If you're doing something harmful, but some part of you wants to abandon this harmful activity, if at that time there's some awareness that you're doing something harmful, that awareness that you're doing something harmful is conducive to abandoning that harmful activity. The awareness that this is a harmful action and then if you were able to also be aware in another moment of some of the consequences or even at that very moment of that harmful action be involved in harmful action

[01:02]

if you see the causal relationship between harmful action and what it's like to be involved in that, seeing that transforms the mind in a direction of abandoning harmful action. Now you said if you're doing harmful action and you want You said, get rid of it, but I changed it to abandon it. If you observe that you're involved in harmful action, you said, I'm changing what you said. If I'm involved in harmful action and I observe and I'm aware that I want to stop that, even before I think that I want to stop it, my awareness that it's harmful action is really what, really what it takes to stop it. So some people might do a harmful action and say that they want to stop it, either while they're doing it or afterwards.

[02:15]

The awareness that this is a harmful action is more what it's like to actually want to abandon it, in some ways, and saying that you want to. Saying that you want to, however, becoming from the fact that you were aware of that it was harmful. And being aware that it's harmful can then lead you to say that you'd like to stop it. But the actual awareness which was the basis of saying that you want to stop is more important in a way than saying so. Saying so is pretty good. As a matter of fact, saying I want to stop all harmful action is a pretty good practice in itself. I wish to stop. I would like... all harm.

[03:21]

I would like to stop all violent actions. That's a pretty good practice in itself. But being aware is really the key factor, because if you're aware, you will, you will, there will be a stopping through awareness. But not necessarily immediately. So, seeing this is harmful, I don't feel right about this, doesn't mean I won't ever do it again. But at the next time, I say this is harmful, I see this is harmful, I know that it's harmful, I admit that it's harmful. That's one more... one more instance to support the actual abandoning of that unwholesome activity.

[04:25]

And so that awareness tends to promote the positive evolution of our conduct. And also, it tends to promote the positive evolution of our study of our conduct. Because, as that young man was saying in the talk yesterday, when we start studying our conduct, we notice that our study is kind of mean, too. Like, we notice something about ourselves, but then we veer away from study into, like, maybe punishing ourselves for what we've seen. That's not really study. But in the process of study we may become shocked by what we discover and then react. So then our study gets thrown off. So our conduct and our study both evolve through awareness.

[05:35]

When the fairly good then the study also gets fairly good. And when the study gets fairly good you start to not only see what you're doing And the consequences, for example, for you and for others, but you start to see even more and more subtle factors of the cause. And finally you get to see things like, well, actually, the self that I was concerned about and that I was worried about and that a lot of my actions were intended to protect and promote, that self actually is just kind of like a conventional expression. of causation and then some basic changes in life start to happen because anxiety drops away, greed, hate and delusion drop away and things like that. Loving relationship to the study is avoiding what the young man was talking about yesterday of letting

[06:48]

doesn't the study then have an extra degree of judgment and destructive inward focus? That's the loving relationship with the study. Yeah, right. Strictly speaking, study is not judging. Judging is an aspect of our minds, of our thinking. It's not our thinking, but it's an aspect of our thinking, judgment. Sometimes what we do in the process of studying our thinking, our karma, is that we discover some pattern and then the judgment gets very intense or, you know, the judgment element in our thinking gets heated up and seems to stand up very strongly and we get so... enchanted or enamored with the, caught up in the process of judgment, that we think that judgment is the study.

[07:49]

It's not really study. It's if we veer off from the study into some aspect of the field we're studying that flares up and we attach to it. But really we become distracted from our study. And if we stay distracted from our study, then we just get in trouble. The whole situation gets heated up and we just, you know, temporarily we kind of lose consciousness in a way. But after a while you might be able to stay somewhat conscious even during these flare-ups and notice, oh, that wasn't study, that was just like, you know, at the revelation of certain patterns, long-standing self-protection mechanisms of judgment get turned on us because we weren't supposed to be seeing this in the first place. Because this is such a bad thing, the judgment complex kept this information hidden.

[08:50]

This wasn't supposed to be revealed in the first place because we wouldn't be able to negotiate certain behavior patterns patterns while simultaneously being aware of the grisly not consequences but agenda that's behind certain behaviors. Is that making sense? So when you start to observe yourself you sometimes start to notice things that you usually pay attention to because you can't pay attention to them and in all honesty continue doing certain things. So when you see them, then the very thing which has kept them hidden starts to, like, try to get them hidden again. Or at least, like, punish you for, you know, studying. You know, like, oh, you're going to study, huh? Well, I'll take this and take that. You know? You're not worthy to study. Blah, blah, blah. So the system has a certain kind of self-maintenance.

