I hope, I pray that you had as good a day as I did. It was a great day, filled with joy, practicing here at the Pivotal Activity Center, the center of pivotal activity of all Buddhas, which is at each being. Is there anything anybody wishes to express? I have a question. In the story called The difference?

[01:07]

Well, I think you feel like you have entered into a labor contract, like you're going to do something and be supported to do it. And there's some form, like there's a shovel and there's a crew you're working with. He worked with other people. And there's a sense that you're training. Whereas when he's wandering, often as people do wander away from their home, they're kind of going off on their own and they're not going into training with anybody. They're not accepting precepts of training. And then a while until they feel like when the precepts of training are offered, they feel like, yeah, I can do that, that would be good. And that's not, you know, and then it's nice if the offer doesn't seem like too much.

[02:17]

Like, it's also training to go in. That was too much, that was too big a step for him. So, in the life of living beings, we actually are born completely the way we're born, through the support of all things we don't understand. We don't understand how much support made us be born. And we feel it, but we don't understand it. We don't understand how much love is coming towards us. We just don't get it. And we go away from it, and we still... At a certain point, we feel like, I need some kind of training. And that's why it's a nice word. The word recovery is a nice word. Or going for refuge.

[03:19]

So I think the person has gone for refuge when he starts shoveling down. He starts saying, okay, and he's also accepting some way to work with it rather than just whatever he thinks of, which is what he was doing before. He thought he could practice without his parents, and he found out. He didn't know that the reason why he was feeling so bad was because he went away from his support. But now he's getting support again and he says, okay, I'm glad to be alive to do this. You're actually entering somebody else's gift to you. How does that work for you? Wow. Yes. Earlier today you said something like, the more you become yourself, the more you become not yourself.

[04:30]

You're right. And I'm just wondering, both things, yourselves, think of the different yourselves. Well, no, it's the same one. It's the same self. So the more you become yourself, doesn't that mean the more you see yourself, that's connected to everything? Well, that too, but it's through understanding that the things that you're connected to are not you. And you didn't think they were you originally anyway. So the more you accept this particular coherence, the more you realize that this really is, not to say this, absolutely contradictorily self-identical.

[05:30]

This person ...identical with itself by not being itself. I do not make myself. What is not me makes me. What is not the self makes the self. And I can hear that, but I don't understand it until I'm willing to completely be myself. But it's the same self that thinks that it could be partly itself, that same self that thinks that, which has become completely itself and realized that it really is not itself, it's the same self. And we wouldn't want to change it this little bit because changing it a little bit would be like trying to change the whole universe a little bit.

[06:39]

And it's not exactly like you're connected to everything. It's not quite that way because connected sounds like you're something in addition to what you're connected to. What you are is not yourself. It's not like you're connected to that. And this is turning. So the famous statement by the author of the or at least the putative offer of the song of the self, the song of the precious mirror samadhi is, you are not the universe, in truth it is you. It's turning. So it's not that we're connected to everybody else. We are everybody else in a particular way. like this. And everybody else is everybody else as that person. And as that person is different from as this person.

[07:45]

But you are as good a version of me as I am. This limited thing here isn't really what I am. What I really am is everything I'm not. So you're as much a good story about me as this appearance. You're an appearing, coherent person, and so am I. You're just as good an explanation of me as I am, and I'm not a good explanation of you. The whole universe, including you, for example, and you and you and you, each of you explain me as well as I do. and I include all that explains me. The one thing that doesn't explain me very well at all because then it's like I'm something in addition to all the not-me that makes me. Leo?

[08:53]

Yes. It's related to a question before the last question. Is it possible for hypothetical parents of bodhisattvas to prevent him to wander, meaning point him in the right direction before he lost himself? They did point him in the right direction, but he didn't understand. And it's possible the parents are being compassionate to him, and being patient with him, and generous with him, and showing him all kinds of good things. And he sees it, but he still doesn't understand what was shown to him. But he is being shown it. And he will later understand what he was shown. But he has to go away from it for a while in order to understand how wonderful it is. It's part of our nature that we have to go away

[09:58]

...reject the unconditional love of the universe, even when it's delivered in some really nice ways, like really kind parents. Everybody agrees it's kind. Even the child says, yeah, they're really kind, but I have to... Sorry, bye-bye. I have to do my thing. I have to be a teenager. I can't do it here with you because I'm a sentient being. I'm confused about your compassion. I know you're trying to be compassionate to me, but at the same time I feel a little bit like I'm supposed to do what you want me to do. But that confuses me because I can't tell if I'm doing it because you want me to and I want your love or because I want to do it.

[11:01]

And the parents can still say, we'll love you even if you don't do what we want you to do. We do want you to do stuff. We want you to be happy. But we'll love you even if you're not happy. And we'll love you even if you leave. And then the intention being, well, then I have to leave to prove that you would love me if I leave. And that you'll miss me and wish I would come back so that I can inherit your compassion and transmit it to the next generation. I have to go away to find that out. But there's going to be a consequence of me going away, which is that it will take me to find it out. And I don't know when I leave that I'm going to come back and enter a training program. But I will find out. So I think it's part of our nature that we support of the universe and it's part of our nature that we don't understand it and it's part of our nature that the path to understanding it is to kind of like reject it.

