We often say that to study the way of Buddha is to study the self. To learn the way of awakening is to learn the self. Today, I would like to say it a little differently. To learn the Buddha way is to learn about stories. There is a self and the self is a story.

[01:05]

It's not that there's no self, it's that it's a story. Or it's an ongoing storytelling process. An ongoing process of storytelling. To learn about that process is to learn about the life of Buddha. When I'm in this valley, people don't very often come up to me and say, where do you live? Sometimes after a lecture, after the talks, people say, do you live here? Not everybody knows that I've been living here for a while.

[02:08]

But when I'm outside, people sometimes say, where do you live? I say, I live at Green Gulch Farm. And they say, well, what do you do there? So I usually tell them a story. and I don't tell the same story every time. Well, it's a story about what I do, so Should it be a different story every time? Not should, but it is. So I'm telling them what I do, but I tell them different things each time. Like sometimes people don't ask me where I live. They just say, are you a martial artist? When they see me outside. And I say, yes.

[03:13]

And they say, what kind? I say, Zen or Buddhist. And they say, well, how is Buddhism martial arts? And then I tell them a story about how Buddhism is martial arts. There's lots of martial arts stories in the Zen tradition about Zen practitioners practicing martial arts. Have you heard those stories? You haven't? Want to hear one? So once upon a time there was a Zen practitioner and a samurai came to see him. And she said, Master, would you teach me about the meaning of heaven and hell?

[04:17]

And the master said, well, I don't think I can. You're too arrogant and stupid. It would be a waste of my time. That was a story the Zen master told this samurai. The samurai became very angry and pulled out her sword. and was about to harm the Zen master. And the Zen master said, this is hell. And he set his sword down and with tears of gratitude bowed to the teacher. And the teacher says, this is heaven. So this is a story of martial arts.

[05:22]

of rendering the spirit to nonviolence by waking it up. And I heard stories about Zen practitioners when I lived in the middle of this continent around 50 years ago. And when I heard and read some of those stories, I thought, When I saw the characters in the story, I thought, I want to be like that person in the story. When I was a child and I heard stories about Jesus, I didn't think, I want to be like Jesus.

[06:37]

I thought Jesus was a good teacher, but Jesus seemed too advanced for me. like the walking on the water and the crucifixion and the resurrection. I thought, I didn't think I want to do that. But the Zen stories, I thought, that seemed attainable or realizable, the way they acted, and totally cool, yet a realizable cool. But in the stories, I didn't see the instruction about how to become as compassionate and flexible as they were and fearless and humorous as they were. But then I found out that almost all the people in all the stories, they did the same practice. And they called the practice sitting meditation.

[07:40]

So I thought, oh. And then I found out that it was actually quite simple to practice it. All you need to do is sit and meditate. And then by doing that, you'll become really cool. Or at least that's what I heard. So then I tried to sit and practice being cool. And I really enjoyed it. But I had other things to do. So sometimes the space between these training sessions was far apart, like weeks or more. And then I got the idea, well, maybe actually it should be like a regular thing rather than just when you happen to have time. Maybe it should be part of your, maybe if you did train them more, that this exquisite coolness would come with more likelihood.

[08:56]

So I tried to do it more regularly, but I actually had a hard time doing it regularly. And I actually heard stories about people who did it regularly. And those were the stories about the people in the stories. They did it regularly. They weren't just lucky. They were diligent in practicing meditation. And then they just got really cool. and they could respond so nicely to people who asked them if they were martial artists or who demanded various things of them and insulted them and so on. I just told you a story about myself So then I came to visit the newly established monastery in the mountains of California called Zen Mountain Center at Tassajara.

[10:19]

I went to visit there at the beginning of the first, at the end of the first practice period. I went to visit because I thought, anyways, I thought it would be good to go to visit, so I did. And then I thought maybe I should move to San Francisco and practice with the Zen Center because maybe if I practice with a group of people who practiced every day I could be regular because I couldn't be regular on my own. So I came to practice there and sure enough, living with a group or near a group, it wasn't so difficult to practice every day. And I also thought if I had if I could talk to some of those people in those ancient stories and I said, I want to be like you, they might have said to me, why do you want to be like me?

