When you were sitting, I made a statement and asked a question. This statement and this question have been stated and asked for more than a thousand years in East Asia. And now in the West, this question is asked, this question and this statement. A monk asked, feng shui. No, feng shui, feng shui. speech and silence involve alienation and vagueness.

[01:16]

How can we avoid transgressing into either? The Chinese characters referred to here, one character means separation or departing or you could say alienation. Or it also could mean, I think, far away. And the other character means, one of the meanings is an edible herb, but it also has the meaning of minute, insignificant, and vague. Vague. Speech involves, usually, a separation.

[02:28]

discrimination, difference, alienation. And also, speech and language go with habitual patterns of thinking. Karmic consciousness for us is language consciousness. is storytelling consciousness. So speech, where we use language, uses our karmic consciousness to make discriminations and creates alienation. And also our karmic consciousness is usually in some habitual ruts. The consequence of speech, karmic speech, language, is to create worlds which we live in, which enclose us.

[03:44]

I proposed to you that we actually live in a big world of Buddha, a big world of great enlightenment. That's where we live. But actually I take away world. We live within a vast enlightenment, and it's not a world. It's not an enclosure. It's not a world. It's sometimes called the Buddha realm, but they actually don't usually use the word world for enlightenment. The Buddha realm, the Buddha state. We sometimes say Buddha lands, too. And within the Buddha world that we live in, Our karmic consciousness creates worlds, little houses, little enclosures, which to us seem like the size of the universe. But it's an enclosed universe, and within that universe there's discrimination and alienation within that world.

[05:02]

So that's one side, the side of speech. And within that realm of discrimination and alienation, our mind is often quite, can be quite precise. In the words of T.S. Eliot, it can be precise without being pedantic. Pedantic. We can be quite precise about the way we think, about the way we speak, about the way we're alienated. We can discriminate all the different types of alienation. And we can discriminate different kinds of union. But when we do, there's alienation in the union. The other side is silence. And in silence, however, that usually involves some vagueness.

[06:11]

When you don't say anything, you know, like if you just reach out to somebody and grab their nose, they may not know what you mean. So silence has vagueness and also silence can also be somewhat, you can be kind of spaced out, you might say. Or you can dissociate in silence. How can we become free of our habitual ways of thinking without compromising precise Awareness. Clear, precise awareness.

[07:14]

This is the question. The monk asks the Zen master, Feng Shui, How can we avoid transgressing into either side and transcend both? Another translation which is stretching it a bit, but I think it's OK, is speech and silence involve difference and equality. So those of you who have practiced at Zen Center are familiar with a chant which is called the Merging of Equality and Difference, or the Harmony of Equality and Difference.

[08:19]

Is that the current translation? The Harmony of Equality and Difference, one of the poems of one of our ancestors. How can we harmonize difference and equality? The teacher says, the teacher speaks and says, I always think of Hunan in the third month. The partridges singing, the myriad flowers are fragrant.

[09:25]

Hunan is province in China. It means literally south of the lake. There's Hunan, there's a lake, big lake. South of the lake is called, the lake is called Hu. So Hunan, south of the lake. And then there's Hubei, north of the lake. Two provinces. There's a lot of Zen people in the old days living north and south of the lake. In this case, the teacher says, I always think of Hunan in March. I always think of Green Gulch in March. The hundred flowers fragrant. The partridges chirping. in a hundred fragrant flowers.

[10:30]

This is the Zen teacher's demonstration of how to transcend speech and silence using both. This is the first koan of the springtime bouquet. So now we have a chance to practice. Practice a way which doesn't transgress into vagueness of imprecise awareness or our habitual patterns. We have a chance to express ourselves with speech and or silence, with silence and or speech. Express yourself silently with precision.

[11:36]

It's possible. Express yourself verbally with no separation. Express yourself with both silence and stillness. without either of these transgressions. So this is what we can practice now, starting now. One, two, three, four. Someone suggested that she write a poem on each case. after the class. I don't really know Chinese well enough to say whether the teacher's speech would have been considered a poem.

