I imagine that it might not be too important to some of you what this retreat description was. Or is. But nonetheless, since I wrote it, I thought I'd read it to you. The point of Buddha's meditation Buddha is, you know, the meditation of Buddha is primarily the realization of selflessness and ultimately the purification of love. So I'm not, so writing that I'm telling you what I think the point of Buddha's meditation is. I'm not saying necessarily what the point of your meditation is. Some of you may have other motivations for your meditation practice.

[01:06]

But I was just saying, for the Buddhas, this is my, a sense I have of what their meditation practice is about. And in the room here, we have about 40 people.

[02:20]

And I wondered if any of you have any questions about this sentence I just read. Yes. Can you talk a little more about the purification of life? I think it's possible to love, but have it be somewhat impure. Impure in the sense of there could be some possessiveness involved, some attachment, and certainly some lack of understanding of what it is that you're loving. And And maybe attachment to what you love. There could be some attachment to what you love. There could be some attachment to how you love. There could be some attachment to perhaps some results of your love.

[03:29]

Does that make sense? But it's also possible to love without attachment to what you love, how you love, or what will come of your love. you might hope for the welfare of all beings whom you love. But you wouldn't necessarily be attached to what that welfare would look like. So, for example, you might love someone and as a result of your love they might be benefited in the form of them going away from you. That might be a really good thing for them to do is to get a long distance from you. Does that make sense? Can you imagine a case like that where it might be good for them to get a long distance from you? Yeah. But you might kind of like feel like, well, I've been loving you all this time and you're benefiting from this and now I think it would be good if you stayed right nearby me so I can watch to see how great it is to have been loved by me.

[04:33]

But the person might need to go away from you and that might be really good for them. You might feel like, no, don't, don't, don't go And that attachment then would interfere with the purity of your love. And lots of other examples that you can come up with probably. Okay? And the first part, I said primarily, that means like, first of all, the meditation realizes selflessness. Is that what it said? Yeah, realization of selflessness. When you realize selflessness, that makes it so that you don't attach. to what you love. Does that make sense? You don't actually see anything to attach to there because you don't see like a self over there or over here. So the attachment doesn't happen. So that selflessness purifies the compassion. But selflessness is not the whole story of Buddhist meditation.

[05:38]

Also, it's selflessness in conjunction with love and compassion. So I said love, but love and compassion. I think it's possible to love someone, but maybe not. It's possible maybe you could also have a love which doesn't include compassion. Can anybody imagine that? You might love someone, but not necessarily feel compassion for them. Huh? No? No? Well, so you can't do that, but some people can. Some people can really love someone, but not necessarily... And by compassion I mean, you know, that you want them to be free of suffering. It's possible to love someone and maybe you don't want them to be free of suffering. I think the person would feel that they love the person.

[06:45]

Some people could, you know, could maybe love you and appreciate you and maybe not want you to be, you know, not be concerned with you being free of suffering. Didn't you know that people can do that? I know that people can do that, but I don't feel... hard time comprehending how that can be and how can it be called love well it's not pure love but it's just they feel like it's love they want to be they want to be with the person they want to yeah they want to be with the person makes them happy when they're with the person they think the person is great yeah yeah could be that I just love to be around you you know I just feel great when I'm with you I think you're great. And, you know, but it might be not the full-fledged pure love.

[07:48]

And again, also you could have a love which includes compassion, but the compassion could be again, somewhat constricted. Like, for example, you love someone, you hope they'll be free of suffering, but, I mean, you hope that they'll be free of suffering, but if your blood is necessary for them to be free of suffering, like all your blood, you might say, well, jeez, you know, I kind of like, I'd rather not, I'd rather keep my blood. I'll give you a quart, but I don't want to give you five quarts. because then I'd be dead. And so you might have some attachment there to your own well-being, because maybe you think your well-being is something separate from theirs. And you're willing to do something for them, but, you know, you have your limits.

[08:55]

And even when you see that your limits are not necessarily that good a deal, like maybe you can say, well, you know, like I know you need a kidney, but, you know, I'd rather have two than one, even though I understand I'd be all right with one, but I'd rather have two, and so, sorry. Well, that's, you know, then you can just work back from there. Just imagine, well, I don't want to give you, like, you know, not only do I want to give you one of my kidneys, I'll give you a pint of blood, not a quart. I'll give you, you know, a thimble full of blood, not a pint. I won't give you any blood. I wish you well, but I'm not going to give you some of my blood. You know, there's a limit set, you know, which isn't necessarily appropriate to set some limits. But you do anyway out of not understanding selflessness, basically. Because when you understand selflessness, then if something's helpful, it can happen.

[10:03]

And if it's not helpful, it won't. Your life. If it was helpful. I mean, you know. Now, sometimes it wouldn't be helpful for you to give up your life, so then you shouldn't. Even if they ask for it, and even if you're willing to give it. Say, I'd be happy to give my life, but I don't think it's a good idea. And, you know, I've done... What confirms that it's not a good idea? Well, you could consult with me. I could say, Fred, I appreciate that you're willing to give your life for that person, but, you know, I don't think it's necessary. We can work this out another way. But in some other situation, I might say, well, Fred, it's been great knowing you. I'm glad you're willing to give your life for this person, and I think you should. I think it's really a good idea.

[11:06]

to give your life for this person. As a matter of fact, give your life for these 40 people. I think it'd be great for you. And, you know, you're going to be fine. Don't worry. Wait a second. This is the scenario where you want to. Right, you want to. You're coming to me and saying, these people want me to give my life to save them, and I'm ready to do it, but I just want to make sure I'm not being impulsive and naive. Because you don't want to regret it afterwards. If you give your life and then in the process of giving your life you say, I changed my mind, this is not good. No, I changed my mind, I take it back, I don't want to do this. One of my students gave all his money to a certain religious group. And then he changed his mind after he gave it. So now he's like in this big, huge struggle with this group because he's asking for the money back and they don't want to give it to him.

[12:16]

So now, you know, it's better not to have given it in the first place because he wasn't really ready to give it. But if you're really ready to give it and the recipient would benefit, then it might be like all it will take to make you Buddha. Now some people say, well, you know, like certainly like if you're going to die in a half an hour anyway, and then, you know, somebody says, hey, can I have your life now? You say, yeah. Great. I was going to go in a half an hour anyway, so yeah, here, have it. If you can use it, I was only going to have an hour more out of it, but I don't know what you're going to get out of it. So, you know, we're going to go anyway, so it's nice to give your body away, give your life away before you go. As a matter of fact, as soon as possible, give it away. And if you realize selflessness, you can do that. And also, giving it away realizes selflessness.

