to learn the
the way
a buddha
to learn the way of buddha's wisdom
he is to learn about the self
and to learn about the self
is to forget the south
and to forget the self is to be enlightened by everything
when you forget about the self which is the fruit of
learning about yourself
then everything
is light
everything gives you light
but if you remember yourself and hold onto yourself
then maybe
things don't enlighten you are you don't see the light and things
how the way to put it is to learn buddha's wisdom to learn the buddha way is to learn
your stories
if if you learn your stories thoroughly
that means to forget your stories
and when you forget your stories
everything enlightened you
the people who have different stories and like you
how you forget your story and you're enlightened you may come up with another story which might be like the when you used to have
but you've just been enlightened by story is different from you
so you have a different perspective
so like if you're a democrat and you study your democrats story
democratic story
if you study it thoroughly you'll forget it and you'll be enlightened by republican stories
horror of horrors
and then you might and then after your enlightenment you might remember your democratic stories
but that's after you been enlightened by your republican friends
so you have whole new relationship with them
will you realize you're actually are living together with them to
that you they're supporting you also although you do have a difference of opinion
and you can have difference of opinion with people you're very close to like your spouse your children your parents
your teacher
but if you study your dick your opinion
thoroughly you will forget your opinion and when you forget your opinion people who have difference of opinion from you will enlighten you doesn't mean you agree with their opinion it just means their opinion which you don't agree with and you can't remember why you don't agree with it because you forgot year old story but you'd still don't agree with them maybe
but maybe you didn't use to agree with them so you forgot the way you didn't use to be with them and now you disagree with him in a new way
and all things are possible
enlightenment topics
so that's a basic paradigm of learning the buddha away
and
to blow up the section on studying the self are studying your stories
that's the blob this deception of
studying your intention to amplify it
looking and now we're lucky we're studying our stories were studying herself for studying our karma were studying our intention this is the topic
in that study i just want to mentioned that
to forget the story is similar to seeing
that your story doesn't have a self
your story doesn't have an independent existence from all the different stories around it
this is my story and it's got a self yes it does you can recognize it
god doesn't depend on the stories which it disagrees with that's wrong
the your story does depend on stories which don't agree with it
and they also depends on stories which agree with it but are different but basically they supported
but they're different all the stories support when you see that by studying your story by study your intentions
you see the selflessness of your intention and there again in the selfless was of your intention there's a hole in your intention the light can come in
you see the truth and you are happy
if we don't study our stories
the stories will degenerate
in become more and more an on
more and more less than less wholesome more and more unwholesome if the if you don't study them
then they they reproduce in a negative direction or they propagate in a negative direction when you don't study them
plus your visit and plus they caused more and more obscuration as they become more negative
but if you study your stories they propagate in a positive direction your vision gets better until you can finally see
clearly that hall stores including your good stories which are coming as a fruit of your study they are empty to good stories are as empty as
negative stories
but it's harder for people who are having negative stories
to see through them that's one of the negative the worst thing about negative stories is harder to see through
that's the summary again right there was kind of a summary do you recognize some of that game
and then the other thing is where will we at the end of last meeting oh i asked you a question i asked you
what what it was it
right
why would you say
well how do you hide is anti junior okay
has a good question how do you hide from your zen teacher or how do you hide from somebody else's and teacher
and also do you want to hide from your zen teacher and also do you think you don't need as and teacher
or would you actually think you need one but you'd rather not have when even know you need more
what's the story on this i asked you to think about this kind of stuff right
and but can you have dinner maybe got distracted
by all the avocado
any response and feedback on this question
whether they thought they come up with me yesterday
teacher marijuana
that relationship i won't be able to bargain and that relationship don't i don't want to have to learn how to count and japanese because i want to learn something else you know so that's not it's not a complete openness to them to the situation
oh you are you say you don't feel completely open he noticed you like it you'd like to have a teacher but but you also notice that you'd like to bargain about lot year
when you think there's not a can snap
he think that's not being opened that you want a bargain
he thinks you think so well
i mean think it would depend on how you
yeah we're also you could be open
are you could want you could want a bargain and you could be open to bargaining and you can also be open to not bargain bargaining so you can want a bargain and be open to not bargaining
and one way to be open to bargaining would be to say how in a bargain and the teacher could say no bargaining and then you could see how you work with that
and you might actually work with it and in a very open way
even though you and you may still want to keep bargaining
but i do not
i i suggest that if you want a bargain with somebody about what kind of relationship you have with them
and
and they don't want and they don't want a bargain and you feel okay about now bargaining have to find that they don't want a bargain
you still actually have come to that agreement together so i think that you have to i think you need to build a relationship together it's not going to work for the teacher to build a relationship but if you have a desire and you express it you're contributing to the relationship you're building it
and for the person to say i want to do that they're contributing to it too
and then for you to say
keep working at that
and then maybe staying with the relationship even though you're not getting what you want
and even not the other person's not getting what he wants
but you just keep working together with neither one of your getting what you want but both of you making that situation together we're neither one of your getting what you want so it's kind of harmonious actually
you know your bot not getting what you want together and you're both causing neither one of you to get what you want but you're doing it together isn't that he's doing it or you're doing it
and you might be really good about that that you have this total flop of a relationship
that you totally making together and then you kind of see we have this flopped relationship but as radiant
it's a radiant with cooperation of making it a wreck
we have that the lowest quality radiant relationship
i know some other people have this really like everything's work in a both or what they want and is totally dark
because they don't build it together
they think the one who thinks i said what i want on and because i said what i wanted i got it by my own statement and they said what they would they think they did with aided by themselves
so we both got what we wanted by our own power and that's kind of relationship we have and has very dark and deluded
i have guilt that i can't go right to yes
yeah
oh english think you're that your story and then and then i can you be generous about somebody saying that just your story you actually it's not true that you can't go to you suggested you have their story that your cat
discuss know where we are in now
this is i didn't think those hypothetical i thought you said
yeah so i i'm suggesting you told me that story that you can't go ideas i said it just your story is not really true that you can
i mean i shouldn't say it's not sure that you cat but i would say that the way you can't is not the store you have about how you can
there's another way that your story about how your cat isn't really the way you can't but you're not holding onto the way you can you call you on your story about the way you can
zelikow the story and see if you kill still cat

