I'm not sure what led to the possibility of relating a birth story, a birth story of the Buddha. But anyway, I was about to bring it up last week, but there wasn't time, so I just gave a brief, just a brief picture of the story. And then there was some responses to the story. And so I wondered if this is something that we should look at this time or not. Any responses? One person's nodding her head means you think, look at the story? You were up for it last week too, weren't you? Are there any objections to looking at the story, hearing about it?

[01:08]

So there are these stories which are called which means birth story. And they're stories about the historical Buddha's past lives. And someone mentioned to me that some scholars think that these stories were made up by the Mahayana practitioners, the practitioners of the great vehicle of the Bodhisattva and that they weren't really circulating at the time of the historical Buddha and the historical Buddha didn't really say these stories about himself. However these stories appear in the Pali literature which is the literature of supposedly the early teachings of the historical Buddha.

[02:16]

But I could imagine that the scholars would suggest that once these stories were made up, they were so good that the older tradition didn't want to be without them. Even though they might not have been authentic, they didn't want the Mahayana people to have the story and then not have it. But anyway, it's about the bodhisattva. Bodhisattva originally meant the Buddha in past lives evolving towards Buddhahood. And then after the historical Buddha passed into perfect nirvana, the adopted that word for the practitioners of the great vehicle. for beings who are not just going to attain an awakening which will personally liberate them from delusion and suffering, but a path of actually becoming Buddha, of actually realizing Buddha.

[03:27]

And of course that doesn't need to be understood as a person all by herself realizing Buddha. but realizing in this world what Buddha really is. But these stories are about individual beings heading towards this Buddhahood. And this story was about a person who wished to practice asceticism and went into the forest to do so. was very happily practicing in the forest, and his practice was, his central practice was the practice of patience, the practice of being patient, particularly with his own experience, because there weren't a lot of people out in the forest with him.

[04:30]

He might have had to practice patience with insects and other animals and plants. Mainly he was working on his own suffering and his own discomforts. He was working inwardly on himself. so that his inner discomforts and his inner confusions and delusions and unwholesome states would be cared for in such a way to actually enslave him and cause harm to himself and others. Now there was a king who on a hot spring wanted to go into the forest where it was cooler and where there was some beautiful waters where one could refresh oneself.

[05:52]

So he went with his harem and probably also some guards. some military escort. He went into the forest and they had a lovely afternoon or day, frolicking in the forest and refreshing themselves. The king, the powerful king, also drank some intoxicating beverages and After having his fill of such pleasures, he decided to take a nap. And when he took a nap, his harem, seeing that he didn't need their services and their attention, left him resting, probably with a guard, and went off in other areas of the forest and came upon this young man.

[07:00]

And when they saw him, they were pleased to see his serene, blissful presence. And they politely approached him. and asked him about his practice. Or I guess, I think they actually asked if they could approach him and he said, okay. And they came close and asked him about his practice and he said, my practice is... And they asked him to give them some teachings about the practice and he did and they were pleased. And then the king woke up from his nap, his harem was gone, and went looking for them.

[08:03]

He wasn't pleased that they were gone, I don't think. And then as he approached, he saw them listening to the teachings of this yogi, and he kind of felt more interested in him than the king. And he was jealous and became very angry. He was still drunk. He was still intoxicated and he was angry. So he grabbed the sword from his own body or from his attendants and went stumbling at the yogi to punish him for what he perceived as usurping the attention of his harem. The senior members of the harem, the queens,

[09:08]

I saw him coming and were distressed to see his rage and went to him and kindly talked to him. tell him that this man did not attract them, he did not distract them, he was just quietly sitting, and he did nothing, and they actually approached him because they thought it wasn't necessary for them to stay with the king. Basically the king calmed down a little bit, but not completely. And he got this idea, oh, this yogi is not a real yogi, not a real ascetic. He's a fake. In the Buddhist tradition, there's two kinds of ascetics, two kinds of yogis that are criticized as not being authentic.