[12:50]

I have a feeling that his speech was colloquial speech, not speech in terms of classical requirements of Chinese poetry. But although it may not have accorded with the classical criteria for poetry and may have been expressed in colloquial speech, I'm deeply touched by its poetry. It's very poetic. For me, for many years, this statement has been poetically touching me. So I always think of Shui Fung always thinking of Hunan in March. I think about that all year long. And so it's kind of like an eternal springtime for me to remember this way of practice.

[14:01]

We don't have partridges at Green Gulch, we have Kalipeplans, the state bird of California. Isn't that the state bird of California? Nobody knows? What's the state bird of California? Quail. Yeah, quail. We have a lot of quail at Green College. And they chirp pretty well. Collipeplon is a Latin word for quail. And we have flowers. So if you'd like, you could write a poem during the class or after the class or not. I don't know if transcendence of both will always be a poem or not.

[15:19]

But I think it will have the energy of a poem. I think it will have the intensity of poetic speech. Now you're invited to give me feedback, dash express yourself. I actually would like to have you try to express yourself without transgressing into either. Now you're silent, expressing yourself silently. I'm not saying that you're transgressing into vagueness by being silent. I'm not accusing you of that. I'm not accusing you of spacing out. I leave that to you to look and see in your heart.

[16:25]

Have you found the middle between these two? Does your present posture and breathing and thinking and silence express this transcendent response to speech and silence? Is that clear? The ball's in your court. Did you see Charlie's hand, please? I did. Charlie, did you want to offer something? Yeah. I want to thank you for bringing this up, this topic. I almost sent you an email a few weeks ago that I thought you might be considering what to make the topic of this class be.

[17:28]

And I thought I might suggest a class on communication. But I decided to hold it to myself. It seems somehow whenever I have something in mind that I want to discuss, no matter what is brought up in our classes, it seems to address it. But for me, I'm appreciative to have this story address this communication, which I feel is a a layer that covers or runs through all of our interactions and studying communication has been really important for me this year. If I speak, in response to you in a way that's just my habit, then maybe I'm missing a chance to communicate.

[18:39]

I could be silent with you, and that could be communication. Maybe it was before I started speaking. Did you see it? There's various ways for you to convey your poems. You can do them right now, or you can do them afterwards. You can write them on paper and make paper airplanes out of them and throw them towards me, even though they probably wouldn't get all the way to Green Gulch. It still counts if you make a nice paper airplane with your poem on it and send it in my direction. Even if it lands just a few feet away, I appreciate it. You could also inundate me with emails.

[19:46]

Or I should say, inundate my assistant who will pass them to me. Do you know my address? My assistant's address is rebassistant at sfcc.org. You have my full support. Yes? Somehow it's coming to me about speech, but kind of where it comes from. Whether it comes from your heart or your stomach, your gut or your brain. Where does this speech come from?

[20:49]

It comes from somewhere in here. Wondering, but just kind of the impulse to speak came from my body. Could you hear her? The impulse to speak came from her body, she said. Enrique, speech is difficult for you?

[21:53]

Is alienation difficult for you? Is separation difficult for you? Silence is easier. Right. Silence is easier because... It could be easier. I think it's particularly easier it's particularly easier when it gives us a kind of vagueness or numbness. Again, like spacing out.

[23:01]

Pardon? A buffer, yeah. And, you know, I think... We shouldn't be in a habit where we rigidly hold to no buffers. Buffers could be helpful. We could use silence to make a buffer to open to not having a buffer. But we may need a buffer in order to say, okay, I'm ready to give away the buffer. We may need to, we often may need to be silent in order to feel our fear.

[24:19]

Silence may give us some sense that we can dare to feel our fear. Silence and stillness. If we practice them, we may notice that we're afraid and other things that are difficult to see. And then continue to practice silence and stillness and continue to dare to feel fear and so on. And then have a silence where there's precise awareness of, for example, fear. And also silence and stillness can help us tolerate the sharp precision of a particular moment of fear.

[25:27]

It can reveal it to us and also be the way of being intimate with it. Yeah. Did you say sometimes holding it? Yeah. It holds you. The silence holds you. Yeah. The silence still holds you and then you can hold the fear. And then you maybe can speak, as you just did. Speak before, during, and after you become aware of your fear. But again, it may help to be quiet until you find the fear before you speak.