[09:55]

The delusion system has a kind of self-maintenance pattern. Because there's a power advantage in denial of what's going on. You can do certain kind of power trips more skillfully if you don't notice that you're doing them. When you start noticing that you're doing them and seeing how they're hurting yourself and others, it's harder to continue. The habit which wants to continue them has ways of stopping you from being aware of whatever will interfere. So again, when you start to notice a field, various kinds of little, you know, defensive mechanisms around the field start flaring up and telling you to stop, stop. And in fact, the first number, the first few or many times it happens, that derails a lot of meditators. That's why it's nice to have a teacher, because if you go tell the teacher about the situation, the teacher says, oh, that's, you know, that's good.

[10:57]

You know, you've activated some of these And that's not a bad sign. So just, you know, say thank you. And just say, you know, may I go back and meditate now? And then they say, no, no, no! Well, just a second, I'll be right back. I'm going to go check with my teacher again. Well, I talked to my teacher and the teacher said that actually you're... ... I guess that's true. Okay, go ahead. It's like my dog, you know. I had another dog one time, another female dog, but this dog, Rozzy, has been spayed. This other dog had not been spayed. And I got her when she was a puppy, and so I was there when she came into heat and so on. And when she came into heat,

[11:59]

She wanted to go outside. And there were some male dogs outside waiting for her. They could smell her through the doors. But I didn't want to have the house full of puppies. So I didn't want her to go out there when they were out there. But one time she got out. And they were waiting for her, several of them. And these things happen fast. There's not a, you know, in this particular situation, you know, there was like no elaborate mating thing, courtship thing. So she's going down the steps, you know, and they're out there waiting, and I don't want her to do this mating thing. And not only that, but I think maybe...

[13:02]

Part of me said, oh, okay, you know, let it go. You know? Part of me realized how foolish it was to try to stop her from doing this thing she wanted to do. But then another layer of defense or judgment came into play when I saw the various possible... I had a preference, you know, for my son-in-law. And she chose the one I didn't like. Or rather, he was quicker. And so I said, mouse. And she did. She was very well-behaved, but he had already locked.

[14:15]

And you know how when dogs, once they enter, they lock? There's a little kind of lock mechanism, so you can't pull them apart. But she came in anyway, and she dragged this little guy up the stairs. I'll go ahead. So anyway, the controlling element in your consciousness, you know, if there's awareness, it can, like, realize, you know, that it's really gone too far. There are these kind of, like, controls in there that are trying to, like, manipulate the thing, right, rather than, like, study. But if you stay with it, then even then you sort of, like, can let it go. In this case, you know, in an unharmful way. And they were nice puppies.

[15:19]

You were doing something like talking with your own mind, you know, just recently. And I was wondering, you know, that mind that you're talking with, conditioning that it's a mind that it's been conditioning by the way you were grown up maybe could be the voice of your father or your mother or your brother and so forth yes mm-hmm But anyway, not many things we do, many unwholesome patterns of our mind, we can have many unwholesome patterns of our thinking.

[16:37]

I say, really, the pattern of your mind is your thinking. So there can be many unwholesome patterns of mind or various kinds of unwholesome thinking. I'm trying to stress that pattern of thinking is kind of redundant because thinking, what I mean by thinking, is a pattern. It's not just a or an impulse. It is an actual shape or design of your mind. So we can have these unwholesome or wholesome mental designs and then it can be a judgment of them accurately as unwholesome. Okay? Which might be right. But a lot of people have a negative association with judgment itself. So when they're judging, they feel bad about judgment.

[17:42]

So part of what we have to do in some cases is find a way to feel comfortable in the field where there's unwholesome or wholesome patterns and where there's judgment to not feel and lose our awareness when we notice that there's judgment going on. Judgment is an element in the causal pattern and all the elements in the causal pattern have to be appreciated in order to understand the reality of the moment. Some people can look at unwholesomeness, but can't look at judgment. Some people can look at judgment, but can't look at unwholesomeness. Quite many people can't look at either. But we need to be able to look at the whole thing. That's the loving, is that you don't you don't move the data around at all.