[10:19]

And one type is a yogi who is able to attain concentration and the power that comes from concentrating one's energy. Various, when you're concentrated you can, you know, hit baseballs better and play ping pong better, so fly and things like that. So there was, in Indian culture at that time and before, there was a sense that great concentrated beings had great powers. So in the Buddha tradition, it's not that we deny that, but we question the use of that power for any unwholesome or personal gain. So that would be one kind of false yogi. But the king didn't suspect him of being that kind of false yogi. He thought he was a false yogi, which is a yogi who doesn't practice yoga.

[11:23]

A person who has a practice which they espouse to and get support for, but they don't really practice it. So he assumed that this yogi was not really what he and wanted to test him. So he asked him after he calmed down a little bit, but he still wanted to kind of refute him or, you know, disgrace him. So at that time his harem, he was still not in a bad mood, went away very unhappily because they thought he might hurt this peaceful person. So then he calls and he says, false ascetic, false yogi, what is your practice? He said, patience is my practice. And so then the king said, oh, you're patient, are you?

[12:30]

Well, and then he cut his hands off or his arms off. Now what is your practice? What is the teaching of your practice? And the yogi said, patience, your majesty, is my practice. But your majesty doesn't seem to understand that cutting off touch is my patience practice. We'll now reach it. And so then the king cuts off his legs and asked him, now what is your practice? False, ascetic. And he says, my practice is still. But you don't seem to know where it lives. And then the king cut his ears and his nose off and again said, what is your practice?

[13:33]

And the ascetic said, Patience. But the king doesn't know where it lives. The king says, where does it live? And he said, deep in my heart. And then the king kicks his heart and knocks him over and storms off. And then one of the king's attendants, a general, comes over to the yogi and tries to give him some medical attention, but says to him, no, it's OK if you get angry, if you lose your patience, but don't use your power to destroy the nation. So that part of the story shows that the general thought this yogi had great power and did not want the yogi to use the power to take revenge on the king and his army.

[14:37]

And the yogi said, I'm not angry and I won't take revenge. I wish the king peace and happiness. I have no ill will towards the king. And Then at the end, I guess the Buddha says, and that yogi is my ancestor. That yogi, that life led to this life. That's the story. I don't know what led me to bring it up, but that's a brief version of the story. And as I said, you can find it if you write in kshantivadam, kantivadam, in the

[15:43]

On Google. It's a long story. And it's so long that it makes me feel like, gee, it surprised me that the Buddha would go into such detail about this. Because it seems like he's busy. He's got a lot of other things to do besides telling long, elaborate stories. But that's the story. And one person who's not here tonight sent me a message saying that it's not okay... Are you saying that it's not okay to disallow abuse? That's a lot of negatives. Not okay to disallow abuse. And I said that it's fine to disallow abuse. it can be quite helpful to disallow abuse.

[16:48]

You can disallow lots of things that can be quite helpful. Like I use example, I disallowed the x-ray technicians from moving my leg because I thought it would be too much for me. If they had moved it anyway, I don't know if I would have lost my patience. As it was, they didn't, and I didn't lose my patience even though I was uncomfortable. But if they had moved it, I don't know if I would have lost my patience. I screamed in pain and not got angry at them because, yeah, that's what I would like to do. So part of the story is about the king who is trying to control things in the world but can't control himself, or rather I should say he can't control things in the world and can't encounter or manage his own inner turmoil and confusion and ill will and fear and possessiveness.

[17:53]

He doesn't even have the idea to look there to see what's going on. of his emotions and trying to control the external world and the yogi is primarily trying to cultivate and care for and develop compassion in relationship to his own inner life and from that hopefully he could relate to the external world in a way that would help the external world but he wasn't trying to control the external world And the Buddha's life, the historical Buddha generally speaking, I think, I feel, I see the Buddha demonstrating the world, but not trying to control it. And I don't remember him saying, I cannot control the world, but I feel like he almost said that. I'm not able to control the world. I have great powers, but I'm not able to control the world.