[12:11]

That's part of our path of realizing it is to reject it. And then we suffer because of that so then part of our path is to realize that we're suffering and stumble upon some recovery program and decide we want to do it. And as you may know, a lot of recovery programs, people stumble upon them, they decide they want to do it, but they don't really want to do it yet. And sometimes the person who is offering them the training says, no, you can't, you're not ready, you don't really want to do it. So there's many Zen stories, and the traditional Zen story is the teacher is there who is representing this unconditional love and knows this person has to go through it in order to receive it, and the person comes and says, I want it, and the teacher doesn't accept them. And, you know, says, go away. And they say, I really do.

[13:14]

They say, no, you don't. I really do. And finally, they really do. And then the teacher says, okay. And then they enter training. And then they find out that the unaccepting appearance of this perfect, complete love was necessary for them. They wanted to do it. And those stories are sometimes difficult for people to listen to. The famous one is... When his main disciple comes to him, he says, go away, you're not sincere. And the guy stands in the snow all night to demonstrate that he knows he needs to do this training.

[14:17]

He's not just saying it. And then he cuts his arm off and says, here, does this convince you I'm sincere? And Bodhidharma says, okay, you are definitely crazy enough to be my student. So it does seem to be part of the thing of coming back and being given something by which you can demonstrate your sincerity to do the training. and then you do it, and then you continue to demonstrate your sincerity to do the training by doing the training through all that comes up in you. Did I tell you a story about my daughter giving birth and what she saw last time? Maybe I told it in Brooklyn. So my daughter... my daughter at one point became a mother.

[15:25]

And after she became a mother, she called her parents and said, now I understand how much you love me. She heard us say we loved her. And she didn't think, well, you don't. She didn't think that. She maybe had problems with her, like she had problems with me maybe, but she didn't think that I didn't love her. It was more like I wasn't, my love was not present enough, was not, you know, undistracted enough for her. And then she became a mother. Then she understood what we meant. And that same thing happened with me. My father used to tell me he loved me, and I thought, no. Like, why are you telling me? You know, you don't have to tell me. But he did have to tell me, actually, so that I could realize that he was telling me something that I didn't know.

[16:35]

And then when I became a father, I thought, oh, that's what he meant. And as a child, you do not know what they're talking about when they say that. But they should say it so you can think, why are you telling me this? And then you feel like, oh, now I get it. And this is a new ball game, this new kind of love. And you have to go away to come back and understand it. Which is tough, but normal. It's a normal thing on the path. I had a question. Thank you. Yes, my father passed away the same day as Muhammad Ali. And my mother passed away three years ago.

[17:36]

Before she passed away, she was telling us, her siblings, how she would see her She saw them while she was dying? Or before? final stage of dementia. And I think that most everybody in the room here heard or somewhat knows that worldwide, including the school system, they're teaching this, that a lot of people, before they die, are seeing their relatives. And I question the idea or the notion that How could it be real? Because they're separated from the person that's seeing them. And so the question, the point of what they're seeing, isn't it an illusion, projection of the mind?

[18:48]

And as far as the... Many Bodhisattvas or Buddhists go, isn't that likewise, since the two points to one? What's out there, what seed is either there, what we could see? Does that make any sense? To the heart of my question. Just a second. Are you... Okay. I'm not sure I understood what you said, but I did hear you say something like, we see things, and some question about what is it that we're seeing. And so if I see you now, and then also I say I see my deceased father now, I don't exactly know what to say I'm seeing.

[20:06]

Like, I don't know if you say when I see you, do I know what I'm seeing when I see you? And if I see my deceased father, I don't know exactly what I'm seeing. I don't. Now, if I see you, a lot of other people say, oh, I see him too. And if I see my deceased father, maybe none of you see him. But I don't know exactly what I am seeing when I see you or I see this other thing. Yeah, I don't. What do I know? I do know I think I see you. And right now I don't see my father, but I can almost see him. I could do it, you know, I'll just do it for you now. I'll see him. Okay, now I'm seeing him.

[21:07]

But what I'm seeing is, I don't think he's in the room, I'm just seeing a picture of him, which I can still see. I can still see his handsome face. And I can still remember that more handsome than me. So I can see a picture of my father right now and I don't think that that picture of my father is my father. Now, how about you? I see you too. And I also do not believe that my picture of you is you. I don't. But that doesn't mean I know who you are. I just do not believe that how you're appearing to me is who you are. I do not know. And who my father is, I do not know. But I can make a picture of him and a picture of you. And in his case, I don't think he's here.

[22:10]

And in your case, I do think you're here. But I don't know who you are. So maybe you're not here. Maybe you just sent a spy to ask this question and you're actually out in the deck someplace. I don't know. I guess that's where I'm at. I don't know about such things. It's quite helpful to me and it seems to help my relationships with other people if I remember, I don't know who you are. And then I take one more step and I say, although I don't know who you are, you have a big impact on me. I'll just take away the word big away. You have an impact on me. I don't know who you are, and you have an impact on me.