[18:46]

Even though part of the data is somebody's out there moving data all over the place. Somebody's trying to fix the situation. Somebody's trying to trick somebody. That's going on, okay? But there's another level of watching that does not move a particle of dust That's the healing level. Any kind of manipulation is relatively good or bad. It can be relatively very good, but it maintains the system of manipulation, which is ultimately painful. Because even when you do something good, then you get attached to the good results. And when you're attached to the good results, you're susceptible to harming someone or some part of yourself that would disturb the good results.

[19:56]

So that whole manipulation kind of thing, it is natural for us to do that. We have to accept that we're naturally trying to fix the situation. And sometimes... we actually don't try to fix the situation. Sometimes we try to destroy the situation. We try to harm the situation because we get so tired and distressed from trying to fix the situation that we say, okay, well, fixing doesn't help, so I'm just going to unfix it. I'm going to wreck it. So that's the system, that's the realm of thinking. That's the realm of karma. We have to be able to sit and look down on it lovingly. No matter how nice it gets, we have to pay attention. No matter how bad it gets, we have to pay attention. Sophia? Mm-hmm.

[21:09]

Mm-hmm. And you have to be so far in your thinking to be able to see that what you're doing is that and watching yourself just touch it. But how could one make, like, stay in touch with that feeling stuff? The honest one. Not them. That will be part of it is just noticing that this is going on. and that if you study in such and such a way, that works in such and such a way.

[22:13]

And you study another way, that works in another way. So, for example, you see some pattern, and you see maybe there's some problem in it, and you try to justify the way it's going, like you notice some anger or ill will, and you try to justify the anger and ill will. Or you see yourself thinking in certain ways and you say, well, you know, this may not be... It needs to be done. I need to be putting my energy into thinking in a certain way. So you're not only thinking, but you're justifying the thinking. So, for example, in meditation, you're sitting in meditation and you find yourself thinking about, you know, maybe planning your day or something. And you say, I wasn't planning on... I wasn't planning... on using this meditation period for planning. I was actually going to just sit here and sort of like look at what's happening, but I notice now I'm planning my day. Then you might say to yourself, well, it's not so bad because really today is really an important day and I really do want to like for this evening.

[23:22]

So it's okay. So how's that? Not too bad, actually. And then you notice, you know, maybe frequently, you notice that almost every day is an important day, and that almost every day you're spending your meditation planning. So then, you know, then you notice that you're avoiding talking to your teacher, because you don't want to tell your teacher how you've been spending your meditation periods. Because you know that maybe if you say, well, I've been spending all of them planning, you know, So then you notice that you're getting more and more afraid to go to talk to your teacher. And then you're telling yourself the reasons why it's actually good that you're afraid to go to talk to your teacher. It's a sign that you're getting off. And then you start planning ways to like how you can talk to yourself and you're not worrying about that you're not going to your teacher to tell your teacher what you're up to.

[24:30]

And you start to notice you're really starting to feel bad. And all these excuses aren't working very well anymore. So finally, you know, it's been several years. And you notice, geez, I never, I'm always planning in my meditation, I'm making... But I feel bad about that too because I really kind of know it's not really what I'm I mean, why go to a meditation hall and do that? Well, actually, it's a good place to do it. I can do it better than I can in my room. So actually, that's good. But something's missing here. For example, I'm not evolving. I'm kind of like actually stagnating. And this thing about not wanting my teacher to know about this, that kind of bothers me. So maybe you finally go and you tell your teacher how bad it is.

[25:35]

And your teacher doesn't necessarily say, yeah, it really is bad. The teacher teaches you how to look at that whole pattern and bring awareness to the whole pattern. Just take one step above the whole thing and look down on it and see that actually it was okay, that there was some causation there. That, you know, it was this whole thing you went through. It was costly, maybe, because you had to spend many periods, in a sense, wasting your time to see that you spent many periods wasting your time. You had to, like, give yourself, what do you call it, the room or the license to waste a lot of time doing something which you know very well is not what meditation usually is supposed to be.

[26:37]

And how that worked. And now you have all that thinking plus all that data about how it worked. And now you go back and you might still plan, but you're studying while you're planning. That you're planning and the bird's chirping and the stream running They're not that different. You can be aware of all of that as you study. And then you realize that you actually are meditating. Even if you stop planning, it's not that you're meditating more than if you are. Or if you're doing something which you more traditionally might think is meditation, you're not meditating more or less. So like someone, I wrote this article about the ceremony of Zazen and someone read it and said, so you said in that article that concentration practice is different from Zazen.