[18:56]

But I am able to benefit the world. I am able to be kind to the world inwardly and outwardly. And I can be kind to the world outwardly because I'm kind to the world inwardly. If we aren't kind to ourselves inwardly, that will interfere with us being kind to ourselves outwardly. My outer self is all beings. your outer self is all beings. Is that your story? Or is that a story that you wish to live? Because even if you live that story, it's not necessarily yours, right? So I don't want to say that's my story because it isn't really mine. It's a story which I

[19:58]

with innumerable bodhisattvas. But I hear from the bodhisattvas that that's their story. The people moving towards Buddhahood, their story is that their outer self is all beings, their inner self is their, you know, their emotions, their thoughts, their feelings. But my thoughts and my feelings and my emotions are part of your outer self. It's not something that is mine, that I own, but it's a story I aspire to. I aspire to learn how to respond compassionately to my inner state. for the sake of responding compassionately to my outer state.

[21:05]

So without being possessive, what do you aspire to and what questions do you have about such a story or such a path? Yes. You aspire to have an appropriate response to what's happening? Yeah. You like to have an appropriate response to whatever comes. And so I think that the story that I would want to have, it would have to have that kind of patience.

[22:16]

Like we have the story with his back, I would want to support by being able to respond appropriately. Not necessarily that I would let somebody cut off my mark. But I think it makes sense to me that you would have to be open to that possibility. You couldn't have a whole lot of possible responses that were off limits before you could guide the situation. You would either want to have anything get essentially for a real response. Right. If it might be an appropriate response, that will hinder realizing the appropriate response. But the appropriate response could have been, please, Your Majesty, do not... I see you're raising your sword now.

[23:18]

Please do not cut me. I'm, you know... That's too much for me. I cannot allow you to do that. Pardon? Yeah, or please don't do that because that won't be good for you. As a matter of fact, you can change the story if you like and make a new one where the yogi says, please, your majesty, do not harm me because that will not be good for you. And then the king says, thank you, see you later. Or the king says, how do you know what's up? And cuts them anyway. You tell two versions and see which one lasts for 2,000 years. Probably they both would. You can say one more thing? Yes. the three white guys that went to the South.

[24:26]

So there was, during the Civil Rights Movement, there were these three white guys. I'm not thinking white guys. But before the change, and they went to voter registration, and they were taken out and killed by the bus plan or something. I don't know if that's true, but One of them, one of the people that killed them, confessed later, because what God had sent me in this time and thought, I knew this kind of thing. And that led to several things later, because, you know, that's going to be just orchid in this day and age. So much that happened. In contemplating the story, I've been asking myself, what is the balance between taking care of the external world, like, for example, cleaning the house, or saving money, or taking care of a car,

[25:56]

You know, how much of that can I do without getting distracted from my inner awareness? And which is really most important? To have a clean house or to be working on myself? Now, even if I say that working on myself, studying myself is really what's important, still I do clean the house. And when I do that, do I forsake my self-study at that time? I don't have to, but there's a possibility that I would get distracted from my self-study by vacuuming. It makes a lot of noise, that vacuum.

[27:05]

It's hard to even hear myself think when I'm vacuuming. Not impossible, but it's noisy. And if I knew that actually vacuuming would be so loud that I wouldn't be able to would I give up vacuuming? Because it's too advanced for me. and then try to quietly ask somebody else to do the vacuuming? Who's more advanced? Yes? What are you doing when you're not vacuuming? What do I do when I'm not vacuuming? What are you doing when you're taking care of yourself? Well, I'm aware of myself. Here's something I wanted to tell you about. I bought this new car. It's a holy car. It gets really good gas mileage. And people say, do you like your new car?

[28:13]

And I say, well, I don't exactly like it, but I do kind of like being holy. I like shrinking carbon footprint. I like this really good mileage. I like it. I feel good about it. I feel like I'm doing the right thing. But now I learned another thing about this. And that is I learned to. I'm not just in a car that gets good mileage. I'm driving slower than I did in other cars. Where I'm not so aware that driving, how the speed decreases the mileage. So now I'm driving really slow and I'm driving kind of as slow as harming the people behind me. So I probably won't be getting any tickets for quite a long time because I'm driving really slow. Did they give you tickets for driving too slowly?