[13:19]

So, part of compassion is Realizing selflessness purifies love and compassion, but also practicing compassion realizes selflessness. So practicing giving helps you realize selflessness, and realizing selflessness, naturally you practice giving. But still, some people, if you realize selflessness, your mind is clear, but some people are ready to practice giving, but they haven't realized selflessness, so their giving can be a little off. They could be confused. They could give something that they shouldn't give. Like you shouldn't give keys to, you know, like some person who doesn't know how to drive a car. You should make sure that they have not only a driver's license, but that they, you know, know how to drive the car you're giving them. Like Diana, for example, has a driver's license, but she learned on automatic transmission. So she's not asking to drive a stick shift, but if she did, I would ask her, you know, do you know how to drive a stick shift?

[14:24]

And she says, no. I said, whoa, maybe you should get some lessons on stick shift before you drive that car. So I'm willing to give the car, but got to make sure that it would not hurt the person to give them the gift. Okay? So giving, again, if you realize selflessness, your clarity, you naturally, in selflessness, you naturally will check things out. Because, you know, just like you check things out for yourself, you check things out for others. So you're willing to give, but also you give skillfully when you realize selflessness. So selflessness makes you more skillful in your giving, and it also makes you more unconstricted in your giving, and therefore your love is more skillful and unhindered. But it's possible to love somewhat even prior to realizing selflessness. And I think probably all of us love somewhat prior to realizing selflessness.

[15:28]

Remember back before you realized selflessness how you were? I think it's just a situation where you might need to cause another person Not yet. Keep going. You're talking about a situation where you're... I would take away the word cause. I would change it to condition. So I myself am a condition for a lot of people suffering. So what's your point? What should I do? The condition or the cause? Yeah. Yeah. Yes? Yes? Oh, yeah, I don't agree.

[16:41]

Because a high percentage of the relationships I have, I'm a condition for the person suffering from their point of view. I have a lot of relationships like that. That people think I'm a condition for their suffering. And it's a very good relationship because I'm going to cure them of that disease that they have. I'm going to heal them from the delusion that I'm a condition for their suffering. Like right now, it looks like I might be a condition for your suffering. They don't see it, you see it. Can I have an example? We'll say it's a situation possibly around meditation.

[17:42]

That person maybe doesn't understand why one might sit and become jealous of the fact that they don't or, you know, So you might be practicing meditation. Someone looks at you. Let's stay with the first example. Someone's practicing meditation and someone else doesn't understand it and is jealous of them, did you say? They don't understand that they're jealous. But you see that they're jealous? don't even realize that they're jealous but there's something missing in their life that they want and because yes you have something that maybe they want yeah right Is everybody following this?

[18:50]

Is everybody following this? Yes? Yeah, right. I don't know if that's what he's talking about, but that's right. That's possible. Right, well, you're seeing a suffering person, so what's your proposal with the suffering person? Do you love the suffering person? In this scenario? Not in a selfless way. Okay. Okay. Yes?

[20:08]

Well, again, you're saying the relationship is poisonous, but I think actually what I would suggest is poisonous is selfishness is poisonous. So a selfless person, take a selfless person, they don't have poisonous relationships. They do not. have poisonous relationships. If they meet someone who's suffering and that person is jealous of something, even unconsciously, that doesn't poison them. However, the other person may be experienced being poisoned by their own jealousy, which they may not even know about. This selfless person is like a medicine for the poison of the jealous person. If they're selfless, they're medicine for that.

[21:15]

Now, if they're not selfless, but they're trying to realize selflessness, they're still medicine in the process of being concocted. And how the selfless person meeting the selfish person who's clinging to... The selfless person has no life separate from the person who's being poisoned. The person who's being poisoned has a life separate from the selfless person. They think the selfless person is separate from them. The selfless person does not feel separate from the person who feels separate. The person who feels separate is poisoned by their sense of separation. The selfless person is not separate from that poisoning. The person who feels poisoned and jealous may be consciously or unconsciously hating the person who is not poisoned by selfishness.

[22:19]

They may even hate the selfless person They may even hate the selfless person because they sense the selfless person, you know, loves them even while they're hating them. They may hate them all the more for that. These kinds of things can happen. This is what I propose to you as possible. And Buddha's meditation is to make that possibility realized. To have these medicine people whose life is inseparable from the poisoned people. And the medicine people often are consciously or unconsciously accused of being a condition or actually a cause of this person's suffering. Some people walk along feeling selfish, jealous and poisoned and they don't even know it until they meet a selfless person. The selfless person makes them realize suddenly how jealous they are.

[23:22]

Selfish person brings the poison to the surface, maybe. That's often the case. And then they think, because they didn't notice that they were poisoned before they met this person, they think this person is the cause of their being poisoned. But actually they were already poisoned, and this person actually, their presence lanced the boil, and the poison came out. So they think this person caused the poisoning. But actually this person is the beginning of their liberation from being poisoned. Because a selfless person is going to teach us to be selfless. And that person has to be willing to hang out with us poisoned people. And that's another reason why a selfless person needs a purified love because it can't be that they love us until we turn sour and bitter towards them and then they split. It isn't they love us until they discover that there's poison in the system. They love us before, during and after the poisoning process becomes manifest.

[24:30]

And they can hang in there with us because of their selflessness. That's why we need to realize selflessness so that we can hang in there with these poison pots. That's the bodhisattva trip. That's the way to Buddhahood. Make sense? It's an awesome path, but anyway, that's the path, that's the Buddhist path. There's other paths, this just happens to be the Buddha path. The awesome Buddha path. You know, of loving, loving even in the poisonous environment of selfishness. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Cop out. Copping out of being Buddha. So there's the Buddha path, and then there's a lot of cop-out paths that aren't the Buddha path, right? And there's a hierarchy of cop-out paths. Some cop-out paths are a lot better than other cop-out paths.

[25:32]

But still, some cop-out paths, although they're pretty darn good, they're not going all the way to Buddhahood. So I'm just saying, this is a... I'm telling you about Buddhism meditation. Okay. Patrick? Is it possible for a person who is selfless to recognize their own selflessness? Is it possible for a selfless person to recognize their selflessness? Yeah, but it doesn't happen very often. They're not primarily interested. They're not primarily concerned with their own enlightenment. Although they sometimes do stumble upon it. Yeah, very easy. That's one of the reasons why it's good to have a sangha and a teacher. Because when you go to a teacher and tell the teacher that you've realized selflessness, the teacher is often quite surprised.