[27:41]

Or I would say in this context that concentration practice is different from lovingly studying. I say it's not that it's different from concentration practice. It's not that zazen or this... It's not that the way of studying karma is the concentration practice. It's more that the concentration practice itself being the concentration practice is the loving study of concentration practice. Or planning is, you know, of course, people say, well, planning's not zazen. Planning's not the loving meditation on karma. That loving meditation is... Well, no, not really. Because the loving meditation is always about something.

[28:46]

So, the planning being the planning... And letting the planning be the planning is the loving meditation. But the planning is not Buddha's meditation. And concentration is not, strictly speaking, Buddha's meditation. Buddhists sometimes do plan, and Buddhists do sometimes concentrate. But the concentration Buddhists sometimes do and sometimes don't concentrate. They're always concentrated, but sometimes they do concentration practices. They're always concentrated, but sometimes they plan. But the Buddha's mind is that when there's planning, there's planning. When there's concentration, there's concentration. And when you can let concentration be concentration, when you can let thinking be thinking itself,

[29:49]

Then you see the causal nexus all around the thinking. Then you see the causal nexus all around the planning. Causal nexus all around the concentration. Then you see reality. Then you're liberated. So the real meditation is that whatever it is, is just itself. And when you let whatever it is be just itself, is not itself. That whatever it is is actually the whole universe bearing on that point. But if you move things around you can't see that whatever you're looking at is actually the whole universe coming together at that point. Try to lift it up a little bit or push it down a little bit. So it's not about controlling the situation, it's about letting the situation, you know, fulfill itself.

[30:57]

So if you notice that you're doing something and you can let it just be that, then you're meditating in a liberating way. Does that make sense? Before we go on to the next thing. Yes. My question is about food intention. Yes. I used to be able to do that with the one in the back. And I found that as I grow older, I have problems separating. the absolute good and the absolute bad. When I have a good intent... Like what? Say, like, I want to... An Indian, we stop building the dam and come back to that.

[32:06]

That's good for the Indians and some group of people. A lot of people in this room will agree. But then there's need for water for another group of people. Uh-huh. Stopping them is no longer a rightful intention for them anymore. What, you know, I feel like I can't move sometimes. I froze in a spot and not... Well, first of all, you're talking about intentions, okay? Yeah. So, do you have an intention you want to help Native Americans? Well, I want to do something for the universe, you know, me and the rest of the world. Well, just a second. Do you want to do something to help the Native Americans or not? I thought I was helping the world when I thought that I was supporting the Americans. So you don't want to help the Native Americans? I want to help wherever would help the universe at this point. Because I found... Okay, well, that's your intention. You want to do whatever's ever helpful to the universe. Right. Okay? What's the problem with that? So which one should I... Wait a second.

[33:08]

Not which one. You said the whole universe. Right. So what's the problem with that? That's a perfectly good... That's a good intention. So you're all set. Well, just wait a second. Wait a second. And you switch to the whole universe. Okay? You did that. So if you want to be specific, fine, but don't switch back and forth. Be specific about what you're doing. If you're talking about the whole universe and you want to do something helpful to the whole universe, that's a good intention. Okay? Do you understand? That's a good intention. Okay? Got that? Put that in the good intention basket. Now you have another question? What is it? I don't know what to do. I can't... No, wait a second. You just did something. You just found a good intention and you put it in the good intention. You had trouble figuring out what's good intention and what's not a good intention? You having trouble with that? My problem is what's good intention for one is not necessarily good intention for another.

[34:12]

And they're all around me. No, no, no, no. What's good intention for one is good intention for another. When you have a good intention, it's a good intention for everybody. If it's not a good intention for everybody, it's not a good intention. You know that. I'm trying to help to do something that I thought would be good for everyone, but it's only going to be good for a certain group of people. Well, that's not a good intention. That's not a good intention, then. Because it's not good for somebody. Is it? But if nothing is going to be good for everybody. That's not true. That's not true. That's my problem. I can't... Because I don't... I can't... Wanting to help everybody is good for everybody. There it is.

[35:12]

Sure, you can. There's a ranch that has a ranch in the middle of an Indian reservation. And the ranch on the Indian reservation are not for the Indians. Because there's white people on them, and it's Indian land, and the Indians. And so it's good for the white people. But for the Indians, it's not good for the white ranchers, because it would mean that they would have to give up their ranch. And so I think they're just . it's almost like you have to sell it. Well, I don't see it that way, that what's good for the Indians is not good for the Indians. I don't see that. I see that what the white ranchers say is good for them is not good for the Indians. And what the Indians say is good for them is not good for the white ranchers. But I don't see that what's good for the white ranchers is bad for the Indians.

