May I mention that today is, in some people's calendar, is Father's Day. It's a good day to tell your father that you love him, even if your father is not alive. And it's a good day for fathers to feel ashamed at their shortcomings. But even an ashamed father and an ashamed grandfather still might want to talk with you about something. Last time I spoke here on Sunday, I think I talked about the very basic Buddhist practice, very basic ritual.

[01:09]

in the Buddha way of going for refuge in Buddha. Basic practice, the basic ritual of returning to Buddha. And during that talk I thought I mentioned that if one wishes to practice going for refuge in Buddha, then maybe it would be good to consider what Buddha is. And I talked about what Buddha is in the tradition of the great vehicle of the bodhisattva, the universal vehicle of the being who is devoted to the welfare of all beings. And I just mentioned briefly again that in the Mahayana the Buddha is a being which is always not thinking and a being which is always thinking simultaneously.

[02:33]

a being which is always completely free of thinking, of thought construction, and in the world of suffering that arises from thought construction. Completely free, completely giving up all world-constructing thought. Simultaneously the Buddha is always thinking always involved in world-constructing thinking. Buddha is always thinking about how to make a world where all beings can enter the Buddha way and quickly attain Buddhahood and freedom. Buddha is always not thinking and always thinking. Buddha doesn't abide in either and embraces both.

[03:35]

This is the Buddha. Limitlessly free and limitlessly involved to help beings. And it's this Buddha that in the Mahayana we return to by the practice of refuge. Today I'd like to talk about the practice of refuge and also just to say that I would use the word practice synonymously in this situation with ritual or ceremony. And I also just offer you the statement that not everyone who performs rituals understands ultimate truth. But I would say that people who understand are a person or a being that understands ultimate truth.

[04:46]

That for such a being, all of her actions are rituals. Once again, to perform a ritual does not necessarily mean you understand the ultimate truth. But when you understand the ultimate truth, You also understand that every action of your body, speech and mind is a ritual. Your whole life becomes ritual. Your whole life becomes a ceremony. Everything you do, everything you think, which is a basic action, everything you say, every bodily posture you make is a ceremony. which puts the ultimate truth as a form. Every form you understand is the ultimate truth.

[05:54]

And ultimate truth is every form. If we don't understand that, we may think some forms are truth and others are not. Also, if we don't understand ultimate truth, we think ultimate truth is something. If we don't understand ultimate truth, we might think ultimate truth is something. we might think that the ultimate truth of all things is another thing. So the basic definition of ritual is that it's synonymous with ceremony.

[07:08]

It means It can be a religious ceremony, it can be religious rituals, or just solemn rituals, dignified forms of behavior within religion or not. Coming back to the ritual, the ceremony of going for refuge. in Buddha. I go for refuge in Buddha. I say that with my voice. I can sit here with you, try to sit upright and still, and make my upright stillness in posture.

[08:16]

I make this sitting a physical ritual. This sitting is returning to Buddha. I return to Buddha's posture. I give my posture to Buddha, and thereby I return to Buddha by this posture. I think that I'm returning to Buddha. I need my thinking returning to Buddha. I spoke about this in Sacramento last weekend, and a woman came up to me and said, why ritual? Why do we have to do a ritual? She said ritual, but you could also say why do we have to do a practice?

[09:25]

The Buddha is totally pervading our lives, never separate from us. So why do we have to do the practice? Why do we have to do the ritual of returning to Buddha? Returning to the Buddhas who are always with us. Why? Why? She said, and I simply would suggest that, although it is true that Buddhas are with us always, unless we do the ritual, unless we perform the ceremony, of making our actions of thought, speech, and posture actions of returning to Buddha, we will not realize Buddha. All Buddhas who have realized Buddhahood have done the ritual of returning to Buddha.

[10:27]

None who do not return to Buddha realize Buddha, even though We're already there with Buddha. We're already surrounded by the understanding of the Dharma, which Buddhas are. Buddhas are the understanding of the truth. We live in the same truth. But unless we practice the ritual, the ceremony of returning to the truth, of returning to the Buddha, we do not realize the Buddha or the truth which Buddha realizes. We are always living in the midst of the great assembly of practitioners of the ceremony of returning to Buddha. But unless we return to Buddha, we do not realize that we live in this community. My thoughts, my speech, and my posture does not reach

[11:38]

what the Buddha is. But they realize what the Buddha is. My thoughts, your thoughts, my actions, your actions are not separate from Buddha, therefore we can't reach what we're not separate from. But we can confuse what we're not separate from. We can think we are separate from it and try to reach it. This is a distraction. which is fine. Just give that distraction to the Buddha. While I was talking to this woman I stumbled upon stumbled upon her being herself.

[12:43]

That she is who she is, that you are you, you are yourself, but if you don't practice returning to yourself, you will not realize yourself. Buddha is our true home, but if we don't do the ritual of returning, to Buddha, we do not realize Buddha, we do not realize our true home. We exile ourselves by not practicing returning to our home. It seems kind of unfair in a way that we exile ourselves by not practicing being home. But actually I think that's necessary that you can't just be an innocent bystander and not practice and then be left at home. To forego celebrating your home, to forego celebrating your intimate relationship with the Buddhas is to eject yourself from your home by neglecting the performance of your relationship.

[14:04]

The performance of your relationship. like a father, needs to perform his relationship with his daughter and his son. Without performing it, it's not realized. And it's a sorrow. I love you, yes. I love you dearly, yes. But without practicing that, Somebody doesn't realize it. For me, ritual also is my action in the context of relationship. So I brush my teeth. One meaning of ritual is something you do on a regular basis, invariably.