[26:40]

You? You realize selflessness? You? So, again, you said very nicely, recognize or realize your own selflessness so your own doesn't go with selflessness. So, in fact, you don't have your own selflessness. Actually, you are selfless. But it's not your selflessness. It's just that you're selfless. So, probably, If you have a thought about your own selflessness that you possess, then that's an oxymoron. But to have a thought about selflessness, that's okay. Just think about it right now if you want. Go ahead, try it. That's okay. But then if you bring yourself in and you kind of like, get it. my selflessness, then things get a little weird.

[27:46]

Again, yes, right. If you think I'm practicing selfless things, that's probably a little bit more than a warning. It's pretty much a conviction of selfishness, that you just have polluted your selflessness. But to think, how could I be selfless now? What is selflessness now? What activity would be selfless activity? To wonder about what selflessness would be right now. That's fine. Bodhisattvas, the people who are actually practicing Buddha's meditation, Bodhisattvas and Buddhas, the ones who practice this way, they don't walk around thinking, boy, I was really helpful today. I did this good thing, I did that good thing. I've just been on a roll all day long. I've just been totally selfless and helpful. They don't usually think that.

[29:02]

It's more like, well, now what would be helpful? If they were helpful, great. If they find out that they helped you, they say, wonderful. I'm happy to hear it. But then it's kind of like they're more like working on all the good they've ever done is like gone. And now the results of that good is what can we do now? If you do good in the past, then the virtue of that is you can wonder what good can I do now? So the bodhisattvas and the buddhas are like, how can I help you now? How can I help you now? What would be helpful now and in the future? Not so much thinking about that they have accomplished a lot and... Okay? Is selflessness synonymous with emptiness? Yes. Pretty much synonymous. we can talk about that more later, okay? There's a little bit different, there's a little, there's some distinctions to make about selflessness.

[30:06]

There's different varieties of selflessness. And there's different varieties of emptiness. Okay? So, some of you, when you think of selflessness, you may have an idea of selflessness which sounds different from some ideas you've heard about emptiness. But really, there's a variety of selflessnesses, which means a variety of emptinesses. And the ones you think of are probably included, but there's other ones too that you maybe haven't thought of yet. How can you tell if a person is selfless or a person does not have a body? You can't really tell if somebody is selfless, probably. You can't. But you can sometimes tell if a person doesn't have boundaries. Do you know how to tell if somebody doesn't have a boundary? People walk all over them? I think that's not really I think that's not quite it it's not just that people walk all over them but people walk all over them and they suffer because of it in other words they don't recognize their boundaries people do have boundaries actually so if somebody doesn't have boundaries it's somebody who's not taking care of their boundaries if somebody doesn't really have any boundaries it wouldn't be a problem because they wouldn't be there

[31:30]

But if people do have boundaries and don't take responsibility for them or don't recognize them, and then when other people don't respect their boundaries, like you say, walk all over them, then they hurt. But a Buddha has boundaries but doesn't attach to them. And if people walk all over the Buddha, it doesn't hurt the Buddha. Because the Buddha recognizes the boundaries without attachment. But to have boundaries and not recognize them, then people walk all over you and then you feel injured by it. And you maybe don't even know why, but you feel confused and in pain because somebody has just crossed your boundary without respecting it and you didn't take care of it either. In fact, this got knocked down and you weren't there to take care of it, so there's injury because you weren't attending to it. So a lot of people, what they mean by no boundaries is they're confused about them, either confused and or not recognizing them.

[32:35]

But if you see through your boundaries, then boundaries are like, if people want to walk all over them, you can let them walk all over them as a trap. See, they walk over your boundary and then they get inside you and you've got them. All words are in Buddha. Buddha is inseparable from all words and all beings. Well, like, you know, the Fred, you know, like where Fred starts and where Fred ends, that's a boundary. Yeah. So Buddha would... Huh? It's appropriate. It's appropriate to, you know, to your life. Right. And the Buddha is inseparable from you who has boundaries. But the selfless person can use boundaries in a different way. Like, what is it, that story about... Well, there's lots of stories like this, but the one I think of is the story in that book, Les Miserables, where the thief comes in and a bishop takes care of him and gives him a place to stay and some food, and then he steals the bishop's...

[33:53]

silver and runs away and then he gets caught and the police bring him back and say we caught this guy he stole your he stole I think he stole he stole these plates from you right so this this thief violated the bishop's boundaries right okay he walked all over the bishop took the bishop's stuff right so then they caught and then but did the bishop feel bad Okay? The police assume the bishop feels bad, so they catch the thief and bring the thief back and give the bishop his stuff back because they feel, this guy abused your boundaries. You walked all over you. You took your stuff. The bishop said, no, I gave that to him. And then the police leave and the guy says, what did you say that for? You didn't give me that stuff. I stole it. He says, no, I gave it to you. And as a matter of fact, here, take this stuff too. I gave him more silver. So by skillfully using the boundary situation, you can show people that boundaries are not real.

[34:59]

That's right. See, so he showed this guy that, you know, he has a sense of boundary of, you know, that this stuff belongs to the bishop and you cross the bishop boundary and stealing it. Bishop showed him, where's the boundary? They're yours. And the more you say that this boundary is real and that you can steal from me, the more I'll give to you until you realize that I bought you. So he said, he said that, I bought your soul for God and from now on you can't do any evil. And basically the guy was like totally incapacitated to be evil after that. So Buddha used, people have boundaries, so Buddha uses the boundary to disarm people, to show them that the boundaries are illusory. So some people look like they're getting walked over and But they're just doing that to trick you, to wake you up. But they know the boundaries there. He knew that that was his stuff.

[36:02]

But he said, no, no, you can't steal it. I'm giving it to you. So you can play with the boundaries. So you might look very much like somebody who's being used or taken advantage of, but you can then suddenly turn the tables and wake the person up because you're not attached to the boundary. But everybody's got them. It's just that some people don't take care of them. They're called boundaryless people. And other people take care of them too much. They're called defensive people. But the people who use them skillfully are the Buddhas and the Bodhisattvas and the bishops and the beavers and the buffalo and the boys. Like my little grandson, he's... Doesn't know about boundaries yet, so isn't he sweet? Doesn't he like blow your mind? He's got boundaries, but he doesn't know it. So he's using them just like a Zen master. I don't know who was next, but you got your hand there.

[37:06]

Do you think you were next? Who do you think was next? Can somebody fluctuate between selflessness and non-selflessness? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you can have an understanding of selflessness that's incomplete and sometimes act selflessly and sometimes not. So there can be, it's possible to evolve and get more and more thoroughly selfless. You don't even know you're selfless. And then, an hour later, suddenly these boundaries appear in the garden. Right. You could say, well, actually, you did realize some selflessness, but there was a more subtle selflessness that wasn't manifesting.

