preferences right up here, and I'll put them on the Buddha way, moving along the Buddha way while you're also moving along the Buddha way.

[51:24]

For the rest of the day, just give me all your preferences, including the preference for doing that. Yeah, I didn't call on you. That's okay. Yes? Yes? Torture, did you say? Yes? Do you want some torture? Me call? You do? Well, if it is torture, it means that I'm wrapped in privilege. Liv, do you want me to turn the torture up a little bit? And it seems to me, practicing Samatha while I'm alone and practicing tranquility... Practicing Samatha when you're alone is horrible. It's a bit easier. Once I go out and I'm interacting immediately with anybody, it hurts.

[52:30]

It's very difficult. Interactions hurt? Sounds like a nice title for a song. Interactions hurt. Yes? Interactions hurt? Feeling quite wound up a lot of the time and at the same time wanting to practice. And it seems like to me the practice of then what we're doing and working and just And practicing tranquility, I'm not sure how to do it. You don't know how to do practicing tranquility, did you say? Yeah, inside of the practice. Inside of the practice. You mean inside this world? Or do you mean, is it something besides being in the world that we're talking about? See, in the world, the way to practice tranquility, the usual way, is to give up discursive thought.

[53:41]

That's the way. Now, if you can't, if you just somehow don't feel allowed to do that, then what is it that's hindering you? So then tell me about the hindrances that you're experiencing to giving up discursive thought. And then we can look at those hindrances, and by looking at those hindrances, sometimes we can find out that the hindrances actually now say, okay, you can give up discursive thought. For example, it says, although our past evil karma has greatly accumulated in becoming the causes and conditions and practicing tranquility, if you reveal, let's just say, if you reveal the lack of practice before the Buddha, then you will be able to do that practice of tranquility.

[54:45]

So, in a sense, right now, you're revealing that before the Buddha. You're saying that out loud. The Buddhas are hearing you, that you have that problem of having difficulty giving up discursive thought. And the Buddhas probably would say to you, don't try to give up discursive thought on people. too hard. When you get really good at it, you can talk to people and do backflips and dance and sing and stuff and simultaneously give up discursive thought. But at the beginning, you probably need to be in a situation where you don't need to be talking to people, except maybe talking to somebody who's saying, in the herd. Got it? In the herd, there's just a herd. Got it? That kind of talk might be okay. Because then it allows for that knowing to blossom. But when... Yeah, so at that time, probably tranquility practice is not appropriate. If you're already calm, you're calm.

[55:53]

But if you're not calm and you're trying to develop calm, and somebody's going, then you probably would be good idea. Or, thank you, thank you, thank you. And actually, if you're good at that, which is kind of advanced, but if you're good at thanking people for all these interactions, which are some level of stress because you're not really... pliant yet, and soft, and flexible, and bright, and awake, because you're not in that state, it's more or less uncomfortable to interact with people. So then you can just, then you go, kind of like, ah, [...] ah. You feel better. and they'll stop bothering you. Every time somebody bothers you, just go, and then they might say, what's the matter?

[56:57]

That bothers me. That really bothers me. It hurts me so much. Let me back away, you know, give you a little break. Then you can go. because you get hurt so much when they talk to you. No. Honestly, not too much, but to show them how bad it feels when they talk to you because you're so sensitive and you're just trying to calm down now. So then they leave you alone for a while. Then when you're calm, you know, you start getting out this kind of warm glow and they come back to you and they say, can we play with you now? And you say, now I'm calm, let's do it. But in fact... That's why we sort of recommend doing it in a zendo, because people do not try to interact with you too much, except for me, touching your posture. But I asked you beforehand, this touch is to help you be upright.

[57:59]

Practice giving up your discursive thought. You don't have to talk to me. I'll touch you softly. Actually, I think maybe Jane's been suffering long enough, don't you think? So would you let her do it? I want you to ask a question. All right. Is it okay with you? You're all right? Max, can you wait? All right. Anybody else? Is it okay if she asks another question? Huh? What? What? It's fine. Okay. Some other traditions practice shamatha for a long, long period of time. Not just a little bit at a time, but the growing, growing... Some other traditions practice a long time, yeah?

[59:04]

This tradition we also practice it a long time. Long time. Whole, well, you know, as soon as you, from the time you start, from that point onward, you practice it in this tradition. You practice it basically eternally. Now once you have, when you haven't started yet, it's hard to understand how you practice it. You're actually, if I may say, you're disclosing a misunderstanding, but I'd like you just to... What you're saying is wrong. There's not another tradition from us that you're talking about. You're talking about the Zen tradition when you say, practicing shamatha a long time, not just for a little time, a long time. That's this tradition. Buddha practices shamatha. However, Did you get that part? At least that's what I'm saying.