[11:30]

They might have said that, but I couldn't talk to them, so I didn't say that. But if they'd asked me, why do I want to be like them? I would say, because of your stories. Your stories about you are really attractive. And they might have said, oh, okay. When I came to San Francisco, there was a group and there was also a teacher who taught this method of training of sitting meditation. And one of the main ways he taught was by telling stories. He taught the meditation by telling stories. The meditation, the sitting meditation, is actually to sit upright and study yourself. Learn about yourself. Because sitting upright, or being upright and studying yourself, as you learn about yourself, you learn the Buddha way.

[12:31]

As you study the story of yourself sitting on a cushion, As you study the story of your sitting in a room with other people and your body breathing and your attempt to pay attention, as you study that story, you learn about yourself. As you study the story of, I didn't meditate very well today, you study the story of yourself. As you study the story of, I did, I sat today and I meditated well. As you study that story, you learn about yourself. So when you practice Zen training, you spend some time sitting in a room quietly with other people. At your place in the room, you're sitting there, and while you're sitting there, Like it or not, stories are being told. I'm meditating here.

[13:39]

I'm having trouble staying awake. I have some discomfort in my knees. I'm scared. I'm ashamed. I'm doing really well. I'm an excellent student. I'm practicing with all these people and I'm sitting here in order to support their happiness. These are stories which occur in the minds of meditators when they're sitting together. And of course these stories go on forever when they're sitting here quietly. Each person has a consciousness and in that consciousness there are stories being told. Every day many new stories are told all day long and so when they come in this room the stories go on. And the stories are different in the early morning. Some people don't like to come in the morning because the stories are so quiet.

[14:41]

They'd rather come later when they're more interesting. Some people like the quiet ones so they come in the morning and they don't come in the afternoon because they don't like the afternoon stories. Some people come all the time because they don't like any of the stories, but they're committed to learn about them because learning about them, learning about them is learning about the Buddha way. So one can do that when one's sitting upright quietly. You can study your stories and learn the self and learn the Buddha way. And again, while you're sitting there, one of the main stories is, this is really hard to sit here and study these stories. This is really not very interesting. So then you go off on some story, which is called not studying stories, which is called just being caught up in stories and being really happy or miserable.

[15:44]

But not studying. So, If you don't study your stories, then you don't study yourself. If you don't study yourself, you don't study your stories. And if you don't study your stories, which are going on anyway, then you miss the chance of studying the way of Buddha. If you don't learn about your stories, if you miss the opportunity of learning about your stories, you miss the opportunity of learning about number one. the self. Learning about number one, you forget about number one, and you remember enlightenment, which actually you forgot for a while. I'm not going to push this thought away.

[16:51]

Here it is. I heard that Freud said that somebody, I think maybe human beings, are powerful, isolated fantasy machines. powerful isolated fantasy machines. And when I first heard that, I thought, that's a very interesting statement. And then as time went on, I thought, I would change it to powerful interdependent fantasizing machines. And one of the main fantasies of the interdependent fantasizing organisms, one of their main fantasies is that they're isolated They fantasize that they're separate from other beings. They fantasize that their stories are separate from other people and their stories. Have you ever seen a fantasy like that?

[17:57]

That your stories are separate from other people's stories? Or your stories are different from other people's stories and not connected? So I would say we are powerful, interdependent, storytelling, living beings. So one way to study it is sit quietly and look at the stories, look at the self. The other way is go and meet a teacher and share your study of your stories with somebody else who witnesses your observing of your stories. There's two contexts. One's kind of intra-psychic, looking inward to your psychic storytelling operation and learn the self and learn the Buddha way, okay? The other one is go meet another storyteller

[19:04]

and tell your story with somebody witnessing your storytelling. See how that study of the storytelling goes. Does that make sense? Now if somebody outside this valley asks me where I live and I say I live here, they say, what do you do? So again, I can say, well, I practice friendship. I practice friendship to humans and non-humans in that valley. What do you do in that valley? I aspire to practice friendship with the humans and the non-humans in the valley. What non-humans? Well, maple trees, particularly Japanese maple. grass, bamboo, wisteria.