[36:15]

I don't see it that way. I see that what's good Good for the Indians. That's what I see. What's good for the white ranchers? What's good for the white ranchers is for them to give to the Indians. That's what's good for the white ranchers. And that's what's good for the Indians. What's good for the Indians is to give to the white ranchers. That's what's good for the Indians. And that's what's good for the white ranchers. But for the white ranchers to have their property and the Indians not get it, that's not good for the white ranchers. Because they're just going to have their property for like a few more minutes, and then they're going to be dead and go to hell. And the Indians are not going to have their property. And if they don't do what's best for the white ranchers, they're also going to be in trouble. If both parties don't work for the other's benefit, it's going to be harmful to everybody. That's the way I see it. And for me to help them do what's helpful to everybody is what's good for me to do.

[37:19]

But to side with one side, you know, like to, you know, like we have all these crises, you know, these people fighting, you know, to say it's good for Serbia to do this, but it's bad for the Albanians for them to do that. I think it's good for Serbia to do the things they're doing. Of course it's bad for the Albanians, but what the Albanians are doing, I don't think that's good for the Albanians. For them to like, you know, do their thing, that doesn't seem to be very good either. So you start with something that you think, and then see, is it good for everybody? And if it's not, well then admit it's not good for everybody, but that means it's not good. But there's a lot of things you can do which are good for everybody. Yeah, that's another aspect of it, uh-huh.

[38:28]

We have a particular example here is that some people in Monterey County or some people in the world want to dam a river in this forest. And they want to dam that river to get water and maybe power too, I don't know. But anyway, they want to get water so that they can develop this area. Okay? Now, is that actually good for somebody to dam that? Is it going to be good for somebody? to be able to develop this valley and build more houses, is that going to be good for somebody? I don't see it. Now, is it going to be bad for the Indians to damn it? Well, it's probably kind of bad for everybody to damn it, not just the Indians. I mean, the forest doesn't belong to the Indians. It's just that they got some kind of trip about it, that they think they own it. Well, that's their problem. You know, if the dam is good for you, it's good for the Indians.

[39:43]

But it's not good for me or you, and it's not good for those people who want to develop it. Therefore, it's not good for the Indians. But it's not because the Indians own it and somebody's damming their property. It's not their property. It's not my property. It's not the developer's. The question is, what's the intelligent way to use a forest? Is building dams and forests helping people? I don't see it. But maybe someplace in the world, building a dam is helpful. But not in Monterey County. I don't see it. I don't feel like I'm harming or not helping the people who want to build the dam. I think I'd be helping them in any way that I could get them to look at what they're doing and wanting to build that. That's what I would think would be helpful. I would try to put my energy into asking them what good would it do to build that dam? What good do you think it would do for them to be a few more million dollars richer?

[40:47]

That's what I'd like to find out. What's that extra money going to be doing for them? The people who are running this thing are rich people. It's not like, you know, the... The truck drivers that are driving this thing that are going to work on these construction projects to build these buildings that are going to be possible after they build the dam. The dam builders. The people who build dams, they want this. And the developers. Do they need more money? Well, let's see. Well, yeah, if we could build this dam and take this money and we're going to take this money and this money we're going to use for this great purpose, you know. Well, I haven't heard about that. That's not what they're talking about. They're saying what the great thing is, is you can have more houses in this lovely valley. I mean, it's pretty nice the way they've done it. The valley isn't, you know, a total wreck yet. It's not that bad.

[41:49]

It's, you know, it's a beautiful valley still, even though there's a lot of houses there now. But, you know... Some people would just basically have this whole valley coming right up to us filled with houses. They have hunting lodges right up the road here, you know. If they had their way. There would be hunting lodges right up there. Animals would be getting slaughtered right nearby Tassajara if some people had their way. But for whatever reasons they don't. But I think that's okay. It doesn't seem to be that harmful to have not so many hunters in the forest. I think the hunters are okay. I think they have enough things to shoot at. But I don't feel like I'm taking sides. I think it's really, I don't think anybody by not having that dam. So I don't feel like I take sides of the Indians over the developers. And it's not necessarily white developers either.

[42:52]

It might be Thai developers. I know it's just an example, but I'm... Well, I don't think, it doesn't seem like you heard what I said. Yeah, third position. What's the third position? Right. What? Right. Well, third position is often practical. Third position is often don't do anything. That's what I don't... Well, I'm always on action anyway, so I just thought I would be active. Oh, you're going to do something like you're going to join, help one of the groups by doing something. Well, do something. Donate my time for something. Go help them with envelopes or something. That could be third party.