[60:07]

Reb says there's not a Zen tradition and some other tradition that practices shamatha a lot. The Zen tradition is a tradition of Buddha. And in the tradition of Buddha you practice tranquility, shamatha, etc. You practice it with no beginning or end. When you start, you're deluded and you think you're beginning. When you practice a long time, and become really calm and wise, you realize you didn't really start. There was not a beginning. You were deluded so you thought you started. That's what I say. And one more thing is that in the Buddha tradition, in the Buddha school, in the Buddha house, The Buddha doesn't... I said the Buddha practices shamatha. What does it mean if the Buddha practices shamatha and then enters shamatha? Practicing shamatha usually means you're warming up to shamatha.

[61:09]

But once you're in shamatha, you don't practice it anymore. It's a warm-up exercise. Is that news to you? It's something I've heard you say, but I feel that I've heard... You've heard? I've heard that in some other Buddha traditions that the stages to samatha, that people fit for all kinds of advanced stages to samatha. Yeah, that's the same all over the place, the stages. Yes. But, once you enter the stage... whatever it is, you're not practicing entering the stage anymore. You're in the stage. Now then you can practice again to go into a higher stage or a deeper stage, but once you get into the stage, you don't practice it anymore.

[62:13]

You just basically are in the state. And there's a limited number of stages. Basically agree that there's basically eight or nine stages. And the Buddha did those practices. But the Buddha said, this is warm-up exercise. He did them, but he wasn't wise. And his friends did them too, and they weren't wise. His first teaching was to practice shamatha through those stages. And he taught them the Buddha Dharma. So being in shamatha helps you open up and be able to hear the true Dharma. But there's this alternation between training in shamatha and being in shamatha. training in shamatha, being in shamatha. You can practice wisdom very nicely. You're warmed up. Your body is buoyant, bright, awake, pliable. So now you can hear the teaching better. You're ready to leap.

[63:14]

And then, of course, if you actually do leap, you don't have to worry about shamatha because you're like... You're playing with the Buddha. And you get the excessive contact high. You're overwhelmed with tranquility just by being face-to-face with the Buddha. You can't be agitated when you're meeting the Buddha. You just resist the Buddha's tranquility. I take that back. No one who's actually seeing the Buddha can resist the Buddha's tranquility. But actually the Buddha is right here now, and if you don't see the Buddha, then you can resist Buddha's tranquility because you have your eyes shut to the Buddha. Does that make any more sense in the tranquility business? You can say no. Is it possible to practice tranquility?

[64:19]

You're saying it's possible to practice tranquility in my life, walking around. No, I say it's possible, but you're not there yet. That's not where you're at. You're at, like, probably you can't do it when you're talking to people. It looks like this, which I hear you saying. I can, for example, right? Or rather, it happens to me. People come up to me and they knock me into shamatha, left and right. That's the way I live, you know. People like, you know, wherever I go, people say, practice Shama to Rebbe, okay? That's what everybody's saying to me all day long. Be calm. Be a calm Zen teacher. Oh, you're so calm. Yes, right. All day long, everybody's tranquil, so I'm always tranquil and I'm always calm, basically. If I'm ever not calm, somebody says, are you agitated by any chance, boss? Whereas people are like going to you saying, don't be calm. Be agitated. Talk with us. You don't hear them telling you, practice tranquility. That's all we want you to do.

[65:21]

You don't hear that yet. So go in the zendo where maybe you can hear that's what people are saying to you. Can you hear it in there? Yeah. So in the zendo, that's probably the only place you can practice right now. But that's normal for a new student. is that they go into Zendo, and that's the place where they have a chance of practicing tranquility. But even though they have some chance, and they spend hours there, and they know everybody is okay with them to give up their thinking, they notice that they don't, because they're afraid to let go of their thinking, because what will happen to everything in the world might fall apart if I don't keep thinking. So it's hard, even when you're in a room where everybody is totally supporting you to do that. But if you sit in there long enough, you will actually allow yourself to give up your thinking. And then you'll become calm. And once you're calm, then you can walk out of the room and continue to be calm. And then if you start getting agitated, go back in the room.

[66:25]

So we do that back and forth in and out of the room until when you leave the room, you can become calm. you know, all the time. And if you ever get agitated, just flip right back into tranquility. Every little breeze seems to whisper tranquility after a while. But be patient. That may take you years before the tranquility you find in the meditation hall expands. out of the room into the high energy dynamism of the city and everybody talking to you. But it is possible if one continues to accept the assistance of all the Buddhas who are leading you gently towards practicing tranquility until you realize how to do that any place, any time.