okay all right
maybe you can't go right years
maybe that's true
k but that story is told about it is not the way you can't
the way you can't is is the way you actually can't it's not just your thinking that your cat
here
what you think you are is not what you are
do you think something about yourself
like for example you think that your cat and again maybe it's true that you can't
i may be true that you can't do that
or like you can say he also say i don't know what i can't play pro vast basketball
make it say that and maybe it's true maybe in fact is just it's just not in the car maybe they wouldn't let you play or you to say i can't play in male probes basketball i actually might be able to get on a female team
you know you've been up by bribe them or something
is possible but you can say it may be true that you know that actually we can beat we can verify somehow that you can't be on a male professional basketball team
okay
but if you think that if you think about yourself and you think that you can't that your person who can't do that
there's not you that's not where you are even though literally what you said may be true but your story about it is not
i need so then you can let go of the story when you see that
and then you and then even if you still can't get right to yes you're free of being a person who can't get right d s and me and maybe that will change everything
but actually it does kind of change everything because once you're free of that story
it's kind of like you now it's not really true anymore
something like that
a collection the tendency to something
yeah yeah right
and in a way they are you but again your version of that is not how you are
and also you said that you feel
ah guilty about not being able to just say yes
and and or and i would say
if you can express that and i can be generous towards that
maybe you could be too so then you could be a person like you and have a relationship with me because both of us could actually allow you to be this person who feels guilty that you can't get to yes right away
then you could be allowed into the relationship but you might have to like
a sense that we're both agreed that you're allowed in into the relationship being will you are rather than first of all be somebody else and then come in
but that doesn't mean exactly bargaining you could say bargaining but he waits this cooperation is doing the relationship together
and again i'm a you might be feel guilty about that and i might like it or i might not like it but both of us can be generous with all that and there were then we have a relationship
but if i like it and you're not guilty of feel guilty about it you think it's fine you know and so i've i like it and you think it's fine but we don't feel like we're both be generous with that
the i think we missed our relationship because it's like we're doing each of us is doing it by ourself

so as a possibility if you want a relationship to work on that way
it really that the the point the relationship is for you to become equal
to the teacher
please not for the teacher to keep to be unequal to you
at the beginning there's some sense of inequality probably which we have to confess inequality and guilt i'm guilty of not being a master whatever
somebody else may be guilty of being a master
so it's kind of inequality there and to get over that
but it's you know
what a work
it's worth it might be you might think it's worth talking about
now are you might want to hide
can you go definitely