[38:10]

So you were free to act selflessly because this lower, this more subtle level wasn't kicked in yet. And then something else touches this more subtle level and then it becomes a hindrance. So there's different layers or there's gross and subtle selfishness. So you could eliminate gross selfishness and still have subtle selfishness. That's part of the distinction between different kinds of selflessness. Well, you know, I wasn't wanting to get into this at this point, but I'll just say it, and then if you want to talk about it more later, we can get into detail, because if I say this, you probably won't get it right off, but I'll just say. Two basic types of self... There are many kinds of selflessness and many kinds of selfishness, but two basic types are the selfishness of the person, you know, that you actually think you yourself are an independent person, and then there's the selfishness of things, right? of all your individual experiences, that you think that they have an independent existence, too.

[39:17]

So those are the two basic types. So... And the grosser is the self, or the selfishness of the person. That's the grosser one. And you can eliminate that one and still have this more subtle one. And until you eliminate the more subtle one, you're still... you know, vulnerable to acting selfishly sometime, that can be prompted. So that's why we have to realize thorough selflessness, which is the meditation practice is to address both these levels of selfishness and realize both kinds of selflessness. So, any other questions outstanding? Oh yeah, Who had asked questions? Dale? Carolyn? Don't tell me it's Runa. Bruna?

[40:18]

B? Bruna. Okay. So, Dale, Carolyn, Bruna. Anybody else? Okay. Yes? Coming over the boundaries. Somebody's coming over the boundaries. Here they come. Sometimes I can feel like I can take this and just, you know, be with this. But sometimes it seems like it would be a bad example to the rest of the group or people I work with to have them see what I imagine would happen. So I offer some resistance or something. So let's see. Bill, are you going to the bathroom?

[41:22]

Water. Okay. What's your name again? Andrea. When do you want to go? Yeah, I'll let you go anytime, but you have to get permission. I want to tell the difference between... You want to go too? No, I wanted to ask... No, I mean, I think Jackie wants to go to the bathroom, right? Do you want to go to the bathroom, Jackie? May I? Yeah. Why don't the people who have to go to the bathroom go to the bathroom, and the people who stay here, I'll tell you the most important thing. Okay? No, no. While you're gone, I won't say anything important. Go ahead. Okay, I'll say it a few times, and then by the time she gets back, you'll understand.

[42:28]

Okay, Dale? Dale? Where are you going? She did, okay. Dale? Do you remember your question? Okay, so you're saying there's some situation where somebody is coming into your boundary and you feel like if people saw that, that there might be a problem for them? Could you give us an example? Could you give us an example? Okay. Well, let's say somebody at work wanted to, I don't know what, give you a big kiss.

[43:30]

Would that be an example? Right. And so they want to come into your cubicle and give you a kiss. And then you think, but if the other people see this, this might confuse them. They might think I'm being unfaithful to Marjorie or something. Is that an example? Right. So then, in the case that you're wondering what to do. Offering some resistance about values. Yeah, so you could say to the person, just a second, I feel okay about you coming into my cubicle, but I'd like to put a little sign up over the cubicle saying, so-and-so wants to kiss me. Is it okay with everybody in the room? That's a kind of resistance, but it's not like saying I don't want to do it, just telling them, Like some people want to hug me, but I say, you can hug me, but please do it, just do it in public. Then, you know, if everybody can see, no problem.

[44:37]

And, you know, but if you do it in private or semi-private, even it's not complete private, but people may think you think it's private. They don't know that you're open about it. So you can say, You know, once I had a secret love. It lived inside the heart of me. You can tell everybody, so-and-so wants to kiss me. Is it okay with you guys? And they all say, no, yes. But at least you told them. And you say, well, I get a mixed, since you're not giving me clear, I'm going to let her kiss me or let him kiss me. I think the openness is a thing. So in that case, they can see. And then they say, no, no, you're letting that person walk all over you. And you say, no, I'm not. Look, I mean, I'm here. I'm aware of this. I think it might be a good experiment. And they say, no, no, no, no, no. And you say, well, okay. And you say, well, I don't think we should do this. But the point is, you know, don't decide by yourself. Include other people in your thinking about it.

[45:44]

Including that person. Including that person. Include that person, include yourself, and if you think it's a bad example for other people, include them. And you may find out that it's okay once they're included. Or you may find out that once they're included, that it's not so much that it isn't okay, but that that turns into the event. It isn't what either one of you expected, but this other thing happened because you opened it up. Of course, that's not so easy to do that. But, generally speaking, it's good. Excuse me, I think Carolyn was next. Then Vincent. My question is related to the... We're at the same level, and it all... Propriate boundaries.

[46:44]

I'm feeling a little confused about what I'm saying now. We're towards selflessness. We can't keep any notion of appropriate boundaries, or is it only in the situation that you want to just make up where we find out? Because generally we're going to struggle with special and bodily boundaries, like you went through before. Come again. How do you play with boundaries, isn't it? Or what would you say if it wasn't that? And is your question about can we only talk about that in particular examples? When do we play and is it only in particulars? How do we know... How do we resolve the deep contradiction between selflessness and boundaries?

[47:56]

And how do we work with the perceived contradiction between selflessness and boundaries? Selflessness is related to boundaries in the sense that selflessness is the nature of boundaries. So boundaries are one of the things we can use, study, one of the phenomena we can study to realize selflessness. Because some people think that they're selfless, or that they know something about selflessness, but then when they start working with boundaries, they don't seem to work with them very well, because they get kind of hung up on the boundaries, which shows them that their understanding of selflessness is not very deep. So, like I said, you know, people, some person might feel like, I feel pretty unselfish. And then you say, well, great, thanks. Would you please get out of your bed and let me get in? Is that really okay? And they say, fine. But then they're standing outside the bed and say, but I want it back, you know?

[48:56]

And that might be still part of selflessness. But then to tell you, I want my bed back, and you say, well, but is it okay if you don't get it back? And they say, yeah, but I want it back. I want it back, and it's okay if I don't get it back. And you might feel like, that sounds pretty good to me. This is pretty playful. See the playfulness? I think the playfulness is instill being who you are as a human being with boundaries so that you want your bed back. Because you want to take a nap. And the person says, well, you can have it back, but can I stay too? And they say, well, no, I don't want you in there because of such and such. I'm allergic to you. You know? And it's like they can't help it. They're allergic to you or whatever, you know? But they're playful about it because they're not hung up on it. They just happen to be allergic. So I think that the point of this is always actually related to specifics.

[50:03]

Because you might, because again, people might think, yeah, I'm into selflessness, except in this case. All right. Vincent? Yeah, I don't know if I actually have a question. Not really a question. I think I already know the answer. OK. What was it? I think that what I'm thinking about as we're talking about this, I'm wondering for myself, when I am dealing with these kinds of situations and people in my life, I feel I'm hurting them across a new farm, and I'm not aware of doing that. It's very painful. I feel like it's like fighting a heart and strength to deal with people's came. And, you know, I understand him.