[15:08]

Like you always brush your teeth. That could be a ritual. But for me, it's not just that I always brush my teeth, because in fact I don't always brush my teeth. But it's when I brush my teeth in relationship to all beings, I brush my teeth together with all Buddhas and all living beings, then my tooth brushing is a ritual. It's also going for refuge in Buddha. when I brush my teeth in relationship to all beings. And it is possible to learn to brush your teeth in relationship with all beings every time you brush. This is to realize Buddha's way while brushing the teeth if you excuse me for saying so, I thought about this in the process of urinating.

[16:16]

And I remembered a Zen teacher whose teacher told him, when you urinate, always sit down. Most people sit down when they do number two. Not all people, but most do. And not all women sit down when they do number one and number two. But most women, most women do sit down. I think, I don't know, I haven't really watched. But I get that impression that mostly they sit down, whereas men sometimes stand. It's convenient. And some women are jealous of men being able to stand. Especially little girls sometimes say, how come he gets to stand there like that? But I thought, if it's a ritual, if bodily functions like that are rituals of going for refuge in Buddha, then I felt it seems more better to sit down.

[17:27]

It seems more solemn. Like rather than, okay, I'll just do it the easy way. I'm not saying you can't take refuge standing, but If you really meant this as a ritual, if you meant this bodily function as a ritual, wouldn't you take a dignified posture? Wouldn't you sit down and say, okay, here we go? And the other thing about ritual, well, I'll mention this later, So I suggest to this woman, you know, you are who you are right now before me, but if you don't practice the ritual of being who you are, you miss that you're being who you are. And I say that to myself and I say that to you. If you don't practice being who you are, you will miss out on something called being you.

[18:30]

And that will be something that will be a great sorrow to the whole world because that's your job. moment by moment, to be who you are. And you're only the way you are. I'm only the way I am right now once. And now is the time for me to be this person. But if I don't practice being me, I miss it. And if I don't practice being me, I also don't practice going for refuge in Buddha. So I stumbled upon the something that being yourself and returning to Buddha are synonymous. If you really return to yourself, you will return to Buddha and you will realize that.

[19:32]

If you really return to Buddha, you will realize that you're returning to yourself And returning to yourself, I think maybe some people feel okay about that. It's non-sectarian. I like that. It's not really Buddhist. But I propose to you to consider that if you really return to yourself, you will realize you're returning to Buddha and vice versa. But if you don't yet want to return to Buddha, start with yourself. If you return to the place where you are right now, if you come back here and find the place you are right now, if you practice that ritual, the ritual, the ceremony of being where you are right now in this place, the practice of the Buddha will occur. and it will realize the truth.

[20:47]

And again realizing the truth will help you continue the practice of returning to where you are and finding your place moment by moment. And while I was talking to this woman a story came to my mind which I wanted to tell but I just didn't think there was going to be an opportunity to tell it, but when she brought this question to me, I realized what this story was about in a new way. Oh, it wasn't when I was talking to her. It was when somebody else came up to him to talk to me. And this person said that he came up to talk to me and he said he felt dread being there with me.

[21:53]

He came up and he was like really a tall man, about seven feet tall, and he said that he felt dread being with me. He said when he actually came up there and felt himself with me, he felt afraid. It was very difficult for him to actually be there with me. And then I thought of this story which connects these things. And the name of the story is Fear and Dread. It's the name of a scripture. And in this scripture, which is called Fear and Dread, the Buddha is approached by a Brahmin. The Buddha, the Indian Buddha, the Buddha who lived in India, is approached by a Brahmin. And the Brahmin says, the Brahmin's name is Janu Soli.

[22:59]

The Brahmin's paid his respects to the Buddha and they had some amiable talk and then he said, he addressed the Buddha and he said, are you the leader and the teacher and the guide for all these people here? Do they follow your example? And the Buddha said, yes, I am their teacher, I am their guide. And they do follow my example. And then the Brahmin said, but don't you go out into the jungle thickets of the forest and practice meditation out there? Don't you go into solitude in the dense jungle? And when you get there, doesn't that place give rise to fear and dread and disturb your mind and make it difficult to enjoy solitude and be at peace and be concentrated?

[24:17]

And if you do that, if you go out into the forest like that and have in the past gone out in the forest, don't these people follow you? And isn't that a bad example? which if they follow, they won't be able to enjoy solitude and their minds will not calm down and they'll be just terribly scared. So how come he set that example, basically, is what he asked. And the Buddha said, well, you're right. When people go out into the forest, like into those forest areas I'm talking about, they do become frightened, usually, and it's hard for them to enjoy solitude. But that's because their minds are not yet settled and purified. Before my mind was settled and purified, when I went out into the forest, my mind was actually full of dread and fear.

[25:24]

And I couldn't enjoy solitude in the forest retreats. But my mind is no longer like that. My mind is purified. And therefore, for me, the jungle thickets are a place of joyful resort and peace. Before I Realize the purified mind. When I went into the jungle and I became frightened, I discovered a practice. If I was walking and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to walk. until the fear and dread passed away.

[26:28]

If I was sitting in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would just continue to sit. If I was standing in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to stand until they passed away. If I was reclining in the forest and fear and dread arose in me, I would continue to recline until they passed away." And now I would speak differently than the Buddha spoke. In this way, I found my place in the forest. I returned to where I was and found my place. And the practice occurred and fear and dread were relieved. And I also found something else there. I found the Buddha.

[27:30]

The Buddha, before being Buddha, returned to Buddha and realized Buddha. the Buddha took refuge in Buddha and realized Buddha. The Buddha returned to where he was in the jungle in the dreadful situation, a situation well worthy to be frightened. Poisonous snakes and insects, wild carnivorous giants inhabited those Indian jungles and he was out there with them. Not to mention demons and all kinds of disturbed spirits untamed by their oppression of civilization. He went into that place and he found where he was and he found Buddha.