[26:33]

Sonia. If you speak to try to get something? If you speak to try to get something, then that's an example of alienation. That's an example... What did you say? It's a setup. A setup is an alienation. Yeah. And it's also possible to speak without trying to get something. Maybe you just did. Could be, yeah. Gloria?

[27:58]

I have committed. I will photograph each day haiku by haiku. Was that a haiku? I started the project in October because I sometimes lose time or forget blocks of time. But doing that, I've discovered that I can look at each day's haiku and just remember so much of that day with those few words. King.

[29:08]

I assume that speech can also refer to the kind of mental jarring that you have in mind while meditating. That silence can also refer to the sort of big spacing out. It can also happen while meditating. Is the voids for overcoming that a matter of transcendence somehow, or are they melding into a mode of unity beyond it, where really one is what it used to be, the speech without alienation, and itself without vagueness? I don't know to what extent speech is based on it. There can be jabbering with silence.

[30:22]

As a matter of fact, whenever there's jabbering, there's silence. If you don't lean into the jabbering while there's jabbering going on, and not lean into the silence while jabbering is going on, not lean into either, then it's possible to not, yeah, then it's possible to not lean into either. And the silence supports the jabbering. But there's no transgression into the jabbering. And the silence doesn't water down the jabbering and make the jabbering vague. The silence does not make the jabbering vague. The silence is a silence where you don't lean into it and blur the jabbering.

[31:27]

The jabbering continues to have its Buddha-given precision. it's it does that do what does that imply did you say before you before you say anything about what I just said jabbering always implies silence there's no jabbering I'm saying no jabbering without silence you cannot have a sound without silence That's the way our nervous system works. You can't have a sound unless the sense organ was silent before it. The sense organ has to be resting before it can hear something. So it's quiet and then it hears something, and then it has to wait until that's done before it's quiet again.

[32:31]

You can't hear something else until it's quiet. There needs to be rest between the sounds. Same with vision. But precision, and precision implies vagueness. But you don't have to lean into the precision of speech which is discriminating and separating. You don't have to lean into it. Yes, they're relative. So one way to say it is speech and silence involve alienation and vagueness. And then you think, you know, the speech goes with the alienation and the silence goes with the vagueness, but actually speech involves the other one.

[33:37]

Both of them involve the relativity of the two. And there's a path that passes between these one-sided versions of a non-duality. There's a way of expression, there's a way of life that the teacher demonstrated. I always think fondly of Hunan in March. The partridges chirping in the fragrant grasses.

[34:49]

He didn't explain. He demonstrated. I'm not asking you to explain. I'm inviting you to demonstrate. However, I don't prohibit explanations. I invite demonstrations of the vital way of March in Berkeley. Did you hear her?

[36:14]

She said, I'm used to coming here and receiving a rich soup, and this time we have to bring our own ingredients. There's a children's book called Stone Soup. Have you seen it? This is Stone Soup. Stone Soup was a soup that was made by some Buddhist monks who came to a town where everybody was alienated from each other. But when the monks start making the stone soup, the people came out and put ingredients into the soup.

[37:22]

How many people have read this children's book? Yeah. Please help me. Did they have a pot? And did they put water in it? And did they put stones in it? Yeah. And then some other ingredients came, right? But when the ingredients came, they were brought by people. But they spoke. First they spoke and said, they told the story that this was a soup that was going to be so rich. So it wasn't only in the doing, it was also in the conversation. Well, it's just her taste, but it tasted really good. We used to have a little bit more, yeah, crusty. People would wrap it with that crusty apple. So they spoke. They didn't just make the soup, but they also spoke. Tell me your name again.

[40:03]

Mike. Mike. And can you want something without trying to get something? So when is it appropriate to speak?

[41:07]

What? When is it appropriate to speak? Now? Nancy? Was that a haiku? You're welcome to ask people to speak with greater volume. Could you all speak with greater volume? And in particular cases, to reiterate that request, can you hear me okay now?

[42:12]

You're also welcome to bring your chair up here, if you'd like. Yes, Abby? Yes, okay. I am trying to have a better understanding of and my stories about them. So, for instance, I can just kind of look at what people in the room are wearing, and I'm trying to understand the fine line between my dad's orange, and what's a beautiful orange? And so I was just wondering if you'd be willing to share any direction or advice. Are you asking me to give you advice?