[20:09]

We just recently made a trellis for the wisteria to climb on so it can go south. It wants to go south. It needed some help, so we made it a trellis to play on. I practice friendship with wisteria in this valley, along with friendship to humans. Now, I'm not... Yeah, so I guess, actually, now that I think, I was going to say I have trouble hearing the story of wisteria, but now I just thought, well, actually, I wouldn't say I'm a wisteria whisperer, but I did sense, I thought I heard the story from the wisteria, we want to go south. It seemed to be like reaching out towards the sun in midair, And then it would flop. And then it would say, if you're not going to support me and go south, well, I'll go west and north and east then.

[21:15]

And it was climbing all over the place. But it kept, it really wanted to go south. So now I listened to it. Other people could see it too. We listened to the wisteria tell a story of, can I go south? I want to go south. And also I try to be friendly to gophers. and moles. And a cat that comes into our yard and kills everything that it can. The day before yesterday it killed a rabbit. And I came out there and I saw the rabbit, you know, quivering after it hadn't been killed yet, but its throat cut. And I just left it in peace. I didn't, I thought it would, I think it was quivering partly because it saw me. It was scared. So I just thought I'd let it, it was in the sun, so I just let it lie there.

[22:17]

And between when I saw it then and I came back, somebody came and ate it. So I try to be friendly. I try to practice friendship. with the living beings, human and non-human, that live in this valley. That's what I might say to somebody if they ask me. Another thing I might say to them is I practice meditation with people in the valley. I usually don't tell them. I study myself in the valley. I study my stories. but I guess I could try that. I listen to other people's stories and I witness them telling me stories.

[23:24]

And sometimes people say, I know you don't want to hear my stories. It's not that I don't want to hear your stories, I say, but I'm primarily interested in how you study your stories. And I'm primarily interested in when you tell me your stories, are you aware that you're studying yourself? That's in my interest. And also, if you're aware that you're studying yourself, are you studying yourself in a friendly way? So if I watch people tell stories, and sometimes I feel like they seem to know they're talking about themselves when they tell that story. And then at a certain point I feel like, do they know that they're, I mean, do they understand that they're talking about themselves? And sometimes I say, is that about you? Like somebody might tell me a story about being unkind to their wife or their husband.

[24:28]

And I feel that they tell me that they're unkind and I feel that they're really, really there with feeling that pain of that unkindness. And I feel like, I think they're studying themselves. I just witness it. Then they might tell me about their wife's father and that he went to medical school someplace and he had a great teacher who you know, did all these wonderful things and started all these excellent organizations. And then I might feel like, is this person talking about themselves? And I might say, is that you? Are you talking about yourself? And they might say, oh, I guess I lost track of studying myself. So we come back to, or they might say, yes, this is about me. And I say, tell me how. Tell me how.

[25:32]

Tell me how your wife's father's teacher in college, tell me about how that's you. I'd like to see that. That's right, it is. It is. So one of the, this is one of the cutting edges of studying the self through stories is to look at are other people's stories yourself? Are your stories about other people yourself? Are other people's stories about their life and what's their way, are they about yourself? Are other religions about Buddhism.

[26:37]

Now we have Islamic extremists, Christian extremists, and now we have Buddhist extremists who are, I hear the story of Buddhist extremists who are being cruel to Muslims. Are these stories about us? Are these stories helping us learn about the self so we can forget the self and be enlightened by everything? And it's pretty hard at that point. When you hear stories of cruelty, when the story of cruelty appears in your mind, is that your story?