[51:07]

And I understand that he I know a lot about. And I'm thinking of a young woman I work with, she's much younger than I am. And I see her very clearly. And she doesn't realize that. And I know that she often thinks I'm kind of up to get her so to speak. And I'm not at all. And so it's like the daily thing of trying to be there. And I don't know, I just, I get stuck on that part of it, you know, the suffering of it. I don't know where to find the strength. I think sometimes the people can just do so much more. So how did you answer your own question? Well, at that time, it's graced and great, and there's a lot of people who don't like it, and probably a lot of people don't like it. But I choose to love. I choose to stay. You choose to stay in love?

[52:10]

In the situation. You choose to stay in the situation with this person? All people, yeah. With all people? Uh-huh. So what was your question? Should I stay? How do you do it so it doesn't hurt someone? Well, part of the way you do it so it doesn't hurt so much is you practice patience. So part of compassion is practicing patience so it doesn't hurt so much. Detachment is what purifies your compassion. Detachment is selflessness. Does he? Why don't you ask him if that's the case? Yeah, that's fine. That's the problem comes from that.

[53:29]

She would what? Retaliates. That's a problem, because it hurts. It hurts, right? Well, it's a bias, generally. If she retaliates without warning you. Exactly. If she'd warn you, that would help. You could protect yourself. I didn't mean that. She said, well, on Tuesday at 9.15 in Oregon, hooked up with a cop guy, and, you know, you've done that. And it's sort of like, I didn't realize I hadn't done it at all. Right. But it's real for her. Well, it's real for you, it sounds like, too. When she retaliates. I mean, it hurts you, right? Yeah, it hurts. It really hurts you. for a friend of mine, especially, he would be more like, as he goes around, therefore, kind of disables me to really be as attentive as I know that I am, because I'm always on eggshells, I don't know how to be around, because everything would so misbehave, so. Right. Well, so selflessness would come in handy in this situation.

[54:33]

That would be real handy. in a situation where someone is attacking you or, in their experience, retaliating. They're attacking you for what they think you did to them, for their experience of you. Selflessness comes in handy. But also, selflessness helps you practice compassion, and part of compassion is patience. Because patience is how to suffer not so much, but it doesn't exactly that you reduce your suffering. The main thing about patience for me is you try to experience the suffering in the smallest possible doses. So when she attacks or when someone attacks you, you develop the ability to experience the attack in momentary punctures. momentary uh... stabbings little tiny ones rather than like five minutes of it you experience a hundred attacks in five minutes each one you can stand but if you take if you deal with five minutes of this they'll knock you out you know just knock you out like this has been going on for thirty seconds you know forget about the thirty seconds just take this second not even this second

[56:00]

This part of a second of the attack, that's part of how you practice compassion. Because if you want to practice, like you say, you choose to love, you choose to stay in the situation rather than run away. So when someone or something is painful to us, we tend either to try to get control of it or get out. Compassion is to stay in the situation, but don't just stay in it and experience the pain in the biggest, chunkiest, most overwhelming form. Experience the pain in the easiest-to-take form, which is the smallest doses, which is the present example, the present case. So that kind of compassion helps you develop selflessness, and selflessness... will purify your compassion. So, selflessness doesn't so much, it will help your patience, but selflessness will also eventually, like Jackie was saying, purify you from wishing that she would not be attacking you.

[57:08]

Because if you don't wish that people wouldn't attack you, then you're basically walking around ready for everybody to attack you. So then you don't get surprised. So, you know, anybody can attack you anytime. Because anybody could feel like you, they finally found out you are their problem. Like right now, just now, John attacked me, right? What do you want, John? Another attack. Pardon? If one were truly selfless, there would be no one to attack. If one were truly selfless, there would be no one to attack, and there would be no one to attack you. They would just be all love. Your compassion would be purified. Right? But there still would be the appearance of someone attacking you. There still would be this person who comes up to you and says, I would like to attack you now, and I'm going to. And I'm going to attack you because you are, you know, you are like, you looked at me cock-eyed, and I'm going to get you for it now.

[58:18]

Ready? Or rather... I got you before you didn't even notice and I got you before you had a chance to defend yourself. Ha ha ha. That stuff still happens. But it's just that it's not somebody out there doing it. This is like your life. This is like, do you get the joke, Vincent? Yeah. Sometimes. Selflessness helps you get the joke that this is really not somebody out there. It just looks like they are. And they're testing you to see if you're falling for it. Yes? It could be. yeah when she sees somebody walking on eggshells she says now that's a good target doesn't she she says oh wow now that guy's walking like on heavy duty turf

[59:47]

He's got, like, gripping feet. I'm not going to attack him. But there's Vincent. He's walking in eggshells. All you've got to do is, like, just poke him a little bit, and he's going to be crunched. Like, it's so tempting. Right? That's right. So if Vincent was a little tougher, she wouldn't dare to attack him, would she? Because he'd be saying, okay, I'm ready to try it. Try it. Go ahead. Go ahead. Attack him. So then she said he wouldn't get attacked, would he? But also, Vincent wouldn't get a chance to practice. So your method will make it possible for Vincent to miss his life. I disagree with that. It's OK. Go ahead. I'm not acting in a way so that you won't disagree with me. I think there is a way, a compassionate way for him to do this. Yes, there is. He can do this. He can do this, and this might be doing this, which, but for the sake of the tape recorder, is a T sign, which means time out.

[60:53]

Pardon? What? Did you do... Oh, Jackie was doing X, which means don't do it. Well, it should really be the T. It should be the T. Okay, okay. So Vincent goes time out, and Jackie thinks that might be helpful to this woman. Wait a minute, there's one thing left. Okay. I didn't say this, is that in the several years that she and I have been working together, this is not a short-term situation. Little by little, she costs me more. We are developing some very, yeah, not big, but I think it's exactly, you know, she doesn't look at you so much like at her enemies. Okay, but Jackie still thinks it might be compassionate to make a time-out sign now and then. Is that what you're saying, Jackie? Yeah, it very well might be. It might be helpful to do a time-out sign. But doing the time-out thing does not stop the person from attacking you.

[61:56]

No, but I think Vincent feels... Oh, Reb disagrees with Jackie. Reb says, time on to Jackie to say something he disagrees with. Thank you, Jackie, for saying that so I can disagree with you. Yeah, I know. So that's why I'm saying that so you can love me anyway. rather than love me because I'm agreeing with you. Yeah. So, Vincent doesn't agree with this woman. Do you, Vincent? Well, when she says... When she says you attacked her, you don't agree that you attacked her, do you? No.