[28:40]

And he became Buddha. He realized Buddha by going for refuge in Buddha. The Buddha goes for refuge in Buddha. All Buddhas have gone for refuge over and over until and thereby realized Buddhahood. They did the ritual, which is the same as returning to where you are and whatever comes up, do not move. If you're walking, do not move, which means keep walking. As a ritual, to find your place right where you are. Every moment is an opportunity to find your place right where you are, to return to where Buddha is realized, which is here. We must practice being who we are, where we are now, in order to realize who we are, where we are now.

[29:46]

At the end of this discourse on fear and dread and how to become free of them, the Buddha, well actually, Janasoli says, both, thank you so much, Lord Buddha. May I take refuge in you. May I become your disciple. And the Buddha says, you may. Come. Come home. And Janasoli becomes the Buddha's disciple. And then the Buddha says, you may think, or one may think, that since I still do the practice of going into the forest, that I'm kind of dependent on it or attached to it. That I'm not free of the rituals that I performed to realize Buddhahood. But that wouldn't be true Buddhahood if I was attached to the forms. But I am Buddha and I'm not attached to the forms that I use to realize Buddhahood.

[31:04]

I continue to do these forms for two reasons. One, because I like to. And two, to set an example for the future generations. We do need to return to Buddha in order to realize Buddhahood. And when we realize Buddha, we don't have to return to Buddha anymore. we realize where we are. No longer need the ceremony, need the ritual. The ritual has served its purpose. However, once we don't need it anymore, now we practice it just for fun. And to show other people an example, a form that they can use to find themselves. Or to show them the form of finding themselves so they can find Buddha. Also recently an older person came to me and said that she was feeling some aversion to aging.

[32:20]

Some aversion. She didn't say it, but you can elaborate on that, like dislike. Some people even hate getting old. Some people do all kinds of anti-aging type of activity. There's various anti-aging products that one can buy. Anti-aging skin cream, vitamins, exercise programs, anti-aging. Anyway, she said she was feeling some aversion to aging, and she said, kind of like a dread. I guess I kind of feel like a dread. The dread's more basic, I'd say. the dread of aging and then you can try to, then once you have the dread then you can try to like find some way to avoid it or slow it down or go to some resort. Go to a spa. And she mentioned this to me in the context of our community where lots of people are sick

[33:33]

aging, dying, injured. So many sick people in our community, so many people are aging. And she admitted, she's not really that unhealthy right now, I shouldn't say she's not really that challenged, but she still felt some dread. And I thought again of this sutra. And I thought, well, you know, I was talking to her, I said, you know, I mentioned the sutra to her, and I said, It's like we don't have to go in the jungle. We don't have to go in the jungle thicket where there's tigers and huge venomous snakes and elephants and lions and poisonous insects and malaria. We don't have to go. Our body is good enough. Our body is a good enough place to have fear and dread come up.

[34:37]

But in this story, John slowly did come up to the Buddha and say, Are you the example of these people? Are you their teacher? Yes. Well, how come you inhabit a human body? Isn't that difficult to be at peace in a human body? You're setting a bad example. But he could have. Nowadays, when the teachers don't go into the jungle anymore, you can just say, well, how come you're in a human body? Isn't that like a dangerous place? Isn't it hard to be calm and joyful in a human body? And the Buddha would say, yeah, it actually is. It's like dreadful and frightening to be in a human body. And it was for me, too, before my mind was purified. But now my mind is purified.

[35:48]

So now a human body is a place of joy. A human body that's always in danger of being ripped to shreds and becoming sick, it's a place of joyful solitude. because I found my place in the human body. And I stay in the human body. I don't need to. The Buddha doesn't need to. You can check out anytime she wants. Easy. Once you find your place, you can check out. But I keep coming back to this human body because I like to. I like to practice in a human body. I like to practice with my illness, with my aging, with my sickness, with my injuries, with my brokenness. I love to practice here. And so I do. And I also want to show other people a form where they can practice the Buddha way, a human body with all its problems.

[36:59]

all this impermanence. And again, when fear and dread arise in this body, don't move. If you're walking, keep walking. Don't move from the place you are and you will find yourself, you will find Buddha. You will be practicing going for refuge, which all Buddhas have done by going for refuge, not just in a human body, but whatever body you have. I don't want to sell Buddhism.

[38:09]

I don't like selling Buddhism. But I'm happy to give Buddhism. I'm happy to give you the tradition. I don't want to sell it. But sometimes when I give it, it sounds like a sales pitch. Because some of the things that are given are so neat, so wonderful. So I caution you now. What is it called? Is it caveat emptor? Is that it? Caveat emptor, buyer beware. But this isn't buying, this is just being given. Or maybe receiver, how it would be in Latin. Receiver beware. You are being given the Buddha's gifts. The Buddha's gifts. Now the gifts that I'm going to give to tell you about are the gifts that you receive when you go for refuge. Going for refuge is super simple. basic practice of being where you are, right? But it has extraordinary benefits and blessings.

[39:12]

And I can think of eight of them. Some people like numbers, some people don't. Here's eight virtues, eight merits of going for refuge in Buddha. One, you become a disciple of Buddha. When you return to Buddha, you become a disciple of Buddha. Two, you have a foundation in the precepts. Because the first precept of our tradition is going for refuge in Buddha. It's the number one precept. When you go for refuge, you set your foundation in the number one precept. 3. Karmic obstructions are reduced. 4. An ocean of blessing and merit is assembled.