[27:39]

Is that about you? Or is that about somebody else who's separate from you? If you hear stories about somebody who you think is separate from you and they do something really cool and really compassionate, then you might think, I want to be that way. Or I feel so encouraged that that person who's not me is so kind. But if you hear a story about someone who's really cruel, it's very hard to understand how that's a story about yourself, how that's your story. You know, even the meditation teacher, when the meditation student's coming to see them and tells them about their difficulties, it may be difficult for the meditation teacher to understand that this beginner who's having these problems is telling them about themselves.

[29:03]

the entire world is telling you about yourself. That's a story about stories, that all the stories in the world are telling you about yourself. How can you be friendly to the stories, to all the stories in the world, so that you can understand that they're about yourself, that they're teaching you, they're helping you learn about yourself. All the stories in the world are helping us learn the Buddha way. And that's very hard to listen to sometimes. Like somebody might say to somebody who lives here, perhaps one of the senior people, they might go to one of the senior people and say, what you people are doing here has done me no good.

[30:57]

I've been practicing for quite a while and you've done me no good. It's been a waste of time for me to be here. As a matter of fact, you people are really discouraging me and making my life more difficult. You're a bunch of hypocrites. I could go on. But anyway, somebody might say that to us who's been here and experienced this place. And when we listen to that, it might be difficult to hear, to understand, oh, this is me. This is myself I'm listening to. And to be friendly to that story, which I can barely remember. This is I'm hearing about myself. This person who's having a hard time is telling, teaching me about myself, helping me, giving me an opportunity to be friendly to myself by being friendly to what they're telling me, helping me learn the Buddha way.

[32:04]

Very hard. All these stories of horrible violence that we hear, when we hear them, it's very hard to hear them and say, oh, this is a story about me. Of course that person's not me, but in fact, that person is me. Both. They're not me and they are me. This is my story and this isn't. This isn't, I've already got down. What about it really is? And if it isn't, be friendly to it isn't. And being friendly to it isn't will lead you to be friendly to it is. If it is, being friendly to it is will liberate you from it is and it isn't.

[33:15]

We have many, many, many stories for us to think about in this tradition. Stories of ancestors who studied stories. Stories of ancestors who studied themselves. All these stories of ancestors of our tradition, we study them. And when we first start studying them, we think they're stories of, well, we usually think they're stories about somebody who lived in the Tang Dynasty. lived a thousand years ago in China. And these are stories about somebody else But it is revealed that these stories are to help the later traditions, the later practitioners realize that these ancient stories are there so we can understand these stories are about us, that there are stories. You look worried.

[34:37]

I look worried. Now you don't anymore. Now I'm not worried anymore. What time is it? So in the midst of storytelling, we can study the stories. In the midst of telling stories and revealing ourself, we can study these stories and

[35:43]

realize what the self is. And the self is a story. It's not something less than a story. It's not even a little bit less than a story. It's not less than a story and not more than a story. And then it's not less than a story and more than a story. Moment by moment the self is a story which has infinite possibilities within its limited scope within its enclosed space of the story there's no limit within the limit of the story and the self is no more than that but we think it is because we haven't studied the story with enough friendliness we've got the stories we can study them or not

[36:58]

If we do study them, we're on the path to perfect awakening. If we don't study them, they're still there, available anytime we want to start studying. But we're missing a chance if we're not studying the self right now. We're missing a chance if we're not studying the story we're telling right now, or the story that's being told right now. And again, a key factor in the awakening of the story is to realize that other people's stories and your stories of other people are yourself. So sitting meditation is also sometimes called That's meditation on the self. Sitting meditation is meditation on stories. One of my friends comes to see me, and every time he comes, he tells me his name.

[38:06]

I know his name, but he says it again because he learned that form. My name is so-and-so, and my practice is koan introspection, he says. Koan introspection. Koan introspection. In other words, he introspects on Zen stories. He looks into himself and sees the stories inside himself, which are stories about the tradition. But he's actually looking in himself at the stories. That's his practice. He's studying stories. So Zen practice is to study the story of the self, moment by moment, and thereby become free of the self as anything free of the self which is imagined to be something more substantial than a story. Or some people think their self is less substantial than a story.