any other response to this yes
hama and rama was it
how my and rama does your age and roma okay so after all my roma
having a master
absolutely is very clear for me that i wanted
but i'm choosy about the master i can you hear this ah
i liked she's choosing about the master yikes i like to choosing i like to choose the master
for clarity
the master was clear that's what i feel attracted and
clarity clarity i like the clearance yeah he left the clear master
investors okay clear masters have
okay
that's fine so yeah that's that's what i liked him
want to see more yeah so if you see a clear master and you want to hang out with clear masters and go look the clear master and see keep looking to see if the master keeps being clear
it from your point of view
and then
i'm gonna certain why you might start interacting and see if the master seems clear as you start to interact
rallies sort of watching and not really kind of interacting
test the clarity
and then also watched to see if the master the clear master is patient with students who learn slowly
because i think that's a good thing to look for
especially in a clear master they might be like impatient with unclear students
so that wouldn't be good
i like the clarity but his impatient with me
so that would be a actually unhealthy situation
i say whether or not choose a unclear master because then they wouldn't be so impatient with me
because they wouldn't notice in on clearance
but i think if you find some me if you like clear and you find some make clear that also check to see of their patient
and also see update see if they continue to study the teachings
so you know and to see if they practically follow the precepts that practice the precepts because somebody could be clear you can see what a person's really clear but they didn't they don't seem to be like really be careful of
their intentions are on certain things you don't seem to be attending to that you might feel that in the you check that out
and i
does the master have any other students
and are they healthy
and they love each other or are they competitive because you might be drained his group right you want to join a click issue competitive situation right going to hell does to be with is clear master
so check out the students to make sure that's a healthy situation
candies did these are the things to look around for
if you if you find some you think it's clear
semi sense yeah it mixes with i feel like there had been several masters that been encountered when i see the carrots it's very clear
yes and then others i can see that some stuff around us
but the ones that are clear for some reason is just like
yeah so that's fine and then check out these other points
also present their important than those aren't so much about you might not you you might not be able
to see the masters clarity
fully except for these other things because you might think they're clear but maybe some other aspect of their mind is not clear which manifests as impatience
but you see they seem to be still be clear but somehow they're impatient with somebody who is not clear
some people are clear maybe but little tight around the clarity so they kind of find people who aren't clear and annoying
some people are strong but they're tighter on this strengths for there they get pushed are shaped by week people
so they try to get rid of week people
so then there's only strong people
and who will be the next week person to be pushed away
so you might find some clarity is kind of on the strong side wouldn't you say
a clear strong been he has good the ten then check out these other points because they might be showing that there's some attachment to the clarity
yeah i still have declare somebody might be very clear
you know very clear this it's this way and their little bit tight around so then this is ways to spot it
okay
huh
so what happened to me this afternoon when you asked the question was that i felt this constricting is pulling away inside pulling away inside
and i have just told that story at dinnertime and then you sat down
what was a story that you told a dinnertime
that that i felt this pulling away and i can feel it and then you were telling really that your affiliate constriction are pulling away when you heard this question about teacher yeah that was my experience and then i walked over and then i experienced again and then you raise
the question again and i experienced it again and then
so is
i don't have it as much now as i had it sitting in the channel
thank you for telling us about that it's very interesting
and
kind of archetypal and know it's kind of rock
as you can see lindsay had the same thing
one of the people you most want to be with when you think about being with them you start tightening up
what's happening now
i feel some construction yeah screw
here

he was breathing with the constriction
hmm
breathing into it

give your generous is the as is a breathing generously and going into it
are you getting your breath to this construction
does that seem right
i think right for the seems scary to think
does the same cimarron

so right says right but it's scary to say it
huh anymore of the output that she liked it
express
hmm
here
here i would rather you hit me
he
i think i like be in the background

i think she likes being in the background because
i guess to avoid creating the story between us
that way prevent me
feel comfortable here
the do
maybe holding you into high regard
and maybe not knowing how to form a question
knowing there's something i don't understand that not knowing how you to say it
could you hear

so knowing that there's a question in my mind but not knowing how to
what what that question is
you're getting a lot of response

you feel the response has you're getting
how does do feel comfortable with the response
but you really have a tentative estate towards the back because you think if you come up you might not feel comfortable with the response
hum
i guess your that you have to start going

do you feel like kind of complete now he did the i can thank you
yes
several came up
it's kind of rolling around
okay several things will come up as she's rolling this this being this question
i forget how how to articulate the christian picking no yeah
that's part of what's coming up i think it
it's this was more like this a question in my heart and i'm trying to ask it with my mind
ha
no i can hear the answer because what i hear his words and what i do with the words was thinking but it's my heart that trying to ask a question
one thing
and
i also was remembering the story about them
the monk who goes to the master end the master
let's have tea
and the master keeps pouring tea and bring the to bring the t
and i feel like sometimes
that's me if i'm asking questions but i'm not really hearing i'm afraid to hear the answer because they might change me
and sometimes i'm afraid to hear the answer from my own teacher my internal teacher i don't listen
i might have to give up my story
are your question
it's doing a lot of work in me