[43:28]

I am asking for advice, yes. I'm trying to get some. Okay, my advice is learn to ask me for the things you want without trying to get them. Even though I just gave you some advice. I would like you to Ask me for advice without trying to get it. If you want it. How do you do that? Hmm? How do you do that? Yeah. So how, just now when you said, how can you do that? Look and see if you, when you ask me that, if you're trying to get something.

[44:36]

Or it's possible that you said, how do you do that? And you just gave that to me and didn't expect me to say anything. But I did. And I didn't, in this case, I did not remain silent when you asked me that. But I could have. And if I had remained silent, you might have got in touch with that you weren't trying to get me to speak or that you were. When you ask someone, learn this. This is a thing to learn. Ask someone to stop doing something without trying to get them to stop. For example, you know, easy example is, I'm going to ask you to stop being a woman. Would you please stop being a woman?

[45:57]

But obviously I'm not trying to get you to stop being a woman. But there I managed to ask you to do something that I wasn't trying to get. Now try it with some more difficult example. Ask me to give you something without trying to get me to give it to you. It's possible to do this. Offer yourself without trying to get anything from your offering. Give a gift without trying to get something in return. You will get something in return. But if you give it with trying to get something in return, you distract yourself from the giving. Again, asking for advice as a gift. I think I would like to make this person into a teacher.

[46:59]

I'm going to ask him to teach me. Please teach me. I just made a teacher. That's sufficient for me. They may give me some teaching. They may not. I'm done with my practice of giving at the moment. The same with speech and silence. Silence as a gift, speech as a gift. Have you been giving me the gift of silence during this class when you've been silent? You could have been. I had no problem with you every moment that you were silent making that a gift to me. showering me and the rest of the group with your silence as a gift to us. It is really possible, I'm not saying easy or hard, but totally possible that whenever you're silent, you enjoy that you're giving that.

[48:05]

That you're never silent without making a gift of silence. It's fine with me if you never miss that, that you enjoy that every time you're silent, that you're just bestowing the gift of your silence. Is your name Sharon? Yes. In speech and in silence, I listen. In speech and silence, you listen. Without listening, you transgress. I hear you. Thank you. Could you hear that, Nancy? What did you hear? Pardon?

[49:15]

No, she said, in speech and silence, I'm listening. If I don't listen, I transgress. Also sprach Sharon. Jukit. When I want something and ask you, what is the point if I don't expect something? What is the point of asking you if I want something? Did you say, if I want something? What is the point of asking me? Yeah, without expecting. Do you mean, if I want something, what is the point of asking you to give it to me?

[50:25]

No, asking you to not expecting anything. If I don't expect anything, I don't ask you probably. Maybe. but you could want Mike to love you and you could want that and you could ask me you could ask me what could you ask me if you wanted him to love you what could you ask me It's indirect. I want something from you. Oh, if you want something from me. Yes. If you want something from me, then what? If I'm not expecting you're going to give me what I want. Yeah? You wouldn't ask?

[51:26]

Yeah. Yeah. Because I don't want to take the risk to... Well, the one thing is you don't want to take a risk. You don't want to take a risk of asking me for something that you want from me knowing that I might not give it to you. That's one situation. There's another situation where you want something from me and you think I very well might give it to you. And then you feel like the risk is not so great. Then you might ask because less risk. Yeah. Okay. So I'm talking about something else besides trying to get something. I'm talking about that you want something from me and you tell me that you want something from me and you do not tell me that to get it from me.

[52:28]

And that's something which I hear you saying you don't do very often. Maybe never. So far. What? You didn't say that. No, I didn't say you said that. I said, what I'm saying is that you can ask me for something that you want me to give you and you can ask me to give it to you without trying to get me to give it to you. I'm saying you can learn that. You can do that. And you may never have done it yet, but you can do that. Why are you encouraged to do that? Why do you think I'm encouraging you to do that? And when I just asked you that question, by the way, I was not trying to get you to answer it. I felt like you were not asking my question to answer that question to me. Are you saying that you think I'm trying to get you to think that I'm trying to not answer you?