[40:27]

5. You do not fall into terrible destinies anymore. you happily visit those who are in terrible destinies without fear. You can enter any destiny fearlessly. you will not be disturbed by human beings anymore. Also you will not be disturbed by non-human beings. Seven, you will accomplish good deeds easily. Eight, you will receive the ability to become Buddha. If we, if I, can always be mindful of these extraordinary merits of going for refuge and

[41:33]

practice the ritual of going for refuge, we will easily enter the Buddha way and live it. So simple, so basic, going for refuge in the Buddha. doing the ritual of being who you are right now. Of finding your place now. And again. I think Suzuki Hiroshi might recommend finding it on your exhale. On each exhale, come back to where you are. Now, he might also say, you can find your place where you are, inhale and exhale, too. But inhaling and exhaling, find your place right where you are.

[42:38]

Come back to where you are. Come back to Buddha. And if I forget to come back here, to come back to Buddha, I confess and repent. I'm ashamed I have not been present That's one of the main things that I think I am ashamed of as a father, of not being present. I loved my children, but I sometimes neglected to be present. And the same as a disciple of Buddha, as a Buddha's child, and as a disciple of Buddha who's a father I sometimes forget to be here and that I confess and repent.

[43:41]

I do not like missing the opportunity to be here and to practice going for refuge in Buddha. And the thing which I postponed earlier was that the ritual that in practicing the ritual of returning here to Buddha, the merit of it is fully realized when you realize you're going for refuge in Buddha, but you're doing it with Buddha. You're not going for refuge by yourself. You're doing it with the Buddha, together with the Buddha. A few days ago, I guess it was like on, I think it was like on Tuesday or Monday before last, some of us were up with Michael Sawyer, who just, who died last Thursday.

[45:03]

No, not this Thursday. the Thursday before last. He died and we were with him and I asked if I could sing a song and people said, okay. Oh no, I got it wrong. Got it wrong. It was after he died. Got it wrong. It was on Friday. Not this weekend, but Friday the 6th. He had died on Thursday the 5th. So on Friday the 6th, we were sitting with him, and I asked if I could sing a song. And the living people said, okay. Okay. So the song I sang was Old Man River.

[46:05]

And after singing it, his brother said that that was their father's favorite song. And so they grew up with that song. His father used to sing that to them and play the organ to it at the same time. In particular, their father loved Paul Robeson, who made the song famous. So shall we sing it? It seems like kind of a Father's Day song. Now this song, as you may know, has very high notes and very low notes. Paul Robeson could sing really, really deep tones way down there. So it's hard to pick a place to start, but let's just kind of start high because we've got to go low.

[47:09]

Tell me something about Paul Robeson changed a couple of words today. Instead of tired of living and feared of dying, he said, but I'll keep living until I die. So the original lyrics maybe was tired of living and feared of dying, and he changed it to but I'll keep living until I'm dying." We could try that, see if we can do it. Old Mount River, that Old Mount River. He don't say nothing. He must know something. He just keeps rolling. He keeps on rolling along. He don't plant taters, he don't plant cotton.

[48:17]

And them that plants them are soon forgotten. But old one river, he just keeps rolling along. You and me, we sweat and toil, body all aching and wracked with pain. Tote that barge, lift that bale, get a little drunk and you land in jail. I get weary and sick of trying. I'll keep on living while I'm dying. But old Han River, it just keeps rolling along.

[49:23]

Rolling along. Keep those doggies rolling. Keep those doggies rolling. One more thing I wanted to mention was that in going for refuge in Buddha, sometimes the way we say it is, you know, I take refuge in Buddha as the most honored one in the world of bipeds. the most honored two-footed one. That's one way the Buddha is described. But I just learned that that's another way to translate it is, I go for refuge in Buddha, the most honored of those of two perfections. The words, the two perfections, the perfections can also be called feet.

[50:28]

the feet, or the foot, the foundation. And the two perfections of the Buddha are perfections of merit and perfections of wisdom. So we take refuge in Buddha, the world-honored one of the two-footed, but also the world-honored one of the merit and wisdom. And Buddha's wisdom is never thinking. Always, I should say, always not thinking. And the Buddha's merit is always thinking. Always thinking of the welfare of beings and generating a world of merit and always not thinking and generating the world of wisdom. These two feet of the Buddha are the most honored. And we return to these two feet, to these two Perfections. So keep those doggies rolling.

[51:33]

Is there anything you'd like to discuss? Yes. I'd like to express myself. All this time I've been hearing the words of Apple Deferocity. For the first time it makes me feel like I'm talking over 90 lines. Yes, that's right. Congratulations on finding that. Would you please touch her back?

[53:08]

Thank you. Yes? I'm wondering what is the determining factor that determines what I thought is ceremonious or ceremonious? Starting from sort of the top, for a person who realizes the truth,

[54:13]

that the realization of truth would be the condition that would make everything that person, every action of that person would be a ritual. So for such people, such wise beings, everything they do is ritual. Because they understand all phenomena, all actions, and all things that aren't actions are empty. So then they understand that their actions are empty, means their actions have no independent existence from other beings' actions. So beings that understand that, then they see that their action is a way to embody and celebrate that truth. So for those kinds of beings, that would be the condition which would make and allow them to understand that You know, you can't do anything by yourself.

[55:17]

So that's another way to talk about it, is that when you understand that you can't do anything, then all your action isn't really doing anything, all your action is ceremony, celebrating your lack of independence, your lack of having an ability to do things all by yourself. So then you're kind of like ritually or ceremonially demonstrating the truth by every gesture, every thought. If we don't yet understand the truth, then we may offer our action in relationship to the truth, offer our action in relationship to other beings. We don't yet understand how everything we do is supported by other beings, so we do a ritual where we make what we're doing an offering to our relationship with other beings. What we see as our action doesn't actually reach our relationship, but it realizes it.