[39:09]

They negate their story too much. They negate their self too much. And some people don't. Some people substantiate the self too much. But the self is just the right amount of insubstantial. How insubstantial? Just like a story. That's how insubstantial. And by studying this story, we have the chance to realize that everybody's story is our story, and this is what saves the world. When we can go to the other stories those other stories that are so horrible and realize that they are teaching us about ourselves and offering us a chance to wake up from our stories. And again, I think I really have a hard time with this, but this is what I'm proposing to myself in your presence.

[40:17]

or this is what I'm proposing myself in the presence of you who are myself. This concept is not only offered within the practice of Zen, that studying stories is a way to study the self, is a way to learn the self and forget the self and be enlightened by all things. It's also present in other traditions, even some fairly new traditions like 12-step tradition. There too they tell stories in order to realize that other people's stories are your stories. They listen to stories of other people to realize that their stories are our stories. This is the way, this is the Buddha way too.

[41:23]

This is the Bodhisattva way too. Once upon a time there was, I heard, I heard that there was a man named Baal Shem Tov. He's a Hasidic Rabbi. Lived in Poland, I think. Is that right? Sometimes called the founder of Hasidism in Poland. And Baal Shem Tov, when he was about to die, he assigned various aspects of his teaching, of his practice, to his disciples. So he gave this teaching to this disciple and so on. And when he came maybe to his youngest disciple, he said, my assignment to you is to travel around Europe and tell people stories of my teachings.

[42:31]

And this youngest rabbi was, I think, a little bit sorry to have this assignment. He felt it was the least important of all the assignments that the teacher gave. But the refrain of the story that I'm telling you is, when Baal Shem Tov gave you an assignment, you did the assignment. So he did his teacher's assignment, and after his teacher died, he did travel around Europe telling stories about his teacher, telling stories about his teacher's teachings. And I guess his teacher didn't say how long he should do that. But anyway, at a certain point, after he'd visited many countries, he thought, I think I've done this enough. He didn't seem to be enjoying it that much.

[43:40]

He wanted to go back to Poland. and do something else besides telling stories about his teacher. My teacher did not tell me to tell stories about him. I shouldn't say my teacher. Suzuki Roshi, our teacher, did not tell me to tell stories about him. But he didn't tell me not to either, so I do. And people say, would you tell us a story about Suzuki Roshi? I say, okay, I'll tell them. And today I told you the story that Suzuki Ryoji taught Zazen, taught meditation by telling stories about the ancestors as a way to understand how to study the self. Did I tell you that story today? So anyway, I've been spending the last few years telling stories about one of my teachers named Suzuki.

[44:48]

And this person, who I don't know the name of, this rabbi was telling stories of Baal Shem Tov around Europe. And again, finally he said, I think I've been doing it long enough. And he started heading back to Poland. On his way, he heard a story that there was an Italian aristocrat, a wealthy Italian aristocrat, who had a standing offer to give gold coins to people who would tell him stories. Now, the way I heard the story, it didn't say that this rabbi was greedy or that he needed money for travel expenses. But anyway, somehow, when he heard about this offer, he decided, well, maybe I can tell a few more stories. And he went to Italy on his way back to Poland.

[45:52]

And he found this Italian aristocrat's palace or castle. And he went up to it. Is this story about me? Is this story about you? No, it's not about me. I didn't go to a palace to tell stories about my teacher to get some money. I didn't do that, no. I went to a palace. I do go to palaces, though. Like, this is kind of a palace. I did go to this palace to tell stories about my teacher, but not to get gold points. That was not me. Really? I got a gold watch. Is this story about me that I'm telling you?

[46:55]

Is this really my story? I'm not telling you that it really is my story? I'm disguising it a little bit so you won't know this is about me? Are you disguising it from yourself because you don't want to say it's about you? This is about something in the 18th century. This isn't about me. I'm not that. I'm something other than that story. I'm a different story, but I'm actually something different than that story. Well, what is the self?

[47:33]

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