[53:47]

Is that what you think I'm trying to get you to do? I'm saying that you're avoiding to answer my question, to asking. Yeah, so what was your question? What was your question that you think I'm avoiding? It's okay. It's okay with me if you lose the train of thought. Is it okay with you if you lose the train of thought? Are you looking for the train of thought? Yes. So, my question is that, why you encourage me to do that? And then I asked you why you think, and you said I was avoiding your question. But I did not feel like I was avoiding your question at all.

[54:47]

I felt like I received your question, and I wanted to see if you knew why I would encourage that. No, I don't know. I need your help. You do need my help. I agree. You need my help. And guess what? That wasn't a question, right? You said, I need my help. You said, I need your help. That wasn't a question, right? And I agree with you. You do need my help. Now I'm asking you a question. Guess what? Guess what? Guess what? It's a question. Guess what? So it's like, you said you need my help. I said, that's right. And then I said, guess what goes with that? I didn't say it, the second part. But guess what means, and guess what goes with you needing me?

[55:51]

What? Yeah, I know. So if you say, if you notice that you need my help and I agree with you that you need my help, then I ask you, what would go with you needing my help and me agreeing that you need my help? What would go with that? What would come along with that, do you think? Okay, I just wanted to know if you could see it. Shall I tell you? I need your help. Now, when you told me that you needed my help, I said, that's right. Now I'm telling you that you need my help, that I need your help, and you didn't say anything. Like, that's right. You don't have to, but I wanted to point out that You said you needed my help. I said, that's right. Then I told you I needed your help, but you didn't say that's right.

[56:59]

Yeah, right. Just a minute, please. So back to the main point, which is, can you want something from me? And can you ask me for something that you want from me to help me like just now, I want something from you, and I asked you for something I wanted from you, but I did not expect you to give it to me, and you did not. And that's fine with me. I do want things from you, and I do ask you for things, and I do not expect you to give them to me. But I give you the gift of telling you what I want from you. And just now I'm telling you what I want from you is I want you to learn to ask me for things you want from me without trying to get me to give them to you.

[58:04]

I want you to learn that. And then you said, what's the point? And that's, you're asking me what's the point. And I guess I could say to you what you think the point would be, or I could just tell you the point. I'd prefer to actually ask you what the point is and have you tell me the point. But if you don't want to do it that way, I'll just tell you the point. You can choose. You can tell me the point, or I'll tell you the point. How about I tell you the point, and you tell me the point? OK. Did you hear that? Did you hear that, Nancy? She said, how about she tells me the point, and then I tell her the point. Okay, ready? You want to go first? Please. The point is... Oh, two ways to say it.

[59:07]

One way to say it is enlightenment. Enlightenment. And the other one is helping beings. That's the reason why I want you to learn that, because it's enlightenment and also because it helps beings. It helps beings. Now what did you think it was? What was your guess? What did you think was the point? The closest word I can think of is trying to establish the intimacy trying to establish intimacy. So there's three ways to say it. Enlightenment, helping others, intimacy. So I don't mind if someone wants something from me and asks me for it and tries to get it.

[60:15]

But I do feel that if when the person does it that way, they're distracted from our intimacy. But when someone wants something from me and asks me for it without trying to get it, then I feel like this is really intimate. But, you know, I don't expect my grandson to be able to do that, even though it sometimes happens. Sometimes you don't notice. You want something from somebody, you ask them for it, but you don't even notice that you weren't trying to get it. I can accidentally do it. In other words, you can accidentally be enlightened. So I would like you to learn, when you want something from me, I would like you to learn, and you would like to ask for it, even if it's risky, I would like you to learn to do that as a gift to me.

[61:19]

to offer that, to give me the gift of letting me know you want me to give you something. I would like you to make that a gift to me. That will protect you from the risk of not getting it. Because you will be happy because you're giving me gifts without trying to get anything. That's enlightenment. That's what I want. And I'm not trying to get it. Because trying to get it interferes with what I want. I want all of us to be enlightened. I want all of us to be helpful. I'm telling you that, and I'm asking for it. I'm asking for you to be enlightened. I'm not trying to get it, and I do not expect it. And there's some risk in this. There's some risks. But they're not stopping me from asking for that.