[56:25]

And the more we do, the more we act in relationship, understanding the limited quality of our little action, the more we offer our limited action to our relationship with all beings, the more we realize our relationship with all beings in our limited action. Yes. The basic action in the Buddha Dharma is your thinking. Mental construction is the most basic type of karma. And then from mental construction, I speak and I make gestures. If my mind constructs that I'm playing baseball, then my body behaves one way. If my mental construction is that we're having a conversation, I speak. So the way I think is my basic action.

[57:32]

So I can think, oh, I'd like to drink some tea. But I also can say, well, but this is a ritual, this drinking the tea. A ritual of what? A ritual to realize the truth of tea drinking, namely that I cannot drink this tea by myself. And then when I do the ritual, I more and more realize my relationship with beings as I touch the cup and lift the cup. It's always there. You're always supporting me when I drink my tea. But if I don't practice going back to that reality, I can miss it. And then I think, oh, I'm lifting the cup by myself and you're not helping me. and my tea drinking isn't supporting you, I can have such a delusion.

[58:38]

Does that give you some feeling? Yes? I really appreciate you talking about the limitations of living in the body, especially as I get older, and one thing that concerns me is I didn't acquire when I was young the discipline, per se, in a particular way, and it seemed very hard to acquire it. And my days of age, you know... It's hard to acquire, but it's easy to lose. But not having it. I'm not quite sure how to approach, you know, Well, it would be that whatever posture you're in, make that posture going for refuge in Buddha. Whatever posture you're in, find your place in that posture.

[59:39]

Don't look for another posture that may look more classical or classy. The one you've got, the one you're practicing in right now, you're practicing being this body, finding your place with this body. Things may change and you may be able to sit some way you'd like to sit that you haven't been able to sit. But things may also change so that you can't even sit the way you're sitting now. Suzuki Roshi, the founder of Zen Center, I think he had quite good posture, but he said when he was old, I should say, he said when he was towards the later part of his life, he said, now I'm getting old, so I can't sit up straight anymore.

[60:42]

He still, I think, looked pretty good to us, the way he sat. But he felt that he was not able to sit up straight like he was able to earlier in his life. But he said, I can't sit up straight anymore, but I can try. You can try to sit up straight. And when you're trying to sit up straight, you can be that person who's trying to sit up straight. You may not be able to sit up straight, but you can try. And you can be that person. And being that person is the point because that's who you are. And trying to sit up straight is a good situation to be present because you're actually, because you're trying to sit up straight, you are kind of present with that posture. So you've already kind of settled into your position. Now do it completely.

[61:45]

Completely be the person who's trying to set up straight. And then fear and dread drop away. And then the next moment, with the next posture. I guess I have fear and dread in trying to injure something. Yeah, yeah. If you try, you may injure something. And if you don't try, you may injure something. Having a human body is subject to death, loss of health, loss of youth, loss of mind, and so on. Loss of... loss of everything dear to you. That's what comes, the potential of losing everything dear to you comes with the human body. And it also comes with all other bodies, too.

[62:47]

And being mindful of that is part of sobering up and being willing to be the body we are. And I thought Siddharth Girishy did a pretty good job of being the body he was towards the end of his life when he was really sick with, you know, liver cancer. First of all, he had gallbladder cancer. Then he had liver cancer. And I thought he did an excellent job of being a sick student of Zen. A sick Dharma student. And our great teacher. After a while, he couldn't sit up at all. Couldn't go to the Zendo anymore. Couldn't give us Dharma talks anymore. Couldn't have Doksana with us anymore. But he could be sick, really.

[63:50]

He was just really good at being just like he was, even when it was really, really difficult to be there. So that was a great teaching for us. to watch the way he was present with his cancer. Yes? The ritual of seeing. Mental distraction. Imagination keeps us from that connection. Just like some children say, you're not my parents.

[64:51]

They imagine that they have somebody else as their parents. Doesn't really make them not their parents, but we can imagine that we're separate. And again, returning to the person who imagines that he's separate, I realize I'm not. Buddha is not an experience. Buddha is your actual relationship with everybody. It's not an experience. It's your actual state. You can have an experience of Buddha, but the experience of Buddha is not Buddha. Some people have experiences of Buddha, which is great and wonderful, but Buddha is not a state, it's our actual condition. And so our experience cannot reach it. But if our experience

[65:54]

is the ritual of going for refuge in Buddha, that experience realizes it. The experience doesn't experience it, the experience manifests it, embodies it. It embodies what it can't reach. Just like any ritual form, is ultimate truth. But the ritual form doesn't reach the ultimate truth. The ultimate truth is the truth of the ritual form. Does it experience itself? No, it doesn't experience itself either. The nature of things is that they don't experience themselves. The nature of things is that they're interdependent. And that they have no self, independent of other things.

[66:56]

And that lack of independence, that selflessness, accompanies all things. So a color is actually, the nature of color is that it's vast space. You can't find the color. There's no beginning or end to color, actually. And that ungraspable nature of a color is its truth, its ultimate truth. But a color isn't a practice. Whereas a body and a mind, the nature of the body is also the truth or emptiness. But a body can take a posture, a body can speak, a body has thinking. And if our action becomes a ritual celebration, a ritual enactment, the body doesn't reach the emptiness. The emptiness is the nature of the body. The ritual doesn't reach the Buddha.

[67:59]

The Buddha is the nature of the ritual. So we have to understand that our ritual doesn't reach the truth, but our ritual realizes the truth. it makes it real, it makes it embodied, you embody it. But the body doesn't reach the truth. If you think it reaches it, you're distracted from the body. But if you give yourself to your body, if you give yourself to your thinking, if you give yourself to your speech completely and be right there, and then this now is the enactment of a form which is actually emptiness. All emptiness is form. All ultimate truth is conventional truth. And all conventional things are ultimate things. We have to enact that, otherwise we won't realize it.