[29:14]

They do? How slow? Huh? And they give you a ticket for driving too slowly? There's six or more cars piled up behind you when one goes faster than I think you are. Okay, six or more? How do you... Anyway... Anyway, I... I noticed that I slowed down. I'm really driving much slower. And then I notice... that I notice I feel a lot different driving slower. It's really, I'm more aware of myself driving slower and it makes me, it makes me more kind of interested to study myself when I'm going slower. I'm more interested, yeah, more interested. I'm not so much trying to get somewhere anymore.

[30:15]

I leave earlier, I'm not so concerned because the longer it takes, the better the mileage. So, you know, I'm not saying I never noticed my inner state when I was driving before. I did. But I notice it more now when I'm driving down. And I've noticed that I'm more aware of myself driving now than I'm driving slower. But I could get distracted or I could even try to distract myself by, you know, turning on the radio. But again, what am I turning the radio on for? Is it part of practicing patience to turn the radio on? Is it part of studying myself to turn the radio on? Or am I trying to go someplace else and be just here with me the way I am?

[31:19]

I'm the first person and maybe the only person in the neighborhood who's looking to see that. If somebody is in a car with me, they may ask me, are you studying yourself? If one of you were in the car, you'd probably be asking me that, right? Did I answer your question? You have any further questions about that? No? How about you? What are you studying? Did you ask me what I was studying, or what did you ask me? I asked you what you were studying back in the year, doing the laundry, or what other things you were referring to. Oh, yeah, that's what I'm studying. And driving slower, I can drive and study. Pardon? I would tend to get more distracted as I drive faster, but not just drive faster, but drive faster to go faster.

[32:30]

Like drive faster, step on the accelerator to get there faster. Step on the accelerator to go faster. Step on the accelerator to go the appropriate speed. Not trying to get anything, but just be, what do you call it, in the zone, so to speak. And the vacuum machine, what I need is a vacuum machine that gives a better mileage if I'm meditating. But I don't have a vacuum cleaner like that. I have a car that gets better mileage if I drive more slowly, which means I have a car which gets better mileage if I'm... Of course, you can drive more slowly, but not study. But it has had that effect that I'm studying myself more driving this car than I have driving other cars.

[33:32]

And I borrowed one of Green Gulch's cars a while ago. I told you about the car that kind of blew up. So during that time I gave my holy car to my spouse. So then I didn't have a car. So I borrowed Green Gulch's car. And Green Gulch has this old clunker which had just recently been started very well. It's an old Subaru station wagon. And I got in it and I thought, this is like a Corvette compared to my holy car. And again, it's harder to meditate in that clunker because it's like a sports car compared to my car. There's no indication that driving it with a little bit peppier way, no indication that that affects the mileage. It's kind of more fun to go a little faster, you know, to like zip up the hill rather than crawling up the hill.

[34:42]

unless somebody's behind me. And then I give up crawling and go at a speed that they would like or pull over. I'm also pulling over more than I used to. So again, vacuuming makes it harder for me to study myself, actually. It's kind of like I'm trying to clean, huh? Sweeping? I also do with the broom. The broom is easier to meditate, yeah. However, the broom does not work very well on carpet. What? You said to sweep more. You have to sweep more, yeah, right. I don't like vacuuming. Well, actually, I like vacuuming. It's just it's hard to meditate when you vacuum. It's more advanced, I think, for me anyway. And then there's also it's hard to vacuum in a symmetrical way, you know. practice, quite advanced for some of us. Yes? What occurs to me as I'm listening to you speak about your experience is that maybe it's the contrast.

[35:54]

It's not that slow or fast. It's more like if you have a . And it brings up a different awareness. Yeah, the contrast might be part of it. I'll check that out. Yes. I'm probably relating to the story part. You're relating to what? I'm trying to put it in words for a moment.