[62:30]

Thank you for your gifts. Yes? I don't really expect an answer. Pardon? I don't really expect an answer here. But I was thinking of your grandson as an example. Would it be a good strategy to, when you're telling someone that you want something perhaps for them or from them, to tell them that you don't expect to get it or that you're not trying to get it, but you want Does it help to tell them that? Yeah. It could. I find myself doing that sometimes, and I wonder, you know, I just wonder, you know, it's an area that's uncertain, you know, whether you're undercutting, you're rushing, or to kind of... Yeah. Well, I think sometimes it's helpful to ask somebody for something and just to tell them that you don't expect it so that they can hear what you asked for.

[63:32]

Because some people are so, I don't know what, afraid of you. They so much care about what you think of them that as soon as you ask them, they can't even, they're just totally disoriented. So if you do this amazing thing, here's this huge person in their life asking them for something. If you do that, this is like a big deal. So you may have to soften it with the information that you don't expect it to say, I'm just telling you where I'm at. That's all that's going on here. And I'm actually pretty authentically that way. This will soften it, and then they can hear it. They can hear it. Oh, my God, he is asking me for something. I can accept that somewhat. And it helped that he told me he wasn't expecting anything. Now the person will not try to find out if that's true.

[64:36]

You know, it's... And that will help you find out if you were authentic when you said. Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Yeah. So it does sometimes help to say. So I say it, I've said it to many of you. I do want you to practice the bodhisattva precepts, but I don't expect it. And I work at wanting it and I work at not expecting it because I find that makes me want it more and continue to want it. And I notice when I slip into expectation that I'm vulnerable to sort of not wanting it anymore. I want you to practice the precepts I expect you to, and when you don't, then I'm not going to want that anymore because it's too risky. But I'm not afraid to expect this, to want this, I mean. I'm not afraid to want it because I'm protected by not expecting it.

[65:42]

I'm not disappointed. when I don't expect. And when I'm not disappointed, I can just keep wanting it. Wanting, wanting, wanting, wanting, wanting. Buddhas want. They don't expect. They want, they want, they want. There's no expectation in the want. And you can feel that. And it encourages you. You know what they want. They're straight with you. I want this. And I'm going to keep wanting it. And you can watch and see if that's true. And you can also know that I'll be able to because I don't expect it. And if I slip into expectation, you can watch me trip and my desire for this good thing for you will get weaker. You can see it for yourself. I'm not saying I'll never slip. I'm cultivating not expecting. I'm cultivating not trying to get things when I ask for them. I'm not saying it's perfect. And so I might not be able to ask for much because when I ask for something, I want to ask as a gift.

[67:01]

So that might reduce my asking because it's hard to ask as a gift. I mean, I shouldn't say hard. It's a rare thing for a human being to be able to do. to feel compassion for the way the person is now without expecting them to get better. Can I just mention a comment too? I find sometimes, say with an individual, there's a big focus on trying to do that practice. I find that I'm distracted from practicing with other people. That, you know, it's like there's something that someone else comes along and decides, hey, don't bother me, I don't have time for this, because I feel like I'm working too hard trying to look at whether I'm inspecting something. That's what this call-in's about, is that the speech, it becomes alienating.

[68:08]

You transgress into the precision of the request. You forget about the silence. If you remember the silence, when this other person comes, they're not alienated. You're not alienated from them. You're chirping in the springtime fragrant flowers. You're not pushing anybody away, even though you're concentrating on this chirp. It's not about you. It's about springtime. It's about March. It's that kind of stuff. And you're clear about that. And then your question is just like another fragrance. There's no crowd. Things aren't crowded. Yes? In March, in Berkeley... I wonder if Yelena still has a question.

[69:13]

Wonderful. Thank you. Sonia. I had one more. China is not going to get something. being a nice part is not when I could get something outside myself. But even a question not answered becomes an illumination of the here. That's the initials when you get something outside yourself. So again, wanting something. wanting something without trying to get it is wanting something that you understand is not outside and if you want without trying to get by your expression so you want but you don't do something to get it I'm saying that's usually the way it is, and there's a new trick to learn called expressing the want, not to increase the likelihood of getting, but to see if you can not only feel the want, but express it without that expression being trying to get it.