[69:04]

We have to make what we're doing a ritual of returning to that understanding. without confusing that form doesn't become emptiness. Form is already emptiness. Emptiness is the nature of form. The truth is the truth of the way things actually are. So I make what's going on now, which is not the way things are, It's a superficial way that things are. And I make the superficial thing. I brush in my teeth, a ritual to celebrate the Buddha. A ritual to go for refuge in the truth, to go for refuge in the Buddha, and to go for refuge in my relationship. Three treasures. Or my sitting practice, or my bowing, or my study, or sitting with a sick person, or cooking lunch. Whatever I'm doing, whatever I'm doing, that thing is emptiness.

[70:08]

That thing is ungraspable. So I wish this thing, I offer this thing as a ceremony of truth. And I know this ceremony does not reach the truth, but the truth is right there. And the more I practice that way, the more the truth illuminates my little activities. My little activities become more and more filled with the light of Buddha's wisdom. So how can I be constant in going for refuge no matter what I'm doing? That's the challenge. So your action and your performance can be the truth itself. And it is the truth itself. It's not quite the truth itself, and yet it is the truth itself. Because your action doesn't really reach the truth because your action is the thing you're dealing with. You can kind of grasp. Yeah, but if you don't reach, if there's no reaching, Yes. Then it is.

[71:10]

The action is it. Right. But the rituals are the truth itself. Yeah. Yeah. And the non-rituals are the truth itself too. Right. Yes. [...] That's right. Right. Yeah. Right. Yeah. The tiger is going to eat us anyway, no matter what we do. But if we're practicing...

[72:13]

going for refuge, that when the tiger eats us, we're not afraid. That we actually offer our body as a gift to the tiger. Since the tiger is eating us, let's be friends. Since you're eating me, this is a gift. You're not taking my arm, I'm giving it to you. And I've been practicing a long time to be able to do this. I'm so happy that I'm able to give my arm rather than you taking it. This is wonderful. Rather advanced practice, I'd say. The tiger might stop and say, what are you talking about? You're a strange lunch. Yeah, so it's not that if we're fearless that we won't be killed. It's that we're fearless, you know, we'll give our life.

[73:35]

And if we give our life, we won't be afraid. But we still may look like we're getting killed. But even people who don't look like they're being killed, you know, who are sitting peacefully in their bed, but it doesn't look like anybody's killing them, they can feel afraid because they're not willing to be where they are and they're not giving themselves generously to their situation so that they can be afraid even though... as though they were being killed. Yes. I'm speaking from the conventional level of having a body, and that this body is my body and it's not your body. And that kind of, what do you call it, dreadful situation to be in conventional existence is dreadful because conventionalities, all conventionalities can be lost or threatened.

[74:58]

So, you know, so why would we come into conventionality? If we were wise, why would we come into conventionality? Well, because I enjoy being in conventionality, if I'm wise, and also I want to set an example to other people who are living in conventionality who are afraid of it, to show them that if we really accept conventionality wholeheartedly and making our conventional experience going for refuge, we realize the ultimate, which is not graspable but is realizable in the form of not being afraid, of being joyful about living in a body, about joyful about meeting tigers, about joyful about tigers being nearby but not coming to visit. All kinds of relationships in the conventional world

[76:04]

And again, I'd be happy to live here to show other people how to live with a conventional life with fearlessness and generosity. Yes? So, one of the things about not being afraid in the jungle is just the first group. So, if you're able to lift your feet, you know, you don't have to do this. So, thinking of that, you know, can you give, can you talk about how people are there? I'd be happy. But there is the way, you know, you're being here.

[77:10]

I've heard that they put you out, even if you were staying out. So, how do you submit to that? You know, how do you do that? Well, I've been trying so hard. So, I've been trying to be Well, can I start with what the Buddha did? When the fear came, if the Buddha was sitting, the Buddha just kept sitting. That's the way he did it. He became the fear, he became the dread, so he just completely accepted that. And he was completely generous with that. He let the frightened self be the frightened self. He gave the frightened self to the frightened self and then forgot the frightened self.

[78:12]

In the wholeness of giving yourself to being afraid, you're not afraid anymore. So whatever situation the Buddha was in, when the fear came, he didn't run away from it. He just completely was generous with himself in that condition. That's how he worked with it in that story. And he became free of that and it went on to become you know, that's not the end of the story. Then he went through more and more levels of realization from that place, but we have to first of all come to the place and accept the place, and then the practice starts rolling forward, realizing the truth more and more deeply. So I didn't get into the rest of the discourse, but he had other realizations after arriving home and coming to take refuge in where he was. But basically when you complete refuge you become free of fear and then you can really start studying the truth and unfolding it.

[79:17]

But we have to start, the hard part is to really be here with this self and let this person be who he is. And especially when he's afraid. It's very difficult. Now, it's easier when you're afraid in a way than when you're angry because a lot of people go from fear to anger. So you have to be the angry person And then after you're being the angry person, then you can be the frightened person. And if you're the frightened person, generously you become the generous person. And now you're entering the path. Which is, again, to say it's hard to take refuge when you're angry. But if you can, And if you do, you take refuge as an angry person. That doesn't happen very often that people can do that, but if you could. But if you can't take refuge, you start by trying to be gracious to your anger. And if you're gracious with your anger, then you get to see maybe that you're actually afraid underneath the anger. Then be generous with the fear, and then you start to realize that you're really going for refuge by this practice.

[80:22]

Does that give you some sense? In Buddhist psychology, wholesome states of consciousness don't always have shame, but they always have the... actually they do often have shame. Shame means self-respect in a way. Shame means you know the kind of father you want to be and when you're not that way you feel not good.