[23:13]

I don't know who you are, and you give me my life. I don't know how you make me, and I don't know who you are, so I don't know who I am. Because I am of all of you and much more. That's what I am. And I'm nothing in addition to that. And I'm not the slightest bit less than that. And I'm very happy about being this kind of a person. And I'm very happy you're the same as me. You are who I am. As Mr. Rilke said, I don't know if I'm a falcon, a song, or a great storm.

[24:17]

I don't know what I am, but I believe I am all of you as me. And if I want to know about myself, you help me. And you're the only way I'm going to find out who I am. Because there's no me in addition to you. And I have to deal with the way I appear to myself. And I need to... Or I should say, the more I do that, the more I realize that you are me. And the you that's me is not me. I told you before, it says on this fan, don't be afraid of being stupid.

[25:43]

Yes? That would be me. You're afraid of being stupid? No. I am stupid. Are you not afraid of it? No. Well? Good question. Okay. or if it's really clever. This morning you said... Can I just say something? Last night, when I gave my granddaughter a ride from one place to another, and when we arrived at our destination, she said to her granddaughter, he's not as clever as he thinks he is. You mentioned a number of pivot points. For instance, the universe and the universe is you. Can you pivot around that? No, it's not that I'm the universe, and it's not that the universe is me.

[26:50]

The universe... I am the universe as me. I'm not the universe. I'm you as me. They're a little different. So, in pivoting, you see it one way and the other, the universe, itself as you? I think in pivoting you could see it one way, then see it another way. But the pivoting is not the seeing it this way and that way, it's the pivoting from seeing it this way to that way. It's not the seeing it this way. or seeing it this way and seeing it that way, is pivoting. Is that because we can't see it both ways at once? Bodhisattvas don't see it both ways at once, but Buddhas do.

[27:58]

However, both Buddhas and Bodhisattvas are pivoting. While Buddhas are pivoting, they can see both ways at the same time and bodhisattvas switch, but the switching isn't the pivoting. The seeing it this way and then seeing it that way, that's what we normally do. The pivot is that you're not abiding in seeing it this way and not abiding in seeing it that way. So we see it this way, then we see it that way. And we can... If we see it this way and we're thoroughly... then we're not abiding in it this way. And if we see it that way and we do it thoroughly, we're not abiding in seeing it that way. And we have our nature working for us because our nature does not abide in seeing it this way or seeing it that way. It doesn't. Really switching...

[29:01]

We don't have to take up this position and take up that position. And we don't. We don't take up this position and take up that position. Because this position, if you take it up our way, then you think you're taking up this position. If you take up the other position far away, then you think you're taking that position. But if you wholeheartedly take this position, you realize that it's not this position. You realize it. You make it true that you do not abide. And therefore you do pivot. And you realize your nature. You realize your family business. And if I have any trouble wholeheartedly being myself, again, calling for recovery work, the work of being willing to be this person, this position.

[30:09]

But not in order to be in that position and stick there, but be in that position and realize that position is always including the other side. Therefore, there's no abiding in it. Related to when one side is illuminated, the other side is dark. Can you hear him? He said, is it related to the saying, when one side is illuminated, the other side is dark? I would say, it's not just related, it's the same thing. And not the same thing. When you see a color fully engaging your body and mind, it's not like an image and its reflection in a mirror.

[31:13]

It's not like that when it's wholehearted. When you're wholehearted, when one side is illuminated, the other is dark. This is for bodhisattvas. When you're wholehearted, there's just the color, there's not you and the universe. There's not you and the universe when you're wholehearted. When you're half-hearted, there's like the color and you. When you're wholehearted, there's color and no you. There's you and no color. When you're wholehearted, there's just the whole universe, or there's just you. It's just like that.

[32:15]

Yes? It's pivoting to Parmitas, going beyond. Say again, louder. Is pivoting somewhat synonymous with practicing the practice? The notion of pivoting. Somewhat synonymous? Yeah, somewhat synonymous. It's just regular synonymous. It's a synonym. They mean going beyond. They mean when you go beyond you, that's the paramitas. And when you go beyond you, then you go beyond that, and you're you again. That's the paramitas. Mm-hmm. And the parmitas help you be completely yourself.

[33:23]

I cannot completely be myself or be completely stupid without the parmitas. When I'm completely stupid, then there's no abiding in the parmitas. But I have to be generous and careful and patient in order to be completely myself. And as soon as I reach that, I realize, not myself, so in that sense, I leap beyond myself. And then I continue to practice the practice, so I leap beyond, not myself. And in fact, in reality, we are constantly leaping beyond ourself. we are not abiding in ourself. And the practice beyond and not abiding is called the essential or the pivotal activity of Buddhas.

[34:31]

Please excuse me for going 15 minutes later than agreed upon ending time. Please forgive me for my contribution to this catastrophe. May our intention equally extend to every being and place.

[35:15]

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