Thank you for coming to the meeting. Welcome to the meeting. I often say that awakening is living in stillness. Living in stillness is awakening.

[01:12]

And I also say that I pray and I vow that all of us remember stillness and receive stillness. and practice stillness and transmit stillness. In stillness, I offer you these words.

[02:34]

I am a conversation. I'm a conversation between or of self and others. I am a self and I am others. And I am the conversation of self and others. Someone might say that you also are a conversation. that you also are a self and others. And when I offer these words, they're offered as

[03:49]

bits and pieces of conversation. They're offered as conversation pieces. I am a conversation, well, I am, my life is an infinite life and my life is a finite life. My life is a finite life in conversation with an infinite life. My life is delusion. And my life is awakening. My life is a conversation between delusion and awakening. My life is awakening in conversation with delusion.

[04:58]

My life is delusion in conversation with enlightenment. That's my actual life. That's the reality of my life, which includes, it's the reality of not my life, which is in conversation with my life. In order to realize the truth of this conversation, I need to remember stillness. And I need to practice conversation And while I practice conversation, I need to remember stillness.

[06:22]

In order to exercise, to accept and exercise the full responsibility of being this conversation, I need to be still. with the conversation, in the conversation. I need to be still with self and still with others. I need to be compassionate with self in order to be still with self. I need to be compassionate to others in order to be still with others. I need to be still with others in order to be compassionate to others.

[07:37]

I need to meet others face to face, in stillness, in order to have the conversation that is reality. In reality, I am still with self. Since I'm in reality myself in stillness, and stillness as myself, then I would practice finding my place right where I am.

[08:55]

And when I find my place right where I am, that realizes the conversation. That is the conversation and that realizes reality. In order to find my place right where I am, I need to, again, be compassionate to myself now, here. I need to be generous with myself.

[10:00]

I need to be careful and tender with myself. I need to be patient with myself. I need to be diligent and energetic with myself. I need to be calm and flexible and open and relaxed with myself. These are the same as being still. And the same with the other I'm talking to, I need to practice the same compassion to others to be still with them and meet them face to face. In this meeting, the world will take off its mask and reveal its true nature, which is that it is a conversation too.

[11:11]

between finite life and infinite life. I often think of Franz Kafka saying something like, in German probably, but English translation is, you don't have to move from your desk. Just listen. Don't even listen. Just wait. Don't even wait. Just be still and present. And the world will come before you, take off its mask, and roll in ecstasy.

[12:25]

it has no choice. It has no choice. But I have to be compassionate to it, otherwise I'm not here for the unveiling of reality. My running around, my distraction from being where I am, is a distraction from reality. And in order to be where I am, I must love the place I am. The place I am is fragile. It is dynamic. And it is calling to me to be tender Stillness is calling for tenderness.

[13:42]

Fragile beings are calling for tenderness. Tenderness is part of my responsibility in stillness, in conversation. When we have retreats here, at the beginning we have some what we call admonitions, or you could also say encouragements, which we read out loud to the participants in the retreat.

[15:13]

And one of the encouragements is, be silent and still. And I used to say those words. But now I feel like saying, be still, is not as good, not as appropriate as saying, not even saying to you, remember stillness. But I pray that you remember stillness. I don't tell you to remember stillness. But I tell you that I wish you would. I wish we would remember stillness. Because I believe that I need to remember stillness

[16:20]

to exercise my responsibility in conversation. I need to remember silence in order to appropriately exercise my responsibility in the conversation. So I personally vow and I personally wish that we would all remember stillness and that we would all receive stillness. Stillness is not something I get. It's something that is given to me.

[17:24]

is given to me every moment. It's given to me along with my life. My life is given to me in stillness, as stillness. I'm not given another life. I'm given this one. And it's still and it's silent. and it's in conversation with the entire universe. My life is a conversation between me and the entire universe. Since this is my life, I am being called to this conversation. I am being invited to this conversation between me and all of you.

[18:26]

And I am responding to the call. That is my life. My life is I'm being called and I'm responding. And once again, I need to remember stillness in order to be here in this place where the conversation occurs. if I were to say that you're all calling to me to be myself, some of you might say, I don't think I am. I'd rather have you actually be somebody else.

[19:35]

I'm offering the conversation piece that all of you are asking me to do the job of being me. And that's the hardest job for me to do. And that is my actual job. But being me means being me in conversation with you. Me being me means I'm calling you to meet me. And I'm accepting that you're calling me to meet you. This face-to-face meeting is Buddha's. This face-to-face meeting is the Buddha's teaching.