[62:56]

You didn't mean to attack her. She thinks you attacked her. You don't agree with her. You're uncomfortable with that. Right. And sometimes if she's attacking you, I agree that if someone's attacking you, I think it's fine to say, time out. I think it's okay to say, excuse me, just a second, would you mind stopping attacking me just for a few minutes? I've got to go to the bathroom. I think that's fine. If someone's attacking you, say, could we have a little break in this little... You're not? What are you concerned about? The separation. The idea that she feels that somehow we're actually separate. That's what Sally sees. But don't you feel that you're separated? From her, yeah. Yeah, so you feel that you're separated from her and she thinks she's separated from you. Right, but we're really exactly the same. Right, and you have a problem with both those senses of separation. Yeah. Right. That's the problem.

[63:58]

And that's what selflessness is the cure for. But in the meantime... I think saying time out in the middle of an attack is fine. But basically, staying in those situations is sometimes really a big encouragement to practicing selflessness. But if you feel like staying in a situation for some reason is not going to help you practice addressing the source of the problem, then leave the situation for a while. But you're not really leaving it to get away from the pain. You're going to take the medicine so you can come back into the very same situation. where you're uncomfortable. Because that's the situation where you test to see if you really got over this sense of separation. It's in those situations that you previously thought you should escape from. So you go away, take a nice little retreat. You feel free of your belief in separation.

[65:02]

Go back and test it in these situations. And part of the way you prove to yourself that you've realized selflessness is that you go back in the situation, and you can do all kinds of neat hand signals. Whereas before, the person was attacking you, and when they attacked you, you kind of like froze up, tensed up, curled up in a ball, ran away, attacked back. Now, you come back with all kinds of neat hand signals like, eep, eep, hop. You can play now. And then they get more angry at you. And then you say, hey, this isn't working. And you play some more and they get more angry at you. And then you say, hey, this isn't working. And finally they get so angry at you they can't get any more angry. And then they kind of understand what's going on. And you're not afraid of them getting angry at you because you realize selflessness. So you dare to keep playing and keep teasing them and keep teasing yourself and keep endangering yourself to their attack and keep running away just before they hit you and then coming back again and giving them another chance.

[66:15]

And so you're doing that and little by little you're getting closer and closer to this deep sense of delusion that you're separate and she's getting closer to her sense that she's separate from you and you're working on that together and that's great. But you can take a break like you did. You came here to tell Sahar she's not around. She didn't bring her, did you? So here you can work on this and hopefully get encouragement to go back there and play with her. But I think also part of selflessness, part of developing selflessness is to be ready to be attacked by anybody at any time. How is that different from her perception of you pushing her button? How is what different from? You know, you say, playfully, and she's coming back with more anger. She might sense that you're pushing her button. Yeah, she might, but she also might sense it if I don't do that. I mean, I can't control what other people feel.

[67:18]

So that's not my game. My game is, am I, what? If she has a button. If she has a button. Yeah, it's obvious. If she has a button, she'll push it. And you'll be the excuse for her to push it. But she pushes her own buttons. The thing is, though, the question, are you up to play, are you up to endangering yourself? And if you realize selflessness, you're willing to endanger yourself, and if you realize, and then the more endangered you are, the more you realize selflessness and so on. But it's now almost getting close to an hour and a half. So nobody reminded me, but I remembered. So how you doing? This side of the room is not asking as many questions as this side. Pardon?

[68:22]

This is the what? This is what? Selfless. This is the selfless side. That was a very good joke. A lot of people got it. Well, go over to the other side then. No, it's okay. You're on the selfish side. Go ahead. Oh, this is the boundary side. Yeah, these are the boundary people. Set limits, Salvi! I was in the same detention prison that I have to be walking on eggshell with his secretary. You have to be? You have to be? No, I didn't have to, but I was doing that. So one day I went to talk from the heart and she said, well, you know, I know that you're acting like that with me. And so I do it more. I go overboard with you because I'm not feeling love with you.

[69:28]

If you're walking on eggshells, you're not loving me. And I want you to love me like you love other people. Right. And that's how it started. Yeah, great. So again, how did this happen? She saw you doing this? Or you told her you're walking on eggshells? No. Yeah, she saw that because whenever I went to give her a job to do, I was very... He went like this. Went like this. Not yet. I have a deadline at 5 o'clock. I have to keep the time. Okay. And so it was very tough for me. And all the time, it was the same. So what broke the ice? I went and told her. I couldn't. You told her that you're walking on eggshells? No, I wanted to sort things out between us. And I said, you know, I'm always afraid of you. And she said, yeah, I can see that. Therefore, I even do it more.

[70:33]

She can't resist attacking you because you're saying, I'm afraid you're going to attack me. So she says, well, if you're afraid I'm going to attack you, I will. I want to, you know, fulfill your expectation of me. Right? But you want it to love, that's all? Pretty much that's what everybody wants, don't you think? They want to be loved and they want to love. That's why, ultimately, it's to purify love. We not only want love to come towards us, and we not only want love to come out of us, but we want the love to be pure. That's what we want. That's Buddha. But we need selflessness for that. Don't you think? That's what the meditation's for. So basically this is to talk about what the point of this meditation is. Which people on this side of the room already know about. Like Rozzy is an example of someone with impure compassion.

[71:42]

She is known in some situations as Miss Love Bug. But, you know, when it comes to raccoons, she sets a boundary and she attacks. She's, you know, there's some limit to her love. She's got a lot of work to do. A lot of work to do. But in some realms she's very loving. And just a really big encouragement to people. We are really selfless. We are really selfless. We've lost touch with it. because we're selfish too. We in the room are, but most people aren't.

[72:49]

Students of Buddha are aware of their selfishness usually. Is it more selfless to recognize our boundaries? Yes. Recognizing your boundaries is part of the path to selflessness. To not recognize boundaries is ignorance. If there's a boundary, it's good to recognize it. The more you recognize your boundaries, the closer you're getting to understanding your boundaries are illusory. Okay? So it is good to recognize your boundaries. That's part of the path to selflessness. But you also said call other people on them when they cross it.