[36:59]

What that was about is how I relate for views. I get a little bit that the views, most of the people look at that as a story about views, which, I had an opportunity on Friday, on that Friday, to see that. I had someone called me from Seattle, that's Mr. Peter, and I was angry. And it felt like he was yelling at me, but he wasn't. And just because of the musicians, it felt like he was yelling at me. So I got triggered and upset. And it took me like a whole day to come down and speak through the story. It was like I was scared at the same time.

[38:02]

So the way he was relaying it took his own fear, which Because of the abuse, because of the story, I didn't see it at first. It took some time to see that my story prohibited people from actually speaking. There was time, and that took a breath. So... Well, it wasn't so much that your story prohibited you, but the way you responded to your story. Yes. Yeah, the way you responded... inhibited your ability to understand. Luckily, I didn't say anything to him. I just said, yes, yes, yes. And I had enough time to process it and realize that I could really actually work. Because what I want to do, I want to operate in the world to be of help, to be How can I help you? I could see it's easier, and I wanted to help you.

[39:05]

And I actually came up with a solution to help you, and I was very happy. It worked out really well. But it's both the story and how it relates to that story of yours. But I have no time at all, right? There was some left over there. Yeah. And it's more, I'm beginning to see more situations of life that lessen that quality. The clutter in my life is... going on. Lucky I don't say anything, or someone's not around for me to say anything. I consider that to be very lucky. And then I had a subjective process to look at it and see this again. ...relationship to what you have long time ago, or you have somebody that you have loved, or, you know, all kinds of different stories, essentially.

[40:15]

And then, first, at some point, how, I guess, be another person's shoes, at least, at some point, and see them, not take this person, essentially. And the response that comes when I seek to seek this person out, the response that comes is that either be helpful directly or be helpful indirectly in the way of being an adult in the situation. That I don't intend to be, I won't be if it happens right away. That kind of story reminds me that Yeah. I'm grateful for being affected, but I can see more situation for them when they come now. And I'm really glad what she was saying about the car driving faster being more down and being more present.

[41:22]

And sexually, It's really like a trip to a different world. We are relaxed and we enjoy it. After that, we have to go back to dance all the time. It's just insane. Sometimes it's weird. You said, when you said, I was very lucky that no one was around. And that also reminded me of the story because he was very lucky. The yogi was very lucky because he spent a lot of time when nobody was around. So he could be, he was having his stories there out in the woods, right?

[42:25]

But he, because nobody was around, so he could work on his stories rather than have to, you know, talk and get distracted from his work. So it was very lucky that he could have... So we need some time when nobody's around so that we can check ourselves out. We can check these stories out. not just the stories, but also the story of our response to the story, to see how do I feel about that, why am I upset about that afterwards and so on, rather than have somebody around right afterwards and then we don't have a chance to look. Aside from the trouble we get into, we need some time to look at our stories. that if you've been given this opportunity to have some time when nobody's around, or even if someone's around where they're letting you look at yourself, that they're being quiet, that they're giving you some solitude.

[43:34]

Rilke said that, I think he said, maybe he said something like this, but forget about Rilke and just say, a spiritual marriage is a marriage where the partners are protecting each other's solitude, that you let the other person be quiet. But that's the same in just friendships or spiritual. You let your partner, you let your friend be as though there weren't anybody around so that they can work on themselves, so they can study themselves. So when we're together, Yeah, let's try to help the person and maybe ask them to help us too. Yes? I have to tell you a story. You have to tell me a story?

[44:37]

Yes. Okay. Would you tell loud? Sure. I think it was last week. That week? There you go. the class and we got in our car and we were driving and we go down Ashby, we go and get on the expressway and the car in front of us and there's cars moving by and we're going along and we're trying to get over into the lane the next lane over. But we can't, because there's a car in front of us, and they're going kind of . And we can't get around, we're like, boy, this person's, they're really going slow. Who is this person? But go around, and it's you. Sorry. So, you never got home?