[70:47]

To see if you can feel the want, express the want, and not feel that the thing you want is outside yourself. Or the person you're talking to is outside yourself. And giving your expression of desire to somebody as a gift is a way to get over them being separate from you. The point of it, as Yuki said, is intimacy. This way of talking, this way of expressing desires and asking for things as gifts is in order to get over the separation that language creates. To realize intimacy by speaking. And one of the ways to speak is to say, I want something from you and I don't hold, and I don't soft pedal that.

[71:50]

I want to say it just like that and see if I can say it just like that. However, if I think you can't hear me and can't hear my gift, I might say something else, but not for myself. I actually want this without expectation, and I'm just sharing with you also that I don't have expectation. But I'm not saying without expectation to undermine my wanting, to lessen my wanting. I really want it a lot. But I'm not sharing that with you to make it more like that you'll give it to me. Jackie? Can I say something about the word hope? I looked the word hope up not too long ago. For many years I've had a problem with it. But I looked it up and when I looked it up I said, aha, that's why.

[73:00]

The English word hope in the dictionary I looked in said a desire with an expectation of receiving it. So hope has this element of expectation in the denotative meaning. I know what you're going to say next. Wish. Wish. Instead of hope, right? Not so much wish instead of hope, just wish without the expectation, and then by definition it's not really the way the word hope's used. Hope has this expectation connected to the wish. So Buddha's wish, Bodhisattva's wish, Buddha's wish, they wish for the welfare of beings, they wish beings will be free of suffering, but there's no expectation in their wish along with their wish. I still see expectation and wanting. That's normal.

[74:03]

We've got that down. You know how to do that. We know how to do that. And there's something good about that. The good part is the wishing part. I'd rather have a person wish with expectation than not wish at all. Despair means no hope, right? So I'd rather have the person wish with expectation because we can deal with that. Called, tell me how you feel. Well, I'm suffering. And I'm suffering because I want something from you and I expect to get it. So a lot of people, when they want something from me and they expect to get it, rather than stop expecting, they try to stop wanting. But stop wanting, you're closing your heart down. Expectation is the part to drop, to wean ourselves from, but not ahead of schedule, just when it's the right time. Until then, you know, I want you to have expectations as long as you've got them.

[75:10]

But I'd like you to learn to really want with no expectation. Life is full of expectations and disappointment. Life is full of expectations, and disappointments come with expectations. Right. We've got tons of that stuff. And let's welcome it. Let's welcome the hope, the expectation, and the disappointment. Okay, shall we welcome it? Welcome hope, you know. I welcome hope, even though I know it's a trap. And then I welcome the disappointment that comes with it. I watch hope, and then I watch disappointment. I welcome both. I mean, I vow to welcome both, and I do actually sometimes.

[76:15]

Isn't there a space between hope and despair? Maybe. There might be some space there. What would that be? That space? Yeah, it might be silence. And the silence might be a gift. And I would like you to find the gift, the silent gift between hope and despair and practice there. Develop that space of generosity between hope and despair and make that part grow more and more vital. And then the hope and despair kind of are in the suburbs, you know, which we're not going to level. Just let them be there, you know. They can be there. Not a problem. They can enrich the great space of generosity and silence, which is not spacing out in between them.

[77:19]

And then speech can come up there too, which says, I want a lot here. I have a gift for you all. Yes, there was a hand. Enrica. Enrica. Trying to find an elegant way of saying that I want something without expectation would be, I wish this and this happened, or this and this was done, or I got this. I wish. That's definitely a good math space for authenticity. intimacy has never ever been crowded out there's plenty of space for it there's nothing you can do to not make space for intimacy you can only get distracted so when you do that you could it's possible that you're not distracted by that from intimacy

[78:32]

but also possible you would be distracted by it. You have to look in your heart to see if you just got distracted. It could go either way. And I'm just totally amazed that it's 925. Is that right? I'm just amazed. Here I thought we'd never make it to nine. Thank you for tolerating the silence. Thank you for tolerating stone soup.

[79:11]

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