[73:56]

It isn't that you call other people on them when they cross it. It's that you let other people know what your boundaries are. You don't call them on it, because don't call them on not knowing your boundaries. Call yourself and say, I have something to tell you. I've got a boundary. Here's my boundary, and I'd like you to check with me before you cross it. Maybe that's how you feel. It's not really calling them. That's not so skillful, I would say. To say, you know, I feel uncomfortable when you get this close to me. I have a boundary right here. I have what he called a six-inch boundary around me in addition to my skin. And I'd like you to stay on the other side of that. And if you want to come across it, you can check with me. I may change my mind, but I'd like you to check. Okay? The person says, okay. Then you can study your boundaries while you're talking to the person. And then when it comes, but I mean in all... exactly so when you're loaning money I think it's a good idea to say I'm loaning you this money and I want to tell you also I got a boundary around this money namely I would like you to pay it back

[75:16]

And I'd like you to pay it back, not in 17 installments, but all at once. Or I'd like it in 17 installments, not all at once. And I'd like it on such and such a date. Do you agree to this? You're telling the person your boundaries. But also, you're becoming aware of your boundaries by telling them. So then you're learning. And then if they don't pay at that time, then you get to study your boundaries too. If they do pay at that time, you get to pay and study your boundaries. But the fact that you articulated them and you expressed them Now you can study them. And that will help you and probably help everybody eventually. So I think it's good for all of us to express our boundaries in situations where they operate for our own meditation and also to help other people so that if they want to work with our boundaries, they have a chance beforehand rather than being told after they cross them.

[76:19]

And then if they do cross them after you told them, you can say, do you remember I told you that? And they can say, no, I forgot. Or, yes, I did, but I ignored it. Or whatever. And you have something to work with there. Pardon? Pardon? would confront that person and have violated my boundary? Well, you don't have to say confront. You could say confront. You could be confront, but it could be just... It could just be check, you know? Like, I told you I'd rather not have you come closer than six inches to me. Remember I told you that? I'm checking. Do you remember that I said that? And they might say, yeah, I do remember. Okay, checking. Because actually you're five inches away from me right now. You could ask for that too. You say, and also, now that I've checked and I found out, I'd like you to apologize to me for crossing that. Would you do that? And then I'd say, no, or whatever.

[77:23]

But anyway, you expressed yourself. Again, expression is not so much to get people to be the way you want them to be. It's so you can become enlightened. You have to express yourself in order to become Buddha. You expressing yourself doesn't control other people. So I can tell you people what I want, but that's for me to become enlightened, not to get to you to be the way I want you to be. Matter of fact, you being not the way I want you to be contributes to my enlightenment more than you being the way I do want you to be. Generally. Almost always. And you're doing quite well. So I'm going to be enlightened quite soon. Okay, now it's, again, it's like an hour and a half. How are you doing? Bill? Don't be afraid. You're getting hot and tired again. Are you hot? Eat, Leon? Yeah, it's funny right at Jackie.

[78:25]

Those people are like, they can stay there forever. Go over there, Bill. Yeah. No, no, I'm fine. I have my own microphone here. Thank you. Hello. It's not working anyway. No, it's for the tape recorder. It is working. The tape recorder is working, right? Recording my language. Was it recording the questions? Did you hear any questions? Yeah. Yeah, so I... Pardon? Yeah. As a matter of fact, why don't you walk over here so it'll be recorded? You don't like this? Well, I'm not going to like what I'm saying, so... Oh, wow, Liz, this is great.

[79:31]

I knew you'd like that. Okay, so I can do the first thing and tell the person, this is my boundary, I need to be paid back. Then they don't pay me back, and I have to say... I'm really uncomfortable. I'd like you to pay me back. And then they say, okay. And they still don't. Now I have to get really nitpicky. And I feel like I have to do it again because I'm not resolved with this. Now I feel like a really bad Buddhist. And I know in context this is not correct, but you know there seems to be a conflict here at this point. You're a bad Buddhist if you're telling them that to try to get them to give you the money back. That's what I'm trying to do. Don't do that. Okay, okay. That's bad. What you should do is if you're uncomfortable with them not paying you, you should go to them and say, I'm uncomfortable with you not paying me. But not to get them to pay you back.

[80:33]

As a matter of fact, some people, if you go and keep telling them that you want them to pay you back, they're less likely to pay you back than if you don't tell them. Like, for example, if you send a lawyer instead of yourself, then you can be like totally cool, I'm a cool Buddhist, and your lawyer goes and tells the people. Yeah. You're going to tell them, maybe make it less likely they'll pay you, but more likely that you'll be a Buddha. Because you're the one who's uncomfortable, so you're the one who has to express. So you should say, I'm uncomfortable with you not paying me back. I want to tell you that, and I want you to pay me back. And now I said all I have to say today. Thank you very much. And if they don't do it tomorrow, you feel the same, you say it again tomorrow. But you say it so that you know who Liz is, because this is what you have to find out in your life. Right. It's who you are, and you've got to express yourself fully, not... to get them to do things, because then you won't express yourself fully. You'll say, well, I probably shouldn't tell them today because, you know, they won't promote me getting my money back, so I'll tell them some other time.

[81:34]

Yeah, it's a good distinction. I get it. So you're expressing yourself as a good Buddhist because that will help you understand yourself. And they get to see too, but it's primarily for you. And They may pay you back or they may not but the point is it doesn't matter that much because you've expressed yourself and you've shown them that too so you've helped them. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So you're helping them and you're helping yourself. Yeah, you're right. And that's good. Thank you very much. You're welcome. And also you might not like what you're expressing. You might not like that you don't feel comfortable. You might think I should be comfortable that I'm not paying me back but I'm not. That's who I am You know? Like I loaned this guy a book one time. And recently, you know, not exactly a long time ago, but recently I got it back. A long time ago I loaned it to him and I had two copies of the book so I didn't really need the book.

[82:36]

But I still loaned it to him and didn't give it to him. Because it's a book that I can loan to other people too. A lot of people want to borrow this book. It's a book that has lots of different kinds of marriage ceremonies in it. So I loaned it to him and he didn't give it back to me for like two or three years. And I didn't really need the book, even though I had a use for it. But I felt funny that he took it and didn't give it back. And he never said anything to me or anything. And the reason why I felt funny is because he didn't tell me he was a bandit. He told me, he said, I'm not a bandit. He's living a life, you know, not as a bandit. So it doesn't go with his deal. Well, it bothered me. So I told him. But I'd rather in some ways be, you know, not concerned with somebody not giving me a book back. But that wasn't who I was. So I told him, I said, would you please give the book back? I had, you know, I had, you know, I had to look to see, now, am I telling them to express myself or to get the book back?

[83:46]

And you can be, you can look and you can sometimes tell, you know, I really did it to express myself. And I don't think that's actually going to help get the book back. But I did express myself and I, and, you know, that's, and sometimes that takes care of it. And sometimes you feel fine after that. Sometimes you have to say it several times in order to clear it. But then you realize, boy, I really am on a trip about this book, and this really bothers me, and this person took it. Then you find out that about yourself. But if you suppress it and say, I shouldn't be feeling this, and so on and so forth, then maybe you don't really say you even felt it. Since I shouldn't feel it, do I really feel it? Well, actually, I do feel it. Well, then express it. Not only do I feel it, but I expressed it, and I do feel it. And when I expressed it, it was really what I felt. I didn't want it back. I don't want to have this relationship with this thing hanging in the air. I want to clear it. I want to say, there it is. And trying to be a good Buddha, a practitioner, and this person has not returned my book or has not repaid me my money and gone on for a long time.