[45:47]

You couldn't go the usual way? No, we just couldn't pass you. Pardon? You did pass me. We did. You did pass me. It was dangerous passing you. It was dangerous. That was the G-rated version of the story. I have a story. I use the computer at the local library. You did what with the computer? I use the computer at the local library where I live. And at the very end of the series of computers, There's the last computer and then one more which kind of sticks out that way. So it's always a tight squeeze. And I came in and I looked to the left here and I saw someone was sitting.

[46:54]

Someone was sitting to the right of me. And I sent a letter to the person on the left because I knew that it was going to be hard to get in. And I wanted to be... aware of me. And he just looked at me, didn't say hello, not even a kind of smile. And I vaguely remember once before that this person didn't respond when I said hello and seemed angry. So then I sat down and I kind of rolled forward. The chairs are unrolled. Then maybe I backed up a little, you know, to screw myself off. And all of a sudden, there's this loud... And I turned around to my left, and he said, you pinched my elbow in between the two chairs. He was really in pain. He seemed really in pain. And I said, I'm so sorry. And then he looked at me and he said,

[47:59]

Did you do that on purpose? And I got angry and I said, how could you even ask a question like that? Would you do something like that on purpose? And then he got up and he went to the librarian and he talked to her and after a while I got up and talked to her too because I was worried that he was going to say something that wasn't going to be quite like it happened. And she said, well, he's very upset. He wants us to take the gun. And I said, well, you know, he's very angry. And the woman next to me on the right said the same thing. And I told her exactly what I thought happened. And I said, you know, maybe he's going to sue somebody because he wants to get something out of this. Don't worry, he's not going to sue you.

[49:02]

He'll sue the library. And I said, well, I don't have any trouble either. And she said, well, he's going to Kaiser now. He's going to see the doctor. I asked him, I said, well, can I do anything to help you before you leave? And he just ignored me. He was very, very angry. It was very unpleasant. It was really, really unpleasant. But then, you know, I was thinking, Was there some ill will on my part? Because when I sat down and said hello to him, he just didn't respond. His face was like a stone sculpture. And, you know, did I push the chair back too suddenly? I mean, I certainly didn't say anything, but it pinched this guy's elbow in between chairs and caused him pain. It was very unpleasant. He could have been a drunk. But I thought about it a lot.

[50:16]

I just couldn't let it go and think, oh, this is another angry person, because I did touch his elbow. I did bump his elbow off. The obituary of New York Times last week of Elizabeth Taylor, and in the obituary there's a story that Joan Rivers, who's a comedian, told that she'd been making jokes at Elizabeth Taylor since fast as she got older and put up weight. Her most famous joke was that Elizabeth Taylor had more the Chinese phone book.

[51:22]

That got a lot of praise. And then she heard a story that when Elizabeth Taylor heard that joke, she said, that doesn't touch me before I live. And I heard that same phrase in her story, too. And also, Joan Rickards, when she heard that response, Elizabeth Taylor became her idol for life. So I guess one question that comes up for me in that story is, you know, we're doing that. And it does remind me of that same approach. But we don't see, unlike Christ, we don't see the yogi struggling with faith in this situation. And I'm just curious about thoughts about faith in that story rather than another way to say patience in this case about where you live?

[52:25]

I do quite follow. Well, is faith another synonymous with patience in this context, Buddhist context? I guess his faith is patience. Patience is what he trusts. He lives in the heart of believing that that's the way he wants to live, is to respond to whatever happens. He believes in that. But is he being patient with the ignorance and the delusion and the hatred that came in this situation? Is it patience with others' delusion or hatred or slander toward you? Yes, patience with that. Yeah, definitely. Patience with your thought that he's deluded. Like, this king is intoxicated, powerful, deluded, frightened.