[81:30]

So wholesomeness kind of depends on a sense of shame or a sense of regret if you don't do what you know is in accord with your self-respect. Yes, shame is very helpful in the Buddhist teaching. I understand that it's a more complicated word now, but the main problem is the inability to be ashamed if you do some bad thing. If you're unskillful and don't feel any shame, that's really unhelpful. So it doesn't mean you're always ashamed by everything you do. It's just that you have the ability to feel ashamed of yourself or to feel self-respect. And feeling self-respect, if you do certain things, you say, this is not good. This is not the way I want to be. I want to be more skillful.

[82:33]

That wasn't skillful. I wasn't paying attention. I can do better. I can do things more mindfully and so on. So being unmindful, if I'm unmindful, I feel a little ashamed of myself, at least a little bit, because I actually don't like to be unmindful. But also if I get really tense about being mindful, I don't like, I feel kind of ashamed of being tense and taking myself so seriously, you know, like I got to be this great mindfulness person. This is a really big deal. That's too much. So I feel kind of ashamed of that. So I feel I have the ability to be sincerely mindful and relaxed and not taking myself too seriously and yet try to do a good job of what I'm doing. And then when I'm not that way, I feel kind of ashamed or off base. in some sense, I don't know what the root of the word shame is, but what I mean kind of by shame is you're kind of off base from Buddha.

[83:42]

You feel kind of away from Buddha. And so when you feel away from Buddha then you confess that you feel kind of off base and then you come back to Buddha again. So it's traditional before you return to Buddha to kind of admit that you've been distracted and off base, that there's been some shortcoming in your intimacy with reality and you confess that, that helps you go back to the center And some element of shame or sorrow is part of the getting back on track. Why don't you say that it's important that shame, shame is wholesome when it comes from inside, but we should never lay it on somebody else. Right, yeah, we don't shame other people. That shaming other people is not our way.

[84:47]

But when we feel something in ourselves that's where we feel uncomfortable with the way we're behaving, this is helpful. It promotes wholesomeness. Anybody else? Any other feedback or questions? Yes? I have a question that I felt a little bit silly, but I have a really amazing opportunity in my life right now, but it's also very financially out of my price range. And so for the last few months, I've had a lot of fear and doubt and self-absorption, taking myself really seriously, trying to make a decision right now. I don't really know what my question is, but I'm wondering if there's, like, a Buddhist approach, sort of, to, like, fear and loving. If that makes any sense.

[85:52]

I don't know. And how do you cut through that monkey mind and just be with that core experience itself, or that core experience of truth? Do you have some questions? Well, I'm having trouble not coming up with a similar answer. But if I have monkey mind, then I want to find my place in monkey mind. I want to find my place right here in monkey mind. So it's not just monkey mind, it's finding my place in monkey mind. which includes that I'm gracious with monkey mind. I'm not trying to get rid of monkey mind. I'm not trying to hold on to monkey mind.

[86:54]

I just happen to be in a place where monkey mind seems to be manifesting. And I kind of, I give monkey mind to monkey mind. And if I can be right there, the practice will occur there. That way of being, that way of practicing with monkey mind allows for the realization of truth. The core realization of truth is at the core of monkey mind too. But if I vibrate and resist or shrink back from monkey mind, or try to squash monkey mind, I miss the core truth of monkey mind. All things are characterized by ultimate truth, including monkey mind. And you might feel like, well, it's easier for me to settle with, I don't know, serene mind than monkey mind.

[87:59]

Maybe so. Maybe monkey mind is really hard to be gracious with. Maybe it's more of a challenge to the hostess to be gracious with monkey mind than with serene, warm, compassionate mind. But whatever mind it is, its core, not its core, but its true nature is the same. So anything you take care of in this gracious way can be a door to the truth. So the practice is to give up discrimination and treat monkey mind like serene mind. To treat skillful mind like unskillful mind, treat them all the same. same practice with each dharma of graciousness and then the truth is revealed in all things. But some things are really difficult to be gracious with.

[89:05]

And that's how our graciousness grows, by practicing it with things we've never been able to be gracious with before. And what's difficult for me to be gracious with may be easy for you, and what's easy for me may be hard for you. We all have our experiences that we have trouble really being gracious with, really being generous with. And then the graciousness then grows into these new territories by being challenged. Not, not, not, don't ask me to be gracious with this, not that. No, no, there's got to be some exceptions to this graciousness thing. Can we discriminate sometimes? Well, actually, you can, but it blocks the growth of wisdom if you discriminate and say, I'm not going to practice with this.

[90:12]

Does that make some sense? Yes. Yes. Going back to the other question. talk about shame and tone of that, like how does that move you forward perhaps, like what's the benefit? Oftentimes with fear, it's thought of, I'll just stop you, and if it was important, I don't go there, it's dangerous, don't move forward, don't take that, you know, whatever's being offered because you can't afford it, or you know, whatever it is. So, and I'm often in a similar situation, but my question is, fear, In the Buddhist way, how does that move us forward instead of stopping us?

[91:12]

How does fear move us forward? Well, I don't know. If you're walking on the earth, is the earth moving you forward? Can you see that the earth is moving you forward when you walk on it? Yeah. So if when fear comes, you practice with it, then practice, then fear is a place you're moving forward on practice. You're using the fear as an opportunity to practice. So then you could say the fear moves you forward. Anything that you practice with, you could say it moves you forward in the practice. Similarly, something quite nice like, I don't know what, a break from fear. a serene state, a state of joy, a state of gratitude, a state of insight. If such a state happens but you don't practice graciousness with it, then you get stuck in it.

[92:16]

Then you're not moving forward. You're kind of concerned with holding it rather than being there with it and really letting it be. So you can move forward with fear. Yeah. Yeah. For you at that time, that's the way it was. But you don't always have to have fear to move into the atlam. It's not necessary. It doesn't always have to be that way, but when it's there, use it. Use it as an opportunity to practice when it's there. And, yeah, it's there a lot. It's a lot of opportunities. Any people who haven't expressed themselves that they'd like to?