[20:41]

And that was a conversation piece. And that was a conversation piece. I've heard from some people who are calling to me that they came to Zen in order to escape from people who are worshipping.

[22:17]

So if anybody here wants to escape from the activity of worship, Please excuse me for saying that I think I worship conversation. I worship meeting face to face. I love it. Not like a like or dislike, but like I want to be tender towards this face-to-face meeting, tender with this meeting face-to-face, so that the truth of our life will be revealed and realized.

[23:24]

I could try to imagine what all of you are feeling and thinking now, or I could, like, give up trying to imagine what all of you are thinking and feeling now, and just talk about how I'm thinking and feeling. And I'm thinking that this practice of meeting face to face, which realizes reality, I'm thinking that it's somewhat difficult for human beings to meet face to face in stillness. And part of the difficulty is that we have trouble remembering stillness and receiving it and practicing it.

[24:55]

We have we have a body and mind that has tendencies to go someplace other than here and try to be somebody other than this. We have a tendency to think about, what should I do next? And when we think, what should I do next, it's challenging to be still with the thought of what do I do next. It's challenging to be compassionate, so compassionate with the thought, what should I do next that I also open to the anxiety that goes with, what should I do next?

[26:01]

We can be still. We can remember stillness and receive it and practice it, even when we're thinking, what should I do next? What's the right thing to do? Even when we feel anxious, it is possible to remember stillness and to be fully compassionate with that anxious thinking. But it's hard because anxious thinking often wants to do something or go someplace to get away from the anxiety of, what should I do next? What should I do next? At that moment, I pray that we can remember stillness and receive it

[27:20]

because it's being given to us by our nature, and practice it by being compassionate to, what should I do next? Have I done enough? Did I do right? Did I do wrong? Are we really meeting? I could go on. These are challenging words, challenging feelings. Challenging what? Challenging finding our place right where we are at that moment and opening to the conversation between this limited, anxious life. and our unlimited peaceful life, which are always in conversation.

[28:26]

Part of the difficulty is that our limited life thinks that in our infinite peaceful life we would get rid of our limited anxious life. But no. the infinite, peaceful, free and joyous life never exists without being in conversation with limited, anxious, frightened life. They're always in conversation. And in order for me to accept the responsibility of infinite life and finite life, I must remember stillness, which means I must be completely compassionate to my anxious, frightened, limited life.

[29:49]

And all of us have limited life. But we don't always remember stillness. We don't always remember compassion towards this limited life. The limited life is given to us. We don't take it. But limited life is the realm of taking things. So the light that's given to us, we think we can take. This also makes it difficult to be here. So I'm saying these things to you and I'm listening. I'm saying these things to myself and I'm speaking. And I'm also just saying also it's challenging to actually remember stillness in this human body and mind.

[31:04]

The place where the remembering of stillness is being called for and necessary in order to realize peace is a difficult place. to do the practice. The place where the practice is being called for is a difficult place to practice it. Just right now I kind of feel like I don't know if there's any other place other than the difficult place that it's being called for. Maybe there's some easy place. So I have this feeling that this assembly is quite still and quite quiet.

[32:47]

But I really don't know if you agree that we're quite still and quite silent. And I also don't know if you want to remember stillness and silence? I don't know. And I don't know if you want to receive it and practice it. I don't know if you agree with me that remembering and receiving and practice it will help you enter into the conversation with all beings. I don't know if you believe, like I do a little bit, that being in conversation with all beings is the path of peace.

[34:32]

I don't know if you agree with me that in genuine, fully responsible conversation we realize justice. I don't know if you agree with that. But I'm open to talking to you about it for the rest of my life. I'm open to conversing with you about the virtues of conversation and any doubts you have about its virtues. I see this conversation practice as a finite practice and an infinite practice.

[35:43]

that has no beginning or end and that also has beginnings and ends. This conversation which is the Buddha's teaching. The Buddha's teaching is a conversation. As I said, it's infinite. So it has no beginning and it will never end. And also it's finite. So in that process, I sing songs. which have beginnings and ends. And I call to you to give me permission to sing a song, which I've sung before, but it's evolving.

[37:01]

So this is the latest edition of it, which I'd like to sing. Anybody not allow me to sing it? Raise your hand. You know that it would be untrue You know that I would be a liar if I were to say to you, Buddha, we can go no higher. Come on, Buddha, light my fire. Come on, Buddha, light my fire. Try to light the night on fire. The time to hesitate is through.

[38:04]

No time to wallow in the mire. Now we have a chance to choose. We can join the Buddha's choir. Come on Buddha, light my fire. Come on Buddha, light my fire. Try to light the night on fire. Thank you. Yeah.

[38:32]

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