[53:39]

That's what I think about the king. And I feel uncomfortable when I think, or stupid, I might feel uncomfortable If I think that about somebody, I might think, well, they're not worthy, blah, blah, blah. But again, another thing that Enrika said was that she didn't take it personally. So as I mentioned, in the Diamond Sutra, when the story is quoted, the Buddha said, the reason why I It was my patience with this king is that I didn't feel like I didn't take it personally. I didn't feel like he was separate from me and his stupidity and his fear and his intoxication and his possessiveness and his being threatened by my powers. The possessiveness of his harem, I didn't think how disgusting because I saw the king was me.

[54:49]

like, I know how you feel. So the Diamond Sutra is saying, the Buddha was saying, I know how you feel, man. You think I took your harem away from you. I know how you feel. But this story didn't emphasize that he could see this person with himself. But still, he was patient with... You see, the patience is key. person who is doing the thing which you think is not so good or this thing you think is stupid or degrading you can still think that that the person is harming themselves but the thing is you don't think that somebody other than you is harming themselves patience will help you not just not get angry at the person and wish them well but something even more completely enlightened of realizing that this is yourself you're meeting.

[55:54]

And this is a difficult situation to meet yourself. But that's sort of the ultimate point of patience is to realize that the thing we're being patient with is ourself all the time. That, yeah, that our inner pain, our inner confusion, and our inner confusion, that's who we are. We're nothing in addition to any of that. But if you don't practice patience, it's really hard to realize it. If we can't, like, be there in the interface between two things that are really completing each other, because there's a point sometimes. Somebody's driving too fast, somebody's driving too slow, somebody's, you know, that's a hard place to be. That's a hard place to be patient. But if we can be patient, we can realize that who we're talking to is ourselves.

[57:00]

That who's talking to us, that who's accusing us, that who's abusing us is ourself. And it doesn't mean that we don't come back with some appropriate response to this thing which both parties may call abuse. We might, but that the response would be the response of is realizing that they're talking to themselves. But we've got to be able to be here to have that realization. If it's theoretical and we're off to the side, it doesn't count. Take your seat and then do it. We need patience. It's very hard to talk about what it's like to look at someone else and see their thoughts for ourselves. But I think that's... It's not like being that state where I didn't.

[58:06]

And so for me, this story is not really about abuse. It's more, it has to take this radicalist, mean situation and get this shitness out of trying to kind of get off the hook, or trying to rationalize it. Like the story of Deep Hole, and the story of Zeitgeist, are all ones that are, like, I have these incredible problems about things that are not really getting used, anywhere near that. But I spoke to people, and it's still so difficult to not get angry or be angry. So to have a story that has such an extreme, what most of us would say, extreme boredom, it becomes like, you can kind of say, oh, he was a Jewish agent, or he was in this plane, or he was in this sector, but we really can't kind of like grasp that. So it has to, what the nature of the extreme situation causes us to be amazed at that thing, and to kind of inquire, like how could that be?

[59:17]

What is it? You know, that's, Like, what kind of Asians is that? What kind of situation is that? And so that's kind of what I think of. I mean, I don't feel so horrified by it or to see it as a marketing word. I see it more as the conundrum that makes me say, what is that? Usually, whenever you bring up this, I hate it. It's like, we're doing pride in the class, and then you bring up patience, and every single pride. It's like a hole in the road. As I'm looking at that tonight, what that is, and I think,

[60:19]

The way I've understood patience, maybe I don't understand it that way after tonight, but I've understood it as having the quality of waiting for something. So I'm patient, but I'll hear patience last night. I'll be okay with it. But if I'm hearing it tonight, I don't know what the night is. Is patience really another way of what you talked about in the past when you talked about welcoming what is? Because when you talk about when you bring that up, it's like some thrill and delight. It's like, oh, what a wonderful talent. I love that. But the idea of being patient. built an argument to the work called something's happening, I want it to stop happening, and so I have to apply this standing called patience. Can I say something just for a moment? Can I say something for a moment? Can you hear her? Would you speak up a little bit? You're talking in my direction.