[43:53]

You could still do that. You could help one side or the other. That often is a good thing. But help them to take the third position. You can often help them that way. You can help the Indians send out information while asking them how come they think they own the forest. But you're Friendship and love. You're not attacking them. Say, how come you own it but I don't? Say, well, because we're Indians and you're not. Oh, okay. But at least, you know, they get it out and they think, did I just say that? Yeah, they probably, you know, if you're their friend and you're helping them, they can think about what they just said to you. You're going to be around a few minutes later, too. So they can say, you know, I'm sorry about what I just said. That was kind of chauvinist of me to talk that way.

[44:57]

It's not so much Indian, so therefore I own this land. It's more like I'm who I am and I care about this land. I care about the whole country, but I care about this land and I'm going to work to protect this land from being misused. That's more where it's at and you're doing that too and I appreciate your help and that kind of thing. You can also do go to the other groups and help them in certain ways. In the process of helping them, help them start to look at what they're doing. That takes a lot of energy, but that would be very good, because this is a really important issue. Some big problem could happen if people don't wake up here. Jonathan? It was a while ago, but you had your hand raised. It was a while ago. Study requires time. Yes.

[45:58]

The watch requires time. What about karma at the end of life care? Karma for those who don't have the time, those who at the end of their lives are approaching the end of their lives. Well, let's see. Oh, you're saying study takes time, like takes extended time. Is that what you mean? You're talking about we have a relatively useful population here who has the time to devote to develop and change. Right. If we knew that we only had the rest of the day, you'll be the same practice I would recommend the same practice as if we had somehow information that we've got 10 more years or 20 more years same practice if we can start paying attention to what we're doing in this loving way now it can happen again so let's start as soon as possible is always the thing we don't know how much longer we have to live

[47:27]

And with people who are pretty clear that they don't have much time, those people oftentimes don't postpone it. So let's, I would say, we're like them and do the practice which I'm talking about now. Don't wait because we think we have a couple more years. Don't wait any longer to start it. Start today. And some people who are dying even though they know that they don't have much time, they still, they're also... You know, they think they have a week, so they're going to start tomorrow, or this afternoon. Let's have lunch first, okay, and then... So I think the key point is to start as soon as possible. And if you understand how to practice the meditation, then start. Like, you know, now. If you don't understand, then ask... ask questions until you do understand, and then when you understand, then put it into practice. So that's what I would say to a person who has a week left to live.

[48:33]

That's what I say to a person who thinks perhaps they have more than that. Because even, no matter how much you practice, it can get deeper. you get more skillful. And also, towards the end of your life, although you know you don't have much time, so you're less likely to postpone it, it's also, in some sense, at the end, because you're inundated with physical demand. So that's why now it's good to develop the habits when things aren't so rough, so that when we hit the big wave, we'll be able to continue. For example, how can you practice it? It's pretty tough. But I think you can bring these practices of awareness so deeply into your body and mind that when certain brain functions start to break down, the practice can continue.

[49:38]

I kind of feel Alzheimer's coming. But I'm practicing at a level that's deeper than that includes my intellect, but that's also deeper than my intellect, that goes on even when my intellect is, you know, sort of in downtime. At one time, in one of the Oliver Sacks books, he was a guy who had, he had, there's a, it's a mammillary gland in the brain. Mammillary. Small glands in the back of the brain. And they have to do with memory. destroyed those, those, those, huh? No, no. Huh? Mammary bodies, yeah. And they, they've been destroyed or damaged because of alcoholism. So this guy thought he was, he was 49 years old. So he, you know, and he could remember everything up to 19 years old and that's where he lived at 19.

[50:48]

And so he was living in a convent, I think a Catholic convent, with nuns, and nuns took care of him because he couldn't remember, like, if you met him, he'd see you and he'd say, hi. He'd say, my name's, you know, Phil or whatever. And you'd say, hi, my name's Bill. Say, hi, Bill, how are you? And he'd say, fine. And they'd turn over and say, hi, what's your name? And you'd say, Helen. And they'd say, oh. Say, oh, hi, what's your name? You say, I'm Bill. They say, oh, nice to meet you, Bill. So he had an attention span of about the length of a sentence. So he could type, for example. But anyway, the point I'm coming to is that in the communion, and one of the nuns, someone said that he was young. He didn't know what was going on in the communion. One nun says, oh, that's not true.