[93:27]

New people? Yes. Yes. Why is that opposite? Pardon? Oh, I see, you didn't stay with it. Yeah, yeah. Good. No. Welcome. Yes. Yes. I guess with your comment about embracing both the non-thinking mind and the thinking mind, you know, as I hear the questions related to perhaps financial or other questions, I guess the question is, how do you decide whether you want to approach the thought of the thinking mind or the thinking mind?

[94:45]

How do I decide? I don't know how I decide, but I generally vow or intend to start with not thinking. So I try to start with that all the time. Because that actually is first. First is not thinking. First is not moving. Now if I can't do that, if I just say, I can't start with not doing, well then I try to be nice. You know, try to be gentle and calm and not overbearing or nasty with whatever's coming up. To be really patient and serene. And then, don't do anything. That's where I start. And from that place the action comes, the thinking comes.

[95:47]

But the thinking that comes from not thinking, the thinking that comes from not taking any action on some situation, that thinking is the thinking which I want. That's the bodhisattva action. But if you miss not acting on some situation, then you miss the bodhisattva action. The bodhisattva action happens in the place where you don't do anything. It is sweet. It's the greatest sweetness. The sweetest action happens in the place where you stop. all creating, stop all construction, I should say. When you stop all construction, creation appears. But if you're going to react to things without noticing that before anything happens, you're there.

[96:57]

When something happens, you actually don't do anything. You're just there observing the way it is. And that's the place where action comes. the kind of action we want. But I don't do the action of deciding which I'm going to do. I go for refuge to that place. I want to go for refuge to that place, so I make what I'm doing returning to that place. Like right now, I'm making my talk to you returning to the place where Buddha's action arises. In that place, I'm not trying to do anything, which is another way to say I'm being generous. Generosity is not really thinking anything. It's just letting things be. Letting your thinking be your thinking is not further thinking.

[98:01]

I think you said at some point, one of the ways one can distract from embracing the true self is by inspiration. There's something really like that. Without imagination, where would we be? No, he was just asking how would you distract yourself, and I said you can do it with your imagination. But that doesn't mean that your imagination is only used for distraction. It's just that one of the ways you can use your imagination is to distract yourself. And there's almost no way to distract yourself except with your imagination. You can only imagine not being here. You can't not be here. But you can imagine not being here. That's the main way you're going to not be here is by dreaming up that you can be someplace else.

[99:14]

But you can also imagine being here. You could also imagine giving up trying to go away from here. You can also imagine not thinking. You can use your imagination to think or to not think. You can use your imagination to give up thinking or to do more. You can use your imagination to make your thinking a gift. So these are uses of imagination. But you can also imagine that you're not me, or you can imagine you'd rather not be me, or I'd rather not be myself, I'd rather be somebody else. I could dream up such stories. Does that make more sense? Can all these things be done without imagination?

[100:22]

can be without imagination, yes. That's part of what the Buddha is, is the way things are without any imagination. The total absence of imagination. No construction about what's going on. Not even the construction of things happening. Not even that. Total unconstructive reality. That's part of what the... What? Ordinary knowing does not apply. That's right. However, that's a way of being that Buddhas are. They're not into that. But if somebody wants them to know they're Buddhas and over in the side of thinking, they can also think. They can also construct, and they can construct, I'm Buddha. They can do that. But over here they're not thinking, they're not knowing they're Buddha.

[101:25]

They're just Buddha. When Buddhas, we say, when Buddhas are truly Buddhas, they don't necessarily think, I'm Buddha. But they're still Buddhas. But they can think, they can think they're Buddhas if that helps people, they can think that. But they don't have to. Just once in a while they have to. Somebody says, where's Buddha? I say, over here. Where's Buddha's lunch? Right there. Where's Buddha's mouth? They can do that, but that's not primarily what they're up to. They're mostly thinking about how to help people. But also they're always not thinking simultaneously and not constructing. They're not, fundamentally they're not doing anything.

[102:30]

They have nothing. And because they have nothing, they have complete life. And their complete life is, you know, dedicated to creating opportunities for people to practice. So if we think we have something, it's not so much that we don't or do, it's just that it makes it hard for us to open to all the possibilities if we're sort of stuck on having something. So having nothing opens the door to life. And again, when we're feeling fairly healthy, it's harder. to not slip into thinking we have something. And when we see a lot of people are loving us, it's harder to see that we don't have anything. And it's true that people are loving us and that we're healthy, it's true.

[103:33]

It's just that we don't have anything. We don't have these people that love us. We don't have this health. We don't have anything. We don't possess anything. We just are and give away. We receive and give away. But we don't get to have anything in the process. It's hard for us to get that we don't get to have anything. It's hard. But sometimes people, if you make them sick enough, they get it. Are you sick enough? No, not yet. Okay, how about now? Okay, I get it. I don't have anything. We sometimes have to be pressured to realize you can't do anything. You could be striding down the street, breathing in and out, singing and dancing, and also realize you don't have anything. But it's harder.

[104:35]

It's easier when you get right up close to death and all your friends have left. and everybody looks like they don't care about you at all. That makes it a little easier to get it. But what you're talking about there is not true. But some falseness helps you get the truth sometimes. But even while everybody's being kind to you, you still can realize you don't have anything. That's fine right now to realize you don't have anything and realize you can't do anything. And when you really accept that, then you're not going to do anything and then you'll see the great activity. The amazing bodhisattva activity will blossom in the presence of that opening

[105:39]

You're just opening to a possibility, it's not a reality. It's just a possibility. I think it's time to stop. We're supposed to stop at quarter to, and it's quarter to. Thank you very much.

[105:59]

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