[61:22]

Could you speak up a little bit? Okay. Did you ask me a question, right? Sort of? Yeah. Before I answer your question, did you want me to call on you before I respond to that? So, the first practice is welcoming. The first practice is, you know, say thank you to it. The next practice is to be careful of it. The next practice is You can welcome the thing, but not be totally there with it. You can let it in the door, wholeheartedly let it in, but not feel, now that I let it in, I'm responsible to really be here with it. The patience is like to be there with it after you have allowed it.

[62:27]

Your first response was not to push it away. Okay, so now you can practice patience. If you push it away, again, you're going to have a hard time practicing patience because you're not aware of the thing. Patience is like to be completely there and not to think of the future. And so the previous two practices are generosity and ethics, being very careful ...is that you're practicing patience inwardly or outwardly. Or what you're going to practice patience with. And there's nothing to do with waiting, because you're actually doing the thing that you've been waiting your whole life to do, so to speak. Until you practice patience, you're waiting to do it. Now you can do it. Now you can be there. But you have to let it in the door first. And so you don't have a problem being gracious.

[63:28]

It's difficult, but you understand it. And I don't think you have such a problem of being careful. It's difficult, but you understand it. So the patient isn't then waiting. The patient is looking now. Let's really sit there with it. Let's be still. And that sets up our energy to then practice the concentration. Was there another question? Yes? Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is that okay? Yes? What Tracy said, when John was saying that he is making himself a complacency, But also, the thing that I think, because every time I come across the last couple of days, there's a couple of families.

[64:32]

After the tsunami destroyed in the town, it was made in front of the Japanese people, and they were evacuated. And because they were very borderly, they were still restarting. So he was mocking everything he was doing. And it was really . I was very angry. And several weeks before somebody coming in, he was mocking the Chinese president. He was angry at America, but I said, OK, I'm speaking up for him. And so after his ,, I was I was very angry and upset, and I actually, you know, I realized why I may be pretty self-centered. I was thinking about what should be done with him.

[65:34]

And then coming here, it's very about patience, so to speak. This is really hard. But hearing what Tracy said and what John said, I would just say that it's difficult to do this. It's as you told me it was before. We sit there after I die, after you die. You don't have to learn how to deal with this. It's not the word, but I have to learn. Yeah, racism was present at the time of the Buddha. The Buddha spent her life responding appropriately to racism. That was the Buddha's contribution to this world, is to show again and again an appropriate response to racism, to other kinds of prejudice in Indian society.

[66:45]

He couldn't stop it, but he showed a way to respond to it. And we have a potential here of eventually drawing everybody into then maybe there won't be any racism then when everybody is practicing. But until then, all this stuff is challenging us to come up with the appropriate response. Challenging us to see how could Rush Limbaugh be me? How could Rush Limbaugh be me? How could I say, I know how you feel. He overdoses on painkillers, right? And then when you take too many painkillers, you don't care what you say because you're so high on your painkillers.

[67:53]

So all this unconscious stuff comes out because you're so free of pain. Whatever I want. Can you speak up, please? Can you hear that? Louder, please. She's been thinking a lot about the word impeccability. ...is because I picked up a book by Gaston Veda, and of course, Don Wallace says that sorcerers, their behavior doesn't help at all.

[68:54]

And that somehow stirs something moving. I don't know if it was part of you, but recently I saw a movie called Kinaman, with a Chinese doctor called Vivian Wu. And it was her behavior in all of the years because I thought it was high state. She was high state . And I'm sure that one legend that maybe we didn't Yeah. Impeccable, you know, has the root of ped, foot, or stepping. And impeccable means not tripping. So in order to be impeccable, we have to look inwardly so we don't trip up.

[69:59]

And it's hard to look inwardly and see all this confusion, but be with it so we don't trip on it. So these people who are impeccable are people who know about their own . It's not people who have no confusion. It's they've learned to be aware of it so they don't keep tripping on it. And then it inspires you to learn to be impeccable by doing the same practice. Bill. Is impeccability like what? The number pi. The number pi. The number pi. I don't know, but I would like to try even if I'll never get there.

[71:14]

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