[51:52]

You know, you shouldn't say that about him because when he comes up to receive the bread and the wine, he's completely there. He maybe can't remember as he's walking up to the altar, but when he's there receiving that, he's completely present, completely devoted, completely there, and you really feel the sacrament working for him. So I think that a lot of practice present oriented and in some ways so deep that you can do them even when you're really sick but if you don't practice them now when you're healthy so that you like kind of like bring them deeply into your body and mind then when you get sick and you're harassed by all that it's hard to learn them at that time even though you might have tremendous motivation and that's the good part So you can learn them, but it's hard because you're in diminished capacities.

[52:55]

Now you have the good capacities, but you don't have the motivation. So we need to raise our motivation to practice as though we don't have much time left. And then if we practice now when we don't have much time and also we're overwhelmed, we could continue to practice. the Buddha's teaching on karma is hard for Westerners to accept is that karma has three types of fruit in terms of time. Some karma matures in this lifetime, some karma matures in the next lifetime, and some later lifetimes. So that's called karmic retribution in three times, and that's maybe hard for some of us who grew up in the West to accept. That's part of the picture, is that our karmic processes, the process of causation, which is enmeshed in our life, in which our life is enmeshed in,

[54:03]

goes beyond the time of what we call death and produces further life and further karmic opportunities and further study opportunities. So Buddhism doesn't see the annihilation of being at the end of life. it sees a big change, which then produces other change, and then there's further life, and then further death and further life. So that's why we have this big scope. And in some sense we don't have a shortage of time, except we postpone starting. We've got plenty of time, but no matter how much time we've got, if we don't start, so what? So if you encourage us to start, well then let's get into how short it is.

[55:06]

But somehow we've got to start. We've got to start as soon as possible. And is there any reason to wait beyond now? Can you start now lovingly meditating on what you're up to right now? Well, first of all, do you want to? Yeah. Okay. So, now what are you doing? Okay, so there you are trying to understand. Is that a mental activity? Anything else you're doing besides trying to understand? Mm-hmm. What else? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What else? Talking.

[56:14]

It's important. Don't... Uh-huh. Are you feeling spaced out? Mm-hmm. Are you intending to sit on your hands? So are you intending to hold your hands there where they feel good? Do you see the intention there? To sit on your hands? Okay. Well, I'm talking about right now. Now is the time to check. And does it seem like a fairly wholesome intention to sit on your hands? What's wholesome about it? Feels good? Anything else wholesome about it besides that it feels good? It's not particularly wholesome or unwholesome.

[57:17]

What would make it more wholesome? What would make it less wholesome? Do you know anything that would be more or less wholesome than sitting on your hands? Right. So you don't have to keep saying, I don't know, over and over. So can you think of anything? So you just said thinking good thoughts might be more wholesome than sitting on your hands? What kind of good thoughts? Yes.

[58:18]

You think that might be a more... Yeah, you could do that. But let's stay with... I'm trying to help you see... the karmic quality of what you're doing. And that part of what might help you do that is to see some things that are more what you're doing. Right? That doesn't mean you have to stop sitting on your hands. But... I mean, I'm wondering, you know, is it more important to really think that? To think that chance? To think that thing? Yeah, you're wondering that. And sounds like you... Maybe the thought... May all beings be happy. Maybe that's a more wholesome thought than may all beings be so-so. May we all be filled with loving kindness might be more wholesome or more beneficial than may we all be filled with not care about each other too much.

[59:22]

You think that might be more beneficial? Yeah. And do you think it might be really more beneficial than may we all be filled with hateful thoughts and want to hurt each other? Okay? So those are some, so you see that, okay? So what about sitting on your hands? How does that rank? You just mentioned. It's kind of neutral, seems kind of neutral. Right. So there you have, you actually do want to sit on your hands because, what was it? Because it feels good. You actually did. Now, some things that feel good are kind of, they feel good, but they're kind of neutral. So it's possible to do something that feels pretty good and that's karmically kind of neutral. All right? Now, to notice that you're doing something and you mean to do it, you mean to be sitting on your hands, it's actually not happening by accident, you mean to do it, and you've got your hands under your thighs, you're successful, and it feels good, and you kind of think, well, it's kind of neutral.

[60:29]

All right? And the Buddha did not say, you know, avoid neutral karma. So you're okay. All right? But something more important actually than the neutral karma is that you're aware actually that you're doing what you're doing. You're aware of what you're doing and you also have assessed its karmic quality. Okay? And you're also talking to me about it to get my feedback on it too. And I'm neutral. And then you also brought up another example of something of a certain kind of thought. certain kind of intention, of wishing that people would be filled with thoughts of loving kindness. And you thought that that would be, you thought that that would be more and skillful and beneficial. You thought that. And you told me, and I agreed. So we kind of think that maybe that's what it is. Now, we might be wrong. That might not be right.