thank you for expressing them
huh
hey you know if i heard the story to read i thought that
we're just the opposite that i was just the opposite
when i was down
daddy with my teacher i felt that i was a pain in the pipe from my teacher trying to you know
get answers
i'm thinking this i realize why was like that is because i was the youngest in the family of four so i was always looking for confirmation
so i remember that
when i started studying
i can ninety five with linda
i was there a front line asking question all the time i have to try to stay quiet to allow other people talk
and i think that i was like that with you too
because of the second day i already talked like three or four times asking questions
and this dangles by
i feel
wars
like i can answer any questions by hearing people
so i just wanted to throw that
because i feel that i was the officer
of that student
and now one thing that i want to ask you is that what i saw in the story of the parallel between you and now
we've got the name of their and there's be lane g
is that down
i would say the teacher is that suzuki roshi really care for you so he woke up and make you start
he did it two times because he cared for you
what would count
and
and to me i interpreted life was not to study japanese but to follow instruction of the teacher because when you
decide to have a teacher you have to trust a teacher
and follow he said
he's teaching
because you don't know where you're going by petition knows what you need
so he was crucial to keep counting
and so much to say thank you

huh
huh
hey i can feel my heart and my uncle bob
i can feel my heart in my whole body
i don't know how i got here
oh
i feel tremendous gratitude
the presence of all of you here
have a confession
i love
really
feeling of tightness
where family
what's holding on to myself
and i came here last night
wholeheartedly practicing
generosity
and my meditations were gentle
some time after i sat it this afternoon i started feeling
this constriction
and i was feeling discomfort in my body and i was breathing into that and with the exhalation letting go feeling supported
by everyone here all beings
i became angry
because this feeling that i had last night and first thing in the morning
that i was clinging to was no longer present
so i went back into the fear
of staying still
and being
present with my fear
and i'm frustrated
because
i'm challenged practice patience with it
and i think what the fear with the fear and is it fear of being still no well as fear of showing myself in herself i think
i am
huh
can i have stories
hum
i'm challenged with a toddler and a practice now
what if i if i'm just quiet
and still in my body
i know the truth the truth is there
and that i am home
the rams supported
by all things

huh
huh
huh
huh
it's hard to choose a teacher
every master that i made my way
i mean
i could take
from any money something important
i saw get no comment
he said the dalai lama wow said the massive would have been pushing from san francisco
he was in a wild stage
hey
i read
i am a bad
can you hear her
did you hear about the wilds
and then she said i read harry i am that
baba ji
so it's hard to choose
he say among these people who year impressed by
amazing
i feel so fortunate and so lucky me
master
i feel strange of wondering it's time
well i would like response to that
i'm a big
at it
can you build a relationship
with these people and practically speaking you might not be able to build a relationship with tick not harm or the diamond
they might not actually be able to meet with you and work out
the kind of thing we've been talking about
so in some sense you don't have to choose it using them who wouldn't
wouldn't allow you to to feel a sense of cooperation and a form of your practice other than just going with lots of other people and
and enjoying their teaching and enjoying their wonderful presidents and enjoying the presence of the people who are there to help
so that the fact that year at what
i just saw you know and i was a child i went to the church and in my church had a priest in it and
and then one time i went to a special ceremony and a bishop came from another state for the ceremony and
and that was nice to see the bishop but the i didn't that's last time he saw the bishops so
is your situation such that you can actually be with some peep somebody
and work with somebody among the people who you feel this openness to and his appreciation for who among them can you is your situation such that you can actually meet with them face to face on a regular basis
so this is the circumstances also
make the choice for you and the other person
i actually did me some
and i just painted why should be ready to have a teacher and i don't know
nodded i know what he thinks to be ready but i don't feel they're ready
okay
you don't feel it already do actually know anybody that you actually want to have that kind of relationship with
oh i studied pretty an empty yeah
because are gurdjieff practice
i know is a graduate student who is available to be a teacher who's who you actually can go be with and you want do that with somebody ray but it's not i'm now fully committed right but is there somebody you want to explore that worth
yeah there is yes but again it just another one there are other
i guess by come to the conclusion that i don't think i'm ready okay to make the commitment to follow
headteacher and right but what i'm suggesting to you is that before you're ready to make the commitment you have you already have some exercise to do
that is among the people
who you actually would be interested not yet ready to make a commitment to but you're actually interested in studying with them
so if there's one or two or three of them then go to them
and check them out
and see in that process if they satisfy some of these requirements i suggested and then based on that that will help you get ready to make the commitment you really i wouldn't advise you to make a commitment before you
check these things out
but check those things out with people that you're attracted to
so you're attracted made let's say your cartridge for more than one go to all three
check all three out
this work is really good work
it's not a waste of time even if you didn't choose one of the three and if it took a lot of time to go listen to them and look at the hub
see how they are it wouldn't be a waste of time because your be extremely exploring your own heart
so it's really good it's good work then if you did this exploration and they satisfy these requirements over a long period of time like a couple of years then make a comment if you want to but if you want to but you haven't checked that this situation out i would advise you not do
and i would say that a teacher who would let you do that is not very experienced
they would encourage you check check it out mark make sure you like the students here and so on
before you commit to this relationship and i don't want to commit to you before you have found out who i am a little bit more
so being attractive someone's or a good place to start and then start exploring
from there and then it then there's the conclusion of that exploration which would probably take about two years with one person but you could do with more than one person at once that's a lot of time then condemned make the commitment
i would say
when to thank you
another reminder
yeah it's been great having your like you
huh
so everyone in this room in this center
in the state of california
in this country in this universe is my master
the same towards them