[84:59]

And resentment has settled in towards this person now How do I best handle this resentment so that it doesn't turn out to embitter me or make me even stop talking to that person in that situation? Again, a big part of this would be patience. to get in touch with the pain you feel about this and try to feel the pain in the smallest little doses. Feel the pain in the present. Don't think about how long you've been suffering about this. Just try to feel it in the present. Still painful, but if you take it in little doses and you concentrate on being patient rather than let this pain accumulate to such a point you get into resentment. Concentrate on patience rather than resentment. but actually it's practice patience rather than not address the pain.

[86:01]

If you don't address the pain for a while, you gradually become overwhelmed and come back with anger and resentment. Once you're settled in your patience, rather than settle in your resentment, and to settle in resentment, again, is avoiding the pain. Once you settle in the pain with patience, then you may have something to express. But you're coming now from patience rather than resentment. And you may have something quite skillful to say, which may promote the relationship and make you feel even more in touch with yourself. But if you're already in pain, first of all, practice patience. And if you're already in resentment, go back to the pain and get into the pain until the resentment drops away, and then you're just in the pain. you're in resentment it's it's not really such a good time to talk to this person because you really you're you're bringing your uh you know tardy practice into the situation so it's not really their problem that you haven't been handling your pain with them their problem is the pain you have with them not your lack of care for that pain

[87:19]

So when you're taking good care of your pain with the person, then you can go and talk to him about the pain. You say, hey, hi pal, I got a pain with you. You know? But it's not like I got a pain with you and I'm resentful. It's like, I got a pain. You can talk to him about the pain. And a lot of times when you come with the resentment, you don't even tell him about the pain. You just say, I resent you. You don't mention that you're in pain. You just say, I resent you because you're a this, a that, and a that. Yeah, right. No, but if you come with your pain... So in our meditation, the next morning, after a situation where you have resentment or whatever the situation, and it comes up... Yeah? Worse than I'm thinking are the not serving the tea. Not serving the resentment tea? Yeah. just let, there's the resentment, let it be resentment, and then you probably, I think, might kind of say, this is kind of a little, this is not just resentment which you note and let go, but this is resentment which you note, and when you see resentment you say, you just know that resentment means a signal, resentment's a signal, which says, there's pain somewhere around here.

[88:42]

Where's the pain? It's like, He was referring to a practice, a Zen teacher, which we can talk about in detail later, but the practice is serve tea and go. In other words, have the experience and let it go. That's a meditation practice, right? When you feel resentment, that means you have not been having tea and letting it go. So to try to practice that practice, give it tea and let it go, when you haven't been doing it, is to like... recognize that you haven't been doing it and let it go. In other words, confess, I've been loafing. Now, if it's resentment, that means there's probably some pain that I haven't been addressing and letting go, addressing and letting go. So patience is to acknowledge your pain and let it go, acknowledge your pain and let it go, acknowledge your pain and let it go. That's patience. Until what? Until you have an awareness around maybe the situation. That's right. If you practice patience with pain, you gradually understand the conditions for the pain.

[89:47]

But how does that fit into non-thinking and the meditation? It would seem like... How does it fit into non-thinking? Well, patience is not quite non-thinking, but it's close. It's very close. When you see the conditions... When you start to see the conditions for your suffering, for your pain, that's that vision which is coming to you in patience is non-thinking. Non-thinking is opening your eyes to the kind of thinking you're doing which is causing you pain. Like my little daughter, when she was a little girl, she was angry at one of her friends And so she told us one time, she was at school, she came home and told us that she saw that she was getting angry at her friend for what she was thinking about her. She wasn't getting angry at her friend for what her friend was doing. She was getting angry at her friend for what she was thinking about her.

[90:51]

So we don't really see what people are doing. We see what we think they're doing. If we think someone's being helpful to us, We feel pretty good. Now, they may say, I wasn't trying to be helpful. You weren't? No. Oh. But I thought you were, so I was happy. Or someone may really sincerely, if we were in their head, we might see they were really trying to be helpful. But of course, they're ignorant, so they weren't noticing that really they were trying to be harmful. But whatever, anyway. We think such and such about them, and we're angry because of what we're thinking. When you start to see the conditions, when you start to just look at your pain and see the conditions for it, you're becoming free of your thinking, which is the source of the pain. When you start to see how your thinking is contributing to your pain, non-thinking is operating. When you study your thinking... And in particular, thinking which is at the root of painful pain.

[91:58]

Like, if I think that you hate me, then maybe I feel pain. So first I feel resentful because I haven't been noticing that I feel pain when I see you. Then I start facing the pain. Then I notice the conditions for the pain is that I think you hate me. That I think you hate me. I saw your face and it looked like you hate me. I interpreted your look as hating me. I didn't go up to you and say, Joan, do you hate me? I just spread it. Because, of course, you hate me. Probably you don't want to talk to me about it, right? So I walk on eggshells, carefully get away from you because you hate me and I feel terrible. I feel terrible because I'm scared. I feel hated. I'm in pain. If I settle with my pain, I notice that I'm in pain because of what I thought your face was saying. But the observing that sees, the way of seeing that the thinking I was doing was a source of my pain, that vision is non-thinking.

[93:02]

But it's understanding, or it's the correct way of looking at my thinking is non-thinking. I don't know why that's called non-thinking, because you're thinking about how you're thinking. No, it's more like you're just seeing how you're thinking. Oh. A realization. It's like a realization, yeah. So, that actually is a good point of departure for the practice of, the beginning of the practice of Samatha and Vipassana, or tranquility and insight. Okay? I said Sanskrit words shamatha and vipassana. Shamatha means tranquility or stabilization and vipassana means insight or higher vision. So that last comment about non-thinking and thinking about thinking or studying your thinking in a way that illuminates your thinking, that's a point of departure for studying tranquility and insight.

[94:06]

So this afternoon, in the heat of the day, I'll begin talking about tranquility, how to practice tranquility or mental stabilization. But the motivation for these practices is to realize selflessness, to develop a meditation so you can study your selfishness. You can study your thinking. You can study your boundaries. You can study your attachments and see how those are connected to your suffering and to see through your attachments, to see through your boundaries, to see through the separation of self and other, to see through self.

[95:05]

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