[61:32]

But we're tentatively... trying the experiment of thinking thoughts like that, like, may all beings be filled with loving-kindness. And it works. See if you actually, how you feel thinking that. So, and if it turns out that that doesn't feel, that that seemed to cause some damage, then you can revise your opinion. Or you can also go and talk, for example, to me and you can say, well, I thought this and now... May all beings be filled with loving kindness. And I started to feel lousy. And then I might say, well, what happened again? You tell me more about it. And I realized, well, when you started to think that, something else started happening. For example, you started thinking that you don't think that thought very often. And you started feeling bad about, you know, started being judgmental about yourself that you didn't think that very often. Or you actually had that thought and you realized, well, I don't feel that way. And you started feeling bad. You wished... that that would be so, but then you notice that you didn't really have that in your own heart. So it slipped, so then you felt bad.

[62:34]

But I said, well, then that makes sense, though, because it's not there. And you do feel bad when it's not there. Not to mention not being there to actually hating yourself for it not being there. And you really start feeling bad. This is how you do it. Do you see? I've just told you how to practice it. You actually look in your heart, in your mind, and see what you're up to. Something, I mean, not you're up to, something is happening there. Non-stop. You don't have a vacant, non-active mind. You have an active mind. It's turned on 24 hours a day, except in certain very deep parts of sleep, when it does seem to kind of get turned off. It's very restful. which is fine. And those states are karmically neutral. They don't harm you, they don't help you. If you go into them with a troubled mind, you come out the other side with a troubled mind.

[63:34]

If you go in there deluded, you come out deluded. If you go in enlightened, you come out enlightened. But it's fine. But otherwise, our mind is operating all the time based on our current understanding of karma. Our understanding of karma will developed, maybe your understanding of karma developed a little bit during this little conversation we had. Conversations with yourself or with another practitioner enhance our understanding of karmic process, but also it should be based to some extent on actual real-time observation of a real phenomena that's going on in you. Your own stuff and you converse with other people about their stuff, and you develop a clearer and clearer understanding of the causal process, and after a while you start to see some uniformity in the causal process. You start to see that there's laws, that the stuff works in a certain way.

[64:38]

It's not random. It's extremely complex but lawful. You can actually study this stuff. Buddha studied this stuff. If you study this stuff, you're doing what Buddha did. And as you study it, the actual thoughts themselves evolve. But more important than the evolution of the thoughts, though you can't separate the evolution from the meditation, is the meditation. Because you could be enlightened while you were looking into a messy, evil mind, which happened to be yours or somebody else's. It's just that if you do too much unskillful karma, you're not going to have much of a chance of meditating on your karma. But once you do enough wholesome karma to get your meditation going, you can even be liberated while looking at unwholesome state. It's possible. Actually, there are examples of people having considerable insights while looking into their own mind

[65:50]

and observing unwholesome states in their own mind, but having great insights about their unwholesomeness. So you can have insight into how unwholesomeness works, very deep insight, which is not just about that thing, but even has wider consequences for your life. But if you don't take care of yourself fairly well, you're not going to be even able to meditate while you're in wholesome or unwholesome states. is by meditating on your state. Because you can't just go around and do wholesome things without noticing what they are and how they're working. You have to pay attention. So, for example, let's say, as a little meditation, as a little exercise, now and 3.30, everybody will try to look into themselves and see if they can find some wholesome intention. Should we look for one or three or five?

[66:57]

How many wholesome intentions can you find between now and 3.30? Joan says one. How would that be? See if you can find one wholesome intention between now and 3.30. And then 3.30, if you're willing, you can report on what you found, if you found one. If you didn't find one... Because finding an unwholesome one, well, excuse me, let's say, how about looking for a wholesome one and also see if there's any unwholesome or neutral ones. Now, I wouldn't say try to find an unwholesome one. But keep your eye out for them, because if you can't find any wholesome ones, You get credit for finding unwholesome ones, too. So see what you can find. But definitely look for one.

[68:00]

And if you find anything else, we'll report back if you're willing to. And if you're not willing to, report back some other time when you're willing to. Because maybe some people are embarrassed to say what they found in their own mind in front of a lot of people. So shall we stop now? You have your work to do?

[68:25]

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