[67:29]

But the Buddhists do not say this is easy. They just say this is one of the things we're trying to help you do so you can... Okay? Jane? It's... It's past. Things have passed? Okay. Any other questions about tranquility? Yes? What's your Buddhist name? Ron Ryu. Ron Ryu? Is Ron lightning? Indigo dragon? Indigo dragon, yes. Vulnerability, sure, yes. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if you're feeling vulnerable and feeling terrified of being more vulnerable, then I guess I would say let's try to relax with that terror a little bit

[68:59]

If you take somebody who's, well, I think the terror is like actually causing you to contract a little bit. So you allowed yourself to feel some vulnerability because you weren't being so afraid. And because you weren't being so afraid, you reward. giving up some fear is to be not afraid to feel your vulnerability. But then when you start to feel fear again of that or more vulnerability, then it's time to face the fear. And if you face the fear, you relax. And when you're relaxed, you start to be more open to how everybody can hurt me in the sense that everybody can make me into another person They can make me into a this or a that. And I don't know what it's going to be. And it's not that... And I feel really raw and fresh like a baby.

[70:08]

Babies are really vulnerable, right? But I heard that if I can tolerate this vulnerability, I'll also be able to tolerate... which, you know, what is it? Roka says something like, beauty is a terror that we can just, beauty is the beginning of a terror that we can just barely tolerate. So if you can, it's a beginning. So in the openness, there's this time when it's like, terror starts to come up, but you can still tolerate it, you can still be patient with it. And then the beauty comes. And the beauty, of course, is the beauty of how we're all working together. It's the beauty of how everyone's your best friend in the Buddha world. Everybody's your close friend. There's not better and worse. They're just all close.

[71:09]

They're all different. Everybody's a different type of a friend, but they're all close. And that's the beauty of the Dharma world. And there's no beginning or ending to this. And that's, you know, if you can tolerate that terror, that's the beginning of the terror in the openness, there's the beauty. Yes? Yes? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. It's not so much that you can stand that you might hurt them, that's part of it, but it's also that you want to learn to stand the pain that you feel when they are hurt by what you do.

[72:12]

And if they're your close friends and they are in pain, especially about what you're doing, that's very painful for you. It's painful then for them. Like mothers, you know, they have to do certain things for their kids which hurt their kids. And it does hurt their kids, but the mothers seem to have a harder time than the kids. But they're both having a hard time. When I was a little kid, I had polio, and after I got out of the hospital, my mother had to help me do these exercises because I wasn't like coming out of the hospital at two and saying, okay, mom, let's do the stretching exercises. I wasn't like doing that. But I had to keep stretching because my muscles were really stiff from being paralyzed. stretching them. You know, and I cried when she would like help me bend forward and stretch. She cried more helping me do that. So yeah, that's how it's like when you're with somebody you feel close to, right?

[73:16]

But we have to, sometimes we have to be able to be there to help me to do that so I could sit in full lotus someday, you know? So she really helped me, and it was painful for both of us, but that's what it took. And she was close, so we did that together. Now imagine being that way with everybody. You might be doing something that has conventional meaning. Now, laughing doesn't necessarily attract people, but just saying, sometimes when you're crying, some people back away from you. Letting go of yourself, there's not necessarily any meaning associated with that, because part of what you're letting go

[74:24]

is your meanings. Again, in this retreat in Sweden, he said, what's meditation? I said, that question is a kind of meditation. What's upright is pretty much practicing being upright. It's not upright for me to say, I mean, I sometimes might say, it's not really upright for me to say, you're upright or you're not upright. That's not really upright. That's not really meditation. That's just thinking and opinion. Meditation is more like, what is upright? Who are you? are you my close friend by any chance? I said, you know, everybody's your close friend, but really that's just my thinking. But my meditation more is how is everyone my close friend?

[75:32]

You know, how is the way they are right now my close friend? What is being upright with people? What is being pliant with people? What is being vulnerable to people rather than I said, we are vulnerable to each other. But now, what is that? How do you feel that? How do you feel what it is? Well, asking the question, asking the question, not answering the question. Ask me those questions, but I don't answer them. I just want you to, but I say to you, I respond by saying, I want you to keep asking that question, please. What is being upright? That's pretty upright. But I take that back and say, please keep asking, what is being upright? What and who and how is everybody your close friend?

[76:32]

I would really be happy if we all could sort of keep in that mode of how is this person my close friend? How is this person my close friend? and then deal with the problems of having that kind of relationship, which are difficult, but they're really the kind of problems that Buddha has. So let's switch from one kind of problem... I see your hand, Laura, but it's getting close to lunchtime. Should we take another question or should we adjourn for lunch? Huh? Keep going? Okay. Laura. What do I think about talking? I think it's just about the best thing that there is. And it's the best thing to give up.

[77:37]

That's what I think about it. So, would you like to do noon service and then have lunch, or do you want to have lunch and not have noon service? Huh? Would those who don't care raise their paws? Would those who don't care raise their paws? Would those who do not want to have noon service raise their paws? Okay. Are you guys hungry? Okay. Those who do not want to have noon service and want to start eating, you may go and eat. Huh? What is it? What is it? I thought we would chant a famous Buddhist scripture about loving-kindness in response to the recent explosion of violence against the East.

[78:42]

There's a little ceremony for that. And then we can have lunch.

[78:48]

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