huh
huh
have been trying to decide if i would feel more pain but i can appear if i didn't want
so let's shore
did you
so you didn't mean you weren't really sure if it would be more painful when they came up
but you thought maybe it would be more painful if you didn't but you weren't sure what you thought probably i thought if i didn't the pain and be longer lasting
a cute
and also
how ah important point
important point also more familiar if you didn't come up that pain would be longer lasting not so acute but a longer lasting and more familiar
yeah this is this is less familiar right
a little we're
how close this christian world
can you smell the roses
try
very nice very nice
i say my story but there is snow
hmm
when i was very much didn't environment
gb really part of the story for exciting back
you identified with lindsay in the part of this story before he went to see the teacher yes yeah we're filling a piece of refining and this i'll stay back here i'm okay
me feeling for a while
during sitting with you in hear you talk on occasion creeping up in class but
felt no particular urge to come
get whacked
however skillfully
when
i had thought i should come and tell you that thank you for telling me that
you never told me before you felt this affinity with an nj prior to his visit to the teacher
i didn't know that i did yeah there was this kind of a up
see these stories help us you see that's that ancient story helped him find himself in his in this great old master he didn't know that he would find himself in lindsay
but she did
before lindzey was enlightening we just like you
before buddhism buddhism just like us
and then comes the hard part
hi
of course you had to send your head want to come get me i wouldn't shut up earlier
the

how is it painful
no it's actually sad sad
you said
while i don't either
i mean i do but
not really
nah specific
but that's a nice story
he came up and said he was sad
huh
huh
huh
huh

i appreciate or docusign
which i
shared my resistance
hello and contract in around an idea
creating separation
and i
i'm aware that i'm here for today
and i'm aware
i use the ability to be able to pick and choose to control the amount of
seem to imagined
unpleasant tree weather resistance here are other factors
and as i say
feels like
he feels like a lot of extra
like
does it feel very true even i i somehow
have a distorted
thread through that picking and choosing as if it's creating a freedom for me
he name may we all
ah
be blessed with giving up trying to control
her life
and confessing that we're trying to control it i think is generally speaking conducive to letting go of trying to control it so thanks for the confession
and we'd probably all can notice that we to some extent are trying to control
hi life and that is not
we don't feel free
in that and when wait
consider not trying to control for a while we feel quite free for a while
so the nice pic is day tomorrow
and spend spending the morning enjoying not trying to control what's happening but hopefully you'll be able to do it in santa cruz
spread the non-controlling way
to the city
so when we come through a weeping uncontrollably pass up through that uncontrolled area
easily take up
it's a healthy smile

huh

huh
after lindzey was enlightened he stay with longbow longer and
practice together with his teacher more and then he at some point got invited to be a teacher
and the way he taught was he would basically can teach like this and inviting people to come up
and they would come up courageously come up and then something would happen and
and even though those things happened other people dared to come up
and more things happen and more people and more people dared to come up
and what happened was something that would make most people want to can not want to come up
but they kept coming
and they kept coming
and he had great disciples eventually
a new people have been very courageous tonight
and ah
that's what we need is curved people to have the courage to do the thing called expressing themselves in the middle of all beings so very good
very good
so six thirty we start again with some